So sorry u have to go through this 
Run I’ve been in a relationship for 20 yrs the past 4 yrs have been hell. He doesn’t do anything with our boys who are 13yrs old and 3 yrs old. Things were great till he wanted me to be a Stay at home mom. When I got pregnant with the youngest. He did everything with oldest. Now it’s fights every time we want to do something as a family. The oldest asks him to do stuff and he says maybe next week next week never comes. And now he’s off with another woman playing daddy to her teenage kids. I’m stuck home no car no money no family. My family all live in other states. And he’s got to the point where he’s paying all her bills and nothing at our house. Things only get worse I don’t see how they can get better.
Yea your relationship is not ‘fine’
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Don’t sound like your relationship is fine at all
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This hits home big time!! I thought I was the only one dealing with this!
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Have you sat him down and asked him about your worries? 
anyone can assume but only he knows the real answers 
if he doesn’t see a problem then obviously he is the problem. Goodluck 
He is not a family man
Some men don’t ever change their “single” mind set when they marry n have kids especially
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But they love the benefits of being “married “
All selfish attitude
Unfortunately no hope!!!
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I had this for 4 years and had to leave… No changing them.
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Love it or leave it!
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Look at what it is teaching your daughter.
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I definitely wouldn’t call the relationship fine. As far as your daughter is concerned, he’s wrong for not spending time with her outside of home. I doubt very seriously he will change from the sounds of it. And as far as “team housework”… You are a stay at home mom with no kids when school is in session. He shouldn’t have to load the dish washer. Does he ask you for help at his business?
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You lot are full of shit
Why would he lift a finger at hone when you are there all day? I work all day and if my spouse was always home I wouldn’t lift a finger either. If you want to be equal get a job then complain.
“Relationship wise” you are NOT fine.
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If he isnt helping or spending time with your daughter now, he never will. Working outside of the home is not an excuse for being a lazy ass at home. Im sure he eats, he gets stuff dirty, he has laundry. That means it is also his responsibility to assist. I would completely stop doing his laundry, dishes or cleaning up after him. A sahm job is to care for the children and the home, not to be a maid to her spouse. Best of luck to you.
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What is/was his father like? Many, if not most, men learn most of what they know about being a husband and father from their dads. Communicate your concerns that his idea that going to work is his sole responsibility where being a contributing member of your family is concerned does not mesh with your expectations. If you’re not sure how to approach him, show him this post.
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Do you work 7 hours a day and then have the rest of the day to yourself?? Clearly not … smh 
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So he isn’t perfect wow what a shot at least he is there to support you and take care of his financially maybe he has some kind of emotional problem with bonding he should go see a therapist be thankful for what you have there is so many others that would like to have what you have quit being selfish
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Find a counselor and an attorney. I would also find full time employment to be able to support yourself and your daughter. Your situation won’t change if it’s been several years. Stay strong and know that you can do it yourself.
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What does he do other than work outside the home? Does he just lay up watch tv & expect to be served? If so he is confused on what a family relationship is.
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I get so annoyed when women with a working husband say “I feel like a single parent” a single parent has to PROVIDE and NURTURE, they have to deal with the guilt of having to put work before attending sports games and spending time with their kids simetimes because that parent is the ONLY reason those kids will eat that night, and on the flip side a single parent sometimes has to take a day or even more of work off when our little ones get sick which means less food on the table or a bill may go unpaid,one week missing a payment can often take weeks or months to square up. What you have is very much a married and financially stable parent problem. That’s the kind of problem that can be either fixed or understood with communication. That’s a much easier battle than single parent battles.
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This is not me making an excuse for his behavior as much as trying to figure it out. I’d be curious what type of relationship did he have with his father and his mother. What was the dynamic in the house? Sometimes we learn from the parents.
My dad wasn’t an overly playful, goofy dad. He didn’t play with us. He was just a serious guy. He didn’t do any housework or anything like that. He did work a lot. Some of that was because he was an only child and had older parents and THEY were serious too. That didn’t mean he was a bad father. He did go to functions. He was a great vacation parent. He likes to go to more serious things like museums and historical places. He wasn’t the dirt bike in the desert, camping kind of guy.
