My toddler is very angry: Advice?

Hi, I need advice, my son has just turned 3, and when he is angry, or doesn’t get his way or is told no, he hits and slaps. He has never been spanked, hit, nothing of the sort, so I don’t know why he’s always done it. We tell him, “No hitting, that’s not nice,” or sometimes we take toys away, but nothing seems to work. Any tips?


No tips no . I do make them make eye contact . But I also sometimes just give them hugs and say that’s not ok

My son does the same thing and he’s 4, he’s been doing it a while and won’t break the habit.

If you’re holding him then say no hitting and put him down.

My 3 year old is the same way and my therapist recommended 123 magic.when they do something wrong you give them 3 warnings then sit them in time out and keep doing that and eventually they will learn time out is what they get when they are misbehaved and it should help.we are starting it this weekend


Hell I just throw myself down and throw a fit with her. You should see the look she gives me. And she shuts up real fast.


I broke my daughter of that habit before she turned 1. Everytime she hit, I pinned her arms to her side, looked her in the eye and said no hitting. After about a week it work. Never had a problem since.

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Maybe try spanking him worked great for many generations


Whip his little bottom one time … make a believer out of him … I’m a great grandma and I know things lol


Give hugs, have him go be alone if he needs time to calm down, continue to take away if necessary. If you come at it with compassion and help him learn to manage his anger (which is a life skill he’ll need as an adult), he should come out of the hitting thing. Contact really does help, but sometimes they need time to cool down first. My oldest daughter will always have anger issues, but she has learned so many coping mechanisms and she is perfectly behaved around people. You also have to keep in mind that home is their safe space, just like when youre grumpy and the worst side of you comes out when you’re at home. The goal is the help them learn coping mechanisms to take into adulhood.


My 3 year old started doing the same thing :frowning:

The awnser you seek is in the question you’ve asked. :rofl:


Tell him “No hitting” firmly & stop whatever y’all are doing (holding, playing, etc) He will learn quickly that hitting is a negative behavior

If you can read his body language before they hit, catch their hand as its coming, look them straight in the eye, and tell them that we don’t hit. Its okay to be angry or frustrated but that isn’t how we express ourselves when we are. Then give him options like talking about why he’s upset, if they need some alone time playing with a toy/fidget spinner to control themselves, and remind them that if they won’t do either than they can sit in time out until they calm down.


Consistency :red_circle: what you allow will continue :red_circle: I’ve raised 83 kids ,ranging in age from 0-16 ,from all different backgrounds and if they came with tantrums… they didn’t have them along

As long as the rules are clear, when he acts out you can put him in an isolated timeout spot until he can be safe with his behavior, like in his room, or another childproof safe space. Then you hold the door closed, but stay right outside. You have to make sure you can monitor his safety, of course. Tell him when you put him in there that when he is done being unsafe he can come out and serve a consequence for his behavior. Then after you have discussed and enforced the consequence, you make him apologize and you discuss coping strategies he can use next time instead of hitting. Also start a chart with stickers, and reward him immediately for using his “calm down strategies” when he is upset, and also reward him daily for not hitting or acting out all day. Then at the end of the week set aside a special time to go over the chart and see where he did well and where he had problems. Then you try to think about better ways to get his feelings out, or ways to avoid common triggers, so there is always a plan in place. If he has the tools and chooses not to use them, it’s more productive to punish that behavior. If he doesn’t have healthy coping strategies in place, it’s not really fair to punish that behavior. Not everyone can control themselves like you think they should.

I swat their hand. Tell them no. Or put them in time out

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My three year old also does this. I take away toys and put him in his bedroom for time out

Our pediatrician said hit back. If they get hit when they hit they find out it hurts and stop… This instruction came from the pediatrician. But hey all who don’t want to hurt your child. How about you set them down and explain that they should save all their hits for you and dad when you are home. And they get a hug and a present for every good hit. At least that way everyone else’s children won’t be hurt by your child’s smacks.


You cannot tell a child no hitting and then spank his ass. That is so wrong and mixed messages. If you need to resort to hitting to get your point across re evaluate your parenting.

Because hes not been spanked. The Bible says spare the rod spoil the child. Spank his butt. Hes 3 for goodness sake


Your toddler is frustrated because he can’t verbalize his emotions or control them. State the problem “you’re frustrated because ____”. Then tell him how he can express himself. “You can’t hit people, let’s stomp like an angry dinosaur instead”… or “take a deep breath and count to ten”… etc. He will get out of this phase shortly just as long as you continue to not spank him and encourage him to use his words.


I never advocate physical violence, however one swift smack on a bare backside will stop it asap.

