My mom and I have raised my seven-year-old cousin since day 1. We have certain rules for him, such as not watching youtube or eating in his room. (he was watching girls twerk on youtube and throwing leftover food under his bed to rot) Yesterday, he broke both rules, which he hasn’t done in quite some time. I disciplined him, but my mother swept the rug from under my feet and bought him a movie. Calmly, I explained to her that she shouldn’t treat him when he misbehaved all day. She yelled at me and, in a petty way, said: “sorry you feel that way.” So my first question is: Am I wrong to be upset that she gave him a treat after being naughty all day? She said kids would do it again. Also, since he is 7, she thinks he doesn’t fully understand the rules. In my opinion, kids will do naughty things repetitively when they are not correctly disciplined, and he does understand the rules we have in place. My second question is: How can I discipline him when she constantly pulls the rug from under my feet? Last question: Since I was calm the first time I tried explaining how disrespected I felt, how else can I help her understand my point of view?
Grandma is gonna regret this as he will only get worse
Why is she changing the rules all of a sudden?? Fears him growing up and away from her???
Honestly take a step back. She doesn’t care if he follows the rules or not, so let her raise him.
Grandma has more say than you considering she is the grandparent not just an aunt🤷♀️ but grandparents will always do things like that. and yes, that’s my opinion. But you said he broke two rules and you disciplined him so why cant you move on? She bought a damn movie, not a toy, candy or something spectacular. He’s 7 years old, was disciplined for what he did so why should he be punished the entire day even after things were already done? If thats the most crazy thing you have to bitch about you got it easy
Sounds like your mom needs to be disciplined along with him!
sounds like she just wants to be a grandma–not the parent. Maybe you need to decide together that you are the “parent” and she is the grandma. Of course if you live in the same house that will be harder to do. You both deserve a lot of kudos for taking on the hard job of raising a child you were not required to–maybe you need a 3rd party/therapist to sit down with and discuss how best to raise him together if that is what you choose to do.
Maybe it’s not the rules she isn’t agreeing with as of late. Maybe it’s how your diciplining. Just a thought, sometimes people can be too much and it does more harm than good.
I could be wrong, just as u didnt actually state how you carried it out it’s a guess. 🤷
Communication is key with both your mother and the child. If people talked to each other rather than at each other the world would be a better place. Explain your feelings in a way they understand without being defensive or attacking. Hopefully u get sorted x
Who is his legal guardian
If it’s your mum then let her raise him
If it’s you put your foot down and tell her how it’s gonna be with him and the rules
Theres a lot missing here…and not enough information to give you good advice.
How old are you? Whose name is listed as legal guardian? Who chose the rules? What discipline techniques are you using?
Let her raise him how she wants and by the time he is 13 she will regret her decision making as far as he is concerned bc he will grow up to be a disrespectful out of control doesnt listen a-hole!! Just speaking the truth.
It is your house your rules
Take YouTube off the device and don’t let him take food in his room.
I’m a single mom with a 2 year old. I have gone through this with my mother as well. I straight up told her after she undermined me when I disciplined my son that I will not have her undermine me again. My kid my rules. I also reminded her of how she hated being told how to parent by her parents and in-laws. She hasn’t done it since. I rarely get confrontational with my mom so it really hit home that I was serious and it wasn’t up for discussion.
Sounds like you and your mom need to get on the same page because this is going to continue being an issue until you do. If you are his legal guardian, then maybe moving out so it’s just you and him. Then she can’t undermine you. If she’s the legal guardian, then there isn’t much you can do.
Depends how you disciplined him…
are you or your mum raising him if it’s your mum maybe she is feeling pretty much the same way as you are about your interfering in her rules and raising the child and 7-year-olds usually aren’t interested in girls or them twerking if so you need to step aside and follow her lead and enjoy the good fun stuff with him no pressure if you are raising him then mum needs to follow your lead
Were you frusterated or at your wits end? My mom did this once. My son didnt follow the rules so i grounded him but I was at my end. My mom took him for me to have a break. At first I told her no he was introuble and didnt deserve a treat. She said but you could use the break right now. Which was true I could. Maybe she was doing it for you not him? Talk to her about it more
first thank you for taking on him even though it wasnt the plan. blood is blood but it’s still it’s hard. secondly remember shes a grandma that’s what grandmas do spoil their grands. not knowing the full story she may also have some guilt for the child’s parents actions. my best suggestion is this set down rules with her and you. consequences and all. but sometimes she is going to slip and be grandma
Hes 7 hes still learning and needs guidance, patience and understanding not hard nosed unfeeling strict discipline. How old are you? Have you never done something you shouldnt have? Are you jealous that he got away with something hes not supposed to without getting punished? That is a normal sibling type reaction but he needs your love not your negativity. Think about how you maybe can help him to want to listen and follow the rules.
He is doing what most boys do. Pick your battles.
7 is old enough to understand rules but as he has showed you with his choice of videos to watch on the net he is not old enough to be online. I have a 3 year old grand daughter who can follow rules.
So frustrating. If you and her are going to parent together you have to get on the same page. I could never co-parent with my mom. My kids and I lived with her during a really hard 6 months and it was miserable. Pick your battles and try not to fight about the ways you disagree in front of the child.
Ugh, you are so right, Gramma is wrong, how you work this out, not sure…
If you don’t discipline him now and teach right from wrong then there is going to be problems all through life. Make sure you booth are on the same page.
she needs to understand, that there are rules in place, and she should not undermined you…he should not be rewarded for bad behavior
Sounds like you need a third party family therapist to get you on the same page, set some ground rules, and hold you both accountable. Maybe read parenting books together and discuss them afterwards, like your own little book club.
I would suggest if at all possible you and cousin move out of mom’s house & let her be a spoiling grandma, but I understand it may be a financial necessity to live under one roof, or there may be guardianship issues.
I found chore charts with gold stars & rewards worked well for my spirited kids.
Unfortunately, your mother has the power here. Just back away and don’t say a thing.
He needs to learn there are consequences for his misbehaving so you need to have a conversation and come to a common ground and decide to come to a decision on his behavior and What you want to do to Teach him right from Wrong or Maybe one of you should parent him alone
Your cousin not your child.