My MIL invited my SO over but not me or the kids: Advice?

I’d be thankful I wasn’t invited if they are making that kind a point not to see us.

115 Likes

To play devil’s advocate here, if you just wait in the car the whole time… I could see why she asked for that.

121 Likes

Let him go by himself if he chooses don’t send her cards or gifts or acknowledge her she will just use it against you “if he smart he won’t go either just send her a tiny card empty for the holidays see if she gets the message!

4 Likes

I was in a situation like that. I let him go and then years later I watched it all come tumbling down with no interference. It’ll come in due Time without interfering or caous on the woman’s ( or unwanted ones part)

11 Likes

Nope. Not happening here. We’re all invited or none of us are.

I’ve had situations where my husband hasn’t like me certain friends of mine (they had a falling out), said friend didn’t hold a grudge but husband did and when she had events and invited me she made a point to say that hubby is invited as well. He never went but it didn’t stop me from seeing my friend.

8 Likes

I’m confused…he’s your significant other/fiancé …but she’s your ‘mother-in-law’? So technically she’s not your MIL yet so you must play the role of being his children’s mom/fiancée. If she doesn’t speak to you and the kids in the past, why would Christmas be any different? Why would you want to wait in the car with the kids anyway?

23 Likes

Maybe they have some personal family news to discuss and it is hard enough to have the conversation in the first place, with the strained relationship, so it would be even more uncomfortable for them if everybody was there. Just a thought, I hope all involved can find peace in their lives. :purple_heart:

7 Likes

Nobody should have to choose from the family they came from vs the family their creating with you.

Why is this even a question?
And yes, there really isn’t enough information to elaborate a proper answer…

Why would anyone be bitter about a person seeing a relative? Is the Mil setting him up with a “new” person?
No, they simply want to see one of their family members…

Idk if this is simply jealousy or if you are that controlling… or why your bitter about it…?

Seems like everyone wants people to “put family first” but only if it’s the “family” they like… :woman_facepalming:t3:

Don’t make him choose “what he does or else” completely not fair and what if these tables were turned?

Be a partner not a project and support him in whatever choice they decide to make.

Always be Better not Bitter.

19 Likes

Why would you sit in the car? Are you not allowed in the house? If she just wants to see her son, do you go along and wait in the car? I am confused. I would never come between my husband and seeing his parents. I like my in laws, but even if I didn’t…I would not stop him from seeing his parents.

17 Likes

Why do you go along just to wait in the car? Let the poor bloke see his family on peace with out the need to rush away.

29 Likes

I would encourage him to bring the kids and you can stay home. You don’t have to go and that’s ok but the kids should go. Do not pressure him to cut off his parents, it is up to him. I don’t have the easiest MIL and I just pick my battles wisely.

11 Likes

Speaking as someone with an incredibly troubled relationship with my MIL, I have in fact had a very similar scenario where she wanted him over without me. (and she proceeded to blame me for everything wrong in her world.) in fact she has not met our 5month old baby and hasn’t seen our 3 year old in over a year, but all of that being said I have seen a few comments and feel that if she were to call him up and make the request to see him alone, I would encourage it. I lost my brother 2 years ago and although we were incredibly close I would hate to feel the regret some people feel when someone dies after not having spoken to them because of rubbish at the end of the day. There is very little that bad that should cause such a rift. I have begged and pleaded to try rectify the relationship and it hasn’t worked so if my husband was asked to come I would be hopeful rather than spiteful. It could lead to a better relationship. Don’t make him think your relationship is at risk if he goes. He needs you to be his rock!

5 Likes

I am so shocked so many people are calling her a B and backing the mother in law. Sure we need more info but geez people! MILs can be nightmares and some you can’t reason with (like mine). Obviously something happened to the relationship but for grandparents not to want to see their grand babies, I would refuse to go if I was in the husbands shoes. That isn’t ok to alienate the children.

10 Likes

Nope we don’t go where our whole family isn’t welcome

18 Likes

Why go and sit in the car with the kids?? Of course he should see his family. Stay home and let him go. He should be able to take the kids too if he wants. Sounds like you have a lot of resentment and maybe a bit of jealousy too.

6 Likes

I’m a cunt.
Don’t invite her to the wedding…
Also, if he went without me. There wouldn’t be a wedding.

But I know none of this would happen because I love my MIL and she loves me and her grannies (one who isn’t biologically her sons). And actually, honestly we would try and sort shit out.

27 Likes

Maybe the SO should suggest you and the kids go in and not just sit in the car. They want to spend time with the SO and it may feel rushed with fiancé and kids sitting outside

8 Likes

I could understand YOU not being invited, but he should bring his kids.

