My step kids mom tells her kids not to eat my cooking cause it’s greasy but then she sends them money to eat wendys and they’ll eat it in front of my 4 other kids so makes them not want to eat my cooking now and expects me to pull money out the sky to afford fast food everyday. My husband doesn’t see an issue with it, plus he’s like legitimately scared of the kids mom too. It got to the point that she tells her daughter to tell me I’m not cleaning right, or I have no rules here. She basically tells me through her 11 year old I’m a shitty mom. And I don’t want my 4 kids brought up around this behaviour. I been with him 5 years never met the lady once.
My daughter had to deal with this same issue and she had six stepchildren, three of her own. Six stepchildren telling her what she would and wouldn’t do. Nine children all together. Her children started doing the same thing, thinking that was normal and they too could demand change. It didn’t work. They thought she was a bitch when she told them they would eat what she fixed or they would do without. Also, she didn’t let them snack if they didn’t eat what she fixed. It only took two days for them to begrudgingly eat. Hunger does wonders in changing a person’s attitude.
I would be stern and tell them “I am NOT a restaurant and you will eat what I fix or you don’t eat at all.” Someone is taking them to get that Wendy’s burger and that needs to stop. If your husband won’t back you up, tell him “you are going on strike and won’t fix meals for any of them, but they are not going to Wendy’s either.”
I would also talk to the mother. Find out why she’s so against her children having a home cooked meal. It sounds as if she is jealous of you. It took about a year or so for the children to fully come around and decide the stepmother wasn’t a bad person. In fact, two of them eventually asked if they could move in. When told there were certain rules they had to follow, they agreed. They finally realized the wicked stepmother wasn’t so wicked after all.
Well they sure as hell wouldn’t be eating Wendy’s infront of my kid . Wouldn’t be an option. Eat what’s given or nothing at all. Wendy’s isnt healthy. Guessing she doesn’t cook at home either 
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My step kids mom tells her kids not to eat my cooking: What can I do?
Yikes! Sounds horrible .
Why do you still allow this? He needs to grow a back bone and tell his ex to screw off.
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Sorry but your husband needs to grow a pair and stand up to the X
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Because fast food is sooo much healthier than a home cooked meal 
Sounds like your husband needs to stand up for you.
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RUN!!! Your husband has no backbone…this will not improve. It will get worse as the kids understand the art from their mother better…and practice it on their own…that is when it will get super horrible for you and your kids. You are in a no win situation.
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I would tell her at my house my rules and they get treated just like my own kids at my house. Your husband needs to back you up when his kids are there.
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If your husband isn’t going to be on your side to set the rules in “your house hold” then it sounds like you & your 4kids need to move on:woman_shrugging:
easy as that. 1,2,3,4 MOVE ON!!
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It’s crazy that you got into a relationship and had kids with someone but have never ever met their ex/your step children’s mother!
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Another red flag is you not meeting her yet. Yikes.
All of this is insane and bitter af from her
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Cook something with the 11yr old that she enjoys, then if the Mom complains you can be like “she cooked it🤷♀️”
At 11yrs old I’m sure she will start to see how petty/jealous her Mom is being… kids aren’t stupid.
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I’d tell him to grow up or his kids can’t come over until he does. He can stay gone until then too
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Lady? That would be a stretch!
You have to put an end to the fuckery before the fuckery ends you…
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You have a lot of problems here starting with your husband. Stay at Home Moms 
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Screw that. YOU ARE THE DAMN ADULT. MAKE THEM EAT YOUR FOOD OR STARVE ! TELL THEM KIDS YOUR HOME YOUR RULES. BREAK THE CYCLE
He needs to step up to the plate and talk to his daughter and tell her not to be saying those things to you and he needs to tell the ex-wife
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My husbands ex is the same. We’ve been married since the baby was 18 months and she’s now 13. She also grilled the kids about everything said during the visit, she ruined what was a good relationship between the kids and I. She’s the one who cheated on him with his best friend, you’d think that it was the other way around.
Tell her that while they’re in your house they will be expected to eat what you prepare!! She has no right to dictate to you besides I’d imagine that you ask for suggestions!! Tell her to butt out—it’s your home not hers and you prevail!!
