My daughter is 3 1/2. She has been going to the same daycare since she was nine months old. The past month her behavior has been horrible to the point that we have received letters and emails on a weekly basis and sometimes more than once a week! We have tried time-outs, we have tried rewarding for good behavior, taking things, toys, tablets, etc., away. The letter today stated if this behavior continues, she will be disenrolled. Apparently, she has hurt her classmates to the extent that the other child’s parents have called to complain and asked for a meeting with the director. My daughter’s father and I are not together and haven’t been since for over two years. He is on board with trying to help, but since I’m not in his home, I don’t know what happens there. We have been following the same custody schedule for the past year, with him getting every other weekend and one night a week. When I ask my daughter, she either says she was good and denies everything or says the other kid did something to her. Any advice would be appreciated!
What’s changed at daycare. A new child being a bad example? A new teacher? I would pursue that route first if nothing elsewhere has changed and her behavior is the same every where else too.
Find out what’s going on at the daycare, children doesn’t chance like that for no reason
At times things are happening with or at a caregivers home when children start acting up, I wouldn’t jump straight to that but I wouldn’t rule it out
Kids go thru a lot of phases too. My 4 year old is kind of going thru the same except he hits his self not other kids when he thinks he is in trouble…i told him when another kid does something he doesnt like to just walk away or I sent a little plush toy he could squeeze when he gets upset. The walking away has helped. Good that you and dad are on same page. Like someone else said maybe there is a daycare change? Mine skipped the “terrible 2s” and 3 was the rough age so hang in there.
I would find out what’s going on at daycare, and what they are doing to address the issue. A 3 year old
is cognitively incapable of piecing together discipline with actions that happened hours prior, so you trying to correct her behaviour at home, is futile.
My guess, something is happening at day care.
A friends child was getting the same letters & when she started showing early & spying, turns out some “adult helpers” weren’t being nice to her child.
That said, it could be developmental so talk to the director abt recommending a child therapist.
If you can, speak with her pediatrician about anything they may think could be wrong.
As woo as it sounds, research the child gluten study. It had some wonderful results.
There may not be a “one size fits all” answer so it may require research but you’ll feel better the more info you have. 
Will they let you go and observe? Best if she can’t see you but even if she does, it might shed light on what’s going on at daycare. That is a difficult age though for behavior
Do they not have cameras most daycares do . Maybe review footage to see what’s up and what might trigger her behavior.
My sons nearing 3.5 and is starting to become mean. Like pinching and biting. I think it’s a phase they just go through. But if all else id start with the day care of its only happening while she’s there
Oh dear it’s the terribles 3s but if you not seeing same behaviour at home then definitely something happening at school that upsets her.
At her age it’s a learned behavior. I’d wonder not about her but what is 1) happening TO her or 2) what is she seeing?
I someone getting angry and hitting her at home? Sounds like it.
I know this sounds crazy, but is she being challenged? Sometimes kids act out when they are bored and need a little bit more to keep her engaged? Maybe if she is able to move up classrooms that might help? Or possibly go on walks or help the director when she’s having a good day?
Please consider counseling.
I’d request to see footage of said behavior and go from there. Talk to your kid, the daycare, watch the footage with her other parent, and see what’s really going on.
What is said child’s diet like? That’s a massive factor believe it or not
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s a tough age. Consistency is key but again it’s a tough age & it takes time which per the daycare you don’t have 
Do they have cameras at the daycare???
Different teacher? New kid? Bully? Something isn’t right.
My Son - same story.
Changed schools - from 25 kids in a class where individualistic behaviour auses chaos with 1 teacher and assistant. To 6 kids in a class and voila - new kid, now he will recite a poem to people, he will say whats wrong or happens, and helps out instead of tantrums and isolation.
It could be impulse control. Adhd? Idk. Might be worth it to talk to your family doctor.
Need a new daycare. Smaller class size.
