My mom keeps flaking out on babysitting my kids: Advice?

Does thier Father have family that can help.

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Not her job, put them in day care

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So many rude comments and assumptions… It’s a shame really! They obviously had arrangements for her mama to be sitter and now instead she’s blowing her off. She’s not pawning her kids off constantly… SHE’S GOING TO WORK. Huge difference! Grandparents are definitely not what they were when I was growing up.

Poster, I do feel for you. It’s super hard being an (obvious) single mother having to do everything for yourself. Reaching out to the ones you think you can count on. Then the mental health issues tacked on makes a huge mess. Other than government help I don’t have much advice but don’t let these negative ladies tell you your feelings aren’t valid. Bc THEY ARE! You sound like a struggling mother who needs support. Obviously, you can’t turn to other mother’s on here to help. Stay strong and pray (if you’re the praying kind).

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She raised you, it’s not her job to babysit YOUR children! Especially if it’s unpaid! You should be grateful that she has watched them as Long as she has. My 2 children are 3 and 4 and neither my family nor my fiance’s family has watched our children but 1 or 2 time’s and we knew from the beginning that we couldn’t expect them too.

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Put in daycare or find a babysitter (no families) that’s available

Grandparents aren’t babysitters ! Sorry :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2:. Put them in daycare. Or ask the dad to help. You sound ungrateful for even saying that you want to move to just keep her away from your kids. Ouch. Using the kids as a punishment. " Help me or you’ll never see them again"… Wow.

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Or if u have a car do doordash I do that I have 5 kids I take them with Me no babysitter no baby daddy he banned them so I had to do what I had to do got a job where I can take my kid’s

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I can’t imagine what you’re going through, my parents help my partner and i in every way possible and are only too happy to watch my kids if I have to work so I can save the money from putting them in daycare and not having to stress if they are being treated right. I’m definitely blessed with the parents I have, they also do the same for my siblings and their kids.

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She obviously doesn’t want to watch the kids anymore and that’s okay. Look into low income daycare or reach out to the state for help…

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Can you get them into daycare?

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mom keeps flaking out on babysitting my kids: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

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Apparently she doesn’t want to babysit your children so find a plan B and plan C… maybe your children need more attention than what she wants to deal with… or is up to babysit them…
GL

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I never had anyone to take care of my 4 children I stayed home to raise them and my husband went to work not saying it was easy at times but I thank god I was there every minute. Grand parents aren’t free baby sitting, they have a right to enjoy their retirement and see grand children on special occasions. And if you decide to move away it will be you who suffers and the kids.

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Your mother raised her children. She is not obligated to raise yours.

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When I had my daughter, my mom told me she wasn’t going to babysit her except in an emergency. I respected that. She already raised her kid’s

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Don’t expect your mother to drop everything for you, there your children you look after them she’s got a life of her own now. Selfish.

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I help my son and his wife. Me and the other grandma switch days. But this is me! I feel you need to see what help is out there. Hire a teenager for the summer. I know daycare is scary but there are awesome people out there that love kids.

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Grandma and Grandpa’s roll is… Love your kids, be the fun person, spoil sometimes, keeping in mind you are the parent. Even giving you a break/ date day if they mind. It is not the responsibility to be daycare 24/7 unless they desire to do that for you. You can not get mad, they raised the kids they birth. Also, why punish G-parent’s for saying no, and you up and move away. Just because being daycare is out the question doesn’t mean they wouldn’t do other things with the kids. You move will make your travel to them or them to you longer. Don’t be mad that they are over with raising kids.

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Well I have always watched mine while parents work I don’t expect payment from them my kids are greatfull they treat me to things they understand if I have appointment and can’t on a certian day but the bonus is I have such a great relationship with all my grandkids and my kids just saying don’t ever leave your kids alone

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It is your responsibility to take care of your children you mother raised you and your siblings now it’s her turn for herself

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i have told my kids i will watch their kids if they have a dentist apt or go out to dinner. i will not watch them for when they work. I love them dearly but i cannot lift babies all day or have the patience to watch kids all day. i want my grand kids to say yay we are going to grannies house not have to deal with an old crotchity woman who is at the end of her rope. i think asking grand parents to give up their retirement to raise their kid’s kids is terrible.

