Mine hates showering and would wear the same thing every day for the rest of her life. She is not depressed she just doesn’t care. She will shower at random if she’s going with friends but daily is a deep rooted struggle. I don’t get it she loved bath and cleaning as a kid but turned 10 and just didn’t care anymore.
Start a schedule/routine for “Shower Days” so that it is expected for her to take a shower the day of.
When she’s in the shower, let her have some free time to stand there and enjoy the shower, soap up etc… and then come in after about 10 minutes and check her hair.
Teach her how to brush her hair out with conditioner and a wet-brush in the shower so that it’s easier to comb through once she gets out.
You could also get her a little gift basket of “shower essentials” that fit her age group, so that she feels special and beautiful.
It might even be a good idea for an older role model to be introduced to her so that she can look up to a girl older than herself who isn’t her Mom… Maybe a 17-18 year old girl could come babysit and take her under her wing to help pull her out of some of these bad habits?
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I have an almost 13 year old and she will still randomly ask for me to wash her hair good!( She has long thick hair) maybe make it sorta a “spa day”? Take her out let her pick her own bathroom soaps, stuff like that?.
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If she’s depressed, give up on the lectures. They won’t help any. I have lived with depression from a super early age, and it’s awful. Just talk to her about it. I have episodes where I can’t even motivate myself to leave my bed for a week. 
Games are a escape from reality for us.
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When you have depression and anxiety (mines severe, idk where’s she’s leveled) your mind wants something to be in control of. It’s not that she loves to stink, or just wants to be on electronics. This is something she has control of, and by fighting with her constantly about it, she’s fighting harder to keep control. Really punishing her, and taking things away is worsening the problem. And on top of that I really hope you haven’t been verbal about the way she looks/smells because of her choice. That would be HORRIBLE, and completely push her deeper into depression. Let her make her choice and sooner than later she will get her hygiene back. Along with that, when she wants to do her laundry she will, she will get tired of no clean clothes eventually.
Make her take responsibility with things that effect the household non the less. She still should do her personal dishes and whatever else do to with the house.
I know this seems insane, burns really just let the power struggle go, it’s hurting more than helping.
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Tell her if she won’t shower you’ll sit in the bathroom and make sure she does 
maybe she’ll do the?
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When my girls get stressed, depressed, anxious, etc. I always offer to do it for them. I talk to them about how even just having clean hair will make them feel better. I’ve washed my 17 and 15 year olds hair repeatedly. And theyve cried while I have. Be very gentle and attentive. Show them you care. Make them a bath with bath bombs, buy them a cute pair of underwear, a new toothbrush, a new perfume, a fresh feeling face wash, etc. As an adult small things like that make me feel better when I’m overly anxious or depressed.
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Ok I don’t know how often you make her shower but I’d say pick your battles what is the worst thing that will happen if she doesn’t do something? The stress of that argument is not good for either of you. I guess it was easier for me because as a child I lived in a poorer country where everyone only got to have a bath/shower once a week. My daughter in middle school did the same thing, lied that she took a shower. It drove me nuts not that she didn’t shower but that she chose to lie about something so trivial. I talked to her about sin and that its not worth to sin to lie over a shower and then told her I won’t get upset if she at least showers once a week. She did that for a bit once better weather came and she spent more time with her friends she showered on her own like 3x a week. She didn’t start showering daily until she got a boyfriend at 17. My son is 17 now and will shower only if he was sweaty from chores or exercise or is going someplace. Since he does school from home this year then its not every day either and he’s fine. I heard about a man in Africa that hasn’t bathed in 40 years and his skin is still healthy. Find a middle ground with your child and give up fighting over trivial things instead look for ways to make her happy. Focus on helping her out of her depression everything else will come when she feels happier.
