Maybe don’t rely on your mom for help with the kids. She sounds resentful. Could you change your hours?
Sounds like she’s getting tired of babysitting, try finding another one, less stress on everyone…
5 Likes
Didn’t read the whole thing…but really you are trying to make ends meet and work and do your best…so back off …as you too are forgetting the past
It’s 2022. Things aren’t like they were back then. Tell her if she thinks she can do a better job now with the world the way it is, please…. Do so. Until then, ask her if she has a REASONABLE change for how she believes you should live your life and still pay your bills and you will do it.
1 Like
I’m sorry your going through that shes being overly dramatic and needs to back off do you have a close friend that can watch kids for you while yall work
1 Like
Find someone else to stay with the kids while you work and then tell your mom that is the quality of time spent with children that is important and the quantity means nothing.
2 Likes
All these people telling you to change your job/hours? Wtf. You do what works for you girl. But if it’s an issue with who is currently watching them, I’d change that. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life:tipping_hand_woman:
.
7 Likes
Maybe she’s just tired. Also does she keep them at your house or her’s??? Do you pay her? So many questions need answers.
4 Likes
I think you’re doing fine but I will say you might look into getting a babysitter instead of relying on your mother for childcare. At least then she really has no grounds to stand on as far as complaining about your life goes.
6 Likes
Get another sitter. Leave the selfish MIL alone. Keep her out of your business and live your life
2 Likes
Your mom is being toxic
3 Likes
I think that maybe because this is coming from your mom it hits much harder than if it were a friend. We tend to seek the approval of our parent’s and especially our mom’s when we are mom’s ourselves. I think you’re doing what works for your family and that maybe the approval you really need to seek is your own. You’re a rock star…own it
8 Likes
You are amazing 
tell your mom she must be feeling guilt for how she raised her kids and is letting it out on you. She needs a reality check.
2 Likes
Just ignore her, maybe she is just tired of watching your kids and do not know how to tell you, try to find someone else to babysit your daughters
2 Likes
If u can’t change your hours then get a new baby sitter. Nothing wrong with how your doing it. Almost sounds like she doesn’t want to be there.
5 Likes
Sounds like she maybe jelouse because your working and she don’t get to
5 Likes
It sounds like your mom doesn’t want to baby sit. The traditional mindset of mothers should be home. Moms can’t win. If we work we are never home enough or don’t spend enough time with the kids. If we stay home then we have it easy and don’t contribute enough. What works for your family is what’s best despite any input from others. Family that helps you with your children sometimes feel because they help they are entitled to tell you their opinions and what you should do. It’s not their place. Take it with a grain of salt.
4 Likes
She’s never worked shift work. And neither have most of the people on this thread. You’re doing fine. And they will be fine. There’s not a parent alive that works shift work that hasn’t set up some kind of safe way to nap when your kids are home. Especially since Covid. Find a different solution if she isn’t on board. You’re doing fine
4 Likes
Fond a different sitter. Any time a parent is baby sitting full time, problems arise.
1 Like
I’m sure your mom loves the kids beyond measure, but you work 9- 4am, so she has them around what…8:30? Then they get up and school 8-3:30, and you have 4-9? You get 5 hours out of 24? Sounds like mom and school raise your kids. She raised her kids. I have been the gma and had kids 10-15 hr days due to working kids and let me tell you…its alot! Love your job is great and income important, however maybe you need a job while kids are in school. Not trying to be mean by any means, but maybe she wants space, time and a life too besides being everyone’s dumping ground. Family comes 1st…job second. You chose to have kids, not her. Sounds like mom os being used and your schedule and time is far more important than hers. Kinda selfish for those saying cut her out of your lives because she is tired and wants “me time too”
8 Likes
Your mom needs a break she getting tired been there and done that !!
2 Likes
I think she just needs a break maybe . I don’t see anything wrong with how you’re doing it
2 Likes
Can someone else watch the kids or can one of you switch shifts so that you can alternate?
My mom is the same way! I ignore her.
When I was going to college and working ! My mom told me I was a bad mom and I don’t see my kids enough. I went to work from 7am-3pm (they were in school) and then school from 6-9pm. Mon-fri so I could try and make a better life for my kids! We lived with my mom an she had me paying her $800 a month for one room to share with my kids! And had the fucking nerve to say that shit. She’s toxic. Your mom is toxic.
