My son's father may not be who I thought it was, what do I do?

When you find out you’re pregnant you go to the dr and they tell you how far along you are. If there was a month between when you had sex with your ex and your new husband wouldn’t you have known easily whos it was by the date you conceived? If you had sex with your new husband and found out you were pregnant you would have known right away whos it was depending on how far along you were…

Tell him he will
Be pissed off if you do the test and not tell him

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You discovered something like that and instead of discussing it with your husband you decided to run to your ex with the news? You have both agreed on a paternity test without going to the man who has since catered for you and your kids?
You better tell him everything before he hears it from the wrong person. I don’t understand how you can break up with a person and move on to the next so easily. Heartbreaks are tough!

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If you let him have a relationship with him remember not to hurt the father who has been his father in doing so if it is your exs

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Did you have a period after you left the ex? If so it’s probably the husband, if not it’s probably the ex’s. Don’t go down the road with your ex again. Appreciate and respect your husband for all he has done regardless if the kid is his or not.

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110% tell your current husband he has a right to know. Regardless your son is STILL his son too he has raised him his whole life. Also sounds like you miss your old husband by trying to figure out what your past would be like? You have 2 other children with this man. Why sit and wonder? Your ex husband CHEATED on you. Be greatful for the man you have, odds are he probably already knows too but hasn’t said anything because to him blood or not he is STILL his son.

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The first person you should of confided in is your current husband, instead he’s the last to know and now you’re thinking if you’d known from the start you would of stayed with your ex which doesn’t put your relationship in a good place. Whether he’s your eldests dad or not doesn’t change that he cheated on you and your relationship ended. Maybe you want the eldest to be your exes because you never stopped loving him, your current husband is the rebound relationship and not who you want to be with. You’re grateful to him that he gave you a family but gratitude isn’t love. Priority now needs to be your son and finding out the truth for his sake not yours

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Let your ex do the test and then go from there. No reason to upset your husband just to find out your son is in fact no your exs. If it comes back he is well he is still by law your husband but then you need to sit down and explain to him how it went down. Then sit your son down and explain it to him and let him decide if he wants a relationship with your ex. It should be up to him when he choose to open that door.

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Tell your husband what your doing bro

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Well you could maybe say hey listen so and so wants a paternity test bc he thinks our oldest could be his.
And see what happens?
Thats a tough one!!

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I didn’t even read the whole post. I got to the part where you were questioning telling your husband. I feel as if he’s your husband and you should talk to him about everything! How would you feel if the tables were turned? Would u want him to go behind your back if he had suspicions about a child not being yours?

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It’s ok…a child can’t have too much love…you can all love him!

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Personally i wouldve just left it the way it is, im not about to turn my husband and my sons life upside down. Your husband is your sons father. Hes the one whos been raising him since day one, hes the one who supported you throughout the pregnancy, thats his father. All youre looking at now is upsetting your husand and son over blood- Which doesnt mean a thing, not enough to turn their world upside down over it at least.
You need to talk to your husband immediately. Hes the first one you shouldve confided in and hes going to be rightfully upset once you do.

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I say, take it to your grave

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Wait until you know for fact.

But you kicked your ex put cause you caught him cheating on you? Your husband 100% needs to know.

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I’m not gonna lie, I think you knew or you would’ve told your husband your concerns first and not your ex. :woman_shrugging:

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Its hard one.
You know your husband best.
Whats done is done.
Theres no going back. So dont even look that way. Your ex is an ex no matter what. .
Its not good to keep it from him.
But be gentle. Let him know you love him and always have.
Go talk to someone who can help with way you feel.

Dna from your husband and son, nobody needs to know :woman_shrugging:

If it were me… I would order one of those home dna kits first, and without informing anyone. It shouldn’t be too hard to collect samples from people you live with. Find out your results…and THEN make your move. No need to stir the shit pot for anyone, if you really don’t need to.

A month between and you didn’t notice…come on now! You have got to be kidding! :flushed:

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I would have went to your husband first and got a dna test with him and son first then you would know and he would be in the loop

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Definitely should let your husband know before your ex does the test. He should have been the first person you brought these concerns up to.

