So kinda want advice on where I should start, or I guess if anyone else has experienced anything like this. Little back story, my kid’s dad didn’t come into his life until he was 1. In and out you till I wanna say maybe last year and a half started coming around. I agreed to every other weekend visit bc he was coming around and getting to know him, and we were co-parenting well. Every sense that started back in Jan, he has been a total jerk, ignoring me when I ask how he is when he has him, contacts me to start arguments, tells me not to contact him, or he will call cops. He cut my child’s hair without my permission. My child screams and cries every time its time to go to the house I literally have to force him out the door. He always knew his dad by his first name since. He was never around… He was more of a friend to him who came by every once in a while… Well now when he goes there, he is forced to call him dad, and he always tells me he don’t like that… Last weekend he was there he came home telling me one night he was scared crying, wanting to talk to me and that he called me. (Never did call me) Then he kept asking me why I sounded like his dad’s gf. So I had mentioned it to his dad when he came to pick up my son, and he had admitted to having her pretend to be me and said it wasn’t a big deal, nothing I could do and blew it off. So I denied his visit. I’m tired of forcing my child out the door, and his dad not co-parenting at all with me. What’s my next step? My son tells me he does not want to go back. He’s five. I’d rather get it changed to no overnight. I’m fine with his dad being in his life, but he needs to grow up and put out kids first. I know he’s going to file his complaint that I denied him, so I’m trying to get prepared. Sorry, this is so long.
Do what is best for your child you got this mama
Is there a custody agreement in place? If so you have to go back to court. If not you don’t have to make your child go but be prepared because the father can take you to court to regain visitation. I think your best bet is to get a lawyer and discuss options.
Get legal help and fast, if he doesn’t want to see him maybe something else is going on. I’d get it done legally so he can’t force him either.
If he doesn’t wanna go i wouldn’t make him.
Do what’s best for him.
Go back to court and try to get it changed is all you can do.
No offence but you have already let him stay weekends a judge will laugh and say since he’s already stayed weekends I’m not taking that away. Talk to your son and find out why he doesn’t like it there. A judge will not take away time from a father who wants to be there because they want dads to be there.
Trust your child, if your child doesn’t want to see him or go to him than don’t force him.
Is she saying she went against a court ordered visitation?
Document everything. Get child services involved. Have them investigate what’s going on over there. If he’s that scared of going back then there may be something going on behind closed doors that’s being kept from you. If there’s no custody order, write one up immediately. Something is very fishy about this and of I were you I wouldn’t feel safe sending him back.
Even though he’s 5 if he doesnt want to go and there is no court order then dont make him go if he’s that upset about going. I also have a 5 year old and he visits his dad when he wants whether it be every weekend or every 3 weekends because we dont have anything court ordered. I feel at 5 they are old enough to tell you if something is wrong.
If there’s no court order dont force him to go.
Sometimes when you beat the dads ass he straightens up…usually only have to do it once😂 I mean, go file to have the custody agreement changed…
If it’s court ordered you have to let him go or you can get in trouble
Let the kid talk to the judge
Talk to your child and record the conversation of what your son says to you and take the father to court and if they ask why play he recording of it as the child may be asked to tell it to the judge
You should have never denied his visitation for off. Your son is feeding a lot off op I think. Hair cut? Seriously? Why not thank him for doing that for his son ? As for checking on your child while he has him…why?? No reason to need to literally check on him while hes with him. Let them enjoy their time together. I would annoyed as well…
I’m confused, is it court ordered visitation or not? If so you have to go back to court and if not then don’t make your son go. Children have a way of telling you something is wrong. Maybe abuse of some kind but at 5 he knows he doesn’t like to go over there and doesn’t want to go so don’t make him.
In my own experience kids that have fits like that to visit someone have a reason. It could be as simple as dad yelling or not letting him do something he wants to. However, something else could be going on too. I would sit down with your son and ask him some questions. I would not put ideas into his head. I would ask things like what did you do at dad’s house? Be like that sounds fun, why would you not want to do that? But it does sound odd that your kid can’t call you when he is there. I think i would be concerned too. The haircut isn’t that big of a deal even if it upsets you. My kids dad shaved my son’s beautiful curls right off. I was livid but nothing i could do about it even if I wanted to. But not being there and being in and out cause alot of emotional problems. I’ve been doing it with my kids dad their whole life. We fought in court and even with dcyf backing me and councilors he still got visits. First they were supervised and he kept messing those up, then the judge allowed him weekends. He did one Friday night then ended up back in prison for crimes he commited. He might be paroling out in December and it’s gonna be horrible. In many ways I wish he would stay away. With all the damage he has caused the judge still wants to try and make him parent. Unfortunately it’s just caused so much emotional distress on my kids. They love him but they also fear him. They remember some things but they are so young and kids are resilient when it comes to loving parents who mess up. My point is if your son is acting that way please listen. Its better to be safer and make a mistake instead of sending him and something happens. Good luck.
