My mother in law is coming between my relationship: Advice?

I’m seeing this as a problem with him not your MIL. He is the one telling her everything and I’m sure he’s just telling her his side of things. Yes she should butt out but it’s easier said than done when your child makes things seem a certain way. I’d talk to him. :woman_shrugging:


I mean if it were me I’d suggest couples counseling. Maybe even bring her into a session. Or ask her for coffee and have a talk with her and him together but I think counseling would help personally. Explain to them both that you feel attacked and you don’t want that. You want all of them to have a good relationship. Tell them what you want and ask what they want. Tell mother in law that you want a good relationship with her.


Hes a “Mama’s” boy, plain and simple. The way I see it, you have 2 choices…(l) dump him and his mother, move out of state, see an attorney and start receiving child support and limited visitation and get on with your life. It will be hard, but, in the long run better for you and your kids. His mother’s toxic behavior will not end with her son, soon she will be poisoning your children with it, or, (2) since you have put up with this for however long, shut up and just deal. He is never going to change and neither is she, so just accept it.


Sounds like that Show Mommas Boy. He needs to cut the cord and strengthen your marriage by not discussing it with his mother. In her eyes you guys should look picture perfect and if he needs to talk to someone I suggest a therapist.

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He is the issue here. He needs to grow up and not run to his mother about everything. They need better boundaries!


I wouldn’t be with a man who was a mama’s boy, and let her treat me this way , they both show you no respect . I would be be saying choose me or your mama . I don’t play no games .

Ready or not, baby is coming. You have to set your boundaries now, before you end up like me, 20 years in and full of resentment. See a counselor soon, and with help explain to him that it should always be you and him and never him and his mom against you. Big hugs.


U need to tell him to stop telling his mother your relationship problems & talk to u or ho be his mothers spouse…that’s utter nonsense bs

If you can all afford it, see a couples therapist. He needs a professional outside voice to tell him if what he’s doing is right or wrong.


So are you married? You said MIL, but said you been going together a few years. Never to to force somebody to choose family over you.

Go see a good counselor, both of you!

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The issues were there before you got pregnant
How would he feel if you were telling your business to your family
I understand venting but marriage business stays in the relationship no one else bcuz he changing the environment his family is in

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You have every right to feel this way but the blame really should go to your partner 🤦 he really needs to take a seat and really think about you going and speaking to your mum or dad about him and how they would be. She’s protecting her adult child so l can see where she’s coming from but he’s obviously liking that victim attention from her. If he has an issue he needs to speak to you about it, geezez of course the sun shines out his ass because it’s a biased opinion from his mum. But when she speaks of you like that she is putting herself in a position to where it stands now that you don’t want her around and l don’t blame you ,you don’t need that negativity around you and in reality your mental health is paramount especially being a mum and pregnant .


His mom can only go off what HE tells her. So if you’re this horrible person, she’s getting that from him.


First, your feelings are always valid even if they are enhanced due to hormones. Second, I’d be very honest with your partner and suggest counseling. Remember that you’re able to set boundaries and that a persons reaction to your feelings/boundaries isn’t your responsibility. Take care of yourself! You have babies that need you. :heart:

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No your mil is the problem. Her baby never grew up

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How about you go tell her your problems before he does so she can hear both sides ask her to help with kids see how she likes doing things her son isn’t doing to help you&kids


Tell him you would never make him choose. But you will choose. Also tell him fine go f*** your mama too and not me anymore since you wanna keep sucking on her titty. I’m mean. If this offends anyone just take it down.


Married or not you and the kids come first! Mamma just wants him to feel good and not her and make him run to her all the time! He needs to grow up and grow a pair!

I would make it a boundary that I will not discuss my relationship with her. He can tell her whatever he wants but the moment she brings it to me that’s where I would stop her. The same with him. I would tell him that I don’t want to hear a word about what his mother is thinking about me.

Parallel relationships are valid and sometimes necessary for peace.

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Valid to the point that if i were in your shoes id leave💁 id get petty tell them both off and let them have eachother

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It dounds like you have taught him to treat you this way. Tell him you want to encourage his relationship with his mother and also strengthen your relationship. Explain exactly what your expectations in your relationship are and let him know you will no longer tolerate the disrespect shown to you by his mother.