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Depend on your family if they’re dependable! If not, you need to figure out something else! It’s your responsibility to take care of your 3 kids. Alot of woman manage. You can too.

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Day care is so expensive , and do you really know the character of the person who’s watching them ? I as a granma would feel better watching them than a stranger , but thats just me .

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Lord have mercy aren’t you folks being really mean. Heck I consider it an honor to watch my grandchildren that’s what family is do and the way this world is today you really don’t know who to trust and I would rather have them with me. Be safe than sorry. And the way she talked she was taking care of them beforehand so why did she stop. Can’t blame her for wondering what change. Feel really bad for her. And you don’t know what she’s going though maybe dads not in picture and it’s not us to judge

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I don’t know about yours but I know my mom can’t always handle my kids. I don’t expect her to be a babysitter if she offers then yes I take them over there. I know it’s summer and alot of teens are looking for jobs. I will say this if you have a person not a daycare watch your kids make sure they have references and cpr trained. I wouldn’t let just anyone watch my kids but that’s just me. I do think you need to find a reliable babysitter. I don’t know where you live but dhs if you qualify gives vouchers or they did.

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Your kids, your responsibility. Call around and see if there are camps available for the older ones for the summer. A lot offer financial assistance. Then do daycare for the little. Check out boys and girls club, ymca etc. Get in touch with your state and town welfare office to get resources for day cares, financial assistance, food etc. Are you on WIC for the baby? If there is a father, get child support for day care expenses. Get on the phone and computer and make calls asap

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I’m a grandmother helped raise 3 grandkids that where
4mths,1yr,and 3yrs
of age for 10yrs,(no mother in picture)
Till my son finished
College and got a good job.
It was tuff at times
but I would do it again
because where I come from family first. Times are tuff, we as family need to understand some times things don’t work out the way they plan them and they need a little understanding and help.
Everyones circumstances are different

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Doesn’t sound like the grandmother wants to be the permanent babysitter. It is not her responsibility, so find daycare & just take kids to grandma occasionally.

As a Mommom(grandma) I have watched my grands a lot. They stay with me some. I ALSO enjoy my time without children. I do not want to babysit all the time. I want to enjoy doing things I want to do. I do enjoy them and have them a lot but, There are many options for finding places to watch your kids. Please look and your family ties will be better.

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How selfish of you to keep the kids away because she doesn’t want you taking advantage of her day in and day out. Grow up and hire a babysitter.

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Watching grandchildren takes a lot of energy and you do not mention your mother’s age or health. It appears she is trying to tell you she no longer wants to babysit without saying it. I think you should make other arrangements or change hours so you won’t have to depend on her.

Should have stopped having kids if you can’t afford to put them in daycare. People should get priorities straight before having kids. It’s not the governments responsible to provide for you or your kids

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As a parent and grand parent which I love being l don’t think I it’s my responsibility to baby sit whenever needed I do it when it suits me after all I took the care of my kids for the first 18 years of their lives. They made the decision to have a family so its their responsibility

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My husband takes care of our grandkids. He is paid to do so. He’s been doing it for 6 years. Both he and the grandkids love it! It has worked out great for everyone. I guess it just depends on everyone’s situation. But it shouldn’t be an expectation.

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Our parents have had their time looking after children. They don’t owe us anything when it comes to ours. She shouldn’t be made to feel duty bound

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It’s not your moms responsibility to watch your kids. Maybe she feels taken advantage of? If you have kids you gotta pay for daycare…

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Knowing ur mom is not reliable, why didnt u find someone else? U had ample time to do so.

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They are your kids.
Not your mother’s brothers or sister.
You take care of your own kids

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Wow! Such selfish people! That us exactly what is wrong with our society. Family will not behave like family.
Listen Hon,
Your mother does not want to be a grandmother. She wants to be a single hot tootsie running with her boyfriend. Fine! Let her go! You and the father of your children are responsible for their care. If the father cannot provide physical care then he needs to pony up some cash. You need to find someone you can trust to come into your home to care for your kids. They need to be a certified, bonded Nanny. They must have a vehicle as they will need to drop the older two off and pick them up from their free “camps” they go. She will also be responsible for feeding all three kids dinner.
Good luck with that.

