My sons keep inviting their friends over while I am not home: Advice?

Is it possible to get one job that pays better? I know if I didn’t have my fiance I wouldn’t be able to afford my own place with one job so that must be hard. But leaving the kids home alone all day, I’m sure they just want to be social with someone. Do you gets days off? Maybe see if they can invite their friends then. Or would you be ok if your kids went to their friends house until a certain time? Do they have phones you can chrck on them regularly with?

Oooo you could also leave enough meals out for your boys, and then lock the rest of the food up too. That way your kids are being fed but you’re still in control of what gets eaten when.

Go the your local police station and befriend a cop or two. Tell them the story and see if they can do a drop in. The cops can make up there own excuse!

My advice would be tell them since they can’t be responsible, now they have to have a sitter and have an adult come sit with them. Also change wifi passwords so they can’t use it without permission and take away phones if they have them. I would also inform the parents of the friends that the kids are NOT allowed at my home at all unless they speak to me and get permission directly from me and I am home. I would also inform them if they send their kids to my house while I am not home I will be reporting that they are allowing their unsupervised minors to trespass. Install cameras too. Make it clear to ALL involved.

6 Likes

Talk to the other kids family.

I would talk to the friends parents and tell them what’s going on and if you do know the police ask them if they could drive by occasionally and if anyone is there ask them to leave or their parents will be called. Also amazon has home security cameras for as low as $100 for a 4 pack. We got those and they are amazing. We can watch our home from anywhere and even talk through the camera

1 Like

Going to have to tell these parents…your home is not the hang out…

3 Likes

I lock all the good snacks up in my house. If there are only healthy snacks to eat, kids will probably go home :joy:

5 Likes

Try a work from home job they have several and she is such a good Facebook group
The Work at Home Lounge (WAHJobQueen)

I mean there probably not going to stop unless you get a sitter for them too

3 Likes

Check out your local Boys and Girls Club.

1 Like

Are they allowed to go to a friend’s house while you’re gone, if they ask you beforehand?

Make them clean up when you get home feed them things like beans and stuff like that don’t restock when it is gone they get what you can

1 Like

Get a baby sitter let them know that they can’t be trusted so you have to pay a sitter it’s also a lot of hours to be left along I know you got to work but is it fair to the kids

2 Likes

I definitely think u need a babysitter for while u are at work. That way they can be cleaning up after themselves and have some guidance and responsibilities. With you gone, they dont feel the need to have any responsibility. i also think having friends around is a good thing and wouldnt u rather them be at ur home then out running the streets not knowing what they are up to? I understand the food situation, for sure, but then again, kids do need friend interactions. If u are working all the time, i feel like the kids sitting at home alone with no other interactions can cause them to act out more, from not being able to hangout with their friends like other kids. idk theres alot to this. But I definitely suggest a babysitter that way they dont trash the place and are told to clean up after themselves

People keep saying if they aren’t old enough or mature enough then they can’t handle it… you do realize they’re still children right. They need attention and some supervision. That’s a long time to be without any supervision. I’m sure they feel alone and get bored. I understand the mom is a single mother and has to work to provide everything for them but at the same time kids also need a parent

6 Likes

Can you talk to the friends’ parents and let them know you are not there and would like no one there during that time?

2 Likes

Sounds like he needs to be supervised for awhile. Mine did this too. But invited the neighborhood kids too. I had knife holes in my furniture and floor. They broke a window and proceeded to jump out of it over and over. I was at work. I okayed 1 friend. Yikes. Good luck

1 Like

Tell them if they are not going to listen you will have to hire a babysitter. I bet they don’t want that. Then take a day off (the later job) and act like you are going to work as usual (plan grocery shopping or something or go to a friends) and wait an hour or two then go back home. If they are busted with friends, call the friends parents right away. Take all electronics away, change passwords, take charging/power cords away and get a home phone land line for emergencies. Then I would hire a neighbor to baby sit for a couple days (I know it’s not cheap) and tell the kids that if they don’t want this then to start listening. By taking a random day off shows them you could do it again. Letting the friends parents know (maybe the parents don’t know their kids are going to your house, or they think you are home) it should stop the kids going to your house. Other option is to put them into a program after school and get an alarm for the house. Keep it armed once you leave and don’t let them know the code to shut it off. If anyone enters, or leaves, the alarm will go off. This would work well for summer break as they will be home when you leave. Yes, it will suck they can’t go out to play or have electronics but they lost that privilege. Have lots of books available. Ask your local police to do a check as well if needed.

