So I and my bf are a blended family. I have a bio son from another relationship, he has two from another relationship, and we are expecting our first together. Now first, let me say I am NOT downing these kids at all. I love my stepkids like they were my own and have always been close to them. Now that being said, their mother SPOILS them rotten. These kids do not ever get told no by her, they get whatever they want (mother admitted it, and kids say it all the time) we don’t do that, we discipline, but obviously, it makes it harder having two different parenting styles where she spoils and never says no, and we have rules. So his daughter is five and in kindergarten. (I learned she was never put in pre k) her mother has recently been informing us that she is struggling with school cause she doesn’t want to do it when she’s there or studies at home… And it’s clear her mother doesn’t make her since she doesn’t make them do anything they don’t want to do. I think its ridiculous since me and her father have tried so hard to help her when they are here, flashcards, educational sites, constant praise, and rewards when she does good and focuses. We try to help her whenever she is over here, but it seems her mother doesn’t want to do her part on her time. She has them the majority, of the time we only get them on weekends. And lately, the daughter has been getting mad at us because we try to make sure she studies, and we tell her she needs to even if she doesn’t want to. And I kid you not, her response to us about that (and pretty much anything we tell her) is, “my mommy doesn’t make me. I wanna go to mommies. She lets me do whatever I want”. Its frustrating cause now we have been told she might have to repeat kindergarten if she can’t catch up…we don’t know what to do. We have tried talking to the mother, and she just tells us not to tell her how to parent, and she will spoil them if she wants to. Apparently, even if it costs her child her education…
Well dhs will be in ur life as a result of mommy apply for full custody
She in kindergarten
Wtf are they sending home for home work
She’s 5 she should be playing and FYI jk sk is not mandatory
Not your house, not your problem. Dh needs to talk to the school and see what he can do to help her when she with you…You can’t force someone to parent like you or the way you see fit- unfortunately. She is FIVE- she is testing waters. P.S. school isn’t even mandatory at that age- so what if they “hold her back”- most states do not require attendance until 6. Edited
Maybe have the father talk to the school counselor and also I really recommend all of you go to family counseling for a while, see if some compromise can be made and worst case scenario, it will all be documented by a therapist if the father needs to go to court if the mother’s actions are detrimental. Since you aren’t actually married and aren’t legally stepmom, there’s very little you can do. It’s all on the father’s shoulders to step up and be more proactive.
She is 5 years old and in kindergarten. She will be just fine. It’s not “costing her her education” at that age. Stop being so dramatic. Shes young. She will be just fine. Especially since kindergarten isn’t even mandatory until age 6… You need to butt out.
Girl! This is all I hear from my kids- I wanna go to dads they don’t have rules, we can eat a whole box of pop tarts before dinner. We don’t have a bed time…
For one shes 5 idk any 5 year old that will sit and do homework they cant sit very long to begin with. Also you cant make a child do something because it will just turn into a fight and meltdown. Make it fun and try different ways of doing it.
I learned that not every thing kids say is 100% true.
Sounds like her mother is just lazy
Technically, they aren’t your children and since you aren’t married legally aren’t your stepchildren either. That discipline you speak of has to come from there dad. Keep in mind that these kids might just be pulling your leg, too
Go to court and get custody. This will be every year this child will struggle her entire life with school.
I would suggest a family meeting with her teacher and her school counselor to help mom understand that it’s time to start some discipline and everyone needs to be on the same page.
Sorry but they aren’t your step kids they’re your boyfriends kids. It’s nice you care but, that’s just the facts. That being said this is the struggle she’s being a dick. Maybe suggest parenting therapy.
Shes in kindergarten… Back off
Unfortunately you don’t have the right to control what happens in her home. It’s none of your business. Keep the structure at your house, set your rules, and stick to them. Try not to get offended by me saying that I don’t mean it in a harsh or mean way. Simply put you can’t control how someone else runs their household.
That’s not spoiling that’s not caring to parent…
I get your frustration but she’s the mother and has custody of her so all you can do is worry about your own time with her.
