My son has been acting out since my mom and her foster child moved in: Advice?

I am at a loss. My son turned five recently, and my mother and her foster child (age 7 had his sense eight weeks) the same the night before and are staying through August. My son and I are currently living in her summer house. My son had been a pretty good kid, quiet, respectful, and kind. Since my mom and the other child arrived, he like a whole different child! He whines, cry’s, hits me, and throws things, and it’s over the smallest stuff like suggest we go on a walk instead of the Wii full 30 min meltdown. Hit me, threw things at me, screamed, and cried. I can’t even get to sit for a time out because he refuses, too, and I injured myself a few weeks back(unrelated to him)and can’t physically move him. Already this morning I had to walk away because I wasn’t sure what I would do if we were together, I’m a single mom, so there is no one else to bounce off of. Thanks for any help.

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He’s jealous and acting out for attention.

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Take him somewhere away from the other child and do something just the two if you see if he still acts like that .

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Definitely sounds like jealousy.

The more you allow the behavior the worse it will get.

Big changes in his life will make big emotions. He probably doesn’t know how to identify them to talk about them. Make sure that the older kid isn’t bullying him. Alot of times, kids act out when they get picked on.

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Have you tryed to calm him and ask him what’s wrong ect … on non related time maybe sit down and ask him how he feels recently an how he feels about the other child ect

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Maybe hes just acting out infront of the other kid cause he might not understand why the kids there if hes fosterd maybe if u explain to him also if u threaten him with taking him back homw if he keeps acting out he might behave

Sounds like he feels he is in competition. Huge adjustment for him. One on one talks is necessary and maybe taking him out of the environment more would benefit him

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I recommend the page “parenting with connection” they have a wealth of advice and info on this type of thing. The members are all very kind and not judgmental in the slightest!

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Maybe make sure he has his own space and is still getting plenty of one on one with you. He may be having a hard time adjusting to having the attention split with another child in the home.

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When my son does something major he’s not supposed to I pop him. Right on the bottom. Not enough to leave a mark but enough to where it gets the point across. That he shouldn’t be doing what it is he’s doing. Throwing things at you? I’d swat my son for that. Some mothers or parents don’t approve of it. But it’s your child. And if he’s refusing time out hitting you, throwing things at you, you may not have a choice. After a few times he will stop.

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You need to investigate. My first thought was that the 7yo is bullying him behind your back. Kids will lash out on the closest person to them when they hurting emotionally.

It can also be that he’s never had to compete or share be with another person. He’s confused about where he fits in the new family.

He’s trying to tell you something. Don’t punish him or be mean to him. He’ll loose trust in you & act out more. Do a little detective work. Find out what’s going on.

I’ll give a little example. I was had a friend who had a son my son’s age. The other boy was much bigger & more agreesive. When we were together at one of our homes the mom & I would be talking or whatever while the boys played. Well my son started acting out. Same behaviors you described. I kept asking him what was wrong. He’d say nothing. I punished him with time out & taking things away. Nothing changed. Then 1 day we were over there I caught my son sitting on the other kids bed doing nothing while he played with my son’s toys. As soon as he saw me he threw toys at my son & tried to get him to act like he was playing. Another time I left to go to the bathroom. Found my son in the corner while the other kid was playing. Mom said he was acting up so she put him in time out. I sat my child down & asked him questions. It turns out that when were around them the other kid would take his toys. Usually break them. If he refused to let the other kid have his toys to break, let him win at a game or not follow that moms rules that were against mine he was punished. I cut off contact with both of them & mom harassed me to let my kid come over. Anyway you may not see what’s going on. You only see how HIS behavior affects YOU. You don’t see how others behaviors affect him. You need to find out. Even if you have to hide cameras in the areas they play or put a listening devise on him.

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Take the Wii away not for a hour or two but away unless it’s educational games and then it is only between certain time of the day …if you baby or give in to his "fits " than it’s only going to get worse .you can’t say no snacks and because he decided to behave you give him one .

This child is problem watch out! He probably from a abusive family and that is all he knows! Stop PRETENDING that everything is going to be OK

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It’s actually normal behavior. When a child’s normal routine is interrupted, they act out. At 5, they don’t know how to regulate their emotions as well as older kids and adults so they act out. Be patient and try to get back to a routine. Talk to your son and let him know everything is okay. He needs plenty of reassurance. Good luck, momma. This too shall pass.

