My wife told me that she thinks she is gay and has been having secret phone conversations with another woman. She says she loves me. I am her best friend and her person. She says she needs time and space to tell me what she wants. She keeps making remarks about she doesn’t like men. what do I do. Please share but keep me anonymous.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My wife told me she thinks she might be gay: What do I do?
Well you need to sit down with your wife and talk and give her some space and time.
Maybe you can work something out.
A lot of times some women wants something different in their life’s.
All you can do is support her in what ever she does.
I know it’s hard .
However put your self in her shoes and think what she would say or do if you came out and said that.
How would she react .
Some women would get mad and go off on men .
Then you got others that would listen to what their love had to say.
It’s her way of letting you down easy. Let her be herself. If you can be friends during this transition, all the more power to you
You sure it’s a female she’s talking to and not just an excuse to cusion the blow of you knew it was a man.
Just realize you are giving her time to find out who she is if you agree. She may sleep with a women. You have to ask yourself if that’s what you want and what you deserve. Your feelings are important to
At least she’s being honest with you. All you can do is give her a chance to experience it and explore this. If she really is lesbian then obviously she didn’t know before she married you and if she realizes she isn’t lesbian then maybe she’ll come back to you but you never know unless you give her the opportunity to figure it out. My fiancé’s first wife turned out to be a lesbian and they had 2 beautiful kids together before she realized it. Doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Everything happens for a reason.
If it is really ehat she feels try to give her some space and make some for yourself too.
Maybe she needs time to figure stuff out, she might also be bi. Still try to be nice to her und give her love and affection.
In german we have a quote: (free translation by me)
“If you love something, let it go. If it really loves you, it will come back and if not, you havent lost anything at all”
My advise would be to support her choice if you really love her. Maybe you would feel comfortable having an open relationship. Whats the difference between having a “best friend” or a “girlfriend”? Sex? Maybe you would be ok allowing her to explore? I think you guys need to sit down and have a serious conversation about what you both want in life. Good luck
Then sit her down and look at her straight in the eyes and tell her that no matter what you love her and your wish is for her to live her authentic self.
It will hurt letting go but you will find your true person .
Coming out fully as Gay or even Bi is so hard and many family members turn their backs and spew hatred. Let her know shes safe with you and although it hurts it will hurt more if you 2 aren’t truly happy .
If she is telling you she doesn’t like men, leave immediately! Sounds like she doesn’t want to be with you but lacks the courage to outright say it.
Take your pride and go.
If you truly love her give her the space to figure herself out. She may not be gay. She maybe bi.
Don’t take it personally. It’s not slight to you are all. Alway be open and honest in your communication and never attack her for feelings.
The heart wants what the heart wants. Just be sure when you step out on your husband you are ready to be gone for good and dont come back to fuck up the new situation he may most likely be in. Everyone deserves to be happy and no one should hold you back if They care about you. But That being said if you are interested in The attention a new person is showing you take time to consider that A. They are single for a reason B. This is the kind of person who would knowingly get involved with someone who is already in a relationship. Two huge red flags for me.
Tell her to invite the person over and have dinner with her meet her and see how they react to each other. It may be she is just curious. Tell her how much she means to you and you understand but you want to be by her side as she takes the journey to find her self that way if its not for her she still has you. Everyone is so fast to say leave her but what if. You said she thinks she may be that is not a yes I’m gay its a maybe. Some women go through a faze where they are not sure. It sucks because your married but at least she came to you and told you. Take the journey with her and support her if it turns out she is gay at least you know shes not leaving you for another man.
If you guys still sleeping together talk her into seeing a gynocologis check on harmone imbalance and also see a psychologist and marriage counsellor. If no sleeping together anymore then prepare for separation and stay as friends if you wish and move on.
