My sons father doesn't like my husbands relationship with our son: Advice?

I’ve recently got married in December. He’s a fantastic person and so loving to my child. The only problem is that my son’s father has an issue with my husband calling him his boy. My child’s father has not done a thing for him since he was a month old. He will call or text me calling me all types of bad mothers and other names, but I’m struggling with a one-year-old with no support or help from him. He would rather spend his money and time making music videos. My question is, how do I handle this situation while still being fair? Sn: I never have and will never keep my child from his other family

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Tell him if he has an issue with their relationship he needs to step up and improve his because no matter what as long as yall are married he will be in yalls sons life

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My husband and I both have step kids. We use the term OUR. Even when communicating with his mom. It takes a village. Ask your ex if he would rather your husband ignore him and not teach him things? Don’t be sarcastic about it. He is trying to say it hurts his feeling without using those words. Approach it from a different perspective.

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If he doesn’t see the child or financially help I’m not sure why he really has a say in anything.

Your husband is going to his dad. He’s there everyday. He’s the one going through life with him and will be teaching him. If the baby daddy has a problem with it, he needs to step up to the plate. And even then, it’s great to have a bonus dad that cares and loves him.

There can never be too much love for a kid but there can be toxicity even if it’s coming from his bio dad. And it’s your job to do your best to protect your child from that.

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Your son will grow and know who is there for him and who isnt. You do nothing but allow your husband to be the best stepfather he can be to that boy. If his real father isnt around long enough and doesnt help well enough that’s his problem. . . Not yours.

I’d like to also express concern for you also protecting yourself from the toxic nature of bio dads name calling. He has no right and if he’s bad mouthing you & calling names, I’d ignore him all together until he can act like a grown up and be respectful

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Your son needs a father figure in his life no matter who it is. As he gets older he will recognize who his real father is.

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Your husband is going to be the baby’s father … he is going to be there every day and obviously loves “his boy” … Donating sperm does not make you a dad … if your ex was a good human being he would happy that your husband loves his biological child … it would tell him this straight up … a child can never have too much love

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Ignore him. Obviously he is insecure about his own standing in your son’s life if he sees your husband as a threat. It says more about him than about you; same with the badmouthing. Just keep the receipts :+1:t2:

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Sounds like he’s jealous that someone else is a better father figure to his son than he is.

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Don’t talk to the bio dad about anything other than your son. If he texts you about your husband, ignore it. Tell the bio dad that any contact from here on out will ONLY be about your son. Health, times he can see him, and about anything that your son needs. The bio dad has no say in who calls who what.

Eventually your son will see what his bio dad didn’t do, and see what his step dad did for him. He will see who’s there and who’s not. Just ignore texts/calls from bio dad if it’s about anything other than your son.

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Let him know…
It’s hard to get replaced if you make yourself irreplaceable. It isn’t so hard if you barely exist to the person in question.

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This is not a father…this is a sperm donor. If he’s not going to talk to you respectfully then I wouldn’t even be responding at all to him. As long as your husband is treating your son good then this “father” has no business questioning etc

I would ignore him. Tell him too bad that he isn’t even involved so he shouldn’t talk.

This isn’t a you or your husband’s problem… this your exs issue with feeling of inferiority to your new husband . Your ex feels ways about it cause he feels he lacks something your husband has . Imo id explain to the ex that your husband loving your son shouldn’t be a issue but a blessing that you son has one more person who loves him unconditionally. And tell him to grow up ! :woman_facepalming:

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If he’s done nothing for your son in a year & is disrespectful to you why are you in contact with him? You said you refuse to keep your son from his family. What does that mean to you? Keep in contact so he can continue to dictate your life, call you names & commit other emotional abuse against you & your son? Are you expecting that he’ll suddenly change & decide to be a father? News flash, he won’t. If he wanted to be a father he would be. He chose not to be in your son’s life. It’s not your choice.

Imo you, your son & husband will be happier if you just cut him off. If he’s on the BC make sure you file for child support. If he’s not let your husband adopt him. So the 2 of you can raise him without your ex controlling you. Either way discontinue contact. If he wants rights he’ll file for them & stick with it. 99% chance he won’t.

