You need to get into your own place with your family!
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You said heās been home two years. Does that mean heās been in jail? Anywho. Have you had the conversation with him to even express your concerns? That should be the first step. Specially outline what bothers you and what you need him to do. Make a plan to talk to the mother in law. Then make an exit strategy to get out.
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What a horrible situation! That man needs a job and youāre sitting here taking care of him and have been for years now. Donāt you have a mother or a sister that you and the kids can move in with until you can save up for rent? There is absolutely no excuse for this kind of behavior for this man or his mother.
Some of these comments arenāt advice at all so why say anything she already knows that sheās in a tough position with someone she loves sheās trying to get helpful advice bc sheās ready to leave him. Iām sure if the shoes where on our feet you wouldnāt want degrading comments whenever you simply ask for advice. Ppl surprise me daily.
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Iām sorry your MIL is being so critical of you after working so hard all the time. She shouldnāt be criticizing you when her son is sitting there with no job. Maybe your husband needs a job too & then you can afford rent. Then he wonāt have time for those nasty habits anymore
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Whatās a normal wife?? Alsoā¦I guess youāre notā¦ Neither am I thou if thatās how weāre looking at it lol youāre the bread winner while heās a stay at home dadā¦ And why is your youngest being taken anywhere for daycare if heās not working?? And, you working every single day, honestlyā¦ You shouldnāt have to do much when you do get home from workš¤· if heās home literally all day every day. Maybe she should focus more on her son not being a ānormalā husband. I mean, Iām not personally saying anything bad about husbandās staying home while the wife works. Cause thatās how itās been in my house and it works for us. But, if sheās gonna talk like that. Then she should focus more on her son
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Why do you have daycare if heās not working?
Why isnāt he working?
How come you stay with in-laws?
Sounds like leaving is the best option, you can do this on your own, let him continue to be a deadbeat in his motherās home!
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Why isnt he working? Sounds like MIL wants her space. I would express your concerns to your husband, give him a deadline to get a job and help financially. If he doesnt have the drive to help, you know what you have to do sis.
Oh girl.
Move the heck out of there. He is probably depressed he isnāt providing currently. Men get that way.(still not a great enough excuse)
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Seek Godās will for you and your life and your children.
I promise you, if you give the whole situation to God, it will be better than you ever thought it would be.
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You sure are not a normal wife because you are doing it all. You are kicking arse.! I couldnāt think of anything more stressful that living with the in-laws. Whatās wrong with your Husband? Why canāt he work. Next time she says your not normal. Tell her thats because the child she raised is not pulling his weight. ! Access support services do what ever you can to get out if that place.
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Been there also . I took my kids to a womans shelter for all our sanity and applied for a divorce which i got. Then my money went for me and my kids, it was an uphill fight but anything worth having usually is and I thought our freedom was absolutely worth any sacrifice and i was right.
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You deserve better and you guys need your own place or leave him ā¦also your mother in hell needs to stay out of your businessā¦ Iām a mother in law to two beautiful girls and I love them with all my heart 
I treat them like my own
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Iām sorry girl but you sound like his slave . Tell him and his mom to shove it ans leave. You deserve so much better and someone whoās going to appreciate love you protect you. Please get out
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I know itās much easier said than done but I would absolutely separate bank accounts and move away from him. Take his butt for child support and he will be forced to get up and get a jobā¦move into income based housing if you can until you are up on your feet. I would say anything is better than the situation you are currently in. Iām sorry you are going through this itās not right or fair. Your husband is your husband but you donāt have to put up with his shit and his mother is always going to side with himā¦save yourself the heartache and walk away in this case the grass is probably much greener on the other side.
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Pay your sister to take care of the kids and get his ass to work. Good luck. If you are working that hard it is a big no to the weed, porn etc.
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Your relationship with her son is none of her businessā¦ he was big enough to marry you. make children then he needs to man up and tell his mother to mind her own damn business. He also needs to grown up and either decide to focus on is marriageā¦ if not then maybe it is time to consider moving on.