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This is HARD to write, but hopefully it can help: My husband and I have been married for 2yrs, but together for nearly 12yrs. We are a blended family; 2 children together, 5 children in the house most of our relationship. When I moved in with him, my mom moved 3 states away to be closer to her sisters. His family lives less than a mile away. I never set boundaries, as I thought we wouldn’t need them. We went to their house EVERYDAY. My mom was very loving, tough, but always encouraged me, my entire life. His mom was his greatest love and he would do anything to make her happy, but she also knew this. Which was the source of much manipulation and poor decision-making. Now, a major life changing event or two (that cost my husband hugely), my husband has barely spoken or seen his mother in almost 2 years. This is a true tragedy because, he lost ALL contact with the people he loved most for almost a year, before anyone would even talk to him again. It all could’ve been prevented with solid/openly spoken about boundaries. That way NOBODY could manipulate our family, And always make sure there is a witness when explaining boundaries to whomever, that way things can’t be twisted later. Just another hard learned life lesson. Protect yourself AND your family…even if it all seems silly and mostly harmless now, it might be extremely harmful later…and little things can pile up and lead into larger things.

I been there and I left with 2 kids but you need to think about yourself and the kids first

It is NOT ok to put his needs ahead of his children! What is she thinking! I mean, if you need a day for ur own mental health that’s one thing but your needs ahead of the kids??? I dont like her lol

One thing that got me through 53 years of marriage was to continuously bless my aggravation. Bless him, bless his mom. If they are to stay in your life He will change them. You don’t have to stress about it, let God do it for you. Even if you have to grit your teeth to say it, do it. If you’re not comfortable saying it out load, just think it. You’ll be surprised how well it works. My daughter does this and several of my friends also and they have reported remarkable instances of this working!


I wish I had good advice. I don’t want to encourage you to disown anyone or put yourself in a relationship that hurts you. We are all strangers to you and while there will be comforting words, there will be advice to leave him too. You and you alone should make that decision. Yes, hormones are off right now but you are still entitled to your feelings as opinion. Some men really do put their Moms before anyone, even their kids. Look into your heart and find a solution - whatever it may be. Prayers for you sweetie. I have been in your shoes (pregnant and not happy with the Father) and it wasn’t easy.


Your feelings are valid! That behavior is narcissistic all around. I hope you have family you can turn to… Because something does not feel right. You are enduring mental abuse during this and that is so not ok. Even your feelings can affect the baby. He should be doing everything to make you happy and calm! I’m so sorry


Your partner is the problem not his mom… she is just doing what moms do. He should be mature enough to talk to you about y’all’s problems, but now that he has brought her into it and allowed her to bad mouth you the situation is out of control. It seems like it’s them against you. I think a good Therapist for yourself will be very helpful…


Yep this is just one TINY reason why I kicked my first husband to the curb. The other reasons go downhill from here. This is not going to get any better and your feelings are justified. I am so sorry you are going thru this with two adult children.

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I believe in hope. And relationships take work.

I believe in God and families.

But I also believe that no one will have your best interest at heart besides yourself, and ironically maybe your mom.

I believe in setting boundaries, and when needed a commitment to therapy can help.

I believe you can get through this through compromise, God, and knowing your own worth.

These are goals I aim for

Best wishes, there’s no easy answer

A man is supposed to leave his parents and cling to his wife. What he has done to your relationship has been very wrong. Show him the Bible.

Don’t think of it as setting an ultimatum, think of it as setting your boundaries. You have the right to set boundaries for yourself and your children, how he responds is not your fault nor responsibility. It will tell you a lot about his character. You can say that you will not be around his mother for your mental health, you will not let your kids be around her for their mental health (because that is a bad influence on them). You can say you won’t be in a relationship with someone who brings someone else into the middle of the relationship ie: that you expect to be the first person to hear about problems in your relationship or any issue that effects you and your kids in any way, you won’t tolerate her contacting you about things regarding your relationship, that you have the right to say there are things that he CAN’T talk to her about because that’s your business too. You have the right to say that you won’t be with someone who won’t put the needs of your kids first. Would you start a relationship with someone new like that now, knowing what you know and with who you are now? Just because you’re in it doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to reevaluate it at any time. How he responds to that is his choice, and it will tell you who he is and his priorities. From there, depending on his answers, you have to decide whether you can be in a relationship with that and whether you truly want that to be parenting your children and setting the example they’ll see for years to come. It is YOU and him this relationship, not you him and his mother; and all of your wants and concerns are fair in my eyes.