His own fault he ain’t done his job but awesome job to your husband for loving your boy

If you two were never married he has no say. In my state he’d have to prove he was the father before he even had rights to the child. Tell him if he wants to have any say so about your child he needs to be a dad not a sperm donor :woman_shrugging:t2: It’s not hard to ignore him and say no. You’re just causing problems for yourself by feeding in to his BS.

My kids father gets the same way. It took a long time for me to learn to bite my tongue. But eventually I did, and I learned to let him act out and crazy on his own and not to disturb my peace. He always ends up calm again acting like nothing happened. He’s insecure and jealous someone else is doing what he’s incapable of and lashing out on you. Try your best to ignore it! Sometimes saying nothing says more.

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How your husband is with your son is no business of the sperm donors

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He lost the right to make any decisions. So let him be mad. Sounds like a classic narcissist, everything is someone else’s fault and he will threaten, lie and even try trashing you! Nope not ok. Keep the texts and request a mediator to look through emails and text before you recive them.

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If the bio dad has a problem with a real man loving his son, maybe he should step up and love his bio son like a real father would. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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been here :sweat_smile:

Soooo I told him(bd) that as long as my husband is in my life and playing a roll in raising our kid, then he can take on whatever roll and name my son wants. My baby daddy was upset at first but he accepted… Then he bailed. (he was always a POS, which is why I didn’t gaf about his opinion on what my son called my husband)
My son now calls my husband daddy.

Good luck mama :heart:

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He’s just mad someone is stepping up and it’s not him, actions speak louder then words

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He should be thankful his sons treated well. Seems like jealousy.

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My oldest daughters father is the same way, has been for 9 long years. My husband has raised her since she was 10 months old. I don’t keep my daughter from her father, or his family. I never have. But this is how I handle the situation. I filed a court order. We have a set child support agreement(that he doesn’t pay), and set visitation(they he doesn’t keep). But there are repercussions to him not paying child support, and he’s loosing my daughter everyday that goes by. Which is by his own actions. I stopped speaking to him regarding anything other then my daughter, and only if he reached out. When he made, or continuous to make comments I’m very direct. I simply say “Bella is a lovable little girl, and having extra people to love her is nothing but a good thing”. I also handled everything via text, and email(I still do). Not only for my protection, but because I learned that he wouldn’t want to document his nasty behavior. Phone calls, and me responding only furthered that. My daughter began calling my husband dad. We never pushed that, always addressed him by Dustin, but she made that choice and it was hers to make. Your son is still little, at only a year old so his father will either continuously distance himself, or step up. Either way that boy has a man in his life that loves him. What it sounds like his he doesn’t want to be involved, but doesn’t want anyone else involved either. That’s not his choice to make. He also can’t force a child to love him, that doesn’t know him. I would never keep my daughter from her father, but I also won’t force there to be a relationship. If she wants to talk to her dad, she does. She wants to travel for their visitation times and he’s available she does. But just because he calls twice a year, and maybe has he for 1/4 of his visitation(his parents have her the rest) doesn’t mean that my baby doesn’t deserve a dad that loves her, supports her, and acts like a father. I know that you want him to be a good dad, and I know you want to get along with him. But that’s not always possible. Stop reaching out, communicate by text or email, and let your husband love that boy. If you BD has an issue with that then it’s not about love but control, and his image.

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Fk him yo. My ex has blamed the fact my son calls my husband dad as the reason he isn’t involved. Like dude ur an absent parent wtf u expect. Tbh id ignore ur ex about that subject :woman_shrugging:

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He sounds like a deadbeat. I’d ignore it.

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Tell him to go the hell. He is jealous.

He’s just mad someone else is doing what he should be doing therefor making it obvious how much of a dead beat he is. If he’s so offended he should step up or step aside. Ignore his ignorance.

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Tell him to suck a dick and move on. He gets zero say in this situation if the man you’re with is being the father figure.

