My soon to be four-year-old son goes to preschool for children with iep and special needs. (He hasn’t been diagnosed yet.) We have had a few instances, but nothing this bad. Today he was kicking, biting, hitting, cursing the bus aid. Saying things like you mother***** and so on… I am so upset about this. His teacher called me to let me know this is his warning if it continues, he will no longer be able to ride the bus. Please don’t tell me he needs his but whooped he is a special needs child. He doesn’t benefit from that in any way.
Take him to counseling. Go to the doctor.
Once he is diagnosed you can request a one to one aide to sit with him on the bus.
Drive your kid. He’s not ready for the bus, clearly.
Even with special needs he has to learn consequences. If whoopin’ his butt doesn’t work you’re gonna have to find something that does. Words are words but physically assaulting people deserve Swift and immediate consequences. If you’re passive now you won’t believe the Hell and high water you’re gonna be in for in a few more years. This is not something I would tolerate in any way shape or form.
Talk with him, the school and find out what set him off. Learn to have him chronologically tell what happend prior to the event. That usually helps find the trigger. It will take some time and patience to get the entire story out of him. Start there
Look into ABA therapy! Also you can request a behavioral therapist go into his class and evaluate him as well!
What type of special needs? Different special needs require different responses.
The best advice in a situation like this would be to talk with his physician. Why does he not have any diagnosis but is in a school for children with disabilities? I would make that the priority, you’ll need that to work on developing an IEP or even to know how best to help him with his behaviors.
In terms of the school, these types of behaviors on the bus are usually a pretty big concern because of the safety involved. I would develop a plan on what you will do if he can no longer ride the bus.
The bus may be overwhelming for him and that’s the only way he knows how to communicate.
Pull him off the bus, for his safety and the safety of the other children.
Why has he not been diagnosed?! Take him to see someone. At this point he should have already been there. I get that he is special needs but you’ve got to find another way for him to channel his angry energy.
Kids repeat what they see and hear. Gonna leave it at that.
I would drive him and pick him up…
He cant just be hitting, kicking, bitting people
You have to think of the saftey of every one else on the bus and if he is putting them at risk then yes they could kick him off
Where is he getting the cussing from. The outbursts may be related.to activity on 5he bus. Over sensory or even others bullying by the time he reacts he loses it. You can have your doctor write a letter with the requirement of a personal care aid who would care for him possibly on the bus and in class paid for by your insurance.
You can’t be mad at the school for denying him access to the bus. He is obviously a physical danger to others. You’ll have to drive him yourself and get a diagnosis and try to see if meds or counseling, etc will help, but he cannot stay in any situation where he will be a danger to himself or others.
He needs a 1:1 on the bus. Call an emergency IEP meeting and request it. My son was in the same predicament.
Sounds like you need to meet with his Dr. and change his meds.
My friend rides with kids who have special needs. I hear stories like that from her time to time. See if he can be on a special bus and they have adults on the bus with them.
Positive reenforcement. Have a reward chart. He gets a sticker every time he doesn’t have an issue and gets a reward after so many stickers. Start small like after two or three stickers. Fill a bag with dollar tree items and he gets to pick. He will start learning to work towards it.
I’m not trying to be that rude person and trust me when i say my niece and nephew are on the autism spectrum, the oldest she’s 6 will cuss sometimes when she’s mad and she sees that from my sister. I’m just being blunt here, kids will monkey see monkey do.
You need to drive him he is not stable enough for the bus and is a danger to those around him. Special needs or not he needs strict discipline.
Can you find him a buddy that he can wait and ride along with?
He also needs to find some calming techniques before he gets on the bus and maybe have him go on before everyone else does… there’s ways to get him to stay, it’ll just take some time and a whole lotta patience from all parties.
Get him evaluated right away… Poor kid probably got sensory overload a bus might be bad for him any way. IDK good luck.
How are you sure without him being diagnosed?
