My special needs child might be kicked off the bus: Advice?

I’m surprised that the school doesn’t have transportation for special needs children. If possible request special transportation. And if the school cannot accommodate with that then perhaps have a bus monitor ride with your son that is capable of handling a special need child.

1 Like

IEP doesn’t require a diagnosis to help out. And as the child is only 4 I’m sure it would be better to wait until he’s a little older to be tested. If the school cannot accommodate him on the bus perhaps look into in home therapy with therapists that come and help with what is needed.

Get him professionally diagnosed and an IEP as soon as you can - this will be a huge help because then the school district will have requirements. In districts around here, if there are issues that cause a child problems in a bus the school district still has to provide transportation- this may mean a minivan with one other child or a single car ride because a bus with many kids is simply too overwhelming. This happens quite often with autism and sensory issues and a calmer atmosphere is a huge help. But without formal help they will just label a kid difficult and toss them and there is no legal requirements for them to provide services. Check with your pediatrician if you haven’t already because they can refer you & insurance can cover

2 Likes

Special needs or not, if he is a danger to others on the bus then he should not be on the bus!
Could it be too stressful for him on the bus and that’s what is affecting him?
You as his mother needs to be the one to take him to school if the bus experience is too much for him.

2 Likes

Special needs or not where did he learn this kind of behavior and language? Those are learned behaviors and language not necessarily because he’s “special needs”

9 Likes

Who’s been using this words around him? That needs to be cut out!

He’s also not able to handle the bus yet.

2 Likes

Remember that he can only cuss because he’s heard it. Mirror the behaviors you want him to copy.

3 Likes

Most of you are disgusting. You must talk to the school to find alternatives. I know a diagnosis can sometimes take a while, but in the meantime get him in to see a counselor, if not already. The counselor can assist you with an IEP, as well as modification, if needed. He will be suspended from the bus, if he’s hurting others, however you may want to look into special needs transportation, if your school offers it. It is possible for him to be put into a car seat, buckled in, etc., if needed. In severe cases, children that cannot ride the bus will be required to be transported by their parents (or friend/family). The good news is that if he is removed from the bus it will only be for a specified period of time and he will be able to try again. At 4, he may be overwhelmed with change, like a new aide or sub driver, etc. Work with him and keep your head up. But most importantly… ask the school for HELP!! There are all kinds of special services for special needs children, but parents need to sometimes be the ‘squeaky wheel’. Good luck! It will get better. :slight_smile:

1 Like

Have you ever thought your child is just behaving badly? Why is he undoagnosed if youre so sure he’s special needs? To be honest it sounds like you arent doing your part in the discipline department.

6 Likes

Find yourself a child psychiatrist, then a good child advocate. You need a definite diagnosis, and a great advocate, get a better IEP in place as well. You might also want to get him into see a child psychologist, and start play therapy. I was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression as a child. All these step are what led to me be a functional and successful adult. You need to be in his corner and fight for him because no one else is going to! You need to provide him with support and resources he needs to blossom

My daughter had an IEP. In Jr high they tried toi kick her off bus for fighting. Legally, they could not. She ended up having a bus to herself. They picked her up 30 later than her siblings and she got home 30 before them.

1 Like

How did he learn to curse? Maybe you should speak properly and have limits and rewards set! And 2nd…if he isnt diagnosed yet, why do u call him special needs?

2 Likes

My son isn’t special needs but is the same age and I wouldn’t ever feel comfortable sending him on a bus simply based on age. To me 3 is not yet old enough to be ready for a school bus :woman_shrugging:t2:

1 Like

My son has had issues since age 2 and a half doing the same thing. He’s now 5 and has been diagnosed with ADHD, Hyperactive impulse type (there’s three types), insomnia and expressive language disorder. I’ve never trusted him being on a bus so I never tried it. When he’s older and learns more control, maybe. Always stand your ground with doctors and everyone else! YOU ARE HIS BIGGEST ADVOCATE.