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If he was any kind of father to your child, there wouldn’t be a spot for your husband to fill. He should step up his priorities as a parent

The amount of times I see absent parents, jump back in when a new parter is on the scene, is ridiculous, you’ve married the right man, and your babies dad sees that and is jealous and angry that you happy with someone new and doing everything he should have done.

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Why are you giving any weight to his opinion? You already said he isn’t helping you so stop giving a shit about him or trying to please him. Go to court and have the judge order all communication go through a parental app. That will illuminate the name-calling and he will not be able to call you bad names and make you feel bad about yourself. Parenting wizard is a great app then if you have the judge ordered it to be used between the two of you for communication and he maintains his belligerence and harassment of you. You have the judge take care of it I believe in judges do not like people who disobey their orders. You have no control over your exes life and he has no control over yours because he does not participate with raising your son.Stop giving his opinion so much value and ignore him. It sounds like you have a great husband now and a great life so focus on that and move forward

That’s his issue. He’s jealous of the relationship. You keep putting your baby boy first.

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Ignore him. He’s jealous there’s another man doing what he should have been. He doesn’t get to dictate anything in your household. If there is no danger to your child then there is no issue and he has no say.

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He should be happy he’s nice to your son. He needs to grow up honestly

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So he hasn’t done anything for his son and now that your son has a MAN in his life absent daddy wants to have a say. Blood makes him daddy but the relationship makes him DADDY! Be very careful

I would go and apply for child support and since he wants to make that big of a fuss over something he can’t do like being a father then he needs to at least help support him and you did get lucky to find someone who except to you and your child and it’s good to hear that he loves and treat your son well move on with your life enjoy what you have now don’t let his nastiness towards you bring you down keep your head up be happy

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Who cares about his feelings? Why do u care? He obviously doesn’t care when he’s insulting u nor does he help u. So u need to focus on ur son and new husband and how well he treats u both.

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Youre so lucky to have found a wonderful man that will love your son as his own. Dont worry about your ex’s feelings. He didn’t care for yours :woman_shrugging:

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The bio father is jealous. Lay the law down to gim in regards to communication topics (ie sons well being and health). The relationship your child has with your husband is not his concern.

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IF the father has not step up and your husbands has, time for him to get a reality check. Have a sit down with the father and let him know that if he can not support his son and refuses to help in any way, then your husband is filling in that gap. Let him know he can continue to see and visit with your son but time for him to grow a pair and do the right thing by his own son.

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Get sole custody. It’s not the father you have to worry about. It’s the child. That is who is your responsibility. Father has an issue! That’s his problem. The child is who matters. The child’s wellbeing is more important than any so called adult in his life. Adults can take care of themselves, but the child depends on you.

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If he hasn’t been involved financially or in the child’s life, then you need to remove communication. He has no right to call you bad names and you shouldn’t allow him to either. Your husband sounds like he is a better father to your child then he is and will be known by the child as their dad.

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This is the voice of experience : ( long long ago) cut the ties. Let him have to take you to court and spend the money. Give your child a chance to have a family ; a father and a life .

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Tell your ex to grow up. If he’s that bothered by the relationship your husband has with your son then it’s because of his own choices and inadequacies. Tell him if he wants a relationship with his kid then start acting like a father and not like a sperm donor. He needs to help support him and actually see him. If he’s not willing to do those this then tell him to buzz off

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A great man is one that heals a heart he didn’t break and raises a child he didn’t make.

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Don’t engage in his childish behavior…ignore him and if your husband calls his son his boy it’s a loving enduring term…accept it as so and ignore the bad and hateful coming from the other side…its not good for you your relationship or your son…dont engage in negativity

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Sounds like to me he is the one keeping him away from his child and not being fair. I would remind him that it takes more to be a Dad than to make a child and your new husband is fulfilling the role of Daddy he left behind quite well then I would change my number and stop responding to him. He knows you and your husband are better parents than he is and that is why he puts you all down.

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Ignore him. My husband does anything he can for our eldest. ( my step daughter ) and he is happy her step father claims her.

