You sound kinda off to me, good luck trying to make a 5 year old do anything. You cant blame everything on her spoiling them. P.s it’s my boyfriend and I.
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I’m a Stepmom. Thankfully my stepdaughter is in her 20s now. 2 main points : 1)The only thing you can control is what happens at your house and 2) it’s your boyfriend’s job to decide what battles to pick with the ex. It’s his name on the custody papers and his butt that has to answer for things to the courts.
As long as your BF agrees, work with her on your weekends. I personally would only stick to homework and basic concepts though if Mom isn’t following through at home. Maybe her daughter failing will be a wake up call. If the daughter gives you too much crap, I would hand it off to Dad to handle and again if Dad doesn’t care then back off. This is ultimately their child, like it or not.
A stepparent’s role is to support the biological parent, not to replace a parent.
Idk,she only gets to spend 8days out of a month with you all,she doesn’t want to do schoolwork,Maybe you could make learning fun, where she doesn’t even know she’s learning!!
For instance,like counting how many grapes she has, What color are the M&Ms,Singing the ABCs together, When riding in the car asked what Color is that car,Count how many people are in the car,How many people in the house, How many pets do we have, Helping her
You got to make it FUN,
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Youbcant do anything. Your husband needs to. If the child is behind so much, get a tutor in to help on weekends. Both parents are responsible for this, no matter how often he does it doesn’t have her.
Honestly you tried I wouldn’t deal with that anymore let your man deal with it and her mom thats their daughter i understand your just trying to help but thats not your daughter
if its that bad he needs to get his kid and become custodial parent…go to court get that then also make it a rule that she has to follow agreed upon parenting. if he doesnt… then nothing yall can do but deal…
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kids tend to gravitate were they have there ways. and if its were there getting spoiled then they are not going to listen to no rules. until sadly to say there other parent gets onboard and makes the same rules for the child. but my step son. did not grow up with any rules and I did not agree with it now hes an adult. they become irresponsible adults and they cannot make there own decisions if you just give them what they want all the time. so it’s up to them but its not worth it. now hes 22 yrs old and at a still. you will pay for it for over 20 yrs as parents worrying because there were no boundaries set. so I hate the predicament were at now and I tried to tell them to be more stricter n no one listened this is the end result. a very prolonged codependent child that will need your help well into adulthood. very sad. but as step parents I could not do anything. yes being in a blended family is one of the toughest things on earth.
First off sorry this may be harsh, but it’s the truth. He is your boyfriend not your husband so they are not your step kids you really have no right to tell their mom how to parent. Even if you were their stepmom you still have no right to tell her how to parent. Yes she should not be letting them do whatever they want and act however they want, but she is their mom not you and and whatever she allows in her home is her choice. I think you need to leave it up to her and their dad don’t be that girlfriend that gets in the way of her parenting.
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So DRAMATIC!!..I dont believe you!.
And frankly they’re NOT your kids…they’re hers and his and it sounds like you have envy issues with things not going the way u want them to…mind your business and Backoff!!!
Mind your business and let his mother be his mother it’s not your place to question or judge because it’s not your child or children I guarantee if she was like that to you about your children then you wouldn’t have any of it you should never discipline someone else’s child or tell them off let the dad and the mom work it out or just the mom
RUN!!! GIRL: GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR SANITY! If the parents want to “lazy parent” the outcome is almost always selfish entitled teens. You don’t want a piece of that party.
You will struggle as the only one who truly cares and the kids will only resent you. Swimming against the current will tire you out and you will waste precious years of your life! RUN! GET OUT before your kid gets ruined in the mix.
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So ou guys get her on the weekend and shes doing homework in kindergarten really
Been there. My husband and I raised his daughter for 6 years. When she went to her mother’s on the weekends, there were no rules. She used to come back with an attitude and everything. Now she lives with her mother. She would rather be there because we have rules and there’s none there. I’ll tell you from experience, there’s nothing you can do. You can be the best stepmom and people will always trash you. Guarantee the mother is or will be turning the kids against you. I know it’s hard when the rules are not the same at both houses. It’s really confusing to the kids and hurting their learning in the long run. If the mother wants to raise them the way she is, let her. You will spend many countless days and nights worrying and all for nothing. The fun house is always the best house to kids.
- I applaud you for prioritizing education. Not enough parents do. Now you know why teachers struggle (in the US). They get blamed and schools get defunded when the students don’t perform, but they’re only with these kids 16% of time. That’s nothing! 2. If you’re in the US, she’s not likely to repeat. They almost never hold children back, especially at an Elementary level. If she started kindergarten at 4, maybe? But otherwise, generally they provide special accommodations and push kids through for better or worse.
- If you want to help the 5 yo catch up in school, she doesn’t need to “study”. She needs fun and interesting types of play, that will also teach her. If she’s not having fun, you get creative. If you force this on her, she just learns to hate school. That’s not anymore helpful than letting her run wild.