Omg she is 5 years old… Why would she want to spend her weekends studying at her dads… Chill out and enjoy having fun with the kid…
First off, she is the MOM! You are step mom. She can do what she wants with her child. Although she needs to respect your rules she needs to have a sit down with y’all and the daughter and tell her when the daughter is at yalls house she needs to follow the rules. Kids don’t get held back in kindergarten unless the parent asks for it. Maybe the daughter has a learning disorder too. All kids are different. You said you have one he has 2 and y’all out expecting. Please learn now that every child is different. You said you talked to the mom but what did you exactly talk about? Her spoiling her child? Or the child respecting your rules?
Mind your own. If dad is concerned then he can step in
Good attendance and education starts as young as preschool! I work in the school and yea kindergarten is important may not be a requirement but when you start out school (no matter what grade) and you tell your kid oh it’s kindergarten we don’t have to do it or let them hold you back it’s only kindergarten who cares. it’s a big deal! That becomes what these kids know. Kids start to learn their life long habits this way. I specialize in attendance and kids who are absent a lot starting in kindergarten are the high School drop outs because they learned so young it’s okay not to show up. And that’s what moms teaching her by not making her do her homework. My son did tk and struggled, they probably would have held him back if he was in kindergarten. This year in kindergarten he’s doing much better. But still struggles. We have him in tutoring 3 days a week. Maybe see if the school she’s in offers that! My sons teacher doesn’t send home a homework packet but some do. His homework is reading nightly and family game once a week and also finish any work not finished in class. But this tutoring has helped so much! I’m not sure what advice to give you since mom doesn’t seem to care about her education other than don’t give up! Stay in contact with teachers and school officials, try ABC mouse. There’s a lot of games she might enjoy and it might not feel so “school ish” to her. Good luck and great job being an amazing step mother and caring so much about her
Just leave it. It’s not really your responsibility. Your responsibility is the kid coming your way and the bio son you have. That’s your boyfriends kid with another girl and let them deal with it on their own. If she spoils them, good for her. Just stay out of it. If the kid is struggling in school, that’s okay it’s the moms problem, not yours.
Can’t have step kids if you aren’t married…
What mom does on her time is up to her, not dad, and definitely not dad’s girlfriend
It’s your boyfriend so therefore not your step children or your anything. Mom can parent how she chooses. It isn’t up to daddy’s girlfriend to tell her what to do and not to do. Sounds like a typical five year old and you and daddy dearest are going to make That poor kid hate school before it really even begins. Leave her alone. Stop trying to force her to sit and do work when she is with you. If you want to help take everyday tasks and turn it into an educational experience. Bake a cake take a walk explore the world while engaging her
Just be glad the Dad(your BF is on your side) my step daughter is spoiled on ALL sides, i think because of guilt . I’m the only one that treats the kids (my bio son and her ) as equals🙄.
This must be the states to have a big push on studying at age 5
Been there done that. My ex had 2 kids, same situation, spoiled at moms and we had rules, never wanted to be here, any progress we made in a weekend was undone and beyond by the next weekend. She didn’t make them work (at anything chores (age appropriate), skills, existing anything.) The 5 year old was the absolute worst, helpless and loved it, rude, abusive, demanding, absolutely awful. The 7 almost 8 year old wasn’t even potty trained.
That relationship didn’t make it past 2 years due to all of the dysfunction. I couldn’t cope with those weekends. By Thursday night my stomach was sick and churning, I was shaking with stress, life wasn’t worth living just because of the dysfunction and how awful it was to have under my roof. There’s absolutely nothing you can do especially if she’s the main custodial parent where they spend the most time. Any minor achievements you’ll make on your weekends are undone by the next visit. It’s a war you can never and will never win
It’s a hard situation but the fact is she’s not your daughter she is theirs. They have to figure out a way to handle it. She’s young so it may just be she’s not entirely ready and maybe she needs to repeat kindergarten. There’s nothing you’re going to be able to do about it as much as it sucks to watch. I’ve been here trust me do not try to enforce what you think is right bc it’s not your place to do so it’s up to her father to do that.
You said it yourself, you have Different parenting styles. You can’t be mad at her for her for not doing things YOuR way. If she’s not abusing them then what she does with them may be hard for you but in the end she’s not doing anything wrong because that’s her way of parenting her own kids. Only Advice Is to let her know “hey your kids might tell you I’m being mean, but this is how I parent.”
