My spouse does nothing for me on my birthday

My birthday is coming up and I know my spouse will do nothing for me. It’s not that he doesn’t love me, he just doesn’t go out of his way to do stuff like that and never has. I go out every year for his birthday and make it special and feel like I shouldn’t have to ask for the same in return. I just needed to vent I guess…anyone else go through this?

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My last two ex’s same thing! I did evrything up & down for them, never received a gift for birthday nor valentines. If they truly feel you, or love you… they should make time to do at least one thing. Especially if you are doing something for them on their birthday. Obviously you see those ex’s didn’t work out. I don’t know I dipped. It’s just the thought like does your spouse even care?? I felt horrible and ashamed. My family & friends would always ask oh so what did they get you. I would end up lying so they wouldn’t look bad. I got tired of that & them not doing shit for themselves.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My spouse does nothing for me on my birthday

We focus on the kids, not us and that’s OK. We choose our dinner and cake.

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I focus more on my kids birthdays then mine. We normally will just make dinner and maybe bake a cake.

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My husband is the same way since always didn’t expect it to change
But he goes out of his way to provide anything else I need any other time so I don’t mind
I guess he can’t be perfect :joy:

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Take the day off have a guilt free Spa day for a nice lunch pamper yourself

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well then dont do anything for him on his birthday anymore, and dont even tell him happy birthday. Just go about your daily routine and be busy doing your own thing with the kids if you have kids

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Stop just for one year going out of the way for his bday do nothing do a simple home baked cake store bought icing pre made decorations and just any ole bday card only sign your name period but be really nice and happy to him and around him . Let him see what its like

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:raising_hand_woman:t4: last year planned a weekend in Sedona and $3k boudoir shoot.
My birthday he made dinner.
This year comedy show for Valentines and another for his birthday. I’m not holding my breath :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t4:

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My husband said he is broke every Christmas, birthday, anniversary, I used to do little things for him until he told me it was not enough what I was doing for him, so I stopped doing things for him.

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I let my birthday go years and years ago. My ex husband if almost 10yrs did nothing for my birthday, or holidays. I just got over it and made his day about him… and focused that onto my kids also. (Yes I made his bday about him. Joys of being married to a narcissist)…

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I feel like I wrote this! It’s harder for some of us to accept this. I was spoiled by my parents on my birthday. Out of 6 kids, we struggled, but on our birthdays we always felt extra loved! My husband has gotten better after 10 years, I’m thankful for at least a card! It has nothing to do with materialistic things, just being thought of. Hope things get better! :yellow_heart:

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Stop & I bet he will start…

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My husband doesn’t really plan much but I love it because I get to plan what I want and pick out my own gift and tell him “look what you got me for my birthday!!! I love it sooo much!!!” And we’re both thrilled.

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Just ask. Some people just don’t get it unless you say something. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, just means he communicates differently.

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I feel this.
I try and make my husbands and kids birthdays special but no one cares about mine it seems. I decided last year I’m celebrate mine in the summer instead of the fall, and do something I really will enjoy.

We have done it that way for 25 plus years. Our main forcus was/are the kids (grandkids) We don’t get Christmas, mothers day, fathers day, birthday or anniversary presents for each other. We just take $50 out of our account and buy our own presents.

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Put that energy into your own birthday! :partying_face: go all out for yourself. Spoil you. Happy early birthday! :tada:

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Stop doing it for him take it from an old woman

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Do something for yourself ….

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Honestly another perspective to look at here would be, is showering him with affection your “love language”? Maybe the ways he thinks he’s showing his love are different. Mine is very much gift giving I love doing big things for people like that. My fiancés is very much acts of service. He won’t be the first to pick me up a random bouquet of flowers or anything. But if I’ve had a long day and I’m tired, he’ll run me bath and take over with my daughter and let me relax. Sometimes there’s different ways to show appreciation and it’s just not obvious to him. Y’all love in different ways so your best option could be to sit down and talk with him and tell him that is important to you.

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Look into the ‘7 love languages’ !
Everyone shows love in their own way and when you learn what yours are versus your partners it can help you both recognize when the other is doing something loving. Gift giving is one of the languages so when he doesn’t put the same effort into it for you, it can feel like he doesn’t care. But if he is showing love in another “language” then recognize that and appreciate it when he does.