The bus might be too overwhelming for him. My son had autism and noisy confined spaces are hard for him. If its possible, take him to school and back at least until his behaviour stops
Just because he’s special needs doesn’t mean he can act so disrespectful! If he was diagnosed and had an IEP and had impulse control issues then maybe. My son was in special day classes from 3rd grade on. Absolutely no way was disrespect allowed. Believe me he tried and tried!
You need to figure out where he is hearing words like mother###### and put a stop to him being around it. It may be from movies or music, but childfen don’t think those words up on tbeir own.
Hopefully you’re able to get him evaluated right away. My niece was kicked out of school because of her behavior. My sister in law now home schools all her kiddos now. He may need a different type of transportation.
Does his IEP include Transportation?
You should provide transportation than…No aid deserves to be beat on by a student…Children are a direct reflection of their environment…
I have 6 small kids and a special needs child. He’s Never done nothing that extreme but has been wrote up. I made sure it never happened again. We can’t let our special needs kids get away with things that other kids wouldn’t, that’s not beneficial at all. Hold him responsible. When i did with mine, he calmed down…
Maybe you should take him. As Sarah Hanson said special needs or not, he can’t be hitting, cursing and biting people.
He learned to speak that way from somebody…
Put it bluntly kids repeat what they hear so his got those words from u or whom ever and hitting and biting i dont care if his special needs he cannot be doing that!!!
My daughter was special needs blind, couldn’t walk or talk took her out of school because of a child like this. He bite and hit her.
If any other kid did this on the bus they’d be kicked from it as well. Just drive him and get him checked by a doctor…and physically diagnosed
Do you know what happens before he gets upset? If you can find a pattern then that may help come up with a solution. Maybe noise or uncertainty… Is their a better seat he can sit in or maybe headphones to tune things out?? Is He maybe trying to express himself but doesn’t know how to do it in a positive way?
You can’t self diagnose your child as special needs. Sounds to me like he’s a coddled brat and needs his little butt beat… and you need to watch your mouth around that kid. He doesn’t pull the word motherfucker out of thin air. Teach him now or regret it later as it will only get worse.
He learns things like this from the environment he is in!
Special needs is not an excuse to enable. Not acting right? Do what you need to to correct it. As one special needs mom to another I get it. It sucks sometimes but in the long run doing what YOU need to do to correct your child is much better for them and you. The bus may not be the right environment for them. You tried it. It didn’t work so now it’s time to find other accommodations for him that do work.
Quick question…where did he learn the curse words?
How I’d he able to attend a special needs school without a diagnosis?
If he hasnt been diagnosed then how can you jump to the conclusion he is special needs? With more details how can we give feedback. Like why he is placed on an IEP. The behavior being described definitely sounds like just a misbehaved kid.
Not meaning to sound judgy but more info is needed.
Disrespect SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED, special needs or not. You state he hasn’t been diagnoised., so how are you sure it is not something a good old fashion butt spanking wouldnt cure?
I’m sorry but he shouldn’t ride the bus because it put others in danger. As for the behavior I would need more information about what kind of issues you are dealing with. Is it sensory or more of an odd. If its more of an odd I can tell you what I did first thing pick and choose your battles. It the rules simple be kind, be safe and be respectful. If it doesnt violated these more the most part let it go. Push natural consequences. Be 100 percent consistent this is the big one. You wake a rule stand by the punishment even if by the end it doesnt seem worth it for the infraction. I have to do 4 hour time out before that’s how long it took my daughter to do her 5 minutes in a row. It will not be easy but do not throw in the towel it took 4 years to get my daughter to really turn a corner last and not least praise the hell out of positive behavior
Some special needs children get overwhelmed by buses. Can you drive him to school? It might be too much stimuli in one place and he’s just not processing it well. That’s a lot to ask of a typical four year old as is.
I work with a before and after school program, we have afew kids who use a taxi to get to and from school as they have behaviors. It could be worth looking into, if your child is overwhelmed on the bus it could make for a bad day all together
I feel like, if he hasn’t been diagnosed, either you aren’t taking him to a dr to be evaluated and treated or you did and they said he wasn’t actually special needs. Either way, that behavior and language is learned. Special needs doesn’t mean you get to be disrespectful.
