My MIL gives my baby cake and tea: How can I tell her to stop?

How do I tell my mother in law to stop feeding my one-year-old black tea and cake? She comes from a generation that believes that me telling her what to do when she had lots of kids before, would be disrespectful. I tried once to explain to her that the baby is too young to have caffeine (black tea), and she told me straight away she doesn’t believe in this crap. Now I have been very ill for the last couple of days, and while I’m very grateful that she looks after the little one, it makes my blood boil when I see that she gets feed toast soaked in a copious amount of black tea, followed by Indian sweets … And the list goes on. How do I approach and explain?

68 Likes

Get over it she wont die.

11 Likes

Then tell her to stop. Be up front and honest. Tell her your the parent and she needs to respect your wishes or go find someone else who will

11 Likes

Yum :yum:
Girl bye I wish mine would have but both my grandmas died before I was born.

1 Like

Grandparents spoil
🤷

She probably won’t listen. You may need to hire someone to watch her instead if it bothers you that much

9 Likes

Actually my doctor told me a little caffeine won’t hurt (my daughter is 1 and gets sips from my coffee on the weekends). But as her mother, regardless of what your mom thinks, it’s your rules. You need to be firm

1 Like

Your baby, your rules … plain & simple

1 Like

Tell her no tea. If she continues, you have to prepare for her to not see your child. Is that what you want? I fought this same battle with my MIL (minus the caffeine). I know it’s hard, but you really do have to pick your battles.

4 Likes

If she babysits for you good luck with that daycares are a lot of money

5 Likes

Tell her flat out it’s not okay with you, Stand your ground this is your child

1 Like

Find another free babysitter.

5 Likes

Tell that lady to stop and that’s it. Its your baby. Stop her now or you’re in for a lifetime of giving into her ways out of fear of disrespecting aka sticking up for yourself.

1 Like

Don’t let her see her any more

4 Likes

Go with the flo. Indian babies do ok with it. So will yours. Also as you get older you will realize that every 10years or so dietary recommendations change. Babies are tough little critters.

7 Likes

Just don’t give your daughter those things when she’s with you. A little won’t hurt and it’ll save some stress.

3 Likes

Calmly explain to her that you do not want her giving this to your child. Yes, grandparents spoil, but spoiling and completely disregarding what you want as a parent is wrong. Your husband needs to be on board with you as well and back you up. Your child. Your rules. Period.

2 Likes

I fed my kids ice cream and collards as a couple weeks old. My granny said feed that baby. She said what do you think we fed you father when he was born

11 Likes

A hard thing to learn is that sometimes it’s ok to lay down the law with the older generations. Your baby, your rules. I understand that the “rules” change regarding kids regularly but you’re not comfortable with it so it’s a no go. Ask that your so have the discussion with her if you’re not comfortable. Stand your ground mama. Just be straight forward and firm.

Just tell her. She raised her kids how she wanted and she should let you do the same. It’s not her choice to make and she should know her place. End of story. That being said…be careful of being too fussy…

2 Likes

Be grateful she has her first off. Grandmas do these things. If you are there when she attempts, stop her. If it is really that terrible to you and you feel you can’t talk to her, then don’t ever leave her alone with your child. It’s that simple. It may come to a fight, but she won’t have cake and tea ever, as you wish.

2 Likes

Tell her she either stops and listens to what u say or she won’t be left alone with her granddaughter again… your the parent so she needs to listen to your rules when it comes to your child

2 Likes

Tell her to stop because you’ve said no or she doesn’t get to watch baby anymore it’s that simple

2 Likes

I’d have the babies father try to talk with her… and maybe even email the pediatrician and get their opinion to show the MIL.

You just tell her …

Regardless of what she thinks and how she raised you, you dont like her giving these foods/drinks, and so if she cant follow your rules, you’ll have to find someone else to watch bub who respects your wishes.