You’re going to wreck your relationship with those kids and the dads relationship with them. Dad should call the school and talk to the teacher if he’s so concerned
Nothing you can do. As for studying and grade she may be held back for a reason. Let her mom and dad handle it.
Sounds like she is doing it out of spite and maybe resentment some parents do that to make the other parent look bad unfortunately there is nothing you can do but try your best but it’s not going to get any better
It will fall back on the Mom if she repeats the grade. Just let it be enjoy the weekends. Let BF handle it. Or take her home?
Oh well at least she’s in their lives and didn’t abandon them like yesterday’s post someone said the mom abandoned her kids for a man.
She is 5! Do you know how many kids can’t keep up at 5. I actually didn’t send 2 of mine until 6. The work alone is more on a first grade level. It’s not the same as what it was when we was in kindergarten. Maybe she just isn’t ready yet. You can’t force it until she is.
Ok I just wanna start off by saying, just because the kid says “my mommy never makes me” doesn’t mean that’s true. My son used to say stuff like that about both his dad and I (we share custody) and it’s just cause kids from two homes can be manipulative and they learn quickly what they can say to get a rise, even if you don’t react to it, they still say stuff like that. They just learn when there’s two homes, especially if one parent complains about the other and based off this post, it seems you and your bf may have discussions about their mom that they hear, so that could be part of it. If you have no proof that mom doesn’t work with them other than what the little kids say (which it seems like you don’t have any other proof) you can’t say mom doesn’t do what she’s supposed to. Also, being behind doesn’t necessarily mean it’s anyone’s fault. My stepdaughter is extremely behind despite having lots of resources and help, that doesn’t mean we’re bad parents. Also, I’ve NEVER heard of a school that will hold a kindergartener back for being behind, my stepdaughter has been behind since pre-k and is now in second grade and they still won’t hold her back. So idk if you just added that in to make it seem more severe or you’re just assuming that could happen with her being behind, but I highly doubt that’s entirely true. My kids never even got homework in kindergarten, I’m pretty sure most schools don’t do that…? But who knows. In the long run, it’s her kid and your boyfriends kid. You’re not even married and only have them on weekends, so you really can’t do anything except leave it to the parents. And also as far as the spoiledness goes, they’re entitled to doing that with their kids. it may not be right, but again, you can’t do anything about it.
I’m going to start off by saying that if a child needs to repeat kindergarten, it should be done. Some kids just aren’t ready for school at 5, so they struggle, pre-K or not. Studying shouldn’t even be a part of kindergarten.
That being said, your husband and his ex need to sit down and discuss how to co-parent better… or go to counseling together to figure out how to co-parent. Because the only people being hurt by the lack of continuity are the children. I understand you’re frustrated, but this is something your husband is going to have to fix.
As a mother with a 5 year old that is in kindergarten, and has been in school since he was 3, he brings homework home mostly sight words and reading! Kindergarten today isn’t all playing and fun, kids have to learn to read, count and write! I’m sorry but to read some of these comments of the child’s only 5 and in kindergarten she will b fine, breaks my heart!!! If you don’t set Boundaries, some responsibility into a child at a young age they will always think it’s ok to not do homework, go to school, or have any type of respect for themselves or anyone around them!
God, the people defending the bio mom and attacking this woman are sickening. Do you know what skills they work on in kindergarten?? Recognizing letters. Beginning sight words. Recognizing numbers. Counting. All things bio mom SHOULD want to work on. No, she’s not being abusive, she’s being neglectful. She’s making sure that she raises entitled twats that don’t know how to do a thing for themselves.
You’re not their step-mom and it’s not your business. Tend to your kids.
For everyone saying she’s too young is stupid. UNLESS she can tell you her ABCs, count 1-20 and her basic colors, she NEEDS TO STUDY! School isn’t just about education it’s about discipline. She’s at a vital age where she needs these basic skills. My daughter is TWO and knows all of the above without me pressuring her. We work together. Her mother needs her ass whooped for being lazy.
