Wow a mamas boy. It wnt change
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First, remove her ass from your bank account. Iâm a fan of having separate accounts, also. Second, be honest with your husband without being harsh. Just explain this is too much and she needs to stop, now.
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No you are not overreacting
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You married into it with eyes wide open. Kind of hard to complain now. You also had to willingly put your name on a bank account she had her name on. You did this to yourself. Its really easy to take your name off and open your own. Start with thatâŚI would end it with she needs to find her lane, get in it, stay in it or your out. But good luck. Marrying him with these issues only told both of them youâre ok with it
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Create an account in only your name. Close out the joing account(if your name is on, only you need to be present to do so)
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Make your mother in law your friend. Thats all that worked on my monster inlawâŚSpeak to your man.
Remember he sleeps in your bed⌠not in mommyâs bed!!! Work it girl
The marriage vows include âforsaking all othersâ for a reason. That includes possessive parents. You should be a couple, not a threesome. Mama needs to back off.
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First of all, take her name off of your bank account. Now that youâre married your financial business is your own business and not hers. Maybe if you would invite her over for tea when your husband is not home and tell her nicely that you and your husband really need some alone time to get to know each other and would there be any way that she could just call once a week. Youâre trying to adjust to a new life and you love her very much and want her to be involved in it but not in an everyday basis. Iâm sure that she loves you and sheâs happy for her son that heâs married to someone special but she seems to just not be able to understand that heâs not her little boy anymore he is now a married man with responsibilities. When you let her know that there is a new baby on the way oh, that you would really appreciate her coming over to visit or even babysitting on a date night but please just let the two of you decide whatâs right and whatâs wrong for your child. Youâre going to have to think of the right way to say these things as to not hurt her feelings because you donât want to build a wall between the two of you. She will in the future probably be a very big help to you once she learns to accept the fact that her little boy is now grown up and has another woman in his life. Good luck to you and your husband and congratulations on your new little one coming into this world. Hopefully you will not repeat what your mother-in-lawâs doing. It will be hard though to let go trust me.
I donât really believe you didnât see this before you got married
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Sounds like a control FREAK. Nothing will change until you stand your ground. Donât play victim, take control of your situation.
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First off you both need to have your own bank account not with her. And second she has no say so in what you guys spend your money on. And I get how you feel the calling everyday is annoying cuz she does that with mine. And if he donât answer, theyâll keep calling over and over back to back including my phone. I snapped to him about it. I told him exactly how I felt. Good luck. And I hope it doesnât get worse with the baby coming.
Put your foot down and say enough!! If that doesnât work get out and run far away or youâll be forever miserable!!
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Take out all money and open for just you two
Talk to them both. Even if you have to do it separately. Let them know that youâre marriage is only between the two of you and if they have a problem with that, they can have each other. Take out every penny from that account with your MIL and create a new one. If thatâs to damn much for them, take your child and leave. Because itâs almost a guarantee that they will be the ones raising him/her and you will have little to no say in the matter.
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Open up a new bank account this is ridiculous 
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Exactly why Iâm NOT getting married!!!
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Send this kid back to his mama and tell him come back when he grows hair on his âŚ
Open your own account!! If she was like this before you married why did you think sheâd stop? She sounds like a narcissist and he enables her âŚheâs scared of mom âŚof upsetting her , you have to talk to both of them âŚnow your pregnant she will get worse âŚbefore you know it sheâll be trying to control everything with your baby ⌠do you not have parents for support?? Good luck
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She wonât stop and it will only get worse when the baby is born⌠probably even before ⌠there needs to be boundaries !!! Tell him to man up . Put your foot down to her also âŚthis is the only way !
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Crystal Mary Burchett Sounds familiar?!
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She needs to back away.
Let you 2 be in your own relationship, soon family.
Itâs unacceptable behavior in eyes.
Time to cut the cord hubbyđ
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Itâs time to cut the umbilical cord and be independent.
