My son has been throwing tantrums about going to daycare: Advice?

My son is 3 years old and goes to daycare and has been in the same daycare for a little over a year now. I am currently pregnant, however their dad and I haven’t been together for 6 months. Most recently, my son has not been wanting to go to daycare. The past 2 weeks he clings on to me and cried every time I try to leave. Usually I remain calm with him until I can get him to settle down, but this has been causing me to be late for work. Today, I got a little upset with him and was extra firm and not calming. I felt bad leaving his school like that but I was already late for work and its been like this for almost 2 weeks. I don’t know what to do. I tried talking to him, he gets a good nights rest all the time. We wake up and have breakfast together. He hasn’t seen his dad in 2 weeks because he’s been out of town and his work schedule is not consistent. However he stays with his dad two days out of the week, and I’ve noticed on the sign in sheets that he only takes him to school one of the days he’s with him. I have tried to talk to him about it but he just keeps telling me it’s his time with him and that it’s just daycare. I’m wondering if this is what has been causing him not to want to go these past two weeks. Because it’s everyday for the past two weeks he’s been clinging on to me and asking me to hold him and not leave daycare. I just feel stuck because I’m now always late to work and feeling stressed, I’m top of being pregnant

120 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My son has been throwing tantrums about going to daycare: Advice?

Please don’t scold him again, I understand your frustration but he’s trying to tell you something. I would question whether a kid at the daycare is hurting him or making him feel uncomfortable or if it’s the staff

11 Likes

Had thT problem something occurred to make him afraid to be there since he has been there this long dem d some answers

I would look into the day care maybe he’s not being treated right I worked for 2 different day area I quit because how they handled others people children but maybe he’s not being treated right

3 Likes

If it’s started out of nowhere, something must have happened that makes him scared to be there. Kids don’t just wake up one day scared of something that’s been in their routine for over a year.

2 Likes

There’s something going on.

1 Like

My son was like that, but once I left he was always fine, one of the teachers would usually come over and help distract him with food or toys so I could leave and then he would wave out the window and he would be ok for the rest of the day

2 Likes

His dad lets him not go. He will try to manipulate you into not making him go either. Easy to see this is either a result of inconsistent parenting, or somethings shady with the daycare. I’d ask to see video footage of his day, if it’s possible. Send him to school with a hidden mic in his bag, or something.

2 Likes

Is he okay after you leave? It could be his age? Or the change in your house. As long as he’s okay once you leave I would not worry about it too much

If he’s been there for a while and he just started doing it I would be concerned and I would most definitely try to take the time to sit down and just have a very peaceful conversation with him and try to find out why he’s so upset.

1 Like

Ask daycare what he is like after you leave. He may just settle down and enjoy the rest of his day.
Try a sticker chart for each day he separates without drama. Show him. And have small reward st end of each week. Ice cream cone, pick a specific movie to watch with you, etc. Encourage him to participate in preparation for baby,if he wants.
Discuss morning behavior,non judgemental,in evening and again on way to school. Let him know your expectations

1 Like

That’s not the dad. That’s the daycare. Listen to your kid.

3 Likes

You need to make sure there’s not a kid hurting him or a teacher or someone hurting him or making him uncomfortable or something

2 Likes

Have you investigated if there’s something going on at the daycare? I know trying to communicate effectively with kids at that age is kind of hard but he may be getting mistreated and is scared for you to leave him. Try asking him simple answered questions to dig and see if there is something happening you’re unaware of to be on the safe side.

2 Likes

This happened with my son, then I showed up at a time when I didn’t normally show up and figured out the teacher was extremely mean to him. I pulled him so fast.

5 Likes

I would think something is going on there

1 Like

Sounds like maybe you need check out and see why,if he can talk ask him casually so not to scare him.something ain’t right.

Something is going on. He’s telling u something. Watch for other signs also

3 Likes

I used to work at a daycare. Most of the kids cry when they are left and are fine minutes later after the parent leaves. All it takes is a little distraction

2 Likes

Ask the Day Care how your son behaves once you leave. Also ask them if they know of something negative happened that may have precipitated this fear that he has. If he was fine before and now things are difficult for him, suggests that something happened. Is this a licensed Day Care? Are the workers qualified with their ECE Diploma’s?