5 Likes

Don’t go and just let him go it’s not worth the argument

36 Likes

Nope. If she doesn’t want you or the kids around, he should stay away too. That’s toxic and all it will do is cause issues in your relationship.

62 Likes

My husband has family issues involving me…
40 yrs of marriage… he is welcome to do what ever he feels…but, he stays classy…speaks to them if spoken to. He dies not create a conversation and he just goes on past them.
Nothing rude, just keeps his distance. It’s obvious to them I won, and I never had to say anything.
Sorry for gloating, but I been thru hell with them.

3 Likes

Hmm there are too many questions left unanswered. Sometimes it’s not just the “bitchy mother in laws from hell”. Sometimes the daughter in laws are just entitled cunts. (Btw…I said what I said) If you choose to sit in the car with your kids when he DOES go there, then no wonder she said for your ass to stay at home😂

82 Likes

She sounds like a peice of work…be glad she only wants him to come see her lol

2 Likes

I need the backstory before I form an opinion. Don’t give me this one sided BS. Lol. Why does she not like you or your kids? Tell me the whole truth. I won’t judge.

8 Likes

Let him have his rekationship with his mother . im in the same situation and i came to the realisation that my kids and i arent missing out . DONT even worry about it nor force it . its definetly a hard pill to swallow and its unfortunate but you and your children will be okay . as much as i dont like it ( my situation ) . i dont ever put my husband in a situation to where he got to choose. Thats his mom by the end of the day and she can be JUST that … family drama and toxicity i will keep away from my kids and i . and if mil dont want to settle differences ( which she dont, in my case ) . shit fuxk it . i will not lose any sleep and neither will my kids… Just move forward …

4 Likes

“without people waiting in the car for him” did she say this because it’s something you do? Or did she say it because your not welcome in their house?

6 Likes

Maybe there is something important that they need to discuss with him?

5 Likes

I wouldn’t want to go anywhere I’m not wanted or my kids. I’d tell him to go she’s no threat to your relationship. He’ll still come home to you and the kids like he does every day

2 Likes

At the end of the day it’s his mum n dad if he wants a relationship with them so be it you don’t have to

3 Likes

Depends on the reason why you don’t speak to her. It would have to be really bad for me not to let my kids see her.

2 Likes

It’s his family idk the shit between y’all and why they wouldn’t at least wanna see the kids but I’m sure it would still mean a lot to him to at least say hello to his family

1 Like

If you sit in the car when he goes there, then yeah I’d invite him by himself as well…

24 Likes

I don’t see the big deal.Just you don’t get along with ml you shouldn’t stop or interfere with him having a relationship with his family.i don’t know the circumstances but

1 Like

Mine does this … always makes her holidays same time as something else going on , refuses every year to come to our home , and then only tells the husband her son she wants to see him. One year she specifically asked for him and his daughter to come alone without his wife and step kids.
I put a stop to it and it got old finally with my husband now the kids are grown and they do as they please he sees her on his own time when nothing else is going on. Which means she doesn’t get holidays bc those he spends with us … she bit herself right in the ass

1 Like

I get it… sometimes people want their kids for themselves. Why not suggest ur husband stop over in his own time, on a weekend for a quick coffee, meet in town during a shop so he can have time with her one on one. When my kids r sleeping I sometimes pop over alone to see my mum so we can have a chat and I can listen to what’s going on in her life without it all being about the kids.

2 Likes

Sounds like hes a mommys boy if you are asking…, he should have said no to his mother, are they his kids? The mil is rude either way…if he’s not standing up for you now, he never will!

1 Like

You said you don’t speak to her , you should respect that or try fix the reason why you don’t talk to her … let him go alone … I would only be too happy if this was my situation …

1 Like

I think I cannot form an opinion on it without knowing more. Obviously something already happened before, otherwise she would not ask to see him in this specific way.

What happened that was so bad they don’t want to see their grandchildren on Christmas? Why would you have to wait in the car? No! Just no! If he goes he chooses then over his family unit. That you and your children.

3 Likes
  1. he should address and set a boundary that he doesn’t need the drama and if his family isn’t welcome he doesn’t agree with that. 2) however if she wants to see her son to discuss issues, he is available on x date at x time but it won’t be Christmas

Maybe the reason he does not see or talk to his parents is because of his fiancee. We do not know the whole story.

1 Like

Nope, nope, nope. It’s one or all. You won’t separate the family we’ve built and my man would NEVER let anyone do that

1 Like

I would let him make the decision on if he is going to go or not and go from there. Depending on the details regarding why there is no communication between you and the MIL he should make the best decision dependent on all the circumstances. Additionally he should have responded to her text accordingly as well.