She may need therapy, or maybe she needs advice to help her make friends and to go out and spend time with them. Social interaction and support are extremely important at that age. My daughter suffered through depression in high school and attempted suicide once. That was the scariest thing ever and certainly refocused my attention on things that mattered. It actually occurred within 4 weeks of her getting into an antidepressant, she said it made things worse at first and made her constantly think about suicide sure enough that was a listed side effect. The whole thing was terrifying, therapist was helpful and i still watch her like a hawk for changes in her emotional state even though she’s not needed meds for two years now. Give up punishment for trivial things and approach her with love and desire to help with her struggles. Talk to her, ask her how she is feeling and how you can help her. I was surprised how those open questions helped me and my daughter. She would hide things from me otherwise but if I came into her room, sat on her bed and asked how what is going and and how I could help, she couldn’t help but open up, usually in tears. She really needed that attention from someone she loved. She no longer goes to therapy, says she doesn’t need it but I still do my part. I will always be her mother and will always remember how bad it was in the past. I don’t want to loose her to depression. I pray for her, if she had an argument with her boyfriend and is crying i will quietly come up and hug her until she stops crying and starts talking to me on her own. Its a scary thing depression, pick your battles carefully and focus on helping her out of it. Meditation is not a fix all step and can actually make things worse or not work as intended. Do everything you can to help her. Also calmly ask her why its easier to pretend to shower then to actually shower. If you have calm open and caring conversations with her you may learn what her obstacles are and exactly how to help her
I’ve worked with hundreds of children, this is an extremely common thing. Teens don’t think they have to do anything adults say and can make their own choices, do what
they want.
1st things they do is stop doing anything the parents tell them to. They start pushing serious boundaries, Depression or not.
That just going to compound the problem a and be a little harder to correct.
But being depressed or having mental issues does not Exempt them from keeping themselves clean and picking up after onseself. May make it more if a struggel but still necessary.
That’s just stuff you gotta do.
The basics of hygiene and picking up after oneself are important.
Just because a person has depression or is wired a little different does not mean we stop correcting that behaviour or teaching her better. We jsut need diffrent ways of doing it.
Therapy might be needed if she not already.
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Tell her just to do it once.
Fully shave; fully wash
Wash the bottom of her feet; in between her toes; shave her legs; armpits (other area)
Wash all over. Shave all over. Scrub her hair; make sure she does it twice. Hot water;
Put lotion on once out. Put some hair texture products in her hair.
Buy her a brand new outfit.
Do her makeup.
Do her hair.
She will realize how good it feels to get it all done and over with. When I was depressed as a teenage it felt good pampering myself fully all in one time frame.
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I was this teenager I hated showering I had no reason for it no depression no phobias I just hated having my hair wet and hated taking a shower I grew out of it and now have super amazing hygiene skills like skin care routines and everything lol
I can’t speak for everyone but hopefully she will be like me and it will just be a phase 
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Your daughter is going through something. Handle with great care please.
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As someone who suffers from depression (I am not currently medicated but I used to be), I can say basic hygiene is very much one of my struggles. Finding the want to get up and take a shower. To get up and do laundry. To get up and even just brush my hair. Its all a constant internal struggle. I would try talking with her and making sure she is feeling okay. Theres a chance her meds aren’t doing anything for her.
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It was explained to me online games are an escape from the real world when teens are depressed. It’s their coping skill. I was told video games are what facebook is to some adults. Kidos use discord which is one way they communicate with other people online. Also, some kidos have sensory issues to touch or some have phobias. Something a psychologist or psychiatrist can diagnose. She needs to be taught different coping skills. Someone else has to teach her independent living skills. If you try to she’s going to say you are nagging her and she’s going to resent you more. Try to get involved in what she does like asking her to explain what online games she plays. Ask her what she likes. Pokemon, manga, etc. Teens have their own online language believe it or not. We as parents need to understand their lingo inorder to better communicate. I can go on and on.
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Check on her mental health. Showering is so tedious for some with depression.
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Lol if she wants to walk around smelling like booty let her she will get tired of it
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Honestly, its the depression. Obviously the medication she is on isn’t helping.
Go get her better help.
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Have a routine schedule down for her stand there and make sure she showers . You may have to teach her how to brush her teeth or even do it with her . Also take her to see her doctor mabye he or she could help .
My son adhd and its like pulling eye teeth to get him to shower he’s 14 i feel your frustration
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She’s been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, that right there is probably why she’s like that. I’ve had depression since around 8 and there are periods where you just don’t care anymore but eventually you get passed it. Have her talk to a therapist, certain ages for me worked better with a therapist so be prepared that it might not work just yet or she could respond very well to it.
