My son prefers his dad over me

My son does the same thing. He will favor me then his dad then me… and so on. He goes through phases. Dunno if that’s how it is with your son. My husband gets really hurt when My son favors me and wants nothing to do with him but I honestly enjoy the break when my turns over.

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Sounds like someone has done something/said something to scare him or make him angry. May need to see a therapist before the behavior gets worse. :crossed_fingers::crossed_fingers:

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I wish you would have stated how old your son is.

If he’s young, he’s simply afraid Dad is going to leave again. For children, especially young children, they can feel abandoned when their parents split. Especially when he goes from seeing both parents daily to only seeing one of their parents on weekends or infrequently through the week.

I don’t know how old your son is, how long dad was gone, how often dad saw him while he was gone or how long dad has been back… it could be a phase until he realizes Dad is back, or he could need to see a therapist to work out the issues.

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My youngest was like this. Still is but not having meltdowns any more thank goodness. But he isn’t shy about telling who his favorite is. Like he will ask to refill his cup or take him potty. I’ll say to my husband ‘i got babe’ our son says ‘no mama. Daddy got it!’ :rofl: I know he loves me but he’s got the best bond with his dad. N honestly even tho it has hurt my feelings here n there, I wouldn’t change it. The bond they have is the sweetest thing ever. But I def don’t miss the days where dad would hand him to me for a min he would act like I was a dang kidnapper!

It’s seperation anxiety from his father it’s got nothing to do with U he must feel if he gives his father space he won’t be there when he comes back. My son was the same U need to seek professional help for him it will take time have patience and just dnt take it personal even though I knw it feels like it is that was the advice I was given and trust me once U take the pressure off urself it will become easier to cope with

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Exactly…he may turn to you instead of his Dad!!

Dad needs to step up and change that.

Your child was to young and is still to young to understand adult things, and you and your partner splitting up for that short time made him miss his dad, and he is probably afraid his dad will leave again. All he is trying to do is get the time he missed with his dad back. Dont take it personally. Let dad deal with all the stuff your son wants him to do with, he will eventually come around and wanting to spend time with you again. If it persists, seek therapy for the whole family.

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If your son would act like that toward you people would just say he wants his mommy :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: he just wants to be with his dad let him. You might annoy him if you keep trying so hard. If he wants to be with his dad let him. If he wants to be with you let him. If he wants to be with the grandma let him … Some kids just prefer one parent over the other. Don’t over think it. If the child was obsessed with the grandparents and not the actual parents people would just say ooh you know grama and gramps spoil them. Let him love his dad.

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He’s just scared he’s going to leave again. He’s trying to make the most of his current time for all the lost time. It’s just a phase. I do know you will ruin your relationship with him if you keep pressuring him and forcing him to spend time with you when he doesn’t want to do it.

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Keep being his loving amazing mom. Be kind & consistent.

This isn’t a fix all and may need an intervention but to put it simply your child is very attached because his dad left for a period of time. I wish you luck and please don’t see this as you doing anything wrong…it has to do with his dad leaving. But I would speak to a behavioral specialist to get tools to help curb this.

Most off the time we won’t put the whole story maybe he saw something you did

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His dad left so its only natural he has a bit of separation anxiety. Thats all it is. Mummys love is unconditional, they take us for granted.

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His dad needs to reassure him he’s going to come back each time he leaves the house and when he gets home he needs to let him know he came back like he said he would. He needs to do this until the separation anxiety slips away and your son is feels reassured.

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Maybe he is scared his daddy will leave him again.

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If he’s young it’s most lke because he is afraid dad will leave again, he might think that his dad is only back for a short time… he doesn’t hate you or anything it’s just how he feels about he’s father. If it doesn’t get better you may have to seek some professional help :heart:
I don’t want to accuse anyone of anything but maybe he saw something you did that may of scared him and it could also be a reason

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Just leave him be Jesus

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The kid is scared that his dad will leave him again. Therapy will help him to get sense of security from both of you. Is very important to get a good therapist so the issue won’t growth on his upcoming development

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My son is 44, and treats me like shit, just like his dad.

Leave him alone. You’re crowding him.

He probably attached to him because he’s scared he will leave again after being gone from cheating…

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I don’t have any advice but curious about the age of your child ? It must hurt you terribly and after going through infidelity then separating you must feel like you can’t win so I hope your son improves in his relationship with you . My daughter has always been a daddy’s girl but not at my expense plus she is now a grown woman and she just adores her dad My only worry about her is how she will cope when her dad leaves this world . I’m divorced and have been for many , many years and my daughter moved over to live with her dad as soon as she was legally allowed to make up her own mind but she had good reason to want to live with him and his former wife and she has a great relationship with both of her step mums Just watch out that your son doesn’t start wearing rose coloured glasses as that can lead to trouble and I don’t know why so many comments are being made about your son seeing something you may have done when separating you’ve done no wrong . It takes enormous courage to forgive Unfaithfulness :rose:

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Maybe he’s afraid his dad will leave him again?