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Ignore him because he is being childish. You let your son and your husband have the relationship they have. Your son deserves that in his life!!!

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I lived through that as a kid. The first time I called my step-father dad in front of my bio dad…poop hit the fan. I called my step dad dad since the beginning. He raised me since 1 year old. Well in my situation my bio dad had visitation. But he would miss our days more and more. My step father was my dad in every respect of being a father. Bio dad just faded away. I heard from him a few times as an adult before he passed away. But never had a relationship.
Let your child know that he can call step dad whatever he wants. That’s what my mom did. He was always dad. and it was my choice!

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The more people who love a child, the better. If your ex had the boys best interest at heart he would realize that. Maybe he feels threatened and jealous. Would he sit down and get to know the new man in your life. Maybe do some activities with your son together? If not, that’s too bad.

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He is his probably guilty for not doing his duty, and angry with himself when another man stepped up. He can just sit and sulk. If he fills your son with words of hate, get supervised visits. Record everything. What he says, what day and time he said it. What your child was wearing, what he looked and acted like after visits with his “father”. Everything, every time. Need to know more, ask me.

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My husband adopted my 3 children. Their father hasn’t been seen or heard from much since he left, so naturally the man that lives in their home and is married to their mother is going to be more of a father to them. The most important thing in this situation is what is best for the child. The answer to that is a strong bond between them and the man that is committed to raising them. They deserve a dad, blood is not important.

Sounds like jealousy to me. Maybe he should be more of a father to his son and he wouldnt have to worry about your husband. Your son knows who is taking care of him and is spending the most time with him so of course he will be closer to your husband. Just ignore his threats.

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If he don’t want to spend time with him that’s his fault, I’m glad your husband takes to your son so well, draw up papers for him to sign his rights away, he don’t care enough about his son but he don’t want anyone else raising him, and I would change my phone number or keep track of all his texts and get a restraining order.

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Being a father doesn’t make you a dad. Anyone can be a father, but it takes a man to be a dad. The one being the dad is your husband. I was raised by my moms second husband, whom I call dad, cuz my father was never around or did anything for us. Your sons bio father doesn’t have any right to call you names, and if you allow him to keep doing it, than you’re allowing him to run your life. Put your foot down and tell him how it is.

Angry, jealous people don’t want to advance and don’t want you to advance without them. If he played his role right he could be called dad but until he does he can keep the role of sperm donator. That is all

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Who gives a sh&t what the sperm doner thinks. The child will benefit from having a great father figure. After 2 years of not seeing the child, you should be able to petition the court for sole custody, because of child abandonment, then you can still get child support. After that any relationship with bio dad can be on your terms, or cut him off indefinitely!

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if he has nothing to do with his son…let it go, As your son gets older he will see for himself just whom was there for him

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I’ve always felt the more people who love my kids the better. Your ex needs to grow up and realize he missed his chance to be an everyday presence in his sons life. He needs to learn to be grateful for a man who is willing to even CALL another man’s child “my boy”. YOU and your child have hit the jackpot with a stepdad who wants to step up and be a dad. Sounds like the ex has a lot of growing up to do. Good luck, and don’t allow the ex to sour the blooming relationship between your husband and your son. If you plan to be with this man for the long haul, the most important relationships are the ones within your new family unit.

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Tell him to be involved in the child’s life, and invite him to be present with his son. The step dad did nothing wrong, and there will never be a time I say someone loves a kid too much.

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Sounds like he is feeling insecure as a father because he knows he hasn’t been doing his job…in a healthy situation, a parent is happy for their child to have another loving role model for the child.

I will always support and stand behind the people that love and respect my children hands down. You husband is loving your child and hopefully your baby is loving him back, he is also getting the attention a boy needs from dad, he is not letting your baby grow without a father. To me that’s everything, if his father wants to be in his life let him, but since he is not constant with the child why would you even consider how he feels. You said he had not done anything to be there, not even his presence. That baby deserves a dad that loves him

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Ignore him. My dad isn’t my biological father, but my biological father never put forth an effort to have a relationship. My dad raised me, provided for me and loves me unconditionally. If your husband is taking care of him, loving him and being there for him, he is his boy. The other manchild shouldn’t have a say if he doesn’t put forth the effort.

