I have a one-year-old son; I’m not with his father haven’t been since I found out I was pregnant. I have a wife; she is in the military. I don’t get support in any way from my son’s father, and that’s been okay with me… I don’t need it… we take care of him while he’s here four days and his father takes care of him when he’s there three days… he’s happy loved and taken care of, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. My wife and I have been dealing with distance since before he was born with her in basic and deployed active duty, which we get through, but we can’t nor should we continue to pay for separate rents/ households and be apart. I have always wanted to leave state (my sons father knew this way before I ever got pregnant) but now I more so do so that I can give my son and myself a better future and life. Me and my wife have an apartment which me and my son currently stay in, and My wife has just gotten a place set for us out of state where she is, I have tried multiple times to ask my sons father for permission to move out of state and work with him to co-parent out of state to which he replies that it’s an absolute no and he doesn’t give me consent to leave he never will, and he won’t be away from his son no matter what. Basically tells me he will never allow me leave. I have told him it’s to better my sons future, I have told him I want to work together to co-parent that I want a schedule that is equal and fair so we both have equal time as we do now also that I want him to keep communication with my son when he’s with me through video, etc. My wife has even offered him to stay with us a month to get on his feet to live closer to his son, and he still gives me a straight no and won’t allow me to leave. I have tried everything and every angle to work with him… but he just won’t see past being selfish and petty ( he doesn’t like my wife for no reason), and it breaks my heart… I just want what’s best for my son, and it’s as if he just doesn’t care. He guilt trips me and tells me I’m in the wrong because I’m trying to just take his son from him, and that’s not the case, I would never do that or stop him from seeing him or having his time with him. I’m too kind-hearted at times, and I’m scared just to get permission to leave. My question is, am I wrong if I take him to court to get permission from them to leave? Am I wrong for leaving or wanting to leave? Am I wrong for wanting a better life for my son and myself? Any advice is helpful. Thank you so much! God bless.
If you are legally married you are allow to move a child across state line for a job transfer of a spouse
Are you wrong if you just up and leave? Absolutely.
2nd the comment above
If your married and there is no custody agreement in place you can just move he would have to take you to court in the state the baby lives in
Go to court, if you can prove it’s in the child’s best interest to move, a judge will give you permission and it will not matter what they say. Also, if you do not have a court ordered custody agreement, you can do as you wish BUT, I strongly suggest to try to get sole custody or joint custody before leaving. Then, your bases are covered and it’s what a judge rules
Also if it ro better yourself and life and the best interest of the child you won’t have any problems leaving … is he on the birth certicate if not carryon don’t worry about him
You have joint custody not quite 50/50 but 4-3 he is well with in his rights to refuse the move.
How is moving in the child’s best interest?
I would check with an attorney, sometimes if it’s due to work or the work of your spouse, they’ll allow you to move. My question is, if the father is involved in your child life, why in the world would you want to take that child from his father. Maybe give the father custody and you can come visit the child. Are you thinking of what’s best for your child or what you want for you? Really, who’s the one be selfish? And of course you’re trying to take his son from him, this is all about you and not what’s best for your child.
I was gonna say if court order take it to court if not then move
First of all thank your wife for her duty to our country and thank you for your sacrifice. It is not wrong to move with your wife where she is stationed. I would definitely go to court and get an order so you can leave. Both tour times will be outlined in the order and it will make future plans that much more easier.
Removing a child from the other loving parent is not good. Why don’t you move and leave the child with their father? Would that be acceptable for you to live in another state while your child lives with the other parent? I’m sure you would say no. He’s the father. He has every right to his child that you do.
Dad is selfish. Definitely assess the laws in your state.
You can move if you want if there’s no custody arrangement. He will then have to take you to court and a judge will decide what happens next. If he has legal visitation/custody then you need to go to court to find out what you can and can’t legally do. So I think you’re wrong for wanting to move? No. Makes sense to me.