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He’s scared of his dad leaving again.

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Sounds like he is scared daddy will leave again

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In the beginning of the post I was wondering if you were pregnant and just didnt know it yet but after reading the last part your son is probably just scared he will leave again. Give it time he will come around.

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Reading your post It makes me wonder . Maybe did your husband say something to your son to make him reject you out of fear of losing him again? It may not have been intentional . Talk w his dad and discuss thus w/o your son being present . Work on it together ?! Wishing you all the best .:pray:❤‍🩹

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Totally a phase. My son prefers me in the exact way you’re describing and is SO MEAN to his dad who does nothing but love on him constantly. He’s just now (after months) saying “love you dad” and coming around. We couldn’t figure it out since it was caused by nothing, but it is passing without therapy/doing anything extra.

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Totally a phase ……. he know you will always be there for him!

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Leave him alone. He has massive separation anxiety after the bust up and he would have had to endure all of the tension in the house before and after. He’s afraid to let his Dad out of his sight. Could probably do with some counselling. Unfortunately, with the state of your marriage, a permanent separation is on the cards

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I went through the same thing with my daughter when she was young. She out grew daddy and clung to me. This will happen at different ages. Get used to it and enjoy the free time— it WILL change— believe me.

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My son did the similar thing when his father left! When his dad returned he stuck to him like glue for about a year then he realized his dad wasn’t going anywhere and he’s back to normal. My son was 7 at the time he left and was 10 when he returned. Now he’s almost 14 and can careless and a total momma’s boy! It was rough but it gets better, just give it time!

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Sounds like he has separation anxiety and is afraid that his dad will leave again.

I’d speak to a councilor to give you techniques to help him work through it.

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He scared his dad will leave Again :pensive: eventually the boy will grow out of it, leave him alone and let him enjoy his daddy.

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How old is he? Sounds like he has sensory issues.

My kids went through this phase. We are a split household as well. Give it time and be patient. :heart:

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Say your going somewhere fun that you know he likes but dad isn’t coming and see if he still wants to go.

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No thing. Let the dad do it all. One day you will be. So grateful for all the dad dies. Most dads leave everything up to the mom. Enjoy this while you can.

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I image your son is SCARED that his dad will leave again and not return! A child can feel so lost, hurt, and vulnerable if a parent leaves—they also tend to think that the problem is ALL their fault and act out as they don’t know how to act in spite of all of your extra loving. At least that is how I felt when my dad left my mom and I when I was 8 years old, with another woman, etc—He returned a few years later but MY guilt burned my soul most of my 89 years! Maybe just keep trying, don’t push it but try to tell him his dad leaving was NOT your son’s fault and maybe he can learn to trust and accept you both. together!

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Besides the leaving part, my 4 year old son acts the same way, but backwards. He is ATTACHED at my hip and his dad isn’t allowed to do anything for him, anything from getting him a drink, fixing him a plate, taking him to the bathroom, grabbing him a snack, ANYTHING!!! While it makes me feel good sometimes, at the same time, it’s like seriously, you’re dad’s already up why can’t he get it/do it/ect… his dad has given no reason for my son to be that way. I’m thinking it’s a phase.

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Sounds like he’s worried that if he lets dad out of his sight that it might take a while to see him again, like he’s trying to make damn sure dad knows he is wanted and needed by him. Games of peekaboo can help to reassure little ones that their caregiver can go away and then they’ll be back again soon… try not to feel so offended hun bubs don’t try to play head games. He loves you, he just shows it in different ways than he does with dad. Xx

Maybe your ex has been saying things to your son when your not there which in tow has turned him against you. Probably making him believe its your fault his dad ain’t there no more and while you are together. I’d maybe have a sit down with your son with his dad too that way you know what’s being said

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I’m sure that hurts. My 21 year old can’t stand his dad never could. He dosent call him Dad he calls him by his name.

Tbh most kids know their mother loves them unconditionally, that she’ll be there no matter what. That’s why we get all the negative and pent up emotion they may have collected through their day. We’re their safe place, where they can release it all. I’m sure it will pass but perhaps he feels it’s needed with his dad , to be above and beyond to gain his approval

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PROBABLY a phase hes going through …

I wonder what he was told.