This is only my opinion but if she loved you she wouldn’t be having secret conversations with another person be it a women or a man especially if its sexual or flirting conversations or even emotional she is going outside of yalls relationship. My opinion would be to call it quits and good luck
I thought this was a nail Inspo page🙃
Either get a sex change or suck it up. Tell yourself at least it isn’t you specifically that she doesn’t like(spoiler warning: it’s probably you); comfort yourself by thinking at least another man didn’t replace you, do whatever you gotta do–but suck that shit up.
See if she wants to haves threesome. Shit your gay too for women
I think it took her a lot of courage to come to you and that alone says alot about her. It may hurt but peoples feelings do change. If it’s not too painful, be her best friend as she looks at you and move on looking for that woman who only had eyes for you. If it is too painful, explain it to her, I’m sure she will understand. Then start your road to healing your broken heart. I wish you luck in your situation though!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My wife told me she thinks she might be gay: What do I do?
Document everything, get a lawyer file for divorce and kick her to the curb. Sorry bud but it’s how it is. Coming from experience. You will be happier when she is gone because you gonna stress out about this and it will hang with you forever.
Cut ur loss and move on, why be her 2nd you make the choice to leave.
That’s a tough situation to put your heart and mind in. Sorry that has happened. Glad she’s honest now and you can prepare yourself to move forward and work on your future without her in the way you’ve planned life. You deserved to know so you can go on to what path will allow you to enjoy life. The Loss of stability and love may be hard but with telling the truth, this helps your ability to grieve and give forgiveness to get through it. Give her best wishes and start healing yourself.
There isn’t really about you. It’s about her right now. Leave her to explore this feeling and be the supportive person to be there if the situation calls for. Have the serious talk of what she wants, speak of a mutual respect of the marriage and what it is other than space she would like from you. Tell her what and what you arent comfortable with and see where that goes. Curiosity is natural and thats all it may be. Perhaps she goes through this and discovers she is actually bisexual.
Don’t ever be someone’s 2nd choice, let her be gay, go out and start again who wants to be someone’s sloppy 2nds, pack your bags, put on your shoes and walk buddy
You’re married, you support her in her self discovery, prepare yourself for dealing with her emotions as well as your own, and you decide together what the next steps for your futures are. It’s called handling adult situations like adults. When you love someone and build a life with them you support their growth, you heal and you do your own growing. This whole cut your losses and kick her to the curb shit is immature and selfish
I don’t think this came out of nowhere. Chances are she has felt this way for a very long time even before you but to be how people thought she should be she hid it. This is no way your fault this is her finally coming out to be who she has been for a long time. That don’t mean she don’t love you or care about you cause that you can’t fake. I’m sorry but as hard as it is you need to be happy as well an not in competition for her time you should always be a priority.
You sticking around for her decide if she wants your or a women.
She stepped noutbthe relations hip the moment those words left her mouth save your self brudda.
Get a therapist that deals with LGBTQ issues. One it will help both of you explain your feelings better. Join a mixed orientation marriage group theres many on FB and they are every welcoming.
I know a few couples that have still stayed together after their reveal but its taken alot of work. They are gappy.
At the end of the fay its up top you two where your marriage will end…Be thankful she tells you instead of finding out the hard way. I wish you all the best
The main word here is might be gay. She might just be tired of men’s crap!
I really hope I don’t get alot of backlash from this…but she’s cheating… Male or female…it’s up to you if you can overlook it and move on or leave… Are you supposed to wait around till she figures out who she wants? Evidently it’s not you ,or there wouldn’t be an issue,right? Make it easy… I’d just leave.🤷
But that’s me.
Move on as friends. Find another be happy
Cheating is cheating. She’s having an emotional affair with someone else, I would leave.
Why does she get to call all the shots, while you sit confused and heartbroken on the sidelines? You BOTH have a say in this. And only YOU can decide whether or not you want to continue in this marriage. Right now, she has admitted to being confused about her sexuality, as well as verbally, mentally, and emotionally cheating on you by secretly conversing with another woman. She may say she loves you and you are her person, and she may really mean that; however, if she does decide to stay with you, and she no longer pursues other women, do you think you will ever be able to trust her again? Also, do you think that her confused sexuality may come up again in the future? There may be more to your relationship that we know of, such as kids, a joint business, a house, etc., but please don’t let that deter you from making choices that are good for your overall well-being. I wish you luck.
