My partner never wants to be involved in family stuff: Advice?

I have been with my partner for nine years; he works full-time 10-5 at our own business, money-wise he takes care of everything. I’m a SAHM, but my daughter is in school, so I maintain the cleaning, gardening, and DIY. My issues are first that he doesn’t lift a finger at home at all, which I’m okay with to a certain extent, but like an occasion load of a dishwasher in the evening would make me feel more like a team, but every time I ask him to do the odd act of teamwork, he uses the ‘I work all day rant. The second is he literally does zero with our daughter; I’m pretty much a single parent, He plays with her at home, but all outings are just her and me; all activities are just her and me, the last time I remember having a family day out was maybe two years ago, and it was a nightmare keeping him happy which is why I stopped trying/expecting to include him. It’s almost like we live separate lives during the day when he is off work, he does what he wants, and I do the family part. Relationship wise we are fine; it’s just this bit, and not quite sure how to entice him to be involved or if I’m silly wanting these things.

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You have been comfortable and accepting of this behavior for years…You need to widen the gap. Stop doing so much for him. Start small. You need to showhim that your time is valuable too. He may support you financially but he checked out otherwise.

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Sound like you are dealing with a narcissist that has deluded your perception. You think the relationship is ok because he has made you believe so. He has no interested but in himself and you wont be able to change that. Start looking into separation or divorce because things will not get better. Usually the case in many of these type of situation that you are in.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partner never wants to be involved in family stuff: Advice?

Counseling would be my suggestion. Sometimes it takes them to hear it from someone else and for them to see the situation more objectively instead of only what goes on in his head about the importance of spending time together as a family and being a team. Good luck!

Only works 10-5 and still does nothing :flushed:

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If you acknowledge that he runs the business so you take care of the stuff at home, why expect him to do that stuff? As far as doing family stuff, maybe he doesn’t like the family. :woman_shrugging:t4::joy:

I was married to one like that
Magic word ~
WAS

Kick his arse to the curb, you might as well be single and happier.

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That is called control

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Sounds like many problems some of us wish we had.
A man that takes care of you and y’all’s kid financially and he’s not out running around on you . Give him a break. Maybe he is tired from working.

Jeezus I wish I only worked 10- 5. Be honest and tell him exactly how you feel. Me and my husband own a sonic drive in . Sometimes work 16 he days and still find time to do stuff together and he helps. He’s making excuses

He’s literally a lost cause, and I’m not trying to be mean, I’m speaking from experience.
He is entitled and thinks he shouldn’t have to do those things and arguing with him is a waste of your precious time. He will not change and things will never be ok for you guys. I wish you the best if you do make it out of that horrible situation. Much love :heart:

I’m in the same position except I work full time to and I have 2 kids. :sob:

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I mean if he pays for everything I wouldn’t expect to do housework when ur home all day and ur kid is in school :woman_shrugging:

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Relationship wise your fine??? Doesn’t seem like it? Guy seems like a complete loser. What man doesn’t spend time with his family? Get rid of him.

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10-5 is not full time :roll_eyes:

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You’re a single parent with a regular sleeping buddy. This is a completely weird set up and I wouldn’t be happy in this at all. EXPECT MORE!

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If your child is in school then I can understand the not wanting to do housework bc you can do that when she is gone and he is working. He should make an effort to spend time with his daughter on his off days or weekends though.

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He’s completely checked out and most likely only around because of the mutual business. You’re his business partner not his wife!

So much judgement, jealousy, and anger in these comments.

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If I’m gonna do it on my own it lol be on my own period. Did it myself and don’t regret it one bit

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Just my opinion here… if he works out of the house and you are a stay at home UNPAID… OVERLOOKED… mother/ housekeeper then yes you should do things without getting upset with him… now… on the weekend he should pitch in also…I feel for you… id lose him if I were you… good luck

So maybe suggest you working at the business as well and him helping out around the house :woman_shrugging:t5: And maybe schedule family days for twice a month to start off. Because I’m not sure how I would feel if my spouse didn’t want to be involved with OUR kids.

Relationship wise you are NOT fine. He has no respect for you nor does he value the family unit.

