So My MIL swears I’m keeping my seven-month-old away from her on purpose, the problem is that she’s an essential worker and I don’t want to have my son around that, but now I’m the bad guy, and it goes back much further than that E.I: I specifically told My husband I didn’t want her in the hospital AT ALL after I gave birth because that was a very private moment for me and it was embarrassing he brought her in any way, fast forward to now as I stated I’m the bad guy because I’m not willing to risk my sons health. So any advice would be appreciated.
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Stick to your guns, she’s not the parent of your child.
She’ll get over it.
Maybe video chats for now, some sort of contact til this pandemic is over.
Stop re-explaining yourself to her. You don’t have to.
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Your mama stand your ground! Hopefully hubby respects your wishes and doesn’t sneak visits.
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Wasn’t this just posted a day or two ago?
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Pretty sure it’s your husbands kid too and he can allow whoever he wants to see that baby… I have never understood why women think they make all the rules when it comes to children, especially when the children have two involved parents.
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Just think of the child’s memories for his grandmother, who knows when people will be taken from our earth.
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Not wanting her in the room when you delivered is understandable. But, not wanting her at the hospital at all is another. That’s mean. I’m a grandmother and had they told me that I would have went anyway as well. It’s a special moment for grandparents too. As far as you not wanting your son around her right now I completely agree my daughter is a front line worker and it’s scary. They can have no symptoms and still spread it. Don’t back down. It’s your responsibility to keep your baby safe.
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Just simply let your nurse know you dont want visitors at that moments just for your baby own sakes safety due to cov19…and at hospital they probably not letting all visit like usual so this might had changed everything…I’m in same boat with all my 4 NO VISITORS till I get home with baby then yes…but not at hospital no lol
Honestly, I’d be furious with my husband. It is his child, too, and her family, but during your birth and recovery your wishes take precedence. As for parenting decisions, it sounds like he just hangs you out to dry to his mom, which isn’t impressive. It is your right to decide who does and doesn’t see your child, for whatever reason you see fit. She should especially understand if she’s an essential worker because she knows the risk she’s at, and it is selfish of her to think that time with him is more important than his health.
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Why are y’all posting the same things over and over again?
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So basically, the grandma wasn’t allowed to even be in the hospital when the baby was born. And COVID has been here since the first of the year pretty much. So, your baby doesn’t even know his grandma??? That’s pretty freaking sad. I see why hubby went against you. That’s called grandparent alienation. And in some states, illegal. She could actually take you to court for grandparent rights if it gets too bad.
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You should not risk the childs health obviously, but your relationship with your mother in law is quite important, especially if he is close to his mother. I would advise you to think about her position a little more.
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As long as she takes a shower after work and wears a mask I don’t see a problem with her seeing ur baby
Childbirth
With the new Covid 19 restrictions who’s allowed to be with the mother during childbirth?
Expectant mothers are allowed one (1) designated support person that is healthy.
Is my midwife allowed and my husband?
Whether you have a doctor or a midwife, he or she is your health care provider and you are still allowed your 1 designated support person.
Please note: Doulas will not be permitted in the hospital unless chosen as the designated support person by the patient.
Would my mom and my husband be allowed to switch back and forth as my designated support person?
You are allowed 1 designated support person for your entire hospital stay with no switching out. No other visitors will be permitted into the hospital. We also ask that you please plan ahead and bring everything to the hospital that the both of you will need for your entire stay to reduce the amount of times people come back and forth through the hospital.
What happens if my designated support person is sick/fails the screening?
They will not be permitted in the hospital. They will need to stay home and a healthy individual may be your support person.
What happens if I’m sick?
You will be cared for in isolation in the hospital.
Am I required to wear a mask while giving birth?
Yes. All staff, patients, and designated caregivers are now required to wear a mask while in hospital. If you are unable to keep your mask on while giving birth, your care team will need to apply additional personal protective equipment.
