My mother-in-law said my stepkids don't count as my husbands real kids: Advice?

When I was a step mom before a bio mom- I didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day …

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If he doesn’t refer to your children as his step kids then his mom shouldn’t either. If he doesn’t say anything then it’s probably bc he agrees so of course he isn’t gonna disagree bc technically it is his first Father’s Day. Yeah what she said was shitty but it’s not untrue :no_mouth:

It’s not up to her. She has no say in your marriage. I’d let her know that to. I’d also let her know she is being selfish and childish. She is a monster n law.

It’s his first Father’s Day. Celebrate him being a step dad on StepFathers day. But that’s his first Father’s Day and you’re trying to make it all about yourself.

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I think the mother in law doesn’t count. He is the one who makes the decision for his own family. Any fool with the equipment can be a father , but being a daddy is a whole ‘nother thing. I was a step-child (with a worthless father) and my bonus family never once made me feel “less”.

I agree. It wouldn’t sit well with me either and I would politely have a conversation with her.

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She’s an idiot. You r not the idiot whisperer. Tell her to kick rocks…

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We don’t do “step” anything in our family. I grew up in a blended family. I only explain our family to people who ask. My family now isa different kind of family and I still only explain it to friends who are confused. I have 2 kids, my bio kid came three years after my first. I felt like when people wished me my first mother’s day it was an insult.

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Stay home with all your kids and let hubby/baby play with mommie. It’s rude to say that shit. Kids hear and feel what she’s getting at. But I’m a bitch like that.

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Sounds like shes a real peach

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She is wrong.The ex husband,considers my 14 yo son his(he’s his ex step dad)but,my ex will still say,I have 4 children.He’s never once said,he doesnt belong to me.I would sit down with her and have a serious talk.

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Ignore what the old biddy has to say. Celecbrate Father’s Day the way your hubby wants to, not her!

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Tell that Old Bag to mind her business and let your husband celebrate all of his children!!

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He stepped up and took over the role of being the father of the step kids that makes him a father my freaking mother-in-law and father-in-law do the same shit I had a son when my husband or my now husband came into our lives and he stepped up when my son‘s real dad didn’t want him and he told his parents if you can’t except me then you don’t get to except my other kids which are his bio children he’s like they’re all my children so he’s like either except them all or you don’t get any he told us family off because it was pissing him off he’s like that’s like a really hard job to do is step up and be somebody else’s or to be a dad to someone else’s kids sorry you’re going through this

Just tell her to STFU. It might start conflict but hopefully she’ll think twice about sticking her nose where it don’t belong.

It wouldn’t sit well with me either but I also know that you can’t force people to love and include your children. It sucks majorly but that’s just how it is. If this is MIL’s first bio grandchild (doesn’t say) that very well could the reason why she is so keyed up about the new baby and it being his first Father’s Day. Not that it’s right at all! Either way, if your husband has been playing daddy to your 2 children and been there for them, he is their father, maybe not by blood but by what matters, and what matters is being there for them. This wouldn’t be a hill I would die on but I would make it very clear that your children are just as much his as your bio child together. If husband doesn’t back this up, maybe he didn’t see them so much as his kids as he did your children. Steps can love their stepchildren and not see them as theirs and still have a healthy relationship. Definitely possible but when the kids are young it’s harder. I wish y’all the best of luck! Remember you can’t force someone to live your children but you can keep them at a distance if it becomes a bigger issue.

I feel like, I agree that it’s rude to even include that when other children are involved. I do feel like though, that this Father’s Day would be a little different once he’s had a child of his own, He treats all your children as his own, and that’s what matters most. But do try to remember when you had your first baby, cause this is all new to him and his family, it’s exciting. They didn’t get to have the same experience even though the other too are there now.

My ex’s mom said my first mothers day didnt count cuz my son was born in april and I was “only a mom for a month”
Shes not even a part of my kids lives now that they are 13 and 15. It’s their loss but I’m glad I saw her true colors early on

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I would speak my opinion .My step kids are grown.They are mine! So are the grandkids!

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No. That isn’t ok in any way shape or form and could cause alot of emotional issues with his children - because they’re all his whether bio or no. I think you need to sit down and talk with him first about how it affects you when she says crap like that and get him to see how damaging that kind of attitude can be to your family then approach her as a unit and set down some firm rules. My oldest is not bio dad to our son but he is definitely his dad in all ways and is treated and accepted like the other kids by all family members. She either needs to get over herself or stay away - that’s really crappy.

