My spouse told me he was only with me because of our daughter: Advice?

Thats why they say, “you can never take back hurtful words”. Verbal abuse leaves invisible marks and you will never be the same again. Verbal abuses will not stop, it will live on for as long as you are together. Be kind to yourself and move away, its a choice not all of us have.

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Time to leave. A relationship where you stay together for the kids isn’t right. That’s not how children learn relationships. He is holding you back from your best self

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Picture your daughter with a guy that says that to her…
You’re teaching her what love is.
Show her self respect is important and she deserves better.
And so do you!

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Try marriage counseling first. Every couple annoys each other and says mean things. Is this a temporary low point, something that built up over time, or has he always felt like this? Most marriages have a point where one partner then the other wants a divorce after a while; it doesn’t mean you can’t get past it, but you might need professional advice.

Did something happen to stab him in the heart and he took it out on you because you’re his safe space? Not an excuse for him to be so mean, but you said he’s changed his tune, plus you’re extra-emotional being pregnant. Plus, guys aren’t supposed to be sad and vulnerable, so often it comes out as anger.

Did he want kids? Were your children planned, happy accidents, or something only you wanted? Do you work? Will you be able to support yourself and two kids? Is he likely to be good about paying child support? You won’t get any if custody is 50-50. Were you just assuming he’d want to get married without asking him if he ever wanted to be married? How many years is a long time?

Do you know why he doesn’t want to marry you? It might hurt to hear the answer, but ask (preferably in a counseling session to help you deal) if he ever loved you, and if so, why, and what changed? How does he feel about the baby you’re now having?

It’s easy to say, “leave him,” but doing so is a lot harder. If you can’t work things out, plan your exit slowly and carefully. Contact a woman’s center to do so wisely and safely, both for you and your toddler as it will affect her/him and likely cause a regression in development. Save money for a lawyer. Being a single parent is no walk in the park. Build your support network. Decide how you want custody to work and how you want to deal with new partners.

Determine ways to increase your income over time. It might even be worth it to tough it out until the kids are in school unless you’re financially able to pay for daycare for two.

This was a great resource for me: https://thewomenscenter.org/

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There’s so much more to love than just a feeling

You get counseling so you aren’t treated like crap in front of your kids. No one should be spoken to disrespectfully. You both need to be respectful to each other and maybe it’s time to work on some things. If you talked marriage before and now he’s changed his mind you have to decide what you want. You don’t NEED a man and if he’s not willing to compromise or be a real partner then whether you love him or not is he making you happy is he making you teach your full potential? Or are you settling?

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Make sure you can take care of yourself on your own and leave. That’s no way to live. At the very least try counseling but personally I’d have already left.

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Cruelty is not necessary for any one. I’d take the kids and leave. He doesn’t love you.

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You wouldn’t be the first or last single person to raise your kid’s. They are probably better off with you. Some one that loves them.

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What a horrible man… to hurt u so much…if u can get out now do it…

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Fuck that shit. Drop that loser and love yourself babygirl!!! YOU ARE WORTH LOVING! you’re teaching your daughter what to expect from a man. If your daughter was in your shoes, what would your advice be?

Was it said during an argument because people say mean things that they dont mean when angry, not nice but we’ve generally all done it at some point.

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You’re NOT doing you children any favors staying in a loveless relationship. They learn by what they see, end the cycle.

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I mean this in the nicest and most supportive way. You need therapy. You need it to deal with the emotions that come from verbal abuse that you have tolerated all these years. You need therapy to work through the emotions of accepting that you didn’t deserve that treatment because you are better than that. And most importantly you need therapy to gain self esteem so that you won’t set your bar so low for when another one comes along.
He is telling you exactly how he feels. Even if its just in the heat of the moment. As adults we have to learn how to keep our mouth shut when we don’t have anything nice to say because those hurtful words might make him feel better but are leaving invisible but very real scars on you. No one here is saying it will be easy, but you will stand on your own two feet again with your head high because you deserve it. So does you daughter. You are teaching her. Even when you think she isn’t watching or listening. They are sponges. Teacher her to be proud of herself. To be brave, strong and able to see red flags and know how to handle them because she wants to be treated right. Use her as motivation, especially on the hard days. Good luck momma :heart:

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He has no right to speak to you that way and if he said then theres something to.Even when you say something out of anger theres a reason and then dont wanna marry you.I would start getting your self straight and then say bye bye and find yourself a man that doesnt treat you that way and that is really in love with you…Thats toxic for you and now your child never stay together for the childs sake it isnt healthy and things dont work out.Even though you still love him unfortunately you cant make him feel the same and you dont want to live a lie and waste more years with someone who doesnt want to be with you.You can care for each other and still raise a child together without living and being togetherher.good luck

He needs to go. He sounds emotionally/verbally abusive, and you do not deserve that!

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Throw him out with the trash.
Verbal abuse will just get worse and leave lasting scars.
Emotional abuse leaves scars only we can see.
If he said it during an argument, it is still cruel, and most likely some of it he meant.

As a mum of girls, id bebpacking up and leaving. Like fuck id be teaching them they are second best

Leave. It won’t get better. If he’s not already he will be cheating soon.

Wow :sleepy: I feel so sorry for you but take this as a stepping stone . He clearly doesn’t love you and you deserve better than to stay in a loveless relationship, one which your children will grow up and see. I know it’s hard but once you get out of it all and put your life back together it will be a lot easier. I would try and look at it this way aswell, if he never vocalised his feelings you could of been stuck for another 5-10 years not knowing and being with a man who clearly doesn’t feel the same way

He is using your feelings to hurt you. Ive heard those very words said to my face as well. He is verbally abusing you. Its really up to you how much more you will take. At the end of the day, yes you love him, but do you love yourself? Because someone who loves you, wouodnt purposely try to hurt you. I left after 16 years of abuse. I finally loved myself more, because the more chances i gave him, he knew he didnt have to change. And he had no plans to either.

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Admin please remove Brandon it’s a womens group…his negativity we don’t need.

He is a fucking prick! Leave! You’ll have support from people who love you with the kids.

If he said it he meant it unfortunately. It may be cruel but at least he’s being honest and you know where he stands. Sounds like it’s time to move on. Like someone said above, you aren’t doing your children any favors being in a loveless relationship. They don’t need to feel like that’s normal or okay.

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Get away if he cares he’ll come after you if he don’t you don’t need him ,hit him where it hurts “child support” and tell him have a good life

Be a single mum there’s plenty of single mums out there that do a brilliant job it ll be scary at first but I honestly you ll get there. If he loves you he will fight for you when your apart. Sounds like he does not respect you.

thats a no brainer leave his sorry ass he will never give you the respect you deserve

Advice… you’re an adult and you already know what you should do put away for the extra rainy day and then plan your escape!

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Leave. If he’s only with you for the kids that will fade and then he’s just wasting your time. You’ll find someone who cherishes you and supports you no matter what. Don drink poison just because you’re thirsty.

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Leave now!! I wouldn’t stay bc of a child or children its unfair to the kids and they are the ones who will be hurting worse in the long run

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Milk it as long as you can :joy: he shouldn’t have said those things so now he can suffer for it

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Leave and find yourself someone that wants to be with you for YOU.

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the notion that staying together is better than breaking up is disgusting and needs to change. staying in an unhappy relationship with a man whose said his peace (whether he wants to act like he didn’t mean it or not) will do nothing good for you. don’t water yourself down for someone. you deserve better.

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Just leave. Life is to short and that’s not a lesson you want to teach your kids.

I’d do couples counseling. I tried it in my last marriage but I was at my wits end with him. But if you want to try and he’s making some what of an effort then counseling will give you a start on where the problem is. Cus if he really is only there because of your daughter, that’s not a real relationship. And will soon likely fall apart.
I would try for your daughter at least but staying in an empty relationship is nothing anyone deserves.

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Don’t settle for less. You and your kids deserve better than that.

