My wife has stage 4 colon cancer: What should I do?

For eight months, I’ve been taking care of my wife which she has stage four colon cancer. These are her last days. I sit next to her as I watch our two girls play. I think about after she passes what I’d like to do. Her brothers haven’t helped out once, and I’m frustrated with them. They could at least take the girls out; they are ages 9 and 12. I’m want ing to cremate her and have her in a wooden earn with a picture. It’s cheap, and cemeteries are expensive, along with funeral ceremonies. If they helped out with payment or offered, I’d have a nice funeral. After all, not many people could make it. What’s your advice?

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Do what your wife would want you to do, whatever that may be.

Nothing wrong with cremating. You can include the girls in choosing an urn or they can scatter ashes where they would like. Do not worry about what anyone says if you do decide to cremate. Your money not theirs.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My wife has stage 4 colon cancer: What should I do?

Do what makes you and your daughters feel better. To Heck with her relatives!

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You should make
Sure she doesn’t have a preference as to how she would like to be laid to rest. Then go from there. So sorry your going through this

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You do what’s right for your family.

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Ask your wife. Have a talk with her and then do what you feel is best for all of you in your heart​:purple_heart::nazar_amulet:many prayers sent your way​:pray:t3:

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Why dont you ask your wife

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Do what’s best for you and your daughters you have final say

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That decision is your wife n yours no 1 eles-God bless u n ur kids-stay strong 4 them

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It’s your decision. Do what’s best for you and the kids. I wouldn’t care what anyone thought about it.

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I’m so sorry you are going through this and my heart goes out to you :heart: fuck cancer! It has taken too many good people. Make sure your girls get special moments alone with their mom. Not everyone gets to say goodbye :cry: breaks my heart for your wife and girls

Well one she is still alive. So I suggest ask her now while she is here what are her wishes.

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Talk to your wife, then the two of you decide what’s best and doable for your family, no one else matters… I’m so sorry, sending prayers🙏

:grimacing: no advice prayers for you and your family! This is why
I stess the importance of life insurance! This is so heartbreaking hopefully they help you and your family deserve to be able to mourn without added stress! And she deserves to have a beautiful service! I pray they come around!

When I die I want my ashes mixed with a planted tree. That way I could “live on” and my children can come visit me if they need me.

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You have to do what’s right for you and your family. We did the cremation and had a small celebration of life/last ride.
You do what would make you and your girls feel fulfilled fuck the rest of them,

I think you and your wife definitely need to sit down and talk about what she wants and what you want

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So sorry, sending Prayers for you and your daughters :pray:t2:

When I go My son is taken some of my ashes and having it put in a tattoo…I say you just enjoy all the days you have with her…ask her what her wishes are…and video her in the conversation so there is No miscommunication with the relatives…

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Damn that hurts man! Be by her side and love her as hard as you can. Damn man I’m so sorry

If your wife told you what her final wishes are then follow them. If she never had a preference then do what’s right for you.

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Have you asked your wife what she wants? Her wants should be the most important, it is her body after all.

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Do what you think she would want. You are her husband and caretaker. It’s up to you. So sorry your going thru this. Prayers for you

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Well sorry to say that’s her last my uncle was at stage 4 and just passed July 2,2021

I had a celebration of life for my parents, both cremated, & will be making a memorial garden for them. Plant trees not headstones :pray::blue_heart:

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Talk to your wife. I’m sure she will agree with what is best for you and the girls

Praying for you , it’s a difficult decision !

Praying for your strength :pray::pray: Talk with your wife, it’s between you & her. Hold your kids alot…it’s extra hard on them. Your strength is what will get yall thru this
:pray::pray:

Can you make a go fund me I would love to donate.

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God bless you and your daughter’s you do iit as a family

do whats best for your family

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Do what is right for you and your family :heart: I’m praying for all of you :heart::heart:

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My son was murdered almost 2 years ago at age 25 . He never wanted to be put in the ground . Ask your wife what she wants . We cremated my son that was his wishes and when his now 3 year old wants them he can have them . I’m sure your daughters will want their momma as well .

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As a funeral graduate, do what you want. Cremation is becoming more and more common. You need to be able to live after her passing, and take care of the girls; no reason to overspend for a funeral when you can have the same memorial service with her urn. Speak to the funeral home if they have suggestions for children- if you don’t do a memorial stuffed animal with some of your wife’s clothing, have a clothing quilt made. There are several funeral FB groups and if you’d like let me know, you can copy and paste this in the group and have hundreds of funeral professional make suggestions

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I would ask your wife if she’s still able to communicate. Maybe include your daughters in on the conversation and do your best financially to meet her requests :two_hearts: your brother in laws could be grieving in a way you don’t understand which could be why they’re distant or not helpful, maybe with time they will come around. Praying for you and your whole family :pray::heart:

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I’m so sorry for your loss. Do what you think your wife would want

I think you should do what you feel is right and what you feel would make your wife happiest in her after life. It’s not about anyone else and what they think. It’s you and your daughters peace of mind knowing you did what you felt she would have wanted.