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You have a new Five month old. Question is why do you continue to have more children when you can’t support them?

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If you have any friends that you trust maybe they’ll know somebody to take care of your kids and see how much they will charge I can relate because I have trouble myself

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Can you not apply for state paid assistance for daycare?When I did home daycare that’s how I got paid for some of the kiddos I had,that could be an answer,I understand how you feel with your mom,when my kids were little my Mom never seemed to have time to do anything for mine,I was a SAHM,but there were times that were urgent that she couldn’t even come through for me then

How unfamily most of you are no wonder there are so many elderly in homes or who are alone there is no better person to care for there grandkids then a grandparent shameful that I see both mother and grandparents saying not my responsibility if more family helped each other think how much love you would show your grandchildren…Shameful

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I’m sorry to hear that your mother has no respect and does not give you advance notice. But now you know you can’t rely on her. You must either find daycare with someone else or quit work. I know that’s a tough decision but one you must make.

Children that age are a handful. Your Mama
raised her kids and you must take care of yours. I know it would cost a lot at daycare, but maybe there is an alternative. You don’t have much money and I am guessing your Mom doesn’t either. How about sitting down with her and asking if she would be willing to babysit if you paid her. It would be cheaper than daycare. On the other hand you haven’t mentioned the father. It is his responsibility to help with the kids, too. If you aren’t together it is time to go to Legal Aid and file for support to help out. Also I am sure you know about WIC and SNAP to help you with food. Do whatever is necessary to provide for your children. It is not your Mom’s responsibility. I am sure she will babysit occasionally but sit down and talk until you work it out. If that fails look for a friend or teenager old enough to babysit and pay her. They grow up fast! Make the best of making your children happy!

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Look for a good daycare i have 5 kids 3 of which are in day care i have school readiness and i pay 85 a week some daycares have cameras where u can watch whats going on. And whats up with the dad im guessing he is not in there life since u didnt mention him put his ass on child support cause by the looks of it your gonna be out of a job soon.See jobs for over nights do what u got to do.

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If your mom has things to do and doesn’t want to watch your kids use daycare. Not all parents want to watch grandkids. U had them be responsible and use daycare or babysitter. Not everyone else’s job to watch your kids. Comes with being a parent. And yes I worked two jobs to live and pay daycare for my child. So I been there.

Grandparents shouldn’t be expected to care for grandchildren paid or unpaid… now if you are paying grandma like you are a regular babysitter than yes it was wrong on her to just leaving you hanging since a paid sitter wouldnt do that… if you are paying her than that’s your bad and you need to be paying a sitter family or not…

While it would be nice of her to watch your kids, it is not her responsibility. Unfortunately, you are probably going to be forced to use day care.

Something no one has mentioned is that sometimes the kids are undisciplined brats. That can also make a difference.

I understand being upset if your mother agreed to keep the kids while you work and then backed out. However to just expect her to be the one to do it, is not right. Her children are grown so this is her time. I know daycare is expensive but it’s part of having a job and children. It’s a tough spot to be in.

I cannot imagine this! I would always drop what I was doing if my daughter called and needed me to come watch my grandsons. I have hurt because my other two grandsons live four hours away, and my time with them had been so limited. There’s nothing better after your own children, than having grandchildren. I live every one of them, and I will always cherish every minute I get with them. This grandma nerds to get her heart in the right place!

Those kids are yours time to get a day care to watch them. And honestly if my mom was acting that way I wouldn’t want her to watch them.

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I think every family is different. Some parents are happy to help their children with their grandkids, while others can’t or don’t want to. Sounds like in your situation, your mother is either dodging being upfront & honest about her desire to what your kids, or she simply isn’t able to. Either way, you’re at a point where she is deemed unreliable. If she’s promised to babysit and then flakes, I’d say being upset is warranted. If this is simply a case of expectation for your mom to be supportive & help you, because you need it, you need to change your expectations. You’re in an unfortunate situation, and you’re allowed to have feelings about, but the reality is that you’ve got to find another solution. Is there assistance in your area for childcare? You may need to look into all your resources. As far as this situation effecting the relationship you have with your mom and your kids, that’s a hard one. If she’s just being flakey then that’ll effect your relationship directly, of course. If you’re expecting too much from a person that isn’t available then your making it effect your relationship with her. I say do what you feel is best for family. I personally know what boundaries are in place by me or by my family, and respect them when it comes to my child. It’s our job as parents to figure out the hard parts.