I have cameras in my home and fortune a good friend that lives next door who will run people off. I would definitely have a conversation with their parents and I definitely wouldn’t be restocking junk food because they let their friends eat it all. Actions have consequences.

6 Likes

First of all you should come down from chair “MY HOUSE “ . I am single mother of 3 kids too, but telling my kids that’s my house of course every time I leave they will destroy it. But it’s our house and they respect it more when I put them included with our house and our fridge and how hard it’s to make money special for single person to support family of 4. How if snacks is done for this week then there’s no more until next week. Teach them how to respect their own stuff not your stuff

2 Likes

Stop justifying your choices, oregon law says 13 is old enough to babysit or stay home alone. Yoyr doing a good job mama

2 Likes

Say, NO!!! and mean it!!

Unfortunately the current situation isn’t working. Expecting them to stay home all day alone and do nothing for 13 hours is too much. Idk that I have much advice but maybe look into a babysitter for some of those hours or finding a new job? Where does the 4 year old go for 13+hours a day?

5 Likes

I’d be talking to the friends parents and letting them know that even though you kid has extended the invite they actually didn’t have permission to do that. And while you don’t mind an occasional visit, your kid is not being responsible about it so the daily visits are not being allowed for now.

3 Likes

Put cameras and a security system in that lets you know when your doors open so you can see when kids enter your home and you get notified and you can watch the cameras with your phone. I wouldn’t take the internet because you know that there home and playing games and with you being gone you it least know there home and not out doing other things. Set out snacks and meals for the day and then they can’t over eat everything.

2 Likes

Get a BABY SITTER since they can not listen and be respectful treat them as babies.

3 Likes

Find them a baby sitter, too! Apparently they aren’t responsible enough to stay at home by theirselves.

1 Like

My biggest concern is their ages. Dept of family and children services State of Georgia could get involved and take your kids for being unsupervised. So yeah you need to put a stop to these other kids coming over.
I agree with others
Talk to the others kids parents and change Wi-Fi passwords. Those kids are their because they are doing stuff they shouldn’t and you will be the parent getting in trouble losing your kids to the system because of all the childrens actions.

Wish you the best and sending you some love :heart: joy :star_struck: peace :peace_symbol: and serenity during this tough time.

Is there a YMCA or something similar they can attend during the day so they aren’t home?

Your running an unsupervised clubhouse for teens (with free munchies), what could possibly go wrong? I know you have to work but you better start saving up for the inevitable legal costs that are coming your way from kids making unsupervised decisions based on opportunity

7 Likes

Get someone to watch them

Girl, I feel all of your pain. I’m in the same situation but with one less kid and mine are slightly older. But they do the same thing. Friends over or they’ll go out after school and not tell me anything. It’s so frustrating because they have no idea what we deal with. I’ve run out of punishment options at this point and my oldest is almost 18 anyway. No help in the apartment. Dishes in the sink all the time. Laundry never done. Floors not swept. Cat litter boxes not changed. I cannot work 12 hours a day and come home and have to cook and clean on top of it! I love them but these kids are literally going to make me go mad! I wish I knew a secret to share with you but unfortunately I don’t. Just know you’re not alone. There’s soooo many of us living this life. Stay strong momma :muscle: :heart:

3 Likes

Call their parents.
Charge them for the food.
Explain your hours at work and tell the parents that they are not allowed over without your consent.

Send one of the police over while you’re not home to check on the kids.