There’s something wrong with a grandmother who doesn’t want to see her grandchildren on Christmas. You also have to wonder how long and tight those apron strings are. There are a lot of missing parts here…

1 Like

Let him go if he wants to. I think it would be more stressful if you were invited so I’d let this one play out.

1 Like

Talk it through with your other half…how does he feel about it? If he wants to go let him go, not knowing the background story here. It is his mum…if he doesn’t want to then hey no issues.

Maybe it is a reconciliation meeting🤷‍♀️

To the end of the day, that’s his mom. Let him go. Perhaps she has some family matters she wants to discuss. Life is short, what if she dies and that was the last opportunity for him to see her? You guys obviously have problems, let him go and choose another time to discuss it and try to work it out. Do u usually sit in the car with the kids and wait on him? Why not go with him up to the door? Some people consider it rude. Anyway. You’re all adults, stop being petty for the sake of the kids.

He could offer to meet up with her for lunch sometime, bit not on a special day for family.

1 Like

Since you choose to wait in the car when yall go over it sounds like you dont want to see her and it doesnt bother you. However now that the MIL tell the son to come alone since you dont get off…what’s the difference?? It shouldn’t bother you since you dont want to see her right? It bothers you now because SHE is suggesting you not go, its no longer your choosing.

A bit hard to follow… it’s not a MIL if you’re not married… are the kids young/teens or adult? Issues led up to a reason why your not welcome there but how awful to try to keep a son from his mother or grandchildren from grandma :cry:
I hope you work it out or end the relationship… your SO will resent you :broken_heart:

Sounds to me like you’re the one being petty and putting your husband in an awkward uncomfortable position. Of course he wants to see his mother, but if you’re waiting in the car refusing to go inside and be cordial for your husband’s sake, then that’s not helpful and stresses everyone out. Try putting your feelings aside and think about your husband in this situation. Either he goes alone and you’re comfortable at home or you all go and you (being his future wife) don’t make him choose and try and mend issues, if anything just plaster a smile on for a couple hours.

Maybe she doesn’t feel like you are her daughter in-law yet and wanted time with her son

1 Like

If you don’t speak to her or see her, what’s the issue? Consider yourself lucky you don’t have to go and fake a smile.

4 Likes

I think you should let him make his own decisions when it comes to HIS mother. Don’t make him choose!

I wonder if anyone ever thought she sat in the car because the MIL was a witch?!?! One of my exes mom used to practically ignore me when there or would talk about me as if I wasn’t there! So of course I wouldn’t want to be there. I would sit and wait in the car and he never understood why. We broke up shortly after that. Now I have 2 mother in laws (my fiances mom and my daughters grandmother) and I couldn’t have asked for better!!! I am lucky now but sometimes it really is the MIL.

You’re marrying him not his mother. Just be the bigger, better person and keep it moving. No need to feed into that negative energy. Maybe one day she’ll figure it out.

Same problem my pos mil said I wasn’t welcome in her home yrs ago we have 3 kids ALL her blood and she never gets them anything for Christmas or birthdays she has custody of his oldest daughter due to a jacked up system and she refuses to let us have her or even get her for summer or holidays she only liked me when she found out I was making as much money as her son

That’s her son , she don’t have to invite you . Let him go alone end of story .

7 Likes

My mil invites hubby over all the time and we as in her grandkids and me would wait in the car cause she always had something nasty to say to me or in a way to the kids and I got fed up with it. Also she completely ignores the fact that I have 2 older boys by my first husband that died. She acts like they don’t even exist! So hubby goes over there and deals with her and we don’t! I told him the last time we went over there I wasn’t waiting in the car any more and I was not going to let her talk to our kids like that any more. She even went as far as to buy our kids presents but told them they couldn’t play with them or open them only look. I got furious and grabbed the present and threw them in the back of our pick up truck and put the kids in and told hubby I was leaving, all while she was complaining to him that they were presents for her house. Btw the kids never ever go to her house so she doesn’t need to toys for them there. She then told the kids that she had more things for them but they couldn’t have them until they got older. I swear I wanted to slap her so bad! Hubby took my side and told her to keep them then if she wouldn’t give them to the kids they didn’t need them.
So if your mil is as bad as mine just don’t go and let him deal with her. Really how bad is it if he’s gone an hour to her house. It takes my hubby 15 minutes to get there and 15 to get back and he’s only gone an hour max so that tells you how long he deals with her crap!

You need to try to connect with her. At least try because one day she’ll be gone & if he has no relationship with his mother because you don’t get along with her he’ll resent you. I’d text her and ask her out for lunch. Try to squash the problem

Well why do you stay in the vehicle?? Be the bigger person and put everything pass you because of yiur children. Get off and spend time with his family even if you have to sit next to your man and stay quiet.