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My brother was creMated and we had a nice service and it didn’t cost that much

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Funerals are for the living
Don’t put yourself into debt to make people you don’t like happy
Your kids will appreciate the ashes at home with a nice photo
Take lots of photos in her final days so your kids don’t forget even when she tells you not to take her photo

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Personally, I do the cremation. Maybe add some ashes into necklaces for the kids when they are older. I had a friend request to be have a portion of her ashes placed in a teddy bear for her son after she passed but he was only 6-7 months old.

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My mom wanted to be cremated she said don’t waste that kind of money. We also had a memorial service/celebration of life.

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I see alot of people saying ask your wife, he said she is in her final days, maybe she isnt responding anymore for him to ask her. Funerals arent cheap, I would do what’s best for you and your family.

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When my Mama passed of cancer she told me whatever yall need to do afterwards is for yall. Prayers for you.

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Creation is only way to go now days especially if you don’t have much money…u do what u feel is best and what your wife would of wanted… I had my hubby cremated 4 yes ago it was cheaper and that’s what he said he wanted so we did that I kept some his kids have some we put him in river he wanted cus he loved fishing and his son took him out to sea with him on ship and dumped him there and up to the up in the woods as he loved the woods,camping I took some put under his favorite apple trees on his families property where we camped all the time…so I’m sure he would be happy .so u do what ur wife would of wanted and I wish you all the best :sparkling_heart::pray::pray::pray::sparkling_heart:

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do what you can afford and makes you comfortable

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Do what is best for your family. 21 years ago my husband actually picked out his own coffin and where he wanted to have service when he had stage 4 cancer. It was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. I wouldn’t talk to your wife about it unless she starts the conversation. I am certain it is not an easy thing to do.

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Do what is right for you and your kids. Do nothing to appease people who aren’t and haven’t been there for you.

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My mom died of stage 4 colon cancer in Jan of 2020. I had her cremated, her urn costed $100 at the funeral home but I saw the same one online for $50. I had her a memorial service at my aunt’s church. It was very inexpensive. The church ladies made all of the food

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Talk to your wife, not us. If she is able, so that she can have a say. If she doesn’t want or can’t. Ultimately, do what is best and more convenient for you. You still have like girls to take care of after.
I’m so sorry you and your daughters will lose a wife and mom. Hugs

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I have no advice but big hugs to you and the girls :heart::heart::heart:

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So sorry for your pain​:pray:t4::pray:t4:

Do the cremation. Scatter the ashes some place with meaning for her or both of u. Sorry for what u r going thru.

Spend as much time with Her as You can. Tell her how much You Love Her. Let her know You will keep her Memory Alive for You and your daughters. Comfort Her. XO.

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So very sorry for this awful situation. Can she tell yuo what she wants? What would provide the best “closure” and support for your daughters. Cremation is perfectly fine. If you have a church affiliation, they may help you set up a memorial service and reception. If she has friends, they may help pull things together, My love and prayers are withyour family.

Prayers for you and your kids and wife

I’m just here to say prayers to you and your family! Also make sure your girls spend time with their mom!! My mom passed when I was fourteen and those last days are soo hard but also the most precious moments.

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I think you should ask her what her wishes are if she can communicate with you . It doesn’t have to be a big funeral , can just be close family & few friends . If she is cremated you should ask her where she would like to be spread or buried . I think if your daughters don’t realize how serious this is then they should be told right away . I think this conversation needs to be between you & your wife and what her wishes are . :heart:

I personally want to be cremated. Have a talk with your wife you can still have something at the funeral home with her ashes or you could get your girls necklaces made. Prayers for you and your family :heart:

Sorry for your situation. May you both find comfort. Both of my parents (both passed of cancer) donated their bodies to science. A selfless gift for studies. They cremated their bodies and returned the remains to our family. Their is no cost to the family for their body donation.

When my dad passed away in March we just had him cremated and bring him home.

Do you have hospice helping you, They can provide assistance in care , medications,and planning. Ask you wife what’s she wants,a lot of my patients were cremated and had a beautiful service too,May God Bless

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Look online for an urn and the necklaces. It’s much cheaper

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So sorry your having to go threw this ,its not easy,this matter of how to handle things after she passes is up to you and your wife is she is able to let you no ,My prayers are with you and your family,

You need to get life insurance for you and your girls. I wish you would’ve had done for your wife and this wouldn’t even be a question. Please get life insurance.

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Prayers for you, your wife, and your children. I can’t imagine what you are going through.

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Do what is best for you and your children.

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Many people I knew were cremated and had a nice memorial service.