First off, I want to know how many people that are being so negative are perfect parents with perfect children?! This is suppose to be a group for support and I’ve read so many negative comments.
Secondly, get your child tested and diagnosed asap. If it is found that he is special needs by doctors orders than it is required by law the school district accommodates your child’s needs.

3 Likes

My kid is the same way. It is tough. Mine was just recently diagnosed with dmdd accompanied by adhd. Yours is too young yet to know. Ours was kicked off the bus for that type of behavior and we had to drive him yourself. My days are spent going to and from the school either to pick him up or calm him down. Mine has been hospitalized for his behavior. I suggest putting him in a day program that his therapist or psychiatrist suggests.

Ok once he is diagnosed and has an IEP they legally can’t kick him off the bus. That’s first off. Second, make sure the IEP states that he needs a matron.

I work in a special needs preschool and some of the things I have PERSONALLY witnessed on these buses would get these children arrested if it wasn’t for the IEP.

1 Like

As a mum this bus ride is obviously not something your son can do by himself atm and he is very young…so you are going to have to find another option. Other children also deserve to be safe…

3 Likes

We gave my daughter an old disconnected smart phone with games on it. She’s allowed to use it only on the bus rides and if necessary the teacher can keep it and return it at bus time. Keeps her totally occupied and she doesn’t have a chance to get bored and act out. You can even find some fun educational games. Just make sure you can hide or remove the dialer function and emergency call, because numberless phones can still call 911.

2 Likes

First he needs a diagnosis in order for you to have a true course of action. He’s 3 still. Special needs or not he needs to be taught this behavior is unacceptable. If behaviors are just let go his future will be very tough. Special needs is not an excuse to be bad. An IEP may list accommodations for a bus, but they can be denied a trip on school transportation if they are out of control before getting on.

4 Likes

Yes, he actually may benefit from that.
Being special needs doesn’t make him immune to getting a good ass kicking. Physical punishment works for some kids and doesn’t work for others, special needs or not.

He’s 3 frickin yrs old. At this point, he’s just misbehaving and you’re making excuses instead of disciplining him :woman_shrugging:t4::woman_facepalming:t4::roll_eyes:

3 Likes

Take him to school and pick him up, Don’t be cussing around him,When he does start fighting or cussing,punish him, take His favorite toy away from him or pop him on his butt,When he does something good reward,him,

This honestly sounds like learned behavior. Unacceptable either way. Even children with special needs have to learn there are consequences to their actions.

5 Likes

Stop cursing in front of him, my son has ASD and started repeating bad words from us. We have all stopped our cursing and explain to him those are bad words he can’t say them.

You need to figure something out, speak with his doctor about behavioral therapy,some schools also provide that.

My sons school provides behavioral, speech and OT.

If he gets kicked off the bus,its understandable. He can’t be physically hitting and biting people

My daughter is 7 yrs old. In IEP and has a speech and learning disorder and ADHD. Just bc the kid has a learning disability doesn’t mean you can’t bust their butts!!! You will regret not busting his butt when he gets older! He will run all over you. When my daughter thought is was fun to bite other ppl, until I tore her bottom up! Disabled or not everyone needs to learn respect to everyone not just certain ppl!! Him cussing at almost 4 he is learning it from who he is around the most might not even be at your house it could be at mamaws or aunties/uncles cousins friends so on so far!!

4 Likes

How does he have an iep and in special needs classes with no diagnosis?
He needs a diagnosis so you can have a proper iep and treatment plan

2 Likes

People are rude as fuck…this is why people dont ask for help. Judgmental asses…sorry for all the rude responses. Have you figured out your childs triggors? Learning the triggers can help set the correct an of action.

Sounds like you should find him a ride to school. I would not want him to ride the bus

1 Like

So…a three almost four year old used the word… mother*****r…how on earth does he even know that kind of language…?

4 Likes

Iep can make this a goal. Aba therapist would be the one to address this issue.