9 Likes

Let the parents know visits are not allowed. Install a small camera and let your kids know that you will be calling the police for trespassing. Them kids will clear out real quick

1 Like

It is time for a “come to Jesus” meeting with your sons. As they are not respecting you, you will need to take drastic action.
As others have suggested, do not restock your cupboards or your fridge – if need be, keep the foods in your car in containers, leave only enough food for the kids dinner. If you have any family around you or good friends that can stop by and monitor them.
Putting cameras up is very expensive.
Make sure the boys understand that these measures are the direct result of their unacceptable behavior.

1 Like

They have to have supervision. Daycare they go.

2 Likes

Maybe one of the friends parents would let your kid go to their house a few times a week? Rotate friends houses? Your kiddos are bored and are going to be mischievous because they have nothing else to do. Parents will help other parents. Reach out to the friend’s parents and see if they can help you out. Good luck! It’s tough.

4 Likes

I would have a babysitter for them. I know state laws are different as to what is “legal age” to stay home alone, but maturity is a big factor. The older child doesn’t seem responsible enough to be home alone, let alone be caring for an 11 year old. Look into day camps, daycare for the 11yr old ect. If something bad happens to someone else’s unsupervised child at your home the repercussions are going to be more than you want to deal with.

5 Likes

I would find a job from home to replace At least one of your jobs. I know its hard good luck!

I know daycare is spendy. What about hiring someone just to stop by randomly or talking to his friends parents?

Maybe you could talk to parents of your son’s friends…idk!Good luck!

1 Like

Get a security camera from Amazon so u can see what they r doing . It so sets off motion so if someone comes to door u know.

I would threaten to hire a babysitter for the two of them, if they can’t abide by your wishes!!! They sure are disrespectful to their mother, after you are the sole bread winner!

2 Likes

Put your teen son to work or make him babysit.

1 Like

Put locks on the fridge and your pantry. Anything they do get to eat/drink during that day is rationed and cold items are placed in a cooler and limited. And, yes, contact the parents of the other kids, tell them that they do not have permission to be over when you are not there and enforce it w/ cameras that you can watch during the day at work and contact the police if they do have someone over who you didn’t approve. You need to shut this down now before they start bringing girls over and your house becomes the next teen sex hangout.

1 Like

Tell their parents, don’t leave your kids home alone. Definitely check your local laws because at that age it might be illegal what you’re doing

1 Like

Threatening a baby sitter, old woman.

They’re not mature enough to stay home alone. And imo to young for that long. You need a sitter.

1 Like

The kids are bored, it’s Summer, they want to see their friends, not sit home alone all day. Look into Boys and Girls Club or the YMCA. Get to know the other parents and see if you can rotate houses. Get them involved in sports, camps, summer activities. If there is a local pool see a lot getting them a pass and allow them to hang out there with their friends.

2 Likes

Camera and talk to their parents

4 Likes

So you Just leave them home alone literally all day and they can’t hang out with friends? How sad

5 Likes

Time to take the router/WiFi box & gaming councils with you to work. Set stricter parental limits on their cell phones. Wanna watch how fast they behave and listen

2 Likes

Have you had a word with the parents of the other kids about their behaviour?

2 Likes

Stop leaving home by self if they break the rules

1 Like

Change the wifi password when you’re not home. Don’t restock the ‘tasty treats’. This happened to my mom. 2 teenagers, no child support whatever from my dad. She worked lots so never home. My brothers friends would always come over, eating all food & leaving a mess for my mom to clean up. Of course the kids parents would never give my mom money for feeding them every day.

2 Likes

Only leave a little bit of food in the fridge and very few snacks out. Move rest to a fridge or freezer somewhere else in home and padlock it. Kids arent going to be home alone all summer. Either that, get a stern sitter ,or send them to summer camp or summer program. We did the same thing as kids,but back then we were scared of getting the belt if went in and out of the house letting the cool air out ,so we would go riding bikes all day with friends and go to their house to pee and cool off. Lol. Be glad they have friends that live nearby that want to come over. I cant even set up play dates or sleepovers with my kid’s friend’s parents. They wont bring them over ,let me drop mine off,or even just meet up at the park to let them play. Like would rather not let their kids socialize with other kids besides their cousins. It is ridiculous.

