Please address it. Give her the ultimatum. Love them equally or she’s no longer welcome. This will end up hurting your daughter otherwise.
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My mama and grandma have favorites too
I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. You tell her that she has a choice, that she either starts to treat everyone equally or she can be cut off entirely (and YES YOU DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY THAT TO HER) . Even/if She doesn’t think so.
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Talk to her about it first go from there
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Your mom needs to either be fair to both or she needs to hit the road! She knows exactly what she is doing, don’t let her do it anymore
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If you can’t love all of my kids and treat them all equally then GET FUCKED. You don’t get to know either of them 
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Wow I wish I had some helpful advice or words of wisdom but my heart breaks for you & your children.
I would suggest privately confronting your mom
I think I’d address my mom about it. Without arguing. Just genuinely wanting to figure out why it is that the oldest gets the cold shoulder. Have plenty of examples on hand of her cold shoulder and her favoritism towards the youngest so that she can get a clear picture of what you’ve been witnessing and for how long. Let her know it hurts your feelings and as the 1st child gets older, it’ll hurt hers too— & that you’re not going to have it. Discuss that you need an explanation along with an immediate solution Bc it’ll be both kids or none at all for her if not.
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Most people gravitate to babies… Are you sure you’re not reading more into it?
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Wow. What was she like as a mother? Do you have siblings?
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She would be CANCELED in my house until she learns how to treat both babies equally. Never will I let anybody mistreat my babies. Mom or not!!
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That’s so cruel! I wouldn’t want anyone around my child that doesn’t love them anyways. Sounds lik your mom has some mental disorders m. I would say go get help therapy or medications then once u r a normal loving human being you can come see your grandchildren. If she’s willing to mentally and emotionally hurt ur child what else is she capable of nope sry no way she would b cut the F off until she showed she was different.
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If she can’t suppress her “favorite gene” she limits access to your children. As a mother you should never knowingly put your child in an uncomfortable position. I don’t care who the person is. Your Momma Bear, protect your cubs.
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If she can’t treat them the same, she doesn’t need to see either of them.
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She wouldn’t be able to see me or my children.
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I’d cut my mom off if I was in this situation. My kids come first
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Have an open and honest conversation. Your daughter will figure it out sooner than you think.
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She wouldn’t see either child until she treated both the same.
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Then she wouldn’t be coming over at all treat them the same or keep moving
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My nephews went through this. The older one asked if he could go with his grandma and sister, grandma said no because he didn’t know her, at 3 or 4 he flat out said yes I do, you’re my grandma. She took him that day and every day since. My youngest nephew asked and was told pretty much the same thing (different grandma though). After she left with his sister, he bawled his eyes out and told my sister he’s going to send a meteor to her house. My sister told the grandma that and she’s planning to take him from now on too. He’s 6. So they do notice it young… I’d tell her to stop being dumb or get out of the younger ones life too
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Cut her out! Do not let your daughter suffer! And show your mom where the door is
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Be honest, tell her what you’ve noticed. There’s absolutely no excuse for favoritism in my book.
My mom told me to have an abortion with my first child. I was 20. I didn’t listen and I left home. Now He has been her “favorite” since the day he was born and that was 16 years ago. I now have 3 kids in total. I don’t think he is her favorite. She loves them all, but he is her first grandchild and they definitely have a strong bond. If your mom doesnt have a good relationship from the beginning I believe it probably just won’t happen. I know every family is different but the older they get, the harder it is to form a relationship and I wouldnt let her around often if it hurt my other kids feelings.
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Seriously this happened to me as a child and now myself and my siblings all hate and resent my “grandma” for it. Haven’t spoken to her in years. Don’t even consider her family. It’s still upsetting to look back on. Don’t put your baby through that!
