My Spouse Will Not Let Me Touch His Phone: Advice?


“I’ve been with my husband for three years (married 2), and this is my third marriage. My first husband I was with ten years cheated, and my second husband I was with 13 years, and both cheated. Needless to say, I have trust issues. Although my current husband has never given me a reason not to trust him, it bothers me that I do not have access to his phone. Not that I want to snoop, but he is so adamant about me touching it, and that bothers me. He has access to my phone at any time. I feel if there’s nothing to hide, then why does he care. He feels that I’m treating him like everyone else and that he has nothing to hide. He says I’ve watched him unlock his phone, so I know how to get in, which I don’t, but he doesn’t offer to show me either. Suggestions?”

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“Some people just like to have boundaries and personal space. Doesn’t mean he’s hiding something. I don’t use my partners, he doesn’t use mine because we trust each other.”

“I wouldn’t let anyone in my phone and I have nothing to hide. But I would absolutely feel like my privacy was violated if my partner felt like he could go through my phone and read my text messages with my friends. Sometimes I vent to my friends even my mother. Those conversations are private. Personal space is an absolute necessity in relationships. My phone is an extension of myself. I can’t imagine someone feeling like they should have the right to just go through my things.”

“If he won’t let you touch his phone or use it, there is 100% something on his phone he doesn’t want you to see.”

“If he hasn’t given you reason to worry, you are punishing him for the sins of the ones before him. He should leave.”

“Trust him until he gives you a reason not to. He deserves that much.”

“Idk, my husband and I both aren’t open with our phones. I’m not hiding anything and I don’t feel like he is either. Some things are just personal. Like…can I just keep my 2am cutest animals on YouTube search to myself??”

“I don’t let my husband see my phone either and I am not hiding anything. My phone is like my journal. I google my inner thoughts and wonderings. That’s private to me.”

“Start locking your phone and don’t tell him the code. Even though you have nothing to hide, he’ll see how it feels. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”

“Please don’t listen to everyone saying there is something going on because they want a chance to brag about their own relationships. It is very likely that there is nothing to worry about and he is just adamant about his privacy. I would suggest you sit down and really talk to him about how all of this makes you feel. Don’t attack or be accusatory, acknowledge that you know this could be seen as irrational but to consider what you’ve been through. I would also look into some personal counseling or therapy to deal with your trust problems and fear of betrayal. You got this!”

“Boundaries people. Everyone is entitled to privacy. I can get in husband’s phone but I have never looked at it. It’s not my business. He doesn’t look at mine. I trust him. He trust me. I have been cheated on and divorced because of it. Stop projecting issues on good men because you have trust issues. Get therapy and work through you personal issues.”

“My husband and I dont look at each others phones but if I asked he would let me and vice versa. If he didn’t, thats definitely suspicious. We know each others passwords too.”

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