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I spoil myself. Then come home saying “look what you got me” :sweat_smile::sweat_smile: I’m a SAHM so really all the money I have is his money :woman_shrugging::joy: I like it that way and he does too

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For years I didn’t do anything, my boys didn’t even know when it was my birthday, my ex did nothing and neither did my current boyfriend until I communicated with him my wants and needs. I feel like I needed that extra from him, I specifically told him what I wanted and even took his phone and made reminders of other special days for him. I think a lot of men are like that if they are never taught it. So instead of taking it personally or getting hurt over it I fixed it myself. For years I thought well if they have to be told to do it, it looses its significance, but nah it’s okay, everyone is different and has different needs and wants…. :grin: simply tell him exactly what you expect and give a reminder…. Voila you get what you want on your day!

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Tell him what you want from him. Tell him that it bothers you that he doesnt do anything soecial for you.

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Life happens…there may be other stuff going on some years…however what you can and should do is create birthday rituals by yourself, be it a church visit/ spa/ shopping treat/ lunch

Sometimes you just gotto celebrate yourself without expecting others to celebrate you.

Wishing you happiness, Always:)

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My spouse isn’t great with that stuff either so last year on mother’s day I got myself a card, signed his name and inside was my plane tickets for a girls trip to Florida! I acted like it was from him and thanked him profusely. :rofl:

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My bf gave me money for a birthday and ended up taking most of it back. I ended up with maybe 60 bucks n had to use that for supper.

Many men are undoing a lifetime of very different possibly painful or empty past experiences. Love them and guide them and perhaps they will reciprocate one day. Took mine about 10’ years and happened naturally. He married into a family that celebrates big. While he used to leave family events and drive around even because they were so uncomfortable (he wouldn’t say that) but after 10 years, and me not pushing just showing, it changed him and now 14 years he is setting a new precedent for our children. :white_heart: don’t lose hope

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Just plain tell him what you want for your birthday… He may not have the creativity to “go all out” … Thata totally ok… Communicate that sh!t to him… Point blunt this ______ , _____, ____ is what you want from him… Hes not a mind reader, and you said its not his “thing” to go all out… Tell him what you want …

Talk to him about it, or plan it yourself. Some people just aren’t good at that or don’t think it’s a big deal because maybe to him it’s not. Tell him exactly what you need or tell him you’re making reservations, whatever, and to plan on going out that night.

Well if you know he doesn’t go all out for your birthday then why are you still doing it for him? Give him a taste of his own medicine. Stop doing so much for his birthday and when he asks why (cause he will) tell him exactly why which is because he doesn’t for you so why should you.

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I go through the same thing. This used to upset me so much. I had a couple of years where I would set my expectations super high the months prior and even mention him it was coming up a couple times prior and he never did anything not even say happy bday and I would have a meltdown in the night of and he would say let’s go I’ll take you somewhere but only because he felt he messed up and I would get into the biggest fight and not want to go. This made me feel like the biggest brat. I finally years down the road had a conversation with him about how important it was for me to celebrate birthdays and to make it special for the people we love and it doesn’t have to be a big thing just remembering to say something the beginning of the day means so much and he opened up about how growing up he never got anything and we agreed to compromise. Now I don’t expect anything and he has been surprising me he tries now. I will never set my expectations high anymore for any holiday either and it works

This was me a few years back & I noticed it was because he didn’t really “know” how to… so I threw in hints here & there and now that my hubby has a new job with better pay he feels more comfortable doing what I “want” my bday is in like 10 days and he has said a few things to the point where I know he is going all out this year and it’s so comforting… just talk to your love… there’s many men that truly don’t know til u tell them and that’s okay… it’s like teaching your son how to care for a gf or someone they like… lol. Communication is a big key… but if he don’t grasp it don’t be so hurt about it… be grateful that you made it another year baby. Treat yourself… do something that excites you.

Do something big for yourself and make it a big deal, if he still doesn’t care then do what he does for you it’s what he is asking for, or at least tell him how it makes you feel

Do nothing for his. You asking a non giver to give . Sorry he is a taker
You will wait a lifetime, that’s why I do our budget and buy my own gifts and tell him thank you

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We was talking one night &
When my husband found out that EVERYONE in my family, friends & bf forgot my birthday when I was 18 he said, " omg :astonished: well I promise you THAT will never happen again. "

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Demand better, not only for him, but yourself.

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Stop doing stuff on his birthday.

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I agree with the love languages. We all show it differently.
However, if I had a husband who didn’t show me any consideration of any kind or extra love on our special days, I’d have a huge problem.
You should be made to feel important and special to the people you love the most.
If he isn’t doing anything to make you feel loved and appreciated, tell him.
If he still won’t, then he’s a jerk and you should stop doing extra things for him.
Go treat yourself and make sure he knows that you’re pampering yourself because he won’t.
Happy Birthday. I hope you have a great day.