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That’s sorta what I went through with my ex husbands grandma. She loved his boys to death couldn’t stand their mom. When my daughter came along she was mad I was pregnant which I understood to a point because he barley could care for what he had. Pregnancy wasn’t planned. But than she would ask to see the boys but never ask to see her. He said well she knows she’s here like.okay that don’t matter. She would message me and ask how the boys were but wouldn’t ask about my baby. Come christmas she didn’t even wanna buy her anything she bout her like two small things and bought the boys a ton of shit. I was like seriously dude I’m glad she don’t understand yet. His entire dad’s side was like that towards her
Don’t allow her around either of them! It’s not fair to your oldest she will eventually notice
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She can either treat them the same or not see them at all
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This is so sad…im a grandmother to 2 beautiful little girls ages 3 and 2 and love both of them to death. I do not treat either of them differently although the oldest one has special place in my heart cause she is my first grandbaby. But to show more love and attention to one and not the other I could never, those girls are my heart. I’m sorry I have no advice I just can’t phantom how she even thinks to do something like that.
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Tough love goes for everyone we love. It’s hard to give but worth it.
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That’s her lost treat both the same stop the siily shit and stop hurting that baby
Sounds like my mother. Heartbreaking
Talk to her and if things don’t change you’ll have to let her go
Cut that toxic heifer out
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That’s a hard one. I suggest treading lightly… I have been in a similar situation only my mom favors my brothers kids over my daughter… we were stationed in Texas when we had her and my mom was always begging us to move home. My husband retired from the military when my daughter had just turned 2 and we moved back to be with family. At first my mom loved seeing my daughter but that only lasted about 3 months… my brothers kids are 9 and 7. I tried to put up with it but I couldn’t anymore. I snapped and we didn’t talk for over a year. She never came to birthday parties or would even call to say merry Christmas or happy birthday to my daughter. Now we live 5 houses down from them and it’s only gotten worse. They will only invite my daughter down to “entertain” my niece and when my niece is done or my daughter doesn’t agree with her, she makes up lies and I have to go get her after 30 minutes but yet my parents have my niece and nephew 4 week nights and every weekend. They don’t ask her to sleep over, and heaven forbid my daughter asks to just be with them without the other kids around. My daughter and always will be an only child, she’s 5 yrs old. So she’s looking to have a bond with family. If we do go over and the other kids are not there my mom sends my daughter out back to swing, if she comes in we are asked to leave…I don’t get it. But over time I’ve learned I can’t control my mom but I can control how my daughters time is spent. I’m sorry your going through this and my heart breaks for you and your daughters…time to set some healthy boundaries for you and your girls. You don’t have to announce it or get into a fight over. Just control what you can♥️
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she may not realize she’s evening doing just talk to you mom and tell her you want to chat ask her what she’s playing favorites or ask better as her why she’s giving one more attention then the other ( so you don’t sound rude when you chat) And let her know that if she can’t show the same love and affection to your older one then she can’t come over until she can I know that’s harsh but what your mom is doing will creat a rift between the two kids and you don’t want that
Show her this post and the Maybe, just maybe she will get a hint ,
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This behavior is not good at all and is hurting your older child. Why would she love your little one but not your bigger one. You need to let her know this is not ok and love needs to be equal.
Don’t let her see either one of them until she can act right! My grandmother did this to me and most of my cousins! She favors my youngest aunts kids over the rest of us!
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My grandma (I’m the only biological grandchild)…she has hated me since a very young age. I was about 4 when it became extremely obvious. My aunt (her daughter) has a new gf every few months an my grandma will shower them with praise, love, money, goes to school stuff even after my aunt and gf split she still adores them…ok that’s ok, but I’m always wrong, I can’t have cookies before supper but those kids always did, she cut me down as I got older…too heavy (mind u I’ve been 5’1" since I was 9 an weighed 90lbs, even at 21 when I got pregnant I was 98lbs). My hair was always wrong. I got socks for birthdays/Christmas. Never learned my allergies or food I liked but learned the kids. I’ve never been good enough and even when I had my son at 21 I was a horrible mom, I shouldn’t have kids, an so on. I tried to ignore her cuts but it Broke me little by little. My son and I have some legal orders in placed to protect us and 2019 she put our safety in jeopardy, I tried for over a year begging her to stop.,finally last year I had police try talking to her and she told me horrible things she wished would happen to me. She disowned me. Great!! But then she tried digging her claws into my son doing similar behavioirs…he wants nothing to do with her. He is 7 and he knows her game. She has conditional love. You do as she wants, fit in her box then an only then will she love you. My son started school yesterday (back in person since all virtual)…drinking was more important then calling to see how his day was an she knew he wanted to tell her. You need to help your daughter. Grandma needs to love them both, or she has no place coming around. Its hurtful. You feel less than.
