My partner works out of state and isn't there for my pregnancy: Advice?

Anyone else has a partner leave to work out of the state during pregnancy? I’m almost 14 weeks, and he’s not been to 1 appointment and we hardly are able to talk, I’ve not seen him in over a month, and I’m not even sure he’s going to be here for the birth. I’m starting to feel very sad and alone even though I know he’s working to support us. This is not my first pregnancy, but my ex-husband was at every appointment and always there for me, so I’m definitely feeling a little unloved, any advice helps.


That’s tough. I am sorry you feel this way and I can relate. My husband missed both of our pregnancies due to the military. It’s tough but stay strong! It’ll make you stronger in the end and just send him lots of updated so he feels included.

Most people can’t go to appts because of Covid. Have you thought about FaceTime? Mine had a hard time being at my appts pre-Covid. They just don’t always get into it.


Been there with 2 of our 3 children. It sucks. Find a friend who can help you support wise.

My husband wasn’t around for either of my 2 pregnancies, not by choice. With the first we were both in the military and stationed in different states and with the 2nd I was no longer in the military, but he was and was deployed the whole pregnancy. Luckily he was able to be there for both births. My advice would be lean on friends or family and you got this!

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Have you talked to him about moving to the state he works in? Seems kind of weird to work in another state from where you live

With Covid restrictions, he more than likely would not be allowed in your appointments anyway. I’ll be 14 weeks on Saturday. My husband is only allowed to come to 2 appointments; the anatomy scan, and an echocardiogram they want to do at 24 weeks. At the birth, I can only have one person, which will obviously be him.


My husband is gone mon-fri and 2e have 5 kids. 2 have been born since him working out of town. He was here for 20 week ultrasounds and delievery.

It happens not being insensitive but would you rather be homeless or allow him to work and provide?


If you’re able to I’d try to relocate to where he’s working unless you can’t move out of state due to your older child and custody

My husband was a traveling electrician for 7 months of my second pregnancy. He left right after we found out I was pregnant and came home a month before delivery. We were able to facetime multiple times a day so we could take and my daughter could see him. Emotionally its ALOT, even more because you’re pregnant and hormonal. I’ll sayvtalk as much as possible and make sure you have other family and friends around to help and keep you going.

Has he always worked out of state like this? If so then you cant really expect much, u knew it going in…


My husband was in the military for my first two children. He never went to an appt. He was working, in another state and another country. Talk when you can, write letters. It will be okay. I even flew him in for the first one and he barely made it. It will be okay

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Just remember why he’s doing it and take advantage of what you can we lived together and he worked so much we barely seen each other till my daughter was 6 months old and we were both back to full time plus. I know it’s hard

Assuming, he had this job when you met him and prior to getting pregnant?

My hubby was at every single appt with our 2 previous kids then covid hit. I had to ft him while he waited outside. You cant record due to HIPPA laws but ft is still a good way to share and if he doesnt have time most appts are just measurements and bloodwork. Talk to him to see if he could set aside time for ultrasounds which are really the only interesting ones. Talk to your DR. About induction then he can maybe schedule time off for the birth.

I had 3 children, and I don’t remember my husband going to the doctor with me.


My husband travels out of state every week. He was never at any appointments, pregnancy or pediatrician, unless they were ultrasounds. My advice is to find a good support system through a friend or family member. Obviously still talk to your SO and keep him updated as much as possible. But if you want someone in person (or as in person nas we can be during COVID), find a friend or family member.

I relate a lot to this. My first 2 with my ex husband he was always around and took work off for certain appointments and was all around, still is, a great father. I didn’t realize that til just last year…how blessed I was to be married to a man that behaved like a man. A good one even. We divorced 4 years ago and our girls are now 13 on Saturday and 12 in September. Anyways I got pregnant with a real twat of a dude I was with last February but didn’t know til after we had already split. He came back to try and make it work for baby but it was a waste of time. End result was me spending 80% of pregnancy on my own. He went to maybe 5 appts total and it was high risk so I was ALWAYS having U/S and appts. It wasn’t easy but it’s life. It could be worse. Trust me. As long as he’s there for gender scan and birth…I’d consider yourself lucky especially since covid restrictions would make him not able to go to many anyhow. If you are being provided for and so is baby and he isn’t cheating and you know you’re loved…try n just enjoy the time you have to sleep n grow baby and lounge around doing whatever you want basically. You’re gonna miss it once baby comes lol. I promise. Good luck and count your blessings and things you have to be grateful for. I’m not exaggerating when I say a lot of us have been single mammas since day we got positive pregnancy test but the fathers were dickheads. Good luck.

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I had my kids years ago, but my husband didn’t come to one appt, didn’t come into the delivery room, left the hospital promptly at 7:30 so he could hit the bar to “share the news”. But he was a great daddy once I came home from the hospital.

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My sons dad did that and come to find out he was cheating the whole time and going out every weekend to bars🙄


Many military spouses go through this when their husbands are deployed. Having friends as your support system is critical and keeping your hubby involved when possible is important too. Sending pics, FaceTime, etc.

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Girl its covid outside. He probably wouldn’t be allowed anyway


14 weeks? I couldn’t even get a first appointment until I was 12 weeks. :joy: You sound hormonal.


