My mother in law is threatening us

I’m looking for moral support, experience, or just general feedback. I have two kids under the age of 6. Ever since my husband and I brought home our first born his mother has overstepped herself. She would invite herself over daily, give our children candy and presents every time she came against our wishes, yell at my husband in front of my kids, and try and undermine us as parents, and she verbally abused my husband as long as I’ve known him. Fast forward to the beginning of the year. She needed a “break” from my husband because in her mind him cursing is the worst thing in the world and she cannot subject herself to being in the same room as a curse word. Then when she was ready to see us again we said she and my husband needed to go to therapy together so we could all exist healthily. Well that sent her off her rocker and she became threatening us daily, showing up at our childrens school, saying she would call our bosses and make up stories to have us fired, call the police and cps and try and make us loose our kids. This went on for several months. Finally I said I was going to the police and my husband begged me not to and she left us alone for a month. Then my husband wanted to try letting her only speak to our kids over the phone which turned into a once a month visit. Now she is back to her narcissistic toxic ways. I want to go no contact PERIOD. I do not want to subject my husband and I to this abuse any longer and I do not want to wait around for her to start on my kids. I feel like I am in the right. I feel like I am protecting myself and my family from this abuse and showing my kids that we do not accept that kind of behavior. Am I wrong?
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She is the grandmother I would let her buy the gifts but however the rest of her behavior is out of line I would tell her to stop with her abuse towards you and him or she will not be allowed around your kids let her call cps because if there’s nothing wrong case closed and if she calls too many times she will get in trouble for false allegations

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law is threatening us

Protect ur loving family from toxic animals

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Wow. Personally I would limit contact if any until the children are old enough to decide and fend for themselves. Maby your husband can make arrangements to keep in more contact with his mother if that’s what he wants? Keep records or a diary of happenings which should be a pretty big red flag in regards to your family.

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Nope!! It will be the best decision you ever make to eliminate toxicity from your lives. I’ve done it and things have been much more peaceful!! Good luck!!!

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If it’s toxic stay away from it!! Been in your place and try me when get away from it your home and everyone will be happy….

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Does she have a key to your home ? Change the locks. Change phone numbers. Call the police about threats and protect your family from her.
The kids don’t need a relationship with a toxic person . Your home should be a safe environment for everyone

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NO you ARE NOT wrong!! And don’t let anyone tell you that you are!! You need to protect you and them babies!! If the husband doesn’t want it then tell him fine but his mother will have nothing to do with the kids and you will get the order to protect you and the kids and not him…. Sarah Diveley

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No you’re not wrong. Protect your peace and your family.

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You’re not wrong! My mom does this! And my son is 9. She tries to make me feel like a shit mom and I’m a single mom. I have my own place and I had to wait a week for a new bed for my son and she has gone off to make me this horrible mother cus he needed a new mattress and I didn’t have the funds on that day.

Record her calls and texts. Have a log of the times she has called and threatened y’all.
And don’t be afraid to call the police… sometimes it’s needed in order to do something about it.
If you have a Ring camera, great, if not I recommend getting one. And please make sure your children’s schools are aware not to let them go with your MIL.

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Start documenting everything meticulously, save all texts. You’re not wrong and you may need the proof down the road. My MIL was like this, and even with my SO on board for no contact it still took us getting to the point where we started the process of a restraining order for her to stop showing up at his work and stalking our house.

Coming from experience and speaking from it cut her off!! If your husband still wants to talk to her he can do so without the involvement of you and the kiddos (personally, I cut her off completely, as in completely!!!) At the end of the day it’s your job and duty to protect your kids regardless if it’s family or not toxic is toxic!!!

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No your not wrong!Reading this its nonsense going through this.What she had with her son their problem.She does not need to bring to your home with your kids.Better idea let him go to his mother’s house.She can call kids.But you can invite her to come when you want.Yes change the locks.

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I agree with the above. I’m also speaking from experience. It won’t get better, especially with a narcissist. I’d cut all contact. Log and record everything, especially when you tell her that you’re cutting contact. You need security cameras like Ring. Definitely contact the kid’s school and explain the situation, so that she cannot come into contact with them. I would also sit down with your kiddos and explain why they won’t being seeing her anymore. I would also consider getting a restraining order. Good luck! Once you’re passed this, you’ll have that weight lifted and you’ll be able to breath again.

