My MIL invited my SO over but not me or the kids: Advice?

The MIL, which we do not speak to or see, sent a text asking the SO if he could stop by. They’d like to see him for Christmas. And could he come alone because they’d like to see him “without people waiting in the car for him”. His fiancé and kids… You’d like to invite him over without your grandchildren and his fiancé…

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Kind of understandable if you dont speak and it’s the middle of a pandemic…

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So? He doesn’t have to go. And if he does, then you need to speak to him about it.

The question is did he go? If he went that shows his allegiance.

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Not uncommon. I had a restraining order against my ex MIL so my ex husband had to go see her by himself without me even in the car waiting. I left it up to him to decide whether he was going to continue seeing her or not. He quit and stopped all contact with her until we divorced.

That’s bloody rude ! I’ve heard of “ outlaws “ but that’s ridiculous! I hope your SO steps up & says something to her ~ that’s unacceptable!

It isn’t weird for him to go alone? Especially if they don’t talk maybe they want some alone time to rebuild?

If y’all don’t talk to her and he does. Let him go, that’s your decision and it’s his decision to see his family.

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If he can’t go see his own mom without you throwing a tantrum. … I think you have more urgent problems . just saying

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Well, if my sons fiance refused to get out of the car and my son was rushed to visit I’d send the same text.
Sounds like both women are toxic. Poor dude!

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So you don’t speak to or see her and your upset she asked him to come alone ?

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It’s not nice but your not family and people have a right to not want to see you or your kids !

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I send mine solo. He was hers first. She may like seeing just her kid.

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If you guys don’t get along it’s probably better to no have anything to do with her. Let him go if he wants, it will probably be less drama for you anyway if you are not involved.

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Well sounds to me like there’s more to the story…and if u admitted u dont talk why would u expect an invitation . Petty! If he goes let it be…let him go…as long as he is responsible and returns at a decent hour I dont see the issue. If he decides not to go…even better!

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I’m going to look at it from the other side… maybe this is the first step of moving forward? Start with their son, talk to him to see what they can do to move forward to have a relationship with not only him but you and the grandkids. This could be the first step.

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Me and my Father in law don’t see eye to he has never once seen his grandbaby she is now 2 well hubby wants to go visit him like 2 hours away mind you they don’t bother to come see us when they are this way but anyhows I told my husband he was welcome to go but me and his daughter wasn’t because if he wants to treat us both like strangers that’s what he’s gonna get but I would never stop my husband for seeing his family.

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You may not like it but it’s still his family … don’t make him choose or you may not like his choice

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My father tried this when me and my current first got together, based on the age gap (there’s 11 years between us) - I told him where to stick it :woman_shrugging:

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I will never make my husband choose between me or his mom. I do not have to like her or be involved in their relationship at all.
If she don’t like me fine, I dont care but i’d never get mad or tell him he could not see her. Not my place. And honestly I don’t want people around my kids who don’t like me anyway.
I’d just be clear that its all good as long as she is not causing fights in the marriage.

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Well I mean… if you don’t get out of the car any other time why would she invite you this time? Tf lol, make it make sense

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Ummm u guys don’t talk so why does it matter
Let him go alone no drama

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Why would you and your kids wait in the car for him? There’s a lot of the story left out here. If you don’t get along, that’s still his family. He has every right to see them with or with you.

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It’s his mom, if y’all don’t speak, why are you mad?

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My husband and his daughter (my step daughter) go to see his grandmother WITHOUT me or my child (who i had prior to marrying my husband)
Grandma has been nothing but malicious, mean and disrespectful to me since the beginning and it caused a lot of fights between them. Even at our wedding she came and spent the entire time telling all our guests how awful I was and how I was only marrying my husband for his house lol.
They spent many years not speaking because his grandmother “hates” me…
It used to bother me, Because there is no reason for her dislike for me or my child when he asks her all she says is “that woman came from nothing” And I have no idea wtf she is talking about lol…I run my own business, work and contribute to my household. I also take damn good care of my husband and his child and have for 7 years now.
I spent many nights stressing and crying over it…Then I realized it doesn’t matter what she thinks, her loss!
Now I am perfectly ok and encourage my husband to maintain his relationship with his grandmother because she is the only living family he has. I don’t need to be included, I’m ok with that now, And understand that their relationship has nothing to do with my marriage to him.
In a perfect world families can blend, But when one family member is an absolutely mean person…NO THANKS!!
No one should have to choose between their spouse or their family. And I would never put my husband in a position to have to choose because they only causes resentment.
My daughter and I always do something fun together while my husband and his daughter spend time with Grandma.