What types of things is she doing? You need to think if what she is doing is age-appropriate or if there is something more. Is she bored in her current class? Is she attention seeking bc she feels ignored or left out? I am a director and we do not just kick kids out for behaviors we do everything in our power to bring in outside resources have face to face meetings and conversations with parents. We do not write letters or emails unless it is necessary. I would see if there are any resources they can bring in to observe. There may be something happening her teacher isn’t seeing. Sounds to me like they’re just giving up without attempting to help or work with you
Don’t take what I’m saying in a rude way because im 100% not trying to be but maybe sit down with your child and see if there’s anything bothering her that she needs to let out or something like that, maybe something at school happened with another classmate that she doesn’t wanna talk about so in return she’s acting out. It might also be that you and your ex husband are divorced/sperated. That also might bother her too, just a thought. And I would definitely be asking the school if the other kids are picking on her or may of caused her to act out bc some schools single kids out, it’s sad but very true.
That was my son a few months ago. Come to find out, two kids were picking on him and his teacher and him didn’t mesh well. They changed his classroom. I was furious at first, however his new teacher is more his personality. He’s been great since. It’s also the age.
My daughter was the same exact way. She gets over stimulated easily when there is to much going on around her so she acts out because she can’t control how she feels with everything going on and she also has a little speech delay due to ADHD. When I switched her to a different daycare with less kids she is doing so much better and her bad behavior stopped
Maybe something is going on at daycare because my son was acting up all the time at his old daycare. When I took him out and put him some where new I dont have problems with him anymore
She could be on the spectrum
Can you go sit there with her for a day? That might help explain some things.
You asked a 3 year old if she is good thinking she has the ability to fully understand and make a response… I think you need to take a day off and observe her behavior there and make the right corrections. Sometimes they need to understand they cant get away with acting up when parent isnt around.
This is the TYPICAL toddler stage.
no one likes to consider it, but is it possible she is being abused ?
Have a camera set up
Thank you for reaching out…and i may reach alot here…something is going on…possibly abuse…but maybe her issues also…my 5 yr old had to be admitted to a psych unit…now she a sassy 14 yr old and i want to admit myself…is it possible something is happening there? Does she act like she dont want to go?
First I would request a meeting with the parents that complained and the daycare teachers all together. Sit down find out what is going on from all parties involved and then go from there.
My daughter was kinda like this. She’s only been to this one daycare. They told me the same thing so I had to think of things to discipline her. Cause you can’t really discipline after the fact that it happened earlier. So I decided to make rules and reward her. So every morning I would tell her like ok so school rules. No hitting, no pushing, no yelling, play nice, share toys, etc… and if she was good that week I’d take her to the beach or out somewhere… (she’s 4) going on 5 but also cause I worked so much she was at the daycare from 6am- 5 and not much time so I would try to get off work early here and there pick her up early go to park… I feel talking with my baby and making rules and plans help. Now don’t get me wrong I do spank her. But those things helped a lot. Maybe might help.
If a good child starts acting up it can be a sign that something is wrong. Now whether that “wrong” is something at the day care or something at the father’s house could be difficult to figure out. But you don’t need a disenrollment on your child’s history. Suspend their services till you can figure out what is going on with her.
Ask for a letter of concern about behaviour to take to ur doctor
She very well could have been bullied and now she’s out of wack
What might be happening at daycare? 
My default would NOT be that my child is the problem, no matter what I am being told. She was doing fine and now she’s not. You have to investigate with the thought that someone or something new has been added to the equation that wasn’t there before. Fight for your child. Even at this early and young age and stage - so called “typical” toddler behavior or not. SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT.
Ugh feel for you. I swear I had the best baby and toddler ever then he hit 2.5 and turned into a terror 
Is she in preschool or toddler classroom? We used to move the toddlers up to preschool a little early if they were especially mean to the other toddlers or difficult to manage in the class. Dis enrollment should be literally a last resort. Try and observe her we had 2 way mirrors and cameras at my center are there any things like that there?
