My spouse complains when I leave the house: Advice?

How would you feel if every time you left the house, all you hear from your significant other how long your gone, and it takes forever. even if it was just one hour, but EVERY time you left, you hear it and even said something about it, but it still doesn’t stop

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Its called control been there.

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Make them come with you until they prefer to stay home.

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I HAD a husband like that. Key word… HAD

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That’s someone controlling you. Everyone deserves time away from home. Start complaining to him when he does it.

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My husband has done this since day 1

It doesn’t get better. It gets worse. I dealt with that and so much more for 18 yrs.

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That sounds very controlling … you should be able to leave the house without being questioned every 5 seconds

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Leave him… Does he complain when you have to go to work? because jobs are usually like 8 hours. Girl get out while you can.

Nope.
Either speak to him or leave.
If it bothers him that much he’s co-dependent & it will escolate.

What’s his reasoning? Maybe he would like to go with sometimes. I mean talk about it first. If it is a control thing then get the heck out.

My husband would be locked in the freezer if he acted like that.
However when I go out I do tell him what I am up to or when I will be home it’s a respect thing. He does the same

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Early dementia. Afraid to be alone

Get out NOW! Will only get worse! And very likely abusive.

Did they come into the relationship with trust issues? Have they ever had a reason to question things?

Been there done that, kept doing what I do, he needs to understand I shouldn’t have to rush everywhere and wtf anyway. He doesn’t do that to me much anymore

I mean, I would say “oh well! Too bad” act like you don’t care. People like to act that way if they think they can get a reaction out of you.

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Mine doesn’t complain when I go to work, but he’ll complain about me being gone for hours for our kids sporting events. I just tell him if it bothers him, come with me! He hates sports!

Yeah, then I would stay out another 5 hours. Tell me what to do and I’ll do the opposite🙃 Have boundaries for yourself no matter who it is in your life.

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He is a narcissist! It will only get worse!!! Get out and get out now or you will literally go insane!

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I was always told if I was gone long I was up to cheating but ok if he was gone all day.

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On the other end quit leaving so much. Maybe spend sometime together

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I mean it depends on how everything else is going… I’m thrilled when my man misses me :joy:

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Is send him packing like fuck your gonna tell me when i can leave n complain about it. Especially if i have the kid ,make my own money n am paying for the gas n ins. Stfu be back later.

Mine just usually laughs until the day the cameras catch 10 amazon boxes lol

Why was my comment deleted?

He sounds controlling, time to leave.

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What are they hiding

Sounds controlling. I wouldn’t be surprised if it gets worse.
Get out while you can

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Maybe they’re feeling overwhelmed. Anxiety filled , over worked or something along those lines ? Maybe next time invite them with you even if its just a store trip or encouragement them to go put with a friend while you go out as well. Sometimes what comes out as anger and being controlling is really just poor communication about an emotion they don’t understand why they’re feeling or how to express it

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Tell him to shut up or answer that you will be home next year then keep walking !

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I feel ya, mines the same way. I’m done :heavy_check_mark:with it

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Someone needs to grow up.

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Massive red flag for me sounds controlling…

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:triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:
You should be able to leave the house and not get grief.
Kindly tell him its over.
You deserve better

Say I don’t know but I’ll call you and see if you need anything I can pick up for you on my way home.

I would tell him to shut up and mind his business :joy:

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Nope. That sounds toxic and quite unhealthy.

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That’s gaslighting and a SERIOUS red flag. Please be safe

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First off, he’s not your boss, that being said, I would tell him I’ll be gone approximately 2 hours, tack on more time than you need. Maybe if he has a time frame he will not complain.

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He needs hobbies and not to be so codependent

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I can’t even go grocery shopping without a text saying eta? Drives me crazy!!! And I know our kids are driving him nuts, but oh freakin well! Welcome to my world :joy::joy:

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Sounds like your spouse is insecure and possibly controlling. Do not ignore it, it’s a serious issue.