Why do you think your son will live a ‘better life’ if you move to wherever your wife is, meaning away from his father? I am not biased, as I was in this same position 10 years ago after my son was born, but I am curious.
Take it to court. If judge says ok then he can’t stop ya
File for a child custody modification through the courts. You can petition the judge to grant you permission to move out of state if your sons father doesn’t approve. It doesn’t mean you will definitely get to go but you can ask the courts to over rule his decision. If you up and leave the state without permission, your sons father can call the cops and have your son taken out of your custody and returned to him and you will be in contempt of your custodial order and could be charged with kidnapping. Going through this right now with a parent who left state without permission and may lose custody because of it.
It is not in the best interest of the child to take him from his father. It’s in your best interest. I cannot see any judge agreeing with you and allowing you to move.
There’s no court order? Move, let him take you to court. Or go to court yourself. If there’s no formal rights established he can’t stop you
So being away from his dad in another state is a better life for him? Why do women think they can make all the decisions regarding what’s “best” for the child? Take him to court you might not get the response you want.
If you was never married to him you can leave. If u was married then u need to petition the courts and prove beyond a doubt the move is in the best interest for the child. Coparenting states away is hard. U need to set up face timing, visits etc
He can refuse all he wants until you take it to court. Also if there is no court ordered agreement already in place for the custody arrangements i believe you can move without having to go to court
If you don’t have a legally binding court order, he can’t stop you from doing anything. Is it the correct way to do it, probably not.
I would ask a lawyer or go to court just to make sure everything is legal but no it is not wrong for you to want to move or to move. I’m from a military family and we moved where ever my step dad got stationed at. I was able to go see my family during the summer while i was out of school and holidays. So for about 110 days of the year i spent with my other side of the family. And some of these people dont understand the military life and what all is included. Best of wishes
What if your son stayed with dad while you moved and you did the visits etc
Like dad would. Would you want that? I dont think his father dies either. So it’s going to be hard for one of you.and someone is going to be hurt.
You’re gonna have to go to court and PROVE it’s best for the child- not you, your wife, you bd…the child. They could still decline your move.
You are in the wrong! You are trying to take his son from him of course he’s going to be defensive! You chose to have a baby with him regardless of your wife. Should have thought about that before you got pregnant. You said he has him three days a week… that’s almost 50/50 joint custody.
He is using your child as a means of control. Move away and let your wife adopt your child- be a family.
Its not “what’s best for him” to have to move away from his father… I completely understand the fact that you shouldn’t have to live separate from your wife, but your son comes first and he has a father who wants to be involved which is amazing and should be valued. It’s obviously not what any mother would want but maybe YOU should move and work out a custody agreement to take your son for the summers and certain holidays? What’s best for him would be putting him and his needs first…
Go to court. The least they can do is set up a court ordered visitation and give you permission to leave state without the child’s other parents consent. My sister shared custody with her daughter’s father’s mom for awhile and had to go through this to be able to move out of state. Just remember that some of these visitations are absolutely bonkers. They will say he can’t have the child during school because the child can not miss school (when they start oviously) and than the other parent basically gets them most of the holiday vacations. My sister only gets her daughter for a month out of the summer vacation if that…and honestly now that the child is older she hates the fact that she has to be torn fr her friends and family to go visit other family every single time because it is court ordered. She can’t get a summer job, can’t take a proper family vacation ect. It’s just as hard on the child as it is on the parents
You can ask the court to allow you to move, however, state depending, if dad is involved as much as you say, the court may award him primary with you visitation. If you live in separate states, how would you continue the 50/50 split like you have now? Would the child still be able to see dad 3 days a week? It’s not wrong for you wanting to give your son a better life, but you have to ask yourself how you would react if dad wanted to move with him to a different state, with the promise of allowing you visits. He (dad) may not want to leave his home, friends, family, etc., to better suit your lifestyle. The situation stinks, but it’s one of the unfortunate side effects of a split home.