Kids act out if they need more attention
She’s bored and the staff are ignoring her . Kids that age must be entertained, hands on activities. Babies are easier because they sleep most of time .
Regardless of what is going on, she needs to feel safe to tell the truth, and learn to be honest. I hope you get to the root of the issue regardless of the obvious behavioral problem at school. There may be more serious underlying issue to focus on, but you and your child needs to be on the same page first.
She’s just small and can’t really control emotions. Try naming the feeling with her and reinforce “use your words” 
she can’t communicate clearly at this age and my daughter and nieces brawled a couple times (they’re all between 5and2) but mostly it was they needed a break from each other.
Something has got her frustrated and without the right words, it leaks into behavior. The first suggestion would be to figure out what has changed. Maybe she’s being bullied at school, or mistreated by a teacher (daycare worker). It’s also possible she has a UTI which can cause strange behaviors in toddlers, and in the elderly. At 3, maybe if you ask her about it she can give some indication. I wouldn’t just chalk it up to simple misbehavior, and I would start asking the daycare about new employees, new children, other potential things they’ve changed, etc. and ask dad too. New girlfriend? Change in schedule? Ask him to really think about it, and not just answer that nothing has changed.
We experienced this with my with my 2 year old and it turns out the teachers weren’t paying attention to him and he wasn’t being stimulated enough. He was a completely different toddler all of a sudden. We moved him to another school and instantly was a completely different child. It broke my heart that he didn’t have the words to tell me and it took a month for us to figure it out.
What’s triggering the behavior. Sometimes at this age if they get frustrated an can’t communicate their feelings they sometimes lash out.
Do some pop up visits to see what’s going on when they are not expecting you guys to come. See if u and ur ex can switch it off.
Ok. Some of these comments…smdh. What is going on, is she being bullied, don’t always make your kid the bad person. No matter how someone is treated, it gives them no right to be mean and misbehave back. Shame on the parents who think that. And before y’all say I don’t know what it’s like. My child was molested by her dad and bullied to the point she wanted to die and started to cut herself and she still isn’t allowed to treat people like shit. Period. Bad behavior is never to be justified. Period. It’s only an explanation. That being said, have a meeting with the director with your child’s dad present. Your child needs to see you two as a team. Confront her in front of the director and her teachers. If she is being abused or bullied, then the director needs to step in. But do not have a meeting without her dad there. If she is being bullied, have a sit down with the other parents with her dad there, the director and the teachers. Yes, find out why and what is different and work out a plan with set displine. Make sure said discipline it’s the same at your house and her dad’s. If she is being bullied, maybe move her to a different daycare. Or explain to the parents that are bullying your child that if the bullying doesn’t stop, other measure will be taken. Being bullied or abused is no excuse to be mean back. Again, it’s an explanation as to why it’s happening. Stop justifying it. And her dad might just be thinking the same about you. He isn’t in your home so he doesn’t know what is happening either. Shame on some of you.
How old is the other kid at her father’s house? This sounds like a serious issue.
Hi! I don’t have much advice to give but I just want to say that I’ve been there and I know it’s hard. So I’m just offering support and love!!!
Have there been any environmental changes at home or school?
She can be acting out due to change in environment. My son was like that for awhile but that was due to the atmosphere he was in… his father and I didn’t get along for the majority of his life until a year (or 2) ago and he’s 4
You say that she told you that the other child “did something”.
What did the other child do?
Maybe this other child is continously bullying her, and she’s tired of it.
She may need preschool where the classes are smaller amd there’s more structure.
Daycare are profit based, so they’re overcrowded with the bare minimum in staffing. A recipe for disaster.
Doing something to another person negatively shows that it has a response involving her. Attention is attention to a child & even tho it can be a negative attention directed towards them, they still get attention out of it. That is 1 possibility but honestly there are many other reasons that can cause her to be behaving like that. I would personally do some good deep research on it being as you know her best so you can decipher what things seem to fit her personality wise or not & narrow down the possible causes.