1 Like

Why isn’t he diagnosed yet? Don’t ask people from here unless they are professionals. I’m a teacher but I didn’t study for special needs, I don’t have the “right” or the license to tell you what you need to do. You have to go to the pros.

1 Like

This is more than just having some mental issues this is a behavioral issue due to not being corrected I do not blame these people for kicking him off the bus no other children should have to witness and be subjected to this you need to do something about it you need to step up and play mom and set some rules and boundaries even though their special needs does not mean they should get away with everything that is the problem here

Why is your three year old talking like that? Where did he learn it? Why don’t you feel like you can correct it? Special needs children are smarter then people think and if he’s smart enough to be using language like that he’s smart enough to know not to do it. And well enough to be disciplined for acting like that.
It honestly sounds like lazy parenting on your end. And if he’s not diagnosed and your afraid to discipline maybe that’s the issue.

Sometimes you cannot spank a child with a mental issue, my son did not know the difference between his abusive father “disciplining” before I left him and me spanking him. I had to find other ways to express discipline and teach him, discipline is meant to teach so approach it that way. If your son does not behave this way any other time then perhaps the problem is the bus and you need to find another way to get him to school. If he does behave this way in other situations then you need to address it. Even if it means seeking help from a professional. I
did and was able to come up with things that worked for my then 7 year old son. He grew up over came the problems he had and is a successful adult with a wife and baby now. So hang in there, don’t let others tell you how to do something that you are not comfortable with but do find ways to enforce good behavior and teach him that biting and kicking is not acceptable. But the others are right about one thing…you need to get a handle on this now or you will not be able to handle him later. for my son, who was older than yours, the counselor had me place him in a room (his room) where there were no items he could hurt himself with, and stand on the other side holding the handle and talking to him til he calmed down. the first time it took two hours before he stopped throwing things at the door but each time I had to do it he took less and less time to calm down til one day I didn’t have to do that anymore. This probably won’t work for a three year old but there are other ways

1 Like

They have a zip front vest you put on them that can then be clipped to the seat back at their shoulders and waist to keep them in their seat safe.

2 Likes

If anybody disagrees sorry. Just because your son has special needs does not mean he doesnt need to know what rules or listening or what discipline is. He is able to umderstand correct?. Give time outs, taks things away. Also where is he learning the cussing from? Kids learn from people around them. Even at home of he kicks bite pushes cuss he needs to be disciplined and diagnosed.

1 Like

Where is he witnessing these disgusting actions an verbal polution at in the first place? Start at the root children have to have heard those things in order to be saying them.

Do another IEP plan and have a bus aide put in it. Get to know your rights and get your child evaluated, you need to get the diagnosis or it won’t really help.

Ride the bus with him spend time with him he wants your attention…send him a voice message or a profile of your self on text talk phone …this is what I had to do while I was on a case plan trying to get my kid back from the state …people say oh what does she know she got her kids taken…I had Asma and I had a cold and the CPR dolls chest wouldn’t go with air…so my child was taken …not because I was dumb and drunk… I always say experience is everything …I got taught by the state…what we show and how we act around our kids is everything…b careful …you don’t want your child to be cussing at you in a store or calling thier teacher profane names in front of other children .because other children see this and think it’s okay and take what they learned to thier homes …chained teachment it’s called… so good luck …ime here if you need me…

the IEP is no good unless your child is disabled…my son has recently kicked off the bus n he has a IEP n I have to drive him to school n pick him up everyday…

Why does he have an IEP without a diagnosis!

He still needs discipline. As someone who has cared for adults with disabilities one of the biggest issues we have to deal with is that parents think they cannot discipline their child because they are special needs. That is not true. He can still learn boundaries.