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Baby eff her! I’m sorry but you have a favorite tv show, a favorite shirt, a favorite drink…not a favorite grandchild.
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Start taking detail notes for a week(dates, occurances, times)…, then talk to your mom without your kids around…show her ur proof…ask her what’s the problem? Give her this one time to explain herself, I didn’t say u had to understand her…just let her tell u her dumb ass reasoning…then say “well as of this day, u will either show both girls the “grandma attention” or u will see neither”.
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It can be a power trip thing. Regardless that shit is chickenshit!! I have two boys and my dad will try and favor my baby and i cut that shit quick!. My oldest is attached to my mom (they are divorced) so he say bullshit like she already corrupted her. He laughs but I don’t play that when it comes to my kids.
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Talk to your mother and ask why she’s rejecting your older daughter? If no response then REJECT your mother like she’s rejecting your daughter!
They both should have equal love and attention by her!!
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Stop letting her. Literally. If you talk to her about it and she doesn’t stop, stop letting her come around. Kids DO pick up on that , and you knowing your mother does it and continuing to let her, your kids will see that and pick up on it as well. Dont let people like that around your kids!
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Sounds like my grandma. She loves my brother more, has always favored him… because he’s the boy. I don’t understand your situation. But if it was me I’d have a serious talk with her about how it will affect your older daughter. Cause trust me it will.
I had 3 girls & 1 boy…my mother would only take my
Girls overnight hurting my son so much, that he & I cried together because we COULDN’T understand Why she ALWATS left him out !!
On her last overnight request & leaving him home, I told asked her why was she leaving him out & her excuse was she DIDN’T know what to do with boys…BS!! I had an older brother & a younger brother…I put my foot down & told her if she Wouldn’t take him as well, then she Wouldn’t take ANY of them !! My girls were actually relieved, because they HATED their baby brother being left out, but we’re AFRAID they would get in trouble for expressing their feelings.
She had already told ALL of them NOT to call her Grandma, but to call her by her Given name instead. There was already a wall built by HER when the oldest was Only 4 years old.
Sad, but true…SHE just
DIDN’T want to be a grandma…she WASN’T a Loving MOM EITHER !!
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Just flat out ask her what her problem is with your oldest,let her know how you feel and what you would like to see happen after wards…nothing changes thenaybe stop the visits for a bit…or suggest some one on one time with grandma and the oldest.
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Treat them the same or never come to my house again ever
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My grandma told me she was disappointed in me for having a child out of wedlock… when I was 6mo pregnant. Guess she forgets I’m never getting married and… the sperm donor wanted nothing to do with my son. I’ve yet to talk to her since.
she doesnt get a relationship with either of them. how could a grown ass adult treat kids this way. this is fucking gross
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Tell her to treat them equally or she can’t see either of them. The good thing is that they are young and after some time of not seeing her she will be like last years toys ( forgotten) . If you don’t confront her nothing will ever change. She sounds terrible.
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Talk to your mom about it. I was the child favored by my grandmother and my mom was upset about it but never talked to her about it. Instead took it out on me. Not saying you would do that. But its best to just be honest and go from there.
I would straight out tell her that if you can’t treat them both the same then she don’t need to be a part of their life. Say the choice is yours. I know it’s your mom but once they hit 5 years of age she will definitely start feeling less loved and can sense that she gets treated differently.
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This is sad. It will affect the kids their whole life. Stand up for your children. This is not the time to say grandma is doing wrong, this is the time for the parents to do something right!
Get rid of your mom! Tell her shes not welcomed. Love your own kids equally and tell her to go to hell. Ur mom is a bitch and wrong.
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I’ve always tell everyone to treat my kids equally or don’t be apart of their lives. Kids don’t deserve to feel less than by anyone and kids are smart and can see the favoritism.
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What a miserable old bitch, fuck that!!!