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I’d add in a hour of me time everytime he asked, called, complained. Then explain to him that calling adds an hour… don’t call me and I’ll be back sooner!:joy:

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I would take longer every time he complained.

But what’s he complaining about? Being alone with the kids? Or just that you aren’t home where he can see you?

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Well, I had one like that… and now I do not. Now I have someone who tells me to have fun (in a real way), encourages me to do things with my friends or on my own and usually just asks me to grab him food on my way home.

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You get to leave the house alone? Lol :sob:

He/She is trying to see how much time they have to do something they shouldn’t be doing.

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Work out why he’s insecure. At least have a conversation.

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I would grab an extra coffee next time I’m out

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Depends…is he doing this to be controlling? Or is it for another reason? Is it a complaint? Or is it a genuine question? My husband generally asks me just to know how long our children will drive him nuts…and he will call or text me a few times to ask me where something is etc…it drives me nuts😂 …but I know it’s sincere and never a a control thing. There is a difference.

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Sounds insecure… and maybe has trust issues from a past… or controlling

he is trying to control you. this can lead to domestic violence. if you talk to him about it, have keys and phone in hand in case he freaks. and record the conversation in a way that he doesn’t know about.

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Divorce. I don’t want to be married to a damn child or a controlling jerk. Abuse is next so bye bye

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Love how almost everyone commenting is thinking it’s a male doing this when it could very well be played out by a female too.

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Tell him to stop, period. And stop taking his calls or texts when you are out. If he wants to constantly complain, that’s his problem not yours. Set boundaries and follow them.

Sounds like a control issue

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How old is your husband?
3 years old?

I had an ex who would get mad if I was out, even with my mom, too long. I’ve been away from him for over 10 years and I still get anxious if I’m out “too long”. Don’t let him treat you like that, it isn’t healthy.

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I’d leave him. Moms needs breaks too and a lot of people don’t realize that.

Tell him to do it!
He’s a Crybaby.

My fiance used to do this because the kids stressed him out :laughing: I told him to get over it, I am with them all day everyday.
I told him that I started to feel like it was just easier not to go out because I knew I wouldn’t have fun, I’d just worry about him being stressed and try to get home as quickly as possible.
Once I told him that, he stopped bugging me. He realized how unfair it was for me and now he encourages me to have a good time and only calls/texts when he needs something.

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Oh my God,just tell him to shut up,you are not his slave.

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Throw.the.whole.man.out. There is absolutely no reason either partner shouldn’t be allowed appropriate time away from the house for me time. For my now husband that might mean time at the shooting range, dinner and catch up time with his friends some where, whatever that may be. Likewise, sometimes for me I just wanna go to the store to do shopping solo to get away from the house and kids. If I told him I wanted to go elsewhere for a little bit he would absolutely be fine with that too. Its just a mutual respect and understanding thing.

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Um …it shouldn’t have to take strangers on the internet to tell you that an adult conversation between you and your partner NEEDS TO HAPPEN…BUT…APPARENTLY???..

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Have a conversation with your significant other to better understand each other. If it’s insecurities then they need to work with someone to heal from it. Have you cheated in the past or lied etc…

Your spouse might have separation anxiety. I sometimes get upset if my husband is gone for too long. It’s only because I miss him.

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Can you say controlling narcissist? Give it time. He will begin to isolate you from family and friends. Then convince you to depend on him more and more. It’s a cycle I went through. Eventually it will turn physical. Then it gets really ugly. Save yourself a lot of pain and heartache and run! Not walk, RUN!

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I’d be pissed. Does he recognize this is a distinct problem for you? Is he insecure, does he have anxiety about your safety, is he simply controlling, are you doing shit y’all have agreed you wouldn’t do? Figure that out and go from there. If he’s just being a dick, get out. That’s too codependent and unhealthy. Maybe some counseling if y’all can both get on the same page to move forward. But do not waste your best years on any mf that’s not listening to what you’re saying and giving it to you in a fair and equal relationship. Trust me.
Good luck.