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Simply seems as if that cost cut for child care is straining you. Time to make a change. Send him back to work full time and you spend more time at home. Maybe the weekends off.
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Make an exit plan. Stash as much cash as you can. Cut him off finically so he doesnāt waste your money on weed and cigarettes save that money. You are very different from your MIL and that is a good thing. There plenty of us who have done it. Good luck
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This is going to be the most unpopular opinion but sounds like to me that you already have made up your mind. If youāre that done then just leave. Shelter, family, friends etc. Not sure why youāve even came for advice. You really need to talk to your husband and your MIL. Yall are grown adults. Handle the issues or leave. One thing I do have to say tho is you said you dont get a break bc you work full time and then have to care for the kids. You want a break it seems. As unfair as it is when we all decided to have kids breaks went out the window. Thatās part of being a parent. My ex and I were married for over 10 yrs. His mom is my landlord and I love next door to her. Weve had our issues over the years and my ex is an extremely close with her but shes always been there when I needed something or even my kids or mom or fiancee. I thought she hated me for most of our relationship. She didnt and the attitude that made me feel like that is just her. If you can speak to them about this just leave. Already sounds like you have 1 foot out the door.
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That is crazyā¦ unfortunately your husband loves what heās doing if he has time to sit around and smoke and
smoke weed and look at porn heās not doing enough to help out
And he is doing this around s five year old !
Sorry but I would have left way before thisā¦ He is a typical mamaās boy thereās never going to grow up I need to pack up your kids and See if you can stay with the two kids with your sister at work and save up to go out on your own because heās not gonna do nothing and you wonāt get nothing itās just something to think about
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Hes a momma boy; youāll always be wrong move away now.
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Been there. I get it is a lot tougher financially than what people know to just goā¦but I personally got to the point I would rather live in a box with my kids than be with my ex. Take a picture of your husbandā¦cut out the face and put your kids face in there and ask yourselfā¦is this what my children will become if I donāt do something. Why is he not working?
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Move. Plain and simple, move. You will make it, have faith in yourself and relay on those that will help. He will never grow up.
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Didnāt say why the husband isnāt working so you can get your own place
If it was me Iād run and file fast as I can get custody papers and go to child support if nothing is wrong with him and the judge wonāt care he will pay child support.
Honestly I wouldnāt give up on your marriage , the main problem is yāall need Iāll own apartment of house so that yāall can have more time away from the mom sit down tell him how you feel see what he said maybe he willing to work on it marriage is had at times but there good in it as well.
I have been there. Reach out to any family you have for a place to stay until you get on your feet. Then, talk to a lawyer. Find out your rights in your state. Then take your kids and leave. The day you leave, take every possession you value with you. Because you wonāt be allowed to get it later. Small things I would start sneaking out now. Maybe to ādown sizeā or you ājust donāt need itā. File for at least legal separation and custody of your kids if not divorce on the day you move out. If you leave the kids with him when you leave he can keep them from you.
I have been down this road. Get out with your kids. Go online and see if there is legal assistance for you. Many times there are programs women donāt know about. Iām sure your husband will tell you he will change but he wonāt in the end.
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If you continue to accept this kind of behavior it will never changeā¦ I would demand that something changes and if he isnāt on board then I would keep your ducks in a row til you have enough money saved and have a plan set in motion to leaveā¦and if heās staying at home why does your 5 year old need to go to your sisters?
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Since he doesnāt work outside the home, where does he get the money for cigarettes and weed?
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How do you work 12 hours 7 days a week and not have enough for rent? Why isnāt your husband watching the 6mo old tooV
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Put it this way, do you want to spend the next 5 years living this way, we are blessed with one life and this might be the universe letting you know to rethink your choices. I myself would pack up and walk.
Have you talked to him? Asked him why he wonāt stand up for you? Told him to knock his shit off? Told your MIL to back off? Stand up for yourself. Make her realize all that you do. Make him stand up for his for family.
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Red flags seems they control u need to get support otherwise it will get worse
Put him back to work I will admit housework is a hard job but marriage is partners 50. 50 in everything
How can he smoke weed and cigarettes if he has no job? Who buys those things for him?
