Donât think about what wouldâve happened if you knew sooner⌠having a baby does not save a relationship. Youâve both moved on so obviously it âwasnât meant to beâ. Itâs good heâs up for a test, have your son get a dna test done and go from there. If it comes back as your ex, I would probably tell him. If he acts and looks just like your exâŚthen heâll figure it out soon enough so itâs better to hear from you. It is possible, you guys broke up and a month later you started dating your now husband⌠so thatâs right around the time you find out youâre pregnant, about 6 weeks. So your son most likely is your exâs. Tell him you and your ex decided to get a dna test because he was having feelings about it and it turns out he is his. Iâm sure heâll be hurt⌠give him time, space, whatever he asks. However he feels is how he feels and you canât change that. Just do whatever you can to help him move forward.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My son's father may not be who I thought it was, what do I do? - Mamas Uncut
Your first mistake was contacting your ex before talking to your husband. It should be handled between the 2 of u.
You are in a tough situation but I would get the test done ⌠please talk to your husband he needs to know . What you are thinking .
thats a hard one but i say get a dna test to be sure if so talk to your son when you know he can handle that convo. it happens more than you think im sure all will be ok in end xx
My only question is, if your son is 9 already how could you not have noticed before? No judgment but when my kids came out of the womb I knew soon after they were definitelythere Daddys kids. Also. You should talk to your husband asap tho.
I think you already started off wrong. The first person you should have said something to is your husband. Your husband should of made that decision to get a paternity test done first. You should have just kept it in the household until there was a reason not to. Good luck
You MUST tell your husband!!!
What if he hears it from someone else?!?!
This could be a messy situation. For your son he is gonna be crushed for the guy who he thought was his dad for 8 yr and then finds out he is not ⌠and then your husband you have to think about him also .
You should have talked to your husband first before contacting your ex husband. This is something huge and your husband needs to know. Also if i had slept with someone that close together and got pregnant i wouldve wanted a test all those years ago. If the ex husband thought it was his son he shouldve came forward sooner.
Iâd get the test 1st!!!
You sound happy with your current husband. Trust him. Confess everything just like you did here. He sounds like a good man. Give him a chance to prove that.
Your ex deserves to be a part of his sonâs life. Prayers for all. God bless.
I had a similar situation happened to me when I got pregnant because I had a one night stand, using protection as well as a week prior with my ex who I was also using protection and I got pregnant and I just assumed it was the guy I was with for months but just in case I had him do a DNA test when she was born, it did turn out to be him but some of the women were saying that you shouldâve known when the baby came out, honestly my daughter looks like me and my family no resemblance to .her father. You shouldâve talk to your husband first though because if it turns out not to be your ex-husband thatâs just hurting him for no reason.
Just curious about the timelineâŚkid is 8 but youâve been with current husband for 10 yrs. 
Did I misinterpret the information??
You should of told your husband long before the ex. He will probably feel betrayed, it would be hard not if you do this all behind his backâŚ
Talk to your husband⌠you never know what heâs thinking. He may have also started to realize that he doesnât look or resemble him. It may be something heâs bottling up inside not wanting to start conflict. Youâre married⌠you need to communicate to him open and honestly.
You tell your husband gently, and you stop wondering what couldâve been with the ex because youâre both married.
That went from your sons paternity to your âlost life togetherâ pretty quick.
wait until you know for sure, But then again, explain just what you stated here.
If you donât tell your current husband thatâs going behind his back. He must be part of all of this. After all this is his son for 9 years and that love will not change.
Not only did you not talk to your husband before the ex , but now youâre wondering about what could have been something with your ex clearly you not that into your husband as you claim!!! Anywho talk to your husband before the ex or family member do
How many weeks were you, when you found out you were pregnant?
I would definitely 1st and foremost have a conversation with your husband and then proceed to getting a paternity test! I think once you straighten all that out, you can figure out what to do next and what is best for your son and his real dad, if in fact he is your exâs!! Good luck mama!
Yeah you are kind of an idiot
Talk to your husband heâs been the one raising him with you. Most the time when men have raised a kid they wonât just turn their back on him. I personally would talk to my husband and do a DNA test with him.
Youâre stupid.
Sounds like you want your ex.