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I feel like I get what she means as far as the Father’s Day thing because I assume these kids have a biological father who is involved? If not then no it’s not HIS first real Father’s Day. I think it’s gross she wants to exclude them on things though because they aren’t biological. 

Absolutely sick and you are not over reacting

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Tell her crawl under a rock

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So these are step kids from a previous relationship? Or they are your kids? Either way a dad is a dad wether bonus biological or just someone who’s helped step up. For years and is till do always celebrate my best friends husband because he was the first “dad” figure my daughter had and my kiddos all look up to him he does so much for my little babies that makes him an extra dad in our book. The step kids count. The extra kids count.

This is a common thing. You and your husband need to find a way to be on the same page. Yeah. To tell you the truth it is his first Father’s Day. But being a dad is so much different. I’m gonna says something. And if you don’t hear it it’s on you. Being a dad or a mom. Is so much different then being a father or a mother. Step family doesn’t always accept children :100:. Sorry but people
Suck. It takes a pure person to move beyond that. And there just aren’t that many left. What you and your husband need to talk about, is that all of your children need to be treated equally. Yeah they were being asses for saying “first” Father’s Day. You can’t control how others feel or act. Don’t bat an eye at it. Let him celebrate it. Surely you remember your first Mother’s Day, As a mom. It’s just so difficult to blend families. Me and my six (2 r mine) kids celebrate it as it is. I am their step parent. I get called by my first name, I am not their mother, I am their parent. The only thing that matters in this situation is that the children are well rounded. Your hurt feelings should never effect the kids. If they question it. Explain it. Honestly.

It wouldn’t sit well with me either I just think they have issues and they are horrible people to say something like that because kids are innocent , and that’s a monster inlaw for you, say something because that’s cruel

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Don’t tolerate it and your husband shouldn’t either. The kids are most important and anyone who doesn’t do or say what is best for them doesn’t belong in their life. If your kids are his kids and there are no steps in your home then anyone who doesn’t support that can go. We spent 9 years tolerating this behavior and after years of begging, discussions, etc. It all finally came to a head and 2 or our kids were emotionally hurt by family who can’t see past blood. We both regret not ending it all sooner.

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You your husband and the children are the only ones who have opinions on this topic that matter! Don’t let anyone tell you different. Family can be toxic in many different ways and you shouldn’t allow them to change your views/opinions if you and your husband and children feel the same way :purple_heart:.

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No you are not wrong for being upset. Step kids are still your kids just not biological kids. It’s called Father’s Day not Biological Father’s Day. If he helps raise them then biological or not he is a father to them.

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If he’s accepted his step children as his children then they’re his children not step

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And I for one I would be really upset like if you can’t accept all my kids you get none

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My husband came in our lives which I already had 2 kids from previously relationship and marriage. He accepted my 2 kids as his own. His mom accepted my kids as her own grandkids. She even told my kids what to call her is Grandma Doti. My kids love it! Plus she was very sick at the moment with cancer. She had good moments with my kids and I dearly wish she is here to see more grandkids we have now. Also see my daughter has her own baby now. Those days holidays and mother/father’s day meaning for bonus, biological, step, adopted, foster came in to love any children and include them no matter what. Like I know one of the family of my husband doesn’t really accept me and my children. She didn’t want us have kids together, didn’t want us get married at all, want him to find a girl with no kids or go back to his first girlfriend from high school. She already have 3 kids from her 3 previously relationships. He refused to listen to this person and keep going. We did actually shut her out completely til grandpa sent the letter he wanted to see us before he leave due of cancer. After that, we stay away and make it very rare to be around her.

He needs to tell his mom. He has x amount of kids. His step children are his children too.

I’m lucky my mom in law has always treated mine, like her own. But they were it, for 3 years . When we had a baby

You can’t teach ignorance ignore her

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She’d see none of them then…

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I have step grandchildren and I considered them ALL as my grandchildren. They all are love the same as real grandkids!! I don’t believe you’re overreacting. Your husband needs to set the record straight with his mother that his step kids are his and part of the family

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F**k her. They count in every way possible. Don’t let her get to you.