16 Likes

I’m sorry for all the judgmental comments here… my son is Bipolar and have had the same situations. You will have to try to show some sort of cause and affect action with your son … this can be done in so many ways … doctors like to talk about positive reinforcement like a day he does well on bus he can earn a toy or something he likes to do… it’s going to take time because kids with special needs have to really work hard to learn a behavior or how to control their emotions. I would also make sure that the bus team is being supportive and kind to him … my son once went to a school that he was verbally abused and after I fought tooth and nail with the school the teacher was fired. The bad words are hard … my son says the most nasty things and we don’t really have any control over it when he is in his “mood” we try out best. Wishing you the best of luck! 

2 Likes

Every IEP child needs consequences and can understand that. There are many children with special needs but they can’t be allowed to physically harm someone. What if this had been another child? I know I wouldn’t be passive as the parent whose child had been hurt. We’ll be praying for your baby.

10 Likes

My 3 children all had IEP’S that being said I have to agree that discipline and boundaries are VERY IMPORTANT.

8 Likes

First, see a doctor and figure out if he has a disability. Second look into behavioral therapy and find a way to discipline him. He is 4 years old and has the ability to understand good and bad consequences with you being consistent with him when he mis behaves and when he behaves well.

1 Like

First, if you really feel he is special needs, get it confirmed with his doctor so you’ll have more resources available to you.
Second, I’m not sure what you do for discipline, but you may need to change something.
We tried probably 20 different ways to discipline our daughter before finally finding a way to get through to her that what she was doing was not ok.

2 Likes

I have a 5 year old son with Autism and he has aggressive behaviors too. I have had to work with the school to balance his legal protections under IDEA and ADA with the simple truth that he can’t be physically hurting others. I drive him to school in the morning because he was being aggressive. For some reason he does ok on the way home so he takes the bus. If you don’t already have an IEP I would push for one immediately. While it’s important to discipline and set a clear expectation that hurting others isn’t ok, he’s still your son and you have every right to want to advocate for him. Having an IEP and diagnosis in place will protect him from discrimination.

1 Like

Transport him yourself. I wouldn’t take a chance on my kid being like this to others or him being the recipient of such behavior.

4 Likes

Even at 4 YOU have to show him that actions have consequences or he will never learn.
And that means do or say something bad you get punished. Or else he will not learn that he cannot act that way.
This starts with you. Just because he has special needs he still needs to learn action and consequences. Regardless.
You are going to have to find an appropriate punishment if you don’t agree to a butt tap!
But it might be the only way that he realizes that if he physically hurts someone that it actually does hurt them.
Second you need to find out where that language is coming from and squash it.
My 3yr old said it one day after hearing her dad muttering in the garage. She never said it again after I flat out told her to hush her mouth we don’t say words like that & if I heard it come from her again she would have no cartoons/tv for 2 days.
Bottom line you still have to punish them otherwise they don’t learn!!

1 Like

Get a cab. Better yet, take him yourself! He’s a menace to the other children!

2 Likes

Although he is not a bus rider I have had issues with my special lil guy who is now 5. I am grandma and have him and his brother since before he was 2. We are no longer at the hitting and biting stage but at now the spitting (the nasty spit) at everyone when he is angry at school. Thru continuous effort and crazy patience they learn better “outs” for when they are mad, sad or angry. You have to keep working on it and know it wont last if you put the effort in. Although I have been and still am so upset when I have to pick him up because of his behavior all the time at school (and daycare before that) I get that just because they are special needs they absolutely cannot hurt another child. I am the type that if your child hurts my child I dont get belligerent and advocate for that child’s removal instead try to understand but after a few times or one time bad enough that’s enough. My way of thinking as well if they know my child is special and has aggressive tendencies they need to learn the signs and head them off even if it consists of having an extra teacher to help watch.

3 Likes

Are you sure its special needs or sleep apnea! If a child is not getting the sleep he needs to learn it can look like special needs and if a human being doesn’t get enough sleep it can actually make them very violent please please please get him diagnosed either way so you have the right diagnosis and Transportation they can’t take away from him

I don’t know where you are at but here with the young ones the school will send special transport either with a cab or alternative bus

Make sure someone isn’t provoking him. Of course he just can’t abuse other people however these kids have a trigger. Confusion, fear, others picking or teasing. Maybe even physical abuse. My autistic son had an abusive bus driver and an abusive principle at one point while in school. They both slammed him around and really had no compassion for special needs kids. And these school employees will stick together even when they know someone is abusive.