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Sadly, you need to step up. These are your kids. She raised hers.

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Do you have friends or neighbors you could share babysitting with. I am sorry you are stuck. I know how hard it is when you work. I would ask around. Maybe a college kid is looking for work this summer. Call your high school or college and ask if they know
someone. Word of mouth is usually pretty successful. Good luck!
I would not ask your Mom anymore. She obviously has plans that are more important and her calling off at the last minute could cost you your job. If there a father? Hit him for day care money

Get the hint…grandma does not want to be the babysitter. Your responsibility to arrange reliable daycare.

There is help for parents that can’t afford daycare. And u shouldn’t be taking personal items to a daycare anyway. That eliminates things getting lost or stolen. You chose to have these kids your gonna have to find a way to care for them. I was alone with 3 kids and worked at McDonald’s way back when. I did it. It was hard but I did it. Then I moved up made more money and eventually found a new job that paid even more. All on my own with no help from family.

We are way past the time that family and co-family parenting are an important aspect of our society. Unfortunately, you are on your own. If I’m reading this correctly, grandma was helping before. She has a boyfriend now and guess what? You’re no longer her focus. Move, contact the state for help. Heck, research which state pays better benefits and stay home and raise your kids…

Get you a live in nanny who needs room and board. Msybe she xan work different hours than you do and both you can benefit.

Find a person who needs a home move them in to care for your kids and count rent as part of their pay

My Mom and grandma both used this method eith good results. Consult aChristin leader for hunting out the right person

Grandma has a life too and shouldn’t be expected to babysit all the time.

Where do you live? PM I could probably help you one day a week

Hire a babysitter and quit whining

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I’m so sorry but you had them not your mom. Quit blaming everything on the grandmother. Find different daycare and don’t have any more kids until you have a partner to help with them. It’s not the grandmother’s job to babysit for you. Grandparents are suppose to love and cherish their grandchildren not raise them.

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Better hire a babysitter.

Take the hint she obviously does not like sitting with y our kids

This is why I am a sahm

Not your mothers job to take care of your children. Thats your job…

My first thought is let their dad or sperm donor watch them. If he can’t or won’t then he needs to pay up for sitters/nanny. You chose to have kids so its up to you, not your family.

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You have 3 kids and a 5 month. Where is the father why cant he help. Get a neighbor kid to babysit

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She’s not responsible for you having children,you should of not had them if you have issues that would make it difficult to take care of them,your mother is not obligated to take care of your children even under the worst situations,but it’s nice to have help,you don’t give a family history between you and your parents,who knows how you have treated them,Love can be destroyed.

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I loved to take care of my granbabies until they are ready for school.

Where is the kids father. I don’t blame your mother, it is not her responsibility. I was stupid enough to raise three grandchildren, giving them everything, making sure they had a place, food to eat and clothes to wear. I worked over 22 years for them and they are ungrateful and worthless. You got them take care of the period.

Reading the comments here kind of blows me away. Children are our legacy and a GREAT childhood with LOVING FAMILY is what creates GREAT ADULTS. Children are a BLESSING, A GIFT. Not a burden :cry: I would LOVE to take care of all of my grandkids, as it is, I stay working as an independent contractor so I can be available to run up to their town 4 hrs away in the event of emergencies.
*I have always told my kids that I would gladly watch their children if they are working - not out partying though.
How anyone would prefer to trust a daycare or babysitter with their babies is beyond me.

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Since when did grandparents become automatic babysitters?

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Do you have any Head Start and Early Start programs in your area. Please check them out they are designed to help families in your situation God Bless and good luck

Perhaps you shouldn’t have so many kids if you have no one to keep them.
You should think about these things before getting pregnant.

Your parents are under no obligation to watch your kids.