Donāt waste 20 years like I did.
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Oh girlā¦that is not okay. He better start making some serious decisions or kick his ass to the curb!
Heās unemployed and your child is in daycare? RUN! Donāt walk. You donāt think you can do it, but you can!
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Um, if youāre gonna do it all by yourself anywayā¦ 
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If this girl donāt run like Forest Gump to a lawyers office, than idk what to say. Why are you living with the MIL for 3 years. Why is he home for 2? Nay nay girl. Get out!
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Chica, if you can go to work and support him and en take care of the kids after work, you donāt need him. He and his mother sound like a classic case of toxic.
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Theirs help out there, take to someone, start with him,
Divorce himā¦ TOMORROW MORNING!
Omg cut that mummys boy out of your life
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Leaving him needs to become an option. And you need to do what you need to do for your well being and your children.
Your marriage aint the problemā¦ Living with your mother n law the problem my suggestion is find your family a home .so what if you and your husband swapped roles but if he wants to be submissive let and make sure you wear those balls with confidence
Thatās along time to be living with the in-laws Iām sure there a reason you both do not have your own place?
You need your OWN house. Whether itās with your husband or for just you and the kids.
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My husband has never stood up for me in any situation, EVER. Not with his mom, his sister, the misogynist neighbor or anyone ever. I donāt have advice but I donāt think it will change. We have been married 35 years. You will have to stand up for yourself with his mom.
Sheās right you should have kicked him to the curb a long time ago and her too
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If heās doesnāt work why canāt he watch the children ? Smh I know divorce is easier said by others but if the bad outweighs the good itās time move on . Good luck
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MIL sounds deluded tbh. She canāt see her sonās faults or refuses to acknowledge them and is taking her frustrations out on you. You need to talk to him because he should be taking up for you if he really loves you and forming expensive habits when youāre already strapped on cash and living with his parents definitely isnāt helping. Also, if youāre not a ānormal wifeā, heās not a ānormal husbandā either, has she not considered that maybe itās more his fault for not attempting to get a job or anything so you donāt HAVE to work 12 hour days 7 days a week? You seriously need to get rid of these people, they sound crazy beyond all reason.
Red flags everywhere. Girl you are the best that mans ever gonna find and not to be rude but heās doing all of these childish things and his mom is enabling his behavior. I would just leave.
Get out. Dump the loser. Not a good situation for anyone.
Heās being a spoiled brat. And his mother is upholding him.
3 years at his parents? yet you work 6am-6pm every day 7 days a week? he needs to get a job and work together to move out. if he isnt doing it then you need to
RUN. Not a single penny saved is worth all that stress bs from a mother in law that just wants to cause drama and enable her son.
I cry for you. And you with 2 kids. Hes not worth you
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If your asking for advice you already know the answer.
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Well you live with your in lawsā¦ Think maybe you have bigger problems
F them. Youāre in a toxic environment
Leave. Anything sounds better honestlyā¦
#1 Ok. Make A Plan TĆ“. LeavĆŖ
#2. Open A Savings & Checking Account.
ÄĢt A Different Bank Then You Use.
#3 Check Ę n Low. Income Apartments. Or Rent A One. Bedroom Apartment.
Apply For. HuĢd.
There Are. OrgĆ¢nizations & Churches ThĆ¢Ģt Help With
DaycaĢra
Furniture
Food.
Apply For Food Stamps.
Just Act. Normal.
Keep. Your Plan To Yourself. Ok.
And Get Out. As Scon As U Can
Move out
He has regressed
Bubyyyyye shitty husband and MIL 
Kick his butt to the curb!!!
If his mom lives with u or vice versa shouldnāt she be cleaning and taking care of the house as well?.. If ur boyfriend canāt take care of his kids and clean and have dinner waiting 4 u then itās time u switch placesā¦
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Your MIL sounds like she did a marvellous job raising her man child of a son cough cough tell him to go get a job if he hates being home all day with your child and doing the basic house hold duties.
