My MIL bought Christmas presents for my kids that I was supposed to buy: Advice?

I wish my little one had a grandma, I wish I had a mother or mother in law, I wish that we had family and I would just be so thankful for that if I were you!! Its ok for Grandma to do that it wasn’t malicious it was thoughtful. Get them something else but just be thankful

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Well if y’all didn’t want her to buy those gifts then you should have suggested different gifts for her to buy… you said she asked what y’all had left to get… maybe she was trying to help out and maybe instead you should appreciate the fact she bought them gifts…you’re definitely overreacting for wanting to skip Christmas with her. Punishing her? Life is short and you never know if this will be your last Christmas with her… your kids last Christmas with their grandma. Get over it and enjoy the holidays!

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Spend the money you were originally planning on gifts on an experience instead. Kids don’t remember expensive gifts but they do remember moments shared together. Make a big trip out of it!

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Don’t let it ruin the holidays and Christmas joy for your kiddos …. She just saved you money , either grab a couple other things that are “big items” or save the money and go out for a nice dinner or do something that will make memories together …. The kids may get excited over the gifts but they do not remember in a few years or as they get older they remember the memories that’s where traditions come in to play and Christmas is all about traditions …. If you haven’t started a Christmas Eve tradition maybe use the money to start one make them a “movie night box” get new pjs hot chocolate candy popcorn slippers and a little toy for them to open Xmas Eve and then everyone pick a movie sit down and enjoy. Even get them throw blankets to snuggle down with during the movie. So many options other then being upset … I do get where ur comming from and it does sting I’ve even had it done to me but I took the lesson and changed my course of plan a little bit and it all worked out in the end!!! Merry Christmas :christmas_tree:

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I would think her for saving me money and I would get the kids something else. I would let the husband know next year you will have the kids make a list for her . I know it hurts but at the end of the day the kids got what they wanted and you have extra money for other stuff for them.

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Some children will have nothing to open on Christmas day and here u are blessed enough to have these things and family that is involved and buying presents . Be thankful for what u have and remember what Christmas is about . Not a upset adult who didn’t get their way cause of a Mil :rofl::rofl: u think ur kids will even care as much as u do ? Lol no :rofl:

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It’s like a Christmas present for both you and your kids… money saved, and they still get the item. Use that extra cash to get your MIL something nice, or treat you and your husband.

I would not be crying if someone else bought the big ticket items for my kids :rofl: maybe you can buy another big ticket item with what you saved?

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I 100% would tell her to return them, and buy them for my house. If she gets her feelings hurt, that’s her problem. Your husband told her what you were going to buy YOUR children. You had expectations and she doesn’t get to take that away. Period! All she bad to do was make some effort and learn her grandkids enough to know what they’re interested in :woman_shrugging:

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Did you tell your MIL you specifically wanted to get these things for your kids or just tell her what was left on your list? If you specifically told her, I can understand being upset but not enough to skip Christmas with her. If you didn’t, then you can’t really be upset. She was just trying to help. One day when you don’t have a MIL & your kids don’t have a grandma, you’ll be wishing she was here to buy the gifts that you wanted to buy. Be grateful that you’ve got a MIL willing to help out and be a good grandma to your kids.

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Without knowing the actual details of the conversation between the two of them this may not even be an issue with MIL. It could be a partner issue.

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Sounds like you’re overreacting, but it’s directed at the wrong person.

She asked your husband what to get the kids for Christmas and he told her what to get them. He is the one who told her about the big items that she bought.

Regardless, Christmas isn’t about you. It’s about your kids. If you wanna skip Christmas with your MIL because she bought your kids the stuff your husband told her to buy, then skip it and let your husband take your kids to her house!

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I think yiu should appreciate the fact she saved you some money and their grandma won’t be there forever so let her spoil your kids while she’s alive my kids don’t have a grandma cause my MIL and my mom have passed away years ago

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I get what you’re saying. As a single mom, both sides of the families over buy and I get a little jealous and am like “I want a little bit of the magic too” maybe talk to her and see if they can open those at your house, it’s tough but I get your point.

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Overreacting, ask her if she can acknowledge Santa if they were to be from him, if kids are older you acknowledge how blessed you all are to have a family that helps each other out, especially with the current inflation. Then use the money you saved and do something nice for her?

You saved money. Kids will not care who the gifts came from. I wish this was my biggest complaint this season.

