My partner saves co workers photos to his phone: Should I walk away?

My partner of 6 years & husband of nearly two years had inappropriate pictures of friends & co workers on his phone. These pictures weren’t sent to him by these women, he got them off social media. A co worker of ours posts pictures in lingerie all the time for contests to make extra money. We work in a male dominate place and guys talk, I knew what was going on but I told my husband right off the bat, if I found those pictures on his phone I would lose it. Well not only did I find hers but also pictures of my BEST FRIEND from her social media. Pictures of her a** coming out in swim suits and enjoying life traveling. I don’t blame these women at wall, especially not my best friend. If anything, I find it creepy of him going through Women’s social media screenshooting these images. I should state I’m 26 & he’s 11 years older… I’m also currently expecting our third child. In the past, I’ve communicated how I don’t feel like he finds me attractive and I would appreciate more affection from him. He’s constantly turning me down in bed and his excuse is always exhaustion or “I physically can’t”. I never reject him and I’ve never done anything to make him feel less. I think he’s a great dad and overall good person. We are literal best friends. Our only issue has been sexually. I don’t think he’s attracted to me. I’ve previously found a video as well from years back with one of his girlfriends that was saved on his Google drive. He claimed he could never delete it and is not tech savvy. But when I found it, it said it’d been last seen 3 days before… he claimed he was trying to delete it. This was 2/3 years ago but now I find these pictures… it’s like he constantly needing more and I’m not enough. He can’t keep it up during sex and when I tell him we should go see a doctor he claims he has and they don’t do anything for him. Im not ugly and I don’t need him. I have a successful career and I make well over $135K on my own. But my children are my everything. Although just pictures I feel like he cheated on me and I will never be comfortable around him and my best friend. And it will take a while to build trust and even want him physically. But my real question is, should I try to make it work and go to therapy? I’m due in just a few weeks and I’m scared. I’m also afraid all this stress and pain is hurting my baby and could go into pre term labor. Please send advice & no shaming!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-partner-saves-co-workers-photos-to-his-phone-should-i-walk-away-r/20520

He may have an issue with sex, but it’s not your issue. Whatever you decide, you should remember that. It’s not about him not being attracted to you. It’s a psychological issue that is solely on him.

Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart with him. If he isn’t willing to change or step things up or at least talk to you about what’s going on in his head… You need to walk away. You’re more than capable of sustaining you and your children without him. There are plenty of men in this world who would treat you right.

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I wouldn’t put up with it.

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You said it, you don’t need him. Leave, he sounds like trash.

The disrespect!
Love yourself more. If this guy was doing this to your best friend or sister what would your advice be?
I personally have no issues with dropping anyone who affects my life negatively.

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I wouldn’t put up with it and it doesn’t see. Like he’s gonna stop so it’s time to move on

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Kick him to the curb

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I wouldn’t go to therapy. He’s sexualizing literally every woman he knows. I’d run.

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You say he is a good father and you are best friends so then coparenting should go well. Being friend and being in a serious relationship is completely different. You could try therapy, but that’s if he is willing to even go. I would separate and work on you and the children. If he really wants to be with you he will fight for you and make things better. Gain your trust again. He’s gotta put in the effort not you!

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Leave girl.red flags are flying high.

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It’s sad n heartbreaking that your bringing a baby into what’s already a disaster. Prayers 4 u n your family.

Tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t respect your feelings/make a change then walk away but try to resolve first.

You could stop looking at his phone :woman_shrugging:t2:

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If he found pictures of your male friends or his male friends on your phone he would not be happy & he’d probably leave you in a heartbeat , I personally would leave

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It seems like he’s sexualizing every woman EXCEPT for you and that is a huge turn off. My husband, I know views dirty pics but it’s not of people we know and he’s still always trying to be intimate with me.

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Wouldn’t put up with that he’s majorly disrespecting you you don’t need him x

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Men like this one never stop. He is not sexually attracted to you. He
Is looking for others. Therapy doesn’t always work. You need to make up your own mind if you want to stay or leave

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I claim bullshit. He has a problem and is totally disrespecting you. Get out now.