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He did cheat on you, remember? You should tell your current husband what you think is going on and let him get the results with you

Ima stop you right there.
TELL YOUR HUSBAND RIGHT NOW. He should have been the 1st to know. Now you risk the fact that he may feel betrayed that u told ur ex husband before him…. Ouch…
I know if it were me and my husband told his Ex wife vital information before coming to me first I would be way more upset at that then the actual info. I’ll begin to Question his loyalty to me. Like damn guess we’re not a team. But that’s me tho lol idk ur husband.

I’d tell him. If you wait he’ll be even more pissed you didn’t tell him right awat

If nothing else the child should know who his father is

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Somethings are just better left unsaid and unknown. I promise you this will mentally destroy your son, husband and destroy your marriage!!! Imagine finding out your dad isn’t your dad at 11 years old!!! It actually happened to my mom.

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You found out you were pregnant 2 months after leaving your ex you would have known how far along you were and easily been able to calculate the difference as you would have either been 2 months along or a few weeks along

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See your timing seems real iffy to me. You had sex with your ex 1 week prior to him leaving. Fast forward 1 MONTH you started dating your current husband and had unprotected sex. You mean to tell me you didn’t realize that he wasn’t the father?:thinking: Something’s not right. An ultrasound could’ve pretty much gave you an estimated age not only that, when was your due date? When did you give birth. I’m not gonna lie your husband may suspect that you knew because there was probably a couple of red flags unless your lying to us about the time frame and you actually slept with him RIGHT after you left your ex husband.

How can he be angry if you won’t confront him?? Beside the truth is you made a mistake, you didn’t lie to him, you “THOUGHT” your eldest son was your current husbands you didn’t LIE about it there is a Difference. If you knew your eldest son was your ex’s and told your husband that he isn’t then that is a lie.

But tell your husband what you have noticed over the past few months and explain to him what happened before you and him got together.

Well was you 4 weeks or 8 weeks on your first ultrasound? You could probably look back at that if you have a pic and add the dates up…. But something seems :tropical_fish:

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Do NOT keep this from the man who thinks he’s this boy’s father. No, no, no. Fess up now, you should not have discussed this with the ex without his knowledge. Trouble.

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Well first things first, you need to tell your current husband ASAP. That’s not the kind of thing you do behind his back. Makes you look very suspicious.

I would always tell my husband first. That’s awkward though. What if you point out every similarity and then he ends up being your current husband’s

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I’m gonna be very honest leave well enough alone!

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I’d be honest and tell your husband there’s a possibility, but if it won’t change the way he feels about the child, I wouldn’t get them tested. Unless your ex would want a relationship him if he turns out to be the father. But definitely be honest with all parties involved.

Be careful saw this episode on my crime shows lol but just be honest and be careful. Very careful.

Depending on what state you live in the child legally belongs to which ever man you were married to. It doesn’t matter who is biologically his father. Legally they’ll recognize whoever you were married to. The fact your ex knows and not your current husband is setting you up for trouble.

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You seem like you want to rekindle something with your ex

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He will think exactly that if you don’t tell him before you do the paternity test. Be upfront and allow him to be part of this discovery. He’s the one that’s been in his life all along so as far as he’s concerned, he’s that boys dad. Best of luck.

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He cheated on you… I’d leave the ex alone , you are married and have a family…
How far along were you when you found out you were pregnant. Only just or longer. Cause they will tell to start with…

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Why would you go to your ex about this issue first instead of your current husband? :thinking: & now you’re questioning if you even tell him until you know the results? Absolutely not the right move. Tell your husband now, it already looks shady.

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1- HE CHEATED on you during a difficult time so don’t think for one second that because you have a “baby” together that that would change him!
2- you should have consulted with your CURRENT husband about your suspicion and not your ex! He is going to feel betrayed that you contacted your ex before talking it over with him.
Did your ex-husband have any kids with his side piece?
If not, why get him all excited of the possibility of him actually having a son without knowing for sure??? The paternity test should be done on your current husband first! Then if it’s not your husband’s then reach out to the EX! No need to go stirring up emotions like that especially since you know how hard it was on both of you to not get pregnant together.