1 Like

Not always something going on. I watch a 14 month old and she always put on a show for mommy by crying Her mom doesn’t even get back to he car before she stops crying and is smiling. Fyi I’ve been watching her about 2-4 months.

2 Likes

Sounds like may be showing some separation anxiety and you said its been past two weeks. I would suggest leaving a little earlier and give him a hug and letting him know you are coming back. Does he have a stuffed animal that you could put dads sent and maybe a shirt of yours or something to make him feel comfortable when you are away. If you get lunch break face time briefly if allowed.

Maybe something bad is happening at the daycare

2 Likes

:woman_facepalming:t3:please don’t take a hidden mic or camera…This isn’t TV. What dad does is his decision. Toddlers do start throwing tantrums, is there ever a good or right time for it?? Making him act right isn’t being a bad mom but teaching him how to behave. Ask him age appropriate questions if you want to blame the daycare but odds are this is just part of being 3 and dealing with his current lifestyle.

1 Like

as someone who owned a day care for over 30 years and took care of children of children i used to keep, it could be separation anxiety since the dad and mom are no longer together he maybe afraid his mom might leave him also

4 Likes

Does he have a new teacher? Or something may have happened in his class that’s making him not want to go!!! You may want to check into a different place he’s communicating with you the only way he knows how to

2 Likes

Do a pop-up at that daycare! Something is going on there!

2 Likes

Your child needs extra comfort while going through all the changes in his life. Young children don’t have the verbal skills to tell you how they’re feeling yet, so physically showing you is all they can do. Don’t yell or make him feel bad for expressing himself. Just be there for him and help him acclimate to his current situation. You got this, Mama! :heart::people_hugging::heart:

3 Likes

My daughter has been the same way with me since I’ve been 5 months pregnant ! I’m almost 9 months pregnant and she’s been so clingy to me for months now and it’s just separation anxiety , she throws tantrums if I even leave the room for a second , she freaks out if she can’t see me , she has even refused to sleep in her own room the past few weeks . If she’s not in the same room with me she throws her little tantrum . She always has to be up under me 24/7 , I am a stay at home mom so it’s not really an issue but , it’s definitely just separation anxiety .

While something could possibly be happening at the daycare, I would actually lean more towards separation anxiety.

It sounds like your child has been through a lot of changes in the past 6 months. On top of you being pregnant, you and his dad are no longer together and he stays with him for 2 days out of the week but hasn’t seen him in 2 weeks. He could possibly be scared that you will leave him at daycare and not show back up to get him since he hasn’t seen his dad in 2 weeks.

This is a lot for a 3 year old.

8 Likes

He is learning that throwing those fits gets him extra attention from you. Stay firm. They are always fine after you leave. Drop him off, don’t make a fuss.

His entire world has been disrupted. One question is what dad does with his son when he doesn’t go to daycare. If he’s doing special fun stuff, then that’s likely the explanation. Otherwise, it could be confusion. Kids that age feel safer with a predictable routine. He currently lacks that because of his dad’s work schedule. Try sitting down with him and dad and laying out your expectations. Your son needs to hear his father back you up. Award stickers on days when he behaves appropriately (no tantrums). Both of you need to remind him you’ll always be there for him even if you’re living apart. He needs to hear that often from both of you. Kids often blame themselves for this stuff.

2 Likes

They must not be treating him right. My 19 month cries every time I would leave him at the baby sitters. At first he wouldn’t but after a while he would cry. Every time I would pick him up (different times) he’d be sitting in the same chair. Figured the babysitter wouldn’t let him walk around. I get it, kids grab everything and are clumsy but to have them sitting in the same spot all the time was a red flag. Stopped taking him. You should pop up at a time they least expect you and see how they are treating him. Babies cry for a reason and not cause they are clingy to mommy/daddy.

1 Like

Check the daycare first

You already answered your own question about why your child is acting out the last two weeks it’s because dad hasn’t been around the last two weeks so in your sons head he’s scared you’ll do the same thing.

6 Likes

Why don’t you leave earlier to drop.him off?