I would leave you can still co parent especially since you said hes a great dad. I would say you deserve someone who is very obviously attracted to you and wouldnt be such a horrible partner to be having pics like that especially of people yall know and the best friend thing ? Nope nope on that alone id be gone .

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Walk away, you can successfully co parent! You deserve better :heart:

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If he isn’t willing to work it out or work on it and change some shit up bc you just doing it won’t change what needs to be changed by him. He is not interested anymore so let him know you can either try to work on it together or you can leave now save y’all both some time

Why would you stay with someone who makes you feel this way?! I don’t believe in sticking it out for the kids because they will know you guys are miserable together and it will in turn make life uncomfortable for them. It is better to leave and try to co-parent so at least you can still be civil if not friends while doing it. In the end you will all be much happier.

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Divorce is okay but stay in a marriage where you are undervalued and unloved isn’t okay. Show your kids that you deserve more and they will appreciate it more.

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The best “therapy” you can get is to WALK AWAY​:bangbang: its not going to stop… Show him how much you DONT need him and take care of yourself & your family :heart:

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You don’t need him, and your children can have a relationship with him without being married. You all deserve someone who wants to be with you and love you

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Wait until after the baby is born and your hormones settle. Go to marriage counseling to see if you can get any insight into why he behaves the way he does and see if you can salvage the relationship. In the meantime, do some research on divorce in your state and start preparing. If you decide to stay, no harm done, but if you decide to leave, you’ll have the upper hand. Think about putting in a clause about his not having other women around when he has the kids in case he is sleeping with a series of women when the kids are around.

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The answer is leave. It’s not one girl it’s multiple.

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One line in and yah leave

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… I found out that one of my friends boyfriend’s was saving my social media pictures to his phone to " take to the bathroom "
So as a person who had their pictures saved by a perv, it was disgusting. I blocked him from everything and told him how gross it was. I wasn’t the only one he saved pictures of either.
A lot of women here saying just don’t go through his phone. Okay, but these women should know that some creep is saving their pictures.
If he last opened the video with his ex three days ago, it means he’s been watching it. It’s pretty simple to delete things.
I’d let all the women know he’s saving their pictures and let them decide what to do ( to block him, to confront him etc )
I’d let him know what you’re feeling. He’s sexualizing every woman except you. The one he’s meant to be intimate with. Let him know you’re not going to deal with it anymore and he should seek some help.

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“My partner saves his coworkers photos to his phone”
“please send advice”
:joy::joy::joy:

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Sorry but he’s disrespecting you big time esp having a pic of your friends on his phone wonder if their partners know and accept this if my man was so obsessed with pictures of other woman he’d be gone he’s a married man with kids he’s a perv hope you get this sorted out maybe counseling would help if he would go with you if he refused he’d be gone sorry

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I was married to someone who did that. Cut and pasted heads on peoples body too. We ended up getting divorced and he was eventually arrested for hiding a camera in his step daughters bedroom and bathroom. So run girl run!!! Something is very very wrong!!

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Wow you just unloaded soooo much! Please take that man to therapy. You stated he is your best friend, so try to make this work. Relationships are hard work. You will have to try at times. Everyone expects everything to be sun shine and rainbows all the time. Please go to therapy together. All of these sound like he’s going through something he is scared to talk to you about. Men do some very strange things when they are experiencing ED. And I am sure you are completely maxed out with everything. Be kind to yourself and your husband. You will get through this. Baby steps xoxo

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If he’s willing to go to therapy then try that. I still wouldn’t trust him though.

He sounds like a total creep I would for sure leave

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Run. don’t look back. Sexual predators do that

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you’re already set on what you want, advice not needed on this matter, because most of us are going to tell you to leave the creep, but you want therapy… idk

Sexual predator 100%

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I would leave him. You deserve better. He is more into having a relationship with less baggage

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You need to end it , he’s not going to change trust me ,
it sounds like he can only get off sexually if it involves being secretive and seedy.
I knew a man like this and 10 years on he’s still the same.
He’s disrespecting you and you definitely deserve more

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If he’s open to therapy go ahead and try it. If he’s not, walk away…… you and your children don’t deserve stress

Why are you still with him and having another baby? Where is your self esteem

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You’ve answered all your own questions. Walk away.

