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QUESTION:
"My mom has cancer and it is hard for me to try to be there for her because she was not emotinally/mentally there for me through out my entier childhood…i havent cried, i dont know how to feel…i find myself forcing phone calls to her to check in on her…i feel bad that i feel this way…but growing up with a mom who only cared about how her relationship was with your father (thats a whole other story) it just does something to you…i dont hold it against her anymore, i have let it go and moved on…i just feel so disconnected from her now and dont know how to fix this…she never even acknowldged how she treated me growing up so maybe thats why i still feel disconnected? idk…but is there anything i can do? i dont want to have to force myself to be there but i guess i will so she has someone by her side through this…"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"This could be the time to talk to her about those things so as you may find closure before she is gone."
"try and talk it out with her now is the time to try and get your questions answered i wish i sat and talked to my parents when i had the chance my mom and i were not that close and i wish i asked why"
"I’ve been in this situation and you might feel like it’s forced now but once they pass it hits you. You would regret it years from now."
"I went thru the same thing and to be honest I didn’t do anything different and I have no regrets I would just do what you have always done and let her do what she has always done"
"You don’t have to feel any certain way. You’re valid in how you feel. However, I would let her know. You deserve closure."
"You don’t have to be there. Just be sure that whatever path you choose you can live with after the fact. You don’t owe her anything and you owe yourself everything. If you feel she is open and up to it have the conversations now she may not have ever looked at it from your perspective. Truly the next steps are up to you and in your control. Don’t beat yourself up for having all the up and down feelings you currently have. They’re normal and it doesn’t make you good or bad either way."
"I felt the same way when my dad passed away. He had cussed me and said very bad things. Because my sister lied to him. I never talked to him ever again. I tried a few times. I know people say I will regret it but I don’t. He was never there for me but always for my sister. I know it’s not my fault for the way he choose to parent."
"I am so sorry. Even being detached from her I’m sure it hurts knowing you dont feel anything. Just help her get through it. Be who you needed. If she passes at least you can say you tried harder than she did"
"You dont have to be there if you don’t want to not just because she’s a parent"
"You dont owe her anything. I have cancer myself and if i did that to my babygirl i would not blame her. In my opinion at least talk with her now to help your and her healing before you dont have the chance any longer"
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