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I get it. She can’t spend any real time with him if you are waiting in the car… that’s just uncomfortable for everyone.

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I think the thing I’d be more annoyed about is our kids couldn’t go. Then there’d be a problem. And I’m sure my SO would address it if anyone was mistreating his kids or didn’t want them around :woman_shrugging:t2:

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If you guys don’t speak then I would let him go alone. But more importantly, it seems to me that BOTH of you have some serious issues to hash out and that you BOTH need to grow up.

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I’m sorry but as a family we all go together. I dont see why they would be upset because you stay in the car. If they really wanted to see him you sitting in the car should not matter. I hope he told them no.

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I’m chiming in. My family doesn’t like my husband. We’ve been married 7 years and have a 2 year old son. Now my family wants to see just me and the baby every holiday but expects me to have my husband celebrate alone. Needless to say I don’t go. If my husband isn’t welcome then sorry I’m not either.

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You wait in the car with the kids, but your upset because she didn’t invite you and the kids. If she invited you and the kids would you have just stayed there in the car? If I just stayed in the car I would be happy they invited him by himself. Now you don’t have to sit in the car…

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If you dont like mil then dont go. No way I would stop my husband from seeing his mom. No way anyone is going to tell me not to see my mom.

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Looooooool
I cant even imagine ny fiance leaving the kids and going to see anyone else on Christmas. He’d tell his family to GFTS before he did that. Your MIL is a POS. What grandparents dont want to see their grandchildren :thinking:

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That’s pretty freaking rude

I fail to see the issue… it’s his mom, she wants to see him, and you don’t talk to her. :woman_shrugging:

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The people she is referring to is probably just you and not the kids because as you mentioned you’ll do not get along. Unfortunately that is his family and you cannot stop him from having a relationship with them . In my opinion he should go alone or with the kids when he visits and not with you, makes things less complicated.
For what it’s worth maybe try mending the relationship between you’ll.
It’s not easy for your husband to please both sides

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I’m sure the reason as to why things aren’t good between all parties was left out for a reason.
His parents want to see him, they are making a step towards a relationship worth their son… so let them. The fact that you instantly turn that into about you says a lot.
How about let him go, then complain after you find out why they want to see their son .

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Why would it matter if you guys don’t talk or have a relationship. Let him go to his mom’s

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His momma loved him first.

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I agree there is more to the story. If you don’t speak why would you want to go. Also would you let the kids go without you ? Maybe MIL would like the kids but you re a package deal and thats a no.

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I mean, if you don’t speak to her…won’t let the kids see her…and would stay in the car when you go over then…to be frank…I see the point of her text. Maybe it is best they go alone and you just deal with it. :woman_shrugging: You can’t ignore the MIL and then expect her to want you over too. The kids don’t get a choice, but you all do. So either be an adult and have a relationship with her, for the kids sake, or keep up what you’re doing. Either way, you can’t keep your SO away from their mom.

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I feel he should stop by and see them when ever he wants but if they dont invite the whole family for holiday then that’s thier problem not your or his . He should just say I am spending my holiday with my family.

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The really question is…
Would you honestly want to get invited over JUST TO SIT in the car outside waiting for him to done with his visit??
You’re throwing a fit over this? Seriously? Grow up

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Shit feel lucky you get asked to stay home. My room mate refuses to go to “HIS” parents unless myself and my boys go with him🤦‍♀️

That’s his mom will always be his mom you don’t want to go so what’s the big deal if he gos sees his mom

The worst place to be is between a mother and her child, you know this if you are a mom. The same respect you will want some day from the significant other’s of your own children.
Watch for karma.

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I don’t get along with my mother in law but I’m not gonna tell my husband he can’t go and see HIS MOTHER. Lol I’d rather him go alone than for me to just sit in the truck and wait for him :joy:

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I can’t stand my husbands n the feelings are mutual on her end. I just tell him to go if he wants to. She’s a narcissistic controlling women n I refuse to be around that as she’s very disrespectful to me n my parenting n toxic as I took her son away n she’s told me on multiple occasions she can’t share him n has tried to come in between us.

plans need to be made in advance if at all possible. So I can leave if they come here or I can plan some me time if he goes. she can see my daughter with supervision from him. As his mom knows my hubby n I are both alergic to shellfish.
Yet his mom fed our daughter some on one of her babysitting days n her tummy got really upset. Since the little has been put in daycare.

But as much as I can not stand his mom or her me I will not sop him from seeing or talking to her I just ask they keep my name of their mouth’s n they keep her away from me n I’m happy

If me or my kids aren’t allowed to go, none of us go :woman_shrugging:t3: Let the monster in law sulk.