If you have the legal right, call for a conference with her teacher… and have her mother there as well. If she doesn’t show up, oh well. The teacher will see the effort for you guys. It’s always great to have the teacher to see how things are going at home. Me personally, I wouldn’t tolerate it. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like to do. Let her fuss about not wanting to do it. Let her say I want to go to mommy’s. Tell thats nice or I’m sorry you feel that way but you still are going to do this. You have to be super persistent. While she is with you and her dad… that is y’all’s time! That little girl will thank you in the long run. After repeating your self so many times, and the child seeing that you will not settle for her telling you no, she hopefully get the picture. All of this can be done without being rude or bossy. (Not saying that you are doing that) I have 4 kids. 4 very different kids with 4 different ways of learning. It even took me a while to figure out how each one of them learns. Positive rewards. While kids shouldn’t necessarily be rewarded for something they should be doing in the first place, MAYBE that will excite her to want to do this. Like you can get a sticker for your chart, or a little toy, a piece of candy if you do 15 minutes of work. We have a treasure chest here at home. When we are having a rough day and the kids are just not feeling homework, I give them about 30/45 minutes after school to relax, eat a snack, or even play outside. Then it’s wash hands and get to work. It helps tremendously if you find out what excites her to learn. And her style of learning. One of my son has adhd, a sensory processing disorder, and social communication disorder. Let me tell you, he is very particular and sometimes tries to talk me into doing things when and how he wants it. Lol but he has a chart that we made together. Routine is key also. It may be extremely time consuming but I promise you it is worth it. Especially if you are pregnant. Work hard now without stressing yourself out too much, so when baby comes along, you may have a routine in place. I think it’s all about the child having respect. Whiles she at your house, she has to follow your rules. If you continue to let her have her way… she will continue acting this way. Please don’t feel bad for hurting her feelings for a brief moment. You clearly care about her. Sorry for the long post but I know how you feel. You got this momma. Sit her down with you and your bf and ask her how would she like to do homework… putting the ball in her court. She will think she has some kind of “control” but write some things down that you guys discuss… have it close to wherever she is to do her homework. Remind her when she gets off tract the she and you guys agreed on “this” I’m so proud of you for reaching out for help. Kids are like us. They have bad days… and days where we just don’t want to do anything. We cannot expect them to cope with things, especially if we as adults can’t either. (And if her mom lets her not do her work, that’s all she knows) You will do great! oh as far as her mother… maybe you or her father can tell her, while she is at your house, she will follow the rules. You guys have just as much right to make and enforce those rules:) ok I think I’m done lol
All i read is " my step kids mom spoils them too much " all i gotta say is THEYRE HER KIDS.
All you can do is keep trying! Dont listen to these other nuts saying you aint a step parent just because y’all ain’t married. Clearly you have been a huge part of the kids life and clearly you love them… Its amazing how some of these moms act when it comes to step moms! Like I am FOREVER GREATFUL for my sons “step” mom and his “step” dad they play just as much of a role in my sons life as his dad and I do! My son wouldn’t be who he is today without his “step” parents. I wish you the best of luck mama! Just keep trying to talk to bio mom! The last thing those kids need is for y’all to have a toxic relationship!
Stop worrying about it and let her raise her daughter. At the end of the day you are trying for the child and that’s all you can do… don’t let things like that be your burden to carry as hard as it may sound bc that’s her mama regardless and she may he doing all she knows to do. Keep encouraging. Keep your balanced home.
Different parenting styles…you said it yourself. All you can do is keep trying to get her to do it at your house and deal with her while she is there or not 🤷 you cant make mom parent the way you parent. Not how that works
Everyone agreeing with the bio mom is ridiculous. This lady has every right to be upset and worried for her step kids. Just cause she’s a step parent doesn’t make her any less of a parent. The mother should be worried that her child more than likely will have to stay back and repeat kindergarten. Of she doesn’t take it seriously, go back to court and see if you guys can get more time. Of she was texts sent to you or your husband save those and show them that she’s said she doesn’t care.
Mind your business!! Those are not your kids, they don’t have to be educated how you want them to be. As long as those kids aren’t being mistreated or abused that should be all that should matter to you if you love them. You are NOT their mom
That is beyond your control. How would you feel if someone told you, how to parent your child in your home. That’s exactly what your doing here. If it’s not happening in your household, let it go.