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You need to leave, taking the child, maybe stay with family until you are settled and get a better job. Let the mother in law have her son. Find a real manā¦you can do it, and will be so much happier!
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Iād heās at home all day why isnāt he looking after the kids?
Why are you burning yourself out working 7days a week you need the chill time, if he canāt support you then speak to your family see if you can stay with them, or kick him out.
He will then have 2 choices step up and put you n the kids first or just be a mummies boy and he should go live with her.
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Ask your sister if you can stay there if you pay her half of everything. Leave the porn watching, drunk and high and clearly ball-less husband with his mom btw. You shouldnāt be paying for his addictions any longer.
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Take your kids and run very, far, far away and donāt look back. Been in this situation and it only got worse. Take it from someone who knows first hand how bad it can really get. It got so bad my mother in law beat me and put my head through a wall. Run.
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Lots of people have given you advice, so I wonāt add to that.
But I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do, hopefully you manage to find a way where you and your kids can be happy and healthy.
Sending virtual hugs xx
It sounds to me that he doesnāt need a break in fact the only one that needs a break is you, you work 7 days a week and you come home and do everything just to give him time Iāve got a child of my own and parenting is no picnic but when I was a carer it was harder than looking after my now 5 month old, Iām sorry but you need to leave him he doesnāt stick up for you or nothing, he doesnāt even offer to have thr children when you return from work xx
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Time to switch places with your husband. Send him to work, then you canāt stay home and be a mom and she what momās do.
Youāll never win when it comes to mums and their sons, you just wonāt. He could murder you and she would look your parents straight in the eyes and say āthatās what boys doā. I think most women are in the same boat when it comes to their partners not sticking up for you etc. Can you not register for a council house? I know that if you private rent and work, universal credit help with the payments of rent and stuff. Ring the council and say youāre homeless but just sofa surfing with 2 kids, It is possible, itās just tough. Hope you find a way 
ā¦what is ānormalā anyway? If you arenāt happy, you already know the answer and by the way, youāre stronger than you think you are. Good luck.
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Girlā¦ thatās not your husband thatās your 3rd child, seriously tho you either need to speak to him and try work through or bin him off life is too short to spend it trying to get somebody elseās life together x
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You allow wat will continue. You already know the answer if you need to ask. You are not happy. Itās a toxic relationship. Give your children a better life. He is no man. Who letās their wife work 12 hours & 7 days a week? A loser!!! There is no excuse for him to not be working. Be happy & move forward with your babies.
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Leaveā¦ Nowā¦ I know its hard but you will soon realised your worth and find your feet. Everything will sort it self out, but that really doesnāt sound like a relationship you need. He doesnāt appreciate you and will continue to use you while he can. Oh and never believe when they say they will change and it smoking and weed will stopā¦they just start hiding it better and think your stupid 
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Iām confused - why are you taking your little one to your sisters?
If your husband has no job - he should be looking after the child? I take it the 5yr old goes to school, so he does the school run?
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If he is home all day smoking weed and watching porn he is NOT looking after your children!! Thats a safeguarding issue. If you want this marriage to work speak to him but if not leave which is what id be tempted to do tbh.
Donāt just leave. Talk to your husband. Tell him you feel undervalued and you donāt want to continue like this, changes need to be made. If he doesnāt give you the time of day/brushes your feelings off then I would consider leaving. Hopefully he can find the balls to step up for you.