Tell her you support her and divorce her. If she’s gay, she’s gay. Let her be and move on with your life. It’s sucks, cause people suck.
My question to you might be, do you have a carry permit?
Then feel lucky she’s gay and she chose you . That what I tell my hubby I’m bisexual and prefer woman over man but he should feel lucky I chose not a man nor woman but a person and that person is him .
She’s having an emotional affair at least - signifying problems in the relationship- and may actually be gay. You both have to decide what you want your marriage to be. Do you want to just be friends/ each other’s “person” , lovers in an open marriage or committed and monogamous among other options? From experience, you really CAN’T have it all. Good luck. I’d start with counseling and continuing to be honest with each other about your wants and needs.
!maybe get a strap-on ?
If she’s gay she’s gay. There’s nothing you CAN do. The time & space she needs is to think about wether she wants to lose her best friend. You. It up to u if u want to stay in her life or not but be glad she was honest & told u. Some never tell or wait years down the road. Also this is about her yes but it’s about u too. You have a right to feel confused, sad, blindsided. But don’t be “blind”. Now u know. Time won’t change what she’s feeling. Move on & find ur happy while she’s discovering who she is. Best of luck.
You don’t give your ages or if there are other contributing factors. Are there children? And it IS about you as well as her. Learn all you can about what’s driving this, just as you would if she were "secretly talking " to another man. Stay focused on coming out of this healthy in mind, body & spirit.
Help her pack and move on…she can’t just keep you and continue to go both ways…walk out…move on …let her go
How about y’all find a honey that likes it all and have a polyamorous marriage? It’s limitless as to what can happen with this one. Just don’t knock her for being honest with you. It’s probably that fear, that has kept her silent about her curiosity.
So she’s cheating on you. Divorce time
This could be a dealbreaker, hon. You have to sort out for yourself if you are willing to wait to see if she will sort it out In your favor. Your choices are to wait for an unlikely reconciliation, or to try to except and find your new normal. It’s a loss, feel free to grieve
she just can’t say that to you, what if it’s the other way around. You have to save yourself and leave her
Let her go. She already knows her truth.
Sometimes people say they need time only bc they’re scared of making a definite move of separating. Obviously every relationship is different but if she’s already talking to someone else before even talking to you it seems she’s not interested in making it work …
She is telling you it is over. You better start building your mental defense for what is to come. Walk away it will feel better than her walking away from you. There are many ladies who are not gay who need a husband.
It won’t be the first time a married person has come out as gay. You have to face the fact that your relationship is pretty much over.
Its not her that needs time and space…it is YOU…who needs time to decide if you want HER.
Support her as her friend and partner. If she’s unsure of her sexuality and is actually coming to you and communicating with you about it, you must know that means she does love you. She loves you and feels safe enough to come to you in such a hard uncertain time. The worst possible outcome that can happen is that you two decide to separate. Yes it will hurt, but it’ll also give both of you a chance to find the happiness you can’t receive from one another. If you love this woman enough to build a life with her then love her enough to be the friend to help her find herself.
This is one of the reasons why I feel it’s important to have friendship or kinship before love.
Shes emotionally cheating on you and knows it would hurt you and still did it. And it has probably gone on for awhile before her guilt kicked in and she told you. You have every right to be feeling hurt and confused. You shouldn’t put up with her “Secret phone conversations” period! The fact that she hid shes into females from you and has a life with you and went to another female instead of you goes to show her disloyalty and betrayal in the marriage and her lingering thoughts about other females. Your wife might’ve said along the lines of “I was scared of what you might say or think” its still NO excuse to hid things and emotionally cheat You need to figure out if you’re okay with her being bi or gay if you can move on from her emotionally cheating on you. Since shes wanting time away from you to figure her own emotions and sexuality out let her have that time leave her ass split up with her and tell her not to contact you until shes figured it out and not before because your not a toy for her to want you one day and then not want you the next! I would take a step back from this marriage and evaluate it. It’s time to be logical actions speak LOUDER than words ever will.