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Sounds to me like he doesn’t want family he want a servant with privileges who happened to get pregnant

If he feels like bringing in the paycheck is doing his part then I’d be done. I’d rather be single and happy and not irritated by someone sitting around watching me take care of their home and child. If he wants to just be the financial part then move on out and collect that child support

First off…he isn’t the only man on the planet that can “pay her bills” second off…I’m pretty sure she isn’t incapable of doing it herself … he is married with a child…sounds like he signed up for being a family…everyone works it’s part of life so that no excuse to be absent as a husband or dad…a stay at home mom is a damn job if she is maintaining the house and child the majority of the time…cause from the sounds of it…if she wasn’t there, his house would be disgusting and he would probably eat fast food on a daily…he needs to man tf up cause instead of her on here complaining about time she wants with him as a family, she could be using the same time finding someone who will willingly do it without her having to complain. Marriage is team work if he is out working so that you can stay home…you signed up for the at home responsibilities…fair is fair. Ide be more stuck on respect that you have worked on the house all day and for him not to be slack and careless and to pick up behind himself. You don’t go to his job make a mess and leave! :woman_shrugging:

Go get a job part-time that’s what he works

If he works all day and you pay nothing at all you should clean the house but he should hang out with you guys

I’m a sahm too with 3 kids at school. I think all housework should be done by me as I don’t need to work as my husband does. However he should definitely want to do things with your daughter especially as he doesn’t exactly work long hours so has the time. Ask him why?? Xx

You’re better off without him the business belongs to both of you so do what you must… either way your child will be taken care of… right now you’re just taking his load of chores along with your own and your child’s fuck that… go to your mother’s because he really doesn’t see how much you do for him…

I don’t think you are expecting too much. But… I’ve been divorced twice and have currently been separated from my 3rd husband going on 6 years soon. Maybe I’m not a good person to ask. :joy:

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That to me doesn’t seem like he’s invested in your family.

I’m a SAHM, hubby works full time, we have 2 kiddos. He helps around the house, especially any heavy lifting, trash & bathrooms are his chores. I do most of the shopping, cooking, cleaning/ organizing, & I handle the budget/ bills. We both care for the kids equally whether at home or out. We have more family time than anything else. It’s about how your partner values you & family. PARTNERSHIP is key.

Personally, I’d be gone. If you both worked full time he’d have no excuse not to ‘help’… So why is adding a baby into the mix getting him out of it? Does he now work 80 hours a week to allow you to stay home?
If you did leave he’d be cleaning up after himself, washing his pots, doing his laundry and cooking everyday?
I’ve been in my own since my 5 year old was 6 weeks old. If someone isn’t enhancing my life, putting effort into the relationship, relieving some of the mental burden… Then I don’t want it… Paying the bills is great but if you weren’t there he’d be paying child care (and doing everything you do) and it’s likely that’d be much more expensive.

It’s probably at least worth a conversation with him about the way it makes you feel.

He’s an adult. He’s capable of putting a dishwasher on.

Have you tried coupt counseling or nights where it’s just you two and seeing if he opens up to you in a different way .maybe he’s overwhelmed at work or maybe he’s just annoyed by how certain things are said to him. I have noticed that we have to change your tone when it comes to certain conversations with men I wouldn’t necessarily give up on him but if it doesn’t change I wouldn’t stay there and go through it

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Men sometimes don’t think about how hard it is for SAHM’s. If it were an easy job he would be more willing to help out. You don’t get a day off, or any you time, so No I don’t think your asking to much, I think he may not realize how tough of a job you really have, and I would talk to him and say hey I don’t need you to take my job over, but it would be nice if I could have some help or a break here and there also.

I work all day and still do work around the house. There is no excuse for him not to he lives there to and you are supposed to be a family so he needs to act like he is part of a family. Sorry I don’t have any advice on what to do but to me it’s like he is controlling you. He is stuck in the old days when it was expected of the woman to do everything but we don’t live back then we live now

Wait, so he works everyday, and you’re home… alone. You said your daughter is in school. So you have all day while she’s in school to clean, or maybe get a job yourself? And you’re complaining he does nothing. Girl you’re literally home with zero distractions to do what you want/need and you don’t have to pay for anything.

When did this become a relationship advice page ?

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10-5 isn’t even an 8 hour shift, he sounds lazy to me. My ex (we live together cause it works for the kids but broke up four years ago) works 12-16 hour days, and still comes home to clean, help with the kiddos and give me a break, I’m home all day with them and he would never refuse to help… that’s insane lol to me it sounds like he doesn’t want to be a father

All these comments saying you’re home so why shouldn’t you clean all day lmao. BRO. Helllllllo, did we all forget about the other shit? Paying bills, doing groceries, keeping up with the car, keeping up with the yard, SELF CARE?! damn. Can she shower? Maybe she volunteers at her kids school? Damn y’all act like she gotta be a damn slave cause he works 7 hours a day lmao

If it’s a family business… then go work there too … stick your nose in to his and the business stuff … maybe then he will think twice about what he’s doing

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Oh Hun :pleading_face: you and I are two peas in similar pods( I still work)
It’s down right infuriating that he doesn’t want to participate in anything. It makes you question everything. I feel your pain and I simpathise with you.