I’d tell her to mind her own biz that you and your husband will talk things out

She is enabling her son!although, you are wasting energy trying to change him or her or their behavior!!! Accept them the way they are or move on, sorry but the only person you are capable of controlling is yourself, and he does have one thing right SHE is and will always be his mother , whether or not her behaviors are right or wrong ! I wish you luck!


I know you can’t reveal your identity since anonymous. Please ask yourself these questions.

  • since how long have u feeling this?
    -since how long have u been ignoring this?
  • Do u feel he has his own brain to take decisions for himself? It can be regarding anything.
  • Do he wants to grow in life (With u)?
  • Do you have a say in this relationship? Or you feel like an outsider between them both?

Answer yourself. You are with a child again. You have a whole life in front of you. No matter how week u feel at this point but believe me u are not week u just need mental strength for your sake and for your kids sake. He is a very good son but he isn’t a good husband. Everyone is not good in every relationship. He don’t know how to handle his feelings. How will he handle a family. You are the nurturer, root of this family. If the root is not happy plant is going to fall. U and ur kids. Take care and remember ur current situation is not ur final situation. It will change and u are the one who will do it. Pm me if u like. :two_hearts:

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My advice… As soon as you able, get a good job and start planning for the future. With or without him!


Almost married a “momma’s boy” only had one child needless to say nothing will change. You seen this before I would haveft long ago after first one. For your own sanity and respect give him choice six months your first and kids and limited visits or yes my friend your be put on top shelf like so many others who have a momma’s boy. I’m better off and happier. Good luck

You are or should be his first priority. Mom did her job. She needs to step back and enjoy the grandkids. My MIL helped destroy my marriage in much the same way. Have a serious talk with hubby and let him know how you feel.

Hormones can definitely amplify your reaction but I don’t think it’s all hormones. Look up the Gottman Institute soft start up to arguments. It really helps open a line of communication without alienating your partner. When emotions are running extremely hot and you pick at it then it’s a really unproductive event.

I would sit down and write out how you feel. Preface by saying you still want MIL in your life and the children’s lives. But that the boundaries feel inappropriate. You feel like you’re being bad mouthed to his mother and then she calls and criticizes you. It doesn’t make you feel secure in your relationship. Notice the “I statements”. “I feel” as opposed to accusatory “You’re doing this”, “you’re doing that”. It gets the point across that his actions aren’t ok but without getting his back up so he is more receptive.

That being said I’m going to say something really unpopular. Are you dedicating 100% of your efforts all day everyday to the kids with nothing left for your hubbs? Even little things “Hey I’m planning dinner for groceries next week. Is there anything in particular you want for dinner?” is fairly easy. Or “I’m going to the store is there anything you want?” Or just randomly picking something up. Things you’re already doing anyway where you can include him.

I do have to say that if you are experiencing mental health issues, seek professional help before making a major life decision. Your feelings are incredibly valid but may be amplified by hormones and her health.

Partner should be exactly that- partners. Good communication is a priority in any relationship and when one person goes outside the relationship with problems there is a huge problem. There is usually co-dependancy issues when alcoholism is involved so mom more than likely thinks there is nothing wrong with her son and son can get away with everything. Please get some counseling at least for yourself. If you haven’t been to Al-Anon, consider attending. There are online groups.

Sounds to me like you want all the benefits of being his wife but not the responsibility of being a wife, I don’t understand people now a days. Sad


Are doing any of the things he’s complaining about? Do you have ur own friends that know the situation to speak to?

I’d like to hear his side of the story
There’s your side, his side, and somewhere in the middle sits the truth

She sounds toxic! I wouldn’t want anything to do with her and the fact she makes him think it’s ok that he puts himself before the kids (and you) is bull! He needs to realize you and the kids are his family now! Yes his mom will always be his family but y’all should be his priority


You sound like me almost 35 years ago dear God I did not think their could be another monster in law

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Problem not your mother in law, its your husband

Omg this was my first marriage… your feelings are VALID! I know you love your husband but please run! This is only going to get worse!