I have a special needs child but I discipline him the same as my other kids.
Step 1: Get him diagnosed.
Step 2: get him professional help to figure out the outbursts and how to help
Step 3: explain to him that hitting and biting people hurts. They understand special needs or not…
Goodness gracious so many self righteous people here. Ones who are actually trying to offer solutions, I commend you.
So he hadn’t been diagnosed yet so your just saying he is special needs? My son has bad ADHD but has never been able to use that as an excuse for his behavior. He is still held accountable for his actions. Maybe you need to drive him bc no student or teacher deserves to have that happen.
Having special needs is not something that should be used as an excuse to get away with certain behaviors. If children hear adults blame their needs for their actions, they will internalize that, and it will affect them taking responsibility for their actions. A diagnosis would be a great place to start. Also, if he is a threat to others, it is the school/bus’s responsibility to mitigate or remove the threat, regardless of why the threat is present. They are responsible for the safety and well-being of all students in their care. I do not advocate physical punishment at all, but there absolutely need to be consequences for poor actions, and SO MUCH positive reinforcement for the good ones.
His special need is he needs his butt whipped
My son had the same issues on the bus, but it was only when he rode the big bus because all of the sensory issues (noise, crowds, etc). He was switched to the little bus after he was diagnosed and it was much better. Good luck
So many bashing dam I have twin boys with special needs and I went thru this a couple yrs ago and I just tried to do small rewards with him if he did good on the bus now we don’t have a problem on the bus
Oh honey been there. Huge hugs.
Maybe you could go with him for one day to school and on the bus and just observe the situation. And see if maybe there are triggers that is causing this. Best of luck to you.
My daughter had a IEP when she was in school it took me and her second grade teacher to push the testing. I tried when she went in kindergarten and first grade with no help from the school at all. Thank God for her second grade teacher for pushing to have her tested which took quite a while to even get her IEP. Not all children or special need if they have an IEP. My daughter has no anger issues at all. She was just a very slow learner and she had trouble retaining things. Your child has learned those words from someone he is in the home with or someone he is around he does not just pick those words up without hearing them from a family member. My daughter never talk like that because we never use that kind of language at all or even had her around anyone that use that type of language. You need to watch who he’s around especially children that parents do not supervise what their children watch plus video games.You have to be very stern with children with a learning disability to keep encouraging them and rewarding them for doing well doesn’t have to be money candy anything like that just extra maybe play time at a park or extra playtime outside riding their bikes doesn’t have to be anything special. Look into the situation ask the bus driver to have him ride on the front seat at all times and tell him when he can behave then he will be allowed to ride a seat of his Choice if he’s good all week.￼￼￼￼
i didnt like the way the bus aids took care of my special needs children and have driven them since 2 months into my sons school career. and that was 10 years ago… but honestly what worked for my sons “fits” were 1 keeping him away from those who antagonized them and made it worse, taught him calming aids such as 10 slow deep breaths slowly saying a poem he liked focusing his attention on a fidgetspiner and would have who ever was working with him to do the steps with him… do you have a behavioral chart for him? maybe make one up just for the bus… he can earn 2 points a day… he gets 1 he can get a tootsie roll he gets 2 he gets tootsie roll and 15 minutes added to bedtime… he gets 0 he loses 15 minutes on bedtime. he gets so many for the week he gets a movie to watch. give him a reasonable goal hes not going to get 100% off the bat… but start at maybe 60% he does it for 2 weeks bounce it up to 70 and so on… find out why hes freaking out… have a talk about other language he can use when angry…
Back in the late 70’s I was abus aide and was subject to this kind of behavior daily by at least 5 out of the 15 Adults that rode the bus. I was told that was part of the job. After about 3 year I was hurt badly by one in an outburst when the driver didn’t feel it necessary to pull over and help me. I was not able to work for 5 years due to a neck/ spinal injury. I feel like some special needs children/adult need 1 on 1 transportation.
