It’s still his father.
Sounds like the only person bothered with the name is you.
Dont change his name. If hes a jr dont call him that and when hes really old enough to understand and ask questions then you can explain to him.
It’s been a month. You don’t really know what your son or his father are going through. Take your feelings out of the situation and leave it alone. It seems that you just want to make a move. Don’t.
It’s been a month !!!
My daughter is 3. I was on an abusive situation with her father when I was pregnant with her. I left him when I was 7 months pregnant. Best decision I ever made to be honest. I haven’t looked back since, but my daughters name is Shaienne or Shai shai for short. If you ask her her name she will tell you. I wouldn’t dream of changing it because this is who she is and how she knows herself. Her last name is her father’s name. He is in jail right now for a&b and he’s been in and out for a&b domestic…he won’t ever change, but baby girl came from both of us, not just me. She has a history a past with family and she may one day want to know and learn about it. She’s part Cherokee too and can go on the registry. Even though he picked out her 2nd middle name…I chose to include it in her full name. I don’t hate him for being an abusive drug addicted alcoholic, but I do hate what he did to me. He hasn’t been in her life since she was 2 months old. My choice mostly as I had to get a p.o and add her too it to protect us both. A name to me is a name tbh, sure you can change it, but that doesn’t change the fact your child is still part of their father. If anything maybe change the last name but not their first. It is costly though. A rose by any other name is still a rose.
The kid is 4. He already knows his name. Regardless of the issues with dad his name is his identity…don’t confuse him
Your baby seems to know what’s going on … ask him ?
I have a ten year old and a 6 year old who want to change their surnames. The youngest doesn’t know their father and wants to use my husband’s name. The 10 year old wants to hyphenate using mine and his dad’s (step). I’m fine with hyphenating or using my maiden as my older 2 have my maiden surname. I say go with what he wants to do. My 10 y/o has been saying he wants to change his name since he was 5/6. Thank goodness I live in a state where, as long as a child can express understanding of the situation, they can speak for themselves. Also, so glad I refused to name any of my 4 after the man who provided their sperm.
I wouldn’t change it
Your son is 4. Don’t change his name. That’s confusing for him. I don’t usually get irratated by posts, but this is messed up.
I actually had my oldest daughters last name changed when she was 9. Her bio dad murdered someone in our town and I didn’t want backlash going to her. The judge who sentenced her dad was also who granted her name change. Point is. I feel if the dad is absent for years or will never be around again… change it. If not. They were named when everything was good. Dont change it until it has to happen.
I’d say go for it. My child’s father begged for her to have his last name. we split up, he ended up changing his first and last name legally. Word of advice unless your married give the child your last name.
He owe child support ,
No, leave his name alone. It’s been a month. He’s not an animal you can just rename and hope he’s okay with it. If you are this bothered by it call him something else. Give him a nickname. But leave it alone.
Also let dad be, if he is going to come into his life he will and if he won’t he won’t. But make sure you are giving him every opportunity and offering as much time as possible including overnights. He was good enough to have a child with and raise him m, he is good enough to keep said child and continue to raise him as a coparent. Just because your relationship ends doesn’t mean his doesn’t.
It also may be why he doesn’t come around. He may feel he has to be supervised by you. That he can’t take him to his own place for a weekend or the week. Which he deserves. Unless proven abusive to that child.
My main question is why? Why isn’t his name great enough now? Why isn’t he prefect enough now? Why does ever one jump to changing a childs name when they get ass hurt over a man? Should habe though about that before having a child with him? This chold is 4 wtf would you change his name now? What benefit does the child get? NONE what benefit do you get? To rub it in dad’s face the you changed it. It isn’t right. If this child wanted his name changed to not be naned after his “FATHER” he can when he’s a adult. Grow up stop being petty as im sure this is aleast a good bit of why dad hasn’t been around. At this point your feelings have fk all to do with ANYTHING. All that matters is whats best for thd LO. Stop being petty.
You are being petty! You made the choice to give him that name and now you want to change it?? Stop trying to find something to hurt the father with and just focus on yourself and your child…don’t give him the attention he is seeking from you! Plus, I believe if dad is on the BC, you would need his permission to do anything since the child is under age
Whether he calls or not it’s still his son, why be that petty? If you two people can’t get along, then separate, and quit being jackasses and leave your children out of it.