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I would tell her in “our home” the steps are outside the door!i have several steps but I treat them just like all the rest and do not say steps

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While I understand the hurt you feel, but she is semi not wrong. It’s his first official Father’s Day as a person whom has fathered a child biologically. And I’m sure she is happy to celebrate that with him, as well. But at the same time she should just keep her mouth shut.

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The only person that really counts is your husband. If he accepts them as his children, what his mother thinks is unimportant. Tune her out and continue to be this beautiful blended family. MILs can be the bane your existence if you allow their opinion to matter too much. Don’t give her the privilege of being that important.

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He’s not close to his mother I bet.

Sounds like she’s a twat waffle

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I had 4 kids with my ex-husband then another after we split. My new husband’s family have accepted my other kids. Hell my EX in laws even accept the last child as their grandchild when there’s absolutely no obligation for them to do so.

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Oh hell nah! You don’t treat children like that. They’re dismissing the children’s feeling especially if they look to him as their dad. As someone who was adopted at 8 by the man who was with my mom since I was 3 months old I was never treated differently by my dads parents or his siblings. I was their granddaughter and niece. That is all. I remember when I told my older cousin (he was 16-17) at the time (when I decided I wanted to be adopted) that I was finally gonna be an official Fischer he told me I never would be one. It hurt for years. So I can’t imagine what those kids (if they heard) are feeling. It pisses me off and hurts my feelings for them. I would go tf off, Katy bar the door, you have about .03 sec to get right with whatever God(s) you pray to pissed. A dad is a dad, genes don’t mean shit.

They aren’t his real kids. He can be a father figure in your kids eyes, but they’ll never be his blood. If y’all split I bet you’d change your opinion in a heartbeat.

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Sounds like a good man.Don’t let her have the privilege of being their grandmother.Blood has nothing to do with it.

Any family who treated any of my kids differently wouldnt be around any of them.
Point blank.
Kids notice those things.
You should ask your husband if hes okay with how the kids will feel seeing that.
If hes not, HE should say something.
If they dont come around after that, tell them you none of the children will be coming around.
Tell him but
Leave this to him.
Let him show you and your kids if he cares to make them feel accepted and loved in his own family.

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Same boat love! My MIL is cut from my babies. A lot to my story as well ,

but my mil acts the same towards my daughter. But loves our son we have together way more and claims him!!

told me and my husband last year she can’t get close to our daughter bc of his previous gf kid!
Now Granted me and my husband have been together for 9 years!!! 9! And he was with her for only a short few months! We cut all ties to her! He told her if he can’t accept both our kids equally the same she can just never see them again and it’s been almost 2 years and we couldn’t be happier. He needs to stick up for you and ur kids! All of them not just one

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Well technically it is his 1st father’s day biologically. Not what they are saying but how do they treat the children is what really matters.

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As the child who didn’t count, who didn’t get Christmas or bday presents, or hugs or phones calls… Please keep this energy. It’s either all or none.

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Ask him if he feels it’s his first
IF he feels hurt by the family
I suggest you plan your family events with him and all the children
If the family has a problem with it
It’s their loss this has got to be hurting the other children
And there is never a reason to hurt a child

This is heartbreaking. Our kids are our kids; I don’t care who birthed them and if you don’t feel the same way, you aren’t welcome in my home. I have 5 boys; good luck picking out my bonus son. The fact that she says they don’t count is just ridiculous and hurtful. Yes, I get it, there’s nothing like having your own child that is made from your own genes; HOWEVER, and I STRESS HOWEVER, a child’s love is something far more amazing than most will ever know and it is something that should be cherished and she will be the one that misses out. You are those kids voices; so next time you get a chance, don’t wait for anyone to say anything; (do not do this in front of the kids) but flat out ask her, “Why don’t those children count? He stepped up and stepped in and he is their bonus dad. Why don’t they matter?” Hold her responsible (in a tactful way) for her childish behavior. Remind her that you don’t use the word “step” in your family and ask her to respect those boundaries. There is absolutely nothing wrong with standing up for your kids and holding people accountable for shitty things that they say.

They are wrong for this. Yes it’s his first year with his biological child, but he’s been a dad for years before that. If they can’t include his other children, they shouldn’t be included in the other children. Treat em all like family or don’t speak to them.