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Does the other child act like this? He may just be copying what he sees or he may be jealous. My kids act up more if their grandma is around cause they think they can get by with more. Try taking to him when he’s calm, maybe sit down and color a picture with him or play a game he may open up unknowingly and help you solve the problem. Good luck to you, hope it works out for you both.

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Probably talk to like a child counselor I’m sure hes just acting out because of the change and having another child there and that’s just how he is coping but a counselor could help him use positive coping mechanisms and better ways to express his emotions

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Make sure he’s getting the attention he needs and also assure yourself if you leave your child alone with your mom and her foster child that he’s not being abused whether emotionally, physically or verbally as that can alter a child’s Behavior as well

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What kinds of behaviors does your mother’s foster child have? Even if there aren’t any negative behaviors that your son is learning from there is something your son is trying to tell you that he doesn’t seem to have the words for. Is he feeling displaced? Is he struggling with having to share attention or different rules? Are he and the other child getting along?
If you are sure there is nothing majorly concerning going on- then just reinforce good behavior, remind your son of expectations and hang in there. Transitions and change are hard for everyone!

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It’s a huge change for him, he’s acting out because he doesn’t know how to express his feelings the correct way. He may feel like he needs to fight for your attention because when it was just you and him he didn’t have to share you. Acting out in a bad way is still getting your attention and a response from you. I’d try to find ways you and him can spend time together, possibly away from the other child…park, take him on a bike ride, something that would be fun for him. Take the video console away until the weekends or something like that. If you don’t want to deal with him throwing a fit taking the console way, put it up after he goes to bed at night where he doesn’t know where it’s at. Try a lot of positive reinforcement and if he still acts out while trying that approach he has to have consequences for his actions. Go to a behavioral therapist and they should be able to help.

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He’s use to being the only child. Now there is another child and he’s not getting all the attention. It’s like when when have a child and mommy has a new baby the older sibling goes through a jealousy faze, they are so use to being the only child and he’s not anymore. He has to get use to sharing you, and grandma with someone he doesn’t really know. You need to talk to him and just reassure him that just cause there is someone new that he’s still loved by both of you. Take some time to spend 1on1 with him. I have 3 biological kids and to older step kids me and my man been through this. With all the kids our oldest is 28 and our youngest is 6 plus to grandkids my youngest child and my oldest grand kid are the same age just 4 months apart. When ever my grand kid comes over my son gets so whinny and territorial. He loves his nephew calls him his best friend but gets jealous too.

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Sit down with him and talk to him, maybe the 7 year old is being mean to him behind your back and his taking his anger out on you, it could also be the change and some children like routine and his having difficulty adjusting, but sit down with him and try and see if you can find out what’s bothering him.

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I would definitely talk with a child psychologist. A lot of times kids aren’t sure how to open up about what they feel, or don’t want to confide in Mom. It’s most likely just that he feels mad that he no longer has all your attention, or maybe it’s just causing him anxiety and he doesn’t know how to process this.

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It’s sad that people on this thread are going right for the foster child which it literally says her mother has has had the child since 8 WEEKS. As in infancy so basically they have grown up together but people are so quick to assume the foster child is the problematic not just change of environment and only child syndrome. Sad.

Its just not you and him anymore. He has another child to compete with. Also your mom. Some kids take it as an invasion on their safe space. I moved cross the country to be with my boyfriend. I explained to my son what was happening. Try and explain why things are happening. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

Be compassionate but affirmative not to reward bad behavior. My son’s tested boundaries at that age, really worse as teens and then the infamous I’m grown now. Regardless, I never tolerated disrespect. My youngest however had triggers and ultimately he needed repition and redirecting. I was a single Mom as well and walking away if you get upset is definitely the right thing to do.

As a former foster parent, it isn’t abnormal for the biological children or other foster children to act out when a new child is added to the mix. He is trying to figure out where he belongs in the new order of things. He is use to being the #1 kid or the only child and now there is another one and that other one is taking up his grandma’s attention and is bigger than he is.This is an adjustment period for him and for the foster child. I am sure he isn’t being a perfect angel either and if he is, just wait, this is just a honeymoon period. Make sure that there is are periods of time throughout the day where it is just “him” time with you and with grandma. Also, if they are sharing a room, try to find another place for the foster child to sleep so that your son has his own room and space. And lastly, he isn’t having a meltdown. He is having a tantrum. A meltdown a person doesn’t have control over. It sounds like he has control over his outburst.