Family is not an excuse for toxic behavior
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detach from mom. do not let her around either kiddo
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They do notice for sure!! I had a certain family member and even my mother favor the other kids simply because they were boys and I was a girl!! And I still remember to this day a decade later how I felt being made to do certain things or getting treated like I was less than just because I was a girl and not one of the favorites. I still refelect on it to this day and I still notice it now even being 28 that they still do it to this day! I know she’s young they both are but they will notice it one day and it will hurt them and they won’t forget it. Make sure you always let them know that YOU love them both equally tho. Never let them forget that because you telling them that they won’t forget that I promise. You have to talk to her. And if she says she will work on it yay but if she says your over exaggerating then find ways to prove it and if she won’t change do what you gotta do to protect your kids feelings.
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Talk to her about it. Definitely don’t allow her to get away with it… I am 37 years old… My dads mom favored my brother over me… It was obvious… He was the first grandson and I was literally the ONLY granddaughter… My grandma treated me so differently and it only got worse when my male little cousins was born… She passed when I was almost 12… My brothers first day of his senior year of high school… I still have hurt feelings and am scared from it… My grandpa was an amazing man(god rest his soul)… He tried to make up the difference when my grandma would pull her bs… I was grandpas little girl and no one made me cry or hurt my feelings… My mother would put her in her place but my dad always took my grandma’s side… Thats why my dad and myself are not close… It does not only affect the less favorite child… It will affect the whole family
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I had the same problem as one grandparent always wanted to take one child but not the other two. I put a stop to that very quickly by telling that grandparent that I had 3 children and they either took all or none at all!!! That sure solved that problem!!
You don’t pick favorites. Tell your mom to fuck off unless she can show the same affection to your kids. I would never allow anyone to treat my kids differently from one another.
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Try taking the baby somewhere and inviting your mom over but don’t tell her the baby isn’t there. Maybe just to see what she does
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Your mom is wrong, you have to stick up for your older daughter. I can’t imagine her heartbreak if she were to realize it on her own. If that time comes you will be in the position to explain, think about how that conversation will go. Demanding that your mother treat your kids the same will be much easier, and it’s the right thing to do. Nip that all in the bud now to save yourself and your daughter heartbreak in a year or so…
The father being the same or not is irrelevant, If she can’t treat them equally it’s up to you to call her in her shit, Before your oldest is at an age where she notices the difference, That can ruin a child.
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I got this because I was adopted. Idk why but my grandma on my dads side favored my older sister over me. She eventually didn’t even call to say happy Birthday etc to me and I had to graduate from high school with my 1st cousins who would brag about what Grandma got them for their birthdays etc. I still fixed her hair at her funeral though even though I made sure my cousins know how I felt. They were taking up for her when I say no child needs to feel unloved. Period. I would have a talk with your mom and make sure she knows how you see things.
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Favouritism in families is extremely upsetting & can cause long term affects. Definitely talk to your Mum about this issue before it gets worse. Your poor little girl should never feel insignificant especially by her grandmother. Nannies are suppose to be the next best thing to a mother so have never understood how some grandmothers can do this to their own grandchildren. Sadly this happens, wether it’s Parents, Grandies or Aunts & Uncles. I’ve seen first hand how favouritism affects a person long term & it’s very sad 
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Bye bye mom. Favoritism is harmful.
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You do not need to keep toxic family members around just because they’re family.
Read that again.
Talk to your mom, call her out on her bullshit. If that behavior continues towards your eldest, cut your mom off. Your children come first, regardless if they love your mom.
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Perhaps she never bonded with your first as much, maybe tell your mum how much your daughter adores her and ask if she would like have a special day with just the two of them.
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Tell her she’s not seeing either of them until she decides to act like a fucking grandmother.
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That is heartbreaking. I am sorry.
Cut out your mom. She’s toxic.
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If she doesn’t change cut her out of both of all of your lives that’s toxic and not ok
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Cut her off .
I’ve dealt with the same thing and I had to love from a distance to protect my child .
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Bottom line is you can’t love everyone equally. My grandparents loved my brother and sister more than me, yet I’m my mom’s favorite. That’s just the way it goes. Just suck it up and deal with it.