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Have a talk with him and find out why… maybe that’s not his love language… my own love language is quality time… when ppl buy me gifts or have surprise celebrations for me, that’s not what makes me feel special… yes I’m appreciative but I’d much rather spend some quality time engaged in deep conversation or lay out under the stars with someone… I’ve learned to make others feel loved and appreciated by speaking their love language and not mine… you like getting gifts, I get you gifts… Joe Shmoe likes getting his feet rubbed, I rub his feet… etc… hope that helps

I sent my hubby a link and said this is what I want for my birthday.

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If you never tell him and this is how he’s always been then you can’t expect him to up and change. Hubbs and I rarely celebrate birthdays or Valentine’s day or anything. We usually go out on our anniversary but nothing crazy just like dinner and a movie. I know we are low key and agreeable about this. Maybe your husband is also low key like we are and just doesn’t realize you want more?

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I’m not old school but men know it’s your birthday. They are lazy. Every one of them was a child and had a birthday. I actually heard a guy talking about his wife’s birthday and he wasn’t getting her anything!!!
He said "so she will get mad and pout and then get over it, and I keep my$100!!! They don’t give a shit about your feelings.

Maybe you could brainstorm things that you’d like, really spell it out for him. Like a master list. Material goods, acts, meaningful etc.
Give him the master list and he can refer to it for birthdays/occasions throughout the future.
For example:

Love letter.
Picnic in a sentimental spot.
Flowers/card/cake.
Massage/pedicure etc.
Material things relative to your hobbies or unique interests.
A day trip or weekend getaway.
His time and attention on YOUR hobby/interest.
Just a list of things that would make you feel celebrated.
Add big things and small things.
And just present it to him as “here are some ideas of what would help me feel like my birthday is celebrated by you”.

Sometimes they really need it spelled out explicitly. I also agree maybe scale back HIS birthdays just a bit to maybe take the pressure off of him being able to reciprocate to that degree until he gets the hang of it.

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Talk to him about it if it really upsets u . Some ppl dont care but most do. Its a special day and he should be considerate of your feelings…but if u dont tell him he may not know…communicate…and havr a happy bday…on the other hand you could ignore his and see how he feels

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My bf same thing 6 years now lucky if I get a card . Like valentine’s day also . Christmas small gifts . Some guys don’t show ,they don’t realize we need to know we are loved also. He expects all the stuff tho when it comes to him

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Mines the same. I just gave up expecting anything more than usual routine haha I’m ok with that. He would probably just waste money anyways

Yes my husband and I are just like that. He may get me a couple of gifts (sometines) but never plans anything. I use to plan dinner and have gifts for him, now I get him 1 gift and let that be it.

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I stopped putting effort in when I realized he wasn’t going to do the same

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Make your own plans for your birthday. Go on a girls trip or something. Don’t be bitter about it just have fun. At least every few years.

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I do not fret over birthdays as I am only one day older than I was the day before if other people I know remember I thank them and tell them we will have cake and ice e cream on Sunday afternoon if they want to celebrate

I think you should tell him how it makes you feel. Maybe his family has never made a big deal about birthdays and he doesn’t really get it.
Communication is the key to happy and healthy relationships.

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Stop doing things for his birthday.

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I feel like your love language is different. Maybe figure out what his is and talk about them together so you guys are on the same page?

Throw yourself a party. Make yourself feel like you grew wiser another year, live another year, beat up all the problems you had the past year. Celebrate your year, buy yourself a present with his money. Then let him know, you did it for you because he has done shit.

Learn to give as you’re given. Could bring about a change. If not, then you’ve been warned

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Some guys need to be hit over the head with a figurative brick. I guess you’ll have to make up a list of things you want for your birthday and hand it to him, telling him to pick one and get it for you. Put your birthdate on the list. Bake yourself a cake, buy ice cream… make it clear you’d like to celebrate your birthday too, not just his. If he doesn’t cooperate, take the day and celebrate yourself. Go out shopping and get yourself something. Go have your hair done. If you’re into manicures/pedicures do that. Make a day of it. If this doesn’t appeal to you… you still would like someone to celebrate with, ask a female friend to share your day with you. That’s the best advice I can offer.