I would have been angry too. I don’t want to have people visiting me and baby at the hospital and only family and God parents of bub will be allowed to come see me and baby after we get home and we have settled down. Mt partner is respectful of my wishes and he has told people that upsetting me or bub will default to no contact to us until they prove themselves trustworthy again. Your husband should have been firm with his mother and tell her to wait until you and baby were home and settled. Everyone commenting “but she’s family. She’s the grandmother”. Yeah well she didn’t just push out a baby and bleeding and have a whole ton of emotions going through her body and head. I’m finding my pregnancy to be very emotional so I’m expecting birth and post natal to be equal or even more emotional. That MIL obviously didn’t care about the mother’s mental health. Only her own wants to see the baby before anyone else.
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This was literally copy and pasted from another mom group and the girl who posted it wasn’t anonymous either and it was about a few weeks ago 
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Mother outlaw (that’s what they are - I have one of those myself) needs to learn her place. If she’s an essential worker, she’s putting that baby at risk. She should not be ANYWHERE near that baby. This is what Zoom and FaceTime are for.
As far as your husband goes, I have one just like him. He allowed his mom in the room with me and shot my blood pressure up. Mama’s boys do that. You should’ve laid down the law and he should’ve backed you up. Tell him he either falls in line and respects your wishes or don’t let the door hit his ass on the way out.
Be kind! Have a heart!
First babies we are so protective. The first time i had a baby sitter i was a mess the whole time i was gone. I can understand your fears. Its a health problem not a hate problem. Im 70 and my Grand daughter is having a child in July and i feel i shouldnt be near the baby and she will be my 5th Great Grandchild. I still stay home alot. I only go out to shop for food early, post office. I do feel its their decision. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions. If the reason is to protect the child from a lethal virus. I believe that is the rig ht of the parent to decide how to handle this. There are some good suggestions on the comments. Im sure you can come up with something between the 2 of you. Hang in there be strong.
Maybe do some FaceTime
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I would be afraid too but my husband is considered essential as well so kind of a hard spot to be in. At the end of the day. He is your baby.
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Sit down and have a heart to heart with her an explain your feelings. She might get pissy. If she does, try to remain calm and hear her out (given that shes mature enough to do the same and listen to you) and if she keeps throwing a tantrum fuck her. You grew that baby, you’re raising that baby, shes not “vital” . If she doesn’t understand it’s for the little ones safety, she doesn’t need around her afterwards either 
. Sit and have the same conversation with your husband as well and if he agrees with you, maybe have him explain it to her
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That’s pretty selfish to not allow her to see her grandchild at the hospital. And I’m glad she came anyway. Giving birth isn’t just about you, it’s also bringing a new life in to the family. You chose that man an you get his family right along with it. If she’s no danger to the baby, there’s no reason to deprive her of her time. I can understand keeping distance with this COVID-19 right now because it’s about the health and we’ll being of the baby. I just hope you video chat with her and send her loads of pictures and videos of the baby so she can still feel involved. But when the coast is clear, send that baby to get some Grandma love!! They both need it.
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You and your husbands primary responsibility is to keep baby safe. You set the boundaries and others need to respect them. It’s all about safety. I suggest you and your husband approach her as a team. It would be selfish if she continued to push the issue.
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I didn’t have anyone at the hospital but my husband. It was our time. I was tired and we were learning all about our new baby. Stand your ground mama. Many forget that it is your child and they become greedy. I do video chat with my MIL but if you feel as if your being pushed over, voice it. It is your job to keep baby safe, no one else’s.
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But you ARE keeping him away on purpose. That purpose is to keep him SAFE! We did the same thing with our kids. Don’t care who got mad!
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Your real problem here is your hsuband bot respecting your wishes. He should not be allowing his mom to blame you and he should have supported you in the hospital
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Who’s body did that baby come out of? You do what you feel is right. COVID is real. As for not allowing her at the hospital that was your right and don’t let anyone tell you different. That’s your intimate moment and I’m sorry your wishes weren’t respected . You do what YOU feel is best Sugar 
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I would try face time but also let her know exactly why you don’t feel comfortable having an in person visit. The hospital thing your husband should’ve respected your wishes because when giving birth mom needs to be as calm and not stressed out as possible to have a very healthy birth. But I’d put that aside as it happened it’s over with.