1 Like

Speak to his therapist to co.e up with a game plan to correct this behavior.

1 Like

My oldest has Autism he has been bullied by this other child for the past 3 years he finally snapped and hit this kid he was suspended from school for a couple of days. I’m still fighting with his school to do something about this kid as a parent you are your child’s advocate. Have your child assessed and have it stated in the IEP he requires busing and by law they can not take it away if they do you have the rights do what you feel is best. You can ask for another IEP meeting at anytime. Good luck it is very hard being a parent to a typical child adding a special need is even harder.

:thinking: glad my special needs child only does that to me, and is nice to everyone else

My three kids are all on IEPs too but I also discipline them too. So don’t say u can’t discipline a four year old u can.

5 Likes

Someone is saying that and he only repeats what he hears some kids are aggressive which you have to get it in order before he’s out of control he needs to be redirect and needs to know that cursing hitting is unacceptable when my kid was that age she was the same way she’s 9 and the happiest kid I ever seen

Is he getting bullied? Some kids act out because of it… And tbh I would rather drive my kid if they had special needs muself anyway, ofcourse if it was possible…

Does the iep include transportation? Is it a big bus or a small van? Are there other kids on the bus if so what ages. Also get a diagnosis, now. That way you have the legal clout to force them to transport him. Also getting him counseling would be a good idea too.

Get ready to drive him to and from school.

1 Like

There’s still disciplinary actions you need to take. At 4 how does he even know that word?

9 Likes

My 5 year old is autistic, they still need discipline. Big feelings are hard to handle sometimes. I would transport my 5 year old if she were having outbursts on the bus- unless they have a way to transport in a way that she can’t hurt anyone else.

My child is adhd with anxiety she still get discipline… and is on a 504 plan. You can discipline your child… and reality is more parents need to do it.

1 Like

He’s only 4 I’d just tell him not to say bad words and really look into behavioral and or mental health it’s best to catch things early

And obviously tell him that hitting biting ect is mean most kids doesn’t want to be mean

you might need to take him yourself until you can find someone qualified to take care of him and his outburts

1 Like

Trying some counseling
For him
If he already isn’t in it

Butt whoopings aren’t for special needs children. If your son is truly special needs you need a diagnosis to back that up.If it is determined that he is not special needs then a butt whooping is in order.

How did a special needs child learn that language, I was thinking. So, maybe meet with the school in regard to the behavior. Maybe it has been occurring and they are barely bringing to your attention. Discipline never has to involve physical abuse. But, his behavior in regard to putting his hands on others needs to stop.

1 Like

mouth needs washed out with soap… being four using that type of language… he sees it and thinks it okay…

3 Likes

I’m a mother of 3 and my eldest is a child with special needs. He’s classified as having multiple disabilities. I have seen your child’s behavior, over and over again because of the lack discipline !! Your child having special needs does not negate the fact that he needs discipline.

And as far as I’m concerned, if a butt whooping is warranted, then a butt whooping he gets. If you think that he’s any different than any other child because he has special needs, then think again. If you continue to allow him to go without discipline, you’ll be driving him to school because he will be kicked off of the bus. I disciplined my special needs son when it was neccessary. If you don’t you’ll be very sorry that you didn’t.

1 Like

Why are you calling him special needs if he hasn’t been diagnosed? He could very well be just a spoiled rotten child that acts out. Being someone who works with special needs people I find it offensive that people are quick to say their child is special needs because they are a bit out control and a parent or other people can’t handle the child. Unless a doctor has told you and diagnosed your child as special needs stop saying they are! Having a special needs child isn’t a damn fad!