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Tell your mil to kiss your ass n get outā¦they all sound like self absorb losersā¦you work he stays at home not looking after kids?? So many things wrong thereā¦my opinion but think you should take your kids and leaveā¦hoping the best for you 
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Take the kids go to your sisters, you dont need selfish self righteous people in your life, they are obviously not happy with their lives so set out to undermine yours and make yours unhappy, leave not worth it, you deserve better
Move out quickly save your sanity
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Sit down and talk about what you need or you have to think about a future without him I wouldnāt want to be stuck in this kind of loop itās not healthy
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Apparently youāre staying at your in-laws home. So they make the rules, itās their castle, not yours. Why is your husband at home and not working? Is he sick or disabled? All you said was that your husband has been home for two years, but didnāt say why. Well I donāt see anything changing as long as youāre in their home, you have to get out and either move in with your sister, or another relative or friend, or get a roommate if your husband doesnāt want to leave his mommyās house. Things wonāt likely get better, only worse as long as youāre in their home. Iām sorry but I donāt see any other way because itās apparent that neither your husband nor his Mom respect you. Check in to programs in your city for motherās with children, see if they can help with low income housing. Thatās the only way that I see you having any peace at home, because youāll likely never have peace at your in-laws. As far as your marriage??? Unless heās willing to man up, grow up, and leave mommyās house, and stop all the nonsense with smoking, weed, and porn and get a job and provide for his own family, I think that you already know that itās overā¦ now you need to find the courage, strength, and assistance to move out of that hell hole, for your sake and for your kids. Best Wishes. 
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If thatās what she thinks, let it be so and do nothing when you homeš¤·āāļø Iām sure your husband will say something then.
You really need to try and get your own place
Keep working hard, and if he canāt get on boardā¦ you should keep moving forward with or without himā¦ you should never have to deal with all that BS after a hard dayās work
Heās not normal, not you. He should be doing way more for you and the kidsā¦
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This is easy. Trade places. You stay home with the kids and let him work itās simple
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Is this even a question? Ew, run far far away with your kids 
They are parasitesā¦ Donāt think Twice. Leave! You are stronger than you think. Best to leave before a tradegy happens. Believe me. It will happen if you donāt leave. God helps those that helps themselves. Be safe and leave.
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Come on dear, you already know the answer to your question. Whatever you need to do, about your marriage, canāt be resolved in mom-in-lawās house. While youāre working, your hubby is being mommyās little baby boy. He isnāt sticking up for you because he doesnāt have too. Youāre only providing him with the one thing that his mom doesnātā¦sex! Heās a lazy basta*d and I donāt understand why you didnāt pick up on that before you got married and had two kids by this slob. Heās got a roof over his head, food in his belly, some weed and some alcohol to get a good ābuzz onā while heās getting an erection from the porno heās looking atā¦just so he can jump your bones when you come in from work. The truth is, he thinks heās āliving the lifeā right now and you can bet his aspirations for the future āainātā no better. So dear, you donāt have to ask anyone what you should doā¦your question should be what steps should I take to get my kids and myself out of this mess?
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Hold up a sec if heās staying home to take care of the kids why is 1 being sent to your sisters daily 
so he canāt even do that job properly Iād honestly explode if itās the motherās house surely she should be helping her son clean anywho and seeing as though heās the dad and not working the least he could do is look after hos kids you need some time off and rest gal 7 days a week and coming home to look after the kiddies too! Your gonna blow a fuse! I think u need to have a sit down and chat with the hubby and tell him he either needs to step up and do his job properly and not have u take over as soon as ur home or go to work 7 days himself (then Iād dump the kids on him when heās home and bugger off see how he feels) or fuck off because thatās ridiculous u get no rest at all gal xxxx
Well, I was O.K. up until you said you take over when you get home. Your MIL is siding with her baby and yes, he should speak up for you. I think it best you get out while the getting is good, you should be able to find help, shelter, if he doesnāt want to change his attitude. Life is good for him isnāt it. The smoking weed and porn, nothing too good while you work 12 hour shifts, excuse me! Any friends you can crash with for a couple of days to get your head on straight. How are the children with those 2, well cared for or signs of neglect until you get home. Donāt have any more children, thatās for sure, you have ā3ā now. Glad heās doing housework or is Momma doing it? Stay saneā¦and good luckā¦
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You know what to do.
You knew before you typed this.
Do it.
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Take your kids.Get the fuck out of there and stay with your sister or another relative.Until you get settled.You can definitely do better.Your husband is not a man he is a parasitic mummyās boy and your mother in lawās is not a good place for you and your children.
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Sorry you didnt marry a man but a child leave him
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