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Do him the same quit going above and beyond for his birthday until he starts doing it for you Also talk to him about how you feel Happy Birthday hope you have a wonderful day

I was married to my high school sweetheart for 47 years. We were much in love, raised 6 wonderful, productive children and had very few issues. Occasionally he would remember a BD or anniversary with something special… BUT always I was cared for and respected. NEVER was there a moment of suspected unfaithfulness, lack of mine or our childen’s needs being met, or a feeling I wasn’t being completely loved and appreciated. Many times I acknowledged those occasions, at times missed them as well, but it never was an unqualified expectation for either of us! Who needed it? We had ALL we could possibly want!!:heart_eyes:

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Ask what he’s getting you and if he’s making plans…. Talk to him…. I know you shouldn’t have to, but if he can’t make you feel special then maybe stop doing it for him.

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You need to tell him how you feel he may not know how it makes you feel and some men are clueless about these things and he may not mean to make you feel like this either

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Go out and celebrate with girl friends!

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Make it easy for him a lot of us guys arnt organised enough to plan stuff like birthdays and it sounds silly but make a list of stuff you want for your bday and a couple of things you would like to do and we can usually get it from there. It’s scary for a guy to plan stuff for a girl that does all the planning in the relationship.

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I feel this. I go all out for my husband and told him I just need something as a reminder of your love, love note, cute voice note, card, jewelry…literally anything… and he doesn’t. He claims it’s because he “overthinks” it and then stalls because he can’t think of the perfect thing. I just want to feel loved.

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I understand completely, mine does get me gifts but doesn’t really plan anything… I’ve just started having a girls day on my birthday, going out with my friends for lunch, shopping spree or even just a lazy day with the girls

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So let me get this straight: you do something nice and then you expect him to do the same, that sounds like keeping score and not being geniune. You do it because you want to and from your heart. His love language may be different than yours, like filling up your gas tank, making sure things work around the house, idk, men are not like women and I doubt party planning is their forte.

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For his birthday, buy something for yourself, and let him open it. lol

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Ask him a lot of men don’t realize things make a difference let him know that it hurts when you don’t have anything special fro your birthday don’t hint at him straight up tell him you want something special

If he’s never gone out of his way, then why do you still expect it? You either need to accept it or stop doing things for him.

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Yup. I never get what I ask for.

Look up love languages and figure out which one is yours. I’m guessing acts of service and gifts. We tend to show our love in the way we want to be loved. So you going all out for his birthday is what you want for yours but for him it’s not a big deal. Both of you should study the love languages and learn to show your love for each other the way the other needs it.
Also after reading about them have an honest mature adult conversation about it, communication is key.
I believe (personally, not fact lol) that our love languages are what we didn’t receive as a child.

Plus get a babysitter (if you’ll have kids) because if things heat up after the conversation it would be nice to not have to tone it down, just let go, get out of your head and be free.

Stop going out of your way for him. Show him how it feels.

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Girl. Don’t even get me started. The ONLY Christmas gift that was under the tree for ME was FROM ME (for the kids ya know), the only birthday the last 3 years that I didn’t end the day crying because it was just another day and my husband doesn’t give a crap was the birthday that I scheduled my daughter and I to go horseback riding. Our anniversary just passed and he had the audacity to get upset when he got me a card but I didn’t get him anything. I decorate the house for his birthday every year. He always has a cake/candle, I can’t remember the last “birthday wish” I got to make. I made sure he had multiple gifts under the tree that he didn’t even have a clue about, yet that one time- on the ONE time he remembers and I didn’t he got upset. :unamused: seriously.
And it’s not that he doesn’t love me, like you said, but it’s just stuff he doesn’t think about even though he’s seen repeatedly how it hurts my feelings.

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My husband is the same way. Some men just aren’t good at that stuff. We are also getting to the age and point in life where we have everything we want or need. So usually dinner or something. But he definitely never “plans” anything. No cards, no flowers, no wrapped gift.
It’s more like what do you want babe. Okay let’s go buy it. :woman_shrugging:

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Just start saying oh my bday is blah we should do something or remember my bday is such an such day

Stop doing for him. Simple as that. You deserve something

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Ok? But why do you go all out knowing he isn’t gonna do it for you and still somehow get upset when he doesn’t even though he’s always been this way??? You’ve known this is how he is, so I’m sorry but complaining that you go all out even though you KNOW he won’t and still complaining when he doesn’t just makes you look silly. Stop doing it for him if you’re gonna get upset when he doesn’t do the same for you.