  1. Young children are…implusively physical beings. Acting on emotion is a natural impulse. They dont have to be “shown” these things to develop them.
    It’s even more prominent in children who do not have many actual words, tantrums and acting out physically are their greatest forms of communication and they use it.

So. The first thing is “evaluate” your child. Is your child struggling to communicate something to you? If they’re needing something then try to meet that need BEFORE they meltdown.
If they’re wanting something, walk away from the tantrum until they calm down. Show empathy. I know you’re angry but we cant/you cant because…
And try to offer and alternative if possible.
If he wants chips maybe offer an apple instead.

Honestly this may not be the “correct” method for your child. I’ve found every child is different. This worked perfectly for my oldest.
Does not work for my youngest. Youngest is a little more difficult because he’s got sensory issues and so that drives him a good amount of time.

Time outs are a good option if they’re done consistently and appropriately.
Give a warning. Action continues, say you did x after you were told to stop so you have to have a time out and sit them in the spot. If they get up Set a timer for 3 minutes.
Either restart or pause the time if he gets up. Silently move him back.
If he screams (and he will) just ignore it until time out is over.


My son was the same way. We had to correct his temper and explain to him that he can have feelings but lashing out was a no no. He has gotten so much better !

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Hitting is wrong. Speak to your Pediatrician I have 5 children and 2 of them have mood disorders so hitting them would never help… Mood disorder comes of almost like bipolar it’s very frustrating good luck

The Bible says spar the rod spoil the child. This means spank on his buttocks.


I make my 3 year old use his words. I will tell him no we dont hit, its not nice. And i tell him to use his words. He has to explain his feelings to me before i will talk to him. He counts to 5 and takes a deep breath and then he will tell me.

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It’s the same thing that’s wrong with all the young people these days they didn’t get enough of the spanking too learn to do what their told kids they just sit back nowadays do as they please play games on videos or on phones they need to learn and what they do there is consequences for their actions being a '70s child I know what switches were for and we definitely did not want one of them kids these days have no idea what a switch is


Big mean scary voice. Be startling but don’t be genuinely terrifying. “Knock it off, that’s naughty!!”

My son tried to do the same when he didn’t get his way one day… I spanked him and ignored him while he cried to get his way. Ever since then he hasn’t tried it again.


Hitting can be the way he feels. What I mean is think about when you are angry you feel this rage and sometimes we want to smash something etc but we have had years of learning coping skills and recognizing that feeling. Give him words for his feelings. I know you feel angry we said no. When you feel angry instead of hitting us let’s try to talk about it and get these feelings out. As a parent it’s super important to express your feelings and model appropriate behavior. So if you feel frustrated you can say I feel frustrated that there are toys on the floor after I told you to pick them up. Let’s pick them up together also vocalize postive feelings you are feeling. He needs to learn to recognize what he feels inside him. Also I don’t believe teaching a child not to hit by hitting is beneficial


He’s three. He doesn’t know how to cope with his emotions. So teach him. Ask him, tell me what’s wrong. Then tell him what he can do about it. Admit sometimes you get mad and want to hit something, but you can’t, so this is what you do instead. If he cannot say, suggest you just hug until he feels better. Show him how to cope.

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Ask him why he is mad. If he cant verbally say it give him options. Kids can definitely understand emotions at that age but not always how to deal with them

Communicate with him. He understands more than you think. When he hits you, ignore him. Turn your back. Walk away. Do whatever to ignore the hitting. Possibly say “when you’re ready to talk mommy will be happy to talk to you, but I won’t talk to you when you’re trying to hit me”. When he calms down, communicate. He is learning to express his emotions. Hitting him back won’t help no matter how many people say it worked for their kids. It only makes your children afraid of you and expressing their emotions in front of you.

Beat his ass! I have four very well behaved little girls! That have never hit because they know it will result in a spanking ! Stop treating these kids like they rule your life ! YOU ARE THE ADULT they are children you are to guide them in the right way and right now you are teaching him just because he’s mad and upset that he can hit he doesn’t care about those toys! You have to show him you are disappointed in him! That’s where it hits home spank him and then do not give into his whining crying! You are showing him that hitting hurts!

Take ever toy away. And make him earn everyone of them back with good behavior. One toy at a time.

Like my momma always said,
Terrible twos Tiresome threes and F#$kin fours


I personally send my 4 year old to time out twice. When hes still acting rude, disrespectful, attitude or whatever then we aren’t talking about it anymore! He’s getting a spanking. If his fit gets out of hand from that he finishes crying and calming down in his room. When he calms down he comes out and apologizes and has to tell me what hes sorry for in his own words. That way its not just a routine and he is actually thinking about and learning from his mistake or misbehavior. Boys are tough and hard headed but they can be taught!


Frustration, cant verbalize yet.