You only spent 12 hours together last year, but you thought you were still dating?? How old are you?? Jesus. Give your kid a nickname, which he should already have since you wouldn’t want him confused with his father, and leave it at that. In kindergarten they ask if your kid has any other names they go by. You can’t change the child’s first name at 5, that’s ridiculous. Make better choices in the future.
You don’t get to do that because you’re a pissed off child. Grow up.
Best advice, don’t listen to anything these people are saying and do what feels right to you. Not everyone knows how painful it is to have a child named after someone who’s brought you pain. It does cost money tho and if the father is on the birth certificate he will have to consent. It sucks. Just learn from it, don’t ever name anybody after anybody.
Fuck no. THE KID IS 4. You dont change a kids name to spite your baby daddy. Immaturity at its finest.
I wouldn’t change it. If he wants to when he’s older then it’s his choice. Unfortunately I can tell you changing a name won’t change the situation, the history, or the future. The pain and feelings will be the same no matter what. On the other hand when he gets older there is also a chance his father may come around and they may end up with a good relationship.
Why would you give him his dad’s name if you knew you would want to change it if you guys split…?? My son is named after his dad and I never even thought of changing his name when we split? That’s who he is. Why would you change it just because you don’t like his dad anymore???
And you’ll also have to go through the court and the dad has to agree. At least I believe that’s how it is in Ohio
I waited a year after my ex and I split. He struggles with stuff like that and I hurt him by leaving, not condoning him not seeing the kids but after a year he came to me, said sorry to the kids, explained why and he sees them weekly. You can’t change such things after a month. That’s insane.
I wouldn’t change it Id leave it as is. He is 4 if he wants to change it later then fine but leave it and don’t bring him in this. It’s the fathers loss not his you just continue to love and be there for your son and he will realize on his own that is father is a dick
No matter what, speak highly of your child’s father to him. Tell him he loves him very much. I know it stabs you right in the heart when he says that his dad doesn’t care, but at the age of 4 please just tell him he loves him very much and sometimes grownups make bad choices. Never speak negatively about him to your son. Hopefully things will change and he will grow up and want to be a dad. Just get through it day by day however you can without saying anything bad. Try not to bring him up unless he asks.
You are being super PETTY ! The truth hurts that little boy has nothing to do with you and his dad fighting, it’s not his fault that you named him like that and why would you change his name if he is already 5 years old and that’s the only name he has heard ? Unless you have another one for him … Let that little boy grow up into a man and have him decide if he wants to change it or not stop being petty .
Someone call the petty police…
Wait until three months have passed
Leave it and grow up.
Not only does the father have to consent, a judge has to sign off on it… I don’t see either agreeing with a name change so good luck.
I. Would change his name.the boy needs to know about his dad, when he gets older. Just teach him to be a man.
How you just go and change a 4 year olds name tho? That’s petty
I would suggest not changing your son’s name and let him make that choice when he’s old enough to make an adult decision, I struggled with the idea of changing my son’s name when he was younger and then a few years ago his dad passed away, my son is now 17 and is very proud of his father’s name, plus why would you consider this after just a month?
My oldest has a hyphenated last name where I am I can’t change his last name without his father’s permission so until he’s 18 he has both names but for school I can put his preferred name so I just put the one last name I wouldn’t change your son’s name he’s 4 that could confuse him
I can understand maybe in the future wanting to change/hyphenate his last name but his first name is a bit much.
Maybe when he’s older you can let him change it at 4 years old he’s a bit young
My son is named after his father …he s the 2nd …NOT jr…
I would never change it …MY OPINION…
I wonder if your wanting to change his name because he left you or if your trying to get back at him?
You chose that name …make sure if you change it …its for the righ reasons…
Will it confuse your 4 yr old
Who has answered to that name for 4 yr ?
Well it’s going to be quite expensive to change his name for certificate Social Security cards school records shot records doctor visits everything in his life will have to be changed and it is quite expensive and less somebody that you meetwill adopt him it’s not as easy as just changing his name
I wouldnt change his name .you dont have the right to .its your little boys name hes only 4 yrs old u both named him when he was born and you both prob loved his name .now you split u suddenly want to change I have split with exs but no way would I have ever changed there names .