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Yeah, I think I would need to end this relationship. Pictures of your best friend? That’s a huge overstep I couldn’t forgive.

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Don’t stay for the kids! Sounds like they will be safer when you leave qnd make him pay support. Tell your friends and their spouses what he’s doing. Yeah Facebook is public and they are putting their pictures out there but those pics can be hidden from certain people or they can just block this pervy person.

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I’m sorry but after the first time you should’ve called it quits. He only continues to do it & flat out tells you no is because you allowed it. He’s not going to change he’s not going to take your feelings serious because it’s been years of you putting up with it. You know? It sucks but that’s what happens when you allow someone to disrespect you. The only options you have is 1- continue to put up with it or 2- leave. You need to love yourself. Your children are important yes. But your mental health & your well being are far more. It’s useless to say “I love my kids” when you are not okay. When you’re not happy. You love your children? Then show them that you are a happier parent by walking away from a relationship that’s not even a relationship at all.

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There is a difference between being a good father and a good husband.
Hes a good father. Awesome.
He’s a shitty husband
Sorry.
When you respect and love your wife you don’t do crap like this. It’s gross. He obviously has “drive”. He just doesn’t with you. Instead of working at it, he turns you down and then Ogles pictures of people he not only knows, but sees on a regular basis.
You can still be great co-parents without being romantic. Split and one day you’ll find someone who treats you with respect and dignity.

I’d leave tbh you have the mea s to do so you would probably be happier and more confident. You don’t need that kind of disrespect he won’t change only hide it.

Honey, you don’t need this. Take the kids and go. Or kick him out. He’s not going to change or stop. You can make it on your own. Let Mr. Seedy have his fantasy world.

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Girl run :running_woman: … He’s a creep for taking those photos and saving them first of all. Second, your best friend?? He has no respect for you.

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Like you said you don’t need him , leave x

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Run run , get your own help. Don’t get stuck,

Run! My ex would walk around the store where he worked while on the clock and off the clock taking pictures of his coworkers and customers butts. He would also go to the DVD and poster section and zoom in to take pictures of mostly naked women zoomed right in at the crotch. Super creepy. I should’ve turned him in, but I was young and didn’t know what to do. He played it off as being normal male behavior. I’m older now and know that is not normal behavior at all. :nauseated_face::nauseated_face::nauseated_face::face_vomiting::face_vomiting::face_vomiting:

You’ve got a problem. He’s impotent and the rest may or may not fall under that.

I feel like from your post this isn’t a new situation. And it sounds like you’ve been unhappy for a while and that he’s refused to change his behavior and refused counseling and help :woman_shrugging:
So I don’t think anything will improve or get better. Maybe you’ve reached that point where you aren’t able to continue. Only you can answer that for yourself. But it sounds like he’s a good Dad and you’re financially stable, so I wouldn’t let those things dictate your decision.

Everyone is so quick to say leave your relationship; In the end if you’ve tried to fix it and you can’t, then yes by all means leave, but will that in the end make you hurt even more? Will you wonder if you tried enough? Everything has become disposable. What he is doing, certainly isn’t okay, especially if it makes you uncomfortable, but as adults and humans we need to give each other the opportunity to make it right. Try marriage counseling, try couples therapy, work together, convey how you feel instead of using words that feel like an attack. So many people in this world window shop without realizing that it’s hurtful. Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do.

If this was ur daughter or best friend what would u say to them? You would tell them to leave right so why wouldn’t u take ur own advice

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Extremely creepy behaviour and he won’t change. No matter what you do, this is him.

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It sounds like you have tried everything you actually can and he isn’t budging. I would say it’s time to walk away. You’ll drive yourself insane if you think he is going to change and he never does.
Definition Of insanity:
Doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome :disappointed:

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YOU Already know the answer !!!
Red Flags DON’T turn Green!!!
Plan, Leave-Move On & Healthy Co-Parent for the sake of your children !!!