Maybe suggest to the father that he find something him and your daughter could do together without you even.
How is he with just the 3 of you out? Does he suffer from a social anxiety of some kind. My husband is similar, he goes to family things but does not enjoy being there. But I stopped trying to make him feel comfortable at my expense. I enjoy myself either way. We are good on every other level. He just dont do well with social gatherings.
Clock out at 5:00 just like he does. Pretty sure he will understand this is your “me” time since he feels so strongly about it being his.
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I would set up a schedule of all the things you do during the day from whatever hours he works. Then set another schedule of the stuff you do once he is home including taking the kids out to play etc. Then another one for all the stuff you do during the weekend. Now make his schedule and show him the difference and say this is not a fair schedule compared to what you do. That you need a day off and an evening or two off to do as you want. Maybe once he sees it it won’t be such a fight about him helping some people are literally clueless when it comes to what a sahm does. The other option is get a job and put money aside so you can be self sufficient for you and your daughter if you choose to ever leave.
Sit down with him. A quiet time when things are settled. Have a grown up talk. Tell him you want to enjoy some family time together. See if you can come up with some ideas together. Also ask him to have daddy/daughter time once or twice a week. Even every other week. It can be something simple. Ice cream, park, movie. As long as it’s time spent together. Tell him your family needs this. It’s important. Start with that, building on happiness together. When he’s out with your daughter, plan self care time. Something for you that’s makes you happy!
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That’s who you married! You have been together 9 years! You probably let him get away with that behavior with the hope he will change. I don’t think he will ever change. You are going to continue being ok with that lifestyle.
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I did that lifestyle for 25 yrs. And I’m still married to him! He has always helped me with house work but never( the woman’s dept) he called it. I did take care of our girls. He did pay everything. I did work 4hrs a day at night to pay cable, utilities, and water. If you want it to change you have to make the change!!! Stop letting him get away with not participating with team work and playing with your kid. It should be 50/50 not 70/30 or 80/20. That’s what marriage is all about!!
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9 years hopefully you are married but if not girl run don’t let her miserable so still your joy and the rest of years you have left to enjoy life he’s a narcissist anytime you tell someone how you feel consistently over and over and they ignore it and they know it bothers you they do not care believe people when they show you who they are as much as it hurts you and your daughter are going to be okay if you decide to leave don’t try to change him stop arguing with him stop letting him see that it bothers you stop asking him to do things except that you’re going to cook and clean and accept that you’re going to take care of your daughter and do it with joy and peace and I guarantee you it will bother him in either he will join in or he will leave cuz he can no longer kill your joy or your happiness been there done that you have to make a pimp decision it’s been 9 years it’s going to be another 30 if you leave it to him he’s getting all the benefits why would he leave and if he’s getting the milk for free he’s definitely not going to leave if you started off making it okay for him not to do anything why would he change that for the same benefits if somebody give you something for free why would you pay for it girl listen to your gut listen to God and do what’s best for you and your daughter he going to be okay hope this response wasn’t too long good luck to you.
Shouldn’t actually have to convince him or twist his arm to have family time he should be absolutely be looking foreward to it! takes more than paying bills to be a father you actually have to participate .
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Relationship wise you aren’t fine. He’s not being a dad, you said that so much yourself. Shouldn’t have to entice someone you and her should be enough!
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Wait until he has holiday and go away by yourself and leave him to it so he has to spend time etc and know what it’s like to run a house and looking after a child rather than just work and I hope she plays him up big time haha
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You’re a SAHM, but your child is in school? So basically a stay at home wife, I wouldn’t be asking him to do a single thing around the house.
As for the family part. Definitely need to have a convo with him about that.
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As far as house work, he lives there too and it should be 50/50. My husband works and I work from home but he’s still expected to do things even though I’m technically home all day. His arms aren’t broke, he can do laundry or dishes that he contributes to dirtying.
I think a lot of men that are posted about in this group act the way they do because the women ALLOW it. Like I wouldn’t tolerate half the things posted in this group for a week much less years. Speak up.