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I’ve never got a gift from my husband :sweat_smile:

Lmfao well this year if he does it again promise yourself that whatever you usually spend on him on his birthday you’re going to do it for your self. Indulge

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Im bossy :rofl: I tell him what I want and what I want to do and BAM. Happy birthday to me. Works great. :ok_hand:

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I’ve been through the same it’s now 13yrs later and I’ve decided not to bother anymore

It’s time you do the same for him if someone can’t acknowledge your birthday to me this is the most important date for a person and if they can’t do anything for me they won’t get a thing from me not even a happy birthday
Give him a taste of what he’s doing to you

Ummmmmm my birthday is when I get to get away from my husband and daughter :rofl: I have a damn ladies night then come home and have sloppy slobbering on everything like a baby sex :rofl::rofl: then pass out with a good night’s rest :relieved: only time we go do something special is anniversaries when we got together and when we got married. The only special birthdays you should be pissed about is 21, 25, 30, 40, 50, ect. Everyone was born on a day out of the year. Hell I forget how old I am half the time I haven’t celebrated a birthday in 4 years

If on his next birthday you just give him a present, wish him happy birthday and leave it at that then he might get the message. Men unfortunetly don’t think like we do.

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I think you should talk to him about your feelings. I grew up not doing anything on my birthday. It wasn’t a big deal in my family. So when I met my husband I didn’t make a big deal about his.

But he’d throw a tantrum every birthday - it took me a while get that it was a tantrum and it was because I wasn’t giving him special treatment on his birthday (5 years, to be exact). I wish he had just communicated how important it was to him earlier.

He’d make a big deal about mine and I didn’t appreciate it… I still don’t because my birthday doesnt mean anything to me. It’s just another day in the year.

Now I cook a nice meal and we cut cake on his birthday while he gives me money to get whatever I want on my birthday :joy::joy:

Both of us are polar opposites but we meet in the middle and we’re both happy.

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Ask, tell him, demand. Get spoiled even if u have to bring it up. He isn’t going to read your mind.

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Save the budget you’ve been spending on him, and apply it for YOUR days hun. Watch him​:exploding_head::skull_and_crossbones:. Then when he’s mad and miffed just say you’ve decided to treat yourself in the same manner he does himself. Nothing for you, and I’ll treat myself. :ring::crown:

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Plan a day for yourself.

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Stop doing it for him

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Treat him how he treats you if he’s fine with it he’s probably not big on holidays and you are you will need to sit him down and explain how it’s making you feel. usually we give out what we want hoping for the same outcome when its time for us and most men don’t seem to be as romantic or into holidays as us and don’t understand how it makes us feel unloved and unwanted when they can’t even take a few mins out of their day to think about us in return I would talk to him and explain what you need in this relationship so he knows exactly what you are expecting my therapist told me men aren’t mind readers and we sometimes need things they don’t so they aren’t understanding the connection we have with the thought of them getting us things. my husband actually did amazing for my Christmas this year it wasn’t a million things but I felt like it was it made me feel good he put in effort to think about me and grab some things I really really love hopefully talking things through will help you!:crossed_fingers:

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I go thru this too. And its sad. It makes me really sad. Because i never had any of that. By anyone, so i try to go out of my way to make any time special for others. Been together 4 years, ive gotten a necklace for my very first bday we spent together, and a card for mothers day after 2 years. Thats it. Nothing else, ever. Not exaggerating. Ive cried many times over this and just eventually decided that i never had it before, and probably would never get that. But i also stopped buying gifts in return. Its not fair to spend 200 + on him, and even his older son (whom i love) but not even get idk a $1.00 card and a mug, a spoon, a blanket, a shirt like nothiiinggg. Its like im not even thought about in the slightest

Teach him about the 5 love languages. Tell him your top 2. Let him tell you his top 2. He might not even like what you do for him on his birthday because it is not his love language.

I always got gardening tools. When I got a new mower I took the hint

My bf doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because he has had bad ones in the past. It hurts my feelings seeing ladies get spoiled so my Valentine’s days are really always a bad day for me. We will order dinner in I guess that’s something. My bday is literally today March 23rd we will see if he remembers​:roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t4:

So then don’t do nothing for his birthday

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Men just don’t think like we do unfortunately :woman_facepalming: and I understand we don’t give to recieve, but maybe he doesn’t realise how hurtful the little effort he puts in is hurting you, if you don’t want to outright say it, maybe say little hints leading up to your birthday (if you don’t already) and go from there, I hope you get the birthday you deserve next time, good luck :yellow_heart:

Ffs I forgot my ex GF birthday just once and by fck I got it in the neck… I’m like hun we broke up last year get over it :grin:.
Seriously though after the the first time of no birthday you should of got the message and not bothered with his… Some people are just Rodney’s and will take generosity and never give back

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Plan your own party babe