I am suspicious at this change of behavior. Something is missing. Have you taken him to a doctor ( just in case ?)

3 Likes

If not separatetion anxiety def check that daycare little kids DONT LIKE BEING LEFT WITH PEOPLE WHO ABUSE THEM this was my first thought I don’t trust anyone with my kids and the one time I did a lady was pinching my kid

5 Likes

He prob did that for daddy… Daddy probably ket him home and still does and now he does it with you. My son started at 3 as well… I’d just leave him then 20 min later go in and peep thru the window and he’s perfectly fine.

Also his father leaving and not seeing him can def have some feelings of abandonment and think you’re going to leave too.

4 Likes

He could be getting mistreated at daycare or having separation anxiety from missing his dad or a combination of both.

3 Likes

He could be getting mistreated at daycare or having separation anxiety from missing his dad or a combination of both.

2 Likes

Talk to your sin and ask him what he likes and dont like at his day care school…ask if someone is mean to him or if he is afraid of something or someone…and pay close attention to his answer…definitely start there…also …ask to see the day care camaras if there is video…and you pay attention to his suroundings and actions of all people around him…something is wrong…find out

2 Likes

My son also did this. I learned from the part-time person that he was spanked really hard one day. I pulled him out that day and filed a complaint! She was shut down!

3 Likes

He could be dealing with anxiety from all of the changes around him. While it is important to show sympathy, being firm is also important. I would be curious to know what happens after you leave… how long is he upset after you go, that could help you determine the seriousness of it. Maybe when you pick him up, ask him what has him so bothered. I’m pregnant and have dealt with this a couple of times with my 5 year old, spending quality time together in the evenings and reminding her of what to expect when we’re doing our morning routine has helped.

There is a reason why he doesn’t want to go

1 Like

Probably separation anxiety… you are pregnant which maybe the cause of the extra clinginess.
Most kids go thru the crying phase when dropped off at school/daycare between ages 1-5. It’ll pass. Most daycare personnel know how to handle that because it’s so common… let them handle it and distract him as you quickly leave. Yes, it’s heartbreaking, and honestly it hurts you more than him. Hang in there mama, you are doing a fine job! :revolving_hearts:

Whos paying for daycare? If dad is I wouldn’t worry about it, but id make sure that dad knows he’s acting out because of not having consistency. Is there anyway you can get to daycare a little earlier than normal to have time to do the calming.
My mother ran a daycare for 37yrs. She would tell the mothers to stop at the door hand over the child and leave, they might start to have a fit, but as soon as they were in the door and couldn’t see mom, they were always fine
Best if luck

2 Likes

Something isn’t right. I’m wondering if something is wrong at daycare. Your son has had a lot of changes. You have another baby coming. Dad hasn’t been around in 2 weeks. Sounds like he doesn’t like to go to daycare for dad either so dad gives in to him, one day per week. He probably is afraid of being forgotten. And if someone is coming down on him at daycare, that’s too much for the little guy. Try leaving work early and popping in on the daycare and seeing what’s going on. I know life is tough, but you have to protect your baby.

1 Like

Every daycare should have a open door policy about parental drop ins. I am a firm believer in showing up unannounced at sitters and daycares.
How does he behave once you have left? Is he upset for a few minutes and then settles down? Any change to routine can throw little ones off. They need to be able to predict there day. Dad needs to make sure he is helping with the consistency. We always called daycare “school” for the younger kids once the older kids started school and reinforced by saying “you go to school during the day and Mom and Dad have to go to work during the day and after that we pick you up and we go home”. Two (now 25 and 19) of my four kids have ADHD. Without routine for those two it was chaos.

1 Like

You need to listen to him . Something bad could be happening to him there . They say if your child doesn’t want to be around certain people or certain places you need to listen to them. Something isn’t right

4 Likes

Missing Daddy and worried if you are leaving as well. Give him some extra reassurance and more hugs. Hang in there Momma.

1 Like

Could it be something at the daycare making him not want to go? Or the adjustment to life changes.

1 Like

My son, the closer I got to delivery the more clingy he got and didn’t want to be left at daycare anymore. Kiddos change with their wants even if nothing is wrong.