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I agree that it’s totally creepy. Big red flags

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If you want to try to make your marriage work, then go to counseling. However, trust is something that will take a long time to rebuild and you will need to understand that. He is going to have to be open and honest with you.
If your relationship is not a happy and healthy one for you, it isn’t for your children. Children do not make a marriage work.
I would try to get past this until you have the baby. Try to relax and reduce your stress level until then.
Take care of yourself and your little ones!

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Well you can stay with him longer and eventually write back into us about how you found pictures of your childrens friends on his phone

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i definitely get a feeling from your words !
firstly the feeling is going have already adjusted to the idea of being alone and frankly your fine with that . it means you have emmotionally disconnected and so has he.
secondly your only staying from fear of losing your kids . which you will not if you follow appropriate court orders etc and get some in place.
personally i would leave. the trust , the passion, the love, the want …
it’s not there anymore.
he is cheating on you.
please stop wasting your life

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It sounds like he may be wanting, to move on. The grass is not greener on the other side.

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He’s forsure cheating when he gets lucky. It’s gonna hurt but walk away. Especially for your peace of mimd

There are 8 billion people on this planet, and your husband chooses your best friend and a co-worker to save inappropriate pictures of. No! Just no! Gross! Also, your husband’s inability, or willingness, to preform with you might stem from a porn addiction. Some men are so addicted to porn, that they have a hard time preforming with their partner in real life. Do some research on this. It’s really a thing! He needs to come clean, and get some help, or you just need to move on without him. Give him this last chance to get it together, for real this time, and let him know you’re done if he’s not willing to do everything needed to save your marriage.

Leave him. You don’t Need him.

This hurts my heart for you. You deserve better.

Time to go!! You say he can’t get it up when you have sex well obviously he’s getting off on them pictures on his phone!! Definitely has problems.

Leave he won’t change

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Therapy is a waste of time he’s sexualizing every woman he sees for the sake of you and the kids walk

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It’s a special wound to be rejected and replaced by literally nothing.
I lived like that.
If you want to look yourself in the mirror and not feel “less than,” and if you want your children to know what love looks like…I mean, maybe therapy would work for you…my a-hole refused to try, but I wish I had been able to leave a long time before I did…

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Does he know it’s against the law to do this?

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Get you some pics and see how he feels and then leave

Have bubba and move on

Red Flat hun . I walk out if I find photos of other women. . Do not stay for children. U be the one miss out on true love . Good lucky hun

That is very creepy. Especially when he has a wife to look at. Therapy doesn’t always help. If he is creepy, he is creepy. I would leave.

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My advice: screenshot all of the evidence. Hire an attorney and file for a divorce. He won’t win in this case. He may not be physically touching them, but if you don’t leave now, it’ll only get worse. And PLEASE don’t ever stay with a man just because y’all have kids together. It’ll mentally damage your children. Leave while you can.

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For sure, if I were you, I would seek therapy for myself. I hope that you get the help you need & deserve. :sparkling_heart:

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Tell those women, that is way creepy and I’m sure they wouldn’t approve. I’d also leave personally, videos, pics, lying all no go for me

Girl, your man is saving seductive pics of your bestie and other girls, why would you keep him around?

If he’s nor getting it from u he’s getting it from somewhere.

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Sounds like he’s stalking

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Many red flags. You stated you’ve told him before you’d lose it if you found these things and it definitely sounds like it’s hurting your peace of mind not to mention isn’t what a loving faithful husband should be doing. Your call if you can live with knowing he doesn’t respect you. If you stay- therapy. But will you ever trust him? Think of what’s best for your children- not in the sense of “being a family together” but teaching the kids what true love and respect is in a relationship

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If he cared for you at all he wouldn’t be doing any of this.

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I would suggest you tell him to pack his bags and leave. If you respected you and your relationship as well as valued you, he wouldn’t hv done what he did in the first place which should tell you exactly how he feels about you. Women are teaching men what they will accept. I hv been in relationship after relationship where they are emotionally and physically abusive, lie, cheat, disrespect me, say sorry say I won’t do it again and always do it again. We need to respect ourselves more and say enough is enough if you don’t respect me I am gone. The first time anything happens and if it happens again, leave or leave the first time.

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