Document everything. My daughter didnt want to visit with her dad any more and so I said ok. He took me to court. I had my daughter there but Judge didnt wsnt to see her. Ex was also asking child support to be reduced. Judge said she was running behind and knew what she would rule without any testimony on my part, just his. She ruled no visitation unless child wanted to and no change in child support. Later I found out ex was molesting his step daughter. I would listen to what the child wants.
Go back to court, explain to judge the situation and that you’re having to force your son to go. He’s not legally old enough to have the court accept his decision but they may ask to talk to him
What is court ordered? If there’s nothing in place then you pull him. Agree to day visits but that’s it.
If there’s a court order then you need to get your son into counseling (actually I’d suggest it regardless).
As a child that has divorced parents… don’t force him he’s most likely at the age where he can make up his mind. I was 12 when I stopped going to see mine.
When you respond in to his court proceedings make sure you put OUR child not MY pretty sure you both made the boy…everything takes work and time to get to know each other
Likely dad will get some visits…
Document…therapy to give him someone safe to talk about whats happening at dads…Court
Counseling and hope you find out the problem.
To me it sounds there might be multiple possible father… if that’s the case DNA test. If only one possible father call him and see what he says . If he’s not to happy then court when baby’s born.
^^^^^^ I’m gonna go with a previous post and say… as a step parent. We see this all the time. No we aren’t beating them, no we don’t cater to one kid, no we don’t baby ANY OF THEM, they have to do chores, they have to mind, they have to be apart of the family… and no they don’t always get their way… and then… that’s where things go wrong Bc they go back to their dads/moms house crying they don’t want to come back Bc we are mean. No we aren’t, but we do deserve respect. My son does the same thing at 13. Guess what? We still have joint custody, and he’s still gonna go to his daddies house until he’s grown. Why? Bc he’s got a good daddy/good step mom… good mom/good step dad. In order for your son to get use to being there and abiding by the rules, he’s gotta go. I’m pretty sure if your son was going to his daddy’s and crying about coming home to you… this would be a completely different story, and completely different advice. Give it time. And be supportive of his daddy. Tell your son about his dad, talk about his dad as if you’re delighted with him… it could change everything. Believe me… YEARS of step parenting… and real parenting.
Go back to court. If it’s court ordered the kid has to go the there’s nothing that can change it. Sorry. You can go to jail for not letting his dad have his court ordered time.
You don’t say how old you son is.He has formed his own opinion of him.Don’t force him to go cause what’s going to happen he’ll make himself sick.Go seek help,tell them you want supervised visitation.
U did nothing wrong!.. I denied a visit and the judge put my kids father in his place. Now if u tell a judge whats going on… They might think its petty but theyll get down to the nitty gritty. Ur child is scared and u want whats in the best interest of ur child. Ask a judge what he suggest. And the dad can allow the boy to call you when he cant sleep. Just tell the judge. Show videos. And ull probably get it ur way. U can deny a visitation if ur child is crying and scared.
You need to get out ahead of this now! Get up to the courthouse Monday morning and file for visitation to be modified. Ask for a guardian ad lidem to be appointed for your son. Call and get him into counseling ASAP! Document everything you’ve been witnessing. The tears, him not wanting to go, dad refusing to coparent. The guardian ad lidem will talk to you, your son and his dad, all separately. Having a counselor appointed by the court wouldn’t hurt either, one that can weigh in with the Guardian Ad Lidem. I feel like there is something going on, but it’s so hard to figure it out without leading which is why I’m suggesting counseling. Just be ready to go in barrels blazing. I’m not only a mom, but a stepmom. I know how kids play parents against each other. I honestly don’t think that is the case in this situation. Good luck
PROTECT your child at any cost. Get a professional involved. If he is afraid your son need to talk to someone ASAP.
I’d be spitting mad when he didnt let the child call his mother when he was scared! Having his gf pretend to be mom was straight bullshit
If your child doesn’t want to go, there’s probably a reason. If it’s court ordered, I would take him back to court and explain to the judge that your son cries every time he has to go there. If he’s that upset about it, I would assume something is going on.
There is more going on…if kid doesn’t want to go…big red flag…find out fast
Ease up. If you’re acting negatively the child will pick up on that. Seems like Dad is trying so let your child experience a father without feeling guilty that it’s affecting you. You say you want to co parent but repeatedly stated MY child instead of OUR child. Leave adult issues out of it and stay out of his visits. He only gets 4 days a month to try to form a bond so you can imagine how frustrating it must be to have everything that you do questioned and judged by the other parent. My advice is keep your personal feelings out of it. Try to be more positive to your son about time with dad and give them a chance to bond. It’s been proven that a relationship with both parents is best when it’s possible. Do what’s best for your son and he will show you his gratitude by growing into a happy secure and well adjusted young man.