She’s just being petty and that wouldn’t be happening with the food situation and the father needs to say something if it’s court ordered for visitations she can’t keep his kids from him so he needs to step up and say something that isn’t right that your kids have to sit there and watch them eat fast food all the time and they get none nope no ma’am that wouldn’t go on in my house and a child isn’t about to stand there and disrespect me in a home where I pay the bills I don’t think so your husband needs to be a man and stand up about this that’s going on and if he respects you as his partner he wouldn’t let you be getting talked to like that in the first place sounds as some entitled brats are being raised there and it’s time to put a stop to the madness
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Who bringing them Wendys? The dad and kid would have to go if he couldn’t put his foot down
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Oh, and build a bond with those kids…spoil them a little if you have to… explain to them they can love their life at both homes and noone has to blast to mom how happy and content they become with you
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If he can be weak for his ex, make him weak around you. Your house, your rules. Take away the money for fast food, they don’t want to eat? They can go to bed hungry. I wouldn’t let this peanut gallery of a woman run your home from behind the scenes.
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This makes me so sad because my step mom means just as much to me as my own mother. That being said, tell your husband he’s now responsible for making meals for his kids now etc. He needs to back you up or nothing will ever change. Family is everything and he needs to starting standing up for his. Right now. Missy needs to be put in her place asap.
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Your husband needs to stand up for you!!! This is a husband problem big time.
New rule in your house: no fast food. They eat what you cook or they don’t eat.
And you never met her?! That’s a huge red flag for me. At this point, there should be some sort of cordial relationship during drop offs.
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This a husband issue. He needs to handle the kids and eating then. He needs to get into therapy if he’s so terrified of his ex wife he can’t even have a conversation.
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Tell your husband that if the ex has a problem with your cooking, she’s welcome to pack meals. You don’t have to leave your house to go get fast food when there’s food there. As far as the cleaning, have a family meeting so that you aren’t painted as the evil stepmother to discuss it. If she said some rude shit like that to me she’d be scrubbing toilets and washing walls alongside of me. Bonding time🤷🏽♀️ His ex was his poor decision making and it’s a consequence that he has to deal with, not you.
Your house your rules if they don’t like it they can make other arrangement
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Ouch mama… Idk if your kids are his biologically it not but either way I’d tell him he needs to put his foot down or your leaving for your kids … you’re definitely right your kids do not need to grow up around that or they will be the exact same way.
He can not let his ex and his children disrespect not only you but your children as well.
If he sees no error in his ways you need to run
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Your house your rules. Kids are not the boss. Mom has no right to rules or really anything once the children are in Dad’s care. If you do not want that to happen, do not let it. Set boundaries with them. If they don’t want to eat that is their choice. That behavior shows that his children are favored over yours and that isn’t right at all. All children should be getting the same treatment not to mention that eating fast food on a daily is extremely unhealthy.
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I’ll be god damn if anyone will tell me how to run my house. How long has it been like this you married a man with kids without meeting their mother the one your husband let’s use her kids to belittle you…
Look into nacho parenting
Step moms get a bad rap, kids lie sometimes not always just to make the stepmom look bad, it happened to me, not as a stepmom, but as a grandmother. From my biological grandson
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Well why is his ex controlling what happens under your roof? Those are his children also and when they are at your home, they follow your rules and eat what you cook. Boundaries need to be established and your husband and you need to be on the same page/he needs to make it clear that she can’t and won’t control what happens there. The children need to understand that they have to respect you also.
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Tell that man to grow some balls! I would never allow my child to speak to my other half like that.
Any money she shows up with put in a jar. You’re not obligated to drive them to Wendy’s. Tell her it’s so she can save for something she wants and tell her once she gets to the amount she wants you’ll take her shopping. Other than that she’s shit out of luck, your house your rules.
Get the husband on board asap.
Your house your rules. Don’t take them to get fast food. Cook at home. Set boundaries and have hubbies handle it.
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I wouldn’t want my child eating greasy foods either. As far as the kids feeling comfortable telling you those things - that’s not okay. You need to have a talk with your 4 kids about not being followers and tell them to be leaders so that they’re not quick to mimic the step kids. You, dad, and their mom also need to meet. It’s a 
that you guys have never had a sit down
Why can’t she raise her own kids let let y’all raise your kids she should not raise those kids when there under your roof they should choose what they want if they want to eat your cooking let them if they go to her house let her do what she wants to do with them
You get in your car…go over there and tell her to make a sexual departure…finished…drive off and no longer tolerate that crap from kids, husband and least of all her!
Take back your power… you rock…makes me mad hey when a parent involves their kids into their sick world
Your a bonus Mom and maybe it’s fun to learn new ways…If you both could agree to this and look at the plus side…everyone wins…right
Set those kids and your man straight, fk that bs
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Ummmm he’s your husband and you’ve NEVER met the children’s mother??