I might be the odd one out here, but your baby your rules :woman_shrugging:t3: while yes “grandparents spoil” and her babies were obviously fine, i still think it’s disrespectful to go against what a parent says. I had someone feed my baby food way before it was recommended or i was comfortable, and they are no longer allowed to watch my children without me there. You’ll either have to tolerate it, or find someone else to watch the baby. People tend to do what they want unfortunately

52 Likes

You don’t. Your husband should handle his mother.

18 Likes

Cop out, but… can you ask ur partner to have a word? Then u aren’t the bad guy and she cant really be mad with her own child!

4 Likes

She needs to respect your request.

1 Like

Tell her your child your rules. You are the parent and what you say goes whether she agrees or not xx

2 Likes

My Scottish grandmother used to give me a cup of tea now and then. She put some sugar and milk in it, and it was quite a treat for me.

7 Likes

Easy explain that this child is yours and you have a different styles then her if she can’t respect that she doesn’t need to be around

3 Likes

Just tell her not to do it it is your baby

1 Like

My kids were eating “adult” foods at 3-4 months old. It’ll be ok mom I promise

12 Likes

Do leave YOUR daughter with her!!! Pay a babysitter or daycare!!! That why I don’t babysit!!! It’s kinda funny that we raise kids and they are ok, and Now with this generation everything is wrong!!! They can’t stay here, and I don’t feed or anything, that’s the parents job…

8 Likes

Yeah telling grandparents no just doesn’t work. I had this problem with my MIL giving my daughter coffee. Kept telling her no. Didn’t work whatsoever so eventually I gave up on it. She said coffee makes kids sharper, brighter, smarter. Ummmmk.

3 Likes

Explain your wishes , and if it dont work I wouldn’t get upset … it’s not hurting the baby so dont worry to much … and if nothing else ask her doctor tell the doctor the amount of what grandma feeds her and see what they say … if they doctor says no … then you need to Express your self firmly that the babys doctor says NO MORE and tell her if she cant do what the doctor says then she will have to stop coming over until she is bigger

4 Likes

New studies actually show that a little bit of caffeine reduces the risk of infant sleep apnea- one of the causes of SIDS…but then again her generation didn’t have SIDS either …

4 Likes

The baby is over 1. I’m sure she’s fine. I doubt grandma’s going to do anything to harm that baby.

9 Likes

Don’t let her watch her. And tell her again- it’s my baby, stop doing that

Umm you grow some balls and actually be the parent… You’re so worried about that witches feelings that you’re in a form neglecting your child. Whats more important… little feelings or your child’s health. This is ridiculous!

Her generation is not yours and you need to put your foot down. If she gets offended or her feelings get hurt, then I’m sorry but that toxic shit needs to go.

You are mom. What you say goes. She needs to accept that.

8 Likes

What does your husband say?
If he was raised that way he probably feels it’s ok and you both need to have a talk with one another and then if you’re both in agreement sit down and talk with her

Have your husband speak to her! His family he can be the one to speak up!

2 Likes

I’m an Indian and that’s what most Indian drink lipton tea (black tea ) and that’s what my kids drink. When it comes to sweets I limit my kids with it .

4 Likes

Ask your doc what a safe amount it, and if it is horribly bad then tell your mil. My mom does small things like this, I just overlook it.

4 Likes

Lol aww I totally get where youre coming . I remember my mom giving my son McDonald’s sweet tea and funny bones before he turned 1🤪 explain your wishes and have hubby talk to her if it doesn’t work out consider other child care

If you don’t want her help and her treating your baby just as she did hers…find another sitter…you ain’t telling mama how to do anything…and that’s what I will tell my daughter in law one day too

16 Likes

I do the same thing with my grandkids I don’t do it in front of the parents though LOL

9 Likes

Stop allowing her to care for your child

She is right. U are being stipid

4 Likes

Get another sitter.
By the way a little won’t hurt your child. She’s one therefore should be introduced to a wide variety of tastes and foods

1 Like

Keep her away till she listens

1 Like

The little sweets I would let go. Let her spoil your little one, but the black tea with caffeine I’d definitely be saying something.

