Need advice after son's ADHD diagnosis!

My son was recently diagnosed with adhd and also started kindergarten this year. I am doing everything I can think of and have been told to do by doctors/behavioral specialist/speech therapist. He has anger issues and problems with being told no by adults. Just would like some encouraging and helpful advice to help with this. I do take him aside and we talk about things constantly. I just feel helpless and am asking for advice. Thanks
18 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Need advice after son's ADHD diagnosis!

Deep breathing when he loses control, green tea(unless he needs meds), a schedule and a “you hit you sit chair”. My son has adhd and these things work wonders!

My oldest boy was the same and same with adhd. I found an outlet with him playing sports but not in school. He is competitive so any sport at the time was a no go until he learned how to play well with others. Told him once his anger was no longer an issue he can play any sport at school. He still has moments but runs away mainly in house or to teacher to calm down. Tried meds he became zombie so that was a no go

Ask for an iep. It will help out you and your child and create achievable goals with a good support system for him.

1 Like

You know if seen kids with behavior issues. Teachers have a tight schedule, kids thrive on them…only time it’s hard is at the first of school year and like a substitute teacher…get him an IEP if needed…I think school will be ok.

If he’s on medication only give it to him on school days! I know from experience when my son was diagnosed with ADHD. Pay attention to his changes!!!

I as well as my oldest have it with dyslexia. I gave him the meds but since they know right from wrong I would spank his butt when he tried to use it as an excuse. I don’t care what dr’s say sometimes the kid needs that spanking!!! When he got older it was writing lines and eventually military excersizes. Squats, lunges, suisides but huge but I did them with him and it ended up helping him in sports later on

Im going thru this exact same thing. My son is soon to be 7 and in 1st grade. We started testing and behavioral department with Childrens Hospital a couple of years ago. They recommended meds for his ADHD. I went to Child Focus, therapy, psychology and psychiatry…they recommended the same. He also has ODD and believed to have anxiety and OCD. I got him on an IEP at the end of Kindergarten. (tried before Kindergarten and they wouldnt listen) we started meds 2 weeks ago and although hes been more emotional (upset) the anger fits have been so much inproved and his brain is slowing down enough to think before he reacts. No from of punishment or reasoning has ever worked for him. I was very hesitant to put such a young child on meds (my oldest has been on ADHD meds off and on since 5th grade) but so far its helping so much! Good luck!

I have ADHD and a schedule helped me along with a sport or just running around and playing when I was little. Tho I didn’t get diagnosed until I was in 3rd grade when my teacher actually notice my actions as symptoms and not just me acting out. And caffeine has the opposite effect on us, it’ll make us hyper for a bit then crash. Red dyed foods can trigger the ADHD more as well, so be careful on that. And little no sugar a couple of hours before bed.

I will tell you about my experience with my own son. Don’t look at ADHD as a problem. Think of it as he has a super ability that needs to be harnessed, and managed to benefit him or her in the future. Get him into sports that they will love. I would suggest putting in the child into swimming, because they are using their entire body. A fun building project such as using Lego works wonders as well.

3 Likes

I don’t really have much advice but it will get easier and you will get through this and it will get better. My oldest son was diagnosed before he was even able to get on medication for it. The person I see for my meds was able to diagnose him just by how was acting. He’s now 10 and things have gotten better. He still has his moments occasionally where he acts out but we just discipline accordingly to the extent of it. Sending prayers your way.

Stimulating make it worse loud noises bright lights ect why children with ADHD get over stimulated they get aggressive my kids dad has it and I know one of my three children has it …. That being said food is also a big trigger coffee makes them tired most of all try to tasks he is interested in kids with adhd love to use their brain because it never shuts off but they have to be interested or that have brain power to focus weird but try also look up Facebook support groups for adults !! A lot of advice for adults who know what works and what didn’t for them when they were kids :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: best of luck ps pray and stay strong god is always their

Lots of structure, lots of praise & rewards for things they do right, since they’re always getting yelled at. Lots of physical activity. I have it, so does my son. I participated in every after school activity I could from middle school through college; as an adult I had dance class or rehearsal every day of the week after work (cut back to 3-4 when I had kids & went to the gym after they were in bed.