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you do what YOU can do. Ask around, speak with hospice, they often know the cheapest option for cremation. Keep some ashes for a necklace for you, and the kids.

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Talk with your wife about these things unless she’s unable. Sending love :heart:

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Do what you and your wife want and that being near you.

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If your wife is able to communicate her wishes with you, do as she wishes. But keep in mind that funerals are for the living. If I were in your situation, and that was my husband, I would try to spend every possible minute with him and our children, and when he was gone, I would do cremation, with a nice urn and then instead of a funeral, I would do a celebration of life, which you can do at home or a local community building. If you do decide to do cremation, see about something individually for your daughters that hold their mother’s ashes.

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I just want to say how sorry I am that you and you’re kids are going though this.

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Sometimes family suck!!! Do what you feel is best for you and your girls. A “nice” service is for the family and visitors paying their respects not for the deceased… when you feel the time is right take the money you would’ve spent on the service and take your girls on vacation. Sending you strength, peace and light.

Cremate and have lockets made for your girls. :heart: Also instead of a funeral, have a celebration of life. Remind your daughters of all the fun times they had with her, share pictures and memories. Keep her alive in their memories, that will do infinitely more than a nice funeral and burial.

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Look up living tree urns

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My heart goes out to you all. Praying for strength and comfort❤️

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Do what brings you peace. Please as soon as you can get grief counseling for yourself and your babies.

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What are her wishes??

Do what you think will be best for your daughters in the long run. I think having somewhere to visit” a loved one can be very beneficial & help with the healing process. :white_heart:

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As for burial, it’s best to find out what she wants. I think everyone should have a choice in what they want. My family is well aware that I do not want to be cremated. As for funeral, I think it’s important to have some sort of service for closure for those that are living. It’s difficult for a lot of people to find closure with no funeral, and your daughters, you, and her family and friends deserve to have that opportunity. Even she deserves to have a funeral or memorial service to honor her memory.

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Do what is best for you and your children. You are the one with her and your will need to go on without her. Cremation is a hood choice. We had both my parents cremated but still had ceremonies at your local church, so others can bring food and just do the best YOU can.

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First a virtual hug to you. I couldn’t imagine going through this.
If she is able to, discuss with wife what she wants.

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Don’t beat yourself up. Whatever you think is best and what you can afford. I will say being they are girls and if your do cremate her, be sure to get some ash and place in a necklace. That is something they can cherish. And realize people are selfish in their own ways. Hold you and your kids even tighter! And be there for those girls always! :heart:

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Do a go fund me!! Those some times help. Ask churchs im sure they help. Sorry your going through this. Dont know you but im sending good vibes to you an you girls an wife

So sorry to hear about your wife prayers for you and daughter.I totally understand where your coming from I lost my husband of 23 years to brain cancer in 2019.He lived 6 months after being diagnosed.I thank God he had a 401 k to cover is final wishes.As for his sibling I haven’t heard from him in 2 years not even a call to see if I needed help with anything. His brother didn’t even congratulate his niece of her college graduation this May.You could ask her sibling if they would like to help pay for her final expenses but dont be surprised if they dont offer

Don’t expect her family members to help… do YOUR best to do what you can afford to do and do what is best for you and your girls.

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Make sure your girls have life insurance so something like this never happens! I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. No matter what you do, make sure it’s the perfect choice for you and your girls.

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So very sorry your having to go thru this with no support. You do whatever you can afford to do. I had my husband cremated an a memorial service was held in my family’s backyard. It was quite a crowd, alot of tears an laughter. My husband would have loved it all.

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Some families don’t believe in cremation. I would talk with your wife, if she is able to talk or some how communicate with her to find out what she wants. Also that’s why it’s a good idea to have life insurance.

Cremation is great. It cost me 3400 for my mom and a beautiful glass canister for her. Looks nice in living room

Also you could get thumb print lockets for necklaces or key chains for you all. Prayers for your family

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So sad you are all going through this

Firstly I’m so sorry to hear this news my heart goes out to you all,but specially your daughters who are far to young to lose there mum, it must be awful and it’s going to be hard for you 3 , how shocking of family not to want to help even for you to have some time with your wife that would mean a lot just you two!! Maybe have some jewellery or a locket made for the girls or a teddy bear made out of there mums favourite clothing or something, so sorry again :revolving_hearts:

you might want to look into it before she passes - sometimes it cheaper to pay for it before she passes

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I would just concentrate on today….prayers…and peace…

We got my fathers ashes to spread while on vacation. (His request) He fought 8 years with colorectal cancer that had spread. I was 12 when he passed.

Do what’s best for you guys! I’m so sorry to hear about your wife but also want to say thank you for staying beside her! It’ll be hard for the girls too just focus on you and the girls now

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She is your wife and her wishes is all that matters along with your children