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Tell his mother youâre the wife⌠and if she wants to run the wife roll, she will be the cause of divorce and her husband will NEVER find love cause no woman will deal with that⌠but really your husband should let his balls drop, this is truly his fight not yours
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Tell that witch to fuck off!! đ she calls him asking if he needs anything? like if YOU ( HIS WIFE!!! ) are not capable of taking care of him and her name is on the bank acct. Wtf is that? Take her off your damn self.
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Things wonât change UNLESS your husband put his foot down, no point regretting now as you already married him. The only thing u MUST DO is set your boundaries now for your baby, talk to your husband what u canât tolerate when it comes to your child. Come to an agreement BEFORE the baby is here, u already too late once when u marry him and his mum, donât drag it to your child also
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Honestly nothing is going to change. You canât complain when you new how attached he was before marryingâŚthose were your red flags to walk away but you assumed things would change. All you have left is to leave and do things on your own. Regardless of what you want of your mother in law not controlling your new born? Thatâs the babyâs father and grandma which will be in the babyâs life weather you like it or not. You however will have a say if you donât like what she does with your baby but you canât attack her. You have to do it with respect and as a mom who wants the best for her child.
Run⌠as fast as you can.
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To late marry the man marry his family call Dr Phil
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You just married my ex!!! It doesnât get any better!!
Well, the sad part about this is, I am sure these people think this is perfectly normal.
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That is very strange! Your money is your money, it shouldnât concern her at all what you do with it. If she tries to interfere with your baby tell her straight thanks but no thanks, thatâs your baby not hers
Put an end to it now. Remove her from your finances and anything else that is a husband/wife issue. He doesnât have an issue with it because it is someone in addition to you to satisfy his every need. Donât ask him, TELL him, ite ends now. He can have any type of relationship he wants with her, you donât have to. What goes on in your marriage is none if her business. Now youâre pregnant, do you really want this woman âraisingâ your child? Tell your hubbie, this ends today. You can cut the cord where you and the marriage are concerned. I had a mother in law like this. Her son was too much of a pansy to stand up and tell her we didnât need her to micromanage our marriage. Yes, she hated me and made no secret that I âstoldâ her son from her. I stopped going to all his family functions. If he chose to go and take our son that was on him. We have been divorced now for over six years. Sheâs old and sick now and wants me to visit weekly and participate in her life. Sorry, ainât happening. She should have thought about that twenty years ago. I have no sympathy for her or my ex husband. He and his brother live with her in the family home. My son very rarely goes there for a visit. My ex has repeatedly ask me to visit/help care for her. I was a geriatric and hospice nurse before I retired. My answerâŚnot is this lifetime.
So you knew all this but waited right up till you were married for it to become an issue??Donât believe for a minute you thought it would change when you marriedâŚyour manâs obviously a wimpy mummyâs boy,you knew all thatâŚStill married him thođ¤
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No you are not and trust me Iâve been through it, it gets worse when the baby arrives. We broke up because of it he never let go of his mom.
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Why would you marry someone like that ??? And now your pregnant Iâm sorry but itâs too late
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She would know first hand⌠You donât control me or my husband and your child. My Ex mother in law messed up my bond with my daughter⌠Sheâs now 30 an we struggle to have a normal relationship.
You should have laid the law down before you got married. Youâre in for a hard time.
I dated a guy for awhile that I had known for years. His mom was like that. Her boys and her husband were terrified of her. The husband would literally shake if anyone talked to him when they were out. It was not allowed. When I found out I was pregnant (I was on the pill, it didnât work), I quit seeing him. When my child was 6 months old I informed his father. He was shocked and wanted to know why I didnât tell him. I informed him that his mother would never have any say over how I raise my child. She may run the life of every other family member (and she did), but she would not run mine or my childâs. His dad started to come over and spend time with his child and never mentioned the child to his mother. She found out when my child was about 5. She tried to tell me what to do just once. I told her how things were going to be and that was that. I informed her I am not afraid of her, and how I raise my child is my business. She never gave me any problems after that. My childs father and I never got back together because I didnât want to be with someone I could walk all over.