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It’s your house, and non of her business…
and you put up with that why?
He needs to take control of this situation.
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Lol that’s a husband issue. If he doesn’t put a stop to how the 11yo speaks to you, don’t interact with her. He can cook for her, he can pick up after her.
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I would tell the stepkids that Wendy’s food is greasier than your food and they are not eating take out food in front of the other kids. Also, invite the step kids to clean after you if they think the cleaning isn’t being done to their mother’s standards and bring it up to where their mother thinks it should be. Then tell them that the new rules are that you don’t criticize adults and you do as you’re told. There are no separate rules for anybody, everybody is the same here and that’s that. We can have a good time or we can sit and pout. It’s strictly up to them. Then send the Wendy’s money back with them to their mother. Tell daddy that fair is fair and if he won’t handle it, tough.
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Since when is Wendy’s healthier than “greasy food”? She sounds petty
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I agree with your house your rules! The courts would side with it too! My ex and I are separated and what he does on his time is his buisness. I like to feed my son healthy, home cooked meals at my house but when he goes to his dads he eats nuggets, ff, all that stuff and it’s fine. Also kids are notorious for playing parents against each other to get they want (ex: Wendy’s) so that’s a big possibility. I would straight up tell the kids no special meals at your house they eat what everyone else eats. Maybe invite them to help you cook and set up for dinner to get them more engaged also
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Oh Lord your husband needs to grow a pair to start. But I would simply tell the child that she can save her money for when she goes back to her mom’s and she’s free to eat what I provide while in the home. 
You could also try to not make the food so greasy (if that’s the case) because kiddos are picky that’s life. Also as an adult, you can reach out to the ex and try to find a common ground for the children that are involved.
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It’s a huge red flag that you’re married and never met this woman. You should’ve been with this woman creating healthy living environments for everyone involved. She sounds toxic and as the woman of the house, speak up and on it. You should NOT be bullied by children nor their mama in your own home. Your husband needs ro grow a pair and support his wife and make rules. She can’t just take the kids away because yall are arguing, especially if theirs visitation rights through the court.
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My question is how are you even allowing another woman to run YOUR house? If the kids are too young to drive, how are they getting Wendy’s? And the ex sounds like a bully! If I was the ex, no way would my kids be staying with you unless we have met and have an in when it comes to the children! Girl take control because it sounds like your husband is a wuss. You’ll probably be surprised at the changes that can occur if you put your foot down!!
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Boundaries need to be set in place. The kids will eat what i cook n every kid will be treated the same. If real mom doesn’t like what goes on under my roof the place I pay for than she can make arrangements for dad to see them somewhere else. The mom seems to think she can control what her kids do at ur house. N that mom needs to be put in her own lane
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Your husband is a big red flag, he needs to grow a backbone… scared of WHAT? If visitation is court ordered she legally can not keep the kids from you, and how are they getting fast food at your house? Ordering and it being delivered or you/husband going pick it up? And if she/they can’t follow rules at your house then they need to have consequences, no tv there no phones if you help pay for it, no going anywhere fun until they start to respect you in your home…. Y’all both need to put y’all’s foot down, you with your husband and him with his ex!
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My gf kids dad tells them the same thing and I’m a chef. I just say ok I’m not cooking. Peanut butter and jelly. They get upset because they actually love my cooking and end up eating
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don’t cook for her, her dad can.
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Guess they will starve.Have them cook w you…
Make him take your step kids out to eat and they don’t eat it in front of your kids!!! Or don’t let them eat out period!!! Put lil momma in her place and tell her you don’t want to hear anything her mother says negative anymore!!! Put your foot down it’s your house
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bitter and childish, tell the lil shits straight, if you dont like it here sling yer fooking hook and take yer lapdog of a dad with ya End off
Your husband is the issue honey. You can’t stop her from sending money for her kids while thry are with you and their dad. Their father needs to address the issue. HE can for sure send the money back to his ex wife and stand up for you, but that is just about it. You need really let him know he needs to have your back.
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You ever thought about knocking on her door and talking with her like a grown adult instead of using the kids for he said she said bs …
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Oh hell no that would not fly in my house I would tell your husband he needs to do something or he needs to leave or you are leaving. That is not ok and very rude and disrespectful.