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I understand trying to get pregnant for years and then thinking there was no way the pregnancy could be with ex.

I also believe that your child’s mannerisms can start reminding you of your ex. Children change as they mature, especially when you are not expecting the child to act like some one other than your husband.

Too late, but I do think you should have told your husband of your concerns first. Do it now. Sorry you are going through all this turmoil. But you do need to know. Hopefully no matter what the paternity results your husband will remain the dad he has always been. Biology supports sperm donors. True parenting is raising the child. I am a parent of two children both adopted.

Personally id tell him. You didn’t lie , you didn’t cheat.
Id have told him before anyone else though

No secrets, you need to come forward and have a conversation it’s honestly best to be forward then him finding out another way. If you do the test behind his back he’s not going to trust you. Do this journey together

Reading through these comments :woman_facepalming:
Nothing seems “fishy” about this and they get due dates wrong all the time, even with ultrasounds. It happened to me once, I was further along then expected because my baby was measuring small. Due dates are an estimate and thats it. That’s why they tell you that your baby can be born within 2 weeks before and up to 2 weeks after your due date.
As for the OP, I would definitely let your husband in on this. You didn’t cheat or anything. Be honest with him.

Talk to your husband and let him know what everyone is saying. Tell him it got you thinking so you did a DNA test and hopefully it’s not a store box one. He should understand.

This was a Rollercoaster to get through… you should have told your husband from the get go when you first noticed and BEFORE reaching out to the ex.

My opinion, I had a step dad who was in my life the whole time until he passed and no one would have taken that from him. I wouldn’t have allowed it.

You might end up hurting your son and your husband with what steps you have already taken. I would stop, consult your husband and go from there…

Do you want the ex in your life, or would your son want another dad who has never been there or tried to reach out…?

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First off how would ur son react how would he feel. I think that is whats important as he has a father figure and father in his life. You may rock his world upside down

Your husband is your partner. You shouldn’t have done ANYTHING without him.

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Everything happens for a reason but you should definitely be talking to your current husband for sure. I would not mention that you’ve already spoken to ex. That’s ultimate betrayal. Good luck and make sure to update us please :sunglasses:

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Please be open and communicate with your husband about this .

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I think it’s only right to let your current husband know. I’d be upset if I was him that you talked to your ex about it before him

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I’d tell your husband and ask him if he is willing to do the paternity test and leave the EX out of it if that’s what you wish. No one has to know the results beside you and your husband and it shouldn’t change there relationship since he has beef dad this long

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I think you should be honest about what you suspect. My heart is with you :heart:

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Your husband should have been the first person you told this to.
I’m baffled you went and talked to your ex if several years about it with even confirming anything.
Please talk to your husband.

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Can you let us know when you find out :face_with_hand_over_mouth::face_with_hand_over_mouth: this is a crazy story!!

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I think you should definitely tell him before you tell anyone else. It’s only fair that he gets to digest this news too. Yes he will be upset, and have his feelings about it but you are married, you are a team, you don’t keep secrets like that one, tell him and give him time to process, get the test before you even tell your son so he doesn’t have to worry if your current husband is his dad and the relationship won’t change if he is the dad.

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You need to talk to your current husband, don’t tell him you have talked to your ex, what if your husband hears this news from someone else since others know.

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I would just be honest. You didn’t betray your husband. Things get messy when you don’t tell the truth. Maybe your current husband should do the paternity test? I feel like I would feel more comfortable and understanding that way if I was your husband. I wouldn’t want to be left in the dark. Sending love and I’m sorry that you’re in the situation.

Tell your husband and be honest. Let him know that you have been noticing the little things in your son that are the same or similar to the ex and you are scared. He most likely will want a dna test done just to be sure. does not mean his relationship with your son will change at all. does not mean anything will change. There has to have been some doubt in his mind all these years just due to timing. Either he did a test behind your back and the child is his, or it doesn’t bother him at all. If others have known all this time, he’s heard the rumors. Just talk to him.