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I’d be grateful for the gifts honestly. Saves me money and who cares who gets the thanks for buying them. As long as the kids are happy. And it saves you money to spend on other things. Just be happy mama

It could have been a miscommunication between the hubs and MIL. I would let it go. The kids still get to Enjoy the fun gifts and you saved that money. It was your idea what to get them so you get all the cred in the end. :wink:

Some women have been babied way too long so when they don’t get their way they always feel some type of way! Be grateful and buy them something else or be nice and buy her something too!

My step mom used to do this same thing to me and it never felt malicious I just think she genuinely wanted to get something they would like or need (who better to ask than a parent of said kid) also i think she thought she was helping us by buying some of the more big ticket items…took me a few years then I started making a list just for her that had nothing to do with mine and it was great!!!

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Yes you’re overreacting. She was probably just trying to do a very nice thing and he probably didn’t make it known to her that those were things you specifically really wanted to be from you. Taking away Christmas with your kids from her is unfair to them.

Um you need to be upset with your husband because he is the one that told her the items :woman_shrugging:t4:

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She was probably trying to do something nice and save you guys money seeing as it’s so close to Christmas and you guys still didn’t have the items

The kids are getting the gifts, you saved the money. Make plans to use the money on some sort experience for the kids in the new year (zoo trip, museums, etc)

Did you husband tell her not to buy the things he told her you guys still need to get? Cause if not then it sounds like a miscommunication. If this is the case I’d just save the money and while I understand being disappointed next time try and be more clear when communicating and let it go.

Maybe you can explain to her what happened and u can allow her to take a few of the smaller gifts you had already purchased for them to open at her house in exchange for a bigger gift or 2 for your home Christmas morning. Communicating is always important, I think she was just trying to help and that’s wonderful seeing as though not many people have a family like that.

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My son’s God mother did this. I was talking to her during the summer telling her I was going to buy him a bike for Christmas. She came to visit during the summer (we’d do all holidays in the summer so we didn’t have to travel in snow) with a bike. I was upset she got the first bike knowing I wanted to. Looking back I think she felt I couldn’t afford a bike & wanted to make sure he got 1. It did hurt that I didn’t get that big, milestone gift though. You know what though? In the long run it didn’t matter. He got a bike. He remembers the bike. Not who got it for him.

Your MIL probably meant well. She saved you money. Don’t worry about who bought it.

They still get it an it will end up at your house. Saves you dollars. No biggie.

Go to Christmas with the MIL, I’m sure she didn’t act out of spite. Make friends with her and be grateful she shelled out for the kids gifts. Christmas is about giving and families, don’t pull out of it because she wanted to buy pressies for the children.

At least she got your kids something. My kids father’s whole side of the “family” doesn’t ever get my kids anything. They (His siblings, the kids aunts & uncles) live in the same state and frequently visit the area coming to see their mother. They never come by to visit us or the kids. They never call just to chat or see how we’re doing. They talk shit about us (and we pretty much let them, we don’t try and correct anyone we just let them think whatever they want. It shows their true character considering a lot of them haven’t even really met my 8 year old and I don’t come around enough for them to really know me, they just know who I am. Let them think whatever they want. And don’t worry about my kids, they aren’t missing you not ONE BIT. Cuz momma’s side of the family has got them covered!

My mother always buy the big gifts- I don’t mind at all. Saves me money and as long as my kids are happy and get the gift idk. Plus, I’m mom all year around- grandma can get the spot light one day. I mean Santa does it anyone of Christmas so why not grandma have it one time.

Be grateful 🫶🏽 lots of us don’t have that support.

The worst thing you could ever do is take Grandma away from her precious grandchildren. It would be such a huge loss for them.

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I understand the wanting to buy them but it saves you money on the items to maybe do something more memorable, have they been asking to go someplace? Maybe a family trip. I can tell you, I remember one gift from when I was a child but remember all of the trips we went on as a family.

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New Gigi here and i would be mortified if my kids cancelled my christmas with the grandkid .

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As long as they got to bring it home I don’t care

No say thank you and buy something else and totally spoil them the point is that they get that thing you really wanted them to have it’s not about “from who” what about Santa we give him credit lmao give your mil some credit don’t be like that ! Lmao she meant well girl :revolving_hearts::pray:t3:

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I can understand because this happened to us this year. Our daughter asked for this specific item that I had picked out and in the cart ready to purchase a few weeks back just waiting for payday first. Long story short, MIL went and bought it knowing we were getting it. I was upset at first, but then looked at it as money saved for something else for her. She’s 12, doesn’t think these gifts are from Santa anymore but I can’t definitely understand where you’re coming from… just change your perspective of it.