Well wish her luck in her new endeavor or with her new found love and seek a divorce. If that is what she is saying ,that is it.
Seek counsel with a Christian pastor!!
This is absolutely ridiculous talking to other women??? Oh come on and you have to wait for her to decide what she wants. Awe I don’t think so really? Ok my dear you have a choice to make , and I hope it’s the right one. Let her make up her mind on her own, closeness chapter Goodbye!!
Let her go, she’s already emotionally cheating… Time to move on to someone who actually deserves you
You need to let her figure out what she wants. If your willing to wait and see, then wait but regardless, don’t let her play you (wether she knows she is or not). Anyone deserves better than to be dragged along. She can’t have you and figure it out with other people. It’s not fair to you.
She’s saying she needs time so she can still reap the benefits of you. Don’t let her make decision for your life. Even if she felt confused she should not have been talking to anyone behind your back. She should have come to you first and you guys work it out her girl know more than you.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My wife told me she thinks she might be gay: What do I do?
Be supportive about it. She can’t change who she is and she wants to be who she’s always been. You’re her best friend clearly and she loves you as that. Just she can’t keep it in that she’s not happy as she’s not in the relationship she wants
Get rid. Start a new life dont be messed about.
Walk with her through it. She is not trying to hurt you and it’s great she told you about it. It is shitty she did some in secret, but she was probably scared. I know this sucks for you and it still hurts. Try to work through your emotions and remember it is nothing that you did.
She’s obviously confused. Best thing would to just move on and get rid of her. Let her live her life.
Give her the time and space she’s asking for.
I’m sure she’s very confused and maybe even hurting.
But look after yourself too. Don’t forget your feelings are valid too.
Be there for each other
I’d be leaving and letting her figure shiz out on her own. How horrible of her. It’s fine to like the same gender or whatever, but it’s not okay to cheat on your spouse. Just know, someone that “loves you” doesn’t cheat on you. Y’all made a vow and she’s breaking that
Truthfully, divorce her. She should not have drug you around to and went as far as marriage if it not what she wanted she should have been clear about it from the beginning. You’re not a option, you’re supposed to be a priority.
She shouldn’t have married you if she thought this way. Secret conversations are just as bad as cheating no matter the circumstance. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Honestly I would look into some therapy for both of you. Couples therapy can help you de escalate.
She can’t change the way she feels about her sexually.
I have also known some people that have become polyamorous in situations like this.
Honestly- I agree cheating is cheating. That is a deal breaker for me. It would be a different story if she had come to you and said, I think I’m gay and find my self attractive to woman without already starting a relationship. Ian a firm believer in- if you love me, you wouldn’t have cheated. Period. But that’s me- I am worth more than that and refuse to allow anyone to treat me that way
She is cheating. It’s a good step that she came clean. You have to decide if you can deal with the cheating first off. Then you have to see if you can deal with the fact that she’s stating that she’s not attracted to you.
If you have a faith. Now would be the time to get back into it and even if you don’t, seek and offer her marriage counseling to see if there can be reconciliation and see where she actually stands with her carnal curiosities.
This is if you truly believe you can live with what has taken place.
If not, file for divorce on grounds of infidelity and move on
Idk. I’m probably the wrong one to ask. I’d leave over a toilet seat being left up.
She should have figured that out before getting married. She’s cheating on you. Leave. Let her figure things out on her own.
Definitely split up, she has stated she is gay so let her live her life been gay & happy!
You live your life and be happy xxxxx
I am probably better than 90% attracted to women. I’m pretty much only attracted to men if I get to know them. Currently in an almost 2 year heterosexual relationship.
She may not have realized until recently that she was attracted to women, or it was taboo for whatever reason. Is it a deal-breaker for you? That’s what nobody but you can answer.