1 Like

Preschool teacher here. As harsh as it sounds the best thing you can do is get him off you and leave quickly. The longer you feed into the struggle the longer it will go on. Unlatch him from you while saying “I love you and I’ll be after work.” And exit without looking back.

3 Likes

Somethings bothering him. I understand what you’re saying but your son is way more important than being Kate for work

1 Like

How old is he? It could be that your pregnant and extra clingy. If he is treated well at the daycare I’d advise you to give him to the teacher and leave ASAP! The teacher is trained to calm down children like that. Its normal. The longer you stay the more he will cry. I work in child care and see it happen all the time. Once he knows your gone he will likely stop soon

It’s all the change in his life. His dad isn’t there and he’s getting less time with him.

1 Like

Not to mention you’re pregnant and plays a part

1 Like

Dad left the home 6mos ago. He hasn’t seen dad in 2 weeks. That’s the same amount of time he’s been throwing these fits. Mama he feels abandoned. Hes scared to death you’re not coming back. There’s a lot of things you can try.

  1. Set up regular video calls with dad & ask him to reassure his son that he will be back.
  2. Read the kissing hand to him. Put on the brightest lipstick &, kiss his hand every morning. Read the book. It’ll make sense. I love that book.
  3. wash a small blanket, stuffed animal, his lovie n your shampoo. Remind him to smell it when he misses you. It’ll remind him you’ll be back.
  4. put a small picture of yourself inside a milk cap (or 1 similar in size). Poke a hole in it & put it on a string. Together bead it. Make it the right length so your picture is “over his heart”. Tell him that’s to remind him you’re in his heart & he can see you whenever he wants.

There’s so many others you could find or think of. The main thing is to reassure him you &* daddy will be back.

7 Likes

Sounds chaotic for a 3 year old. I’d cry, too. :cry: Bravo to the dad for not dropping him off every single day that he’s got him. Young kids need to be home with their parents when possible.

Children at your son’s age need lots of consistency still and positive reinforcement. Also I feel you on being pressured by your current circumstances. There are answers. But they aren’t cut and dried. I was a single mom and had to experience similar things, and learn as I went. I took a course in child development once, and one of the things I learned is to have soothing conversations with your child whenever it is most convenient. Perhaps on the go, but better when you are sharing an activity such as him helping you in the kitchen, or when you are bathing him. Use appropriate for his age words that could get him to express how he feels about his dad being away from him now(my son is going through this with his stepdaughter who he loves very much. He’s divorcing.). He may say he is ‘sad’, angry, or wishes his dad were there. The point is for him to express his feelings and you to reassure him that you are not going away as well.(that is why he is behaving this way-;especially at daycare). You must, however, be firm as well when dropping him off. Tell him once that you will return and kiss him, turn around and LEAVE. Don’t concern yourself with any tantrum he may have. Perhaps once or twice you can say that you will be back otherwise he may use this as a way to get his needs met constantly. Remember, he is seeking consistency. He will eventually see that this is just another change in activity. When you return to get him, say, “See!, Here I am. And I will be back every day at this time to get you”. He will adjust. The same with his father. Even if dad is reticent in applying the same tactics, you can be the one to help your son adjust to the new circumstance. Perhaps you can have a discussion(if circumstances permit) with him on trying to do something similar with him. Get some help for yourself as well. I did. It really helped in the long run. Even if it’s just to dial a hotline number for resources that will support you in your time of need. It’s amazing how creative and resourceful you can become. Don’t stress. Give yourself a chance and an occasional positive time-out.

A lot of kids do this- my daughter gets upset and then after i leave within a few minutes she’s fine.

I also worked in a daycare and it was like this with a lot of kids. To be honest i think it makes it worse when you stay longer than expected.

What i would do is try to get there a little early and let him know whats gonna happen, mommies going to being you inside to your teacher, mommys going to give you hugs and kisses then mommy has to go to work and I will pick you up later.
You can also ask the teacher to send you a couple pictures throughout the day- some have an app. We did this often. Also you could wait off to the side out of view and then pop in and see how he is.