Oh no. Me and her would be having a chat. The kids wouldn’t be getting any other food and my husband can back me up or take himself and the kids out my life
While kids are with you the dad needs to address his kids behaviour. Kids are easily led, your husband needs to address it he’s the other parent.
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Tell you’re husband the 3 of your are sitting down and working it out. Have a police officer their if you’re worried about DV. Work it out. Tell her it’s your house, you’re rules. You will not stand for the blatant disrespect.
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When my bonus kids compared my home to their mom’s, I asked them if I had any say over what happened in their momma’s home. They said no. I said that I was the momma at our home (mine and their dad’s) and I decided how things were at my house. My husband backed me.
They knew they had this set of rules at their mom’s and this set of rules at their dad’s. Some overlapped and some were slightly different.
Bottom line - no other woman will tell me how things will be in my home, especially if she’s an ex who is being vindictive and not considering all children involved.
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I guess I’m just confused because your food is “ to greasy” but Wendy’s food isn’t? 
literally everything at Wendy’s is cooked in oil 
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Talk about a bitter bitch. Hubby needs to grow some balls. Sounds like my ex husband and his current. He is her puppet. She tells him how to do everything and how to not be a father to our kids. SMH. If hubby don’t see a problem with that then he needs to go too.
Um, your husband needs to man up and handle this. He’s the problem in this. Demand he put an end to it.
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First there no way i can be with a man who has kids and i don’t meet his baby mom before we even move in together. Then also how dose she know what your cooking looks like? 2 i wouldn’t get her child take out off she will eat what we are having.
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If that was what was happening at my house I’d cook food and if they don’t eat it they don’t eat. Eventually, they’ll give up. And it’s not abuse. You’re feeding them, just not what their mom has told them to eat. She doesn’t care about the food being greasy. She wants the control. And as far as the cleaning comment, I would act surprised and be like what? She’s here? I didn’t see her. And I’d make a game of searching the home for her. To send the Idea home that what she’s saying is absurd. And if you’re going to stay with this guy I highly recommend meeting her. Maybe you 2 will hit it off and she won’t be so jealous of you.
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Your man needs to fight this battle. It’s ur house. They eat what gets put on the table. Baby momm is bitter still I bet
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Nope. They eat what you cook or nothing. Don’t even allow the bags into your house. You and your husband need to sit down with the precious child and explain how your world works. You WILL do your chores. You WILL behave. Or there WILL be consequences.
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I agree with the other comments. Put your foot down and let them know your house your rules. Tell them you will not be disrespected in your home. And give them consequences. How are they getting Wendy’s? Don’t allow it to happen period.
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I would never let my kids be treated that way. I would be knocking on her front door. Tell her to stop mentally abusing her kid by having her say things. I’d tell her to woman up and talk to me herself. She’s a bitter baby mama that will ALWAYS cause you problems. Especially since your husband allows it. Honestly, if my husband didn’t step up to make the situation better, I would leave. I would not spend a lifetime dealing with that and having my children treated that way.
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The problem here isn’t the kids or the kids mom. The problem here is your husband. They’re as much his kids as they are hers and he sets the rules when they’re in his care and in his home.
You need to have a serious conversation with your husband. Kids are easily influenced and repeat what they hear and what they’re told. I guarantee you those kids don’t care about eating greasy food or how clean your house is. It’s all what they have been told and what they have heard from their mother.
Your husband needs to speak up!
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CO-PARENTING IS THE KEY!! I’m an adult an so is the other women. You should of met her already. Especially since your married. Communication is the key. You fix one meal that’s it. Sometimes with little we have to have alternative. But if they’re that old. Nope not in my house. The issue basically is your husband!!! He needs to put his foot down and you guys need to get together and co-parent. Would if there was an emergency in your care?!?! Never ever use the kids to commicate through. The kids our in the middle of something they should never be. Definitely not the kids fault
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You have a husband problem. There is no way those kids should be running your house. Y’all need to go to court so he can have mandatory visit and not have to be afraid she’ll do something.
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Your problem is with your husband. He should be insistent that his kids follow your house rules and all of you act together as one family. Until he mans up, you will continue to fight a losing battle and suffer endless frustration.
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I’d say they need to eat somewhere away from your kids. That’s not right. If they can’t follow the rules then I’d say they can’t be in my house. I won’t tolerate being disrespected in my home! I don’t care what what the mom says. My house my rules. I have a rule that my step son isn’t allowed to talk about his mom or what goes on at her house. Same for when he’s there.