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My daughter did something similar when she started preschool. She was an only child and started acting out and I’m pretty sure it’s because she was acting out what she was seeing at school. She’s a lot better now she’s a first grader.

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Honestly it sounds like only child syndrome he’s throwing a fit because there’s another kid around and it’s no longer all about him my best advice would be honestly to ignore it and take away all of his stuff so he learns to act like a well behaved child.

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Sounds like underlining issue with the foster kid. He may be threatening him with destruction if your sons toys or threatening him in general basically being a bully to your son. Nanny cam comes in great use for things like this.

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Its a diffrent routine and situation hes not used to he may be feeling replaced.being 5 he dont know how to put all his emotions and feelings into words. He could feel like he doesnt have your attention so he is acting out not the exact reesponse but anything to get your attention good or bad actions and the bad actions get him a bigger reaction

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Sounds like a lot of anxiety issues too much change for him he doesn’t know how to express his feelings

You just need to give him time to adjust to this situation. Make sure you spend some alone time with him and explain to him this is only a temporary situation and they will be leaving in August. His 5 year old mind only knows that his whole world has changed and he has to compete with someone for your attention and he has to share his stuff with someone in a daily basis. As long as you reassure him that this is only temporary, he may be a little less stressed about it.

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Is he an only child? If so he might just be trying to get attention. Not that you don’t give it to him but that’s how my oldest acted after my second child got here. And a lot of kids once another kid comes around regularly if they’re not used to being in a multiple child household. Correct him when he does something wrong and if he doesn’t listen send him to his room. If it gets really bad a good butt whooping should do the trick.

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It come from change of environment. Alot of kids who dont have a stable environment or a stable home or regular routines this will happen

Is the other child ever around yours when your not around for any amount of time? Could it be possible the other child is hitting him or bothering him in some way? I also agree with the other posters this is a lot of change for him and maybe give him to adjust

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When I lived with my mom and I had my oldest the same thing happened. But my situation was every time he acted out I disciplined, then my mom made me out to be the bad guy and a bad mom?! But then if I did nothing my mom still made me out to be a bad mom! I told her that’s it the next time he acts out on you, you are on your own! And when he did she kept looking at me like really you are not gonna do anything!? “Nope I am a bad mom/bad guy remember? Told her he acts out on you because he thinks he can! And I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t with my mom. My mom realized she had it made with my sister and I when we were little I always told her that. Now she sees my boys and it’s like night and day. More like nightmare at least then.

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Be honest and truthful to your son. Explain the situation and why.
This always worked for my kids.
He needs to understand and can’t if you don’t talk to him
Also watch the interaction between the three of them. You might find clues.

I’d be concerned because foster children have real issues and have a hard time growing up, be aware of his behavior and the foster child’s. Maybe talk to him about the kid, sometimes its hard to speak up as a child. Either fear of being told your lying or hurting someone you love like you mom and just mad whats happening.

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Hes 5 years old . They do this . Completely normal . My 4 year old told mr the other day he didnt like me any more . Because I told him to stop playing the xbox. I said great that means I’m doing my job . They are toddlers who are not in control of their emotions . We have to talk to them and assure them .

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Make sure the 7 year old isant hurting him, watch them like a hawk, do get away time with just you and your son. Don’t allow them to sleep in the same room. Have your son sleep with you he may feel more protected

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I’m guessing it’s extra strain on him with new people in your space… spend a weekend away… camping or something. Get him out of the house back with just you for a while he craves his routine and normalcy but doesn’t have the understanding or vocabulary to say so, so he’s expressing himself the only way he knows how!

The foster kid is probably abusing him. You need to find out. Get him to tell you. Foster kids have had it rough. They may not know any other way

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Welcome to parenthood. It won’t stop being that way. Guess what? As parents; you have to live alone and can’t take on even family members. It is too much stress for children to have other people in their own space.

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Spend alone time even if it is a trip for an icecream cone… or a walk. just you and him… talk to him about his behaviour and if it doesnt stop… punish him. He is young not used to sharing mom and can’t explain whats wrong.

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Did you sit down and talk and explain who a foster child is? Sounds to me like he feels a little left out or jealous
Good luck to you and prayers for your little guy.

Let’s just say that a good ass busting would happen if one of mine ever hit, or screamed at me.