If there’s been changes within the household, this can happen too. If you’ve been extra busy lately, and 1 on 1 time has lessened- kids can lash out.
Or there may have been changes at school. She may not be challenged enough there. Especially if she’s super bright.
Something has changed somewhere… it’s just a little hard to recognize where sometimes.
Make sure the daycare ppl are taking care of her properly, i heard kids act out for a reason… I never trust daycares
Probably because she is 3. Kids go through phases and stages. She is old enough to understand what’s wrong and right to a sense and I would just continue to encourage good behavior and teach her tools when she gets mad and have her teacher do the same. Deep breathing. Sitting down. Coloring. Taking a time out. But punishment after the fact is like spanking a dog after you found pee from the night before. I wouldn’t be too concerned
She is probly bored and doesnt get enough attention from the teachers cuz of the amount of students or maybe possible early signs of ADHD…had the same issue wit my daughter around the age of 5…turned out she scored a 9 on the adhd test …they tried to put her on meds and i refused cuz I’ve seen what the meds do to these kids…now I jus give her a small amount of coffee every morning before school like they used to do for my brother back in the day…we haven’t had any more real issues in over 6 yrs 
I can’t say whether or not its something she’s “seeing” cuz idk urs or ur babydads life or living situation…alot of ppl are quik to point the finger or judge …but i do hope u figure it out soon…good luck 
First off, she’s 3. She doesn’t need a tablet. Second, I know when my niece and nephew are naughty at daycare, my grandma goes up there and swats their butts. So now, all the director has to do is tell them she’s calling grandma and they behave instantly.
Maybe another child really is provoking her? Request to watch the cameras when she is acting out. See if the other child(ren) involved has done something. If it’s really solo acts of aggression it could be different things. Talk to her dad about discipline and what you allow or don’t allow. Make sure you guys are on the same page as far as parenting. In small changes from one home to the next could affect her behavior.
Ask her what happened to her.
I would say put a tiny bodycam on her and see if your daughter is being bullied or another kids are doing wrong with her, just an opinion… may be i watch too much tv series.
Sounds ro me like you have an inexperienced daycare provider. I don’t know of ANY 3 year olds that don’t push boundaries. See about what activities they provide to keep kids busy. A child that has something to do will rarely act out.
Put her in play therapist woth a registered psychologist. Something is going on mentally and it comes put as abuse to their peers. I was like that when little and turns out I was molested by an older family member. Things come to light in the strangest ways.
Maybe she is being abused at her fathers?
Sometimes it’s the adults who begin to treat the child differently which can trigger changes in a child’s behavior.
Is it possible the daycare provider has grown to resent your child? I’m not suggesting they are harming her , but maybe they are less tolerant of her/her behaviour due to an incident or something out of her control.
I’m a teacher in a daycare. It can be something very small in a child’s environment to set off behavior changes. My suggestion is to sit down with the teacher and come up with a plan so that things are being routinely done the same at home as they are at daycare. Communication is the best you can do. Discuss triggers, mutual discipline and set goals for all to reach. My oldest child has ADHD. He did not harm other children but he was very much a handful when he was younger. When he started “big school” teachers were frustrated how involved I was in his IEP and his daily routine. Start now do your research and learn tips and tricks because not everything is going to work but eventually something will click. Work with the daycare. Not against them.
Spankings worked for me
Something is definitely wrong somewhere
Is she talking yet? Talk to her ask her why she is doing these things. Maybe kids are being mean to her first and now she is sick of it 
If she says someone did something to her, do you not believe her. I don’t think I’d ever tell my kids their lying unless I was 100% sure they were if you just blame her when she tells u it’s someone else she won’t trust you to tell you things when she is older
That’s just with her age group, they like to push the boundaries. Especially if they’re not kept busy, to them attention is attention and many children her age don’t process emotions that well. If she’s hurting other children something should definitely be done, change of environment or not. I’m pretty sure the other parents aren’t too happy with their child being hurt bc of the changes she may be going through. I would definitely talk to her teachers to see what triggers her behavior. My child got spankings at that age and still does. I’m not suggesting it, bc I know not every parent believes in it, but when he started acting up all they had to do was tell him they were going to call me. And a new child would come forth, he’d be in his very best behavior
It happened to my step kids. Anytime they came home from the other parent house they go crazy and do absurd things. After a few days and some major interventions, the kids finally settle down and go back to their routine. They were more free to do whatever they wanted at their other parent house versus ours. It took 3 years to get them on the right track behavior wise but their grades are horrible due to the lack of routine and discipline elsewhere.