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First, dont start thinking what if, thats the worst scenerio as you really dont knot which way it would have went. Second, he CHEATED on you, were you not hurt by it? Why dismiss that detail now? And treat it as nothing by saying what IF you would have stayed n not kicked him out. Third!!! Girlfriend, you have a man that stepped up to the plate, a man you have formed a family with, a man who thinks this is his son, and probably is (the possibility is there). You SHOULD have spoke to your husband first, tell him what you have noticed so that he (the one that should really be taken into consideration first) wont feel betrayed by you, for going to the ex first. Now, the ex, oh boy, the cheater, the man that KNEW all along the kid looked like him yet NEVER stepped up, never reached out to you or show the REMOTE interest in your boy! He never sent money to support him or even a Christmas present. Excuse me for saying this, but wth is going on in your head?! Seems you are still in love with him and r jumping on this opportunity (excuse) to be in touch with him. You are mixing your personal feelings for him with the paternity of your son, and that is really messed up for both your son, and your husband! Tell that poor man of your husband what is going on if u have any decency left. Give him the chance to digest it and together with you, his wife make a decision on how to move forward. Betrayal is the worst for some people, the trust will be gone. Your husband and child come first.

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You went to your ex-husband before your current husband? :thinking: I’d be irate if I was your current husband. The moment it crossed your mind you should have been talking to your husband. You need to test your current husband before your ex-husband. You really need to think about how this will affect your entire family not just you and your wanna be could have been family.

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I would have told the current before the ex :grimacing:
And with the ex saying he already knew and his gf been stalking why wouldn’t he have reached out to you sooner to see if the kid was his or not? Specially if he wanted a kid. And everyone else knows but never thought “hey maybe we should call her and ask about it”?

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Tell your husband your suspicions he should understand should have told him first

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You need to do this paternity test asap. Like asap. Everyone needs to know what’s what after this test comes in. Tell your husband the whole truth from beginning to end but go do this test right now. Don’t tell your husband that you don’t know if its his son. That is an awful thing for him to go through emotionally. You should tell him the entire truth of everything that happened the moment you can confirm with absolute certainty whether or not this is in fact his biological son. I really hope it is his son but you need to find out right this moment. As soon as physically possible. I am so sorry you are going through this.

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You shouldn’t have said anything about it to your ex husband without talking to your husband first. He’s the one you’re committed to and who has been raising your son all along. If your ex husband had a suspicion and never acted on it then he clearly doesn’t care as much as he would like you to think. Why cause problems and drama solely based on your curiousity when you have a family already, and it’s been that way for over 8 YEARS?

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You shouldve talked to your current husband before your ex. Current husband is the one whos been there and thought he was the dad and it seems cruel to be going behind his back with this when its something that effects him greatly. Ex had zero rights to that info until you told him.

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I’m sorry I stopped reading after u told your ex but haven’t told your current the one that’s been in this kids life the whole time :woman_facepalming:t2:

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You should of told your current husband your thoughts first before you did anything. Now you have gone behind his back to get a paternity test. Make sure you do not wait any longer he needs to know the truth

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Get a DNA test first…

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I think a lot of your anxiety at the moment would be eased if you let your husband know , and start by letting him know how bad you feel for going behind his back , I am not judging you at all , but when we are on the outside of a situation it is clearer for us to advise you. all the best.

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Tell you husband. It’s been to long, honesty is always best no matter what. Then get a paternity test done without your son knowing. Try not to cause stress and turmoil on the child until you know for sure. Good luck on this, it must be eating you up

Don’t do the DNA test b4 telling your husband it will be another secret you are keeping from him " and he is going to find out anyway we all know that" He is not just a one night stand he is your husband.

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I would have an honest convo with your husband. This could cause issues for your son and your current husband. Everyone deserves honesty.