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Chile let that man be :joy::rofl::joy::rofl:… Leave it to a “happy woman” to complain about something…

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I can relate except I don’t have the benefit of being a stay at home mom. They never change. It’s very sad and unfortunate. At least you only have the one. That makes it easier to make decisions about your future. I have three and feel stuck and manipulated. I’d seek counseling and then I’d seek another life.

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Oh girl! When a man shows you who he is you should believe him. He’s showing you that he doesn’t care about his family. So cut him loose

Single parents work full time and take care of their kids. You’re not a single parent.

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Sorry but your already a single Mom!!! Is this the type of relationship you want to model for your daughter?? What they observe is what they learn!! Time to cut him loose!! Sorry but not a healthy relationship! Will not benefit your child in the long run!!

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not sure how she calls that a relationship he wants nothing to do with her or his child sounds like he’s seeing somebody else

I divorced my last husband for this very reason. We owned a business together that he ran and I also worked full time as a nurse. He never wanted to do anything. Never went to kids games, got mad when we did holidays etc. I was done living single while married.

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If he’s the only one going to work everyday, I’d cut him a break. Maybe just ask for once or twice a month him to do an outing with the family. As far as doing all the housework… well, that’s part of your job while you stay at home :woman_shrugging:t2:

What makes you even say “relationship wise we are fine?” That’s not a relationship :woman_shrugging:t5:

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I’d consider counseling. Sounds a bit unhealthy

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Alo5 men dont know how to be q dad or care to. Sounds like hes one of them. Your gonna have to take deal with it or end it. He wont change.

Sorry but you should not have to tell a grown ass man to help with household chores or to help his own child/be involved in shit
If you have went to him and expressed ur concerns and nothing has changed no ur not doing fine relationship wise he doesnt respect u or appreciate u and what alot of men dont understand is this shit right here is why so many relationships dont work after having kids. Its such a common thing in alot of households. kids and household chores are still also his responsibility regardless of working

He should be active with his daughter. They should find some common ground

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My advice to you is don’t try no more do your own thing start seeing someone else that’s going to pay attention to you because once a woman starts doing that that the guy is not getting attention from the woman he starts being curious as to why you stop doing what you were doing you know and they start coming around which is a little too late so start start doing your own thing go out you’ve been doing it anyways family stuff let them it’s better for you that way there’s no drama he’s not there to kill your day or your family things and maybe somebody better will come around

First, You are not a single mom. Second, if you don’t like how things are then talk to him or cut him loose. Regardless of if he works outside of the home does not give him the right to not spend time with his family or help you with the house. Maybe try counseling.

Talk … a key to a relationship is communication if he doesn’t want to then I guess divorce is on the table cause u can’t be happy w this even if u don’t see it he is disrespecting u and your kid maybe try counseling a guy don’t change unless a break up is about to happen leave the house and when he ask u to come back tell him yall need counseling

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He plays with your daughter and he provides for the both of you sounds like you are ungrateful

A marriage is a lot work. Communication & working together is the only way your going to get your point across to him that you want to do things together as a family. Maybe try one day going out to eat as a family. See how that goes. Or Dave & Busters. Something that he will see how happy his child is & he will also enjoy.
Don’t give in the towel because it’s a lot of work. Keep doing it so he will see how important it is for u & the baby.

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What relationship…. I mean I’m not sure I can blame him for not wanting to do chores if he works and kids in school but he should still be a father. Your daughter is the one really getting screwed here

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If the kid is school aged, why don’t you go back to work, split the bills and split the household duties? It doesn’t exactly take all day to clean a house when your child is in school and maybe he’s having some resentment being the bread winner while you stay home and just do a few chores.

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Stop kidding yourself .

That would hurt my feelings. My man goes to all outings and family gatherings unless he is unable to get off work and my kids are his step kids but he is always there. Have you tried letting him choose a place to go?!

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Throw out the whole man.

So why not join the working world he works all day long he should not have to come home and clean do you know of any of the stressors that he’s going through at work why don’t you ask him what he would like to do and you and your daughter join

Sounds like a nightmare. Much better off without him. You’re going to constantly be fighting with him about what he doesn’t do. Your daughter doesn’t need to listen to that

I read this and realise how lucky I am !! I work and so does my parter ! So how we have done it is I do all bath time , random wash and dishwasher emptying , deep cleans etc and my hubby does the cooking and clearing up and garden 🪴 etc. Yes I also do cooking but the very exciting stuff like when we have an Indian etc as I cook everything from scratch lol. We always work as a team as things get done quick and then we can both chill and watch films together at the end of the night :+1:t2: it must be so hard for you but you need to do what’s best for you ! Have a talk with him and see if you can get through to him about how you feel xxx

Maybe ask what outings he wants to do, if it intrests him he might be keen

Think about this more, maybe there are more things than you can see… a side chick maybe?

