My mother has never liked my husband: What should I do?

My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years now, and we’ve gone through a lot just involving my mother. She hasn’t liked/respected him since day one but acts as she loves him; she’s constantly trying to come between us and ruin our marriage/family. I’ve cut her off a couple of times since we’ve been together because she’s extremely toxic, but then we found out we were expecting, and I didn’t want to be the kid that holds her first grandchild away from her. Ever since then, she thinks she’s entitled to being a grandmother and wants to be in our kid's life while trying to ruin our marriage. We’re at a loss. We’ve tried being civil and all of that, but it’s gotten to the point that she tells me things about my ex (even though we’ve told her multiple times we don’t want any connection to him or even hear about him), and she still goes out of her way to do it. She’s gotten so stuck up on that ex that she’s told people she wishes it would’ve worked out, even after three years of not seeing him. Part of us wants to just cut her off completely to resolve everything, but my little sister lives with her, so we would have to fight to be able to see her if we did cut her off. She’s very manipulative and sees good in everybody’s relationship but ours. We don’t know what to do at this point, but we’re tired of fighting with her constantly and being stressed and anxious all the time and just thinking about going over there makes it worse(we never know who will be there, and she has a past of inviting him over without our knowledge). He’s made multiple attempts to get back/be with me or talk to me since I’ve been with my husband and even made it a point to drive (45 minutes) to the city we live in and has been spotted driving around where we live even though we never told him our address. He’s in a relationship with a family and is still trying to be part of my life. Please give us some input on what to do or opinions; thank you.
31 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother has never liked my husband: What should I do?

Cut her out sadly. I did because of the same situation going on 3 years not talking to her and life is so much more peaceful… you have to do what’s best for yourself

3 Likes

Cut her out . Parents don’t belong meddling in your relationship or parenting. It’s YOUR relationship not hers.

4 Likes

Honestly to save ur marriage/family id cut her out completely yea it will hurt for awhile but she needs to understand she can’t be acting like a child

2 Likes

You already know what to do you just want confirmation so that you won’t feel like you’re doing the wrong thing.

2 Likes

It sounds like you need to cut her off completely. I understand “not wanting to hold her grandchild from her” but anyone who can’t respect you and her husband as both people and the child’s parents, don’t deserve a place in your or the child’s life.

1 Like

Sadly but I would cut all ties with her until she can accept that ur with ur husband and nothings gonna change. Idc if their family or not, if their toxic for my life then their out!!

2 Likes

Cut her out of yr life… save yr sanity

1 Like

I’ve felt with the same thing for 50 years. We moved 400 miles away.

1 Like

Tell her to stop or get her out of your lives.
One or the other

2 Likes

Talk to your sister let her know that you love her dearly but you have to say bye bye to momma and she will keep her from you but let her know your always there for her and only her .

4 Likes

It may sound selfish but do what is best for you and your family. It does hurt when you cut them out but life is peaceful and less stressful. You can’t deal with toxic people and be happy

3 Likes

Tell her if she brings the ex up again or in znyway attempt to mess in your marriage the you and your family will have to cut times with her. Tell her its not open for decussion.

3 Likes

It’s your relationship/marriage and not hers. If you’re happy and your husband treats you right then she should be happy for you and your little family. Sadly you may have to cut her off. Maybe you could warn her and tell her that if she does any of that one more time then you’re done.

Cut her off completely and hopefully if your sister will contact you when she’s able to. Don’t feel bad for keeping your child away from the toxicity. Tell her to leave you guys alone and if she doesn’t then look into other ways to protect your family from her

2 Likes

Look I only read the first few lines. It’s very simple. You don’t want her in your life? Then don’t.

2 Likes

When you get married you seperate from your parents. Your husband and children are your priorities. If your mom is toxic as she sounds you need to walk away and just pray for her. Toxic people can ruin your life, but you can say no.

2 Likes

set boundaries or cut ties. I’m sorry you are having these problems.

1 Like

You are emotional right now, for good reason. Don’t stress during pregnancy. Once the baby is here and you feel comfortable, set very clear boundaries. When she violates your boundaries, cut her off and let it go.

I know it’s pretty difficult right now, but if circumstances allow you could move to another state, which would effectively cut her out of your life for now. She is not respectful of your marriage and your child.

2 Likes

Cut her off, period, family or not.

4 Likes

Talk with your little sister and then cut the ties with mom. Maybe she will come around or she won’t. I know that NO ONE comes between me and my happiness and that happiness is my children and husband! I have no problem cutting people off, family or not 🤷

1 Like

Sounds like you have a toxic parent who really just needs to be cut out of your life.