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Should’ve told your husband first, get the idea of a future with your ex out of your head. Be honest with everyone. Take it one step at a time. If everyone is grown and non egotistic, I say things will be awesome and your son will have two father figures with two different perspectives to give advice to him . As long as the adults act like adults I think everything will be fine

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You should’ve talked to your husband 1st. You still can before you continue with any more steps. You both need to decide on whether or not to take this paternity test. It will be hard, it might break his heart, but he has a right to be q part of whatever you do next. In his eyes it IS his son. And what if he doesn’t want to know? Who has more right? The man that’s been there all along or the one whose suspected & never reached out? You didn’t cheat, you didn’t betray him. Maybe somewhere deep down he’s suspected but never said anything.

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You should have told your current husband the second you found out you were pregnant and the second you had suspicions. I can’t speak for your current but I’m pretty sure your current will feel betrayed that you went to your ex first.

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I think I would have told my current husband before anyone.

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It’s about the kid, not you, find out for his sake and manage any fallout as best you can…

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Umm why are you still talking to your ex husband if you guys don’t have any kids together? Are you hoping for something more idk what you’re looking for here

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If I was ur husband I’d already feel betrayed that you’ve spoken to ur ex, ur brother and Facebook and not him and now u want to add in a DNA test without telling him. Speak to ur current hubby the father of ur other 2 kids the man ur spos to be sharing ur life with.

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:expressionless:. U should have told your current husband 1st…shouldnt even be of thinking what if’s…past is the past. Be honest tell your husband. Work it out & find a solution.

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If infertility made you split up to point he cheated I can’t see what future you’d have had
Take off the rose tinge glasses and see how unhealthy your relationship became

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Get the paternity test first. If it comes back positive then obviously you will need to have it come out in the open. But if it comes back negative then you can put it behind you without hurting your husband or the child.
I don’t see any point in telling them yet but I would also have minimal contact with the ex prior to the outcome. You don’t need to muddy the water. It could be messy enough. Good luck to you all.

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Why does it sound like u want to be with ur ex husband? And I don’t think it would change much if ur husband now loves your son like his own! Either way u need to get that paternity test done for the sake of ur son!

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You should tell your husband immediately. Also are you forgetting that your ex cheated on you? You need to think about whether this is about your child or your unresolved feelings for him.

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so you kicked your ex out straight away after he cheated and now you’re not wanting to tell your husband that the child might not be his?
double standards?
I’m sorry but if you’re hiding it from him, he’s going to leave. you’re hurting him or you’re about to and that’s not fair.
Imagine how you felt when your ex cheated, your current partner will feel 100 times worse because you’re keeping this from him. ? :woman_facepalming:t3:

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Should have talked to the current husband about your concerns and had him do a paternity test. Now he will think you betrayed him not sure you can fix it. Think you should find a counselor to figure out what you want and to help decide how to tell your son. No concerns here about how he will feel when he finds out his father isn’t his father :woman_shrugging:

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U said u slept with him one week before he cheated then a month after u slept with new one then a month after that u got pregnant…yea I don’t think its ur exes kid

I’m invested now and need to know the results.

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Which month would be 9 months before your son was born?
You said you slept with ex then a month later slept with current husband. So just do the math. 🤷
Also, tell your husband!

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You should’ve told your husband before your ex🤷‍♀️

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You need to tell your current husband NOW. Not after. That’ll look and be so much worse on your part if you wait.

And I’m sorry, but your last statements seems you want to get back with your ex husband?! Just bc the kid might be his? Seems you just need to leave your current husband now if that’s even the case. Don’t get stuck on past feelings. It will ruin your marriage.

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Does your husband know what your ex looks like? Does he have functional eyeballs? He might have thought about it before and also been too afraid to bring it up. I mean, y’all are looking at the same kid, so… :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I couldn’t even read it all. You done fukd up the second you contacted your ex without discussing this with your husband. Dick move. Major dick move.

You need to tell everyone. It was an honest mistake. Everyone involved deserves to know though no matter what. It sucks, it’s gonna hurt everyone, it’s not ideal. You’ll all be ok and make it through together though. Hopefully your current husband will understand and be supportive. Everyone deserves to know though. I wish my mom had told us all. Trust me, don’t invite that kind of resentment in your life. Tell everyone and get the test.

Can you have DNA tests run? That should answer your questions. Talk to your doctor.