Communication is the key
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I’m sure she meant her mil being in there as she was giving birth. Yes it is embarrassing, why does everyone need to watch my baby exit MY vagina Anyway, the health and safety of your 7 mo is more important than hurting anyone’s feelings. Hopefully soon all this BS will pass and gram gram will be able to all the baby lovins when that time comes. FaceTime and photos should be enough. Shit tell her to put a mask on and meet y’all at the screen door if it’s that serious…Otherwise if y’all come to some type of compromise gram better wash up and come visit on a day she hasn’t been working with people.
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Sounds like you have a husband problem. He needs to learn to support you. That should’ve been established 7 months ago when he deliberately ignored your wishes when you were in a vulnerable state. He can, of course, disagree with you. But it should be done in private. He should always present a united front to his family- and you should do the same.
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Your baby, your decision.
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With my 2nd baby both my husband and I agreed that we want to be alone during/after the birth. Its our preference and its not selfish to have that time considering you just pushed a whole human out. I don’t like how your husband complrtely ignored your wishes, thats a whole seperate issue you need to discuss with him maturely and calmly… and With the visitation issue, she needs to learn to understand why you want distance. Maybe have her disinfect and wear a mask + stay 6ft apart and have a visit that way. But if she’s not willing to comply, then she’ll be the one stopping herself from seeing YOUR child.
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Youre not gonna make everyone happy. Get used to that now lol😉
You either gotta get over that shes gonna be mad🤷🏼♀️ or get over that she could expose the baby🥴. Those are your two options… they both suck. Pick which ever satisfies your needs the best✌🏼
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Boundaries! It is all about boundaries! You have the right to set your boundaries with your MIL, she needs to respect those boundaries whether she likes it or not she can never change the fact that you will always be the mother of her grandchild. Demand that respect now from your MIL or it will only get worse. Obviously your husband has issues with your boundaries as well. How would he like it if your mother came in when he was having a vasectomy. No difference. You should demand HISrespect as well! Without respect you need to be concerned about your relationship.
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As long as the rules apply to all and just not her I would say you are fine.But if you allow others around but not her,I can see where it could hurt her feelings.
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My youngest is going to be 8 months next week. And we doing hardly go anywhere or see anyone. She doesnt go into no stores(her dad and I choice to do this) due to her being in hospital at 2 months old for rsv. Especially now, with the virus and other sickness going around, dont blame for keeping the child home, my preference. I only have immediate family see my kids, especially the last few months.
Screw that shits real. Tell her too bad.
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Your child, your choice. Your husband needs to step up and back your decision. Your mil will accept it better coming from her son. Good luck. 
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Even if you were keeping the kid from her for other reasons, your the mom, you have that right. Point blank period… let her think what she wants, not your problem if she wants to make herself miserable over it 
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Just tell her straight up. Thats what we did on my MIL, she works as a nurse, Theyll understand. If not, Oh well goodbye MIL
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Problem with your husband not her.
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Are you keeping your baby away from everyone, equally, at this time? Was nobody allowed at the hospital? If the rules are the same for everyone, that’s one thing. But if MIL has been excluded disproportionately, that’s different. I mean, it’s easy to say: “it’s your baby, period.” But it’s not. Its “yours and your husband’s baby”. Like I said, if everyone has the same rules, then theres no reason for her to take it personally. But if you have a bias against her and use these things as excuses to keep her away, then it IS personal and unfair. Those are questions only you can answer.
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Your baby is just as much as his baby. If you allowed any of your family there then it was only fair for his. He wanted his mom to meet her brand new grandbaby. I didn’t allow anyone to come see us until the following day except my mom who was there for my sons birth, but had my mother in law been there she would have been welcome too. I 100% agree on the covid though. As an essential worker I’m terrified every day of bringing it home to my family. I can see why they feel that way though.