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Part of it is a 5 yr old thing. We ended up buying a magnetic alarm for our sons bedroom door. We give warnings and timeouts but when he gets into those fits (hitting, kicking etc) we place him in his room and turn on the alarm. We tell him he can pitch a fit in there and then just ignore him. ( there are no toys in my kiddos rooms) every now and then we remind him the longer he pitches it the longer he stays. It has really helped him to learn to calm himself down. He hates the way the alarm sounds and he knows he will stay longer if it goes off. Allows me the freedom to walk away from his door and do something else.

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His atmosphere has changed. Backlash is expected. However, this behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Sit down and have a converation with him in regards to his behavior. Tell him and let him know that there will be consequences for his actions. If you talk back and i warn you and you cintinue, you loose technology for x amt of time. If you lash out at me and hit me, you lose for 1week, etc. STICK TO THE CONSEQUENCES. Make sure it is something he really enjoys. DO NOT GIVE IN! It will be difficult at first.
He did it, you know he is frustrated, he needs to learn how to better communicate with you.
With that being said, make sure there is just me time with him. And also with his Gram. Often, they are jealous because he probably feels the other child is getting more attention from you and he needs to know that you love him and it is a perception of his. It doesn’t mean you love him any less.

It may help for you to research kubler ross stages of change. Anger, Bargaining, and depression are commonly part of the process of accepting change.

Um isn’t that foster child your foster sibling. The way you refer to her like she is nothing to you. Try to have the siblings do things together. Have them talk to each other. Ask him why he is acting out?

Kids generally regress with their behaviour when they suddenly have to share their attention w another child.
If the foster child came from an abusive home they could be acting it out on your child. It is worth looking into and don’t leave the children alone together with out an adult present.

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Spank his ass and explain to him that his behaviors are not acceptable. It doesn’t matter what the other kid gets to do. Also remember you are living in your mother’s home so bring up the issue with her.

He’s used to being an only child only children live a whole different life than children that have siblings or other children in the household you essentially don’t have to tell them no as often and they don’t know how to share anything time attention or toys. Now he’s in a new reality where there are choices and he doesnt always get his way it’s easy to give an only child thier way there is no one else to disappoint the sudden change in situation could be causing him stress just sit him down and explain that he can’t always have things one way sometimes he has to make sacrifices for others that by giving someone else their way or love you don’t love him less and some kids just have to be reminded they aren’t the center of the universe even if they are the center of yours

Two ways to look at this . the first would be your son 8s use to being only child and getting all the attention and having an issue with sharing…it should change in long run by self. The second is the other kid is doing something to make you child upset or uncomfortable and the behavior you see is him reaching out for help

Sounds like he’s looking for a little bit more attention. However there is a difference between good attention and bad attention and when children want attention they are fine with either. When he has these meltdowns completely ignore him and give him zero attention as soon as he learns to calm himself down, sit with him and talk about his feelings and why he’s acting that way. Then you need to carry out a punishment for that situation each and every time. If it’s about the wii, then no wii for a day or two (kids that young don’t understand time so shorter periods are fine.) Ignoring them during moments like that shows them that they get zero attention when they are acting out however when they are communicating they get all the attention. It positively reinforces communication over tantrums. Aside from the bad moments when he is acting appropriately take the time to complement him on that because you don’t want to turn into a always negative thing. Anytime he chooses to communicate instead of acting out reward him with praise and extra special attention. Son he will understand that there is no benefit of acting out. Make sure you have special alone time with him but also find ways that maybe the 4 of you can bond as well.

Some of that could be video games! Attitude turn horrible when gaming is involved. A really good psychologist told me it’s the equivalent of cocaine on our young children’s minds. Start there, my children were acting similar, when I took the games away within the week they were back to normal… set expectations to be able to play, and limits!! Start there first and if it doesn’t improve than you know it’s something rooted deeper!!!

Sit your son down and talk to him. Maybe something more is going on? Maybe the 7 year old is mean to him? Its definitely worth a try to talk to him

Take away privileges. He’s 5. Tell him if he continues to hit, scream, and hurt you, you will take away his wii. Tell him if he cannot put the wii down when it’s time to do other things, he won’t get the privilege of playing it.

Follow through with those.

It’s a tough one… Could it be that he is jealous that he has to share his Grandma?
You did say it was your mother right?
I don’t know if this one’s on you maybe Grandma needs to spend more time with him… I am a grandma and I can see that happening

What you need to do is take him aside and tell him that is not okay to hit anyone. It’s not okay 2 hit or throw things because he’s not happy. Tell him to use his words if that doesn’t work put him in timeout a minute for his age. It might take some time and going back and forth putting them back in time out but it will work. I know I have three I raised by myself.

should have been eased into the change its a big change for a small child to be sharing his space with new people

He would get everything taken away from him until he could tell me what his problem was.