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law is coming between my relationship: Advice?

It never gets any better….

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Tell him it’s unhealthy and inappropriate to not have any boundaries with his mom, that he needs to step up and start living his own life instead of being too scared to make simple ass decisions and crying to his mom to make the decisions for him. He’s basically letting his mom live his life for him and he needs to grow up. I’d honestly prepare to get out that relationship because narcissistic people like that do not change. He’s far too socially crippled to be without his mom at this point in life and she will never change either. Cut your losses and get out while you can.

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Mom is too involved. She’s inserting herself when she should be backing out. I broke up w/boyfriend for this reason, his mom calling 4x a day for updates on what we did for lunch. Really? :roll_eyes: Drove me bananas. That was 15 min we could have spent doing something together, but instead, he was more excited to tell her all about our day. A 55 yr old man w/mommy issues… I just cant…

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Oh boy… so I agree a Mommas boy to that level will never change. She raised him to run to her and didn’t raise him to be his own man… im Sorry, I even have a son, I want him to come to me for anything…but when it comes to being grown and married, he should be going to his spouse. Now to seek advice from her is one thing… but for her to continually bad mouth you is 100% bullshit. To speak badly of one’s wife, her grandchildren mother… plus don’t even get me started on the fact that your husband isn’t even defending you!!! So while yes you can go to her and tell her to say out of your relationship which will only cause more drama or you go to him and tell him he has to stop running to her and allowing her to speak badly about you. But you have to be prepared when you make your decision as to what comes next…Im pretty certain he isn’t going to stop. So you need to choose to accept it, or go separate ways. Good luck.


It sounds like you need to have a conversation with him about how involved his mother is. He needs to understand that he can’t run to her for every problem the two of you have and that this is causing issues for the two of you. Give him a choice- his mom or you and the kids.

These situations as I have become familiar with as of late are so friggen frustrating. The way I see it, he is your life partner and vice versa. You chose each other. His mother does not need to “parent” him anymore. He needs to think for himself and respect you and your feelings in your guys relationship. His mom of course will be in his life it’s his mother. With that said, you guys have a life together that does not have to involve her in every aspect. And he needs to stop using his relationship with his mother to discredit your feelings. It’s unfair that she judges you off the hard times you and your partner have together. These is always two sides to feelings and she is being unkind and controlling in my opinion. He needs to get involved with your relationship without his mother on his back. I think you have valid feelings. Pregnant or not your feelings are real.

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Your problem isn’t with MIL but with your husband. If he isn’t willing to understand that you feel he is putting his mom before you and that hurtful then time to go. Also sounds like mom is an enabler. Trauma bonding and co-dependency will all be issues.


You don’t have a MIL problem, you have a man-baby for a partner problem. There is no fixing that, unless he wants to fix it…Good luck.


You need to ask yourself if you will be ok if your children continue this cycle when they are older? You need to decide. If your partner does not see an issue after you have said how you feel. You need to leave. And if you choose to stay, you will be partially responsible for your children to continue the cycle
You are setting them up for failure as well.
Now if he is willing to work with you then you have a chance
You cannot make someone change they have to want to change

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I had to tell my husband that we both need to take a step back from his mother and not interject her into our lives anymore then necessary. We’ve been dealing with her being super involved since we got pregnant in 2018. She knew our relationship issues, financial issues and just everything it seemed like .

Once I voiced how i felt about things he had more of an idea on how it was affecting not only me but him and the baby as well. After we quit telling her things it’s actually gone really well .

But recently she needed help with her remodeling company since my BIL had surgery on his shoulder and so my husband said he’d come work and help them out . Well now that she knows what he makes a week she’s jumping back down our throats on what we spend our own money on .

Long story short hun , y’all need space from his mother or shes just going to continue to suffocate you guys .

I understand he’s a mommas boy (my husband was too) but boundaries need to be set in place


A mama’s boy will never change. You are wasting time and energy trying to change someone into something you want and he will not change. His mom will always be first. Think if you can deal with that for life.