No youâre not over reacting, but you knew what you were getting into before you married him and thought you could change him!!! Or you were just desperate to get married! Please believe me, you are not going to win that battle between him and his mother! Stop trying heâs only going to side with mommie! At this point you really need to think about what you got yourself into and start making a plan for you and your child! To be honest her being on you and your husbandâs bank account, you had to have agreed with that!!! Sorry but I donât have much sympathy for you at this point! I see major problems down the road and you do too!!! Ijs
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well you had to know about all this before you said I doâŚbut you did so this is what I would doâŚI would sit down with her I am blunt person and have no problem speaking my mind and I would say thisâŚwhen you had mamaâs boy no one told you how or what to do regarding him as a child that will the same exact thing that I will have with my child, if you over step or attempt to micro manage me then I will restrict your access even moreâŚyou will respect me and my family as you already had yours your wayâŚjust sayingâŚI would be direct look her in the eye and tell her that is all this conversation is overâŚ
Films that might help. âAct like a lady, think like a manâ and âMonster in lawâ
Oh dear⌠why dont you start your own bank account too. Put your foot down and tell the inlaw to but put of your married life, and leave you guys to work your life out, and tell your husband to get balls and tell his mother to back off.
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You are not overreacting! Maybe just you and your MIL need to have a sit down and discuss just what you wrote! Be firm and honest. I love my husband of 33 years, and his mother, but I would have such a hard time if I were in your shoes. I got super lucky!
Talk to her. Work together so that you can help her. Losing her son to a wife can be hard. I know you are frustrated. It isnt her intention to act crazy. Talking and drawing boundaries is a good thing.
It is time for her to back off. Is he her only child? How old is he?
I wish Id asked as you have, and been warned that itll only get worse unless you take control now.
Firmly take a stand. Once you figure out what youre willing to do or put up with, state your boundaries and expectations and hold to them. Its clearly his Mom who has always guided boundaries in his life. Put your foot down now. If you dont, you can be certain that eventually he will allow her to chase you away - and blame you for it.
Having her on YOUR account w/o your approval shows a tendancy toward financial abuse and 100% of abusive ppl use some form of it.
Please dont assume hes just nice and doesnt want to stand up for himself or you.
Keep an eye out for passive aggressiveness.
Wish you the best
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Get out now heâs not going to change.
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You already answered it for yourself. If his mom runs his money, she runs everything. Always Always Always have one account for bills and separate accounts for personal for each person. You married his momâŚand got a mamaâs boy. The end. Canât change what you ACCEPTED while dating.
This was the situation before you married him, you knew what you were getting into. Why did you think marrying him would change anything??
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Tell her face to face to back off and mind her own if he and she dont like it give him altermatum
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Stand up & be a woman. Tell your mother in law that her help with your finances are not needed
Tell her that now that you guys are married youâd like to take care of things as a married couple
You donât have to be nasty to get your point across
If your hubby doesnât like it too damn bad
Ummmmmm this was going on before you were married sooooooo what did you think? It was going to change? NOPE! you married a mommy boy wimp so thats what you get.
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Tell ya husband itâs either you or her heâs to blame letting her and Iâd tell her fucken butt out or fuck off out of our lives
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Never to late to move out. File for divorce and love him from a far. His mother will yell, scream, and humiliate you the entire pregnancy. You are a grown woman your husband on the other hand needs his mommy to hold his hand for everything. Donât worry heâll be okay he has his mother to comfort him.
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You walked into that with your eyes open. Either deal with it, or walk because itâs not changing.
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I tell people all the time âŚall the things that are an issue BIG& small need to be hashed out before your marry bc they will grow & get worse⌠All that little shit you think is cute in the beginning arenât so cute after years⌠BUT Sis that bank account thing would have been a GIANT NO right from the front!!!
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Did you know this before?
Your husband is now married to you. If his mother is interfering it needs to be him that shuts her down. Tell himâŚthe bank account needs to be moved or her name needs to be removed so she canât have access. It is none of her business how you spend your money as a couple. These are issues that cause divorce and I believe you saw these flags before you married him and let it go. If your husband chooses his mother over you, you have the choice of either putting up and shutting up or divorcing him and making a better choice next time. I know that sounds harsh but that is your reality now.