Seriously forget u and ur husband being subjected to it. Ur adults u can process an know she is Bullshit but the kidd can’t. My grandmother is terrible! My daf was a single dad an all she did was criticize everything. Nothing he did was right or good enough and she was yerrible to me. Put downs. Everything eas my fault. I looked just like that nasty woman an sounded like her too (my mother who I never saw). And so on for years. She ruined every holiday for me. Even now. And at 18 I cut contact. And then at 21 I had my son. And she never could figure out why i woukdnt talk yo her and I told her why but promised to be different cause she didnt want to miss out on knowing me or her great grandson. Well 9 months after he was born she started her shit. I tried for a yesr to ve nice…they lived 2.5 hrs away so it was daily calls and weekend visits and I said no. But really put my foot down about e years ago. I trfuse to soeak to her. She calks I dint answer. She stops on way through town I don’t let her in. IF I do I do not acknowledge she is here an I make sure my child is gone. I’m not good enough. I cant keep a man (mind u she knrw my husband was beating me but wanted me to keep him anyway because if I straightened out he wouldn’t have to hut me) and its my fault my son has autism if I woukd of been a better nom…and then 3 tesrs ago when my son turned 4 she started putting him down like she did yo me when I was that age and then I was done. I rrfuse calls. Only his birthday and on speaker with me right there. And I have never left her alone with him. He just turned 8 and there is no contact. I cant tolerate her abuse I’ve done it for years. Ive even gone to cops when shr was posting half naked ohotos if my son publicly on facebook with his full name and agae and where we were. And I have custody an my ex is out of the picture for 7.5 years but he still watches so I asked her not to do that she said her choice. Cops told me I was in the wring and she didnt ubderstand I need to calm down. Iys gotten so vad with het and I we have thrown punches. So for the sake of the kids its a no. Straight up say no or make ant lame excuse.

Cut her off… End of story no explanation needed

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If he won’t do no contact then maybe u and the kids should go stay with your family for a tiny bit and go no contact with him till he chooses who’s more important you and his kids or his mother.

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You are so not wrong! I would cut her off ASAP and completely! Look at how she is affecting you and your husband. How do you think that is affecting your children to see their grandmother act that way towards their parents? It’s one thing for a grandparent to give unsolicited advice, my mother does it all the time and I’ve been a mom for over 18 years. I think I have the hang of it by now. But what your MIL is doing, is toxic af. What I would do, is flat out tell her that unless she is willing to seek therapy and/or medication to control the issues, she will be cut off completely. No phone calls. No visits. No contact. If she refuses therapy/medication, stand your ground. You and your husband. You two need to be a united front. If she continues, at that point I would contact the police to file a report. Nothing may happen to her, but her threats and actions will be documented. Also, I would start documenting everything that is said and done because in the end, the way she sounds, you may need a restraining order.

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Do something before she does, she can file for legal grandparental visitation! Depending on where you live , but absolutely you need to make sure you’re the first one with the record made that she is the issue. Record everything, keep texts etc. She doesn’t sound like she will bk down nicely.

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Restraining order. Stat.

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You need to keep yourself & your children away from her. No contact period. I’d be installing cameras. If she comes over tell her she’s not welcome. Clip those videos! I’m sure her reaction will be interesting to the judge. File restraining orders & harassment charges.

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I don’t play about my babies!! She would not and I mean would not ever be allowed to see them until she learned how to act!!!