They need to have someone there with them clearly… basically raising themselves…

5 Likes

Curious who watches the four year old outside of daycare hours.

1 Like

The two eldest are certainly old enough to stay alone but maybe not mature enough if this is how they behave.
Id contact the friends parents to let them know the circumstances and what’s happening. They may be unaware you are not home. Tell them you can’t be responsible if something happens to their children now that they know and if you’re not home then they cant come over.
Tell your children what you’re doing and if the behaviour continues you’ll have to look for childcare for them which means something they enjoy will have to stop to pay for it…clubs, Internet etc.
Look into free /reasonably priced activities for them …church /schools usually have some kind of summer activities clubs…since they cant be trusted to be alone. …and put locks on fridges , lock up snacks etc.

Have a conversation with the other kids parents.

1 Like

Look into activities that are low cost— community sports, boys club, ymca. Also tell the boys you are the adult & your rules!! Tell them to offer to do jobs in neighborhood—mow lawns, clean yards. Take them shopping with you & show them the cost of food. Make sure the boys get rewarded for good behavior. Check if there are agencies like Big Brothers to mentor them in a positive way.

I’d be contacting the friends parents making them aware and then tell your kids since they can’t abide by your rules you’ll have to hire a babysitter.

9 Likes

Well this is the downfall of children raising themselves. It doesn’t work. And yes, they are raising themselves when you are gone from 10am to 11pm. Think about how long that time frame is!! They are probably bored out of their minds, lonely and have no way to get anywhere. I feel for them. You really need to make some changes somehow.

5 Likes

They have nothing else to do. You are in a catch 22. Speak w someone in the community to seek resources.

1 Like

Set up cameras. Talk to the other kids parents and let them know that their kids are not allowed over between these certain hours and days that you work.

Put this ass in day acre

So you expect teenagers to sit at home from 10am til 11pm all day akone ? With nothing to do and no where to go ? They need hobbies and an outlet . Some type of summer camp or something.

6 Likes

Tell him that you’re not giving him anymore warnings and that if it happens again he will be put in daycare- obviously daycare is expensive and won’t usually take a kid of this age but you could always hire a babysitter short term to show him you’re not messing around.
I would also suggest getting Amazon blink security cameras. You get a month free premium subscription. After that you can just put a USB drive in the home camera base and you still get notifications of movement when it’s armed and it records it. And you can view those videos on the USB drive from your phone and view the live footage. You can also speak through the cameras. Then you could check in on what’s going on. We have one in our living room, kitchen and our front door/driveway.
You can also talk to the parents of these other kids, explain you work during such and such time and explain the situation. That your son is inviting kids over when you’re not there and it’s not ok with you. Hopefully those parents will keep their kids away from your house during those times.
Also if you feel like there are kids at your house when there shouldn’t be, you could ask neighbors to let you know and keep an eye out or I bet if you spoke to the local police if it’s a small neighborhood they might be willing to do drive-by checks/property checks or even welfare checks.
I do feel like it’s not ideal to have kids home alone that long. Especially that late at night. And if you work a lot that means they can’t hang out with their friends after school or anytime you’re working. It would also make any sports, after school programs, clubs etc for them nearly impossible. Do you have anyone that could be there for them?

At that age they need to socialize and bond with people.

It’s rough that you have to make these hours but they didn’t ask for it.

Maybe let them have a play date once a week at a friends house, let one chosen friend (each) stay over once a week and adres rules with all of them, stating what they can do instead of can’t, make them feel responsible and trustworthy.

Hope you work it out together

2 Likes

Sounds like the 13 year old needs a sitter

3 Likes

They would lose it. No lingerie can they stay home alone. They are not mature enough to follow rules.

As a single mom of three, I’m sure your expenses are tight as is, but could you maybe afford a babysitter for a couple days and say because they have chose to show they’re not responsible enough to be alone and respect your rules, babysitter it is! Might just wake them up really fast! And maybe try and save for a camera you can talk through and a doorbell one too. And I’d definitely be having a talk with the other kids parents.