You sound so fucking selfish. If he is there for that child ALMOST as much as you, what right do you have to take his child? Or try to force him to uproot HIS life and follow you and your wife?
You can’t have everything. You had a child, time to think of what’s best for HIM not you. And that’s having both parents.
If you think it’s so easy for him to give up his child, why don’t you leave him with the father and YOU can move to be with your wife.
This is disgusting.
I would take it to court especially if you’re willing to make the effort of co-parenting from a different state. Sounds like the ex doesn’t want to put the extra effort in
If your custody agreement is solely between to two of you and not court ordered then you do not need the father’s permission to move away with the baby. Even if the father’s name is on the birth certificate if there is no custody arrangement on file with the court and you and the father were not married at the time of the birth, the father has no legal right to the child.
You absolutely can move with your child. No one, including a judge can force you to stay in a state just because the other parent lives there. The judge will make a custody order. It literally happens every single day. The child will alternate between homes. It’s that simple. (Is it in the best interest of the child? Probably not, but you have to do what you have to do for your family)
Guess you can leave the child with his dad and you can move with your wife
Would that work?
I actually had this happen with my ex. He wouldn’t give me permission to leave the state with our children, so guess what? I DIDN’T!
I may get attacked for this, but what’s best for your son isn’t just what is best for YOU.
P.S. You’re not getting “support” from him because it sounds like you have shared custody. You both have him 1/2 the time.
Is he listed on the birth certificate?
If he isn’t …you’re free and clear. He will have to file for a paternity test, and file for custody. You will have to fight it.
If he is, you will need to try mediation (cheaper than going directly to court)… If you have a custody agreement, the agreement should state how you make changes. In most cases you have to go to mediation.
The only way you’re going to be able to leave is to take him to court and have a custody hearing and agreement, being that your wife is in the military I will help you and also ask your wife to look into attorneys through the military
I mean you kind of are taking his son from him? He’s well within his rights to deny you taking his son far from him where he cant see him every week. I would say no too.
Your not wrong for wanting to move. Nor are you taking his child away from him. People do this type of co parenting all the time. My mom did it with my sisters dad. But your gonna have to go thru the courts if you have an agreement I would go for it if you think it’ll be good for you guys. But they can still decline it.
Take him to court. They will ask how it will be better for your son. They will ask for a plan on visitation with his dad. Etc. They will ask for how he will be getting to each state. Once you can prove and convince the judge you won’t need dads permission.
You’re not wrong for wanting a life!
You should be happy too. Take him to court.
You should’ve thought about this before having a child. You wanna move? Leave baby with his father then. Why should the two of them be punished because your wife is military. You make the sacrifice not him. And definitely go to court. Depending on the state it’s parental kidnapping and either way court is done in original state not new
If you were never married and never came up with a plan that is documented in court, leave. You are the mother and if never married to the father, you have legal and physical custody.
From a legal standpoint you will need to file a Motion to Relocate. You will also likely need to engage an expert to produce a report related to what is in the best interest of the child. Be prepared to spend no less than 6 months on the process and upwards of $40,000+ dollars in attorney and expert fees. This in no way will guarantee the court will issue an order allowing your son to relocate but will be the only means to legally relocate your son without facing kidnapping charges. Speak to a family law lawyer right away.
Just go to court and do things LEGALLY.
My question would be is the father on the birth certificate - were you ever married to the father - and was this co-parenting arrangement made through the courts or just among the two of you as the parents. If his name is on the birth certificate and the child carries his name then he has the same amount of rights as you do - if you were never married and never went thru the courts to establish the arrangements he can actually take you to court and fight you for full custody of your child if you try to move the child to another state without his consent and acceptance of the move regardless of the fact that you are married. Sounds like you need to contact a family lawyer.