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Unpopular opinion here::see_no_evil:
People say things they don’t mean when they’re angry or hurt. Hurt ppl, hurt ppl, until they learn better conflict resolution skills. IF this was said in an argument or heated moment, I’d show grace, but demand therapy. Actions do speak louder than our sometimes awful words. Has he loved you well with his actions? If so, we all get mad and say things we don’t mean… I know I have, and I love my husband more anyone on this planet

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It sounds like he’s only manipulating you by now saying he loves you to get you to stay. When he told you he doesn’t love you he meant it, but you’re pregnant so he’s Defusing the situation. It might hurt to face & feel the reality… but the sooner you do the better.

Accept it, feel it, let it hurt but leave for your sake & your children’s. Your home is already broken.

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Well you can’t make him love you
…so I feel you need to find a way to move on. One kids or ten wouldn’t you rather your kids see you in a loving relationship or just one you are both having to fake.

In my humble opinion, you also need to only be there for your daughter…only cook her food.only wash her clothes, only take her places that make you happy…maybe he will get the clue or get some sense about the whole…if not.leave him and still be only there for your daughter…you shouldn’t ever stay where you aren’t appreciated and valued or it takes longer to recover and actually feel better…

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I would leave pregnant or not having children together or not he doesn’t deserve you . You deserve someone who does love you who does want to marry you :heart:

You realize he just told you he doesn’t love you, will never marry you, and only wants a relationship with his children? What exactly are you stuck on?

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Leave.
Go about your own life, without him.
Get your child support for you kid and be done with him!

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Leave. Find someone who is with you for you. He will always be their father.

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Leave. Anyone who can say hurtful, hateful stuff like that doesn’t deserve you. He won’t know what he has till it’s gone.

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Start stepping. He’s already made his feelings known, not likely to change. Make a plan and get out.

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Thats would be the last an only time someone tell me that …That something you should never say if you dont mean it …would you want someone saying that to your child…Find your worth move forward an go add happiness to your happiness

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I would say go see a counselor- you and then both of you. I think people have rough patches and maybe you hit one of them. You can love someone and not like them, maybe he didn’t express his feelings as he should of. Is he feeling anxious about a second child etc etc I am not sure what else he said to you so it’s difficult but I would seek counseling. I am all for trying to work it out because of the kids and seeing if you can get over this rough patch but to say just because of the kids and not work on your relationship with each other doesn’t make sense. You are your children’s examples and life is tough, sometimes people say and do things you don’t like but it’s all how you handle them.

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Honey if he says those things and keeps saying those things then he means it then there’s no point in sticking around. Unrequited love is one of the most painful loves ever. He will never change is mind. Best to just move on for your sake and your daughters. People always say “stay for the kids”. That’s the worst thing you could ever do. Kids need happy
Parents. They pick up on the negative and sadness.

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Prayers over your family. Strongly suggest Christian counseling. It works incredibly well if both are willing to listen, forgive and make changes. The Holy Spirit is the great comforter and can heal!

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Bye felicia! You don’t need to be with him for the kid.

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He love you cuz it #Stimmatax Season !!!Gurl go find Ya Hero And Duck that Zero …Hell …We not Chasing No MEN All 2021 !#CHASE THE BAG​:heavy_dollar_sign::heavy_dollar_sign::heavy_dollar_sign:

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I’d leave personally

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Go find someone who could never imagine NOT marrying you. Y’all can be there for your daughter without wasting eachothers time

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Learn to live with it, or leave.
Personally, I would leave. If he truly loves you, he’ll change his ways and things will just work out.

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Don’t stay. He shouldn’t stay. He’s just setting the standard for y’all daughter when she grows up. Would you want your daughter being treated like you are. Just maybe y’all can be great co-parents.

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It’s time to leave. It won’t be easy but life isn’t and as women, we pull through :heart: :heart: hugs to you.

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I have told my husband… if the day comes that you are not happy and don’t love me anymore… please don’t stay married to me because we have a son together

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You over valued your relationship with him. Figure out how to be a friend for your child’s sake and cut ties with him. Life is too short to be lonely and not get the love you deserve. If a man won’t marry you after you gift him with a child he doesn’t deserve you. Walk away.