If she is continuing to be toxic cut her out now seriously it’s the best thing for my family that I ever done

These are the rules for seeing us. In writing. When violated walk out. If after several times it’s not working then big decision time. As for ex. Do you have a reason for ppo

Lay it a out for her plain. If she continues bringing up the ex or trying to come between u and ur husband that u will leave and limit her time with ur child to ur home. And if she brings up the ex there she will be escorted to the door and follow through. This will continue until u lay down boundaries and enforce them. U have the right.

1 Like

You married your husband not your mother and unless he has disrespected her or done anything wrong your mother should be mature and respect him if not then stay away from her .

1 Like

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I am all about family first. But she did this to herself by not listening all the times you have tried to talk to her. I would definitely reach out to your little sister before you cut ties with your mom. Let your little sister know what is going on so she doesnt think she is the reason for you not being in her life. I might give mom one more chance to understand that you mean what you say she behaves and listens or its bye bye. But that’s up to you if you wanna give her one last try before cutting her out. Toxic is toxic and is never good.

It’s time to have a come to understanding or she is out totally.

1 Like

I saw the post a while back that said “dont let your family destroy your family” and this is a prime example! In no possible way am I gonna allow my mother or mother in law disrespectful my husband, myself or my marriage. She would have stayed cut off if it was me. Bc if she is that toxic with just the two of you. It’s only gonna be worse with your child. When your sister is hold enough, she can contact you. Otherwise momma would be cut 1000% off!

2 Likes

Both u and ur hubby go to her and clearly state u are happily married to each other and have zero intentions on changing that. Tell her if she persists on throwing ur ex down ur throat or in your life, you will cut off all conversations and in person visits period. Tell her u are an adult and are setting a boundary because u r tired of her thinking she has to live ur life for you! If she starts disagreeing, get up and tell her goodbye. Don’t look back. She will speak up with something and when she does, inform her u will be respected as the adult u are or she will not have contact with any of you anymore. Period. She will pout, she will bitch and she will grow up and except you are an adult. Stick to ur guns baby. You can do this. Good luck with ur future :heart::pray:

Move a little further away from her.

Tell your mom to get over it because you love him.

1 Like

Keep in touch with your sister online, by phone, going to her school/sporting events. Can she petition the court with y’all to have her live with you at 13 or 16? How soon until she’s 18? Cut off your mom. I’m sorry.

Toxic is toxic it sounds like she needs to be cut from your life

1 Like

I would just tell you mother once and for all of she can’t respect your marriage then she won’t be apart of your lives. If she doesn’t listen then cut her off and keep it that way.

3 Likes

Sounds familiar cut her off

Am sorry for this but i need to testify, All thanks to Dr ogbeta the spell caster for helping me get my ex back right now me and my ex are back again living happily married
#Dr ogbeta you are the best I have never met him but he is real and can be trusted and also he is the best spell caster click the link down👇below to see for yourself

2 Likes

You set your boundaries, tell them to her. You set the consequences for violating the boundaries, tell them to her. If she chooses to violate, she is making a conscious choice to accept the consequences. That’s not your fault. It’s your responsibility to follow through on the consequences.
You can chose if she earns back privileges and how. Acting childish creates a situation where you have to be the parent.

5 Likes

Few questions for you how old is your little sister is she mature enough to make some decisions if so ask her if she wants to hang out as for your mom cut her off I’ve had to cut off my fil because of his toxic behavior

Do you have children with ex??

Tell her the next time she makes the little smart comments about your ex that if he is so great maybe she should hook up with him and that you are perfectly happy where you at

That’s messed up… by the sounds of things if you keep your mum in your life she won’t stop and sounds really petty, you have every right to see your sister if she has a phone then you can contact her on your own your mum can’t stop you unless she is underage I see where your coming from. I would be cutting your mother off she will ruin your marriage and sounds like she won’t stop until she does, as for your mum talking to your ex and telling him where you live wtf how wrong tell your mum you aren’t going back with your ex and you are married so get over it… she isn’t entitled to seeing your son you are the parent and you get to decide when she gets to see your child

1 Like

Cutting her off may open her eyes that you won’t put up with her bs.

what a revolting situation to be in

You will have to cut her off… have a heart to heart with your sister and work out a relationship there. Your mother isn’t going to stop…she has proved that time and time again.

1 Like

Wow! For your sanity and your familys, cut her off. Maybe it will make her see how horrible she’s been acting…

Narcissistic. Beyond toxic.
You need to cut her out of the picture.

1 Like

The only thing that gives me pause about you cutting her off completely is your concern about your little sister. That’s a tough decision. I get it. But ultimately, you really have to do what is best for your nuclear family. Life is too short and too precious to be brought down by toxic people.