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He’s so afraid of his dad leaving again. Once he feels secure, he will come around. You did nothing, your husband needs to reassure your son that he’s not going anywhere. He needs to also encourage him to go to mommy sometimes. Go give mommy a hug. I think mommy needs a kiss etc.

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Maybe childrens therapy to try and see what’s going on ?

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Give him time. He’s going through a lot and is probably afraid of losing him. He’ll get over eventually. Buy him a fun book for you to read together… and wait…

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If I love daddy more this time…he won’t go away again… syndrome…fear of losing dad again…so I’ll show him how much I really love him… it’ll go away in time…if daddy stays.

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Separation anxiety. He thinks daddy will leave again. My granddaughter went through it when her mom went to jail. Twice.

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Separation anxiety. Play therapy could be beneficial.

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Get him in therapy ask him why he doesn’t want you

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Stay with it, he will change

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Sounds like separation anxiety as you mentioned you broke up for a bit there. He obviously struggled a lot when the dad left and is scared it’s going to happen again. Give him lots of reassurance. I think the dad needs to turn around and tell his son no matter how old your son is baby or not as they are not silly to go with you and he will be here when he gets back.

It doesn’t sound like he doesn’t trust you it sounds like he doesn’t trust his dad to not leave! He is stressed.

Just keep reassuring him and get the dad to reassure him and tell him literally to go with you and he will be here when he gets back. I reckon the dad has to gain trust in his son again to not leave him.

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His dad left and he probably thinks it’s his fault so he figured if he and dad are best friends then dad won’t leave again

Oh momma I feel you on this. How old is he? If he’s still young sounds like he’s afraid daddy will just up and leave again like he did before and he doesn’t understand that he won’t leave. He think if I’m with daddy he won’t just leave without me. I know it’s hard right now and he most likely won’t understand that he will still be home when you guys get home from going out to do something.
Does dad understand that when he did what he did he hurt his little boy? I would have dad have a sit down with him and explain it in terms that he will understand that he will still be at home when he gets back from going out with you. Even if he has to call so he can “check in” with your son and show him on video call that he is still at home so he will know.
Sending positive vibes your way in this.
If he’s a little older I would get him into therapy to help him work threw his feelings about what happened

Just remember, this is not your fault.

Sounds like a trauma response to dad’s situation. Both of you need to talk to him about it and help him process and understand his feelings. Those are big feelings for a little mind :brown_heart: Hugs, Mama. I can imagine this feels hurtful for you in more than one way. Lean into your love for your boy and help him and yourself heal.

It’s cause he’s worried Daddy will leave again…he’s worried about that …all you can do is love him and he will come around.We had 3 kids one of our daughters for some reason has always treated me terribly compared to her father.Why who knows …even as adults now she treats him really well but treats me terrible.As a baby at 6 months old I asked the pediatric Dr what’s wrong with my baby ?He said what do u mean.I said when she cries or hurts herself I’ll love and console her,and she pushes me away.I had an older daughter also she wasn’t that way,and I baby sat my Niece a lot she wasn’t that way !The Dr said I suppose it’s just her personality! I think she has a borderline personality disorder!Even now she’s 45 Dad is 74, she won’t come to me for anything.Im really sick I have a inoperable brain tumor ,lupus ,heart disease ,PV blood disease, seizures ,and stage 4 kidney disease I’m on hospice now.When she found out I was on hospice she called
“Dad” NOT me. :broken_heart:Oh poor Daddy who cares about Mom attitude! Makes me sad but I can’t do anything about it…I loved and treated her the same as our other children for some reason she has always pushed me away.
I know it hurts Mama .Hopefully your son will come around.Talk to your husband privately and have him talk to your son about what happened and affirm he’s NOT leaving and that you love him as much as Daddy does.Have your husband let you do things for your son also just you have your husband talk to him about his behavior also! if necessary get counseling !Good luck !:rainbow::pray:t3::revolving_hearts:

Some counseling wouldn’t hurt! Sounds like he’s afraid dad will leave again. Have you asked dad to encourage him to let you do things for him too.? And explain, we’re still best friends, but we love mommy too!

My son was like this when he was a baby m so was my nephew… My nephew gt out of it at around 7. Including his mom more. My boy is younger. Hes nw 3. By hubby pushing my son to be with me more, my son came around. Hed tell the baby, go show mom, go kiss mom, its moms turn to bath u, lets play with mom. Also make it like three musketeers. Play with them n gradually get ur own time. Now baby always looks for mom and dad. But hes also ok if theres just one of us if we wrkn but he likes us to all be together

Did you circumcise him?