Hopefully he didn’t go that’s not right 1 those are their granbabies

If you don’t speak and would just stay in the car… I mean come on, they want to see their kid.

Unless it’s not your choice to not have contact…

You don’t see her any other time , so why would Christmas matter. Order in takeout for you and the kids, forget housework and bedtimes, and make it a fun game night.

If i was him i would of told her no especially if she doesn’t want the kids around.

1 Like

I’m sorry, I can’t give any advice without knowing… are the kids yours from a previous relationship? Or yours and his together? Can the OP please edit in this information? It really does make a difference.

You say MIL but then fiancée? Perhaps time to evaluate if you actually get married or not. I’m sure years or hurt on alll sides and not enough to give TRUE advice.

No. I’d leave my husband and I take my kids if he chose his parents over us.

Sounds like “SO“ needs to stand up for “YOU“.

1 Like

My husband doesn’t go where I’m not invited and I don’t go where he’s not invited it should go both ways

If he is that weak that he would put these a-holes ahead of you , run like hell while you have a chance .

I would have told him to tell,her if my kids or fiancé can’t come, than I’m not coming…SIMPLE

Um it’s time to cut her out completely end of story

5 Likes

Why aren’t you and your children welcome? Did something happen? They don’t talk, why?
There are too many details left blank here.
Why would everyone be waiting in the car? Is it Bc you’ve done that before?

If they haven’t spoken and if it’s Bc of something you did, then he should make effort to see them at some point that day. If it’s not Bc of anything you did, then he should see them Christmas Eve or after and explain that he will be with his fiancé and children on
Christmas. He doesn’t need to be there on Christmas Day for someone who isn’t there for him or his family at all. But on the flip side, if you’ve done something to cause this or acted out before, stop keeping him from his mother. He has every right.
It seems that more has happened and you are being vague for a reason.

Let him make is own decision. It is his mother whatever the situation. Its totally his decision.

If I was your SO, I would have to tell my parents if they can not at least accept my children then I would have to cut off all ties with them

In all honesty if you all can’t swallow your pride at least at Christmas, then there is no reason for you to be there. Life is too short for so much drama honestly…when I was younger my great grandmother used to say “be a duck and let that shit roll off your back like water” and that is how I life my life!!

Let him make the choice as to what he does, there’s no point in upsetting yourself or causing an argument, that’s probably what she’s hoping for, bake her some cookies for him to take with him☺️

He needs to grow a pair act like a men say if you and kids are not welcome he is not , if its his Mother he needs to set her straight on this

My husband’s mom was like this for no reason. My husband stopped seeing her because she was so unhealthy.

Does he want to go? Maybe this will be the time they try to make amends and wanted to do it 1:1 with him.

Clearly SOMETHING has happened that is ‘missing’ from the story… You referred to her as MIL during the introduction but than referred to yourself as fiance🤔… So you’re not married yet?.. Are you invited over any other time?

If feel like there is a lot being left out. But if your man can’t be a man and defend his family time to move on…

Do u go n wait in the car so he can hurry back out?? Its his mom wtf let him go and make him take the child if its his

To me it seems like u n kids have waited in the car before. Im assuming YOU didnt wanna go in. So why are you mad if she didnt invite you? Maybe theres a lot more to the story but Im just saying. Think about why youre really mad? Do u wanna go? Why is there beef?

Omg He’s a man, not your toddler to control.
Grow some self esteem & let him go see his mother.
He can do it without you, or are you a toxic control freak?

Well here she stays in the car. She is toxic and hatefule and will start ish anywhere they are. NOT HERE. I have no time. For the BS I am getting older and I don’t want any part of this side show. She is on thin ice just being in the car… so there are two sides

Are the children biologically his?

2 Likes

You mean she wanted to visit her son alone? Sounds like there was a toxic relationship before and she might want to fix it.

Has something happened to make her like this or is she just a snirped up old hag who can’t stand the fact her son has made a life away from her apron?

Was you going to be really waiting for him in the car… :joy::joy:

5 Likes

Just let him go sooner or later they will get bored they know what buttons to press if you take no notice they will stop doing it

We are in the middle of a pandemic! Over here households arn’t allowed to mix unless you are in a support bubble

Apparently she doesn’t want to see the kids either sound like she has a mommy boy problem

Have out own party with people who love you and you love it’s all gooyou married to this person?d. Are

My only question is why does the mil not want to see the grandkids? He’s a grown adult he should be able to have a relationship with whomever he wants.

Why do you sit in the car with the kids?

I wonder if the grandkids are the bio kids to the dad?? Too many details not given.

If the fiance is a biotch, I understand. But no kiddos?? I don’t understand.

1 Like

My MIL was the same. Now she is on hospice and my kids and my SO refuse to visit her.

3 Likes