Downside is doing homework can be a challenge, it may take a lot of trial and error to find the right meds, or stay no meds. Your child can be disruptive and in your face a lot—you will need all your patience. He may be rash and impulsive so you have to keep an eye on him almost all the time. We had locks for the toilets, oven, refrigerator, cabinets, and flip locks for doors where he couldn’t reach. Thankfully by kindergarten he was better, but wanted to run into the street, into other people’s houses, into the ocean & creek in the winter, jump in the deep end of the pool, etc. He will keep YOU in shape!

The upside is your child will likely be extra intelligent, super creative, and able to accomplish a lot, and possibly be a great leader. Also the ability to hyperfocus means he can accomplish big jobs all at once. Probably an extrovert and avid talker, he may make friends easily.

As he learns more coping skills and how to study, life will get easier for both of you. Therapists, study help can be wonderful.

As much outdoor time in sunshine (with sunblock) as possible is good. Have lots of activities as he’ll want to jump from one to another and back again.

A good, plant-based diet low in sugar & carbs is good for the whole family, not just the ADHD person.

See if he’d be allowed to have a stress ball or fidget spinner. Doing something with our hands or some kind of movement helps us be able to listen. I just take constant notes with pen & steno pad to help me understand when someone is talking. Seeing the words as I write them helps me remember. Getting books on tape as he learns to read helps. Once he could read OK we’d take turns reading paragraphs or pages. It was a long slog because he couldn’t read fast enough to keep his mind occupied so by the time he got to the bottom of the page he’d forgotten what the first part was about. Sylvan Learning helped.

He’s probably competitive, so if you can harness that energy toward a goal, that helps. My son’s 2nd grade teacher used it to have him complete reading assignments going through different colored levels so he could see his progress.

We lose EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. Get two or more of everything. I get 10 house keys made, always have spare pairs of glasses, keep a supply of school supplies on hand, and get on Blackboard, school emails, whatever, because he will forget about that school project, that deadline, that permission slip, the school picture forms, his homework, coat, gloves, hat, mittens…you name it.

Having lists of things to do & being able to check or cross them off is very satisfying. Schedule things at the same time each week/month. The more we can get into “automatic” or “muscle memory” vs. having to rely on our brains the better. I’d try to schedule meetings and appointments for 10 am and 2 pm as much as I could.

We have no sense of time. Use alarms on phones for everything and put several reminders vs. one. I turn my clocks ahead so I’m less likely to be late. The visual registers more than the cognitive. Transitions are hard. Give as much advance notice as possible with lots of reminders whether he’s going or coming. I say I have to “pound it into my head for days” to remember upcoming events. It’s hard for us to change gears if we’re enjoying ourselves, or have been anticipating something, so help us make a transition.

Break things down as small as needed, but once we get something, give us creative leeway to get to the final goal.

Good luck. We can be incredibly loving and loyal! :heart:

P.S. son has a chemical engineering degree, a successful military career, lifelong friends and can be very entertaining. I have a double major bachelor’s degree, a reasonably successful career (I’m sure I would have gone farther w/o ADHD though), had 2 healthy kids who are launched, and a 20-year marriage. So, a fairly happy ending!

1 Like

BTW, I was diagnosed only in my late 30s. I say it doesn’t excuse anything, but it explains SO MUCH about my childhood & young adulthood. It’s a blessing to be diagnosed early.

1 Like

Spank. His ass not hard. Just enuff. Get his attention

I’m in the same boat an iep to get him the supports he needs at school would bs really helpful and protect him from being expelled!

1 Like

I’ve got adhd and although it’s different in boys than girl having a strict routine helped a lot people with adhd actually tend to have a higher IQ so lots of different activities to keep him stimulated can help as being bored can cause anger ect due to frustration

Sometimes kids are misdiagnosed, look up O.D.D. I’ve never heard of it until recently when my friends son was diagnosed.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Need advice after son's ADHD diagnosis!

There should be someone at the school or in the school district that has someone to advocate for him. My son faced these issues when he started school. Its frustrating to him to be able to control his thoughts or the idea in his own head that he’s "different " in any way. One of my sons pediatric neurologist explained it this way: Imagine sitting in class and it feels like 8 T.V.'s going at once and trying to pay attention to all of them…but your mind is everywhere. So you’re focused on #1 but your mind keeps saying look at #8 or #3…then all of a sudden you remember you didn’t feed the dog this morning so then you’ve lost focus on the T.V…well by then you’re angry or frustrated because you haven’t kept up with the teacher.
I hope your son does better and can do better.
My son is grown and graduated.