If he wants to change it when he’s older that would be better. My sister never liked her name and now that she’s a full adult about to be married, she’s going to change it.
My brother never met his father until he was 21. He had his entire name. He turned out happy well adjusted and very successful never once complained about or expressed any sadness about his name
Do it now while he’s little, I didn’t do it and I regret it.
You can’t change his name with out the father’s consent.
Regardless of his father’s actions, keep your feelings out of it. Adult business doesn’t concern him.
Whatever his dad is going thru doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his child.
Personally, changing his name bc you’re mad is kinda shitty. And confusing for your child.
… No… Leave it. If he wants to change it when he’s older, he can make that decision.
My dad walked out of my life on my 11th birthday and he never looked back or been in any form of contact i am now 34 and i still have his surname
So you are going to take away your sons identity to get even with the POS you chose to procreate with?
My son is named after his father, He just turned 5 even if we split and I hate him I would never tarnish their relationship and he is smart enough to know he is named after his dad. I do call him by his middle name though.
I feel like changing his name now will make him confused about who he is, he’s used to being who he is. And being called a certain name, he’s not a baby he knows his name and associates his identity with it
Please do not make a child deal with adult problems. You should’ve thought harder when you first named him…now after four years that name is his name. I’m not sure if you’re talking about changing his first or last name…either way, don’t be petty. Also a four year old doesn’t come up with the idea he isn’t cared about by a parent on his own. Making the other parents a bad guy or talking disrespectful about them isn’t doing anyone any favors. I think you should see a counselor and work out YOUR issues about your son’s dad so you don’t raise your son w hostility.
I do not think you should change his name. And eventually your son will learn about his father on his own. Don’t talk about his father to him.
So…waaaait. you weren’t upset when he saw his kid only 7 times in a year, but now that he’s broken up with you it’s a problem?
You won’t be able to get his name changed through the court and I wouldn’t even suggest it. Your reasons sound ridiculous and show a level of parental alienation that could lose you everything in a custody battle.
You’re upset by your ex breaking up with you. Go talk to a counselor and start some new hobbies because your behavior isn’t acting rationally
Seriously? Just give him a nickname dear. This to me is a new level of petty
It is up to you but l wouldn’t change his name he has had it since birth
In my opinion, it’s unnecessary. I think it would just be immature and I think you should just be as mature and kind as possible. Your child will eventually choose his own opinion and outlook on his father on his OWN whether it is good or bad. But that’s his decision and talking bad or doing immature things as such is only going to hurt your innocent kid in the end.
My son has his fathers last name, when we split he wasn’t overly involved and I considered changing it to my last name but decided I would wait until he is older so he could choose and he has a great relationship with his father now and has no interest in my last name so I’m glad I left it.
When I was a child my parents changed my last name at 6 from my moms to my dads when they separated at my grandparents wishes (my father wasn’t around until I was about 4 months old) I don’t really remember it happening because at that age you don’t really understand what a last name is. It doesn’t bother me either way except for the fact that I have to fill in more paper work when it comes to literally anything important because it asks for any previous last names
Ask the child would he like to change it explain to the father about changing his name your not together so do it. Do what you think best for ur son. Simple.
Yes ur child is 4. But he understands his father is not around and he knows his name. So ur the parent and I would change my child’s name yes.
Your lucky some dad’s don’t come around at all… He will likely come around more often as your child gets older.But you wanting to change his name already after a month I’m sorry you sound like your part of the problem. Good luck getting a judge to agree… likely not going to be as easy as you think.
Ask your son. Ask him how he feels about his name. If he’d rather have a different name. Give him a voice in changing it.
You can’t legally change his name unless the father has no rights through the courts or the father signs off on it. Good luck with that
You sound ridiculously petty. Don’t bring your kid into your drama and make him change his name because your feelings are hurt. No matter what happens that’s still his father. And it’s only been a month, get over yourself
Wow you’re really going to change your sons name because you and his dad broke up. He’s 4 so I doubt he said his dad doesn’t care about him. Leave his name alone. Smh.