As far as family outings, he’s part of the family is he not? He helped make that kid, you didn’t do it by yourself. He can go with y’all or whatever y’all decide to do. You need to ask him what’s more important, whatever he is doing while y’all are out or this family that y’all created. If he doesn’t want to be apart of it, he can leave. 
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The way I see it is if he is working and your a sahm all of the house work should be on you. I could see a problem if he was leaving he clothes on the ground or trash on tables or floors but if he pick up after him self like taking his clothes to the laundry basket and throwing his trash away then that shouldn’t be a issue.
My husband and I have this rule that as long as we both work we both do housework but if I ever become a sahm he he becomes a sahd the. The stay at home parent is responsible for the house
As for the family matter sit down and talk to him about it.
My ex thought he didn’t have to do anything around house. He always throwed up he made the money, even tho I worked too. But he done all outings and enjoyed them. His son hates to go out with the kids. Drives me crazy. Parents need to do outings
Paying the bills is part of the work you two split. PART OF. If you feel need to redistribute work loads and have more shared such as with kids (which I 100% agree with) then tell him.
He may pay for everything, but that doesn’t give him right to never help with anything else. You both need to communicate and set clear expectations of what you’d like more of from each other so you Both happy- including kids.
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I have the same issue it’s always me and my bd unless he knows I’m mad at him then he plans trips but is grumpy the hole time
I’m old fashioned I know but if you’re at home and your child is at school id say the house was your responsibility. Thats your job…he has a job outwith the home . Doesnt mean he should deliberately make a mess for you to clean or cant help clear the table after meals etc
Does he take days off from the business ?? If he does then I’d say at least one of them should be family time…an outing of some kind together outside the home. Doesnt need to cost a lot just bonding time .
Dont think you’re being silly wanting your partner involved in outings but honestly…is it worth the hassle if hes going to be a grump ?
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Sounds like he doesn’t want a marriage to me. Also sounds like a checked when he because a father or even before that.
He needs a wake up call
“You need to be involved in this family or we’ll continue doing what we’re doing in separate households.”
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Nothing irritates me more than when a man uses the fact that he works as an excuse to just be a complete slob . I worked a full time job and some and still Came home every day and cleaned . Sometimes you just need to be more vocal or GO ON STRIKE lol ! That is a full grown man , you are his significant other not his maid . I’ve been cleaning up after people my whole life 
If you’re the only one constantly doing it with no break ever , it wears you down . I wish I could go to work and not worry about house work when I got home ! I’d gladly help out here and there if that was the case . Just don’t do your usual routine for a couple of days , he’ll realize something is up .
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Start keeping a log of every task you do. Keep up with the hours you spend doing it all. Then send him an itemized bill at the end of the week. Don’t forget overtime and double time on Sundays/holidays
Maybe he’ll change his mind seeing that you are constantly working
Just the kids alone is
Child care
- Number of kids
*3 (3 8hour shifts per day)
*7 (days a week)
Plus housekeeping
Plus chef
Plus taxi
Plus personal assistant
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Try to see if you can invite people over. My husband doesn’t like going other places he would rather have people come to us. As for the house i work during the school year home with kids during summer. He will do anything I ask him but since I’ve got it he doesn’t know where to jump in.
That’s so sad. You’re basically roommates and he pays for u to be there.
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If you’re home all day and the child is at school…. I don’t see a problem with the house work being your responsibility. Surely you have time to do what needs to be done.
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My gosh, you have heaven on earth
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I wouldn’t be able to be married like that. No family time? Bye.
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You say your relationship is fine but is it really? You don’t like the fact that he uses the excuse of I worked all day to get out of helping out at home n being a part of the family. Get yourself into counseling and him too if able. I was a SAHM too. Till the kids got into school. Then I went to work. I did most of the housework n house chores but my husband worked 2 jobs. I initially got a job with the school district. That way when the kids were off I was too. I eventually became a bus driver n after my divorce a semi truck driver. By then my kids were out on their own. Either you are willing to put up with his attitude or you aren’t. If you aren’t then begin the process of separating even if you don’t leave the house yet. If it’s a partnership you want then don’t settle. Only you can make up your mind. Good luck.