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Idk. Everyone and every situation is different. I can understand your frustration with it. For me It’s a straight up blessing my mother bought all of my daughters presents this year. My husband lost his job and just started working again yesterday. I am unable to work due to my disease. It took the biggest weight off mine and my husband’s back knowing her grandma made sure she’s ganna have a great Christmas even tho we are in a little bit of a bind.

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It won’t matter to the kids who bought them love. All that will matter to them is the love their family has for them. The mil was just trying to help. Just remember that one day she won’t be here to help give ur kids a good Christmas with the love and support. Life is way too short to want to dislike and be upset with someone over material things.

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Take the money you were going to use and take them to do something or get something one day she may not be able to get them things . I do understand the frustration there ! However turn it into something positive and roll with it maybe there is something else you would like to get them and now they can get both :slightly_smiling_face: breath ! Mama! Merry Christmas

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I understand it can be frustrating but i agree with everyone to pick and choose your battles. It saved you money and you can use it for an experience/outing that will last longer in their memories than gifts. I understand you’re pissed but i don’t see a reason to not celebrate Christmas with her because she bought them gifts they wanted.
Mine buys cheap stuff they don’t want so they never play with or breaks after a few days and end up in the garbage.

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Buy it anyways and let them open yours first :joy:

If your husband told her and didn’t say, but were buying those, then she wouldn’t know. I would let this one go and be grateful, next year maybe you can set limits.

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She probably had good intentions. Don’t skip Christmas. The kids probably won’t remember the gifts when they get older but will remember you weren’t there

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It’s about the meaning of Christmas and about the kids. Let it be and just make memories

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Definitely overreacting be grateful I’m positive she didn’t do it to be spiteful she probably thought she was helping gesh

Find another big gift or a family vacation. I’m sure she meant well why would you hurt your kids by not going to see the family?

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My mil has bought twice as many gifts as I do for my son since the moment he was born and it’ll be the same for my daughter and I don’t care it’s money that I save for when I need it and I can still see their faces light up when they get the presents and we play with them together if it really bothers you just send her a list of smaller items that you don’t care that she gets next time

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I think this is really sad, you want skip Christmas because someone else bought the gifts? She asked not because she was curious but because she wanted to get your kids gifts. If you are saving a couple items that you really want to get…then next time give her different ideas. I’m sorry, I find this really petty and sad. What would you tell the kids? We’re not seeing grandma …why?

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I understand your hurt and you have the right to feel that. However kids don’t care who bought what . I always take the best gifts to my grandmas for my kids to open so she can watch their faces when opening such cool things . I’d just deal with it then after Christmas tell her next time you would like to discuss who’s buying what before anything is bought because you were looking for to gifting those items this year.

Maybe grandma thought she was helping. Knowing how hard things may be financially for many families.Be grateful that you have a MIL that even thinks about your children and wants to do things for them. Things could be so much worse. Gratitude is a gift also.

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As a grandmother I have bought stuff and given it to my kids to give them from Santa! As long as they are happy that’s all that matters! I buy all year long so I am happy to share!!! It’s Christmas be happy your children have loving grandparents!! :heart:

Just BE happy most people don’t get that type of help, if not send them to me I’ll gladly take them for my girls and buy more lmao

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Be grateful :heart: there’s parents out there with no money to buy them anything! They’re still getting the gift you wanted them to have. I’d be very thankful :heart:

Heaven Forbid!!! What a horrible thing to have a MIL that wants to help and buy her grandchildren gifts. You should absolutely not go over there on Xmas! I mean you should give your children the greatest gift of all, a stressful, awkward holiday filled with drama and animosity because you didn’t get to buy the BIG present. Merry Christmas!!!

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Shaking my head!!! I wish my kids grandmother would have bought my anything!!!

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Look at this as a financial savings. Grandma only gets happy when the grand kids are happy. You are doing her a favor by granting her this opportunity. Plus giving your kids the chance to have memories with her. Nobody can come between the love of you and your children. Love between mother and child is different from love between grandparents and a grandchild.