You just have to make sure they know mommy’s rules dont apply at your guys house… we deal with similar things… I grew up with divorced parents the sooner they learn different houses different rules the better off everyone will be. My parents were exact opposites and I was only 2 when they split but by no means did I not understand dads rules were different and disobedience was not tolerated… why I do not understand kids these days if by 3 I knew my expectations from who I was around then by 5 they definitely know they are just being difficult… by that point we remove privileges until kids want to listen … but it will be a battle every weekend as long as shes primary parent …
Like you said you both have different parenting styles. I get that it sucks a**.
I’d just sit back and enjoy the weekends. Feather more it won’t be a reflection on you and your BF. Like you said, she’s with BM during the week.
She’s 5! Study? Who are you guys??? Studies have shown early education isn’t as important as once thought, pre k isn’t required!! Work on fostering a healthy, secure, safe feeling in this child!
If their Dad is that concerned about her education he needs to contact the school and become more involved in it.
If he wants to have them more than on the weekends and like A50/50 can be accomplished if he is willing to fight for it.
If his children’s education is suffering because their mother will not help or get the help necessary, that’s neglect.
School is not just fun and games and there is a lot more they’re expected to know in Kindergarten. numbers letters , colors and shapes are now learned in preschool. They also want them to use the bathroom unassisted, put a coat on unassisted, follow a basic schedule, some basic rules.
All of this should be worked on by every parent, step parent and adult educator in their life.
Jesus Christ some of these comments. While I do agree you can’t make anyone parent how you do no matter how wrong it is. Regardless of she’s 5 or not school work is IMPORTANT. My children were put in at age 3 (more so for social skills than education.) We still worked with them to make sure they knew what they were suppose to. My son is now 6 and in first grade. He does amazing in school (other than getting lazy with his handwriting) he’s advanced in math and knows the second he walks in the door from school he grabs a snack and sits down at the table and begins his homework. If he needs help we work through it together, but otherwise he does it himself and I check it after and yes if it’s wrong, if it’s not readable and neat act we REDO it. We then go through an extra activity book I have and do extras of whatever his mistakes were, whether is was handwriting, math, comprehension ect. This is how we’ve done things from the start and I feel it has greatly benefited him as he knows how severely important education is at a young age. DO NOT teach your kids lazy behavior especially in regards to school is ok. They are so moldable at that age and what they learn now is crucial to the future.
My kids say that to my ex, and to me. Finally sat down and talked to my ex. He definitely does spoil them but not like that. So it seems like she is doing what mine used to. Trying to get her way by pushing the parents arpart. COPARENT! Stay connected with the mother. Be civil and try to come to some sort of agreement where when the 5 year old says that, she can call her mom and mom says “You need to do your work.” So that the 5 year old knows that she can’t fool you.
Also…WHY IS A 5 YEAR OLD STUDYING LIKE THAT? Let kids be kids. Jeeze 8 hours is a long time for a 5 year old to stay attentive and learn.
That’s not spoiled, that’s being a 5 year old.
Repeating a grade is not the end of the world.
Pre-k is not mandatory. Only one of mine went to pre-k (she is now in kindergarten also) because she has CP. You are in a Hard spot…but, if she isnt doing well enough to move on to 1st grade then allow her to be held her back. We held one of our sons back to do 1st grade again because he didnt want to do the work the first time and its the best choice we made because now he is passing everything and does his work and understands it. Where I live kindergarten is MANDATORY, they have homework and come home with sight words and reading stuff and have to count to a certain number. They may not be your kids by blood but they are now your family. I’m glad you care about their education and how you want them to become amazing people. Unfortunately you and their father cant control how things go at their moms so you just have to do what you feel is right when they are with you. Tantrums and fits will always be normal in those situations. Just do what you feel is right, make her learning more fun as she is five and learning is supposed to be a fun experience not considered “studying” make learning games and stuff…it works the best. Good luck.