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…and your with him because ?
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I dealt with this for 8 years , every time I planned a fun day out with our son he never went , it was always just my son and I. I tried to make it so that I had a fun place lined up every weekend , in the winter it would be indoor places like the trampoline park, indoor water parks , play zones etc. The summer time I took him to Dutch wonderland, Sesame Place , waterparks , zoos , carnivals etc … Even though we didn’t do things as a family , my son and I made the best of it and had a blast while his father sat home playing video games 
After a while I realized him and I were more like glorified roommates than husband and wife. We are now divorced .
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I’m sorry but relationship wise you are not ok. He does what he wants and when he wants which is without you or the daughter. So how is that a ok relationship?? You also need time for yourself. He doesn’t consider what you do as work. Suggest trading places for a month. You run your business and let him do your job. If you don’t function as a unit then us there really a relationship??
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He is really missing out . He will regret this one day . Don’t think your relationship is healthy for it is abnormal for him not to help you or to spend
Time with you / baby . I’m sorry but I was a SAHM and I needed help ! It’s much easier to go to work than to stay home . Your job is never done ! He needs mature , help and also spend time otherwise he may as well be alone .
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As the sole provider in my home I can see that when he comes home he doesn’t want to do housework. I don’t and my husband doesn’t expect me to. I work all day pay all the bills. He gets everything he wants and needs. That’s his job making sure the house and kids are set and dinner is on the table. But I do make time for family my days off ar strictly family time.
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No matter what, it’s a partnership. Sometimes 50/50, but not usually. If one partner isn’t involved it isn’t a partnership any longer
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Sounds like more than a little bit. I worked 7-4 , came home did some cooking and changed as many diapers tad my wife did. If relationship means what I think it means then tell hxxx. No
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You have to pick your battles and since you’re going on 10 years it will be difficult to push him to do household chores if you’ve always been doing them because your a SAHM and he goes to a job every day. A lot of men feel it’s the wife’s job to do those things since his job affords her to stay home to do that. I doubt you’ll get him to see that differently now unless you want to go to work out in the workforce.
With regard to your daughter, I would get them both involved to think of ideas everyone would enjoy doing together and plan those activities or outings maybe once a month. Baby steps.
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“My partner leaves me with the bulk of the parenting with no emotional involvement whatsoever it’s like I’m single but relationship wise we’re fine other than that” that’s what I read. 
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Boo, hiss. Bad boy.
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If your daughter is in school, maybe you should be “working all day” too. You should NEVER rely on a man. You need to take back your independence.
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If you read this what would your advice be to someone else? My advice is leave. Why would you want to be with someone that you have to beg to be a part of your FAMILY?! That is his child too and his home. Just because he works doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be a father or husband. After nine years this will not change. Leave. Get yourself a job and live your life. You deserve to be happy and your daughter deserves better. Marriage is about teamwork. This is not it.
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Lived this exact life for 18 years. My daughter graduated and moved out. We divorced. Now we are room mates . We still care about each other ,after 25 years. It works for us.
Just leave him hes useless
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What’s his excuse are why can’t have family time with you and daughter not make no anytime help you around the house. Yes understand he working but still no excuse not give extra time help out around the house? He leave him be man child.
Give that man a break you’re not helping him 50% with the company why should he help you 50% at home do your part as a housewife and stop whining
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First off, wanting a partner that WANTS to live this life with you is NOT ridiculous. I’d make my needs clear first and move from there.
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I am astonished by some of these comments. Either way, you both live in the house. You both should be maintaining it. I understand if your daughter is at school, and he works… do your best to do what you can ( I use this time for projects around my house). When he comes home 100% he should help around. I would never have let it get to that point. My hubby works full time, and he cleans at night and helps me with the kids and dinner and clean up. He’s 50/50 in life with me in all aspects.
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I’m sorry but if your daughter is in school then you really shouldnt have that much stuff to do for him to be expected to work and help clean stuff in the house. Now if your daughter was younger and not in school then I’d get needing help.