Everyone is saying that you have to go to court to get permission to move out of state…that is only true if there is already a court ordered custody & visitation agreement in place. If there isn’t one…you can pick up and move whenever you want to. I’m not saying that’s the right decision to make…but you can do it. I’m curious as to why you just assume that your son will have a better life with you and your wife than he will with his father being present in his life on a regular basis. You should be glad that your son has an involved father who wants to be part of his life. If you’re set on moving to where your wife is, leave your son with his father and move.
Nobody is stopping you from moving to be with your wife, since that seems to be your concern. Dad is perfectly capable of taking care of both of yours guys son, and you can be the long distance parent. If you think that deal is good enough for dad, than it should be good enough for you also.
See what the courts say.
Courts told my ex that he was not allowed to move out of state.
I can see where you’re coming from why you think he is being difficult bc your wife offered to let him come stay with you guys for a month and trying to make sure he would still be very involved even with the distance but I also feel like taking your son away from his Dad isn’t right. I’d hate to have to go to court bc one of you will get burned. Maybe try to come to an agreement like you keep him throughout the school year and his dad keeps him for summer break. And holidays spend all together.
If its not court ordered just go and tell.him.after you.move so he can’t file.papers prolonging the move and work out the details after wards then he cant guilt.uou
My husband’s ex-wife wanted to move to Iowa (we live in Wisconsin). She took him to court because he initially refused. The court would not force him to agree. Not sure how that varies state by state though. It could turn into a GAL getting involved and them making a decision; a decision that’s best for your son. So don’t be surprised if it doesn’t go in your favor. The military isn’t necessarily the most stable home environment.
How would you feel if he was the one relocating with your son??? Bad I guess. You are not wrong for wanting the best for your son but he isn’t wrong for saying no either. If court can help decide what’s best for the son, go ahead.
So he is an involved parent who has the child almost half the time? He shouldn’t have to pay support because it sounds like you each have joint custody 50/50. Why would he give you permission to take him out of state when he is an active father? You will have to go to court, but be advised, it isn’t likely they will allow it consider your current arrangement.
Curious… do you have a court order for custody and visitation?
Also he is not selfish and petty got not wanting to lose his son or move with you and your wife. You are selfish for expecting him to.
Is there a legal custody order in place already? If not move now before there is then file in the state you move to
Honestly if your kid is happy and dad is in his life and playing a role, I feel like it would be wrong to take him from his dad. I understand your situation, but your baby’s dad shouldnt be expected to get up and move just because you want to and for your happiness. That’s part of military life, especially with other parents involved.
I dont know much about this at all but it is very informative. I appreciate the topic discussion!!!
Sounds like you are going to have to get tough and go to court…I know some people are saying what’s best for u might not be best for the child …well if you are unhappy than you are going to have an unhappy child …
Your only option is to go to court and let them decide since you both cant come to an agreement. It sucks but should work out in your favor.
If you do not have a legal court order, theres technically nothing he can do to stop you from moving, but you need to get a court order in place asap. If you have a court order already, then yes you need to petition the court, and show the judge why it would be in the best interest for your son. In that instant, theres no guarantee a judge will agree or disagree though, youd just have to go through the process & see what happens at that point.
If roles were reversed you wouldn’t want him leaving with your child either. 
So it’s fair to take a son away from his father bc of your wants?! Are you serious right now?
How would you feel if roles were reversed?
Send a certified letter to the father stating you will be locating to wherever .if he doesnt like it he will have to send you to court most cases If your married to someone in service the other parent can’t stop you as long as you give some kind of visitation.
Did I read that right? YOU want to take your son away from HIS FATHER so YOU can be with your wife? NO. That’s messed up on so many levels. If you want to go so bad then give the father full custody and be on your way. It is not about what YOU want or what YOU think is best. How would you feel if the tables were flipped and his father was trying to move out of state with your son just to be closer to someone else. You chose to lay down and make that baby with that man, you have no right to take him from his father. Sounds like you’re just being selfish to be closer to someone else 🤷
Call an attorney for a free consultation
You can’t really share time with the father if you’re in 2 different states…unless the child is homeschooled. I don’t blame the dad… If he weren’t involved in the child’s life I’d say leave and don’t look back… But the fact that he gets him, not every other weekend, but 3 DAYS A WEEK! Absolutely not.
