So my partner and I have two gorgeous boys, he knows Iv always wanted a big family, and I told him I’m ready to have another. He has told me these two are the only ones we are having together, and if I want more children, I can go elsewhere to have them. I’m not sure how to feel about this! Part of me is saying we’ve got two, and at least I went through it all, and part of me is saying it’s not fair he can just decide my life like that without compromising or even talking just a straight-up No! Any advice?
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You’re right he can’t but at the same time you can’t control his. You have to respect his wishes as he has to yours. You have to decide if it’s a breaking point for you.
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Decide whats more important… What u have now or a bigger family. If you’re happy now, understand his POV. If more kids is worth it, leave
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Sounds like a serious discussion that should have taken place two kids ago…
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My husband did this until he begged for sex all the time… I told him flat out its either none or take the risk of another baby
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This sounds like a conversation that should have taken place earlier. I have no advice other than if you love him, is not wanting more kids really a deal breaker? If so, you may want to re-evaluate why you’re with him…
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Well go get some sperm at a sperm bank. He said “get it from somewhere else” 
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He is entitled to only want 2 children . And you are entitled to want more . Maybe your futures do not align . But you can’t force him to have more just like he can’t force you to not want more
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My husband and I are in the opposite positions. We have a 2 year old girl and I’m due in 3 weeks with another girl and I was done after the first but he wanted more so I said okay one more. And now I have a chance to get my tubes tied because my doctor is awesome lol and my husband is so mad that I’m even considering it. I have horrible pregnancies. This pregnancy I’ve had horrible heart problems and I’m on all kind of medicine and he knows I don’t want more and that I’m miserable but he’s still mad that I’m even considering having my tubes tied. I get aggravated with him just thinking about it. Just consider what it’s like the other way around
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Sad. Did y’all talk about this before hand? Have y’all had a conversation other than this NO? You have to decide if this is a deal breaker. No he can’t just make decisions for you and your life, but you can’t his either.
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You are right but don’t force him or it’ll go so bad
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He’s allowed to change his mind and choose nomore for him, whether in a relationship or not. It’s your decision if you want to accept that and just have the family you have and be happy or if you want more than maybe you need to leave
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Raising children is a huge responsibility, the more children the more responsibility. Plus it’s super expensive. The added expenses and antics of children can be overwhelmingly stressful. So consider your man’s point of you.
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I agree…it’s not JUST HIS relationship!!! So it should NOT be JUST HIS decisions. That’s not fair.
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I be leaving him lol
You both need to compromise but if he won’t then it’s up to you if you leave or not.
How could you compromise? He’ll give you half a kid?
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Things that should have been discussed before having ANY children together
Maybe HE FEELS he can’t handle more then 2 money wise and stress
How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you only wanted 2 and he wanted more ?
Would you want him to pressure you ?
Yes he can’t control your life but the same goes for you n his life.
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I mean it’s his decision also so if he says no. Then it’s no no1 can force someone to have a baby. Maybe sit down ask him why he doesn’t want another one. Be in his shows if u did t want more kids n he did how would u feel if he kept asking or demanding for another. Give it time
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As a family of 8 we have 6 kids it’s a lot of money stress school food space even if you have the means for it we are blended with it all on us no help
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Technically he’s taking away ur right to choose 
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Sorry to hear but If he doesn’t want to he doesn’t to and he cant be forced it’s his decision just as much as yours , its that simple really
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Maybe he don’t want to be tied down with so many kids-he could always leave-you are Blessed to have 2-hard to keep kids in school and feed them
If he doesn’t want more kids that’s fair. Figure out if having another child is more important to you than your relationship
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There is no compromise between having a child and not having one. He cant force you not to have another one…but you also can’t force him too have another one.
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Guys it sounds like they discussed it and he moved forward with her even though she wanted a big family. If he only wanted 2 he should have let her know. I’d tell him your not on birth control and if he wants any he’ll be at risk of another kid🤷🏻♀️ if not he can “get it elsewhere” also.