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I would sit down with your husband and have a serious talk. Let him know that he is a grown man and can be involved with his mother if that’s what he wishes for himself. But you and the children will not be apart of her life. If she shows up call the cops. Your husband needs to know that her coming to your house is not going to happen even if he’s going to be mad at you for calling the cops. He can meet her for lunch/dinner, or go visit her. Block her from all your social media and phone. If all else fails, and the cops and restraining order don’t work, when she comes around sprinkle those cuss words like it’s your job. Be rude to her. Every time she says something out of line come back at her. She brings things for the kids, grab them as she’s walking in and put them in the trash before your kids see. You don’t get respect unless you give it. Period. My kids, my house, my rules. Don’t like it, see yourself out. And don’t ever threaten my children. Cause I will become your worst nightmare. I know the second part sounds petty but she’ll make the choice of not coming around because people like her can dish it out but in no way can handle it dished to them. Sure she’ll say some things about you to make herself the victim but don’t pay no mind to any of it. Protect your children. Toxic is toxic no matter what title you hold and no one has rights to be in your child’s life. Even it’s a hard choice your children’s mental health and protecting them from toxic is #1 priority over anyone else’s feelings. So you are not wrong in the least. If she does that to her son, she WILL do it to his kids sooner or later.

No your not in the wrong she sounds horrid

Cut her off and if your husband wants to see her then it needs to be at her house. I’d block her number to. If your husband can’t stand up for you in this take the kids and go.

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Not wrong. Id cut her off. His mom or not. He needs to wake up and understand

Put your foot down and tell her it’s either therapy or she’ll be out of yalls lives and your kids lives. If she keeps Harassing then get a no contact order and go to the police and say how she’s harassing you.

your husband is part of the problem. you are allowing it. First, the school should be having her removed in handcuffs. You better make sure she is not on the list of persons that can pick your children up. Your employer should likely also call police every time she shows up. OR YOU SHOULD.

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She sounds like a LIFETIME movie! Keep your kids away from this lady! I would NOT let her anywhere near them! Start a paper trail , times/ date/ and what was said or done! She’s DANGEROUS

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Your husband needs therapy and yall need no contact with her.

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Just because some one is family does not mean that you have to deal with their bs.Cut her completely off period.She sounds toxic as h*ll.

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Not wrong at all… if they witness that behaviour and keep on watching their father tolerate and put up with that unhealthy behaviour … they will grow thinking its normal … stick to ur guns… protect those children!

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Do not let her around those kids. If she’ll do it to her own child, imagine what she’ll do to her grandkids. Your husband needs therapy to think any of this is ok.

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When my mil threatened us we no longer communicated or had anything to do with her.

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Why are you letting this go on? Your kids are soon going to be doing the same things. Put your foot down with both of them! Keep it away from your children!

Not wrong. Just do it. I have had do it and i have been happier.

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If you dont go NC her crazy will continue till the day she dies

You are not wrong and if he keeps choosing her over you and your children’s safety then you might consider leaving.

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you are not wrong. Document EVERYTHING. At some point she will hit the right nerve with your husband and will bring back visions of his childhood and he will cut her off…as long as he has support from you…you can’t force it though…he has to feel it to the core. But when she shows up at the school have the school call the police and put a no trespass against her. If someone calls you about her behavior express that you need their help and for them to report her behavior to the proper authorities. Get a voice recorder on your phone to record her rants…and save them for CPS and authorities.

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Protect your kids. PROTECT YOUR KIDS. No offense to your husband, but he is a grown man that can make decisions for himself, your kids can’t.
Save any and all documents. Call the police EVERY time there is an issue and get a no contact order.

Remove her from emergency contact at your kids school

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You need to be documenting every threat and cut her off. Ask you husband in front of a therapist why he wants to invite someone into your lives that is willing to lie to destroy your lives. And never ever ever go to therapy with an abuser! In fact any therapist that is aware there’s active abuse should refuse bc all it does is help an abuse find more ways to hurt you.

Seriously you guys need. Lawyer visit bc she is the kind to sue for grandparents rights and she could win depending on your state and the fact that you have no evidence of her threatening your family. She shows up you ask her to leave and if she doesn’t call the police and have her removed. If your husband is too scared you do it anyways bc you have kids to protect and he’s prob in a trauma response to his mothers behavior bc he’s been abused and can’t think straight. And make no mistake she’s abusing your kids by causing you so much stress and upset. By threatening their family. Financial security…. Lawyers aren’t expensive or anything…

Start a binder, print off everything you have in text/email (remove her contact so it shows as her number), put up cameras so when she starts up outside (never let her in) you have video evidence, move if you need to. Talk to multiple lawyers for a game plan. Let the schools know she is a danger to the kids and if she shows up she needs to leave. Maybe you’ll get lucky and she’ll throw a fit and be trespassed from the schools. Talk to HR/bosses. They can trespass her off too. And you’ll have a paper trail.