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Men, if your all alone struggling to get your child everything baby needs, and he has no time. Then when you find someone he has issues. Happend to me, get some legal advice. If that’s the case make sure he pays child support. Baby should see his other family, on your terms. But, I suggest, make everything legal.

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Time for a serious discussion between the 3 of you and the bio dad needs to understand the damage he is doing to the child. If he can’t act like an adult then he needs supervised visitations.

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You say you will never keep your son from his other family ? What family are you referring to ? The deadbeat one or the one that seems to be doing something . There is nothing to figure out if he’s not involved and doesn’t help providing then what are you so worried about being fair ? Just because he help make him doesn’t mean you owe him anything . You owe only your child.

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Screw him. It would be a much bigger problem if he didn’t recognize his own wife’s son as “his child” because he is HIS now too! Doesn’t mean it has to affect their relationship and he’s only jealous bc he questions and doubts his own relationship and efforts as well. your husband only validates that fact by doing the things his real dad should!! A normal person would be happy to have someone love their child and not worried about it messing with their relationship. It’s actually not your problem. I can see if he was over stepping a boundary, I agree you should help keep the boundary clear just like if he got a stepmom. But this particular thing isn’t on you to do anything. What does he want you to help remind your son that only he is his dad? That’s ON him to make sure is never a question but not you. Don’t take his bait either by arguing about it so he can twist it and make his family believe you two are trying to put things in his head. I would just not converse unless it’s about pickup and drop off!

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He is being a child. Your son needs a dad. If the husband is being a dad and care for and loves your son, then embrace it

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Follow your child’s lead…if he wants to call him daddy, that’s fine, but don’t force that…he’s a year old, sounds like your ex is jealous. I’d tell him that if it continues the name calling that you’ll block him…if it rises to the level of harassment, call the police.

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If he is causing issues within your life and the childs seek to terminate contact. It will cause issues for the child when he is a little older. You don’t have to keep him from the rest of the family as long as they respect your terms.

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Good for you for trying to keep your baby’s dad and his family in his life. Too many times, this goes the other way and everyone loses. As for Babydaddy and his pettiness, put your foot down, immediately. What he’s doing is creating a toxic environment which will get worse if it continues. You need to let him know that his behavior, although very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your husband, will be very damaging to his own relationship with the child. Kids deserve better than this. Good luck

Tell Bio dad that he is you Husband not him he is there every day not him he loves him as his own to not be upset that someone else has step up when he hasn’t but to be happy his child has Extra Love and support

Tell him the God’s honest truth… DNA does not make him a dad. He wants that title, it has to be earned so put up or shut up (on his part). It is as simple as that.

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My 2nd husband raised my son as his own. His bio dad never did anything to help raise him. My son called this man dad and when he passed away he told his bio dad “ the man who raised me and put a roof over my head will always be my father”. The fairness factor comes in to play when the bio dad helps to raise him, pay child support and makes time for him.

That’s is bad he is not helping u out but your husband is so it will go on him cuz he is not helping you. And you can just tell him that or just quit talking to him, if you dont have respect for you.he cant respect your son.

Any male can be a father, but not a true loving dad.

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The child is only a year old, it’s time to change the father can be a great father it’s not too late let him be responsible for his child. And hope you both think more of the child and not let him have to live with bickering back and forth his whole life give your life to Christ , find a church if you don’t have one and bring your child up in a godly adoration of the Lord and he will not depart from it do what’s best for the child love a happy home he didn’t ask to be brought in to this world.

Well u different from me if has never done anything for the child he is neither a father or daddy , no rights 2 anything . Do u think when he gets older he’s gonna think if him as a father or daddy , I think not .

It shows his immaturity. A real man would be thankful for a positive role model in his child’s life during the times he’s not around. He may be jealous of the time your husband gets with him, which is understandable. He may not want him calling him dad or your husband telling people that is his son, also understandable. I would not want my kids step mother to try and take my place. The difference is knowing that if another woman played that role in my child’s life and my child felt that way, it’s not up to me. I would recognize that while I’m away my children don’t lack for a mother around, instead they have two.

