My mother constantly undermines my parenting

Does anyone else’s mother put down every parenting decision you make and then try to undermine you in front of your children? She makes me feel like such a bad mother. I’m doing my best, but it’s never enough for her.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother constantly undermines my parenting

Stop letting her your the parent she is the grandparent. She can abide by the rules or not be around. Simple

Tell your mother to learn some respect.

May not be the answer you’re looking for but I can almost PROMISE YOU it will never change. She will never see her undermining and guilt tripping as anything but love. She will never be the problem as she should, and instead make you the problem for not adhering to her standards and taking the guilt trips. She will always be right.

My mother does this. Still does. She’s called CPS for absolutely no good reason to try and have someone’s child taken, especially her grandsons.
The few times I’ve spoke up and said I have a problem with the things she says and the little stabs at how I parent, I quickly became the problem who was ruining her relationship with her grandson.
Refuses to respect boundaries as well.

If I were in your shoes, I’d make contact as brief and sparse as possible. If she can’t respect you as a parent and respect boundaries you’ll set, it will just cause more problems.

I regret ever letting my mother into my munchkins life. She guilted me and I caved…and I wish so badly every day I had held that boundary.


If she is doing it now it will get worse as your kids get older. Your mom may purposefully drive a wedge between you and your kids. Happened to me. Talk to her. Set boundaries. If she doesn’t follow them. Distance her.

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Just tell her to get the kids periodt

Yep. And then she left bruises on my step children and now we get to deal with cps bullshit because she decided to lose her shit on a 3 and a 4 year old and it’s ruined my relationship with my husband and it’s risking my 2 yr old and 2 month old daughters

Tell her she had her chance to be a parent, now it’s your turn. Tell her in no uncertain terms that if she continues to criticize and undermine your parental authority you will cut off contact until she can stop the behavior. Then do so. Stop contact for a month and tell everyone you can think of why you are doing so to pre-empt her badmouthing you to everyone.

Ask in a month if she is willing to apologize and cease telling you how to parent—your home, your rules. If so, invite her over on occasion, or better yet, someplace out. Once she goes back to her old ways, you get up and leave or show her the door.


Remind her that you had a good teacher . That this is your child and so your decision

I have been there myself as well with my own mother . If I was you darl i would definitely tell your mom that if she carries on interfering with the way you raise your children you will have no choice but to stop her from seeing her grandchildren as believe me if your mother is doing this now it will definitely get more than worse it would be that horrific situation where your mother will end up reporting you to the children services and by the time you know your mother would of made out that your the world worse mother and she will end up going to the court for Your CHILDREN AND NOT HER CHILDREN JUST LIKE MINE DID so stop your mother now way before she gets over herself just like mine did all because she known that her and my stepdad couldn’t have no children themselves they wanted mine to play that happy families with and I was the bad and the worse so called mother around in the world and believe me if that does happen and when you end up having grandchildren yourself there will be that your own children and there partners won’t allow you to be in there life’s only when they are only after something off you and then they will cut you out yet again as your children heads will also be messed up all because off your own mother as I believe that your is trying to undo her mistakes what she had possibly done to you/brother’s/sister’s and she’s trying to do that with your babies as really she shouldn’t she should do it with you and not your babies. If she did have a problem with you on what you are doing what she may think you are doing wrong she should at least wait until the children aren’t with you and then your mother should talk about it then with you otherwise your children will end up when they are older enough to understand what is going on around them more they will be ending up playing you and your mother off with with each other and your children will be undermining you both

Stop contact now, it only gets worse and when they hit their teens when the parent is the enemy, she will encourage going against your wishes and tear your relationship apart with your child. Trust me, it happens. Even when you cut contact with her, made sure your kids don’t have contact without your knowledge, cause she will weasel her way in and next thing you know, your kids don’t want to live you and wanna live with her. Boundaries only work if the people they are set for are willing to compromise, if she seems not likely to do this than save your mental health and that of your children and steer clear of your mother.


She’s not going to stop it. She’s going to keep it up. Your best bet is to stop going around her and tell her she’s not welcome at your house. She’s not doing your children any favors by not letting them feel secure and safe in your care. You do things your way. Kids don’t come with instruction books. It would be nice if our parents would be helpful instead of critical, but some are incapable of that. Some are narcissistic people who feel we will always be screwups and can never do anything right, including parent. So, you have to cut them off. They are toxic to your family. Maybe if you tell her that, she’ll try to stop. But if not, stop letting her around the kids.

Stop giving into her it’s none of her business how your bringing up YOUR children sounds like she is upset maybe she is feeling insecure because you are doing a good job, need to talk this out with her and your partner

Tell her since she can’t be respectful and wants to be toxic she’s done for. Don’t take the kids back around her. Let her miss out. She won’t change.

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It’s okay for her to have a contrary opinion. But she should not tell you infront of your children.