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Honestly…leave. trust me, you don’t want to stay in a loveless relationship based on the children. I did that…and unfortunately I started to resent him. Granted I also resented him for leaving me as the sole provided in the relationship, him not taking care of our kids, plus ya know him talking to other girls…but regardless it wasn’t a pretty ending.

Moat of these women are telling you bluntly that you are fucking blind. Go get your eyes checked and go get a job to support you and your kid. Marry your job, not someone else because you’re lonely.

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Pack yourself & your baby & move on. Look for resources to help you. Get out now & run as fast as u can.

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You deserve much better. It will be better for you guys to not be together.

Umm…leave him. :woman_shrugging:

I’m going through a divorce with a guy that sounds similar to your boyfriend. I stayed bc of kids and 12 years later, I wish I would’ve filed for divorce sooner. You’ll find someone who loves you :heart:

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Staying together for the kids is usually not good for the kids… sounds like you deserve better

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I would end it. Your child will eventually sense something is off, and you don’t want her growing up with this as normal. She’s young enough to adjust to you being separated. Then you can both have the chance to find people you really love and want to be with.

If he is saying all these cruel things, then it proves that he cares nothing for you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was seeing someone else! You so need to pack up your things and leave or make him move out! NOTHING good can come of this now! :pensive:

Get a lawyer and move on. You deserve better.

You want your daughter to see that as she gets older? I’m sure you don’t! I’d leave while she’s young and will have an easier time adapting to the change. I one should ever make you feel that way :slightly_frowning_face:

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you deserve better. :clap:

I had the exact same thing happen to me. Leave. Now.

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I’m sorry BUT :disappointed: :neutral_face: you said it yourself…he has made his feelings about you.and your relationship very clear. Is it hurtful…YES. is it mean… YES …DOES HE MEAN WHAT HE IS SAYING… I DON’T know you all bur my guess is…YES. IS THIS YOUR FAULT…NO. when someone SHOWS YOU/TELLS YOU WHO THEY ARE/HOW THWY THEY FEEL…BELIEVE IT. I know its hard to let go of a relationship that you think you want/need in order to be happy BUT… TRUE HAPPINESS DOESN’T HAVE TO MEAN THAT YOU STAY IN A LOVELESS (ONE SIDED RELATIONSHIP). Should he still be there/be responsible for/help you with your kids?? ABSOLUTELY :100:. BUT YOU DESERVE MORE THAN SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT LOVE/WANT YOU ANYMORE.

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Verbal n mental abuse is just as bad a physical. U need to get a lawyer n go about co-parenting get u some counseling. Your feelings matter. Sending hugs n love n prayers

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You answered your own question girl

If u think he meant it. Then pack your bags n move on. But if he’s lying ( to himself) or just trying to hurt you Seek counseling. Otherwise consider his ass to be a check. Make him the weekend dad. And you actually get time to yourself. ( we all want that. Even just a few hours ). Wish u luck.

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If your daughter grows up and is in a long term relationship and it looks like the one you’re in, or her partner said the same things to her, what would you tell her to do?

Children are perceptive. You cannot hide a loveless, unhappy relationship from them. If you wouldn’t feel okay telling her to stay, you shouldn’t either. She is learning what love she deserves by watching you. She is learning what a relationship should look like, by watching you both. She needs to be taught that sometimes loving someone isn’t enough, and that staying when you aren’t respected or valued is never the right answer. She needs to see that sometimes you have to make the hard choice, and to stand up for yourself, in order to find the RIGHT kind of love or relationship. :woman_shrugging:

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That’s a huge sign for you to get yours and your daughters life right to be together without him there full time! Let him go, bc it will only get worse as times goes on and then he will resent you and make it all your fault!! You got this momma and you absolutely can do it on your own and don’t let HIM or anyone else make you think any different! I did it when our son was not even 3 yrs old and that was over 3 yrs of his horrible words and treatment towards me and in front of our son and now our son is 8 and he’s amazing and I forever get compliments on his manners, respect, love towards everyone and especially for his personality! The good thing is that he was so young he doesn’t remember any of the horrible times with me and his father, he knows now that things were bad but I won’t tell him the whole truth until he’s a lot older! His daddy has since than passed away and I will never talk bad about him to our son! He loves his daddy and he now has such an amazing step dad that loves him and me with everything in him!! That makes it all worth the tears, heartbreak and all the questioning that I had about what kid of mother I was!!!