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Cant teach an old dog new tricks …just let her old ignorance ass be and move forward building your family as you choose …not worth the headache :100:

Sounds like my old mother in law. Toxic as hell.

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Speak you mind , and isolate her over this. Don’t let her corrupt your household

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This is a discussion your husband needs to have with his mother. He needs to explain that her comments are hurtful and if she doesn’t stop, she will not be included in your lives. It seems harsh but you’re protecting those children from those heartless comments.
I was/am the step kid. Those type of comments scar.

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Stupid people label kid, stop ignore her. She only has a voice if You allow her one.

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HE needs to put HER in her place. Not you- HIM

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Nah kids are kids, step, adopted, biological, whatever. That’s weird.

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I’m so thankful for my husbands family except for 1 my MIL introduces my son that’s 29 but has disabilities as my daughter n law and my grandson his sister does the same says my SIL and nephew and our other SIL does the same but there’s one that says my BIL and my name
We been together 15 years . She’s only been in the family 14 years maybe 13

You’re MIL has no respect I wouldn’t let her see the kids and I would have you’re husband say something

my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. I have 3 children from my previous marriage. he is the only dad my youngest knows his family total accepts the the hes is dad to all them and is parents are grandma and grandpa. there is no reason for your mother in law to be that way its horrible. most of my uncles and aunts are half or step but we are all family we dont see a difference. I hope you both continue to be in those childrens lives. I think something should be said to the MIL. not a fight but sje needs to understand how you two feel about the kids and that it is unacceptable for her to treat them that way. and if she cant change then I wouldnt be around her

Nah, he needs to put a stop to her and the rest of his family saying that. Especially If she’s saying it in front of your other children. That’ll leave some emotional damage. Words hurt.

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She is incorrect. Your husband should correct her!! Sounds like a great guy!! Not all partners treat step kids like their own. U r lucky for that. Continue with ur HAPPY family and disregard her nastiness!!!

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How mean of her. That is hurtful :broken_heart:… tell her this AND you won’t tolerate bullying

Explain it a way your husband could understand.

Ex. "God forbid we ever divorced or I passed away and you married again, how would you feel if after a few years the new wife’s mom said your child isn’t her daughters kid, and it doesn’t make her a mom, even though y’all are raising them together and treating them as family?

It’s up to him to step up and say something. And his mom and family may not change their views, but you two can decide how much time you want to spend around them or ask them not to make remarks like that in front of the kids.

My daughter’s mother in law never bought gifts for my daughter’s children only for her biological grandchildren. I know it hurt their feelings especially because I bought gifts for her husband’s children and treated them just like my own. But you can’t change how people feel or act unfortunately.

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They are part of the family regardless, so she’s wrong!

They’re wrong. My brother has a little girl, who TECHNICALLY is step, but my brother has raised her almost her whole life. She’s 5, my son’s 3. I gave my parents their first “bio” grandkid but she will ALWAYS be their first grandbaby. Speak up, and don’t let stuff like that become a habit because your babies will notice later on in life.

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She is out in left field. Stepkids are just as much family as biological kids. It became that way when 2 parents decided to marry.

It’s his responsibility to correct his mother and stand behind you and all of his kids.

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Your husband needs to put his mom in her place, there is no step in my family either

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To me, my own opinion, if a man raises a child, he is the Father.

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Is this the only thing that family has done? How do they treat the kids otherwise. I would say let it go. I’m sorry but I had step kids and I treated them like my own but as much as everyone wants to be inclusive and pretend it’s not the same. Other peoples kids will never feel the same as your own so they are excited for your husband he’s a father for real with his own baby. Just let that family be who they are and let them celebrate how they want. You can’t force everyone to play pretend with you.

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Tell her to except it or ship it out takes all or none and ur husband is wrong for not telling her otherwise

Tell her to mind her own business.

Nope tell that old hag off before your other kids are left out of the matching Christmas PJ’s…

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My sons sperm donor has never been in the picture. My daughters father raised him since a year & a half & he’s about to be 8. His family has never seen him as a “step kid.” It’s always been his kid, their grandchild, their nephew, their cousin. I would be upset if I was you.

No you’re not. It’s not up to mil. She doesn’t get to decide.