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Be patient with your teen. Depression is no joke and they are obviously going through something. Show compassion.
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My daughter went through something and it turned out to be a self-esteem issue. She now enjoys 1 hour showers and her water bill… mercy.
Instead of trying to force her to shower, which is obviously a difficult task for her right now since she’s struggling with depression, buy her some dry shampoo and water wipes. Let her know she doesn’t have to shower right now if the task is too much for her, but she needs to use some dry shampoo to keep her hair healthy, and water wipes to keep her private parts clean.
Don’t berate her for not having enough energy to do laundry. You’re her mama, she’s hurting and struggling, help her. Don’t make things worse. Do a load of laundry for her. Buy her some comfy clothes
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If she is on Medication maybe that’s specific one isn’t working for her and she needs a new Medication sometimes they don’t always work out and make someone feel worse thant they originally do.
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It’s the depression. Any good dr will tell you that. It’s not that she doesn’t want too it’s she can’t
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I would show pictures of bad teeth, broken teeth, get the dentist on it, show pictures of bad hair that hasn’t been showered or pictures of hair with bad knots etc. Worth a try don’t know though sorry 
Oooo girl I’m sorry I have no advice, but maybe speak with her doctor and tell him/her what’s going on, and maybe they can talk to her about how important hygiene is. It may be embarrassing to her and give her a push to do so. Hope everything works out.
You said she was diagnosed with depression, perhaps the therapy isn’t working.
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Talk with her therapist. Also. Stop giving things back to her. She would rather be on her phone or on games then wash herself? Then stop giving them back. They are not a necessity.
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Depression/anxiety comes in many different forms. Lacking in self care is one of them. Escaping their reality in games or internet is another form. Try talking to her doctor.
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stop punishing her stop stop stop, you said she is depressed pushing the showering isn’t going to help her. punishing is making it worse.
if she is on medication it will take time but you have to be supportive and slow or you will push her to where you don’t want her to go trust me. as a teen who had depression it’s a delicate line. get her into therapy and keep on the medication she will come back around.
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I have depression and anxiety… And there was definitely a low spot for me where I didn’t want to shower… I think too much in there. My medication is slightly helping with that and finally getting a proper morning routine. Sometimes switching the time of day when you shower helps… Showering before bed, etc. Maybe making up a bath for her instead (or herself) with a candle or music?
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Omg, sit un the bathroom while she bathes…hopefully she will hate it enough to wash properly. WTH is wrong with kids??? And yes take all her crap (electronic devices) until she can act more mature period. And dont cave in
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If she will go through all the trouble of pretending to have showered I don’t think it’s necessarily depression. You should speak to her therapist about this
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I would take all electronics and privileges away until she does what she’s suppose to, chores and hygiene everyday! When she does them, then she can have everything back .
Show her this . This is what happens when you neglect your hygiene and teeth and they have to be shaved to basically nothing and replaced .
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She has depression, thats her problem.
Like thats it. Medication can take weeks to kick in and work, if its been a while and still hasnt show any improvement I would talk to her therapist.
I wouldnt permanently take away her phone or games because thats probably what is keeping her mind at ease. Depression is a serious thing.
Go to the store and get some detox body scrub for her, it’ll help remove any dirty build up from not showering for a while, itll also make her skin feel nice and soft.
Maybe she views taking a shower as a chore? Get some candles, maybe a face mask? Show her how relaxing and nice a shower can be.
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I have Depression, sometimes when it gets bad my husband helps me, maybe do the same for her, im 27 years old and still struggle with simple tasks. My husband will run a shower for me, help me undress, wash my hair and body and help me get re-dressed. Sometimes its so bad I Dont even help. I just stand there. But he shows me he is there for me when im not there for me. Maybe try that? Instead of punishing her remind her shes not alone, remind her that no matter what happens or what is going through her mind you are there to help her when she needs it.
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Sounds like depression.