If you notice any bruises, red marks frequently, bite marks, then i would speak to the teacher about it and if they are aggressive about it then the director. I dont want to discount or rule out abuse or neglect here. But unless their are other signs than just the crying it’s probably just what kids normally do.

Is there a chance that someone there isn’t being nice to him?

You and his father need to have a conversation about what is the child going through…there’s something more going on

1 Like

He is smart. I had my youngest in daycare and caught different workers… Girls… Teasing or doing things to him that I went to the director about… They are not all there to take care of kiddies … Some are evil. Remember that and always just popping unannounced to see what’s going on the best moments for me was when I went in and they had no clue that I was in the building

2 Likes

Someone is probably being mean to him. I would check in with the day care or do a pop up visit. These days you never know.

1 Like

My oldest son would cry and not want to go to his sitter and after we finally moved away from there he told me she was being bad to him and then told me she wiped poop in his face.

1 Like

Can you show up earlier at daycare so you have time to get him distracted so you can leave and arrive at work on time

There could be a lot of contributing factors … but my guess is that he misses the consistency with his dad.

His little world is changing … dad left, you’re pregnant, and now for the last 2 weeks dad hasn’t been available for their routine visits.

This is his way of letting you know he’s frustrated and scared. Talk with the daycare to let them know what changes are going on, so they can be aware. They might be able to make suggestions. Allow more time for drop off in the morning, so you don’t feel rushed & can take time with him in the morning, and so you won’t be late for work. Talk with Dad about video calls, so even though your son can’t physically be with his dad, he’ll know dad is available and still around.

Also, be preparing him for the birth of your next child by including him in the process.

Good luck

It’s his time, he shouldn’t have to take him if he doesn’t want/need too. It’s normal for kid’s his age to throw tantrums. I’m sure he calms down soon after you leave. It’s no one fault so leave dad alone.

3 Likes

Mmm it could be the big changes but I still would be questioning the school and teacher since he’s been there so long.

3 Likes

What does you daycare say - does he calm down after you leave - or do they spend time calming him down? Reason I ask - We had a family daycare. When parents break up and child custody is split - the child doesn’t understand- he might act up and Daddy just keeps him - so maybe it’ll work with Mom( :wink:)
However many of the kids would act the fool and keep their parents there - just like you. But if the parent would just drop them off, kiss good bye- and go - there wasn’t much of a chance to get started- in fact, a few parents would leave - only to sneak through - our house door ( we had two front doors daycare one and our house door)- and see their kid just joining in. So try it - as far as Daddy not taking him - that’s something you’re going to have to figure out. :v:t4::sunflower:

Not sure why he would have to take the kid at all if it’s his time with him. However it’s possible someone at daycare isn’t being nice to him. Maybe ask your son why he doesn’t want to go and see if something can be figured out.

3 Likes

Someone must be being mean to him. Kids or maybe the teacher. When you go loom at your soon to see if he looks around that means he is looking to make shure the person that is being mean to him is not around. Same happaned to my kid and it happened to be it was the teacher that was not nice to him. Had to talk to her and after my son was ok staying at daycare

1 Like

Hes being abused by someone. Of ots a sudden change thats what ot is. It happened to my son. Dont ignore him. Get him out of there

2 Likes

Have you tried talking to the daycare to see if anything has changed at daycare? My one twin started to hate school and didn’t want to go, would throw a fit and wouldn’t let anyone sleep at night because of her anxiety. Found out the teacher split them up in school to work on independence. We asked they be put back together since it is really our decision, and voila…back to normal.

4 Likes

Wow, You must have many emotions going on, So does yourson, He misseshis dad too. Talkto his doctor, maybe there is someone they can have you talkto,too, he may be having a hardtime with a teacher or another toddler.

My son still does that at 5 all my kids did it until then. They are always 99% of the time fine once out of sight. It sometimes is to try and make you feel guilty leaven them there. Plus your pregnant they pick up on these things

2 Likes

If he’s been fine until now, you need to talk to his teacher. Something is going on. Is he fine after you leave? If he is, not worries. If he’s not, there could be a problem.
As far as dad not taking him 1 day a week, I find it hard to buy that’s causing any problems. And dad is right. I commend him not running to get rid of him.
For new, plan on arriving earlier. Plan on 10 minutes. Get an egg timer. Once ot goes off, you leave. The teacher should be distracting him.