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I mean ain’t u trying to decide his life by forcing another kid on him 🤷 if u want another kid go have one without him. But fr maybe u should give him some time maybe in the future he will want more but as of rn he don’t and u shouldn’t try to force it on him
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Honestly this is a decision that should of been made TOGETHER and discussed continually. This is one a lot of couples don’t agree on and even separate over. To me he sounds like a duck telling you to go elsewhere. You just gotta decide which is more important to you. You’re not WRONG for wanting more especially if that was the plan, but he’s not WRONG for telling you he doesn’t want more. I do think he handled it WRONG by wording it that way.
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Maybe he knows his limitations and he has a right to say enough is enough for him. give him time to get age on your littles and he may change his mind but clearly he is not ready so another baby shouldn’t be an option bc it’s not fair to the baby to be planned at a time both parents are not fully prepared
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If he doesnt wanna have anymore kids then leave like he said and have more with someone else. You cant make him have more kids when he doesnt wanna have anymore.
Well I guessed if you absolutely have to have another one you’ll have to do it with someone else, so you’ll have to choose what’s more important. Him or another child.
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doubt youll ever change his mind. this is something that yalll should have figured out before the first kid.
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Ummm leave his ass. He obviously doesnt value you if he can tell you to find someone else if you want more kids!
also a lot of people want and dream but talking about a future with children and actually living with kids is 2 different things!!
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There is no compromise, you can’t have half a kid. You are saying he can’t decide your life, but you want to decide his? It sounds like you want it your way or you’re out.
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It’s not just your decision…but if you don’t feel like he’s good to you or that he’s the one then don’t waste anymore time, of course marriage is about making it through everything
Sucks but for now at least that’s what it is. It should be a convo at least otherwise it’s not a partnership- it’s a dictatorship where one decides all important things. That’s not healthy but there be valid reasons for this
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well if he happens to impregnate you because he refuses to take measures… that is on him…
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Financially could you afford more children?
My husband and I always talked about multiple kids…after one miscarriage and one hell of a pregnancy, I decided I was done. I think my husband hoped I would change my mind, but I made my intentions clear. I got my tubes removed when my son was just over a year old…best decision I ever made and my husband is 1000% good with it now.
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This conversation takes time. Enjoy the two you have and wait a few months/years to bring it up again.
I think the way he went about telling you he doesnt wasnt the best way but I think you both need to sit down and have a conversation. Hear him out on why he feels this way . Then you your side. Everyone is so quick to leave relationships these days because they arent getting what they want all the time . I respect how you feel I wanted a big family as well , but you have two beautiful babies. Weigh the options and think long and hard if having another baby is worth breaking up your family now. Best wishes momma hope you find a solution.
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While he has every right to change his mind about not wanting more kid’s he doesn’t have the right to completely take the option off the table without you guy’s sitting down and talking about it. If you both agreed in the beginning that you wanted a big family and now all of a sudden he’s changed his mind that’s not fair to you either. Have ya’ll been struggling or anything or did something happen that you think might have changed his mind? If y’all can’t come to an agreement you might be a crossroads. You just have to decide if his decision is something you’re gonna be able to live with, or if you even want to live with it knowing you’re never gonna have the opportunity to become a mother again. I would be very upset too.
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Mine said the same thing for 10 years! He also had a vasectomy done. However, even with that and BC we had our 2nd son last November. World works in mysterious ways
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Josh Ross this is us 
His body, he has a say… There’s no compromise with kids… You want more… He does not… There’s no way to meet in the middle… Respects his choice… Or leave if it’s that important to have another kid…
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It’s not just your life it’s his too, women preach my body my choice, we can’t offer the came courtesy to men?
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Was this discussed before you started your family?
I’d be more concerned that he’s telling you that you can go elsewhere!
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Too many humans as it is lol
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? And it’s ok for him to have more kids he doesn’t want because it’s what you want?
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Just curious were both your pregnancies and deliveries healthy and easy? Or were there complications. I ask because of there were complications perhaps he is scared.
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I personally think that it’s not just ur decision to have more. Maybe he did want more in the beginning but after having the two he realized that he can’t handle any more. Try to understand where he is coming from. But if it’s something you can’t live with then u don’t need to be with him. And tricking him into having more by not taking ur birth control is just wrong and the most selfish thing you could do. Babies don’t keep men and women together so just know you could end up being a single mom having to do it all!