Could very well be overwhelmed and maybe something is going on that no one knows about. Personally I think that’s too young to be in that situation. He needs to be at home being a kid. Don’t care if I get beat up for it.
My cousin’s son had this same problem, what it boiled down to was he felt threatened by the bus aides and driver. He has down syndrome and said they give him weird looks which made him act out, at 7 years old he was completely kicked off the bus after being switched buses. (There were two buses close to his house and one was a special needs bus specifically)
If you can talk to him maybe something like this is going on.
I agree with others. Special needs is not an excuse. Where is he learning this language? My kids don’t know this language at 6. He has to be hearing it somewhere. I’d definitely get him seen at both a dr and psychologist. I’d ask the school as well for further testing. Until then, I’d drive him to and from school
Why on earth is be undiagnosed?? You cant self proclaim him as special needs and let him move through life without the tools he needs without first seeking out real help. DO SOMETHING. he shouldn’t be on a bus allowed to harm others and force other kids to hear his language. This is ABSURD.
Like my family and friends with kids who have been diagnosed
Do not use it as an excuse. You should be using it as an excuse to be more stern and on it. So for a normal toddler u give warnings and a diagnosed toddler u put in time out every singe time. Do not skip on bad behavior or they wont learn
You need to go to a doctor and get him in. Doctors can prescribe meds
He dident just randomly start swearing … that kinda language and behavior is seen and heard and then projected by the child
Ur child is hearing and seeing wat he did period get him checked out no one but you has to deal with Behavior and if you don’t check it now cuz it Behavior will get way worse
Special needs kids need to structured discipline plan in place. Not hitting either. But something taken away or time out. In the schools they will expect this. He will be rewarded for doing things right and completing his work. But bad behavior us not acceptable. You can’t but others in danger because he us throwing a fit. Language like that is not acceptable. You need to get him evaluated and get him on the right track to help him succeed in school and life. It will also help his teachers know how to help him. Yes there will be slip ups with his behaviors.
I agree with the fact he may not be ready for a bus . For many reasons. As a parent it’s our responsibility to care for our child you may need to drive him daily until he is old enough to understand . I know some will say they can’t because of jobs but you know what our kids come first o had to give of a job to drive my kids to a better school then what’s provided here . We have to decide needs and wants monthly to sell what’s best for our kids
Are you close enough to walk to his school? Or arrange a way there that requires a “not to fun thing”?
Cuz here’s the thing. My son is in the middle of assessments himself.
He was being a pain on the bus. Bus driver wasnt able to control him. She has no aid. It was getting unsafe for him and others. So mommy pulled his tush off the bus for 1 week and we walked to school and back. Every day. While he was told that since he couldn’t maintain himself and obey bus rules while on the bus, he doesn’t get that privilege.
That the choice was his. That after this week we’d try again. But next time, he’d be pulled permanently. Cuz he was risking harm to others, we couldn’t allow that either.
But choice was his. I made that walk not fun at all. He got a discussion on behaviors all the way there and back.
He’s been an angel since lol at school and such is still an issue lol(we’re working on it) but when he gets on that bus…he sits and shuts up. He ain’t about that walking life. He says he can behave for that 10min on the bus now🤷
Hope you find your solution tho momma
Is he in a carseat so he can be restrained and not touch the aid when hes having a fit?
The child needs to be seen and diagnosed by a doctor. If his regular doctor won’t do it then go to another doctor. And keep pushing to get him checked. But if he is special needs that is no excuse for him to be acting like that. Kids just dont start acting like that out of the blue, it is seen and heard from somewhere. Even if he does have special needs, same thing…it wouldnt just start out of the blue. My son is special needs (diagnosed by his dr) and if he acts out he knows he will get his butt popped.