Tell her to get lost! If you donât it will only continue and get worse. Do it!
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Unless a male is wearing diapers thatâs the only change u can change.
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Is SHE putting money into the bank account? Was it their account before you got married? Do the 2 of you have a budget that you follow? Are either of you good money managers? How old are the 2 of you?
MIL needs to see her son as separate from her now and capable of making decisions with you, not with her. IF the money is ALL yours and none is hers, simply ask the bank to block her access. IF she contributes to it, you canât do this. IF you are dependent on her for income, she has a right to know how her contribution is being spent.
If this is an account left over from his high school/college or dependent days and you are not using any of her money, by all means your hubby needs to explain to her that itâs the 2 of you now and he appreciates every thing mom has done, but sheâs off the account. Donât burn your bridges!
Iâd talk to her face to face with him. Shame on him for putting you through this. And yes she will micromanage your child. Good luck.
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Oh hell to the Naw Naw Naw!!! Seems like mom needs to mind her own business NOW!!! Heâs a grown ass man and he dont need his moma doing shit for him like that no more. You his wife and thats your job. Girl you better step the fuck up or sit your ass down for as long as yall are married. You gotta put your foot down!!
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Take your name off the account and open your own whatâs the problem easy solution why stress make a move
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You have to try and sit these 2 down and try.n.work out boundaries I think shes over.protective of her son but there has to be a limit he is a full grown man married with a child on the way u can say.to.your mother n.law I.know.u.love.your.son but.i do too and youd like.itmif this could come to a stop your not telling her to stop loving protecting.him him its getting to.be a bit.much after all.hes an adult.if it doesnt.clear up.u.have desicions to make good luck
Youâre not over reacting, that hag is trying to fuck shit up. I cant fuck WITH Moma boys!!! They never GROW the fuck up
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Just open up another bank account without MIL on it. Stop depositing $ into other joint account. and start conducting the family business from an account that is private for you. If you want a family (you and your husband) account then open a joint account with just the two of you on it. I think Itâs also a good idea to have your own personal account even if you donât have a lot of money in it at first. That way you have money that you are free to spend how ever you want, and should anything happen to your husband, you are not left high and dry with out any funds at all. I have found this very helpful when there is some disagreement with how personal spending money should be spent. Having your own income stream and account also takes some of the power from others to dominate your life.
What a nightmare, he obviously has no backbone. I hate to see families alienated but she needs to give him an ultimatum. Just not natural. She needs to get her own life.
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Omg get out while you can. Yes, she is going to be worse when bubs arrives. Omg get your bank details changed too. Shes toxic.
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First of all ⌠How old are you? Are you over 21? Do both of you live under her roof? Second⌠Regardless of your age, open your own account in your own name and let her account stand pat⌠!!! Second get direct deposit in Your Own Account. You had a right to have separation of family⌠You Need to set Boundaries ⌠and she NEEDS to understand to STAY IN HER OWN LANEâŚ!!! If she canât follow these rules, then she still needs to keep her distance and stay in her own lane. Your income is yours⌠You are entitled to make your own financial decisions⌠some may be bad, while other may be great. You live and learn⌠or ask for financial advice from your bank or investor or whomever.
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not normal at all and itâs time he makes a choiceâŚmom or you? You can talk to momâŚask her if her mother in law micro managed her marriageâŚitâs a place to start with her. Maybe she doesnât see what sheâs doing or just thinks itâs normal after so long. If you had dated long enough you would have seen this and avoided this mess. You have to take some responsibility for it. You entered into the relationship with some hope heâd cut the ties (assuming he wanted to) and now you blame him and her?? At this point getting pregnant is the final step in crazy town in this scenario. You didnât mention if you have a paycheck going into the account also, if so, start your own account. To me thatâs 2nd level crazy on top of crazy. Good Luck!
If itâs still like this itâll never change. You should of had this taken care of before marriage.
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When you deliver bubs ( she will be there for sure ) ask the dr to cut his umbilical cord while hes at it.