Do you have anyone at all who can do pop ins and check up on things throughout the day? If so, do that! Also, get you a pantry type deal to lock all the snacks up in and only leave enough out for the day, if that’s possible for you. Good luck! I know it’s hard.

1 Like

I would talk to the parents of the other kids but I would also hire a babysitter.

3 Likes

Get your kids involved in camp or some summer program

4 Likes

Hire a babysitter for 1 day, tell them it’s a forever thing. They will hate it and you can then give them the ultimatum of following your rules or having a babysitter everyday

1 Like

That’s way too long of a day to leave kids home and expect them to not even have friends around.
They are kids .

3 Likes

So being at home from 10am-11pm with no fiends would be very hard at that age. Especially during the summer. Maybe if you allowed friends to come over but talked about your expectations (they need to clean up after then selves, maybe have a couple snacks) it’ll go better? I don’t know though. Just an idea. Good luck to you!

1 Like

Get a good surveillance camera that you can talk through the device. He needs company and you need to select his company or tell him if he doesn’t comply you will get him a babysitter. He will!!

5 Likes

Have the police stop by and check on them a couple of times and see what happens.

6 Likes

Hire a baby sitter or ask a neighbor to baby sit

1 Like

umm talk to the other kids moms?
hello??? if its such a small town then you know them so it shouldn’t be a big deal to reach out to them and tell them the kids can’t come over anymore bc you are not hime

10 Likes

Get them a job at police station

tell them if they continue this practice you will need to hire a adult to supervise them!

3 Likes

My boys are 10 and 11 and always have friends over when I’m not home. My rule is no one allowed in the house. My boys also ride their bikes around town and to their friends houses.

1 Like

Reach out to the other parents agreed. But also discipline your boys. And grounded and taking away their stuff is not going to work.

6 Likes

Don’t buy food and when they’re hungry tell them to go get it from their friends. Food or friends you don’t get both.

4 Likes

I would be calling their friends parents and letting them know what’s happening. They probably have no clue what their kids are doing during the day when they are working too. Or better yet, just go knock on their door and have a face to face conversation and make your kids go along for the ride. They gonna learn today.

13 Likes

I’d rather my kids have friends over than be out on the streets at least they’re safer indoors . Obviously there has to be some boundaries but I would :100: let my kids have that, best thing of my childhood was going over friends houses and not being able to have them over mine would of been embarrassing, and would definitely make the friends drift. As long as his not taking the piss and they’re eating all your food or having parties it’s just about hanging out with friends .you need to make sure his aware of the food boundaries come to compromise or so many days a week .

Go talk to all their parents.

5 Likes

Maybe instead of having the youngest in daycare you might hire a babysitter to come to your house to take care of him and make sure they are old enough to make the others obey the rules?

15 Likes

Sounds like they still need a babysitter.

10 Likes

Contact the parents of the other children and explain to them that your children are inviting their’s over without permission. Let them know the circumstances as to why, and ask that they assist you by not allowing them to go over. I also wouldn’t restock grocery items. Buy what you need for the week. If they never experience the consequences of their actions, which is going without snacks and such, your words will never phase them.

You could also pull your youngest from childcare and hire a sitter.

2 Likes

Have you tried talking to the friend’s parent(s)? Let them know you’re not home on such and such days/time therefore their child isn’t allowed. Get a ring doorbell as well. You can see when they are at the door and even speak through the ring doorbell. I know it might be hard but leave work early randomly.

1 Like

I would literally raise hell and my boys wouldn’t dare do it again. That’s all. Put that mama bear fear in them.
However you do, you need to start yesterday because respect from your boys is paramount if you want to raise men who respect people and the women in their lives.

2 Likes

Tell the older boy you will put them in daycare with their little brother

1 Like

Continue to take everything away don’t let ur kids have any privacy and if u have anyone who can pop in randomly every once in awhile that’s a good idea

1 Like

Babysitter, they are not mature enough to be home alone.

4 Likes

Maybe their friends’ parents would allow them to go over there to be watched instead? I would talk to the other parents and explain the situation. Regardless, they have shown they are not old enough and mature enough to be home alone! THAT you ARE responsible for.

2 Likes