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I don’t know the story behind it, but he is entitled to see his parents. You’re going to be spending the rest of your life with him… One holiday isn’t a big deal.

Don’t be mad at her be mad at your dude lol not her !!!

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Your husband needs to have a conversation about respect for his wife and children with her. Seems toxic.

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Let him go alone. It hurts but let that pain go. Besides its covid.

If you are just going to wait in the car then I agree he should go without, so that he can spend some quality time. I also agree that there seems to be a lot of the story being left out, why would you wait in the car, why not go in with him?

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2 things here. Your waiting in the car? Why? Theres more going on here.
Also, im just going to have to assume that since HE also hadn’t seen his mom in awhile he at one point agreed with you that shits toxic with mil.
It all really depends on the offense imo. If it was awful that you just don’t come back from- I’d be upset at my so for allowing that toxic energy back into our lives if he went.
If it was not that serious, straight up just call her and ask why he’s invited and his family is not.
Bc no matter what if this man marries you- is he going to be faced with the decision again and again?

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If she had of invited all of you… would you have gone?
If the answer is no then let the man go see his parents!! I am a firm believer that you don’t have to like/love them, you can stand up for yourself against them… but if he chooses to, he should be allowed to have a relationship with them!

Also, people don’t like rejection. If they think if they invited you, that you would say no… then they won’t invite you. Maybe this is their way of starting to mend the rift, too. Starting with him as family and then extending to you and the children.

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Thats his MOTHER. she isn’t gonna be around forever. Its not your place to keep him from her.

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Would you be waiting in the car by your own choice or hers?

lol ok your mil just happens to not want you around :grin:someone is not bein truthful​:woman_shrugging:

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I’d be irritated but if he wants to stop by and see her then let him. That’s something he needs to discuss with her though

I guess the real question is why do you and the kids wait in the car and if you never go in why does it upset you that she doesn’t want you there?

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Why would you want to go if your relationship with her is that cruddy? I want to see my mum without my fiance… I encourage him to see his without me. We don’t own each other, we don’t have to live in each others pockets, we own a house, have dogs and kid(s) but we are still separate grown adults with lives beyond our relationship. You don’t have to be a ‘package’ all the time.

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Would you want a woman or man to keep your child from you?

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I wouldn’t stop him from seeing her but would be annoyed that she didn’t want to see her grandchildren

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F that! I’d never go to my parents if my kids and spouse weren’t welcome. Spouse wouldn’t either.
Maybe he has a toxic family. So some of y’all acting like she should be okay with this isn’t okay either.

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My mil does this but its only me she dont want around :woman_shrugging:

You should want to be supportive…that’s his parents …do you want your kids to not talk to you because of their spouses? Put yourself in your mother in law’s shoes? Karma is a biatch…js.

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Kids see how their parents act around each other they are not stupid…js

Why do you need advice? It’s up to him whether he wants to go or not, it’s his family. Sounds to me like you don’t want to see them and that’s why she assumes you’d be waiting in the car. In that case just stay home with the kids.

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Maybe his family needs to talk to him about something. Maybe someone is ill. It’s up to him to decide whether to go. I would never tell my husband he couldn’t see his own family if he wanted to.

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My husband wouldn’t go :woman_shrugging:t4: I’m all for my husband going places alone but I’m ALWAYS invited also if I wanted to go and if HIS CHILDREN or myself aren’t welcome he isn’t going.

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I’d tell him to feel free to stay if he goes

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Not okay. You all should be invited together as a family or not at a

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Are all mother in laws the same?!? One reason I’ll never marry again

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I think if a grandma doesn’t want to see her grandkids that’s a problem. You and her can deal without a relationship, that’s fine, but why take it out on the kids? That’s just wrong.

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From the other side, seeing how my SIL treats my mother is heart breaking, please don’t stop your husband seeing his parents, they may not get everything right but they still raised him and love him, and parents are not here forever

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My husband would never accept an invitation without me being welcome, and neither would I.

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Girlfriends, boyfriends, fiancé or spouse have a set relationship, they don’t replace any other relationships between parents, siblings, extended family etc…

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I been with my S/O 11 years and his family never wants me or our daughter to come . It used to bother me and my daughter now she doesnt care and tells him she has my family that cares about her . Dont let it get to you

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If my husband went somewhere we weren’t welcomed I’d be getting a divorce. And we’ve been together for 14 years. He should not allow someone to disrespect his future wife let alone his kids. If your MIL is being like that then she needs to be cut off completely. Yall are a package deal. For your fiancé, his priorities should be your family yall created. Not where he came from.