I changed my daughters last name when she was two. I was told it’s much harder to do after the age of three and I had to have her fathers sigbature notarized to do it. The judge also asked my reasoning for the change. The last name my daughter had was my X’s mother’s maiden name as he was supposed to change his too and never did. I felt like she needed to have one of our real last names and since he wasn’t around it was mine. It wasn’t out of pettiness it was for her so she wouldn’t be confused and she was young enough she doesn’t remember she had a different last name. It’s cost me around $400 to do it and have it changed on her birth certificate and everything. Your situation it sounds petty and he knows his name already… I think if the judge did allow it and the father did sign off on it it would just confuse him at this point. He may not be the kind of father you think he should be but he’s still the father. And you won’t be able to do anything without him agreeing to it.
it has been a month and at that age is just going to confuse the child as he knows his name already. I would not change it as it sounds like you want to change his first name and even his last name but i would not.
I have a friend that’s 12 year old daughter wants to change her last name to her moms. She has been called by that name quite a lot in her 12 years and her dad barely ever talks to her much less sees her. In Texas it will never happen (as long as she is a minor) unless her father signs off or loses his rights. I also have a friend that even trying to get the fathers rights taken away ( he wanted it also) took years and quite a bit of $ to get a judge to agree, when they finally got the judge to agree it was a whole new issue getting the kids last name changed. Just letting you know it’s not just a simple “I want to change his name “ situation. Fathers (even bad ones) have rights.
It truly amazes me how many women are so quick to try and do such hurtful things to get back at an ex at their childs expense. Your son’s dad will always be his dad. I get that he is choosing not to be involved. That is wrong. But you dont make it worse by trying to etch a sketch him out of your son’s life. Your son will resent you just as much if not more for that one day if you go through with it.
I am pretty sure you have to have the dad’s permission for a name change, if he is on the birth certificate. Or maybe petition the courts, but they may not allow it. A last name is one thing to change if he isn’t gonna be around, but I would NOT change his first name. Whether you like it or not, that is who he is. It’s not like he is a baby, who won’t remember his name.
I agree with Emily .Your son with get all the good vibes from you don’t down about his father kids don’t forget .He will remember all the good and bad things you say.Have a special name you call him.you are not alone been there
I don’t think you should change it. That’s his name. He’s not a newborn he’s 4.
Personally I don’t think she sounds petty, I think she’s thinking about it from her own perspective. I wouldn’t change his name I would let him grow up and decide for himself just in case it upsets him when he’s older. You never know what could happen. Plus it’s the first month I think you need to give them both time to adjust and hope and pray his father comes around. A lot of women forget you should be open to seeing your ex for your child and be welcoming so I hope that’s you.
Ask him what he thinks. Maybe your son already has a name for himself
Why are you changing it? If it’s out of spite…that ain’t the move, girl. Maybe ask the baby. See what he thinks. After all, he will have to live with it. Also…maybe instead of a legal change, find a nickname. A twist on the original name? Maybe?
I don’t think you can if the father is on the birth certificate. He legally is his dad and would have to give permission. And personally just because I feel sad doesn’t mean I would go change my kids name. He’s not going to understand why he can’t be called that anymore. Don’t bring unnecessary drama to your kid. Leave his name alone.
If the father still has rights you can’t change his name unless the father agrees
Children internalize so many things, at every age. When they hear negative about either one of their parents, they believe they are somehow “bad” too. Changing his name will only confuse him, and almost certainly in a negative way. Leave it alone.
I named my son after my maiden name. Bc his father didn’t attend his birth or have any involvement in my pregnancy.
That being said. That’s why he has my last name.
But to change what your child has known for 4+ years will only cause more pain. He’s 4. He can change it down the road if it truly bothers him.
Don’t call the bio father. Don’t bring him up to your son. But most importantly do NOT bad mouth his Dad to him or near him.
I have NEVER said anything negative to my now 15 yr old about his Dad’s choices.
It will make you the bigger person and your son will appreciate that.
Wow…is this real?? You want to just up and change his name because you two broke up? You don’t think that will cause confusion for a kid that has only known himself by one name?? I have no words. I can understand last name but whole name???
No. He is still his father who I presume is on the birth certificate? Seems like petty nastiness to me on your part.