Maybe get an official diagnosis so everyone will know how to properly deal with him
Everyone is focused on the special needs aspect of her question, he is a child first. Talk to your child, find out why he is behaving in this manner and if he thinks his behavior was appropriate for the situation. There is something going on and he is a kid using whatever means necessary express his own frustration or aggravation. He needs to know why his behavior is inappropriate. (Dangerous, mean, etc.) Help him conclude alternate means of communication and set consequences for bad behavior (other than being removed from the bus because that might be what he wants) His special needs are important, they just aren’t the only important aspects of this post. Good luck Mama
It’s amazing how many people on here do not understand special needs.
I have a special needs brother. A special needs step son, a stepdaughter with many many many issues.
First step, get him diagnosed (some Drs will not diagnose at such a young age).
You have an iep right? The teacher should be more understanding, have a meeting with them to better understand his situation. Maybe expand iep to cover behavior issues and what they can do to help.
Maybe have your son play with playdoh, slime, something he can have on the bus to help calm his nerves and aggression. It could have been a tone, a touch, something that set him off.
I would talk to your son about this. Explain that if when he feels like hurting people, he can take a deep breath (show him this exercise and practice this exercise with him everyday so you know he understands this. He can sit down and look out the window and think about what he sees (practice this daily at home, in the car, etc).
Offer praises when he gets on the bus…like (you got on the bus calmly today, here is a zollipop, stuffed toy, etc).
He just needs to learn what to do in uncomfortable, new, situations.
His situation will not improve unless the behavior he is exhibiting is dealt with immediately. Otherwise this could confuse him and associate his punishment with another behavior (unless he can reiterate the whole situation to you, then you know he completely understands and you can address the situation after his behavior was exhibited). He has to be able to associate his behavior with the punishment.
Take him to school yourself. Does the bus have a camera you can see? To see what happened? So you can assist him on internalizing what he did and that it was wrong?
Good luck to you!
I wonder what you mean by special needs? Alot of parents label their kids this, and I’m not being rude when I say this but, alot of kids are just assholes and people try to find a reason for said behaviour even when there is no reason at all. My son is ADHD, odd, has anxiety, and tbh, can be an asshole sometimes. Yes I take things away and yes he gets reprimanded for his bad behaviour. But his diagnosis does not give him a reason to be an ass so I deal w it.
By son was diagnosed with Autism at 5, and one of the signs was acting out, he would bite hit climb on things I could go on.
One of the things I came to realize is they don’t like change it is very upsetting, they like there routine to be the same our it is very upsetting this might be what is happening pay attention to changes to see how he reacts.
Its not called to be spanked I learned to have alot of patience it can be very overwhelming at times but if you can watch he’s routine closely and see how he reacts to changes it will help.
Where did he learn all those colorful words. I use to work around special needs persons and you could tell which ones were being taught right and those that were not. Take him and get help if you really care.
So I teach special education to elementary-age kids with behavioral needs and the bus is a trigger for SO many students. Now I’m not sure what you mean by he goes to a school for kids with IEPs and special needs and hasn’t been diagnosed yet but I can offer suggestions. My first step would be to determine the antecedent to the behavior- what comes before the behavior? Why is he doing it? Sometimes kids act out just for attention, sometimes they are asking for help and don’t know how to communicate it. If he has any kind of sensory sensitivity, he is trying to find an outlet for how overwhelmed he is. I would suggest special bus-only fidgets or activities. Something HIGHLY preferred. I know a lot of buses have rules surrounding toys or certain objects out while they are driving but even a special bracelet or keychain on his backpack that he can fiddle with might help. Also, noise-canceling headphones! (If he will wear them) If it’s attention-seeking behavior, that’s a little trickier. If he has an IEP, you can request an aide for him on the bus and they would be able to sit with him and provide POSITIVE attention so he isn’t seeking out negative attention. Kids, especially those with special needs, often have a hard time differentiating between negative and positive attention- it’s all attention. Since he is four, it might be hard to create an effective reward system for him from home (younger kids’ attention spans are so short), but if he does have an aide with him, he could have a token system on a timer and a reward if he has appropriate behavior throughout the bus ride (so a token for every 5 minutes on the bus, a reward for 5 tokens… that kind of thing). Or if there is one aide for the whole bus, he could earn a reward for times that he is “caught” being good. My school uses tickets. That method works best if the kiddos are rewarded very frequently when it is first implemented so they feel successful. Just some suggestions!