2 Likes

Watch the child yourself. Or get someone else to help out.

5 Likes

It’s really not that big of a deal🤷‍♀️

3 Likes

If she isn’t getting it daily or in large doses just try to relax about it. Your only other option is to stop sending the children around her grandmother which I think is too extreme.

2 Likes

Just need to ask yourself is this worth causing issues with your relationship with her over? And possibly end up her not being there to watch them? I understand your frustration, and it’s sad she doesn’t respect your wishes, I’m lucky everyone in my life has never questioned or tried to change how I parent, and are all supportive, we have open communication, I’m open to new things and their way of doing things, but if it doenst work or I dont agree, they stop. Hope you get it sorted!

1 Like

You might need to have your other half say something 1st then if things dont change let him know you will be saying someth

It’s a losing battle. Either you stop sending kid there or younger over it

1 Like

It’s your child. If she can’t respect your wishes, don’t let her be around the child.

My MIL and my mom does the same thing(continues to give the kids things I requested they not have). They continue to tell me it’s part of being a grandmother.

I honestly am just appreciative that they’re there to watch our kids when we need them to, I’ve learned that nothing they are doing will cause any long term damage so I stepped back and stopped being a control freak. Now that they know it doesn’t bother me, they stopped doing it as much. :woman_shrugging:t3:

7 Likes

Just be grateful she wont be able to help forever

4 Likes

Just tell her how you feel and if she can’t agree to your rules, find a new sitter. At the end of the day, YOU ARE THE MOTHER!!!

Get a different baby sitter if it bothers you that bad. Small amounts won’t hurt a 1 year old child, if your baby was 2 months old; we’d have different feelings.

2 Likes

Ahh, to be spoiled by a grandparent is delicious. I promise it will last for an instant in the grand scheme of things :heart::heart:

6 Likes

Yall are crazy. If she doesnt want people giving her kids things she says they cant have then that needs to be respected, point blank period.

9 Likes

What the hell is wrong with most of you guys. Just because her MIL is watching her child while she’s sick for free, doesn’t mean that her MIL can do what ever the hell she wants with the baby.

I see that a lot of you are going to be those mothers that feel like their children mistreat them because they don’t allow them to see the grandbabies. If you cannot respect someone’s wishes for how they want their child/children raised then maybe just don’t watch peoples children for them.

All I’m seeing on here is a bunch of disrespectful asshats that are telling this mom she’s wrong for not wanting her child to have a shit ton of caffeine and sugar. Y’all have some serious problems.

I would tell her how you appreciate her help that if she doesn’t obey your wishes that you will have no choice but to get someone else to help.And ask her, When her kids were small and someone tried to do something to them that she didn’t like , how did it make her feel ?

2 Likes

Nope. Your kid your rules. You don’t want your kid eating or drinking something? Then NO ONE SHOULD CONTINUE TO DO SO. That’s so disrespectful. I wouldn’t let her watch my kid anymore, and if she was going to be around my child then I’d be there Everytime to tell her NO

3 Likes

She’s need to respect your wishes. Tell her to stop because neither one is good for the baby, be mean if she refuses to listen

My one year old was drinking tea before he was one. And he ate sweeta. Docter said listen to old generation like great grandparents etc because new isnt worth account. We went straight to whole foods an whole milk b4 6 months. My baby is fine he gain weight an was no longer under weight. Listen to old docters to lol

4 Likes

The amount of rude people on here is insane. I’d tell her that if she cant respect you as the mother of her grandchild and cant respect that , that child is NOT hers. Then you can find somebody who will respect you to watch her.

Dont let anybody disrespect you. Your wishes arent anything extreme, they’re rather simple. And it’s a smack in the face for somebody to do something to your child that you continue to ask them not to do.

5 Likes

It will be a fond memory for her one day.