Why would you stay with someone if they didnt love you…leave for the love of ur kids, it would be better alone than to be in a fake realationship.

If he is willing go to marriage councilling , otherwise you are living with a narcissist and you will never be happy …

Leave. Itll be easier now than if he marries you to prove a point not meaning it.

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Oh honey, you have to get out of that situation. It’s going to be hard and hurt a lot, but you can’t stay with someone who doesn’t care about you. Hugs. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

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I feel your pain honey weigh the option and take your stand now you know better.

what do you mean what to do? you move out and move on. you gonna wait for him to love you? marry you? he said he doesnt and he wont. move on and coparent in a healthy way.

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Leave. People don’t say something that hateful if it’s not true. Because he’s only there due to the daughter leave. take your daughter let him see her on the weekends

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Well he was probably only saying that to get to you if you guys were fighting. Sometimes they dig deep and know what to say just to get to us.

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I feel like you’re asking already knowing the answer…
You’re children will be the ones hurt if you stay.

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No… please don’t. As much as it hurts, I am certain it hurts, please do not subject yourself to that. No child needs to see a relationship that is not based on genuine love. It’s only a matter of time before it’s obvious. The fact you are here speaks volumes. Everything will eventually be okay!!! Take care of you.

You need counseling. Now.

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Things said during pregnancy is always remembered and hurts worse.

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Pick up what’s left of your dignity and move on. You can do better.

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Leave before it’s too late. Another baby will not make him love you.

That’s not healthy for you or your child and it will only hurt you more and it’ll hurt her in the long run. Leave now before it’s too late. My parents split when I was 2 and I’m glad they did because they were not meant to be together. Come up with an agreement to share custody of your child and honestly sweetie let him go. It is so easy to get over something when it’s bad for you and your child. My father needed away from my mother who was toxic for many years of her life. NOBODY deserves to live like this.

He’s love and your love for each other is probably bass off of the idea of a future or relationship that isn’t.

And your probably together also still because it’s easier on both of you
Example: finances or just having a place to stay

I don’t believe in breaking up homes “especially” because you have a kid together and one on the way
But I do believe in marry

So…sit down with yourself and evaluate how you want your life to be and what you want out of a relationship
(“If” you see yourself getting married then why would you be with someone who doesn’t want to marry you?)

If you don’t you’ll continue to be lost :disappointed: and mad :angry:

You also need to ask him to do the same and then come together and talk about it

Compromising is apart of relationships not at the expense of your happiness and well-being

Maybe get help

Nothing will work if you can’t forgive, but don’t forget there’s a reason for everything maybe that’s how he “feels inside” maybe he’s hurting like you and that’s his way of trying to tell you

Idk :man_shrugging: but I’m open to listen more to your troubles and maybe suggest things if your asking

Leave, been there before… LEAVE‼️ before you have that baby and that postpartum hits, it’s only gone get worse bc everything anyone says and/or does sticks during pregnancy … don’t ignore them red flags, he told you that for a reason. Get custody before he tries to as well. I stayed bc I didn’t want to raise a child outside of coparenting. Now I’m on a ankle monitor and I have a therapist for depression & anxiety all due to my relationship

He told how he really felt … a lot of ppl stay in relationships for their kids even when they are not happy … I think you should talk it and move on … he can love you and not be in love

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I beg you please leave.

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Get out now, 30 years experience here, it doesnt get better or easier on the kids to wait so long

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He has shown you who he is and how he feels.

Kids see & remember forever.
It won’t get better. Sorry.

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Gtho asap seriously, you deserve so much more! It sounds like he just doesn’t want to pay child support. He can still be there for his children but you deserve to be treated like a cherished woman! Remember to live as an example for your daughter. Would you want your daughter to stay with someone like him? Have some self respect and dignity. Don’t stay somewhere you’re not welcomed. You can do so much better, even with 2 children.