Donât hide, sneak or lie to your current husband or it will destroy your relationship. Be honestâŚit was an honest mistake . Lies or hiding shit is never gonna work out the way you hope. He will feel like an outsider in the situation and that sucks. He needs time to prepare too.
Test first and be honest.
Do test then tell him either way. Can I have a life with someone with a lie or Deceit
Ehhh youâre wrong in the fact that youâre wondering what if with the exâŚâŚyou must be second guessing your husband if
Youâre having those thoughts
Clearly your current husband isnât who you want to be with!!! If so I feel you would have talked to him first. Your current husband is innocent in all of this as is your son. Your husband needs to know before someone else tells him. The two of you need to tell the son because more than likely if itâs that much of resemblance as you claim the current husband probably knows deep down he isnât his child anyway. Give the man that has been raising this child the respect he deserves and tell him the truth!!! We make mistakes but the longer you hide things the worse things will be. Sounds like a good man which apparently hubby number one wasnât. Stop wondering what if this and that with #1 he canât keep his zipper closed apparently. 
.
Sounds like your in a rocky place in your current relationship and need to get that sorted. Js
I would talk to your husband ASAP. Tell him the truth and see what he wants to do.
You should be talking to your husband. Itâs wild to me that all this communication was initiated and carried on with your ex but you havenât uttered a word to your husband. The conversation should have started with the man you married. Heâs been dad to this kid for however long and has the right to a say so.
I would do the test but for sure talk to your husband. Tell him your concerns and what you want out of the situation either way. And donât worry about the timeline . With my first I didnât test positive until I was 12 weeks. My second and third I tested positive at 3 and 4 weeks. It happens. Just be open and honest 
First I would talk to your husband rt away, as u said, itâs not like u even thought it was a chance he wasnât his child til now⌠honesty is always best!! U wouldnât want him finding out later, because if I were him then I would be extremely mad finding out after everyone else and your self thought this was going on
Uhh⌠Good luck on trying to fix everything. Youâve already gone behind your husbandâs back by talking to your ex about it first.
You should have told your husband first. WTFFF
Thinking u knew all along âŚ.but u didnât, honey u sure didddd
You are going to screw your husband and your kid up so bad. Not right to either one of them. Your son is going to have so many problems⌠leave it alone
I think everyone missed the no judgment part of this post. I am so sorry you are going through this. You must feel so alone!
I think you need to talk to your husband one on one and tell him your concerns. The longer you wait, the harder itâs going to be on him to hear. He will be stuck on the fact that you waited, so get this taken care of right away. You can figure out what to do from there once you have the results. Donât think about being with your ex⌠He cheated and I can tell you from experience that a baby doesnât change who a person is. Focus on your family. If your son is the exâs, I would recommend getting a therapist or counselor to help you navigate the waters and create healthy boundaries.
Iâm shocked you reached out to the ex first, and not the actual man who has been there for you for the past 9 years.
You need to tell you husband immediately and ask him what he would like to do. Donât tell him the other guy knows as that will hurt him.
Can I get an update or a part 2 to this story later on.
- Quit making it about you asap. No more what ifs about your past. Thatâs disrespectful as he to your current husband. 2. Tell your current husband you have something that been on your mind & tell him youâve noticed some things that are getting to you about your son. Chances are heâs noticed & hoped you wouldnât. Tell him you just want confirmation. But be prepared for him to say no & decide now if youâll still do the test without his permission. Next, if it comes back positive, you & both husbandâs need to meet privately & talk before approaching your son.
Iâd be mostly concerned on how this is going to affect your son and get some support in place for him.
Imagine finding out your dad thatâs been there all your life isnât your dad at all.
I hope everything works out the best way possible but the child should be the most important concern.
You should tell your husband asap. He knows the situation so itâs not anyoneâs fault
Thereâs no way you should have just assumed the baby was your current husbandâs? You had to have known how far along you were right. You knew there was always a chance considering youâd slept with them both around the same time. Iâm not judging Iâm just saying this canât be the first time you thought maybe he could be either of theirs. Honestly at this point I would avoid hurting my husband if possible. Iâd do the paternity test with ex and see first.