As for time off and not spending time with your daughter… let him miss out on that cause all he’s doing is messing up their relationship. She’ll always remember and know that her mom has and will be right there for her always. And the only person he can blame for their nonexistent relationship is himeself
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Maybe you can ask him what kind of activities he would be interested in doing as a family maybe it’s just the things that you are doing he doesn’t really have an interest in. I don’t think that makes it right, I mean I think that parents should find enjoyment in taking their children to do things and experience new things and just enjoying seeing their children explore. But I also don’t speak for everyone because I know everyone feels differently. I love taking my kids to do different things even if I know it’s going to be and insane amount of work for myself and not much for adults to do. I just get enjoyment out of seeing them have fun. That is my idea of fun for myself honestly. But I’m going to be honest, as far as him working out of the house and you being a stay-at-home mom, I think that he probably expects that since he is the one that leaves the house and works, runs the business, make some money that affords you to be a stay-at-home mom, he is probably expecting the chores to be done when he comes home. I’m a single working mother so not only did I have to do the “9-5” the general manager of two stores, but I had to take care of literally everything in my home, take care of my children, get them to school in the morning, try to make time for school functions, I had to do it all. If I had a partner involved that didn’t work and stayed home I would probably expect them to do the majority of everything home related since they not only get the opportunity to be home, but have the privilege of being around our children 24/7. Right now I’m out of work because of covid and I’ve enjoyed every second of being a stay-at-home mom and being with my children 24/7. I dread the day that I have to go back to work and do it all over again and take time away from them. So you might just have to learn to accept that he’s not going to help around the house and let that one go. I do think that he should be doing things with you too as a family though for sure. Talk to him and let him know how it makes you feel and ask him if he has any ideas of things he would be interested in doing.
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So she works 100% of the time at home while he is away working 100% of the time at work. Great so now we have 9-5 roughly taken care of, so why should it not be 50/50 in the evenings, early mornings and weekends when they are both there?
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Housework wise I don’t think he should have to do it since your daughter is in school. But family time I think he should participate more. Maybe ask what family outings he would be interested in
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You are definitely not silly for wanting these things, especially when it comes to spending time with your daughter. That’s not fair to her either. You really should sit down and have a serious talk with him about how you’re feeling and the importance of him being present in your daughters life. She needs more, from her father, than just a financial provider. She needs him to be present and spend time with her, with both of you.
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wait, he works 10-5 for your family business and helps out none at home? 
i’m sorry, but it’s not like he works 7-7 or 8-6 or even 8-7. Yes, he might be hardworking, but he’s not working all day.
He doesn’t spend time with your daughter outside of the time he spends with her at home? That’s not okay. Why do you have to do everything for your daughter to be able to do anything? Not fair on his end.
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At the very least, he needs to spend some time with his daughter. How can expect to have a loving relationship with someone who he doesn’t interact with?
Find some nice weekend morning, turn off your phone and location services, and just go. Let him have some uninterrupted daddy/daughter time. If your daughter is old enough to be in school, this should not be an overly burdensome thing for him to do. So, just do it.
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Can we get a filter for the dumbass men in the group who have no lives of their own so they liked a mom’s page just to waste time throwing their ignorant and sexist arguments I’m the mix?
He works on a job all day to make sure you are able to stay at home and chill while the daughter is at school. What more do you want. Girl bye.
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Let him know that she will have no memories of him. My husband and I both work, we share household chores and do family things together.
He’s not special. He’s not doing a special amount of extra work. He’s doing less and his children will remember that he wasn’t there for them.
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There are a lot of men that work, spend time with their children AND contribute to running a household. Perhaps he needs reminding of that. You are supposed to be a partnership. I work and manage to take care of my children and run a home and yes I expect my other half to pull his weight around the home, why? Because I ain’t the only one making the mess.
Talk to him.
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Uhh so if you worked out of the house, wtf would he do? Not help with dishes? Sweeping? Shopping? Intimate time?
That’s pretty pathetic. If you can’t manage to do what literally everyone does then bitch about having to come home and help your partner with YOUR home and YOUR family, that’s hilariously sad. You deserve a better spousr.