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She saved you money. It’s annoying but in a week it won’t even matter. If you’re super upset and want to be petty…buy the gift anyways and give it to them first.

I haven’t even shopped. We found out my husband had an affair a few weeks ago and I have been lucky to pay the light bill. Christmas is about giving and it sounds like your having trouble accepting. Let them give the gifts and you can use the money for other things and enjoy being pampered

She took the time to ask and buy them something they wanted instead of randomly guessing. Your husband should’ve have told her something different. Typically when people ask what still needs to be bought, it’s because they don’t know what to buy and want to get them what they want. They are still opening the gifts on Christmas, regardless of who bought it, the reaction will be the same. It doesn’t seem like she did it to disregard but to be helpful instead.

Don’t skip Christmas with her, kids grow up fast and you don’t want them to miss out on Christmas with their grandparents. Enjoy the day with family not about who bought what.

I’d be grateful…having 5 kids to buy for if they got the big stuff it would be amazing! The kids don’t care who it came from. Shoot, I don’t even ask my kids what they want for Christmas bc then I feel obligated to get everything they ask for which stresses me tf out bc I can’t afford anything big. I just shop and hope for the best…which I haven’t lost with yet.

It all depends on the motive behind the action. Some would see this as a blessing some as a power move. All depends on the MIL. Set some boundaries with her if it bothers you and there are underlying issues with her undermining and manipulating. If she’s a great MIL she may have just been happy to get the kids something they actually wanted. Next time if she ask give her a list of things that they want but not the big or special gifts that you want to give. I wouldn’t skip Christmas with her if it’s a one time thing … different story if it’s a pattern.

Yes u are way overreacting! It is not about u!

Yes her heart was in a good place. Talk about it.

Isn’t it a good thing that your kids grandma is in a position to buy them the gifts they want? I understand that you wanted to buy them those things but she just saved you so much money and kids are going to be happy at the end of the day. I would be so grateful for the thoughtfulness honestly. You can always buy them something else if you want.

It sounds like a miscommunication; when she asked, your husband should have given her ideas for what SHE should get them instead of what YOU were planning to get them. I don’t have a solution on what to do about it, but I would give her the benefit of the doubt unless she does stuff like this all the time.

Be grateful she asked what to buy was given a list they’re still getting what you wanted them to get stop being cry baby be happy somebody’s helping . Go buy something else your still getting to watch them and rap this

I wish I had my grandma. I would pick time with grandma no matter what she got me. At 40 I still have the very last present she got me. It is a jewelry box that will be handed down to my kids.

I wouldn’t mind. I mean, I get wanting to be the one to give them the big stuff, but I just couldn’t this year and I’m grateful my in-laws can. The kids won’t care who gave them what, only what they got

Be mad at your husband for not explaining how important the gifts are. He was probably complaining to his mother how expensive they were. Clearly she wanted to do something nice & relieve that burden for you both. Suck up your pride & be grateful.

Santa goes too my mom’s house every year

Be thankful she’s doing this for you and your children. Stop being petty .

Honestly, in today’s Climate I’d think this was great.

Even looking back when I was a kid, I can’t remember what we got or from whom it came for. :person_shrugging:

She overstepped, and I would be upset, too. I know it’s annoying to hear people say, look at the bright side, but get them something awesome with the $$$ you would’ve used on the other gifts. And next time, be very specific, and tell your husband especially, about what you tell her in this situation. Don’t tell her the gifts that you want to get.

I’d b ecstatic… Nw u go n spend all your money on yourself!!! Go on girl… Spoil yourself!!!

Save yo money! My mom got the #1 present on my kids list and the most expensive and I was glad I didn’t have to buy it. She’s gonna be real excited Christmas morning and I’m excited about that, regardless of who bought it.

Sounds like an awesome MIL. She’s a keeper

I would be thankful. She probably doesnt even realize she upset you by doing that. Maybe she was just trying to help you guys out.

In my opinion yes, your over reacting. Be thankful your children have grandparents that are wanting to be in their lives. Some children don’t have that luxury. I watch my children every single year of every single holiday have ONLY a very few… when I say a few I mean one on dad’s side and 3 on my side that my children have as family outside of our home… so be thankful your children have family that love them to do them things!