Get a real babysitter.

Get a job working from home, solved

Its your responsibility you r the mother!

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I’m a Mom and a Grandmother and Great grandmother. I loved too take care of my kid’s and their children and their children’s children. God bless me with many. I’m retired and Love every minute I can take care of them day or night.

Find a new babysitter

Im sorry but you’re in the wrong. Those aren’t your moms children they’re yours. I would look into daycare or a nanny that comes to your home. Your mom did her role in raising her children she isn’t obligated to watch yours while you work.

As a grama that babysits her grandkids everyday, I just want to say grama gets tired. We dearly love those kids but don’t have the stamina to babysit all the time. I would like to be grama sometimes and not caregiver for adult kids that don’t appreciate it. Talk to your mom and ask her how she feels and make a plan that works for both of you.

Wow just wow… yes move away… take your children away from there grandparents that’s the best thing for them… you bloody ungrateful girl…
How about you straighten your life out, stop doing this to your children they deserve more than what your offering right now…
There are daycares all over the country find one and work within theses hours, then when your mum wants to spend time with her grandchildren let them, she is not at your bek n call she has her life she has to deal with. If it’s such a struggle get there father to help, there’s probably more than one of them. Step up be a mum and stop thinking everyone owes you something. If the fathers won’t help then Fūck him off, kids will do better with parents that step up. Get your life in order put your children’s welfare first, work around them or change jobs, bosses are understandable if you go talk to them instead of been a coward.
Your children your responsibility

Alot of these ladies on here are straight trash and have a garbage mentality. Can’t imagine why single moms have a hard time making it with the, “it’s not so and so’s job to raise your kids”, when all they are doing is babysitting and not actually raising your kids. Smh. I can’t even.

Get nanny cams that will link to your phone and try to find someone who can babysit your kids in your home. So you can keep an eye on them and still have a sitter. Let it be known upfront what you can afford to pay for all three and what the hours will be. There are alot of single moms that will be more than willing to help another single mom out and they could probably use the extra income. There are alot of college students who will watch them too, especially if they are going to school for early childhood education and development classes.
If you don’t want to go that route, Google the nearest and cheapest daycares and look at the reviews. Ask around your community and see which daycares they recommend. If they go to daycare your state should pay for some of those daycare costs so that will help out tremendously. Two of your three babies should be able to tell you if something happens to them at daycare, so I would give a new one a try and see how it goes.
Anxiety will always be there regardless of which way you decide to go. It’s normal to be anxious about new people watching your babies. Best of luck to you momma!!!

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Get a sitter and why aren’t the dads helping?

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Find someone else. Save yourself.
I know it’s scary and hard…but are they being treated good of she don’t even want them there??
Also…Im sure it’s the way it was worded but
Do NOT EVER leave your kids alone at those ages!!! NOT an option!

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Wow some shady comments here, I agree straight trash and garbage mentality of some of these women :woman_facepalming:t4:

Im sorry you’re going thru it I feel for u, u sound like a stressed mama just trying to go to work and make sure ur kids are taken care of. You should pay your mom for watching your kids if u don’t already, that way it’s a job and not so much a favor. Or get a nanny that can stay at your house to watch the kids and install camera, I hope everything works out good luck

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Kids can totally tell when they are wanted around. Find someone to love them or maybe even split the time with your mom. Clearly she’s not reliable right now.

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They are your kids your their mum not your mother where is dads parents to help

See if there is a Boys and Girls club yoir older ones can go to. Then put baby in daycare.

Sarah Diveley these comments though :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming: like damn she isn’t asking for someone to raise her kids just help baby sitting so she can work :woman_facepalming:

As a grandmother I can’t imagine this. I’d keep my grand babies every chance I got if I wasn’t working

I don’t think mam wants to look after them so she’s making excuses so I think u will have to find someone else.xx good luck.x

If you can make it without her watching them when you move away, you can make it without her now. Definitely an inconvenience and not fair , but she apparently doesn’t want to play the every day babysitting role

Make other arrangements for childcare. It was inexcusable for her to tell you 30 minutes before you had to go to work but really you had your children and they are your responsibility not your family’s.

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