Dads have rights too! Any of you agreeing she should take him from his very PRESENT father have some serious issues. You have no clue of the situation, only what she said. I’m so tired of women thinking they are the only one that matters in their kids life! This is ridiculous!
I understand why you want to move. That being said, it sounds like you guys have a pretty good co-parenting setup. If you take him to court after he says he’s not okay with it, you will be ruining the co-parenting relationship you have built. If you want to move then have the decency to leave your son with his father. It’s not fair that both of their lives would completely be changed because you want to be closer to your wife. If it’s that important to you, then go. But leave your son with his dad and you can get him on holiday breaks during school and for summer vacation. That’s the only way I see it as fair since he is a good dad.
He can’t tell you you you can’t go. But, if you can’t agree, a court will decide where your son resides.
If you are married and your spouse moves due to job, especially military the judge can NOT tell you that you cant move with them! They will adjust the visitation according.
The only thing I heard in your post is you want to be with your wife. Nothing about how it would make your son’s life better. How would moving every so often for your wives military career be better than a stable home near both his parents? Your son’s father has every right to fight you. You just said hes a good dad that has your son half the week. Don’t rip your son away from that
You’re an adult. He can’t make your decisions. If he’s listed on the birth certificate, the courts will work with you on a revised, more convenient placement plan. It’s not up to him if you move, Girl!
As the mother of children who have an involved parent, I won’t move out of state. My husband is military and geobaches when he’s transferred and we stay here because that’s where their dad is located.
I am with your ex. Sorry. He shouldn’t have his kid taken away because you choose to be with someone who is moving or could move. 
.
I had to go to court… Mine is almost the exact same situation except I didn’t leave the state, I just moved 4hrs away to the furthest border lol. I have been with my wife a long time. I had my kids young, on purpose and with this man for a reason… He’s always known I’m a lesbian and it was supposed to be a good way to have kids but you know nothing ever goes as planned. He was my best friend. Ff to 2017 and he doesn’t want me to move where my wife’s military shit is taking her. Well sorry bro we’re going he took me to court and I won with no attorney and he had one. He gets them every wked and the summer. The judge was going to give him every other wked at his own expense… I spoke up for more time… Never was attempting to keep the kids away but my wife was going where she had to and her family was coming with her that’s it that’s all. I moved b4 court ever started so he was mostly tryna make me move back or get custody. Didn’t work out but we coparents ok again now and he gets them for all his time and we just work the rest out, if he wants them for something and I don’t have any plans then of course he can make the 3-4hr drive to come get them I don’t have to do any transportation per court order and I mostly don’t unless he rlly needs me to enough and actually asks which has bn maybe 3 times in all these yrs
Not fair to take him away from an active in his life father… absolutely no…
Yes. You’re very wrong. What if he had him and moved to another state?
As far as I know if your not married or divorced you dont need his permission. It depends on the state, so I’d check into your state laws on it.
No you can’t take someone’s kid away. If you want to leave that badly and you don’t understand why a parent would mind being separated from their child then why don’t you give him custody?
Go to court if you can prove that you can still provide a stable life for your son out of state the judge will grant you permission to leave. and the courts will help you come up with a parenting agreement so that way he gets time and you get time but you need to understand that there will be a period of time where you will be without your son because you will have to send him to go live with his father. I think it speaks a lot about the father that he does not want to be away from his son. I’m sure you don’t either. But you definitely need to understand that if you move out of state you will have to also agreed to be without him for a period of time. No court is just going to let you take him and not let him have visitation with his father. Those are things you need to think about.
I’m on dad’s side. You’re only thinking about yourself.