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Why would your fiance want to go somewhere his family isn’t welcome? Some of y’all sound dumb. “so he can’t see his mom???”. His mom doesn’t wanna see her grandkids so yes that’s a problem tf

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This happened to me a couple years ago with my FIL. He specifically texted my hubby and told HIM to come to his house without me and bring the kids. I pulled rank with my oldest since he’s got a different dad and said he wasn’t going, but gave my hubby the option to go and take my youngest (our son together). He chose to stay home with us. I still caught hell afterwards, but I didn’t force him either way.

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I’ve been with my SO jus about 20 years we have 4 kids together 3 boys 1 girl, 14 11 6 2.
MIL doesn’t bother the kids all these years me and her don’t talk just at work as we work together but that is as far as it goes she jus started talking to the kids this year nothing major no full blown convos jus a hi n bye type, shes never excepted my kids which used to bother me but not anymore he goes and see his family I stay away which is fine with me all these years hes invited to dinners holidays birthdays and we have ours with my family.

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My ex mother-in-law is a wonderful woman. It’s too bad her son has some mental health issues. She does go out of her way to send my son stuff. I love her to death I feel bad I just couldn’t handle my ex’s behaviors at the time and I had his baby on the way. Maybe I was blessed, I got along with my in-laws well.

Um maybe they are quarentine away from the virus.

I wouldn’t be going somewhere my kids and partner wasn’t allowed…

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He needs to take this one and set some boundaries. You need to have a conversation with him about it and get on the same page.

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How is he supposed to rebuild his relationship with his family if he can’t go without y’all!?! It’s a FAMILY matter and since y’all don’t even speak— it’s clear you’re not family to her… yet. Let him deal with his mom and if she doesn’t want you there, why would you even want to go. That’s for him to address with her. Same for the kids. Maybe they need some grown folk time without little ears or that distraction. Not your circus— not your monkeys… stay in your lane

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If your husband is man enough he would of told them he won’t be visiting without his family or to [email protected]@$ off!

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Don’t make your husband choose between you and his parents. You may not like his choice. You didn’t add the reason for you not talking to them, life is much too short for this drama! Let him see his parents!

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Well I’m confused because were you welcome before? Did you sit in the car and wait for him or did you go inside and interact? If you showed up and just sat in the car then that’s rude and I wouldn’t want you either.

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Jesus ppl. She has not said he isn’t allowed to see his parents. She’s not keeping him from going. Stop having a go and saying ‘don’t make him choose.’ she’s not making him choose. She’s asking what to do because he was invited specifically and her and their kids were not. She’s probably just asking if it’s OK to be angry (cause it would piss me off, but I have great in laws.) Or if she can kinda invite herself and kids inside so they don’t have to “wait in the car”

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Who do they assume would wait in the car on Xmas? Anyhow, it’s not a crime to want to see your child alone. Maybe you should not make it about you and hope for the best that things get smoothed out so you and the kids can eventually come around comfortably.

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I read this differently. I read it that as her and the kids just sit in the car they don’t get to visit with their son properly. That he is conscious they are outside and rushes his visit. They’ve therefore asked that they don’t come and sit in the car taking away the time pressures.

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truth is most wives are not welcome they just tolerate you cos they want to see their son

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I’ve never been welcomed at my in laws.

Today my boyfriends step mom texted him and said “hey we’re having dinner at 3 if you and Mikey Jr. wanna come.”

  1. That’s not my sons name, it’s Hudsen Michael G.

  2. That leaves me and my 3yo home and specifically left out. (He’s not related to them)

At some point my older is going to realize he isn’t as important as his brother and it’s going to make me break the f loose.

For now I leave it be, I can’t stand their asses either :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Why would the kids stay in the car the previous visits? How many times have you stayed in the car? If you’re not going to leave the car why even bother making the trip .

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Just because your SO gets an invite. Does not mean he is required to go. That’s his choice. Which should tell you where you stand.

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She might be taking that first step to reconnecting to her son, and further his family

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He can go and see her by himself. But he needs to respect whatever boundaries you guys have set. That could be not discussing them with you or telling them your personal information.

It’s pretty obvious something big happened if no one sees/speaks to her including him. Also kind of rude to refer to her grandkids/his family like they’re some randoms. Also I wouldn’t agree with him going during a holiday and taking away from his family/friends he has a working relationship with. It’s suspect to me that she may be trying to rug sweep whatever happened or was said.

Wish there was more info to give a clearer answer.

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