Cheating is cheating regardless of the sex gender
Thinking you might be gay is okay, what’s not is her thinking she’s okay to message other woman because she’s “not sure” if you weren’t sure about her at some point would it have been okay to message others? No likey not, sounds like she’s seeing where it goes with this other woman before she cut and runs on you, you shouldn’t be waiting around for her to figure her self out you’ve got your own life to live without her crap
She doesn’t like men. You’re a man. Husband or not, she isn’t interested in an intimate way.
Time to go.
Run tou can’t compete with a woman.
Do I hear polygamous relationship ?!
These are the sad stories that come from this ‘free-for-all’ world we’re living in. Too much hedonism not enough Jesus Christ
She’s cheating on you. It doesn’t matter if it’s with another man or a woman. It also doesn’t matter if it’s physical or emotional. It’s cheating. If she is a lesbian, fine. She can’t help who she’s attracted to, but if she is unsure, the two of you need to split so she can figure her shit out without being unfaithful.
Like, who actually laughed at this and thought it was funny? People are weird
Cheating is cheating and that’s not ok.
I suggest therepy for both of you.
She’s entitled to be whoever she needs to be but she’s not entitled to cheat on you and string you along. I mean cool that she came clean. That’s important. But now you should go. She needs to figure herself out. Know it’s not you or anything you did.
Her realizing she is gay does not excuse her from your marriage vows or allow her to cheat.
Try the Ross approach and see if you get the same results
Separate give space go to counseling and see what comes up. If you both decide you want to be together, couples counseling, if you want to separate, continue counseling for you, and move forward with your life. Yes she says you’re her best friend, but regardless of her needs, if she doesn’t want to be in the relationship, you are not responsible for her feelings or her needs. Just your own.
Oh man I’m sorry first of all…
Secondly, you should probably leave.
She’s cheating on you already and is telling you she doesn’t like men… let her figure her sexuality out without you so she can be better for the next person and so you can find your person because she ain’t it
Sounds like she’s been getting more pussy than you
She loves you but it’s probably not the love either of you need or deserve. A lot of women who realize they are gay later in life stay with their husbands because they don’t want to hurt them or loose them. She really does love you, and you are her best friend, she is confused and is probably trying to figure out what she really wants or how to get out and still keep you as her best friend.
Divorce her and find someone who loves you…all of you. You are noones second choice sir!
Ok so, when I was younger, I was in a relationship with a guy and he was gay. He kept ot a secret from everyone because he was ashamed. Before I go into my advice I wanna start off saying that Her having secret conversations with other people is wrong. Hold her accountable for that.
Now my advice for your situation:
Tell her you would like to take a break, so she has an opportunity to find herself. Tell her it’s not only fair to her, but ita being fair to you. Its not fair that you go thru an emotional rollercoaster just because she hasn’t figured her feelings and life out. When and IF she figures she likes men, then reevaluate your relationship with her. Let her know you support whatever she decides to do. But do NOT ever do anything in a relationship you aren’t comfortable with. If she asks for a poly relationship, just know you have a right to turn that down also. That is if you choose.
Most importantly, love yourself enough to not settle. You got this my dude.
In my experience, you let her have space, you could lose her, but if you don’t let her have space, same thing, you could lose her. Your screwed either way imo
You deserve to have a wife that is dedicated to you and your union. If she can’t do that then separate and move on emotionally.
Well. This happened to me. My ex husband was very supportive. I know I hurt him and I will forever be sorry for the pain I caused him. He is my best friend and I love him very much and can’t imagine my life without him. We coparent wonderfully and talk daily. I’ve been in a same sex relationship for 3 years now.
Just commented cuz it was left at 69 comments
Honestly?? Sounds like an excuse to cheat on you. Talking sexually to someone who is the same sex doesn’t make you gay. Anyone can do that. if she wants to cheat and leave, let her. Don’t let her make excuses though. Just leave.