I’d ask your son if he wants to change his name and if so what he’d like it to be. His feelings should matter in this situation
Hyphen it and add your families name. Let your child decide when they get older what they want to do.
Sorry your relationship hadn’t worked out and hopefully the dad will come back into his little boys life. What kind of dad was he for four years?. He may need a bit of time. It is too soon really to make such a big change. You could probably add your surname name to little boys name. Here, in certain circumstances, if you can prove he has been using the new name for two years, ie, at his doctors, preschool/school etc, and is known as that name…you can then change his name legally. Otherwise the child can change it by deed poll at 18 if dad doesnt get involved but won’t allow the change of name. Look into it in the proper channels in your country, it might not be a problem to hyphen your name, and do it for the right reason. Good luck
your son has gone by this name for four years…if you take his name you are taking how he indentifies himself…even pets shouldnt change names often because of psychological issues…he wont understand wait and ask when he is older and by then it might not bother you so much…but please dont change his name to spite your ex,or just because you can …really consider and find out all info you can before going ahead…goodluck xx
If the child is four, these are not his feelings or request there yours! And if he is saying it it’s because he’s repeating what he’s heard. Sounds like you’re the one with the desire to change his name. And you say the father hasn’t been around much, are you the one making it difficult for him to see his son? Don’t be one of these mothers who likes to play, “use the child”!!
The kid is 4 - ask him. My 3 yr old told me the other day he wants his name to be “Baby Crush” so, that’s what we call him. Tell him he’s old enough to pick out a nickname and see what he comes up with. There are tons of kids out there who are called their nicknames their whole life (I called my best friend once and asked if she wanted to hang out and she said she was going to the movies with ‘John’ - I asked who John was and she said Swami - her husband. I had no idea his name was John and I was in the wedding party just a few months before!! It just never occurred to me he had a real name…lol )
What’ll end up happening is as he gets older he’ll go by a nickname if he doesn’t like his name because of his father
Honestly it would most likely confuse him. just because you feel like hes named after the wrong person isn’t really important. It’s still his name. It’s what you’ve called him his whole life. Changing it now wouldnt really make sense to him.
Your kid is 4, he knows his name… changing it now could really confuse him. I wouldn’t.
don’t change his name now, but give him the choice when he gets older - like around 16
3-0-days…THIRTY DAYS. Gtfo. No you don’t change his name🤦🏼♀️
How bad is he that after a month of separation you want to change your sons name ONE MONTH after a seven year relationship you obviously don’t know the reasons he’s stayed away and you don’t say why you broke up it’s a big thing changing your sons name changing his identity and it does sound like it’s you that doesn’t want your son named after his father he’s lost his dad for what ever reason and you want to take his name as well way to go mom wow he’s only young 4 he may be sad that dads gone so I asked my granddaughter if she wanted to change her name and she said yes she wants to be called unicorn or barbie I think the problem is yours not his
Keep his name the same. He will learn soon enough about his dad.
Do what you want. It is your kid.
Change his first name, no! Change the last name, just hyphen it.
You’re projecting your feelings onto your child. Which is a No No! I’m changing my daughter’s last name to her step father’s because he is adopting her and her biological father has been absent since she was 7 months old. He’s the only dad she knows. What you’re doing is out of spite
I don’t know if changing his name would be the right thing. I also think that it would be kind of confusing to him. Maybe call him by his middle name instead?
I would not change his last name. His father could come to his senses but even if he doesn’t your son may feel differently than u when he is older. Just an opinion. Good luck and God Bless
No do not! Idc how often he visits having his name changed because he shares the same name is going to cause more psychological issues than keeping it, I know y’all broke up he’s four don’t do that to him, if his dad chooses not to see him so be it
This isn’t for your son it’s for you and yes you are definitely being selfish… You’re doing this out of spite because you’re angry with the father. This is your son’s legal first name… I’m pretty sure unless you have sole legal and physical custody you would need the other parents permission to change his legal name anyways. I sure as heck wouldn’t want to explain to everybody that I changed my son’s name because I’m mad at his father
It’s still his son. That is what you named him. He is 4. Get over yourself and your hard feelings which are obviously already affecting your son. No matter what don’t talk negative about his father to or around him. Not fair. He is just a kid. GROW UP!!!