Same situation (at home) but, i have my own job, makes more money, he doesnt contribute financially, turns out he’s in a relationship with his high school mate for years already… and before that he were into flings and i have no idea because he shows no signs at all, and friends,.his family and everyone else from his side cover him up and my family are miles away.

TRUSTED SO MUCH because he is a “Godly” person and he despised such acts of people :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

Unless u wanna go to work and put the kid in daycare?.. sat down and shut up

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Basically you are a single mom. There’s no way I could stay with someone that had no interest in doing things as a family. My husband will even do things that doesn’t really interest him if the kids want to do it. I can see just you and your child doing things together if he’s at work or whatever but not all the time. Even though my husband is the one who works he still helps out with chores at home. Laundry, cleaning, yard work, whatever. Have you talked to him about why he doesn’t want to go and do things as a family?

If the relationship is o.k then quit complaining

What if I told you I could get you over 3,000 channels with pay-per-view premium channels and all the sports channels included for a lower price than you’re paying now for cable

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U stay at home all day leave that man alone

People attack stay at home moms way to much :joy::joy:. It isn’t going to kill him to load a dishwasher once every couple days or sweep a floor smh.

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Counselors are useless human beings. Tell him either family time or separate time permanently.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partner never wants to be involved in family stuff: Advice?

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If you’re pretty much living separate lives, you’re not fine relationship wise…that’s a big red flag.

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My God. Silly wanting these things??? Narcissist. That’s not a partner and poor example for your daughter.

You’ve already created a life outside of him. Now make it official and wave bye.

He only works 10-5 and considers that full-time?? Then when he’s off work he doesn’t spend any time with you or your daughter?? Obviously he’s not in love with you or he would be helping you and spending time with you. There’s no other explanation.

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Yah parenting and spending time with your child goes 2 ways this is not fair on you or your child, and ultimatums are not working its looks like your living 2 separate lives, if leaving.is an option then do it, if not then u just have to put up with it good luck

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If you’re already feeling like a single parent, leave.
That’s when I realized it was time to leave my relationship

He works 7 hours a day and considers it full time and won’t help at home? It feels like separate lives because it is. I’d have an honest conversation about it and if nothing changes, leave. Kids need happy parents more than married parents

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Nine years! That’s a lifestyle.

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The relationship seems dead. He doesn’t want to send time with you or his daughter. His daughter for that matter…
Does he even take out the trash??
You’ve let go of this much might as well let go of him because he’s gone

How is your relationship fine? It doesn’t sound like you are even in a relationship.

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You said relationship part is fine but everything about this post isn’t fine. If I feel like my partner and I are living separate lives, there’s a huge problem. You need to say everything you just said I this post directly to HIM.

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Put it this way. There are 168 hours a week. Maybe if u check out after 5 too hell start to get it

This isnt a bit. And relationship wise you arent fine. He hasnt figured out his balance and if hes not aware he cant fix it. Coming from you it’ll sound nagging coming from someone else it will be something for him to think about and try to work on if he chooses.

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Hell send this to him as if someone else wrote it!

I know how you feel. If he isn’t interested in doing things with you as a family he probably never will be unfortunately. I would suggest counseling honestly because the relationship isn’t fair to you period, you shouldn’t be alone in the responsibilities of everything at home and with your daughter. I can relate because going out as a family for me is usually exhausting and not really fun at all. I honestly don’t think he will change, but I guess tell him what you really need, and give him a chance to make it better. I really think you will be happier in the long run single, because you already are pretty much. He’s selfish honestly and I know from experience that it won’t change.

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He works 7 hours a day, probably gets an hour lunch. He does his thing when not working… so essentially he is a roommate, not a husband. From my perspective :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Maybe offer to get outside home employment. If that was to happen, how would that affect his involvement in home. Lack of Involvement with his child is just who he is.

My father wasn’t a man who did “family outings”. Some people are just that way. You just need to decide if you can live with it. After this many years it’s pretty clear that’s who he is. As far is cleaning goes. Hes wrong for that. Your job doesn’t end at 5. If you are busy all day and night then he should be helping lighten that load.

Toxic manipulation. Throw that man in a burning dumpster and go be actually happy on your own.

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Everyone has different interests and he obviously isn’t enjoying the just being together thing. Mabey try asking him what HE wants to do and incorporate that into outings? Mabey he will start enjoying his time with both of you more and be more open to planning things with you.