You don’t need his permission. Just go. If he wants to file court papers later to work out long distance visitation, that’s on him.
I think ur in the wrong why would u want to take your son away from his dad cause that is what u would be doing, how would u like it of he took u to court and won access of ur son u would u move away thenx
It’s a decision that a family court judge will have to decide. Don’t do anything stupid and just leave. That is parental kidnapping. Who has custodial custody? Get a good attorney and get to work.
What opportunities are in a new state that aren’t in your current state?
I am quite concerned with all of the false and misleading suggestions to “just move” that have been posted. To the OP, the best and only thing you should do is contact a family law lawyer in your state to determine the correct and legal actions to take. If you do not, you could risk facing kidnapping charges and a loss of parenting time. You should be prepared to spend a minimum of 4 months and at least $30k in legal and expert fees. Whatever you do though, do not relocate without proper court orders to do so.
This is something that unfortunately you will need a lawyer and ask, and go to court for it IF the father is on the birth cert. If he is not, then until HE takes you to court and get a dna test and proves the child is his then he can’t say anything. If you can prove the move is in the best interest for your child (ie, higher paying job, lower cost of living, closer to family etc) then the court can grant you permission. Unfortunately if you knew you wanted to move there to be with your wife, you should have done that while pregnant. The father would have had zero say until baby was born. But, on the other hand you also do need to consider if the roles were reversed. I also understand that he technically has full rights to up and move anywhere in the world, but you are chained down to where he, or the courts, will allow you to move. If you do truly want to move, then you need a lawyer and write up your plan on how you will still allow and enable the father to see his child regularly with that distance. YOU may have to pay for transport costs to get your child to and from the father.
Your a parent and that means sacrificing your life for the betterment of your child. So either go with your wife and leave your son with his father or have your wife come your way as much as possible until she can move with you. She new you had a son and he should always come first. And please be careful you don’t resent your son. He didnt ask for this situation.
A couple of points: 1) if mom and dad have equal time, no one should be paying support 2) Mom does not have more rights by default, simply because anatomy is different 3) please stop suggesting women have more rights than men, when it comes to children. It’s gross and you should be ashamed
Hun if you have a merit reason on why you want to move. You have to submit it to through the courts if you guys have a custody agreement- if theres no agreement he has no say in any of it
As a Coparent I will never move out of state unless my Coparent agrees to move with. It is such a necessity for healthy development to have both parents consistently involved at that age. Psychologically at that age it is suggested that a child see each parent every few days at a minimum. I would really consider the long term impact this could have on your child regardless of what you personally want.
So why would it be better for your child to move? A father is just as important as a mother in a childs life.
Seems to me that your being extremely fair with him and trying too accommodate him. If he insists on not letting you go definitely take legal action. If you’re sons going to have a better life and opportunities moving by all means do it. I know that the military provides housing and I grew up with my stepdad in the military and the base was so fun and way less drama. But ultimately I would just go to court because he can’t stop you from moving especially because you’re spouse has to be there for work. Hope you guys work something out
That’s a very hard situation
You CAN NOT LEGALLY leave if he’s on the birth certificate he can get you for kidnapping. You can SAY you’re going to go visit but you have to be specific with the dates unless there’s some kind of domestic violence then it could make a difference. I’m originally from Texas but live in California and I had to go through court to have custody sorted out… the father had requested for me not to leave the state BUT the judge granted him visitation every 3 months. So 3 months he’s with me then I fly with the baby to California, vice versa. If YOURE not happy do not stay. Think about your kid and leave if you really want too
Is he on the birth certificate, do you have full costly, do you have a parenting agreement, have you filed for full custody
Marrying someone who is active duty you knew it would be like that to begin with. Maybe she should try to be stationed somewhere closer or maybe you should give the father custody and have visitation yourself. You can’t ask your kids dad to pick up his whole life and move out of state for you to be happy with your new person, lmao. You sound so selfish.