Not to play Devil’s advocate, but my husband works two jobs. His main job is a cop with shift work. I work a full time job, we have 2 teenage daughters, and I just completed my second Master’s degree this summer. He works his butt off so his girls can have. He’s literally never here- of course he doesn’t load the dishwasher- nor do I expect him to. I think you’re not being completely fair here. As far as family time, have you tried just scheduling an activity and telling him the family is going? You might want to approach it by thanking him for how hard he works for his family, but voicing a concern that your daughter may need more family time with him present. You get more flies with honey. (I’m not in any way calling your hubby an insect!) I’m just saying- try a little honey on the biscuit.
I hate when people use “work” as an excuse to not participate in their own house. Even if you worked too I bet you’d still be in the same position and worse. My husband has this attitude and I’m about ready to be done with it. Like you ain’t his mama regardless if he works. Geeze
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Relationship wise you are NOT FINE because first of all he doesn’t want to spend ANY family time with you AT ALL. that’s a huge problem. Everyone works, most parents want to spend time with their kids when they’re not working. It just sounds weird to me like he’s waiting for you two to leave so he can do some things he shouldn’t be doing while you’re both there. Also 10 to 5 isn’t a bad schedule at all , he’s obviously a whiner, and you should also ask is he for some reason embarrassed to go out with you guys ? I think not, but you have to ask. Personally I think he’s doing shady crap.
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What’s the point of having him around if he isn’t helping 
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Shit I would of loved for my husband to go to work and pay all the bills…
My cards in life were different. I had to work 2-3 jobs , raise two boys and do all the house work , shopping , making sure they did their homework…
I missed a lot of things with them but I do not regret it…
The struggle is real…
You said he takes care of you money-wise but won’t do anything with you. So pack you and your daughter up and tell him why you are leaving and you would like child support.
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He works 7 hours a day that’s nothing!! Plus you own the business so I doubt it’s even hard work he does, he should help around the house definitely DIY Stuff! He is a lazy dad tell him that it bothers you but more importantly it will affect your daughter she’ll start asking questions and then he can answer why he can’t be bothered or if he does complains like a child!
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He enjoys life exactly how it is. I doubt this changes.
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What does he think you do at home all day? Just because you do not work outside the home doesn’t mean you are not running around buying groceries, cooking, laundry, the list is non stop! One day don’t do anything and when he comes home he will see what you do!
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You stay at home all day while the child is at school for 7 hours or what ever it may be and yeah so be it being a 7 hour shift his still busting his ass to support himself and his family. You’re at home all day and have a good 7 hour window to clean the house ect, what are you whinging about?
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I don’t think you should discount his contribution to your household. You said he does the working outside the home and pays all the bills. That’s a huge load off your shoulders. But I also think that when you just need am extra hand, he should give it. My husband is the breadwinner, and I’m the one that holds down the home, but if I’m sick or injured or just having a day, he isn’t afraid to pitch in to help me, either.
As for family outings…that’s a must for me. My husband and I take our kids to do a lot of things. I wouldn’t be able to do it without him, he is such a huge help, and since he works 7 days a week most weeks, sometimes 12 hours a day, it really gives our kids a chance to spend time with him. Just explain to your husband that this is a sticking point to you, and why. Is he worried about money? Maybe he skips outings in order to save the cash. I know there was a time when our outings had to be carefully planned for that reason.
Maybe you should get a job and let him hire a housekeeper, a cook, a babysitter for your daughter when she is not in school.
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You work more than him.Don’t let it slide, because the more you wait , the more he get use to it ,and is going to be a day when you are going to blame yourself for excepting it. I know that happened to me. Good luck.
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This isn’t a healthy relationship you need to openly communicate with him
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This is why I’m single
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He works outside the house, you work at the house and he should at least acknowledge that you’re not sitting around eating bonbons all day. Your relationship is not fine if he’s not interested in family outings. Thats a red flag. What is he interested in if not his daughter and wife? Someday he’ll wonder why she has no relationship with him.
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