I’d find someone else to watch them.
I would stop having my mom watch them and get a different sitter. Sounds like you and your hubby have a thing going and your girls have a routine that works for everyone. 
9 Likes
Damned if you do damned if you don’t situation…but it sounds like the only problem is your mother!!! Don’t doubt yourself
Ye olde SAHM vs working mom guilt trip. The real problem is she is your kids’ caregiver, so you can’t just roll your eyes and avoid her.
Multiple possibilities: 1) She’s envious that you love your job (she likely had to stay home). 2) All of this blither blather is a long-winded way of saying she doesn’t want to take care of your kids anymore (for whatever reason) and is being REALLY indirect. 3) Who knows what else.
She doesn’t understand how much children cost these days. She doesn’t know how expensive housing is relative to salaries. When she grew up, a summer job could cover college costs, workers had pensions, and employer health insurance covered most health care costs. That’s not the current reality. But I doubt that explaining this will get you anywhere.
It sounds like she just doesn’t want this job anymore. Ideally, you’d find out why. Maybe she wants her privacy. Maybe she doesn’t like schedules changing with little notice. Maybe she feels like she’s juggling your kids and your nephew and doesn’t like it. Try to find out, but know it’s likely you’ll have to make alternative child care arrangements.
3 Likes
Find another sitter. You don’t need this grief. You’ll be happier
2 Likes
Maybe offer to pay mom…
You just needed to vent. Good for you. You are doing great. May be time to let grandma go ,as the overnight sitter, she’s probably menopausal and having issues of her own. So keep your ways but with a new sitter. You are doing fine. Blessings.
4 Likes
Ignore her, your kids your life, live it and get on with it and blank her out xx
2 Likes
This has nothing to do with you.
- She had to give up her career to care for her kids, and she resented that. To make it “fair,” she wants you to suffer as she did. First, tell her you appreciate the sacrifices she made for y’all. Then try asking about her career dreams & see if she can’t at least grab a little of that now (take community college courses, volunteer somewhere she can engage with whatever she wanted to be.
- She’s exhausted, probably nervous and worried about the kids so never sleeps much because she wants to achieve perfection. It also probably reminds her she’s not getting any younger and things are starting to ache and that makes her cranky. Tell her she’s done an incredible job with the kids, but you notice the wear and tear on her & want her to relax a bit so you want to take this job away by
11 Likes
Working while they sleep and sleeping while they are at school is no different then working during the day and sleeping while they sleep. The struggle to provide and spend enough time with your kids its real its a constant battle between providing for your family vs spending quality time. I spend as much time as I can with my son but I also have to work full time and am the only living parent so there’s a constant guilt about not feeling like I am there enough.
8 Likes
I would find someone else you trust to be spending the nights with my kids. You need some distance from your mom. Way to close if she thinks it’s ok to push her opinions down her throat.
8 Likes
First thing you need to do is put boundaries with your mom. If she can’t be there for her grandchildren when they’re sleeping then she needs to go. Second thing is if she still wants to stay with the grandkids when they’re sleep she has absolutely say in what you or your husband do. This is not a subject you should be discussing with her. If she won’t stay then you need to find another way to sort this. She’s not doing you a favour; those are her grandkids. That’s the line you need to draw. Also does she spend enough time with the kids? She needs to stop making you feel guilty. It’s hard enough with 2 incomes. She’s old school and wanting you to quit. Please don’t If she’s that old school, she needs to look after the grandkids all the time like old timers’ did.
2 Likes
Sounds like u and your amazing husband Job I wouldn’t even listen to ur mom
2 Likes
I guess she’s saying you can’t work more and pick up extra shifts if you’re depending on your husband to look after the kids because he is sleeping when the kids are there 
(Your own admission)
I’m sure she’s coming from a sincere place that she is just worried that you are stretching yourself too thin and the kids are I’m assuming still too young (in her opinion) to be without you while your husband is working long hours or refueling with sleep/rest. I don’t really look at it as a criticism that you’re not doing enough. I think she’s trying to say you can’t do it all, from a place of concern for you.
3 Likes
Girl, keep up the good work! It Sounds like you are doing just fine for you and your family!! The kids are at an age where even if their dad does take a nap they should be just fine! Of course I always tell the kids do not answer the door, talk to strangers, all that good stuff! Sounds like she has a lack of excitement in her life so she is causing drama!