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You tell your mom either you love my kids equally or you won’t get to see them it’s hurting your daughter more for your mom to do this.
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You tell her to act right and treat both of your children equally, or that she’s not allowed to be a part of any of your lives, and then stick to your word no matter what. Your daughter knows that she’s treated differently, she can feel it, and it will hurt her. My grandmas always treated my cousins differently, and from a young age, I knew that they loved them more than they loved me and my siblings. You need to protect your daughters from that, that’s toxic, and it’s on par with emotional abuse.
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If she can’t treat them equally I wouldn’t let her be in the picture because it will cause problems when they are older
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My advice would be to have a private conversation with your mother regarding this obvious favoritism. She may not realize she is doing this, which can be the case, and maybe she will change her ways. I would calmly explain how it is effecting your oldest and how much she admires and loves her grandma. If this conversation turns into a fight, I would suggest to distance your family from her for awhile and maybe offer some form of family counseling where a therapist can mediate a healthy conversation between you and her and get to the bottom of why she has negativity towards your daughter.
I am sorry your daughter has to experience this as I know how it feels to be casted aside. I am sure she knows without a doubt that you and her father love her and that is what matters. Best of wishes.
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I deal with this with my mother in law. She only likes my husbands oldest. She’s 15. We have had 3 kids together. She never asks about them. She doesn’t even acknowledge them. She buys hundreds of $s worth of stuff every holiday for the oldest but nothing for the others. Unless it’s their birthday or Christmas then maybe a $20 gift and the oldest gets $1000+ worth. She’s went to zero sporting events for the youngest ones and every breathing event for the oldest. My husband has always allowed it regardless how many fights we have about it. The oldest lives with us full time as well. Her mom lives in another state with a new man, etc.
She wouldn’t be allowed in my home. Your priority is too your daughter and protecting her. Do not allow your mother to act that way. Don’t sit back and watch and feel sad.
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You definitely need to address this issue immediately that’s for sure before your daughter gets older 
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I would tell my mom she better love both my kids… BOTH HER GRANDCHILDREN the same or she will never see either of them again
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Cut her off. Your daughter will start to realize very soon. My daughter is only 4 and has started to realize the same. She always asks me why someone doesn’t come around, etc… cut her out before she gets older.
Talk to your mom. If she continues with this behavior cut your mom out of their lives.
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So sad I DON’T CARE HOW SHE FEEL SHE WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO VISIT EITHER AN I WOULD EXPLAIN TO MYBABIES WHY SIMPLE
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Tell your mom to treat them both right and equal or stop coming around until she can learn how to
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Your mom is toxic cut her off. If you dont she will only hurt your older child. Better to protect the child than let even a family member abuse her emotionally, and maybe verbally when she gets older.
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I wouldn’t allow he around my kids anymore if she doesn’t stop.
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Toxic…she needs to treat BOTH children the same. If she can’t then she needn’t bother…Your oldest will grow up questioning why grandma doesnt treat her the same, and thats simply not acceptable!
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She sounds like a toxic person. Speak up and cut her off if necessary.
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Tell her she needs to treat them both the same or stay away otherwise it’s going to make your oldest think something is wrong with her and she might even start to resent your mom and her sister because of this behavior. It’s just wrong to treat them so differently and soon she going to be old enough to realize she’s being treated indifferently by your mom.
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Me removing all shitty people out of me and my child’s life even if it’s a significant relative, treat us equally with respect or move along.
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My moms mom hated my father and treated me less equal than all her other grandkids. As i got older i disliked her because i started realizing she was nasty to me.
Either talk to her about it and tell her if she cant treat them equally she cant be apart of their lives 🤷 grandma or not … Its not ok to treat children less than what they deserve! Your children should be your#1 priority, not your mothers feelings.
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My mum is the same way. The kids are the ones who suffer and it’s not right. She’s cut off.
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Toxic behaviour and wouldnt allow her around either of my kids unless both were treated the same
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I’d sit down with her and have a one-on-one conversation and express to her exactly how you feel and see what she has to say for herself
I’d sit her down and explain exactly what you see and feel. If she can’t change I would walk away completely, never should one be treated so unfairly. Just my opinion