Sign him up for Karate or something like that it helps with the anger

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Whip his ass. Not hard but like you mean it

My three year old daughter is the same exact way. We don’t mind her throwing the tantrum but as soon as she becomes physical or disrespectful she goes in timeout. At the end of timeout I sit down and make her keep eye contact with me and tell me why she was upset or explain to her why I said no and we also talk about name calling and hitting or kicking/ breaking items isn’t okay. I do 3 minutes because she’s three :woman_shrugging:t2:. If she’s still being disrespectful while in timeout her time starts over. I don’t ever put her in timeout for tantrums or melt downs just because she’s not at the age where she can comprehend disappointment yet and that’s her expressing herself. Just like I wouldn’t want someone to punish me for being upset. We’ve been doing this since she turned three in November and she’s getting a lot better about expressing her distress.


Teach him his words and take his stuff away he likes

Check out big little feelings on Instagram. They have good tips.

My child is 3, since she was old enough to understand we did gentile bops on the butt with stern “no” at eye level to redirect behavior and she is a beautifully well mannered kid. I now just give her the eye or ask her if she wants a spank and she immediately corrects. She did go through a hair pulling phase, and when she did it to me I turned around and gave hers a stern yank, that was the last time she pulled hair.


Smack him back. My son learnt the hard way that it hurts. Saying ‘ow’, taking toys and time outs didn’t work with him.

My son stopped hitting.


Be consistent and patient. It’d a phase that will pass. He doesn’t have the full language yet to say how he feels. He doesn’t see why he can’t do certain things if he sees others doing it, and the fact you’re the adult and he’s way too little doesn’t matter to him.


I don’t have to spank my 4yr old. I mean I WOULD if it got us anywhere other than total meltdown. Each kid is different. (Mine is going for official autism testing. As soon as the doctor calls us to get him in )

I’m still learning the difference between his meltdowns and his tantrums and that’s a whole other issue.

Once it’s pushed to a certain point (with yours it needs to be the first time he hits) you take him and do deep breaths with him. (I usually put mine in my lap) Just in through the nose and out through the mouth.

I sometimes have to get a little silly with it to get mine to engage. This distracts them and calms them down enough to talk about what’s going on.

It usually goes “Do you feel better?” And he will tell me yes or no, if no then we keep breathing (he can be silly with it but he needs to do it correctly a few times too) if he says yes then I ask “Why are you mad/upset” and just push a little bit and see what’s wrong.

Once you find out the issue (sometimes they don’t know and that’s okay too) you come back with “I’m sorry you feel like that, it’s okay to be angry but we don’t hit, it isn’t nice and it hurts mommy/daddy(whoever they hit)

Then you make him apologize to whoever he hit then lots of loves and tell him how proud you are that he was able to tell you what was bothering him, for using words.

I sometimes see mine get angry and I just watch and I’ll hear him say “Mommy, I’m taking deep breaths!” And regulates himself every once in a while

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If you do smack hi when he hits you it might shock him . And he might learn that hitting isn’t nice


Hitting him back won’t help him. Kids do this out of frustration because they can’t speak how they feel yet, this is a phase almost all kids go through around this age. Tell him no hitting and redirect, help him building his communication skills, the faster he does that the sooner this phase will end. He has a lot of big emotions he’s still learning how to cope with.

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Check their diet. My oldest has issues with food coloring especially red 40. He would go from fine to angry fits of rage with what seemed like super strength for a small child. Removed food coloring and he was a lot better.

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Welcome to the world of 3 year old, I’m a mum of 5, my boy will cry if he drops something, cannot bend over to pick it up needs the bathroom light putting on the list is endless, also check for e numbers and stuff in his food my daughter use to have rages when eating custard creams the cheap orange fish fingers ect good luck

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My some is almost 2 and does this and idk what to do. He gets popped on the butt sometimes. But he has slapped me and his dad in the face numerous times while being mad. Telling him no and redirecting him doesnt work either

I spanked my kid when he hit me…the if you don’t like it done to you don’t do it to anyone else tactic worked like a charm :woman_shrugging: old fashioned I guess but it got the job done and he doesn’t hit anymore :ok_hand:


We learned that positive reinforcement worked better than spanking. For every day they didn’t get in trouble they would get a prize. Doesn’t have to be big just something they like. We have 5 kids by the way and this definitely works.

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My son, who’s not quite two yet, used to do this ALL THE TIME! We would either take his hand and gently place it on our faces and say no hit, hitting is what bad little boys do, and your a nice little boy. OR, I would simply tap his hand and sternly tell him no that he is never to hit someone. He still occasionally does it out of excitement by accident, but mostly keeping with the soft hands or a stern no and light tap helped