That what you call laziness and bad parenting she sounds like she shouldn’t have custody if she can’t even educate them to learn things that they currently need to better themselves that’s just frustrating let her have them weekends and you guys have them during the week what kind of mom doesn’t want there kids to succeed feeding them with a golden spoon isn’t going to help anyone and when there teenagers it’ll be even worse shes literally setting them up to fail i mean obviously if they said there’s a chance she’ll need to repeat that should never happen and that shows alot about how there “mother” teaches them in the home
Have a parent-teacher conference. Also the bF might want to ask his ex to do parenting classes all of u can take. Married or not to their father is irrelevant!!! You are in there lives. Period!!!
Wow I can’t believe some of these people. Yes they’re not your kids , and I do think you’re their step parent even if not legally married. The mom not helping her child succeed in her Education is neglecting. You can’t make her parent how you parent but if you and dad are on the same page then you can enforce your own rules in your house while they’re with you guys. She might not like it , and want to be at mommies but she needs to know rules are rules and they get followed while at your home . I would say do what you can when they’re with you but don’t worry about when they’re not . If dad is worried then he should try to be involved with the school and teacher and that will also show you guys are both doing your job in case you ever needed to show in the future for more time or custody or whatever. Good luck .
It’s your boyfriend’s responsibility to get through to the mom or try and get more custody. I’m a bio mom and step mom and unfortunately when it comes to step kids you have to let the bio parents parent their kids. Not your child not your responsibility.
She’s five. If she’s the youngest then they’re all old enuf to know mom’s house = mom’s rules, your house = your rules. They get in line or they get disciplined. You can only do your part. I would definitely talk to bf about speaking to someone at her school and asking them to emphasize to mom since she’s blowing you guys off.
I’m never one to have someone speak for anyone else. That’s cowardly bitch crap to me. But as gf, you really have no legal right to speak to a school official. And if it were me, I wouldn’t entertain speaking to you.
All these people saying “She’s only 5”, “She’s only in Kindergarten”. They do test kids at that age. Also, you should start teaching children early that school is important. That being said, if she fails, it is a reflection on her parents, not you. You are not really responsible for these children. It is great you care, but this should be between the parents.
Just keep doing your best, maybe Dad can talk to the teacher and principal at school and explain what’s going on? Otherwise unless y’all get custody you ate fighting a losing battle; because it sounds like biomom is a lazy mom. Any parent that doesn’t discipline their children and encourage them to do their best in school is a lousy mom. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change that. Good Luck.
Ummm… she’s their mom. If she wants to spoil them, that’s her right.
The person who posted this is disgusting! She is nothing more than a spiteful girlfriend who is upset her man has to pay child support and coparent with his ex. Don’t waste your time giving her advice.
You can only be in charge of your own home. If the dad doesnt want to take her to court and take responsibility for his child and her failing education, then there’s literally nothing you can do. Stepparents have no rights and if the bio isnt behind you with as much effort as you, just give up.
What there mom does at her house is none of your business, it’s between her mother and father, your house your business, other than communicating with your SO, not much you can do, but deal with it or move on.
Something I have had to do in my own situations
is just simply forget about what goes on at the other house
do your best when she’s at your house
U can’t make people change
especially when someone already doesn’t like u…
I’m the strict parent some but every time my kids come back from the other parent’s house it’s a nightmare for a couple days
that’s because at my house I hold back on the sweets because my kids cannot handle sugar not a lot anyways
and when they go to their dads it’s like Party City from what I’ve
heard they get snacks whenever they want
I used to make comments about it but then
I realized if I don’t play the game I don’t have as much of a problem
some people will do whatever they can to step on your toes because they know it’s getting to you so if you just focus on your house and stop calling her out it might help you to.
and sometimes people feel threatened by the stepmom
it takes a few years for everything to get lined up my husband has a child with another woman and let me tell you that girl has hated me for whatever reason since 2016 but like
I said I pulled out of the game
I don’t socialize
not my monkey not my circus when it comes to his ex .
I love my stepdaughter to pieces and I really hope eventually her mother wakes up and realizes all I ever wanted to be was a team player but if that day doesn’t ever come as long as my step daughter knows I have her best interests at heart and love her that’s all that matters.
I wish you the best of luck and I cannot believe so many people are putting you down
May not be a child you had but obviously
You love and care for her
She is not wrong. If the kids are safe and healthy, let her be their mom however she sees fit.