1 Like
Maybe mom is tired,she has raised her children now she is expected to keep not just your children but your siblings children also. I think you need to give her a break,allow her to be a grandparent not a babysitter whenever everyone wants,of course she worries times are much different now.
9 Likes
Before I went back to work my mom called me lazy… I got a job where I work 5 days a week…my kids are 10 and 13 so if we are all home they are in their rooms anyways🙄 she says I don’t see them enough… I ignore it! They know I’m working for them! Until my kids complain I’m not leaving my job!
6 Likes
I personally if it was me, I would tell her to back off. You and your husband have the plan and if she don’t like it she can just do her thing and you will find someone else and she can go without seeing them til she realizes you are doing the best you can. Hugs and wish your family well. Hang in there momma.
2 Likes
Find someone else to watch your kids…its the best outcome at this point
5 Likes
Sounds to be like you have everything under control where your children are concerned! I worked nights and my husband worked days so our child was always with one of us! So I would be finding someone else to stay with kids and tell Mom she wouldn’t be needed or worry about taken care of kids any longer and find someone else!
6 Likes
I agree with your mom on part of this. Sorry, but 6 and 8 years old are too young to basically watch themselves with adult/s sleeping.
2 Likes
MAY I ASK one QUESTION ?? What IS YOUR JOB ??
Do you pay Mom to babysit? I would be looking for someone else to babysit - Mom just wants to nag, sounds like. Cut her out.
2 Likes
I ask --because when my kids were little my sister helped me too – but she did NOT understand my job nor my hours !!
You know what is best for your family, if your mum can’t be on board with that then there’s the problem, from what you have sed you and your husband are both doing amazing and your children are happy, healthy and loved, I can’t see any reason for your mum to be riding you so hard
1 Like
I say look into a nanny service around your area, for a nanny that will work those hours.
2 Likes
Find a sitter to help out, mom dosent want to help anymore
4 Likes
I’d tell her to be quite and it’s not her business and I’d probably also find someone else to watch your kids while you work. Cause if she continues to watch them she is going to keep complaining about it.
2 Likes
If what you’re doing is working for you. Stick with it. It sounds like your children know their boundaries. And what to do if a parent is needed. Your mom seems to be a bit jealous. No time for you and her.
3 Likes
I agree with your mom.
1 Like
You are doing what you are supposed to be doing. Keep up the good work. But I would find someone else to watch the kids for you.
1 Like
A different babysitter
3 Likes
Girl. It’s just time for you to get a real sitter/day care. Your mom doesn’t want to keep them anymore and she’s taking it out on you. Honestly you’re working. All you need is to get an overnight sitter. There are overnight daycares as well. Your problem will be solved that quick. Start paying for childcare and no one ca. talk ish about you.
2 Likes
Maybe she is worn out babysitting for you and the sister. Hire someone to help and tell your sister or in law she should do the same.
5 Likes
Tell her you will quit your job happily if she could give you the money instead. That should shut her up.
3 Likes
Your mom shud be happy to watch her grandkids, cause i adore my grandkids, i gave up my job to watch my grandchildren ad wen my daughter put the kids in early care i was a bit heartsore, but soon i got over it ad accepted the parents descions…Grandparents need to understand they had there own kids, parents decide for there own kids, so dont stress about momma, you do u… As long as u ad your own family are happy together that all that matters 
1 Like
I don’t really know what to say… you are doing your best working to keep food on the table for your children etc but at the same no I agree he should not be sleeping while the children are home… a 6 year old does not have a great knowledge of danger and should not be getting their own snacks it’s an accident eating to happen x
2 Likes
Uugh sounds like your mother wants you to quit work and be a SAHM.
Hire an au pair
3 Likes
Absolutely no reflection on you as you clearly work very hard between yourselves but perhaps your Mum just doesn’t want to do it anymore.See if you can find someone else you trust then tell Mum you feel it’s becoming too much for her ( that way won’t hurt her feelings, even though she has hurt yours)so you have now made alternative arrangements.