Then listen to her, somebody’s doing something to her that she does not know how to talk about. I know this by experience, take her to her therapist if you have to
Yes.ask for video of what is happening.I have found more often then not adults lie.an a 3 year old wont remember events from that day. in less it was severely traumatic.An some times it just depends on the child.Point being.you want evidence of what they’re saying is happening . they have to have cameras in that place for safety reason.An why are you punishing a child after the fact.If it happens at school.It should have been handle there. Don’t people realize that children don’t retain memory as well as adults do.wt in mins after something happens they move on.so punishing your child after school instead of right after the incident kind of redundant .they are not really learning anything because they don’t know why they’re being punished.
Your daughter has been there since 9 months old but have the same caregivers/teachers been there as well for that long?
I worked at a daycare & I will say that some times kids act act more around a close friend. Maybe ask if your child has someone they act out more around? I would highly suggest asking to review cameras for the day because the teachers may not be watching them as well as they could and ur child could be telling the truth a kid could of took a toy from your kid or hit ur child first.
Ur child could always be bored with the learning/playing style or could be feeling ignored by the teachers because many teachers does show favorite’s and could be one of them situations that they do not get onto the favorite kid and getting on to your child instead
Youll have to pull her out… best for everyone…
See if they can give a 1 on 1 to evaluate her. 9/10 there is something triggering her behavior. If they can have somebody (even if it’s a college student doing their labs in that daycare) just watch her for one or two days (without her knowing she’s specifically being watched) you may be able to see what triggers the behavior. It could be another kid, it could be if they’re trying to learn letters/write that that specific activity is setting her off. If it is something like writing she may be dyslexic and that’s why she’s acting out cause it’s hard for her. She also just could have a behavior issue or add or something that she gets bored and triggers it. Also, if she feels like she’s not getting attention unless she acts out, it could easily be her way of getting attention at school because negative attention is better than no attention (current struggle with my almost 3 y/o because I also have her 5 mo sister). If it is an attention issue than I would say to tell them try to ignore behavior as much as possible and only give attention to good behavior.
Does your child get enough sleep at night? Also, does she constantly change teachers? Have you asked her? I need more. My 4 year old was having problems. I realized he wasn’t getting enough sleep, he struggled with having a different teacher, and he had a kid in class that acted the same. With extra sleep, separation of the other child, and working with the daycare the situation has been resolved.
Ask the people at day care if you can stay and watch her with the other kids? But don’t let your daughter know you are their. Or if their is a way you can sit in your car and watch? If their are windows. Good luck!!!
My son went through the same thing. He got kicked out of daycare at like 3 years old. He was eventually diagnosed with ADHD. He struggles a lot with impulse control and just reacts to things without thinking. He is not abused and has a great co-parenting home life where Dad and I are split. Don’t let these people let you jump to scary conclusions. Your baby girl might just have trouble controlling her little emotions. Just schedule an appointment with her pediatrician and let the professionals help you.
Something must be triggering her, sometimes it’s a teacher, a friend of mine had her daughter’s teacher caught for bullying her and pinching her etc Is she crying when she has to go to school in the morning? How is she on weekends?
I agree with Denise Bartholomew . Something else is going on and she’s acting out. I wouldn’t be necessarily punishing her for her behavior without finding out what’s triggering it. Maybe have her talk to your doctor or a child psychologist.
Have you requested conference with teacher? What’s provoking behavior. Or when does it escalate? Is it only at school? Is school a learning environment or simply daycare?