My lo was like that only child she doesn’t like to share me or my husband with other kids.She 7 now and we don’t have any issue ignore his bad behavior and praise for his good behavior hopefully it will turn around for you.

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I call it “only child syndrome” where the child is no longer the only one and is trying to get more attention

Sounds like he jealous of the other child but also with covid and plenty of changes in routine and cause behavior issues

No no no! My mom was a foster mom and we all got along ,and if there was a problem we did have say so’s

Consult a Dr .Get him help before he hurts you badly.Does the other kid do the same to your mom?

spank his butt hes acting out cause he wants to be the only child in the house but he needs to learn real quick that his attitude isnt gonna change anything and he needs to learn to live with change.

He might just be jealous or there could be more going on try talking to his pediatrician

God bless stop trying to blame foster child for your sons bad behavior. No 8 don’t think any bullying is going on,i think a child so used to having all the attention all of you ,all of everything is hating that just maybe he has to be more accommodating, that while he’s the center of your world he’s not tbe center or the world .try therapy.

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And go beyond the immediate house hold. The timing could just be a coincidence. Is there a possibility of abuse somewhere else?

Therapy is what you need. It could just be the age.

You are the parent, do not let him do that to you it’s unacceptable. Talk to him.

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Throw the xbox in the trash next time he hits you

Why did your mother take him in? IS IT FOR WELFARE MONEY, IF IT IS !IT IS THE WRONG REASON!

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Sana Tariq Hussain I tried all these things who they all said
Talk when he is calm
M busy in work and my boy is ignored
Routine disturbed and much more :slightly_smiling_face:may b these all things are cause now he is alright

Girl whip that ass …that DONT mean you don’t love him,but he need to know who is in charge.stay in a child place,again whip that ass.#oldschool

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He’s wants attention. Try doing more one on one things with him

Have you asked him WHY he is upset…

Discipline no Wii. Do not reward bad behavior

This behavior is unacceptable, no matter what. Show him behavior

Put in a hidden camera

Moving your mom and her foster kid in the house with you guys threw off his home life. He was used to it being you and him and now a 2nd family moved into his home and his space. Me personally, I’d have my mom and her foster kid move out to their own place. My kids home is their home and won’t be disrupted by koving another family in.

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Tell your"stupid" mother that she needs to put him back!AND SAVE YOUR [email protected]

The fact that the OP felt the need to specify that this child is a foster child, is bad enough in the first place. Your just opening the door for prejudice, or maybe that’s what the OP is looking for… idk

Her mother has had this child since they were a newborn, so all of the comments saying “that kid is abusing your kid cause foster kids have it rough” just don’t make any sense… unless this womans mother is abusing her foster child, and in that case I’d be worried she’s also harming her grandchild.

I grew up in foster care. I can’t fucking stand the stereotypes that people still cling to about children in the system.

Holy shit ! For you guys blaming the foster child, shame on you! People like you all are why foster kids have such a bad stigma attached to them. This child is acting out because there has been a change in routine. He just needs clear boundaries set and for her to stick to them. Reassurance , patience and love. He will calm down in a few weeks as soon as he feels comfortable that Mom isn’t going to love the new kid more then him. Geez.

It’s funny how people call for spanking instead of fucking recognizing the kid has had a big change in his life. At his age he can’t express feelings well so instead of fucking going right to spanking maybe I don’t know help him express his feelings better🤷‍♂️ but I’m probably just the dumb asshole to think it huh

He needs his butt whipped

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Remove the Wii. Have it as a reward for appropriate behavior.

Maybe the older new child is mean when noone is around. I would sit with your son. Tell him you won’t be mad if he tells you the truth but you need to know why he’s so angry. You may be surprised by what you find out

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My grandson did this at 4 when change happened too much. She took him to counseling and was engaged to be married. It was shocking to me how vocal a young one will be with a therapist, 2 months worth and he was fine. Just like u it was very uncharacteristic of him. He is secure, now. I think they emotionally get overloaded, with change, daycare change, family change, etc. He can talk it out and understand his life is secure w his mama and he has no worries. :blue_heart:

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Take away his Wii and anything else he loves to play with and if he behaves then he can have 1 thing back each day he does good

Al you can do is reasure and redirect