4 Likes

If she is going to be offended by you doing what you feel is best by your child then maybe she needs to fuk right off🤷‍♀️ your the mum your your childs protection don’t let an uncomfortable conversation get in the way of that… I’d give my husband one chance to fix it if he fails go for it!

5 Likes

Mine are 5 and 8 And I still don’t want them drinking tea but unfortunately my husband’s side are ok with their little ones drinking caffeine so not matter how much I say it they get it when I’m not there… I also don’t do soft drink and rarely cordial… I know it won’t kill them but that’s just my parenting way. :frowning:

Get over it, I hardly think she is going to hurt your baby…

5 Likes

Personally… I don’t see how she’s harming your child. Does your child have health issues to where she can’t have it?

4 Likes

Well grandparents r suppose to spoil grandchildren… My mom gave my kids pop at age one I give mine few oz of mine as well💁 it really not gonna hurt them

3 Likes

You tell her to stop… not her kid… it’s yours.

If she don’t abide by the parents rules and standards find someone else. I literally just spent 4 days in another state watching my step mom feed this baby vid d milk, chocolate milk (with a bottle), and cookies. Only two meals while I was there for three days. Respect goes a long ways. If they don’t respect you find another sitter. You’re baby would be better off. I was a sitter for 2 two year olds while my son was two. Yes three two year olds on top of the other four I have. I always respected what was told to me and didn’t give what they said not to. That’s what a good sitter does. If we are not the parent we don’t make those decisions. It will go on if you allow it.

Maybe request that she give the baby caffeine free tea instead, sort of a compromise

4 Likes

In our family, we had a well meaning relative not listen and give a baby something she hadn’t had before. She went into anaphylactic shock. Turns out she was allergic to eggs. Listen. To. The. Parents.

11 Likes

You all turned out fine as a child

1 Like

At 1 they can have anything so that’s prolly have she gives it to her. Just tell her to stop if u want her to. I don’t see any harm in it but u said no so she shouldn’t do it.

1 Like

I would talk to her about the black tea. Maybe say caffeine free would be better. She’s making memories with the sweets. I would not let that bother me. She’s not hurting the child. Sounds like she’s a huge help.

1 Like

Don’t let her watch you kid if she doesn’t respect what you want.

2 Likes

It’s your child so you make the rules not her. You just need to be upfront about your expectations. Just because she is a grandparent doesn’t mean she can do whatever she wants. She already raised her children and she should be respectful and let you do the same no matter what she thinks she may be knowledgeable about. Things are not the same as they were a long time ago.

2 Likes

Speaking from experience she may find it disrespectful but at the end of the day you are that child’s mother! And what you say goes whether she likes it or not and your husband should definitely back you up on that!

How can I ladies be saying get over it. Your child your rules. Lay the law down.

2 Likes

Get up and take care of your kids yourself. I’m sorry but she’s not going to respect your wishes and therefore she shouldn’t be taking care of your kids.

11 Likes

Easy… u lie… u tell her that the baby very got sick from it

3 Likes

I’m kind of on the fence with this one. You are mom so a level of respect should be there for what you ask, but she may just want to spoil your kid a bit.

1 Like

tell her to stop, straightforward and to the point. Your child not hers, your rules not hers.

my great grandma refused to give me needed medicine when I was a kid (forgot what it was for) because she said “you just tough it out until you’re better again” I told my mom about it and she stopped letting her babysit until she agreed to give me the medicine. You’re the parent. Remember that.

1 Like

Tell her stop. Simply like that. Or take care of your kid yourself.

3 Likes

Your kid, your rules.

1 Like

I would personally just deal with it. You want a baby sitter, right? I don’t see her stopping unless you dont let her watch him anymore. I don’t agree with what she’s doing, but pick your battles. I’m doing shit alone & it’s hard. I would let it go just to have a baby sitter.

Easy. He is my child, respect my wishes. Period.

1 Like