Best of luck to you and congratulations on the baby. x

3 Likes

I know you don’t want to be the kid who keeps her kids from her parents but that’s gonna have to change because this isn’t something you want your child growing up seeing. It’s up to us to make sure they have calm, drama free lives, even if it means cutting out a grandparent before they even have the chance to know the baby. If your mom can’t respect your marriage and continues to pull all the crap she has, then it’s time to be done with her before she ends up causing your marriage to end. If my mother did this, she’d be cut out immediately. I refuse to let anyone disrespect the man in my life, especially if he’s a good man.

3 Likes

It’s been my life experience that there is 2 sides to every story. How long where you with the ex? Children together? Does mom have a reason to not like your husband (abusive, neglectful,controlling,won’t work, etc.)? Is this a pattern for your mom, seems she gets along well with the ex? Hoping the problem is that you have a VERY crazy mother. Otherwise, I worry that you may be in a bad situation.
Prayers for you.

I’ve dealt with toxic parents as well (not my parents but in past relationships, ex’s parents) and I can tell you that it is NOT worth ruining your marriage or worth the damage it does to your or your husband’s mental health to keep her involved in your life just because she is your mother. Toxic is toxic. The only question you need to ask yourself is, if she is this toxic to you and your spouse, how toxic is she going to be around your child?! Is that something you would want your child having to grow up and deal with as well? For the health and happiness of yourself, your spouse, and the child you are expecting, you should cut out ANYONE toxic and you will be much happier.

You can always tell your mother exactly what will NOT be tolerated, let her know that now that your having her grandchild you do not want to cut her out completely BUT will do so if she cannot respect your husband and respect your boundaries. Give her one last straw and if she messes that up, then it is on her and NOT your fault at all. Then you have no reason to feel guilty about cutting ties with her.

Good luck, hun!!! Try to do what is best for your family, the family your building… that’s what is most important! :heart:

1 Like

Y’all are just going to have to cut her off it’s hard but I had to do it to my mom cuz of some drama and she always had something to say about my husband and I was pregnant as well I didn’t let her see my son until he was 6 months it took her awhile to treat me like an adult and respect my family but she should come to her senses hopefully I hope this helps but it’s what I had to do and it is hard but that was the only thing that worked putting my foot down

2 Likes

Her new family is her husband and her son, as much as she loves your mother, we must distance ourselves from the people who harm us, your daughter does not need a toxic grandmother around, having her parents together and happy makes her better, your sister Someday he will make his own family, you must set limits and if it is possible to go far away, love does not harm children any less, there are parents who do not love their children even if they try to make you believe otherwise, it is sad.

I’d hate to say it, but it seems like you do have to cut her out…

You have to cut your mom out. That’s it, end of.

:haircut_woman::haircut_woman::haircut_woman::haircut_woman::haircut_woman::haircut_woman::haircut_woman:

1 Like

I cut my mother in law because she was always trying to ruin our marriage.
She would tell him things about me that weren’t true, however, if I was alone with her, she would insult me.
I told my husband to talk to her but he didn’t want to stand up to her.
I than told him, she’s not allowed in my house if she continues to insult me and tries to destroy our marriage.
He still visited her but she never came back to our house again.
He never left me.
She was a envious woman who couldn’t see any couple happy because she was miserable in her marriage.

2 Likes

Similar situation. Mother has been cut out of our lives. She sees my first 2 kids from a previous relationship through my ex and tries to push boundries there. Its annoying, but atleast she isn’t involved directly in my life, especially while I’m pregnant with my 3rd. My husband’s and I’s relationship is so much better without her in it. Before he and I fought constantly because I allowed her to manipulate me and belittle our relationship.

Cut off means she’s dead. Unless she’s a zombie she should stay dead. And never think a hold will cause someone to be on their best behavior when they’ve shown you they’re shitty and disrespectful!

She’s going to keep ruining ur relationship until she succeeded and then she won’t change
Cut ties and I’m sorry but u will have to deal with not being involved in your younger sister life right now maybe when she’s an adult you both can have a relationship.
Been there! You need to cut ties

1 Like

Tell her to back off or there will be little of a relationship. And don’t back off to your threat. Plain and simple. Your main interest is your family you’ve made for yourself.

1 Like

What should you do LMAO abit late now to be asking that question :thinking: :joy::rofl:

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother has never liked my husband: What should I do?

This couple needs to realize they hold the power in this relationship. If mom doesn’t treat son in law with respect, mom doesn’t see her grandchild.