5 Likes
I would tell her that husband and I would not watch nephew anymore at all, as you have your own kids, tell HER to watch him. I would also tell her that since she doesn’t want to watch the kids (which is what the underlying issue is)then that is fine, a nanny or sitter can be found and SHE will then miss time with them because the kids will be busy with family stuff when parents aren’t at work. And leave it at that.
2 Likes
She was raised in a different time, you have to ignore her.
2 Likes
I’d see if I couldn’t find someone else to watch the kids the few nights a week you work. Sounds like mom is too controlling and she’s tired of watching them. If you’re job works for you and your household, don’t worry about what she thinks.
2 Likes
I’m not seeing what the issue is. Growing up, my mother worked days, & my step dad worked nights, so when we got home from school, we’d call our mom, eat a snack, & knew to be quiet b/c our Step Dad was sleeping. So he was there in case of emergency, but otherwise, we were fine. But that was the 90’s, nowadays it’d probably be considered “negligence” or “abuse” 
If what ur doing works for u & ur kids are ok, then who cares what anybody else thinks Maybe ask a neighbor to check in if that’ll make everyone feel better.
4 Likes
It sounds like your mum is more annoyed that she can’t leave your nephew with you at a moment’s notice 
Does she also look after your siblings children? Perhaps she’s finding it too much . Personally I would find an alternative child minder.my neighbour had a succession of live in au pair’s to help her when her children were younger xxx
6 Likes
Sounds to me that you’re mum doesnt want to look after the kids anymore and trying to make you feel bad about not seeing the kids to quit job instead of her telling you she doesn’t want to watch kids anymore x
9 Likes
Personally I wouldn’t make a habit of sleeping during the day when my children are home, I wouldn’t find that safe. I don’t even nap during my daughters quiet time unless she is napping. I would also find a new babysitter as it sounds she may get resentful if you don’t
1 Like
I feel this mama on so many levels.
Omg you freaking people! She clearly stated that she does not sleep while she is home with the kids. She thoroughly explains why her husband was NAPPING. We don’t know the maturity of her kids… If both parents think this is ok when it’s NOT A NORMAL THING, sounds like they believe their kids are mature enough for this situation. They can wake dad for anything while he naps right there under the same damn roof. Also - this was not the ops question AT ALL. It sounds to me like your mother is being the a hole but not just expressing what she needs to happen here. Instead of her being honest about what she can handle she’s trying to make you feel guilty so you will quit and she won’t be necessary anymore. Just make her unnecessary and I bet those comments stop girl. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. My heart goes out to you.
It sounds like your mother is either overwhelmed, over tired or not used to you saying no to her.
1 Like
Find someone else.
An tell her don’t accept to help to just spend the whole time moaning. Help or dont. But be upfront. Nothing wrong with women working as well as the dad what a odd old fashioned way to think.
It sounds more like she isn’t able to drop your nephew with you at any given point and that’s annoying her (also the nephew I’m assuming SHE agreed to watch not YOU) and she knows yours and your husbands schedule is crazy busy so why is she asking to add another kid in to that 
2 Likes
l get paid over $ 140 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes $ 15471 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Info Here >>> https://goldenjob43.wixsite.com/my-site
I feel bad for your mother who has to watch all the grandkids all the time
6 Likes
Your mom is tired. She’s raised her kids and this is her time to relax and be a grandma, not a caretaker. Find other options and talk with your husband. You should not have to figure this out on your own. It sounds like you do everything possible, so for once let him be the leader of this family and figure it out. But grandma is tired.
8 Likes
You are doing more than enough and she is being ridiculous
1 Like
When I worked thirds I worked 9pm to 6 am and slept while he was in school and had the whole evening with him for homework bath and dinner. Fuck your mom dk what’s best for your family. These days I switched to first shift but only because I got a divorce.
Sounds like you are doing the best you can. Could she be transferring anger with the nephew’s mom to you?
1 Like
Think your mum is probaly finding it hard to cope. Maybe find someone else to look after them . She’s probably tired so wants you to quit rather rather than admit she’s finding it hard .and believe me being a nan can be very tiring .
4 Likes
You just have to let it roll off your back… We obviously don’t know what kind of person your mom is, but seems like she either is bored and feeling some type of way and needs someone to complain about or she has a bad way of telling you she no longer wants to babysit… either way just nicely ask her if she would like you to find other arrangements for your girls on those 2-3 nights a week… she has no right to complain to you about how you care for your children when they are home with your husband. She is your mother so try to be nice and or validate her feelings but this is YOUR life and YOUR family and as long as no one is being abused or neglected then you need to do what’s best for your family and yourself… you love your job and in order for your kids to be happy you have to be happy as well. Good luck mama!