2 Likes

Find a different daycare asap

2 Likes

Take him out of this daycare something wrong

2 Likes

Normal. Matter of fact attitude, routine. So create a familiar routine of when and how you leave. Mine was, to door, drop off bag, shoes and put them away… hugs n kisses, I love you. I know you are… (acknowledge childs feelings) But you will be ok and have fun with your friends. Mommy going to work now… I will see you after work, have a great day. Hug, kiss, leave. Don’t drag it out… try to make it quick… 5 minutes, tops. Likely child is just fine as soon as you are out of sight…

3 Likes

He has two major life changes with Dad leaving and a new baby on the way. Give him extra love and assurance

7 Likes

I agree with lots of the comments on consistency, all the changes, and pregnancy. But I also think it’s a phase. My 3 year old does the same thing. It’s a major struggle every morning. We went through it with her sister at the same age. Unfortunately it lasted about 3 years. :woozy_face:

2 Likes

I worked in daycares for years. Consider the fact that there might be “something” or “someone” who frightens him. Doesn’t mean anything bad is happening, could be how he feels. Just a thought,

2 Likes

I think he is upset because his dad isn’t homeless of the time. He is scared and confused. Hopefully he gets better with time.

I’d be worrying about what’s happened at daycare for him not to want to go

5 Likes

Momma something is going my son never cried like that he wines sometimes and I gotta turn the negative to positive and remind him he has friends and food and nap time and the park and games but if he is crying maybe the teacher is being mean to him do they have cameras there look into that behavior kids can speak words like us so they react in ways xoxo

1 Like

Kids that age don’t cry like that unless something is going on I apparently.did it and my parents figured out the daycare we workers were hitting the kids including me apparently

1 Like

Maybe something has happened at that daycare n I would definitely take him out n find another one. Even if dad let him stay home out of one of those days he still shouldn’t b acting that way! That’s a clear sign n warning that something is going on! Hopefully he likes it n it’s better for the both of u.

Speak to the daycare. My son is also 3years old and I had the same problem a week ago turns out there is one child bullying the rest.

1 Like

Make sure nothing is happening to him at that center…then reassure him …he could be responding to his parents being apart…its sad to say but bad things Happen in dsycares…switch to a grandparent watching him if you can …it could be a security issue

2 Likes

Definitely talk to his teacher. My son did this turned out they moved his best friend to a different class. He had separation anxiety. We got them back in the same class now and he is way happier. Hopefully it is something simple like that.

Behind every successful person there is always a helper mrs Elizabeth James she is the person behind my successful story and great achievement and goal thanks once again for restoring my hope Mrs :envelope_with_arrow::arrow_lower_right::arrow_down:

I’m proud to say I’m among the people benefiting from online trading, my gratitude to Mrs Elizabeth James shows for helping me achieve all my dreams in life. She elavates me financially, Today I’m living in my own apartment, doing things I was not able to do. Who ever that is reading this should contact Mrs. Elizabeth James with the links down here and testify like me :point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down:

Have you tried asking him if somethings happened at daycare

1 Like

I’m here to share the good new to everyone. How crypto trading has changed my life for Good. Well all thanks to Mrs Elizabeth James and who’ introduce me to this Business I’ve earned so much money and I can now pay up my Bills.I will advice you to invest on a right company click on the link and get started :point_down::point_down::point_down:

Wealth comes from a very different source Investments. Here, take a look at a pretty graph that puts in chart form what little effect saving money has over your household wealth. The upshot is, it’s not about how much money we have. Wealth is, a direct by product of what we do with that money. That’s what enables early, invest with Mrs Elizabeth James to be financially Successful… :point_down::gift:

It’s good you don’t allow this opportunity for SUCCESS slip off. Mrs Elizabeth James exceptional work makes a lot of people financially breakthroughs, to help others deserves good recommendation. Connect to her via the link below :chart_with_downwards_trend::chart_with_downwards_trend:.