The amount of “your not their mom, step mom’s don’t count” comments are disgusting. Y’all need y’all’s ass kicked and I’m not even a step mom wtf. I’d discipline and do what you can in your house hold. While trying for partial custody so this poor kid doesn’t struggle y school her whole life. She may be 5 but she will never get that year back if she has to repeat. That holds out what year she will graduate, be able to start college ect. Things she’s to young to understand now but it doesn’t mean it’s not important. Try with their mom as much as you can while custody case is happening.
I just looked at your Facebook. You need to grow up and stop being Petty Bitter Betty
I hate women like this. This is why good mothers are made to look bad. Bc of girlfriends like this. That’s why we dont listen to step moms or wanna be step moms until they earn that title and respect. Who are you to say anything about a single mom expecting the dad to do his part financially.
Get custody,the mother is a terrible parent. Also call cps, she’s not doing her parent as a parent,and that’s neglect. It also endangers the children,as they don’t want to listen.That could get them hurt in a emergency situation.
My question is you start out with he has 2 kids with the ex, then all you mention is the little girl. Is the little girl in question the only issue or both kids? May not be bio mom after all if just her.
My step son is 4 and we have similar issues. Mum has him majority of the time and doesn’t like to discipline, say no, struggles to deal with him and his behaviour because of this etc etc and when he comes here it’s a whole different ball game, we have a strict routine, rules and chores. It’s hard to try and parent when you don’t get much time with him but we stick to our guns everytime he is here and as much as he can crack it sometimes he very rarely acts up with us now because he knows he won’t get away with it.
Just keep pushing through, you can do it and she will thank you for it later x
First off its not a bad thing that a child repeats kindergarten. So stop looking at it as the its the worse thing in the world. And second she a single mom doing the best she can. It’s hard being a single mom cux the lady some slack. You wouldn’t know. Cuz you have a partner. And their always different sides to the story. And your probably making it sound worse then it already is. I am just tired of married moms thinking there better then single moms. No one is better. Just leave the mom alone. I am sure she trying.
Sounds to me like the mom maybe feels a little quilty and spoils her a little much, but that’s far from being a bad parent, people grow the hell up! Just because someone does things different than you, don’t make you right or them wrong. According to the Bible YOU! and myself included ARE NOT WORTHY TO JUDGE ANYONE!
Take her to court. We now have custody of my step son because his mother didnt make him do his homework and try in school. When he got to us in 1st grade he didnt have a reading level. While they were married dad was deployed 9 months out of every year. So he wasnt there and couldn’t do anything. We had proof she didnt care and said he’d catch up. He didnt and couldn’t. He got to is and we made him work harder we made him study. We also heard the “well mommy dont make me” shit. We firmly stated this is not your moms. This is your home and we have rules. Now hes in 5th grade and in advanced classes. If you can prove shes not pushing to encourage learning and school and kids are suffering go to court. And no matter what these people say if you live in the home and you care for these kids like your own then you are a parent. Marriage doesnt make a parent. Love does
I’m so sick of women complaining about their boyfriend’s children’s moms. You’re not this child’s mother. Shoot you’re not even their step mom. Sleeping with their father does not give you authority over them & their mom. Stay out of it! Their parents need to be parents without your meddling.
You lost me when you tried to shame the mom for not putting the kid in pre-k… I literally had no desire to read on after that.
Honestly, my daughter at 5 and in kindergarten wasn’t really developmentally ready. She caught up in first. The second quarter was an amazing transformation.
You can work with her. But if you try to force the issue it may make it worse.
Oh boy. You’re not even the step mom. You’re dad’s girlfriend. It’s none of your business. Not your child, so sit down and shut up. You chose to be with a man who has children with another woman, so why are you complaining ? I’m so sick of girlfriends and step mom’s thinking they have say so. You don’t !
The OP of this comment, BECCA RUSSELL, is a vindictive, hateful person. She shouldn’t be allowed around these kids. If you’re the mom of her boyfriend’s kids you can & should take him to court for parenting time restrictions. Restrict him from taking her children around the person who hates & bullies you.