1 Like
Moms are willing to help. But taking advantage is another thing. Reality is- Your Mom already raised her kids- she just wants to be Grandma
6 Likes
Definitely need to find someone else to watch your kiddos and tell her to F off. You doing what you can to provide for them.
2 Likes
Grandma must realize that it is a different world out there .people must work to make a go of it both of them I think you manage well but p erhaps Grammais finding it too much for her
2 Likes
If she is not walking in your shoes, pay no mind to her and politely ask her to keep her comments and innuendos to herself. It is ok to place boundaries with your mom. She is getting to you because you are letting her get to you. If you don’t participate in her negativity then she is talking to herself.
If you’re only working 2-3 days a week….then you better be spending those off days with your kids. If you’re not, you need to reevaluate your life.
1 Like
Sounds like your mom is just tired and stressed. Maybe find someone else to babysit the kids for you.
4 Likes
Offer her to mind her own buisness, unless she’s paying your bills it’s not her concern:woman_shrugging:
Asking ur mom to watch the kids overnight in your home when you’re working is asking a lot honestly. It would be hard on most grandparents. It seems like this arrangement is no longer working for, and that’s ok. She has every right to no longer do it. This is a hard situation but one that many parents would find it hard to workout.
3 Likes
Take a deep breaths and let it go. You are doing what is best for your family. When my children were younger I was divorced and worked in a chemical plant as an operator doing 12 hour shifts. My children grew up responsible adults and are extremely close to each other they are also loving parents. Blow all that negativity away from you and enjoy your family.
1 Like
How old are the kids? That makes a big difference, but I did not see their age…Sounds like your Mom needs to take a step back,or spend more time with her grandkids herself if she is that worried…
It sounds like you are doing the best you can. I would find someone else to watch your kids. At 8 and 6 they are old enough for you to ask a high school girl to come home with them and watch them while you sleep. Or while your husband sleeps. Or while you work for that matter, at your house. High school girls can usually adjust their schedule to pinch hit when you get called in to work on your off days. I had to work nights as a single parent and I had two high school girls who were life savers for me. And they didn’t overcharge me. Then on your days off, spend all the time you can with your kids. Take them to the park, out to get food to bring home and eat. Have a special TV show you watch every week without fail, or pick out a movie. Make it fun. Ignore your mom. She’s not paying your bills. She doesn’t need to know your business.
2 Likes
Yup. Time to find someone else to help you.
2 Likes
Advise your mother that you will stay home if she pays your salary to enable you to support your family as you have been doing. She will back off.
1 Like
Do you pay her? Recognize her and thank her for helping? Appreciate her. That’s a hard shift for a lot of people. Yes your kids are sleeping while you’re working. However she is just concerned for you too. It’s not good for one to only sleep 3 or 4 hours a day. The children should not be alone they are if a parent is sleeping unsupervised.
3 Likes
Let her know that by saying this over and over she isn’t being helpful. If she keeps it up just agree and add that u r doing what is right for your family
Tell her, her services are no longer needed. Hire someone who can come over when you are at work, and can take the kids to school, etc. That way you will be taking care of your family and yourselves. My kids are grown with their own homes, and they still want their dad to do things for them
He works 12 hr shifts at night, and they think since he is home during the day, he can do that
HELLO, He has to sleep. He has enough to do working and taking care of me, since I am disabled.
That’s why I worked nights for years… So I could be at sports events or concerts or whatever for my kids. Of course, with all this new mandating crap in healthcare (I am a CNA), I had problems where work expected me to stay 4 hours after my shift or come in early 4 hours before my shift, and that caused alot of problems with being able to be a mom! So I made the decision that this is not for me… I actually feel better & get sleep now lol. We need to work or do something for money, but being a mom comes before an employer, which is a huge problem nowadays with employers because they think the job comes first!
I’d say try getting a job for the hours they’re in school and stop talking to mom for awhile because clearly she’s tired of it
1 Like
Find someone else to stay with them. She doesn’t want to stay with them therefore the complaining
1 Like