I am in no way taking the fathers side, but! Baby is 1 year old. Father was around when baby was 1 month old. She’s been married for 2 months. So she got married 9 months after dad made an exit? Is it jealousy or something else?

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I was in a similar situation … The ending: my husband finally adopted my son after being the only father (figure) in his life for 11 1/2 years. My son was adopted 3 weeks before his 13th birthday last year. There were other circumstances that lead to the adoption and to be quite honest… My son couldn’t be happier!

There are 4 of us one mom one dad our father wanted nothing to do with us we are old now the man my nom married after the divorce was our daddy he married my mom with with four children he had none loved us and became a proud papa and great papa our father was never a dad our daddy was a real man as he has passed in sept last year he showed us what a daddy is if the man you married is half that man you are the luckiest woman on earth and just let life take its course

The boys father has to understand that you all are family now! You all are linked by the son. And that there will be more love for the boy.

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Keep and record all texts and record and all interactions between the SD/DBD they will prove useful should the issue of custody come up. And if he is as irresponsible and jealous and you contend that will be quite obvious to any judge he stands before. Who won’t even give that fool custody of your son’s toenail clippings.

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Let him run his hatefully salty ass mouth and continue to do you. Do not ruin the new relationship your husband and son will and can have. Be honest with your son and when his dad is being unreasonable. The older he gets he will see for his self.

Tell the bio dad goodbye. Cut him loose and move on. You and your child deserve a loving family without all the drama and stress. Chances are, when bio dad sees how much a lawyer costs, you will never see him again. When your boy grows up, tell him the truth. It will be his choice at that point.

If you ex didn’t want another man taking his role he should have manned up and did what he needed to to ensure his place. Let your husband and son continue to bond. Let your husband continue to treat your son as if It was his son. Your son needs to learn what a man is and how a man treats his son and if doesn’t sound like your ex will be doing that.

Like it or not he is now the stepfather to that child. He is helping to raise him. The biological father while upset has no say.

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Be always kind to the hand that helped create your child. Hes jealous so just keep ignoring the bad words but warn if he talks like thus to a child he can be banished buck up shut up and help support child or walk away…

If you read texts from a jerk, get no support money or help, yet graciously say you won’t keep child from other family, nothing will ever change. You are either a want to be martyr having everyone say how great you are, or you a pushover. Grow up, make decisions best for child. Have real dad’s wages garnished or stop complaining.

I’ve been where you are…the best thing I can tell you is the problem is HIS. You will not get him to change his attitude so change yours. Your child has a bonus parent…more people to love him and a healthy mind would recognize that…bonus dad is not a threat to bio Dad. Hang in there!!!

Why is this even a question. The biological father sounds like a loser and he should be glad another guy is man enough to do what he doesn’t.

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One man stepping up and another one stepping away-that’s an easy answer. Being a father is about more than sharing DNA

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Always tell your son, as he gets older that he can see his dad , but also has another man:, maybe called daddy ty hat loves him too.

A child can never receive too much love. There is enough to go around for everyone. Keep the best interest of the child at heart. But make your current husband priority. Ex should be allowed a relationship and time with his child if desired. But don’t short change your current husband to do so.

Sounds to me like you need to tell him, he’s more than a father than his bio is so tell him if he wants to call him his boy, father is the one that cares for the child, not the one who donated only his sperm. It’s a male issue he has, it’s not really about the boy, if you catch my drift. He doesn’t want to feel less than your husband, the only thing he has is that he gave your his sperm. That’s it. He’s using the boy excuse as a way not to erase himself out of the picture even though he does nothing for him. Also, if he does nothing for the kid, why do you even care what he thinks??? I think you do need to cut ties. Not for you but to protect your child. He will stop at nothing to make himself visible just for that reason. He doesn’t love the kid. He loves what your child can afford him- the chance to hurt you and keep your husband on the sidelines. That’s all.