Yes you’re overreacting. Appreciate your mil

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Wait so you’re going to skip Christmas with her ?? What does that mean? You’re not going there? You’re not bringing your kids there to see/celebrate with her because you’re mad she bought the kids gifts you wanted to buy ? I’m so confused? 1st of
All grow up!! Be thankful your kids have a grandmother and one who wants to buy them things for them. 2nd get back to the real meaning of Christmas and stop worrying about gifts. I wish I had help with my son. I wish he had a grandmother who could/wanted to do for him. Honestly you should be grateful but sounds like you want to be spiteful and now not celebrate with her. So petty!

Be thankful their grandma buys them anything. My kids aren’t even acknowledged by my MIL

The missing part of this story is if yall told her y’all wanted to get them…you don’t say so it’s hard to really give an answer. :person_shrugging:

I understand somewhat what you are going through. One day I just let bygones be bygones and you’ll feel better. I’m sure the kids want other things so buy them other stuff. Or better yet if you have a college for the kids your extra money in there.

Ask if you can swap out some of the gifts you bought for some of hers. Split the big gifts between both houses. And thank her for helping out. Do the kids still believe in Santa? If so, just say sometimes he delivers to grandparents houses too.

This year, let it go. Going forward, don’t share gift ideas that are important to you or that you’re excited about. Have a conversation with your husband to make sure he’s on board with not over sharing with his mom

Put your pride away and your children first. Grandma just wanted to help you out. Be thankful you have a mother in law that is willing to help you instead of trying to cut your throat. That sense of jealousy comes back to some sort of insecurity that you are afraid your children will choose her over you.

I get how you are feeling 1000% BUT at the end of the day if it’s what the kids what let her do it. I’m sure she didn’t do it out if spite probably just wanted to help out & they are her grandkids so let it be a good day for all. FYI moving forward keep a list of what you & your hubby definitely want to purchase for the kids & on the bottom of that list everything else. Those items can be for family members to give. That’s what I do & everyone is happy :blush:

I’d be so happy if my MIL did this! Share your kids joy and don’t be jealous. Let her spoil them and save your money or use your money to buy experience gifts you can do with your kids.

Learn to pick your battles girl. If you make this the hill your relationship with your MIL dies on, then expect that there will be bitter resentment eventually from your husband. Good grief. Take that money and go buy them something else awesome. Jeez some people are so petty. Sorry. Not sorry.

So next year maybe you can make an Amazon wish list she can shop from? If she’s needing suggestions. I’d be disappointed too being as I’d hope to gift those but I wouldn’t cancel Christmas with them. Depending on yalls relationship I would sit down and talk to her about how it made yoh feel and if she needs suggestions next year you can make a list of things she can shop from for ideas

Next time don’t tell what you want to buy, and tell them things the kids need

Don’t be lame! Let grandma give them the presents! Enjoy watching your kids and grandma being happy and use that money to treat your self to something nice :wink:

She asked what to buy, you told her what you planned on buying. That’s your own fault.
If someone asks what to buy your kids, don’t give them the gift ideas that you haven’t gotten yet and planned to buy.
Be thankful you have help.

Get it for them anyways, give the kids your gifts first on Christmas morning. Then when the kids go over to her house, since she said she “bought it for the kids to have at her house”, they’ll be looking at her all funny like why did you get me the same thing I already got? Tell MIL it was already pre-ordered and “well, I didn’t tell you to run out and buy the same thing we already had coming. You asked me what WE still had to get for the kids. Not advice for what you should get them.”

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Let it go. Just know that next year u shouldn’t tell her what gifts you haven’t bought yet. I’m sure she thinks she was helping u out. Think of it as a win cuz now u don’t have to spend the money on this. Don’t cause a family problem over her unsolicited kindness. Say thank u and learn your lesson. Merry Christmas :christmas_tree::gift:

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So you’re going to make your kids miss christmas with their grandma because she bought them the big gifts? You truly don’t understand the meaning of Christmas.

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Yes, you are completely overreacting. You’re making this about your ego, not about Christmas or your kids. Say thank you to your MIL for buying from your list, be happy your kids will be happy.

“HE told her” and “I was most excited for” … those two comments tell me you and hubby didn’t completely communicate here and MIL while trying to do something good just landed right in a big ole pile of :poop:

SHE didn’t take away anything your husband/ her son GAVE it to her.

Your kids aren’t going to remember those higher dollar presents five years from now, they’re going to remember NOT going to grandmas house though.