Iâm at a loss for words
And you never thought of any of this for 10 yrs? Cmon now. Good luck trying to be honest 10 yrs laterâŚ.thatâs not an easy thing to swallow, 10yrs later. Hope you are honest and solid in every other aspect, if not your whole relationship is gonna come into question. 
Go to therapy asap to process before making any decisionsđ¤ˇđťââď¸
Whereâs Maury at when you need him? And a case for Dr. Phil right after! Might wanna add Jerry in there too!
âWhAt ShOulD i dO?â
Well, LindaâŚnot run to your ex before even speaking with your husband! Like wtf! Second, wtf you gonna do when said 9 yr old comes home and tells âdaddyâ that he got swabbed in the mouth? 
And what do you mean âwhat could our life beâ mf he cheated, heâd probably still be cheating while youâre at home cooking, cleaning and crying!
Lawdddd help her! Actually help the hubs! 
Talk to your husband⌠Kids are not stupid⌠most kids kmow that a cheek swab is a dna test. Once you find out for sure if it is the ex then you and your husband need to sit down with your son and tell him. You sent the ex packing for a reason. Donât look back and play the "what ifâ " game. Donât mess with your kid and not tell him either. You think he would be messed up from the news? Imagine if he ran into the ex and realized how similar he is to him. Donât mince words. Tell the truth to both husband and son. Then you can deal with the rest.
I think you should have told your husband first. And I wonât judge you for the what ifs? Yâall were married and he cheatedâŚyou got rid of him asap( something they always telling people in this comment section to do) so you never even gave your marriage a chance. So the what ifs are understandable . I say tell husband asap so this doesnât get any messier and he doesnât feel some type of way .
The math doesnât add up to be your ex husbands child. Thatâs five weeks before you even slept with your current husband. Since you can only ovulate and get pregnant within a 48hr Window you would need to know exactly how far long you where when you found out you where pregnant. You would of had to been roughly two weeks into your cycle when you slept with your ex to of gotten knocked up by him. Also the fact that you had been trying for years to no Avail itâs more so likely wishful thinking at this point. Not to say it canât happen but idk.
Your loyalty should be to your current husband you shouldâve told him first.
Why are you putting this out on social media and not told your husband yet? Something is not adding up
I think if you confided in your ex. You now hubby should be clued in just in case. This is not fair to him.
First of all you should have talked to your husband first. How in the hell does anyone else know about this and not ur husband?!?!? I would be angry as F***. Start by taking to your husband and get a therapist involved on how to navigate this issue.
The math doesnât add up. Thatâs 4+ weeks difference in a babyâs growth in utero. Your OB wouldâve said something at your scan. I think you opened a can of worms and it was unnecessary. My three year old looks just like my ex husband as a child. And I mean just like. He is also my 8 year old (from my ex) sons little twin. He is absolutely not my ex husbands child.
Donât wait to tell your husband. I think it will be more hurtful if you get the test without telling him first. Healthy relationships need open communication. He shouldnât blame you for getting pregnant before you met. He should be understanding and work it out together as a couple. It can bring you two closer. If you hold information from him it could damage your relationship.
He might of come back but heâd still been cheating on youâŚ
Donât keep this from your husband, and definitely think about your son this could be soul crushing for him and your husband.
Itâs possible and it happened to me⌠My son was turning 6 but my ex knew it wasnât his and he still left ⌠Now he wishes he didnât but yea becareful but itâs gonna eat you alive until you know just do whatâs best for your son
Sometimes even if the child looks like your ex it could be negative it happened with a friend. Her daughter had the same eye condition her now husband had, they figured she looked more like now husband and ex husband treated the girl poorly because of it. Eventually they got her tested and yep she was first husbands kid and he had been treating his own kid poorly because heâs a jerk. It hurt her so much but at least she knows what his true colours are.
You absolutely tell your current husbandâŚabsolutely. he should have been the 1st one you discussed this with.
Your husband doesnât act any diff to him than the others ?? Maybe he even questions this himself but doesnât say anything in fear of hurting you and your son
Just imagine everyone knowing but the birth certificate father. 
I bet that feels like betrayal, you shouldâve talked to him about this before anyone else. Thats your husband after all. Sheeesh i would not want tobe in those shoes.