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Tread lightly. But, that being said, impose…or negotiate limits. Insist.on some limits. Explain how his going to her has destroyed any relationship w her you might have had. That’s his fault.

Good luck

I am so sorry ur having a hard time. I really am. Now for some truths! I too am VERY close to my son(s). So I feel her and him. She has been his A#1 problem solver, sounding board, teacher and FAN all his life long before u came along. That’s a bond u CANT break. I’m sure that isn’t ur intention anyway. U said partner. R u not married? (Also a bond u CANT break if it done right however a girlfriend? u betcha!!) I know I know it’s a piece of paper. Well that piece of paper seals commitment, reminds us of responsibility, and binds us in a way God Himself validated!! Even commanded. There’s a reason for that. U r experiencing it now. To withhold from the marriage bond, you leave a gap for leaving and allowing to leave no questions asked. U have 3 kids for heavens sake! Take the plunge and stick it out for better or worse!! Show ur kids how it’s done. So now that’s been said, IF she is being disrespectful of you to him, it’s HIS place to defend you and gently remind his mom that he’s man enough to handle his home life. My concern is ur kiddos. They watch and listen. Grow up people!! Act like adults. Yes ur feelings are valid! U three need to sit down and talk openly, candidly and politely maybe even with a mediator. And if u have no relationship with Jesus, that should be the first “fix”. U would be so surprised at the difference it makes. And I am NOT sorry for the long verbal vomit!! Lol. Love to you. Praying for you

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I also went through this with my rd. Way too close to his parents… Unfortunately I did not see what it was until way too late. At least your identifying it now. God Bless.

You’re pregnant and have a lot of different emotions going on and emphasized because of that. Don’t make any decisions now. I would have a conversation with his mother about this. I wouldn’t necessarily get angry with him going to his mother, they have a close relationship and that is wonderful. Where the problem comes in is that she inserts herself in those problems. He can vent to her as long she understands there are two sides to a story and she needs to remain out of it. I have a great relationship with my mother in law, we both respect each other and the “roles” we play in my husbands life. I would try to build that relationship with her if possible. I too have a son, while he is my little man and it stings to think one day I won’t be his #1 anymore, I’m ok with it. The reality is, I’m not going to be around forever in his life and I want him to build a strong relationship with his partner, that alone will allow me to go in peace knowing he is going to be ok after my time comes. Grieve me, yes, but don’t let his world fall apart because I’m not in it anymore. Maybe try to emphasize what you’re trying to build with her son, etc. Not in the exact words i said because I’m sure she will think you’re planning her demise lol but something along those lines of let us build this.

You need to tell your MIL to BUTT OUT, and remind your husband YOUR his wife, not HIS mother. Put your foot down, hard. Good luck. Yes, mouths will drop but your own happiness is also important. Also, try to get some self-care happening, even if it’s just a 15 minute walk alone or read a book after the kids go to bed. You’re worth it!

It sounds more like your husband is coming between your relationship. You’re supposed to be partners and communicate with each other.

The second you mentioned alcoholism, I knew what you’re dealing with. His mother is an enabler, too involved, needs to stop the whole, me & my son vs you nonsense.
He needs to get a close friend he can go to for these conversations & needs to remind his mom what the boundaries are & needs to be humbled with what her role is. He needs to be the one to set said boundaries. If he’s uncomfortable doing that, nothing will change & you should consider leaving.

He WILL have a victim mentality & will blame you… she might, too. But boundaries need to be respected. If he won’t see it from your perspective, his mind is already made up, you need to give him an ultimatum. This is YOUR family… not hers… she had her time & he shouldn’t let his mommy issues have an impact on his kids, wife & family.

Sometimes people make others out to be the bad person because it’s easier than saying sorry or taking accountability. But what kind of man lets his mother run her mouth about his partner like that?? Man up, I say!