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I would be having a serious conversation with your husband and tell him he needs to make this stop and change. If he refuses I would be going and having a talk with her. I would also be sitting all the kids down and laying it all out for them. Your house, your rules, your food. They want to be disrespectful they can go sit in their rooms.
Ummmm,they’re children who can’t drive;they eat what you fix or they don’t eat,the end.
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Nah, I couldn’t.
Whys he afraid of someone that makes a kid talk shit for them? 
5 years is a long time for all that.
Make your food, and don’t spend the money out. If they’re hungry they’ll eat it.
Are you taking her kids to buy that food? Cause I think that is more of dad’s job, he can have them eat it away from yours so it’s not in their face.
I feel like this is probably happening now because he’s always let her get by with it in the past. That’s your home though, don’t allow things in your space that don’t make you happy. Like a bitchy ex who has boundary issues and seems pretty jealous.
Someone is going to have to stand up to her and stop being afraid, or it won’t stop.
I would sit down and have lunch with her and talk about everything. I find it very odd that you haven’t met after five year’s. I would also sit down and have a talk with my husband
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5 years! And you haven’t met her? That’s NUMBER 1 PROBLEM FOR ME. How are you gonna be with someone 5 years and not meet them when they are the other parent of the kids you’re involved with?!
I am legit blown away by that. Especially since ALL OF YOU are involved in their lives!! I’m not saying share Christmas day and cookouts, but literally WTF?!
Number 2 - Your dude NEEDS to MAN THE FUCK UP! He can be scared all he wants, but they are not together and he needs to be respecting your relationship and your feelings and rules as well.
Number 3 - you aren’t going to be able to control what she says to her kids and honestly what she provides for or gives them either. But you do have options.
When she gives them money to buy food, DONT TAKE THEM TO GET IT! They need the ride there right? So no ride, no food!
There is no reason for it. Just because she says and does something doesn’t mean that you should provide the follow through at YOUR house!
And if their dad is taking them, that’s a whole other conversation about his respect for you!
Relationships with multiple children from other relationships WON’T WORK UNLESS y’all (YOU AND HIM) are working together(not you fighting and him being scared)! Sounds like he IS scared or whatever of her and again NEEDS TO MAN THE FUCK UP!
Your husband is an asshole … tell him to man up !!
I wouldn’t allow them.kids back in my house. Or I’d tell thw husband weather you say something. Or I will. Can’t be scared. MAN TF UP. BE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE.!!!
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I agree that your husband needs to stand up for you. That is NOT ok! Never meeting her in 5 years is a big red flag and then she makes assumptions about you in top of it. That is NOT a good environment for any of those kids. It’s y’all’s job to work together and raise those kids not play those petty games and put the kids in the middle of it. I would make it a point to go meet with her, without the kids but with your husband, and hash out the problems like adults for the sake of the kids. She sounds like a bitter woman and has no right to treat you or the kids like that. Whatever you do don’t play her game. Make a house rule that there is no fast food and they eat what is cooked. Your house your rules and your husband needs to have your back. Him not setting boundaries and being “scared” of her is the entire problem here I think. If all else fails start going to mediation and maybe a therapist can get to the bottom of it and help you all be better co-parents for those babies.
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Grow a spine make the food you always make and take the Wendy’s money to take all the kids out for a treat
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I’d leave.
My kids come first. Before any man.
If it’s going to effect your children negatively, and you, it’s not worth the agony.
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Your husband needs to grow a pair and have a serious talk with his kids mother and his kids. If he’s allowing his kids to be disrespectful to you all the time then he’s the problem! Maybe you should speak up since he doesn’t want to and tell those kids that they either eat what you cook for them or not at all. That’s YOUR house and they need to respect the rules of your house.
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If you don’t talk to their mum and your husband doesn’t speak to her how do you know the kids are not just making it up to get their own way, I’m not saying they are doing this but it is a possibility
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Well you tell that 11 year old child that when she walks through YOUR front door she is now at your house and you have different rules. Don’t forget you are in charge. As for the mom she wants her kids to eat fast food? That’s not healthy
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You have been this child’s stepmom for five years and you’ve never met the birth mom? Sounds like it’s time. You need to set boundaries or you’ll lose your house to an 11 year old. If she has a problem with you, she should address you herself. All she’s doing is teaching her daughter how to be manipulative and judgemental. That so wrong.
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Sounds like your husband talks about you to her…
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You can’t control what other people do. You are a blended family and you need to find a way to make it work regardless of you’ve met her or not.