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You have to be the best for yourself.

Yes separate from her with your children remind her that you are now the mom and her role is grandmother and she needs to be respectful of that fact or you will be making some changes.

Is it enough for you and your children, then don’t mind her…

Make it clear to her that you want to raise them your way, she may not realise, if she continues then distance yourselves. But if she watches them a lot its only natural for her to set her own rules.

Yes just imagine living with her and her doing that it’s rough

My mom did this with my two daughters and even began bad mouthing them to everyone. I kept kicking her out of my life but my exs kept pushing to allow her in. As young adults they have nothing to do with my mom, but it could have been worse. My exs are just like my mom. One is worse. My second ex and I have a 7yr old son. I had to have police and courts step in to remove him. Once I did that, I permanently banned my mom from our life. Life has never been more peaceful. It has been about a year since we last saw her. Trust me, it won’t get better. Even if you try boundaries. Boundaries seemed to actually make things worse with her.

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this was my mother. i finally got sick and tired of her putting me down in front of my kids and overriding everything i said i wouldnt let them around her for a good year. my kids didn’t respect me because they knew grandmom would always side wit them. she finally realized she had to take a step back and allow me to parent my kids. she choose not to parent hers when we were younger and was making up for it wit mine.

I’m sure she is just still trying to be the mom, it’s not easy stepping out of that roll after doing it for so many years!! My mom wanted to be in control of how my kids were raised as well, I just had to remind her quite often that these are my kids, and I don’t raise them exactly how I was raised, the generation gap makes a big difference in how we discipline our children, and what is, or is not allowed! My mom would get upset sometimes when I would tell her that I’m okay with whatever they were doing, and sometimes she would say she wasn’t going to keep them anymore, and we might go a few days without talking to each other…but I would never keep my mom from her grands, because she worshiped me, and them, we just didn’t always see eye to eye on parenting!! I never said anything ugly to my mom, and she remained my best friend until she passed, but even best friends have disagreements! Good luck, this is just my story, I hope it helped!!

Make it stop or it will get worse.

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Nip it in the ass already even if that means she gets mad at you. She surely wouldn’t have liked someone doing that to her when she was raising you and you need to say so.

And dear, it may NEVER be enough for her, but, you are raising your children the best you can.Gma sounds like a piece of work and unless you out a stop to it, it is going to continue, Hey, you are a grown woman, you can with respect tell your mom to STOP IT. But I am getting the feeling there is more backstory to this than what is being said.

Yes she has and has improved on it since I confronted her about it. it is important for you to do what you think is best for your child. It is important for you to establish boundaries with your mother especially now that you are a parent. you need to have a private conversation with her and let her know that some things need to change and the most important thing is for her to not over rule you in front of the children*. Let her know her thoughts are valid and matter but do not over rule your ultimate decision. If she has concerns,opinions,comments she needs to be talking to you about it not in front of the children. The second most important thing is that if you say something she needs to help support what you are saying to your children as well! I love my mother to death, there’s all the love between us, the children will forever favor their grandparent because the grandparent does not actually parent; as a parent your are to provide your child w love and care but it’s okay if your NOT their best friend! Parents are the bad guys sometimes establishing “rules” to be healthy and well. Remind her how she was once a bad guy at times. Best of luck!!

Mine did with my 1st one so I stopped going around for abit. After a few disagreements things got better.

Yes just gotta put her in her place right in front of the children to show them and her who’s really in charge of the children. My mom is a great grandmother but she can be annoying and judgmental with my parenting lol I just tell her to mind her business she’s not her kid.

Sometimes my mother does. I know she thinks she means well. But honestly, I’m her mother and what I say goes. It’s not up for debate

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Put your foot down if she does it in front of kids say I am the mother so this is my decision thank you for your advise but I have final say. Kids need to know who is in charge. Raise them to respect both but too know you are the parent

My mother doesn’t because she raised me and knows I’m headstrong ESPECIALLY when it comes to my babies lol

Mother in law on the other hand :neutral_face: does it to her own kids and to me, and she started when she met my son at 2 years old
Now her son and I are having our own baby and we’ve already been talking about how we’re gonna have to set boundaries with her because she wants to basically be our babies mom :upside_down_face:

Nope, im only grandmother not the parents, but if i have my grandchildren out i dont tolerate bad behaviour, but being fair theyre all good when out.

My father undermines my decisions I make for my son, he has since the day I had him. When I came out of surgery from a c section, he told me it would be best if I gave up my son to my sister to raise, because there is no way I could be a good mom to him. But I am use to hearing things like that from him. He has never tells me I do good for him. It is always something negative he has to say to me. But what’s funny, he won’t say anything in front of my husband. Just me.

A hypercritical person is an insecure person seeking validation of their own choices via their imposition upon others

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Well put your foot down and establish some boundaries…