6 Likes

This is what we did. Stay strong decide what you want and stick to it. My husband and I went through this with his family it was absolutely awful, but if you stick together it will be good for you and your husband and baby, thats what’s important plain and simple. But there will be a lot of pain but not between you and your husband. Your sister will get old enough to make her own decisions. We did it and it worked married 35yrs. still me and hubby :heart: been screwed over by many but never by each other and thats everything. Good luck :heartpulse::slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like

Stand up for your husband, your mom has no business in the marriage. I can understand if you’re being abused or cheating going on that she wants to protect you. But no it’s your marriage

1 Like

This is simple, she respects your boundaries/rules or she goes. Bc don’t think she won’t pit your child against your husband.

3 Likes

Stop giving her any attention. She probably thrives off hurting you guys and getting a reaction. Until you see changed behavior, no attention.

6 Likes

If she cannot respect your boundaries now, she certainly won’t with your baby either, in fact… Expect her to double down.
You cannot help that a family member is toxic, but you can help being an audience to it.

1 Like

Stop speaking, getting together with your mother. She’ll never change. It’s the only way that you will save your marriage.

5 Likes

Read a book called, “Boundaries.” Grandma can meet the baby at a restaurant once a week or month. You can’t have a regular relationship with someone who doesn’t respect your husband.

2 Likes

Boundaries! Be very clear with your mother about consequences of her unwanted behaviors. Either she respects your marriage or she can refrain from coming around. As far as the ex: be very clear with him that nothing will EVER happen, ever! How completely disrespectful to you, your husband, and your marriage. If nothing changes after you’ve laid down the rules, cut them out of your life. It’s difficult, but healthy for both of you.

1 Like

First off she needs to stop bringing up the ex .she needs to be respectful yall are together.

1 Like

Everyone seems to ignore that"my little sister still lives with her" statement. There is no mention of your having a talk with her, try to find out why she feels that way. Does she feel he’s not good enough?I wouldn’t withhold the child but perhaps tell her point blank of you start disrespecting us we are leaving, no question, no explanation just getting up and leaving. Do this repeatedly until she knows you mean business and that her behavior is unacceptable. As a grandmother I would be devastated not to see my Grands. Now if her feelings for your husband flow over to the child by all means stay away. Good Luck.

3 Likes

Space is a good thing…and distance is another good one…I don’t understand the why of it all…why doesn’t she like your husband? You could move away if possible or remove yourself from her grasp on you by distancing yourself emotionally from her…

Tell her she has a choice…she can behave or you will cut her out. Then do it. Change phone # if you have too. Mommas like her will not change unless you take a stand. Trust me…after not being able to see or talk to you or new baby she will change. You dont want your baby growing up with all that drama. Also…your ex is acting like a stalker…you need to call police. Once they realize you are serious hopefully he will stop!

1 Like

Best thing I’ve ever done for my mental health, my daughter andy family was to completely walk away from my mother. We moved like 1200 miles away and have no communication.

I wouldn’t sugar coat it tell her either respect the man I married or get out of our lifes and your soon to be grandchild

3 Likes

You need set boundaries with her. She obviously has no respect for you, your family. You said it yourself, she is toxic and manipulative. This is not healthy for your marriage or your child. If she can’t respect your boundaries and act like an adult to you and your husband then take a break from her. You are the mother now, you are the wife. Do what is right for the family you created.

3 Likes

Have you ever sat down with her and asked her why she dont like him and what are reasoning is

Also i would makw it clear your maybe and having a baby and want nothing to do with your ex

Toxic people are no way to live.only positive people

Best thing I ever did is remove toxic family from my life. Life is short, no time for drama!

4 Likes

If she can’t respect your family enough to stop her bs then she doesn’t deserve to be around your family or be a grandmother. Tell her you can and will stop all contact with her if she doesn’t straighten up and if she doesn’t, do it. Stop letting her get away with her crap and suffer the consequences or put up with her being the way she is, really the only two options, I would go with the first. She’s not entitled to be in your child’s life if she can’t respect it’s parents, both of them

Let your mother go you have your own family you owe her nothing, & I wouldn’t want my child to see any of this. Your a grown woman with your own family the small children learn from you ,what are you teaching by letting them see the disrespectful way you & he are being treated oh no momma needs to go.

1 Like

snip snip snipity snip​:hocho::scissors:

Cut off all contact with her get restraining order against ex & no she doesn’t have right to grandchild it’s a privilege & she definitely hasn’t earned it that child is yours & your husband’s if you 2 feel she shouldn’t be around child she shouldn’t be & I sure as hell wouldn’t let her around a child

You have to cut her off!