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Life’s too short to be pissed at a grandma for wanting more time with their grandchild. Yes, I’ll be that person to say it. My own mother hasn’t seen or talked to my children in 4 years. She hasn’t even met my newest. I welcome my MIL, I give her every second she wants with my children. She loves my girls and I love her for it. She flew here a couple weeks ago, during the pandemic, and I welcomed it. Call me crazy. 
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I was mad that my sons grandma wasnt at the hospital…that was 12 years ago and it still bugs me. I can understand not wanting your baby around her with covid…but send her pictures
As long as the rules apply to all family… if you are going to social distance go all out. I can’t believe we are not over this already. Living in fear constantly is not living a life. And I’m sure your child misses their family. This is just down right ridiculous.
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Pregnancy and birth is not about anyone except mother, baby and her partner. Its not a spectator event. It’s not selfish at all to restrict visitors. It’s a crucial healing and bonding period. There is plenty of time for family to love and bond with baby later. But those first few days are for resting, bonding, and healing in privacy. I didn’t allow any visitors for at least 3 days After giving birth with all four of mine and I am so glad I did it that way. Visitors are intrusive and drain energy even if they have good intentions. Some people understand and other are butt hurt but that’s their problem. The sense of entitlement that surrounds a woman giving birth is super annoying.
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It’s your husband. She isn’t going to respect anything YOU say when he shows her she doesn’t have to.
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I would just say when all this coronavirus is over u can see him. Maybe take pictures and post what u like but maybe send it to her over text make her included dont have to be all the time but maybe send a small message just saying hi or heres a smile for u to brighten your day small stuff means alot also.
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She should understand ESPECIALLY with her being an Essincial Worker. Ik she may be hurt but needs to put the baby before herself. Maybe video chat with her so he can see her and hear her voice
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Do you let others around him? Like your family? Understandable to an extent since she’s an essential worker but that needs to apply to all family relatives (including yours)! Send pictures, let them FaceTime. If you do not want to do that, then let the FATHER do it. The child is his as well.
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OWN IT!..say yes you are keeping her away, for good reasons, if she is in denial of the risks then u should really stay away from her. Your baby hasn’t even gotten all their vaccines
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Your pregnancy, your birthing process, your baby. YOU decide…tell hubby back you up or keep quiet if he can’t but NEVER overstep your boundaries. MIL does not come before you. AND…nobody has any right to “baby time” except you and your husband. Keep your baby safe. Text pictures, offer face time or window visits with her wearing mask but no in person visits. If your baby gets sick you will regret not standing your ground. A few hurt feelings are worth baby and your safety.
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Really any job at this time is essential. Does your husband or yourself work? Does she work at a facility where she has a higher exposure to covid? Has the baby gone to any stores or around other people or family?
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Lol at risk for a dramatic illness?? I mean educate yourself and google ways to prevent it, its the same thing as anything. Wash hands, sneeze/cough in elbows, i mean unless you all are nasty and dont take proper and common sense cleaning precautions your child will be fine.
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I always try to point out that MIL doesn’t want your husband, she wants her son. And grandma doesn’t want your baby, she just wants her grandchild. My girls are older so I can definitely see that the more people you have in your life to love your child, the better. Especially a grandparent. I can’t imagine our lives without my kids’ grandparents. Not only do they love the shit out of my girls, but they have helped me tremendously! It’s a win-win!
*I have always had a good relationship with my in-laws. But I have also allowed them to be involved in everything they wanted to be.
And I totally get the essential worker thing. I would explain that is why you are keeping to yourselves, and the rules apply to everyone, not just singling her out.
God speed you beautiful woman so many of us understand trust:(
Theres no win with any in-laws. 
Not my advise but advise for my mothers group organiser /teacher for new borns and parenting “sometime you need to get your partner to communicate with his family cause they just take it differently from there own children”
If u find anything that works share with us all.
Xx
Im fighting a losing battle myself and its all because both me and my partner didnt want to raise our child doing xmas presents as we wanted it to be about quality time not items and things … well thats gone down “great” and guess who got the blame … nope nothing on my partner … all me, bad guy right here.