And for future reference if someone can’t behave with the parents they never get the kids ever.

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Your in the right get a restraining order when you go to court suggest therapy for her and anger management but most states don’t have grandparent rights and you can contact the school to have her banned from the property when she shows up unannounced you can call the law have it recorded you asked her not to come and leave if she gets verbal call law let them listen to her going nuts they will see your side

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I would definitely cut contact. If she can’t behave like an adult she doesn’t deserve the privilege of seeing your kids. Your husband has been conditioned to her nonsense so it may be hard to get him completely on board but stand your ground. You have given her every opportunity to fix the issues and she is refusing.

You need to go no contact but you need to cover your self in doing so. Tell her you guys are done with her and what’s going to happen and why. Tell her if she continues to contact you or whatever theres going to be consequences. If her behaviors continue, make a police report. Update the school with what is going on so if she shows up there they can notify you immediately. Inform your employers discreetly with what is going on in case she decides to make trouble. It might not be a half bad idea to contact an attorney to see what you can do about a no contact order on her so if she continues to show up at the schools or contact you or make phone calls to employers, etc. she is in violation of it and can be held accountable. Finally… Tell your husband to grow a set and deal with her

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If anything I would do once a month Sunday dinner in a public restaurant where you can leave if she starts anything. Possibly go in separate cars so you can take the kids and leave your husband there to deal with her.

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Always make that police report. Never ignore crazy behavior FOR ANYONE.

THEY chose to cross that line and make it necessary. Never let anyone make you feel bad for doing what you have to to protect yourself and your family.

I would also record any calls you do have with her from now on if your state allows.
Or go to strictly text and emails so you have proof of all communication since she wants to act nuts.

All you guys wanted was some boundaries. And she threatened to destroy your lives. There is no excuse. Id have cut contact forever, or at least until she had psychological help.

Your husband can do what he wants.
But if I were you:
I’d cut contact for the kids and I at least, dad can decide on his own about himself.
I would insist on every interaction being recorded.
Psychological help would be a must for her individually. Rational people don’t threaten to destroy their sons life for setting boundaries.
Then family therapy for her and husband if there is progress.
There would be a police report; and if she continued, a criminal trespass order against her coming to my home or/and protection order for my kids and I; along with notifying all schools and family/friends she not allowed around.
If husband keeps trying to defend her and not understand the gravity of what she threatened, id push for him to do individual psychological/ therapy sessions too.
Yes, she’s his mother. But false reports can cost people their kids too. Your livelihood. Your marriage.

She won’t stop taking it too far unless you make it clear you won’t take it

Not wrong whatsoever… YOU are the mother of those children. YOU protect them and their wellbeing REGARDLESS if your husband is onboard or not.

Your hubby needs to prioritize marriage OVER his "overly possessive, controlling, and toxic mother ".

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You need to get your husband on the same page as you. Document everything and get a restraining order. But if your husband doesn’t go along with it he will either let her around anyway or it will cause big problems between you two.

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We had to cut ties with my mother in law and my husband even finally blocked her number on his phone. I would definitely suggest documenting everything u can. I my state grand parents don’t have rights but she didn’t want our kids my kids weren’t as special as the rest of them. She just wanted to make our lives miserable and start drama.

Nope. Not wrong and do not allow her around your children. She’s a whole toxic waste dump.

Not wrong at all!!! Do what you gotta do to protect your family!!!

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The minute she threatened to make me lose my children is the min I would cut contact off 100%. You can threaten me all you want but the min you come for my babies I don’t care who you are your done. And I normally wouldn’t make decisions for my husband but in this case it would be either his mother or us. Wtf is wrong with mother in laws? I could never treat my kids thier spouses or my grandkids like this.

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Been there. Your not wrong. Cut all contact and call the police if you have to.

File a restraining order.
Sadly, men get addicted to toxic relationships too. You both need to go to therapy to work thru this but that woman needs put in her place.
You chipdren are seeing this & learning they can act like her… Nope. She wouldn’t be near my home.
Warn your bosses. When the restraining order hits, give a copy to the school. She shows up, she goes to jail.
Stop her. You’re responsible to keep your family safe & peaceful. If he gets stupid upset, he can go live with her.