You separated because he cheated Second donât air private issues on Facebook. And no you donât owe ex anything
It takes 9 months to have a baby⌠we all know this and yet you act as if, youâre not sure who the father is??? Come on now !!
Does Ex husband have any (other) children with ex gf or new wife?
Well all u need to do talk to your husband explain talk to your x explain take dna and move forward the kid part will u might need legal advice on that u r not the only one in that situation but atleast u realize it such is life
I think you should be open and honest with him just like you have with us. He may be upset at first but I think rationality says youâre not to blame and he will come to see that. Since there is a short time frame between the 2 sexual partners this is no oneâs fault and just a crazy curve ball. Being honest and open will help you both manage this curve ball the best in my opinion.
You need to tell your husband before it really comes back to bite you in the butt and it end up being to late he maybe more understanding now versus later
It doesnât matter whoâs it is if your husband has raised him
Is it just me⌠Or is anyone else thinking about how far along the pregnancy was when she found out?? Like Iâd say thatâs a pretty good indicator
Husband should have been the first person you spoke to not the ex. That betrayal alone might be enough reason for him to leave.
love these lost postive out comes ate great its probaly not so relax
I think you should have talked to your current husband before your ex . You went behind his back
You should have just let it be. Good luck w that can if worms you just opened
Probably wouldâve been better to speak to your present husband first. Now that itâs been an open dialogueâŚit would seem unfair to hide the info, and what youâve discussed to otherâs from him.
Talk to your husband and be straight up. Donât do the dna test without informing your now husband because he is gonna be very upset if he is the last one to find out. Especially considering the fact that you already even reached out to your ex and everyone on his side knows. Talk to your husband. He is your husband and he shouldnât be left in the dark because it is his life that is changing too. If youâre honest about it at least he canât be mad you hid it from him. He knows whatâs going on every step of the way.
Your husband should of been the first person you told. He is your partner and has been raising that boy for 9 years now. You betrayed him by reaching out to your ex first. You and your husband should of done that together as a team.
You need to tell your husband 
I think my
Husband would be more upset about the fact that I spoke to my EX first about it before him. Thatâs your husbandâs son regardless of paternity-heâs raised him his whole life. You should have went to your husband first with these concerns. I hope everything works out for yâall!
If heâs known all this time, and he didnât reach out and actively seek a paternity test and a relationship with that child, then he made his choice. Let it go. Your son has the father heâs meant to have.
Your current husband may surprise you by telling you heâs known all along. He may not want to involve the ex and may be hurt that you did without speaking to him first.
You are going to end up
Ruining two of not three relationships you and your current husband , your son and current husband and your relationship with your son. You went about this the wrong way
At this point does it honestly matter? Should taken you suspicions to your grave honestly.
Well u kinda did knowâŚyou slept with 2 people in a short time frame so it could be either one. You should have been honest with both about the pregnancy. And then to reach out to your ex first and not your husband about the kid he has been raisingâŚyep he will probably be pretty upset, but you never truly will know the outcome. Speak with your husband FIRST off,get the dna and then go from there
You should have talked to your current husband first
Tell him the truth. Secrets have no place in a marriage.
There is no point wondering how life would have been, because itâs history. Even if you and your ex got back together you will still have kids to someone else either way so not worth torturing yourself over the perfect family that could have been. I would tell your current husband everything now and be honest about it before it goes any further because itâs not fair on him that this is all being done behind his back. I hope it all works out for you!
Tell him he has a right to know upfront and not be blindsided that could make matters worse
How can you have been with to your current husband for 10 years and have an 8 year old with your ex husband. But you didnât cheat. bit sus.
You should have talked to your husband. Period. That was unfair to go to the ex first.
Heâs raised your son for 10 years sounds to me like he is his father. And you definitely should never have reached out to your ex before you talk to your current husband. That is what heâs going to be upset about and rightfully so. Heâs supposed to be the one you go to not your ex.
Some things need to be left in the closet this being one of them
Why would you not talk to your husband about this possibility? You slept with both men in a short period of time. Of course either could be the father and your new husband should have known from the door.
I say fuck the ex you have a family you donât need anymore. If he knew and said nothing he doesnât deserve the kid anyway
Your ex husband was cheating!!