have a conversation, be sure not to lead questions. Keep your tone and words neutral…Ask him why he doesn’t want to see his dad…what goes on there…does he feel safe there…record the conversation…if you find out about anything that isn’t kosher, then let the police hear it so they can start an investigation…if not still keep the conversation so you can present it at a hearing when the ex complains about visitation and want to make a court case of it…I wouldn’t let on about anything learned…just say you’re tired of forcing your son out the door to visit him…
Talk to your son and find out if his reasons are valid. All kids miss their mom. But it’s very important he has a relationship with his dad. And yea explain to him it’s fine to call him dad like he calls u mom because he is his dad and it’s not proper to call him by his name kids don’t do that to parents
Court will be required, unless the two parents can agree to an amenable plan for all parties. I believe parents come in 2s because each parent fulfills unique needs for a child. Be careful about leading your son when you question him…trained professionals often get it wrong, so it is really easy for a concerned parent to mess up on this delicate ground. Safety for your child is key…and a Dad can really help a child feel safe (just like a mom, but differently). Be clear about your goal… Safety of your child will lead you down one road; eliminating your Ex from your child’s life is a different, though potentially related road. To grow up healthy and well, well-adapted children have most often had an ongoing relationship with both parents.
That’s so sad! Get your son to counciling and have him tell the doctor why he doesn’t want to visit his dad. Then you have something besides your word to take to the court!
Would ask what he does at the visits . If he that upset there is a reason for it. I would not make him go. Is your child acting out before the visits. If he is then there is something going on. Investigate by asking question. What do you do at your dads? Ask both of them and compare their answers you will figure it out. Good luck
You will need a good attorney and lots of time & money to fight this in court- unfortunately your child is too young to be able to legally decide about visitation and which house he will live in on his own!
Ooh my, tell the court what he doing and how scared your son is all the time when there. Definitely about how he won’t let him contact you and that phone call that wasn’t you!!! Sounds weird asf to me!!! He’s corny for that… Smthg sounds fishy there, he up to smthg girl. Trust your child:100: get it documented!! Tell the court cause reading this gave me a bad feeling… (So sry to say, I’m not trying to scare you) ask questions, trust your child and his\ your judgement. This scares me
Court Mediation. They should talk to your child and then you separately then come to a mutual agreement. And don’t agree to anything until you are comfortable. Even if that means going back in 6 months to revista the situation
Hes afraid for a reason. If my child screamed and cried id be worried something has been happening. I would figure out why hes so scared
Talk to your son. Try and find out why he is,afraid
Something might be happening that you Don’t know,about
Ask for a guardian ad liteum to represent your son…its a neutral party chosen and appointed by the court…usually a social worker for the court system
You have to go to the courts and ask to change the dads visits to no over nights and with supervise visits until u know whats going on with ur son
So, I’m confused? Was there a marriage and divorce? Is there a court order or is this just a verbal agreement? You need an attorney. [email protected]!!!
Put him in counseling and let them know what is going on. They will get to the bottom of it and their recommendations go a long way in court.
If you have a visitation court order your now in violation of it.
Depends on his age I would think
I would ask the child questions but be sure not to answer for him. Don’t be like “why don’t you want to go to your dad’s? Is he mean? Does he hit you? Is his girlfriend mean?” Because he will catch on to the negative-specific questions towards them and he will run with a story. Just ask “why are you not wanting to go to your dads?” And then continue questioning according to his answer. Make sure he doesn’t hear you talk to your friends (or whoever you confide in) about his dad being not so good on the co-parenting. But if his answers come off or he just plainly says it’s abuse, then I would try a family counselor and then ask them if you can use their notes with the court. I don’t know if there is a custody agreement in place, but if there isn’t, use those notes to put one in place so there is no confusion. And if at all possible, maybe see if the custody agreement can be changed accordingly if there is one. It’s never fun when our little ones have to go through all this! But since you are obviously his “constant” from the beginning, he could also just say that because he is super attached to his mommy. Some kids can be that way.
Document everything! The court is always looking for the best interest of the child… I even screenshot my daughters fathers obscene fb post.
Due to the fact she hated going there.
Always trust a child instincts.
My kids quit going on their own. I couldn’t force them. I was their safe place. The police can’t do anything since it’s a civil matter. Keep records of everything, especially your sons behaviors.
Files!!! Document everything and even record your child when it time for him to go. And if there is no court order there is nothing he can do until there is one.
He wouldn’t be going back at all until we went to court, and keep all conversations, and pretending to be u really I don’t think so that would be the end to that… take him to court period …
Are they court ordered visits? Even if they are at a certain age, here it is 12, the child is allowed to decide. It needs to be done through your lawyer though. Probably might even mean court, or at least mediated. If your son’s that traumatized something definitely needs to be done. He’s counting on you, his stable parent, to protect him without fearing your ex.
Nothing he can do until there’s a court ordered custody plan in place. Not sure if you mentioned how old your son is, I didn’t see it if you did, but once there is a court ordered plan you have to abide by it your child does not get a say. Hopefully he doesn’t force anything the child doesn’t want, but no matter what (except if there is abuse going on obviously) always encourage their relationship - you do not want your son resenting you one day bc even if you feel you were only helping your son it can still come back to bite you when he’s an adult.
Keep and print all communication and if you don’t have sole custody you need to file for it.