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K but listen. You need that paper trail so if she does make up bogus stories so you loose your kids there is proof she is lying. Go to the police. Call them every damn time she has a come apart. Tell the school she is NOT allowed to see or pull kids out. Protect your kids momma.

Absolutely not! It doesn’t matter who the person is, if they’re toxic, they’re toxic.

Not wrong! Forget the MIL your husband needs to see a therapist.

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I think you have given enough chances your kids have witnessed this and your right they should be taught it’s not behavior that should be accepted

There’s a lot of states were grandparents do not have any need any say-so (visitation etc). Ifff You choose not to let her see your children, that is your absolute right. If she is threatening like this, I know it’s your MIL but I would get the police involved because if she makes a false report to CPS, that is a felony. People sometimes understandably are leery about contacting the authorities regarding a family member but it sounds like an order of protection might even be needed and I would try to document everything she is doing even if you have to start recording conversations where she makes these idle threats where she says she’s going to make false claims. It’s unfortunate that you might have to do that but you have to protect your children . How ratchet of her. I am so sorry

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Enough is enough! Put your foot down and cut her off now!!!

You have every right to keep toxic people away from you and your kids, no matter who they are.

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Depending on state her rights differ. She sounds toxic. I would record everything, make sure you have signs posted that camera is there. Sounds like if she put y’all through all that , it might be better to not allow her around . Until she can treat y’all with respect

See if you can get a restraining order, DON’T LET her in your home when she pops up, if she gets crazed at your door call the police, you need to sit down and discuss calmly with your husband the fact that his mother already threatened to take your children away, next time she might actually make the calls and you’ll have a long battle on your hands proving you and your children are fine. Document everything you can ,even video/ record what you can. Good luck. You can always move with no forwarding address. Last resort leave your husband and disappear with your kids.

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Document everything…

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Sounds like she has mental problems. Keep away from her.

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Get a restraining order.

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You are not wrong in not wanting her around your kids and you. As far as your husband goes it’s his choice if he wants to see his mother. You can’t control what your husband does He is grown man and doesn’t need to be told what he can and cannot do. His mother acts like she might have schizophrenia

Flat out tell her you’re done don’t contact you your husband or your kids. Tell her there will be no contact until she starts therapy to improve herself. And let her call cps as long as you are taking care of your kids they are not going to do anything but show up and leave. And maybe try talking to your bosses and let them know that she’s threatened to try to get y’all fired. That way if she calls the boss can nip it in the bud

You need to record her saying she is gonna lie to your work and CPS and the police.

Here is what I would do:

  1. Get new jobs
  2. Move to another state where she cannot find u where you know people she doesn’t know.
  3. Put your home and everything under someone else’s name.
  4. Or change your name.
  5. Move in secret and never look back.
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I have literally cut off my own mother for exactly this! Havent spoke to her in 5 years. Best decision of my life. Its amazing what happens to your mental health when you rid your life of toxic people. :person_shrugging:

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Your children don’t need to witness this sort of abuse or behaviour you need to cut this person out of your lives forever. She will never change

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You should have never restarted contact. Cut her out completely and anyone else who starts to try to take control of your life or your kid’s lives.

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Even in states with grandparents rights, the parents have to be deemed unfit first. Keep all texts and voicemail from her. Get a restraining order if you have to. Your husband may be upset, but she’s threatening your family and livelihood because she’s not getting her way. It’s too much. Protect yourself and your babies no matter what.

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You’re not wrong at all.
Your husband needs to step up and be a man. He needs to stand up to her.

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You married him,not his mom

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You are right. You have to cut off all ties.

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Time to take everything you just said here to the court house and get a restraining order! If your husband doesn’t like it then he can go live with her. He is a part of the problem if he isn’t going to help you put a stop to the problem

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No, do what you need to, to protect your family. Your kids, your rules. Notify the school so that she can’t visit or pick up your kids, notify your employers, too. Sounds like she’ll escalate if she doesn’t get her way. Set boundaries and conditions and if she won’t comply, goodbye.

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Get a restraining order. Also, can you move?