Special needs or not, he needs discipline. My son was on an iep and in a special class in pre-k, he’s now turning 13 and no need for the iep. I didn’t treat him differently than my other kids because he was “on an iep” (he also didn’t have a diagnose then). The school phoned you because besides bus removal their ability to discipline is limited. YOU need to find a way to handle it! QUIT MAKING EXCUSES!!!
He is repeating what he hears
I cant fathom my 4 yo on a bus at all under any circumstances
Have you consulted a specialist that deals with your son’s type of special need? The issue with things like this is that it can be hard to determine if he is acting out due his disorder or is it just his being a child.
Where does he learn to talk like that. ?
I’m a SPED bus driver. It is VERY hard to actually kick a SPED kiddo off the bus. I’m not sure how they can do that without trying other accommodations first. My aid and I get assaulted and cussed often. Nothing can really be done bc they are SPED. It takes ALOT to terminate transportation for these special guys!
Get a special needs advocate and they will help you speak for your child! There is no reason why he should be kicked off the bus at 4 year old! They tried doing that bs with my kiddo and he never got kicked off the bus. For one he wouldn’t understand or comprehend what he did wrong and for two it would be a privilege for him to not ride the bus! Dont let this happen. Make it known for his IEP there are other things they can do to help make the bus ride a better transition. It may be as simple as another aid on the bus just for him. They can do it there is no reason they cant. Have him do activities on the bus to keep busy. Something will help your kiddos bus transition!! Good luck. Went though something similar myself.
I would also be asking how he is treated by the Aide…Im not saying all are bad by any means, but we have a very public case in my state where an Aide was caught on tape abusing a special needs child who was fidgety in their bus seat…& she had been an Aide for a very long time…The way she hit that child certainly did not look like it was the first time. & the driver asked the AIDE if she was ok & totally ignored the hit child…
So, get the other side of the story~ Your childs side. Unfortunately we live in a world where you must question everyone in your childs life!
How can you claim he has an issue but never had him evaluated?
Secondly, a 4 yr old repeats what they hear often.
You can ride the bus with him see if its something he is doing because he is scared or anxious. Id do a very structured schedule and routine never stray from it. As for cursing id clean up language around him or who ever is speaking like that needs to stop.
I understand the biting part but the mother f’er part shows your failure as a mom PERIOD. With that alone someone should do a home visit. Poor kid I could just imagine what kind of trauma he’s been thru to gain such vocabulary.
Does he do this at home? What sets him off? Special needs does not mean he has to behave but what makes him go into catastrophic behavior
request the video feed from the bus for these occurrences. I’ve previously witnessed provoking behavior toward special needs kids on school buses. Get the video
A harness. My child had to be strapped in with a harness that kept him in his seat.
Maybe you take him to school
He needs a diagnosis with iep and 504 If you don’t have those things they can do what they want and he will have to obey the rules for neuro typical child on the bus.
I’m confused… he is special needs but has never been diagnosed??? If he is a danger to others on the bus and that includes adults and you are looking for me to say ohhh it’s ok…!sorry not sorry but I can’t. He should be kicked off the bus when he puts others in danger. And you should consider driving him to school because he is a danger. Now if he is really special needs than what is his diagnosis? Does he have a one on one aid? What does his IEP state in terms of the bus?
Not diagnosed? Knows that language. Well done as a poor parent
Karon Sutton you sound like a real POS
I would not listen to disgusting people judging you, or him. He’s 4. Maybe he shouldn’t be in school yet. Maybe he should be in therapy. Keep him close. You are his advocate.
Some good old soap in the mouth!!!