Been there, done that, my friend. Some mothers are insane with their boys even into adulthood, then they wonder why life is what it is​:upside_down_face: I wish you luck! :heart:

Sounds like my SO. I literally had to cut his mother off. He does go see her and keep in touch. I have her blocked from all around. She is extremely toxic and wants to butt into my life. My own parents don’t. He allows her to but she should with him not me. I have been so at peace since. He sees her and talks to her when I am not around. Don’t get me wrong, I do encourage him to dedicate a day only to her. I just don’t want to be part of it. I just want us to have peace in our relationship. I know it’s sad, we do go out with my side of the family but we are not toxic like she is. My father doesn’t get in our lives. If my mother were alive, she wouldn’t either. This lady doesn’t have a life but it doesn’t mean she has to live mine.

The problem isn’t his mom it’s him. He needs to remember that he’s married to you not his mom. Go to couples counseling if you can. But honestly if he doesn’t see anything wrong with this it’ll continue. I hate to say it but you may have to make a boundary and if he can’t follow it I’d separate for a bit. Your kids come first and if he thinks he comes first he’s not fit to be a Dad.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law is coming between my relationship: Advice?

Too and you can’t move away.

You should always come before his momma. He needs to cut that umbilical cord… YOU should be his best friend now not his mother.


It’s wayyyh past time to cut them apron strings girl. I was married to a man (I use that term lightly) like this with a mother (monster) like this as well. I tried hard and even made close friends with her I thought, so that there wouldn’t be so much distance between us, it was a mistake, she was faking the whole time and dogging me behind me back and also, I do not have to beg someone to pick me, choose me or want me first. You want your momma so much, you can have her all the time 24/7, always glued to you like a helicopter parent of a 5 year old!!! Omg that was the most miserable I have ever been and have never looked back. We Divorced after a few years of marriage and it was the best decision I ever made at the time! He’s married to someone else now and she has the same name As her so I’m sure that’s no coincidence lol I understand though when there are kids involved it’s much more difficult. I’m sorry momma

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Go numb. Take your vitamins. Be Happy.:wink: Love your children. SAVE your money And tell no one. Tell your mother in law to release the nipple and live her own life.


From personal experience this never ends well and it becomes the biggest wedge in a relationship. It didn’t work out for me being with a mamas boy. The constant drama and undermining me just took a huge toll and eventually we parted ways. If you can’t get this under control now than you may want to reevaluate your relationship!

Tell her to stay out of it, tell him to stop going to her about any problems y’all have and it doesn’t stop and change then the relationship will be over. I wouldn’t be putting up with that crap and neither should you.

You both need counseling. The fact he’s a recovering addict speaks volumes of the problems it’s clearly created… sounds like he plays victim to justify his behaviour. And his mommy enables it. Without counselling, your relationship will fail.

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Are you sure you want to stay in this relationship??? If he is too much of a coward to stand up to his mom, he isn’t a man. Let him go - file for a divorce, custody of children AND child support - -

Run from that mommas boy, far and fast

:heart: you’re feelings are always valid :heart:

Oh yes I’ve been through this situation and in the end I got divorced i just couldn’t take it anymore

I can see the validity of all his issues but working late and not being there is normal for a man with a growing family. He needs to provide for his family. In today’s world 2 salaries are needed to survive. And as for his mother, she should stop meddling in your life and support you and the children by helping you at home. And none of her opinions. Never mind your partner. He has to cut his strings to his mother. He is a grown man and should act like one. Good luck honey. It’s not easy. Pray, it makes a big difference. You’re not alone.

If it were me, I would address the problem (which you did) and if he doesn’t respect YOU then I would leave. After you’re with another person (especially with kids) you’re family comes before anything. INCLUDING YOUR PARENTS. So if he can’t be a man, then I suggest you go find someone you can be

look up EMOTIONAL INCEST :sleepy::pray:

If you don’t know what he is telling her, you might be judging her wrongly…for one thing, he isn’t going to make himself look bad …better to be the victim…I see it with our grandkids…play both ends to the middle and stir up trouble

Time for you to put your children first. Drop him like the turd he is. If he can’t stand up for you and fight for his children, then let him go home to his Mummy. She’s not the problem….you and him are both the issue.

You knew how his mom was and continued to stay with him and bring more kids into it. Hold yourself responsible for your part of this bc what you allow WILL continue. Dude has serious issues. I wonder what a therapist would say about his weird attachment to his mom and how he let’s her talk about you any type of way