Your house your rules. That’s the bottom line in my home. I have kids of my own and a stepdaughter and yes obiously she is being raised differently but she learned that when she is with me we go by our rules. Everyone gets treated equally. If your stepchild fails then that is up to her mother to deal with it since she has her during weekdays and you guys only on weekends. It sucks I know cuz we want the best for them but it’s not up to us to parent for the mother. The mother must deal with this. My stepdaughter is 7 and is an only child and can very whiny and throw tantrums when she wouldn’t get her way. But that did not last long in my house lol. Set your rules n be firm. It’s TRUE when mom says you cant tell her how to parent. We have to be able to step back and let them make their own mistakes as a stepparent . Its crappy I know but all we can do is provide a safe and loving home , instill our ways and hope for the best. The little one will soon realize you guys did things out of love and just continue to stick to your rules. If you guys have study time best believe kids will be studying lol
I stopped when I read “my bf”
Just stop right there because you arent even a stepmom
My boys not going to Pre-K does that make me a bad mom? The fuck it doesn’t! The bad mom here is you for trying to shame that single mom doing the best she can with her kids. Also youre not step mommy here, you stated he’s your boyfriend. If it’s such a concern leave it to the child’s parents
You’re not the mom. You don’t get to make that decision. It’s her kid so yes she can do whatever she wants.
Not your kids, not your business how she parents HER children in HER home.
Also, if you are making a kindy kid study on weekends with you, no wonder she wants to go home.
I can’t believe what I just read.
My 5 year olds dont want to do school work outside of school either. They do enough while at school. Sorry, the amount of work they already have to do while at school isnt even age appropriate. I guess I’m a bad mom too. eye roll
How about you worry about what goes on in your own home and atop relying on a 5 year old to tell you what goes on at her other parents home. Just a thought.
Are the kids fed and taken care of? Sounds like they are. You can not control how she parents HER kids.
I can see that you do care about your step daughter and your way of showing her you love her is through structure. As a mother, I praise you for stepping in and studying with this little one. One thing I can tell you is never believe what kids tell you 100% because they twist things to their advantage. All you can do is your small part. I’m sure mom is not trying to harm her daughter purposely. It’s obvious that your boyfriend was the disciplinarian in the relationship and mom was the lenient one. Despite what others on here say, you have a very important role in this child’s life and you’re a very big part of your boyfriend’s life but maybe you should step back and let the parents work it out. Don’t be in his ear complaining about his child’s mother and definitely don’t be the driving force where he tells her what she should be doing, obviously they are not together because of such differences so why would it work now? That is their area and all you can do is be supportive and continue helping this child. At 5, her parents have already split, you are a new authoritarian role in her life and now this child, who did not ask for her life to change, will soon be having a new sibling which means her role in her father’s life will now also change in her eyes. Be gentle on the rules for her sake. Kids know when you are truly being genuine and they especially know when you don’t like their mother. Only control what you can control and that’s your actions. Don’t get in a race with mom because you’ll never win, even if she was a drug addict or very toxic, which gladly sounds like mom just really is trying to compensate for her daughters new family dynamics. I hope it works out.
Your not the step mother. Your the girlfriend of their daddy. It is his responsibility to straighten this out with his girls mother, not yours.
Welcome to a blended family, you can’t change her house rules or ways any more than she can change yours
Not your concern their dad is not even your husband
All these “girlfriends” thinking they suddenly have rights to another woman’s children. Get over yourself!!!
Wow.,the amount of hate and threats iv recieved from you ladies over this post is disgusting…threatening to go real world and all. That’s so sad.
I see alot of women saying they now have custody of their husbands bio kids. Do you mean the father now has custody of his children? Are your names listed on those court papers? Step parents have no legal rights to children where I’m from. Is that not the same everywhere?
As a mom of 7 ,I married a widower I think you are right on the money. Down the road they will be happy you put your foot down
You and your bf need to talk to the mom together. Co parent, go to counceling for a co parenting plan. If it still remains an issue Talk to the teacher about how to help her in school. Keep communication open, it’s about raising and teaching the child the best way possible so they learn and become independent thriving children, teens and adults. Support the kids, put the kids needs above the adult issues.