My bf works 2 hours away but drives to and from work daily. I’m currently 24 wks pregnant with my 3rd (all my pregnancies have been high risk) and he has gone to maybe 1 or 2 appointments overall. It doesn’t make sense for him to leave work for all of the appointments, especially since many of them are only 15 minute plus then I go every 4 weeks for ultrasounds. He will work from home to watch the kids while I go to the doctor if we can’t find a sitter. It can feel lonely going alone, Even more so if you have complications. At the end of the day as long as they’re there for you to comfort you whether in person or on the phone, that’s all that matters.

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Unfortunately you knew what kind of work he was doing when you got with him and before you got pregnant… I’m sure he’s not meaning to work out of state but that’s his job, especially if he has to provide for his family more than ever. You shouldn’t compare you ex to your current how disrespectful is that? You need to take a deep breath and tell yourself you can do this! There’s so many things like talking on the phone, texting, video chatting. I understand he’s not physically there but think about how hard he is working for not only you but his baby.


I’m sorry but Unless it is a new job you knew he wasn’t gonna be there for the appointments and such before you guys got pregnant. Plus he’s working to support his/you guys family…

I’m old. Men didn’t come to doctor appointments, though I think my hubs came to one ultrasound. Men didn’t even used to be allowed in the delivery room three generations ago. You’ll be fine, just like military families, others stationed away from home for work like State Dept, CIA, others in areas where family isn’t allowed. At least you know where he is.

Find a friend/family member to support you as you go through this. Is he close enough you can visit on weekends? Or if you’re not working outside the home, maybe meet him for dinner & an overnight during the week. Technology has given us new ways to communicate.

BTW Congratulations! Maybe find a fun hobby to do to keep your mind occupied while he’s away. A pregnancy exercise class, puzzles, knitting, bird watching, whatever.


My husband didn’t go to any of my appointments but I never cared he was working to support us. He was there for both of our children’s births and has been an amazing dad.

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But you divorced your husband. So his attendance to your appointments didn’t make a difference. My husband never went to my appointments. I didn’t know the difference.


My husband was living in another state for work when I was pregnant with our first. He came to the important stuff, but I was basically on my own. It is what it is. You’ll manage. Might want him around for the raising part though. Pregnancy is the easy part tbh. I suggest he find a new job or you move.

Have him quit his job so he can be there. Or you move to where he is. You have options.

Get a grip, did he work out of town before pregnancy?

It’s normal for you to want your partner to be involved in milestone moments and interacting with you. All you can do is discuss how you feel with your partner. Definitely reach out to friends and family to help fill the void. Good luck!

My ex husband was military he was either deployed or training during all of my pregnancies he missed our middle sons birth and he missed most of the first yr of all their lives…be grateful u have what u have


Would definitely consider moving while you’re early in pregnancy if you’re worried he won’t be there for the birth. Unless you have to stay in the area for your other child, but maybe split the difference depending on your custody agreement? My husband only came to the two ultrasound appointments. Not much reason for them to be there otherwise. Consider enlisting a friend or family member to come with you when possible if you need extra support. If you’re feeling unloved because of it maybe try treating yourself after the visits (Sonic drink, onion rings, iced coffee, etc.) and play some good music. I’m sure it’s hard for both of you but you’ll make it and have a beautiful baby to show for it! :heartpulse:

My soon to be ex-husband wasn’t supportive during my pregnancy very much either… Have you communicated your thoughts and feelings to him? I didn’t, I stayed quiet… and I regret that. Maybe write him a letter if you feel you can’t say everything without getting too emotional? Hormones are hard, pregnancy is hard, raising babies is hard. You deserve to have someone to support you, even if it’s through texts and phone calls while he is away. :heart:

Wait, it isn’t his choice to work that far away is it? If it is and he has a choice to work closer to home then I see your point. If he is doing this because he has to in regards to supporting you and the new baby then you need to put on your big girl panties and come to terms with it. You have a right to your feelings,don’t get me wrong, it would be hard to go through it alone. But he isn’t there because he doesn’t want to be. He is just trying to make a living.

My husband was in the army for most of our pregnancies. It sucked, a lot. Because he was always gone for trainings or deployments. Just try to include him when you can (sharing updates and ultrasounds). I will also say with our first child my husband wasn’t really connected, he didn’t really connect and become a dad until our oldest was born. Sometimes dads don’t always feel that bond until baby is actually born, and him being away so much likely doesn’t help either. You’re only 14 weeks too, so it’s still early and you’ll still have many more appts to come.

We have 4 kids and my husband has been to a handful of appts. He doesn’t have to sit in a waiting room. He cannot work from the waiting room. Send him pics of the sonograms and update him! It’s nice your ex did it, but your ex is an ex for a reason. You can’t have it all. Involve your partner in other ways.

You’re only 14 weeks. Give him time

Dude it’s doctors appointments?! Seriously get off the gas… they don’t need to be there to hold your hand at every single appointment you have… geez

Where I’m from they have restrictions and don’t even let a second person in the room right now due to covid. But they allow you to face time. Maybe try that instead?