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Keep copies of texts. Try and record her conversations/threats.

Lay down the law! Give her a list of dos and donts, in writing. Let it say if she doesn’t follow the rules, there will be no contact permitted. Be adamant!! Date it. Keep copy/photo/text/etc of it for your records. Dont expect much from her. She’ll probably push back. Break the rules pretty quickly. But you’ll have proof, documentation and her lousy behavior & attitude if she attempts to follow thru on her threats. The alternative is eventually she’ll take your rules seriously and because a better grandma. You can’t lose.
Gods Luck!!

Not at all. She will mentally abuse those kids and try to turn them on you cause that what narcissistic people do.

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At this point, cut it off completely. Your husband needs to grow up and protect HIS family he created. Let him know where you stand- the fact that she’s threatening to get CPS involved- that’s an automatic banish in my book. If husband doesn’t like it, he can go too.

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Lol he’s a mommas boy isn’t he? I say you both sit her down and speak like adults set boundaries what days she can come what days she can’t. Setting boundaries is hard for them to understand but trust me it’s a process she’ll slowly but surly start to understand, don’t make your husband break ties with family over silly disputes yes what she is doing is horrible but remember speaking to each other and setting boundaries help and ot one happen in one day it’ll take a little bit of time

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Get a restraining order for each person of your family

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You have every right to cut toxic people out of your lives especially the kids.

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You’re not wrong at all she’s a master manipulator and a narcissistic gaslighter. Stay the heck away far her. She will never change. Of course she will tell that she will change and unless you want to have a nervous breakdown stay the heck away from her. I mean threatening you and your husband from everything from CPS to calling your bosses she definitely has toys in her attic if you know what I mean. I would definitely put her on record with the police and get a restraining order. I would also call CPS and your employers and let them know what she is doing. She is definitely nuts!!!

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First, record her making her threats of lying, trying to get you fired etc. You’ll need that. Once you have your physical evidence, go get a protective order. Take that to your bosses, school, etc. She won’t be able to lie when they know it’s her getting revenge for you needing a protective order against her.

You don’t have to allow her around if she’s going to behave that way.

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I cut my narcissist of a mother in law off . My husband really wanted it to work out but was proven time and time again that things were not going to change so for the sake of our own mental health and protecting our kids we cut off her off 100% . You need to do what is right for your family and she sounds like a horrible woman

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Document everything!!! Courts and lawyers want/need everything documented. Save text messages, write everything down. This way if she ever tries any of these threats then you have documents showing what she’s been saying.

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You are 1000% in the right

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No not at all!!! I think she has a medical condition she needs to address…or she has a megga problem of "back the fuck off!!! YOUR children and YOUR home life is your own…NO ONE has the right to indvate that…family or not…stand your ground. .NOT ACCEPTABL. .and out of order…thinking of you poor lady…how dreadful.

Protect your kids and family! If your husband wants to see her he can go to her house! You do NOT have to allow her to come to your house! But yes I would have already contacted the police! She’s crazy!

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If you read this as someone else’s post what would you do? Protect your family!

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Toxic is toxic no matter the source and you don’t need that around yourself or your kids. Cut her off and if need be get a restraining order.

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Hard subject but if someone is outta line an not got a right under your roof U need to make that herd loud an clear once an for all .some people just meddle an interfear in family life trying to make it Thier bizzness .her problem needs to frounted head on by asking her what her ression is for that kinda behaviour in your home .she has no rights she’s to respect use .an feeding up kids on candy is a thing I have an issue with to my self I hate it .the kids don’t enjoy them selves thay end up hypo an told off couseing interuptions in your day that was fine before she showed up .I fully understand this subject .U need to take a clam ferm stand .or that person can stay away unless Thier going to behave in a manner that’s apriciated .n not a curse

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Absolutely get her recorded saying these threats. That sounds like an incredibly unstable woman with an undiagnosed condition. Your family comes before her, your husband needs to put YALL above her.

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Get a restraining order for just you and the kids against her. If your hubby wants to pick her over you then that’s his problem to deal with then

You aint wrong keep proof of her abuse and file a no contact order doesnt matter what your husband says you file that right away cuz you wanna protect your family