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You are ridiculous grow the f up! It is the baby’s grandmother whether you like it or not! Stop being a selfish c u next Tuesday 
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The fact that either him or her stepped over the line you drew theVERY.FIRST.TIME. is unsettling. I didn’t take hospital visits at all during my stay. Anyone at all who felt the need to push me was met with heavy resistance. Stand your ground on your rules for your kid. It’s hard sometimes with grandparents to make them aware your now the parent.
One day you will be your son’s wife’s MIL and then you will understand why she wants to be involved
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I would be mad at the husband for going against my wishes at such a special private time … hope hes fighting your corner now ? Explaining your reasons for wanting to keep your family safe. You can facetime … and send lots of pics to make her feel included.
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Sounds like there’s more to it than what you’re saying. So asking advice without the whole story is hard and it’s super one sided
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Yuhr bby yuhr choice
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I understand that.that baby came out of you if she don’t understand that then she is not right at all.if she don’t understand that the little one might come down sick and u are looking out for your baby.
I have a similar relationship with my mother in law. I did not want to allow anyone at the hospital while and after I gave birth and she showed up anyways. I thought I’d be nice and allow her to come in before I gave birth (mistake) and she told me I didn’t tell anyone you were in labor (like I asked) except my sisters. This pissed me off beyond belief and it was not 30 minutes before I started pushing. Now with this pregnancy I know better and she will in no way be allowed to come to the hospital.
Hold your ground, if she can’t see that it’s for baby’s protection that’s on her. I can’t imagine being a gma and being so selfish knowing I’m an essential worker.
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I totally understand the health thing, but appreciate your mother-in-law. Not sure of y’all’s relationship but mine was my second mother and I miss her every day.
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Following: same here
Your baby YOUR RULES! , been down this road with my mother in law still going down this road my mother in law came to the hospital and my dr had to kick her out cause he was checking to see how far dilated I was, she came and took pictures of my son and everyone else except for me, but stand your ground and be firm with what you want to do with your child, she raised hers this is yours, your husband will soon understand It took mine a good year or so to finally stick up and tell his mother how it was going to be
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As an essential worker myself I have abstained from being around any children but my own, especially a newborn. She is being selfish period.
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Never doubt yourself, A mother knows best when it comes to her kids. If she can’t respect it and can’t see it’s the best in the long run for her grandchild then that’s sad. God forbid your little one ends up with this virus and trust me you would rather be in this position then have your kid in the hospital without you being able to see him.
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Well you are keeping the baby from her but for good reason. Just let her know it’s not personal and it’s about the exposure .
Your child, your rules, end of story. Don’t ever let someone guilt trip you into compromising your children.
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This covid stuff is stupid anyway and family is family,the baby only stays little once so let her see it regardless of the covid stuff it’s all stupid anyway.
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Your keeping your baby safe nothing wrong with that its scary times right now she should know better then anyone that a newborn baby imunity isnt good and its extremely risky bring a baby around someone who works around sick people all day hold your ground girl your doin the right thing
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Stand your ground, your child, your rules. I had one that consistently interfered and still does even though my son is grown. She always was stepping over the line and thought she is right and throws a fit when she doesn’t get her way.
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Honestly, screw her. Your doing what’s best for your baby! Your the momma and if she doesn’t like it she can kick rocks. If she wants to see the baby that bad she can FaceTime
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Your mother in law sounds like an ass for sure but what’s up with your husband? Can he stand up straight without a spine?
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Due social distancing
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I Am not typically one to state “my rules my kids” when it come to grandparents… in fact, that entire mentality makes me want to puke. BUT, you are 
right! And do not let anyone tell you otherwise!!!
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Your child, your rules 🤷 I don’t let my children visit their grandma right now because she’s a nurse with Covid positive patients. Even though she’s tested negative and uses PPE I just can’t risk it going either way. If my kids were exposed somewhere else or from me being exposed at the store and we didn’t know then gave it to her who then took it to work would be awful. And with her being exposed if we were to get it, not know and expose a ton of other people. Its just safe being that none of us know much about this. Everyone has an opinion but the unfortunate truth is no one knows for sure yet.