- You’re not married. These are not your stepkids. They are your boyfriend’s kids. If he doesn’t like how they are being raised, he needs to go get custody. If he doesn’t care how they are raised and is fine just requiring them to act a certain way when they are with him, then everyone needs to stfu and stop complaining. They will keep whining about having rules and (I assume) you’ll keep trying to enforce the rules, but you don’t get to complain. Put up or shut up, right? There aren’t any other options.
Oh! Unless the place you live is in your name only, then you can always tell him he can’t bring his kids to your place for the weekend if they won’t follow your rules and he can go stay with them at his mama’s house. lol
That’s it though.
Can’t change anything on weekends, if her week isBabygirl will fail with mom unless dad steps up and requests more time.
I spoil my daughter and I don’t give a fuck who hates it. 
First of all, it’s kindergarten, how much studying does a kindergartner need? Secondly, there is not a thing you can do about it, it isn’t your home, is it frustrating, sure it is, and you have every right to feel that way., but, you cannot change how she runs her home or how she disciplines, or doesn’t discipline her children. If you and your bf think they are in danger or she is neglectful, then there’s authorities to deal with that or you can always hire an attorney and take her back to court for a custody modification, but short if that, you are kinda stuck. I speak from experience, my husband and I have been dealing with this for 12 years, and it has caused us a lot of grief. I am very sorry you are dealing with it.
I mean I do understand that it is the mother the biological birth mother so technically yes she can do whatever she wants. Now with that being said this woman is trying to work very hard with her boyfriend / father of the child and they seem to be 1 unit yet the mother of the child seems to be a completely separate unit the only way it seems to actually work is when the parents actually come together and you have a little give-and-take there’s no right way to do this guy’s but you can’t just let the child run the house she has to respect that this lady the girlfriend the soon-to-be mother of her sister or brother is an adult and needs to be respected as such the father needs to step in as well and if the mom still can’t get her shit together and try and work things out to make everything easier on everyone I’m not saying she has to change I’m saying a little bit of rules and a little bit of discipline goes a long way
Stop judggeing this woman. She is trying to make it where she don’t repeat a grade and she loves that child even when the parents are bring selfish and not doing write by the child. She doing what is in the child best interest and out of love
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If dad has talked to mom enough and its clear no progress is going to be made, i would start keeping logs, getting statements from teachers, get attendance logs from days absent from school and try for 50/50 custody. Its hard to try to cram a weeks work of school in the couple days you have them. If you become the home thats no fun and they feel pushed, they will not want to come at all. There has to be enough playtime as well. Do what you can. Repeating a grade however is sometimes best for the child. All that bring friends and not a parent and spoiling them will catch up to her one day. But it needs to be dad who is taking the lead with his kids, not you.
Go toCourt with all the childs school progress and home recordings of said issues. Also maybe suggest a phycological exam on all parents and children. Hate to say this but maybe try to get primary custody if you are that concerned with their education.
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Why dont dad try to get 50/50 custody also ask for co-parenting classes, and sorry bit you are the girlfriend not the wife so really it should be coming from him not you.
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We don’t know everything surrounding this whole situation, and to tell someone to go to court for custody can do alot more damage here, as a product if divorce myself as a child and now a parent, step parents ( as hard as it is) need to thread lightly with pushing there opinions, ( even more so if your just a girlfriend friend, live in or not) yes u have one, but spoiling a child and not putting them in preK is not grounds for talking custody… dad needs to get with mom and maybe a mediator & try to work this out outside the courts to start…
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He and his ex need co- parenting classes. Sorry but you have no part in that. You stated S.O. not husband so it really is up to them.
He and the mom needs to handle it. And go to coparenting classes. She doesnt seem like shes spoiling the kids. What shes doing is not disciplining the kids. This needs to be taken up with both the bio parents. Have them set up a parent teCher conference
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Not all preschool help much on studies…
I wouldnt push a kindergarten student either…
That’s still a young child.
Please join Gentle parenting
Parent-Teacher conference with all of you ASAP is what I would do.
You all have to be on the same page regarding education. Repeating kindergarten is not a huge deal. Neither is the fact that she didn’t go to prek. Our district doesn’t offer it and it’s very expensive to attend it in our town. With that being said, you can be the “educational” household in the relationship. Meaning you can infuse this kiddos world with classical music, music lessons or other recreational activities etc. you can read to her often and run some math with her etc. maybe make it a game and not forced or become upset if she doesn’t get it. We don’t have some pieces that are missing, could this kiddo be special needs? Could there be something that is making her act out? If you want to reach out to the mom, maybe do it in a nice way, see if she would go get coffee or something together. A true test to see how things are going. It can always been stressful with exes involved… I think coming from a place of love for her kiddo is a good way to begin. Don’t tell her she’s a bad mom and failing her child! (Stating the obvious but it has happened to me!) maybe you can work together to support the kiddo. Also just because they are spoiled doesn’t mean they aren’t good kids. My kids want for nothing and are probably on the spoiled side but are good kids who are very academically advanced. 
Tell the children in front of her that you do discipline here so if the can’t live by your rules at your house, stay at your Moms. They will get bored and come around. There Mom won’t have her free time which won’t last long.