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Just try to set some boundaries. Remove her from your bank account and ask her to limit her phone calls .
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He has to grow up and put up boundaries before the baby comes. His mother will try to.hold on but you need to tell him she needs to back off. If you dont do it now it will get worse. Get her off your bank account.
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And you didnât foresee this problem before you got married?
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DIVORCE HIM. I guarantee that neither he nor she will ever change. Move to another country too while you are still pregnant. (but before 7 months⌠flying restrictions by airlines after second term.)
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Why did u marry himâŚ
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I married one of thoseâŚshe sent us 15 Christmas cards our first married Christmas. Yep. 15.
Wanna know what happened?!?
I came home from work one day after we were married almost 11 monthsâŚhe was moving home to live with his mom.
We got divorced after being married 1 year and 4 months.
RUN
RUN AWAY NOW.
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You need to have another frank and honest conversation with your husband. Tell him how you feel and that you need for this to change. Donât stop there though, tell him exactly what it is that you want changed and how you want it to change and come to a compromise on what he wants as well. He has to be made aware of how your are feeling. Donât hint at it, donât assume he knows. Because he wonât and never will. You married a mommas boy, nothing wrong with that but you are his wife you are his priority. He wonât change whatâs going on with his mother if you donât tell him there needs to be change. Boundaries need to be set and it starts with your husband. Good luck.
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Oh wow no no no been there it only gets worse!!! Get your own account first off and then get out his mom will always come before you and itâs not natural
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Get your own bank account and tell him if he doesnât grow a pair and be an adult then he can marry his mommy. I have no tolerance for man children.
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It will not work out
I also married one of these. She told us what to spend our money on and what not to. She still paid some of his bills too. He just couldnât pop that titty out of his mouth and even with counseling we barely lasted 5 years. 5 hellish years.
hit the door running and dont look back!
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Yes you brought this on yourself, you shouldnât have allowed to continue with the wedding thing while things are still like that
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I would tell him heâs married to you. The both of you need to deal with money n checking account without her name on it. He needs to set boundaries
I totally understand. Can you keep a separate bank account? I wouldnât even tell her you are pregnant. And when she finds out and starts meddling in your pregnancy donât allow it. Put your foot down.
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Open an account for yourself now! Do not tell anyone until you are done! Take your money out of the âFamilyâ account and put it in your own. Do not add any other names to the account. You will be happy that you did! Trust me!
Youâre raising a man-child. Now heâs got 2 women doing it. I feel for ya but time to dole out some major tough love. Set them damn boundaries. Youâll look like the bitch but so what. Do you want a husband or a grown ass child? Slap him (not literally!) in to grown-up land. Push momma out of the equation. She not married to him. You are.
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No you arenât overreacting at all. He needs to tell his mom that she needs to give you guys your space and that you can take care of everything from now on. Number one! Close that bank account and open another. That is beyond weird that she manages the money
You better talk to her
You should have delayed having a child until you got the mom- son thing under control. God help you now.
Yes, create a bank account in your name. Have your psyched autodeposited in your account. Take advantage of any 401k or other savings option your company has and stock away money in your name. Youâre going to need it later.
No youâre not over reacting I think you should sit both of them down and explain to them how much its bothering you but be nice about it and try not to get worked upâŚbecause his mother probably doesnât know or see anything wrong with what shes doing but it wouldnât hurt to tell them both especially if its weighing on you
Tell your husband to grow the hell up
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Ex husband is 50 years old AND STILL LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER. Thought it was respectful for how he treated her when we were married, calling her all the time each week, etc. Nope. Never changes. Hes still under her control and as another poster said, attached at the nipple.
He needs to grow a pair and tell his mom to back off. Heâs an adult time to act like it. And if he wonât then you do it.
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Todd Jones any comments?
Your mistake was assuming his mother would stop mothering himâŚ
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Hmmm sorry but if you noticed this prior to marriage, things wonât change now that you areâŚit should have changed prior to marriage! I would be damned if I had MIL on our bank account, go give mommy the D then⌠