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I’m so tired of selfish mother in laws and mothers 
I’m sorry…I’m all for family and children growing up with extended family and lots of love but here’s where I stand- it’s YOUR child, YOU get to choose what’s best for YOUR child and YOUR family this whole sense of entitlement because it’s “ a mother in law” or “ your own mother” no explanation should even be needed and you shouldn’t ever feel like she or anyone else is superior to you! I’m a mom of 4 and soon to be 5, the dynamic can be toxic. My husband and I raise our family, make the decisions for our children…if family doesn’t like it- so be it. I don’t mean to sound harsh or snarky. The woman to woman stuff is stressful ( mother in laws n moms) I feel like it never goes anywhere good- atleast for me anyways
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Don’t be pushed, but you may be able to try a safe alternative, like her seeing him through a sliding glass door, or FaceTime. If you try to find a safe alternative, they have no grounds to call you the bad guy. Just don’t choose that they have to wear masks. People who don’t want to frequently and conveniently have them sliding down their face.
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What does your husband say? You’re a team if you can’t figure this out with him then why are you with him in the first place?
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Totally understandable. A lot of grandparents are not even meeting their grandchildren because of this virus. I mean come on now, if she’s making you out to be the bad guy, she is really petty. And 2nd, your husband was a real asshole doing that. I would’ve been so upset. He needs to talk to her and act like a MAN.
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If you’re gonna go to that extreme of not letting her see her own grandson, then you should at least be willing to do a live video chat with her so she can see him, and he can see her. I know it’s not at all the same as being together in person, but at least it’s something. I can understand why she’d be hurt.
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Oh wow. Grow up. That’s all.
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Ignore her and if your husband has a problem with it then he doesn’t see how deadly and dangerous this virus is
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She needs to respect your decision…her son also!
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I wouldn’t let my child around her either since she is constantly exposed to others.
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Just spend time with her and baby when ever you can, Workers only get certain days off so make and effort on her day’s off,
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There’s a virus we are in the middle of a pandemic. it’s common sense to want to keep babies and children safe. She’s being very selfish and ignorant. She’s exposing herself when ever she’s out in public to the possibility of contracting the virus. It affects children differently it inflames their heart and it can be fatal. I would suggest looking up articles on the kids who have had it and sending them to her and telling her to educate herself on how serious it can be for children and you are NOT willing to risk your childs life for anyone or anything. Sorry not sorry I’ll look like the bad guy idc my child I’m doing what it best for him/her you can sit down and build a bridge to get over what ever Ill feelings you have towards me.
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Did I read she is a nurse? If so she she honestly be ashamed of herself, being on the frontline she should know how deadly this virus is. Video chat we be the perfect way to substitute bonding time I feel.
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Ive been there with the overbearing MIL so you absolutely have to put your foot down.
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The safety of your child will and should always come before ANYONEs feelings. I understand she wants to see the baby, but its selfish of her to want to endanger him!
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see if this was just… but then you go into. Seems like you are going to use whatever… fix that. Going to be very sad if you hold this resentment… yes we are in a pandemic yes, protect your child. But, pull up them big girl panties, cause that excuse will NOT fly forever. But, you sound like you would grab whatever you could. That is sad… gonna end up losing, & possibly alone, you get through that sh!t quick. Been there, my MIL was in the room baby one, even yelled at him, for … & then her for being all up in my… so, all that aside… kids need mom & dad & family. Not a resentful mama…
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Where does your husband stand on this? His opinion is as important as yours…
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Can’t wait for all the my way or the highway mom’s become grandmother’s. I’m sure you’ll be so understanding. Baby’s health definitely comes first, but at least make an effort to show it’s about that and not you being petty. FaceTime with Grandma, send lots of pics, keep her updates with little changes. They grow so fast those early months it’s not her fault she has to miss out on those moments.
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Your only concern is your child. I wouldnt let her be near the baby either but that would go for anyone 🤷🏻