2 Likes

ADHD Essentials podcast and books by Brendan Mahan,he’s an expert in teaching kids with ADHD and has ADHD himself.
Scattered Brains by Dr. Gabor Maté who also has ADHD.
Dr. Nicole Beurkens on parenting and tips also

My grandsons school has a calming room these guys can go to until they calm down.

My son was also diagnosed when he started kindergarten. He just turned 10 and its still a struggle and most definitely a learning curve for us as parents. I get calls almost everyday from his school because of behavior issues and anger. He takes off all the time and is sometimes hard to talk to to help him calm himself. One thing that I found worked in his younger years was sitting down with him and making a “calming jar” he picks what he wants to put in the jar, glitter or little confetti shapes and when he feels he needed a moment he’d ask me for his calming jar and shake it up and watch it in the jar and by the time everything in the jar calmed down he would be calm. Worked most of the time as long as he wanted it to work.

Get an iep with the school. It’ll help him through school with every struggle. My son been on it since pre k and he is in 5th grade now. He also has ADHD.

Take a course in what an IEP or 504 is… learn it back and forth it will be your best friend.

Have a sleep study done and get vitamins checked. Google ADHD and vitamins. Also taking gluten out of their diet helps too.

You need to have a IEP in place or a 504 plan. Make sure to ask them to do one or the other.

you need to get him on a 504 plan so he can have an advocate for him during school.hours. but he will have to be evaÄşuated.

I am writing this because I want to testify how great you are to me Dr bathsheba Everyone needs to know! I am a very satisfied and happy customer. I can’t tell how long it’s been since I’ve meet different Dr online, but none of them was able to bring my husband back home .Collins Finally moved in with me It was just a few weeks after you did your powerful prayer . I can tell all your future customers who are reading this that they are doing the right choice to go with you for a prayer . It was always great communicate with you and all the services you offer are just excellent. Thank you for everything you did for me! for anyone who might need the help of this great Woman please permit me to drop her Email: [email protected] Com
WhatsApp phone number +447823705502

My son is now 8 was diagnosed at 5. It took us 2 years of behavioral therapy and 2 med changes before we saw a difference. Now he is doing amazing. It takes alot of time amd patience

1 Like

My daughter is autistic and adhd. Girls usually show different behaviors with ADHD. My kid never stops talking… never. She also has anxiety :frowning: Someone suggested these to me. I bought them at Whole Foods and we just started them the night before first day back to school. She hasn’t been taking them long enough yet, but if you read the reviews… parents with children who have adhd, autism, etc. speak very highly of them. If you decide to try these… get them at Whole Foods and not Amazon. A lady in the reviews said that she loves these for her kid, but the ones on Amazon are not made the same, then she took a picture to compare the two… and there’s definitely a difference.

We just got a diagnosis of adhd/odd/add. My son is five and started kindergarten this year. We have started him on a low dose stimulant and we can definitely tell a difference. We r looking into some therapy for the odd.

Don’t just tell him no …. He needs the reason behind it… he will keep asking why till he understands please be patient …sports always helped me with the extra energy. Things will seem boring to him becasie he doesn’t see the Benefit in it, I loved maths becasie it always made sense

Treat him like a kitten. If you want cats, mama cat uses cleaning and distraction to get her kits attention. She gently taps them on the nose or cleans their ears. Do the same. Rather than say No, distract him and redirect him.

Join an adhd support group here on Facebook.

These books helped me tremendously along with a lot of online reading. My son is 11 was diagnosed in kindergarten. We have our good days and we have our Not so good. Keep your head up there’s a lot of resources out there counseling has helped my son tremendously with his anger issues.

2 Likes

Behavioral appt with your PCP helps as well as an evaluation for pediatric therapy. My son goes to therapy where they offer a wide range of therapy for children. He did occupational therapy for a year and now he has been in physical therapy. It has helped out tremendously in more ways than people realize their child may be struggle!

Look into ODD. Not sure if it is recognised in the U.S. Understanding is the biggest help to me xx

Bet you never thought of Busting his ass for misbehaving. Try it it’s a quicker calibrator.