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It goes both ways, I do not want another child (we have 1 ) and my husband has been broody since (our little boy is 6!). So am I deciding my husband’s life by not having another, or is he deciding my life if we have another? It’s compromise . . . . . Sometimes you have to choose what s more important.
2 is a compromise already
He isn’t deciding your life as you have options elsewhere
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Maybe he feels overwhelmed with two. Or maybe 2 is a big family for him.
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Kids are huge responsibilities, they are expensive and require alot. He may just not want to add more strain on himself mentally, and financially. Two is a good number. If you want more kids then I guess you would have to get a new partner… Lots of people once they have made that decision stick with it, there’s no compromising on human life.
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Like Oprah use to say…“it only takes one NO”.
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Hes allowed to say no. Its his say in it to cause more kids mean more expenses for him also. And more responsibility. And everything. My husband said no more after our second i stopped pushing it and 4th july weekend he surprised me and said lets have another. So theres a very good possibility hell he can change his mind. But dont force him to have another baby if he doesn want to
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Pray together about it until God answers that question. God may change his heart or yours 
what is important to you, should also be important to your spouse and vise versa.
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No means no. Be thankful with what you have. Plenty don’t have that
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Are you a stay at home mom or do you work too?
Talking about having kids and actually having the kids are totally two different things! Maybe it’s more than he thought it would mentally and financially. I think sometimes they handle it different then we do too so give him some slack. I’d sit down and talk to him about it to see his issues with having another, but think about… Is he a good dad? Great husband? Is it really worth leaving him over? I’d be thankful and blessed for what you have. 
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My brother said the same thing to his wife. She really wants a daughter but he’s done. So they aren’t having anymore kids. Tell him to get a vasectomy if he really is done.
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Well I don’t have a problem with him not wanting more kids but his delivery of that information was really shitty. What kind of person says of you want more you can go elsewhere 
. That would be my #1 concern. Wth is wrong with him ?!?
If he is the SOLE provider of the home, and you are a SAHM, I’d say let him decide, because he is the one who is financially supporting everyone. If you work as well, and want more kids, then just leave and find someone else.
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Have you discussed why he says he is done? Your reason for wanting more is just as important as his reason for being done.
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He’s allowed to say no and change his mind 
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Well it’s also his life.
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Its his life too and he feels 2 is plenty. If this were turned around, you’d be pissed he was pushing you to have more. Respect him or leave. 💁
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No means no. He is allowed to make that decision. Now you are faced with making a decision of your own… Be happy with 2 and stay with your husband, or leave and hope that you can find another man to create a family with.
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You dont get to decide how many kids he has either. It goes both ways. If you truly want more kids then he isnt stopping you, youre free to do so just not with him. Decide whats more important, him and your smaller family, or a large family with someone else.
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It takes 2, it’s a partnership choice. 🤷🏼
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Sometimes I think these are fake. This can’t even be a real thing
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Surely he has reasons why he is happy with the two you have together. Is it a money thing? Is it a time thing? How was your health while you were pregnant? Are you having marital issues? Is he struggling with the lack of time you and he are spending together as a couple? There are sooooo many reasons people decide that they are done. Its important to have a good conversation with him where you both can give mature and inclusive opinions on why or why not you choose to have more children.
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This is something that probably should’ve been talked about sooner.
And something that is up to you and him if it’s really a deal breaker. How determined are you and seriously how against it is he?
No one can really answer this for you. But remember to think of everything and consider his side as much as you can.
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So obviously he’s allowed to say no. And I get it. But I also think sitting down to have a conversation about it would be wise, because for some relationships, that’s a deal breaker. If i really wanted more kids and my partner said no, I’d be understanding of his decision, but I also would have to think about if I would be able to accept that decision and go on with him, or if I should leave so I could also be happy with my big family, even if it wasn’t with him.
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But you can’t force a man to have more children.
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Unless he’s made a permanent decision and had a vasectomy… it’s up to God. 
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Whatever his reasons, he doesn’t want any more kids. Even the threat of you leaving isn’t going to force him to change his mind. He’s allowed to not want more kids.
That said, You’ve always wanted a big family…but why? Why is it so important to have 3+ kids?