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Definitely speak to her doctor/therapist. In the mean time, a deep conversation about what she is feeling and going through works wonders sometimes. Try to put yourself in her shoes. There is something bigger going on. Hoping the best for you and your family
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Has she been evaluated for high functioning autism? (Asperger’s)
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I agree depression is a big factor, but I have a teen girl with neglected pimples and skin care where I’ve had to tease her about taking over to do it for her every night. I’d stand in the bathroom while she showered. And it seems silly now, but as a teen myself I was creeper out rinsing my hair in the shower because I’d expected a boogeyman when I opened my eyes. Too many scary movies, I thought, but my son wears goggles in the shower so he doesn’t have to close his eyes, lol. Maybe there’s a creep factor helping depression’s avoidance. Taking things away makes depression worse. I hope you find something that helps her!
As someone who just came out of a 20 day hospital stay for bipolar depression i can attest as to how hard it can be to bathe. Taking a shower seems like a huge insurmountable task. Talk to her therapist and by God stop pushing.
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Sometimes showering/brushing teeth is like a sensory overload if she is suffering with anxiety/depression… maybe find some other methods to help her wash when she just can’t cope with it. You can get dry powders that clean without water for skin and hair, and tooth brushes that you just pop in your mouth and they brush for you…even wipes would be better than nothing at all…obviously it’s not something you want to be a permanent thing but the more you support her the more she will feel ‘better’ and on these good days push for an actual shower etc and give positive rewards for doing so
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I’m wondering if her medications are causing her to not care about these things.
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Maybe take her and have her meds adjusted . what she’s on May not be working for her.
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as an adult with depression who’s in therapy and on meds, let me tell you a little something… Showers and self care are hard, video games/phones are easy and don’t take nearly as much energy… Talk to her doctor about your concerns and for the love of all you find holy stop pushing her because it’s going to make it worse. It will most likely throw her deeper into a depression (I’ve been diagnosed since 13, so speaking from personal experience).
Suggestion, a warm bath with Epsom salts, candles, and some music. Offer to wash her hair for her. Sometimes we just need some help, and support. Even in the shower.
My significant other will wash my hair for me on shower days my depression is bad, and truthfully I’m thankful for the help because in all honesty I don’t have the energy.
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Not bathing regularly is a definite sign of depression . However , I am referring to maybe two or three days . I would not mention hygiene to her another time . She will be made fun of at school and will then most likely decide she needs some grooming skills . Hounding her about it will only make her revel more . Do not punish her etc . Also , I hope she is in therapy . She really needs some professional help .
Maybe try putting on a swimsuit on her and help her shower. Like make sure she washes her hair correctly and does it all right. Being a teenager can be tough. Hope things get better 
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To go through the trouble of wetting everything but not the trouble of standing in the shower, doesn’t scream too depressed to shower. If you’re too depressed to shower, you’re usually tired and/or in pain. This seems like a different issue, imo. Is it possible she is autistic and hasn’t been diagnosed? Or perhaps she has some other kind of sensory processing disorder, or even OCD. People on the spectrum and with sensory issues may not like the feeling of the water, or they my not like certain types of clothing and will wear the same outfit over and over and over, even after they grow out of it. They generally don’t care for haircuts, or brushing teeth, or shaving either. If her anxiety has progressed to the point of OCD – most people think of the ultra clean, but it can also present as her thinking that showering will harm her or someone she loves. It causes irrational fears of doing or not doing regular everyday activities.
Ngl though, as the parent of a late in childhood diagnosed, high functioning child on the spectrum, this is a real classic symptom of autism. Get your baby help. She needs a second opinion on her diagnosis. If this is a new behavior, treat it like a new symptom. Girls on the high functioning end of the spectrum are very commonly misdiagnosed.
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Having depression and anxiety takes a bad toll on you. It doesn’t matter how bad you need to do it, you just can’t. It frustrates you but can you imagine how she feels? She already feels bad enough to the point where she can’t do these things on her own and then being dirty on top of that makes her feel so much worse, then being punished for it on top of that as well. Don’t punish her, don’t yell at her, treat her. Show her sympathy and tell her it’s gonna be okay. Give her a tight hug and tell her how much you love her and that your there for her no matter what. Work with her. She’s probably in such a bad place right now and she needs her mommy.