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I am so sorry :cry: honestly they don’t need to be around any of your children they do not need to separate the difference … my grandma met my grandma when she had two toddlers my aunt and my
Mom and they got married he adopted them and they had another child … I didn’t know he wasn’t my bio grandpa until I got pregnant myself and my grandma had told me … I never knew no one in our town knew cause to him they were his kids all of them … now myself just got married to a man who has no kids and I have 4 and seriously since day one of us not even officially dating my kids were his kids he randomly was just like I have 4 daughters people didn’t even know they weren’t his but they ask questions since my youngest is mixed with black but he just tells them he can make any race he wants all I gotta do is tell him which I want and he gives lol luckily I got the amazing in laws who saw my children as his and immediately called them his children and their family … I’m so sorry you have to go through this if it was me I’d stand up for myself and say if you can’t treat them all the same then you don’t need fo be involved with any of them … and your husband should be putting them into place too those are his children it is a big deal I’d be upset af and I know my husband would put everyone in place as well as it would upset him to even if I accidentally say my kids he will correct me and say our kids

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I don’t understand why adults would want to make a child feel unwanted! Wtf is wrong with her? And I wouldn’t be waiting for my husband to say shit to her because I would of gave her an ear full on what just what I thought of her rude ass! Keep your babies away from people like her! She would either treat them all the same or wouldn’t be allowed to have anything to do with any of my children!

My husbands family is the same way with my daughter.
He came in her life when she was three months old and is the ONLY person she knows as daddy.
His family treated her just fine until we had our two boys and now the game has flipped and she doesn’t exist.
So… they don’t see ANY of our children now.
There is no step in this family, just love :heart:

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Bull crap biological or not those are my kid’s period hands down mine I raised them taught them and love them everyday of their life and mine so yes I’m DAD

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The thing is… it’s not up to her. If he considers them his, they are his. He should stand up for them.

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You have a husband problem.

He needs to set them straight or distance your family from them.

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Your MIL is so Rude and mean, I think her childhood must have been horrible. To say anything like that about Children NO MATTER who the sperm or egg came from. Raised with love and care Children are our future. She should be ashamed of herself. Keep your beautiful loving family close there are people willing to rip it apart for their own self pity.

Your Over reacting
It’s a blessing your husband made the choice to step up and I hope his family expects that buts it is his first bio Father’s day and you shouldn’t throw shade on his day especially when he stepped up to the plate for your bio kids.

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So I’m confused. Are the “step” kids your kids from a previous relationship or his ex’s? Technically it is his 1st Fathers Day but we celebrate Fathers Day with my BF because he’s my son’s Bonus Dad.

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Set your boundaries with his family. Inform them that your kids are also his kids and there are no “steps” in your family

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I am kind of confused as to why he didn’t say something about it in the first place. How does he honestly feel?🥴

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Tell him to say something!! and if they do not apologize and correct themselves, then dont include them in your lives.
Its how my in-laws are. my husband and I have been together for 9 years. They had big get togethers for holidays and birthdays, but me and my children were not allowed to go and were never invited. My husband spoke to them about it and told them they were wrong for what they were doing. so the next holiday that came up, they invited just me and my hunny and his kids, but not mine. I blew up and told him I do not want to hear about any holiday get togethers or birthday parties they are having. We do our own thing now, and we dont invite them.

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Might I say for say you have class and you’re right there’s no such thing as step children and just because his relationship with the mother ended does not mean his relationship with those kids who saw him as a father figure should end that’s what messes up kids so much in this world no consistencies in their lives stand by your guns honey you’re doing the right thing and yes I think you need to break it down to your husband at these children should not have to suffer any negativity and their lives just because the parents are not together anymore you sound like you’re going to be an excellent mama

Your MIL is a good for nothin B. I hope your husband is smarter than his mother. And when it’s the “step” kid’s birthdays or event don’t invite her and if your husband gets upset or she gets upset, ask them why does it matter since they aren’t biologically theirs?! Ugh I’m sorry you’re dealing with such ugliness

If he’s not their dad in her eyes then she’s not their grandma. Cut her tf out COMPLETELY. That includes from her “real grand baby’s” life too :nail_care:t3:

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Mil is a jerk just don’t listen to her easy peasy.

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