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Typical start of narcissistic behavior

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Been there done that, never again. You are an adult that has the right to do whatever the fuck you want. Tell him if he needs a mummy to go back home to his or man up!

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Definite signs of control issues. I’m sure there are more signs there…

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Tell them to get a damn life lol Jesus.

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If you’re a SAHM… and he works or whatever. I’d tell him to STFU. Those little heathens are his too.

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Stay gone longer😂 every time he mentions it

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Run run run as fast as you can

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It’s so sad that this is “normal” for some of you… this is not okay🤦🏻‍♀️

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This was my marriage. Just get out, babe. :heart:

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I wouldn’t put up with it and leave

That’s a red flag. Shall we say narcissist?

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Nope stop that do not argue with her,tell her it’s not up for discussion,1darn hour come on!!Tell to put her big girl panties on and grow up!!!tell her you’ll do the same to her when she needs a break and give her the blues like she did you!!!

I had this issue with my Fiancé for a little bit. I told him it bothered the crap out of me, and I just needed some time out of the house since I’m home 24/7. I was never gone for more than 20-30 minutes. He finally understood, and he doesn’t mention it anymore, and I agreed to let him know when I got to the destination I was going, especially if it was dark, and let him know when I was on my way home, so he knew I was okay and nothing happened.

Omg no way would o let anyone tell me about going anywhere

My husband does this. Fucking annoying. I feel guilty and anxious whenever I leave the house now. :upside_down_face:

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I would feel like yeeting them into the sun.

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Red flag, run, before they lock you in the house. This is a red flag for abuse

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Leave and don’t come back. That way you never have to hear them complain about how long it takes you to come back. :thinking:

They are trying to control. DO NOT GIVE IN. I’m getting all kind of red flags.

Sounds controlling to me

Tell him he does not own you and you do not run on his time schedule. Youre allowed to leave the house, as is he.
I would lose my shit if someone was constantly clocking me like i was a teenager with a curfew, always expecting updates.

He has some control issues he needs to work on. If you dont see any improvement, run. Cause itll only escalate

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But let me guess he can leave whenever he wants and be gone for hours and that’s OK but when you do it it’s complaints :roll_eyes: definitely a control thing. You need to shut that down real quick.

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Sounds like guilts eating at him and he thinks you’re up to no good or on the brighter side he’s just controlling. Either way…good luck with that one.

Send them on errands

You’re describing a controlling, abusive person, not a partner. Why would anyone allow a person like that in their life, let alone their home?

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Same boat …I tell him to stfu :joy:

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I would feel suffocated. I came into this world alone, i need my alone time.

I start doing the same thing right back.

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It’s not always control issues, it can be signs of being in an abusive environment and adapting to those behaviors later they become things people dont realize are actually not normal things other people do… at times its insecurities from a lack of communication not always a lack of trust but more feeling like things should be shared without having to be asked… it’s also a sign of anxiety issues and it comes out as these things and maybe you being gone isnt the problem but anxiety about how it makes your partner feel because of a trigger they may not notice they have… I really dont agree with all this its abuse a red flag leave give up run… look people really need to sit down and talk about things asses the issues you’re having with your partner. Of course by no means am I saying stay if there is abuse going on. But get to the root of the problem you are having by finding out what is really going on with them.

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I did that for 14 years and wasted all my 20s and half of my 30s. Never fn again. They are trying to control every aspect of your life. I know it’s so hard to even think of leaving but please know that it’s possible and very likely that you will be so happy and free afterward.

Does your partner have friends / a job / a hobby?
Is your partner lonely or controlling.
Not enough info to work with for a result.

Something about your question is missing.

Ah yes, why. Give me that ill give you some solutions

I couldn’t live like this