Have you considered why he doesn’t want any more? Did you ever consider that his reasons are just as important as yours? And very likely more practical?
So. I guess you’ve got two choices.
- Try to understand that your marriage isn’t just about what you want. And accept that your husband -the father of your children- is done having kids.
- Leave your husband -the father of your children- uproot your children’s lives and go find another man…who will take you on, 2 step kids, and willingly give you and support (be able to support) however many more kids you decide you want (otherwise this situation will just keep repeating)
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You say partner you didn’t say husband so if you’re not married you have a choice to make where do you want to live you or life by his rules or move on you need to sit down and do some deep thinking are you truly happy with him and your life right now now is the time to decide what you want
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My brother said he didn’t want anymore after one, my sister in law said she wanted one more if he didn’t then he better get a vasectomy or use protection. She had one more because he didn’t and she got her tubes tied right after.
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He said if you want more, you can go elsewhere!!! Red flag… at least that’s what I see.
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He doesn’t want anymore children that’s his right. He isn’t saying you can’t have anymore just that he is done. I would suggest that you have a conversation about it and either come to a compromise or comply with his wishes. Either way best of luck to you and your family. 
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I mean if having a big family is worth breaking up the one you have now then follow his advice & go elsewhere 🤷
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The fact that he KNEW you wanted a big family and apparently agreed since he stayed with you long enough to have 2 kids and is now saying he’s ok with you leaving if you want more kids, tells me there is something deeper going on. Seems like he’s isn’t interested in a relationship at all at this point.
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Tell him you’re done with birth control it it is now 100% up to him to prevent new babies. He can learn to wear condoms or go get snip. If he is really a no then he will follow through. He cant be “no” and expect you to do the leg work.
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I would be more pissed over the fact that he said go elsewhere and make more. I would just have to Brady bunch it up with my new babies and say buh bye! 
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Geez " go elsewhere to have them" ?!? TF. That seems harsh for him to say. It’s one thing to say he doesn’t want anymore kids but I dunno something about putting it like that seems super weird to me. Like red flaggish? Doesn’t seem like a healthy nice thing to say.
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My partner has said the same, and that if I want more I have to look elsewhere, I may in a couple of years look into sperm donation if hes dead set against me having another baby, i want 3 always have and always will…the only reason he doesnt want a 3rd is because he gets freaked out when they cry when they are babes and he doesnt know how to stop it…he is honestly the best dad I’ve ever seen in my entire life and would litterally shoot me point blank for our girls if he had to (likewise, weve discussed it lol) bit it’s just that 1 thing that gets him
How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Would it be ok for him to force you to have another child you don’t want? You can’t compromise with children. You have every right to want more, he has every right to be done having kids. You have to decide what is more important to you: your husband and the live you have now, or another child.
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It’s best to abide by his wishes unless he comes around. No one should be saddled with a kid that they didn’t want.
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This is the reason me and my son’s father split. I wanted more kids and he did not. The way we saw it, neither of is should have to give up what they want or compromise on a child.
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First of all he said ‘you can go somewhere else’ that should be a clear indicator that maybe you need to rethink your relationship
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He should be able to elaborate on exactly why.
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Jos Vooges herkenbaar…
That is a shame that his reaction is, "go have more elsewhere " rather than talking it out with you. I would probably be like okay bye and leave and hopefully I would find someone who wants the same things out if life as me such as a big family and good communication
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Having babies is expensive. Maybe he want to have fun with his boys and can afford to do things with them before he get old than he is now.
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It’s not the fact that he doesn’t want more, which is just as valid btw as you wanting more…you can’t decide his future for him without his consent as well. That being said though the fact that he said you can go elsewhere should raise some concern as to your place in his life…sounds to me like you’re just taking space until better comes along from the way you’ve put it here. I would worry about you and the ones you have and where you’ll all go when this runs out…
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It’s not unheard of for one partner to say “if you want more you can have them elsewhere” and not actually mean it. what he’s saying is that he just doesn’t want more kids. if you want more, then you have to decide if it’s worth (and possible) for you to either a) move on and find someone who wants more kids or b) try to have more on your own. You can’t force him to have more children than he wants.
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