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Either leave the door open so you can exactly what she is doing or get in and scrub her down, her choice 
now when she is not in your house anymore then she can do w.e she likes…just my opinion
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How old is she…? It seams logical that this is something she feels control over, especially if she’s having thoughts and feelings that she isn’t able to express. She could also feel overwhelmed, anxious, or just dead inside. Antidepressants can really affect a teens mood in a bad way (their brain). Many kids will tell you after the fact that the medicine was worse than without the medicine. I would also have her vitamins, minerals, and a “proper” hormone and thyroid test done (not just TSH). Some kids are born with thyroid issues that go undiagnosed until it’s too late. Stop the Thyroid Madness webpage is a great place to start for that. Counseling may be helpful but I think it’s important that a child not be made to feel crazy. Especially, if they come from an environment where parents/family have issues as well. That alone can feel pretty helpless. And rather than confiscating the gaming I would just make a non shaming house rule (not a punishment) that the gaming is ok but before anyone in the house gets their phone, el tonics, etc., they have to shower and take care of hygiene first. Hopefully creating a space of trust (allowing them to get it right) rather than shame and or blame.
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My 13 year old son does the EXACT same things!!!
I just thought it was a teenage boy thing 
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I feel the hygiene part is also just teenage things, my 13 yr old SD is also the same way. I literally have to ask and ask to make sure she has taken a shower.
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So she’s depressed with anxiety & on medication & you just “expect” HER to change?? 
Perhaps put some time & effort into making sure she is ok, instead of stressing on what she is not doing.
Take her on a girl’s only shopping trip, talk about periods & sex, show her how to buy pads, show her how to pick out her own shampoo & conditioner, body wash, face scrub, body lotion & spray.
Buy some new panties & bras & socks. Get nail files & polish, a new hair brush & hair ties.
Make turning into a young lady a fun exciting thing. Do weekly girls nights where you tell girly secrets, watch cheesy romance movies, do new hairstyles & nails.
If you want her to change, to enjoy life, maybe make it enjoyable 🤷
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Limit the Wi-Fi. Can make schedules it shuts off at certain times
Depression. My daughter has it. It takes a lot to do the simplest things when you’re sad. Esp as a teen. The only things that bring her any joy are her online friends and games so I don’t take those away. She is in therapy and has a group once a week. It def got worse with school being virtual.
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Make it a daily task. So if you want her to shower before school, she has to shower, get dressed before she comes down for breakfast. If you want her to do it in the evening. Make it right after dinner and no games or phone until it’s done.
Check and make sure it’s done, tell her you will smell her breath and her hair to check
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Definitely depression. Please don’t punish her or make her feel bad because I’m sure she feels so bad already. Maybe her medication needs to be changed? A lot of depression meds can have an opposite effect on teenagers and an increase in suicidal thoughts, ideations.
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I would suggest counselling and not just relying on a diagnosis and medication. It’s surprising how many teens can be misdiagnosed and expect meds to fix a surface problem vs the the actual root cause. It’s frustrating, and it’s confusing because our brains are all different, but there’s a reason why her hygiene is suffering and she is taking extremes to fake bathing rather than just getting in the shower and saving time and effort. It didn’t have to be an obvious trauma or anything something there’s just a switch that needs to be flipped (for lack of a better term) and it takes some real talk therapy to get there.
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Does she have a smartphone and is it an bath/shower? Maybe instead of a shower she can have a daily bath and watch stuff on YouTube.
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I have depression and anxiety too. However I have so much anxiety that I have good hygiene…though sometimes my teeth don’t cooperate. But even though I’m on medicine…i still have my off days where I just am moody. Dont be a jerk to her and maybe talk to her. Sit down somewhere nice
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Sounds like depression…
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She needs more help managening her mental Health. Not more discipline
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i’m thrown off by everyone’s depression comments… she deliberately does things in a pretty smart way to not actually take a shower. she has interest in other things like playing games and talking with friends. this is not depression. this is either 1) i’m gonna do what i want and how i want. if this is the case-give her a bath yourself. tub of water and all, see how she reacts to you doing this. or 2) autism/sensory issue; i agree with Emily’s comment
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My daughter gets super mad when I ask her to shower but she does get up and do it there is just tons of attitude and she melts from the couch onto the floor. She is 13. I have never caught her lying about taking a shower just yet but I would look into counseling tell her if she is not going to shower then you guys are going to have to talk to somebody because this is signs of depression first give her the option and then I would take her to counseling
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Get her i councling depression is no jok and constantly nagging her just adds to it. It’s mental health issue no amount oo anything can make her care until she gets her depression under control. Try more postie things like mother daughter face wash night or facials, do each other’s nails she needs little postive things to help her over come her depression and hopefully it’ll encourage her to do better.