Could always ask the daycare to have her evaluated (ADHD,ODD, ETC) If put in writing I believe they have 30 days to do the test, could also ask for a Vanderbilt from the drs. It may not be the case at all but by doing so it may prolong her being kicked out plus gives you the opportunity to see if maybe she needs some kind of therapy for something she may be struggling with. It’s hard to tell when the kids are so young, it could be just a phase or it could be a sign to something new.
Sometimes some kids just do stuff, and maybe it is because something is wrong at home, but I have 2 kids, nearly 6 years apart in age. When my son, my oldest was that age, he was the kid that kept getting bit, and I do not mean lightly, and he could tell me who did it. Skin was broken, mom worked at the daycare, and said my son was lying. Of course we pulled him out. However, when my daughter was in the same age range she was the biter, and I handled it. If she is being aggressive at daycare she will eventually show it at home. My daughter started biting me at home, or at least tried. She only tried it once, and after that, she never bit anyone again.
My son acted the same way. He ended up being removed from one daycare and placed at another temporarily until I could find somewhere else for him to go. I took him to his pediatrician, who referred him to a psychiatrist. There he was diagnosed with Autism, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD. He qualified to get into pre-K through an ESE program with the school district. He now also sees a therapist to help with the behaviors.
I suspect something has happened or been said, atmosphere between adults can be a very strong young one, even if they don’t know why things have changed.
I used to work at a daycare and sometimes the parents would say if you are good today when you come home you will have a special treat. This was sometimes a sucker or a cookie or something that they would try to work for. When the child was acting up I would tell the child I guess I will have to tell your mom you don’t get your treat today and the child would change their behavior immediately. I think rewards are so good and it doesn’t have to be big and extravagant. I don’t think it’s fair to say someone is doing something to her. I know there are many sad cases like this but I also know that daycare is an incredibly stressful place for a child. You don’t have your space and there is always a kid trying to take something from you. Parents think that their kids happily play together all day but that is far from the truth. The teacher is often overwhelmed with so many kids that there leaves very little one on one time. If you aren’t already giving her a lot of attention could she possibly be trying to get negative attention? I know many kids from the daycare I worked at who had great parents but would punch kids in the face and cause nosebleeds or tackle them etc. There could be many factors, so I personally wouldn’t jump to she must be being abused.
Is she being abused in any way, physically, sexually, emotionally? Kids dont usual start acting out for no reason…
Also, you trusted him enough to create a life together, trust him enough to raise that precious life!
My (now) 9 year old ended up suspended multiple times and eventually expelled from her daycare at 18 months old. She was the kid that would bite other kids, even went so far as to bite another child on the face! I felt absolutely horrible. We had the same situation as you where it was split households however I will say that she was eventually diagnosed with ADHD at 5 which completely limits her impulse control. What ultimately ended up helping was putting her in a much smaller daycare so that she could be closely watched and they couldn’t do that at the daycare center. It was literally my last option other than quitting my job. At the end of the day though she is a super bright, polite, good hearted little girl she just struggles with certain things. Good luck!
I agree with Shirl! Something is happening to your daughter that you don’t know about, whether it is at school or at dads house she is acting out because she either wants attention or she is seeing it somewhere else. I had the same problem with my daughter, our director actually asked my to get her evaluated through the pediatrician for behavioral or other concerns. Talk with her. Ask her why she isn’t nice to her friends and teachers. Explain that you need to be nice. Talk with dad and see what he says, don’t accuse him specifically, it could be the daycare too. I recently changed my daughters daycare and she is a whole different child. She is talking more, and telling me about her day. She is counting more and starting to read. The new daycare was definitely a blessing for us! Use your instincts mama! Hang in there!
She doesn’t have the same teacher so I would explore this 1st especially because your ex was supporting you inquiring!!!
Stop with the diagnoses and hibber jibber. She’s mimicking other kids but she’s just going too hard. Ain’t nuttin wrong at home.