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Watch her shower If that’s what it takes
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She is depressed. That’s why. The energy to shower is too much. Or she is at a point she doesn’t care about showering or hygiene anymore. Talk to her about her intense feelings. Validate her feelings. Otherwise you will get nowhere.
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I’m glad you posted because I learned something. I never realized that it is difficult for people to shower and take care of their hygiene needs when they’re depressed. Makes sense though. I guess I would compromise with her as far as the frequency. You might want everyday, she might be willing to do it once a week. Allow her to make the choice as long as its reasonable and she follows through. Good luck…
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Show her pimple popping shows.
Persons suffering depression and anxiety have no motivation to do anything . It’s hard just to get up and brush their hair
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Watch her, make it fun, but make it known that at her age it is a must. Get cool bath bombs, or shower gels, sponges etc… They have to shower at this age no matter what and brush hair and teeth, all of the above. It is a must do. But if she is struggling, make it fun I suppose. I make them do it.
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I know that money is usually an issue with the following…but if possible I would start weekly or twice weekly visits with a LMHC who specializes in adolescents. Try picking someone who’s autobiography seems to fit with some of your concerns but also someone who you think your daughter will be comfortable with. Oftentimes, the LMHC can get stuff out of our kids or help kids understand things in a way that us as parents, just cant.
My son saw a wonderful LMHC as needed for a couple of years. I really do think it could help.
No matter what. I wish you all the best.
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A lot of young teens go through this faze of not showering. Let her know that eventually kids are gonna start shunning her, talking about her and picking on her because she smells. She will come out of this. Fighting with her is not gonna help. After this faze comes they are always in the shower or you cant get them out.
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The meds aren’t working, she’s still depressed. She probably needs the dose tweaked or needs a change/something added. Been there. Even the smallest of tasks are so difficult and exhausting. To someone else a shower may not be a big deal, but to someone with issues, it’s more than quickly washing up, it’s oh my god I have to wash my hair, use conditioner, it’s going to take forever to use a hair dryer and it becomes overwhelming. Make a deal with her. If she takes a shower at least every couple days, you get somethings to make the hard days easier and better for her to get ready fast. Facial wipes, dry shampoo, and body wipes (I used sensitive skin diaper wipes). With that stuff you can feel fresh and clean in 2 minutes and she’ll feel better but it’s not hard. Sometimes it’s literally too much to get out a facecloth and wet it - this is ready to go. It helps and it may make you feel better too knowing she’s doing something.
Act like you don’t care she will pay attention to you then
My daughter used to be the same. I would run her baths and showers she would refuse to get in them got to a point where she absolute stunk and it would be months in-between her washing. As she got a little older she started high school then she actually started to take care of herself
I think all teens go through this phase. It stinks. Pun intended.
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When you feel like shit, you literally just don’t care. She doesn’t care what you think, what others think, or really about anything at the moment. Either she’s still depressed or the meds have made her monotonous. Regardless, you being up her ass isn’t helping her and it won’t make a difference. Ask her what she needs instead of telling her what you want her to do. Take baby steps. If she doesn’t want to shower, okay, then at least brush her hair so it doesn’t get tangled, put in some dry shampoo, deodorant. If she doesn’t want to brush her teeth, give her some gum. Help her weather the storm instead of punishing her for it. Damn.
Anybody who says you need to watch her and make sure she does it is sooooo off base. This is a teenager with mental health issues, that requires some finesse. I was once this depressed girl myself. Now I’m 27 and finally have a normal healthy routine. I had no help to get there. BE PATIENT. I DONT CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES OR HOW FRUSTRATING IT IS. BE PATIENT. She needs constant love and compassion. Recognize and acknowledge her struggles. Validate her feelings and emotions and help her work through them healthily. I saw some comments about a mother daughter spa night thing. Make it fun! I whole heartily believe that positive reinforcement is the way to go in this scenario.