Sounds like my son. He has ADHD and o.d.d. he also has a folic acid gene mutation discovered with a gene sight test. This is known to cause behavioral issues in children. He is doing so much better now!! He used to be sent home from school daily. Now he can attend school without the need of a school aid!

2 Likes

If he’s on meds for the adhd it will help I have two that are adhd and they are on meds and ive seen big improvement for their schooling it will get easier to deal with as time goes by

Does he have a child behavior therapist or some type of therapy that helps him learn how to appropriately handle his anger?I use to give mine paper/crayons & ask them to draw how they feel when I could sense they we’re getting mad or frustrated.Also,sometimes as adults we either don’t think enough or overthink these things.I use to try to take away triggers because I discovered it wasn’t the no that was the issue it was about why I said no.They thought I was mean or didn’t listen .It gets better.Keep a journal for awhile to see if there are other triggers or patterns .God bless you and it’ll be okay.

1 Like

Behavioral therapy to start with. Structure and routine! Do not deviate from your schedule if you can avoid it. It can cause issues with behavior. Ask for an IEP at his school. He’ll likely qualify. Instead of telling him no, distract and redirect. Reward good behavior and pick your battles with bad behavior. I used hand stamps for my son. Simple, cheap and he loved them. Stickers are another option. Above all, be consistent!

I have heard the app Brilli really helps with a schedule which really helps with adhd.

Diet can drastically change their behaviors! We aren’t hormone free, chemical free, dye free, none of that necessarily but I did start to educate Myself on these topics and the side effects to them. It’s kind of mind blowing that our govt allows all the crap it does fr! So when and where we can afford i buy grass fed-organic meats, I’m not perfect so it’s not every single thing we eat but it’s more of it than less. We eat less meats in general. I try to focus more on the sides now and make them so good that no one is wanting to fill half their plate of meat. Lots and lots of fruits and veggies! Again, with side dishes the options are almost endless and so many are seriously so good🤤 I didn’t completely cut anything the kids like, I just limit junk food tremendously now. Sugars, the dyes, that stuff greatly affects ADHD symptoms and so even though they can’t quite grasp my reasoning, I stick to it because I learned if that makes sense. One day I can further explain it to them and I already do teach my oldest a lot of the stuff I learn. For now though, it’s my job to make the best decisions FOR THEM and educating myself and continuing to do so and adjusting things as necessary is pretty vital in doing that in today’s world! A schedule is my next tip and consistency in discipline as well as just regular life. My oldest doesn’t do well with even the slightest bit of change so now that she’s 13 we’re trying to work on that a bit. There are lots of therapies available as well and imo that’s one of the best things we can utilize as a parent because again, it’s that education and you don’t have to do everything anyone else’s way or anything like that but they study these disorders and so they just, naturally know more than we do. So maybe try a few kinds of therapy. Behavioral can be fantastic for ADHD but I also think just regular one- on- one therapy was beneficial in our household. Good luck love and try to take care of you too! This is an uphill battle fr and you can’t do much for him if you get burnt out in the very beginning and it’s so easy to do. You got this💪

The best advice I can say is there is a special diet for children with ADD 80 HD words like no gluten no dairy also to make sure that you give them time limits like if you’re going somewhere and a half hour you give them an a half hour will be leaving in 15 minutes will be leaving in 10 minutes etc. so they can transition down I also had them in a lot of activities to help expel excess energy but it can be dealt with but the diet is an important factor

Also learn a restraining hold as when they become violent and angry is needed to keep it from escalating and doing damage

Do not jump straight to meds manage diet avoid all red dyes my son was extremely violent till then. He also gets to sit jn class on exercise ball he has desk bands fidget items and if needed if he can’t focus or feels over whelmed he can ask the teacher to go rjnca lap. I also give caffeine in the morning and he can focus

1 Like

My son was diagnosed ADHD, OCD, ODD and bipolar at 4. We started him on guanfacine that helped a little bit, however it was changed to adderall. Made the world of difference!

Try an after school activity or sport. Tumbling class or some form of rec class. My soon to 14 yr old son has alot of energy still and has been playing football since 3rd grade. We chose not to medicate him so he can learn to manage his behavior. I was on adhd meds as a kid and as soon as I hit my teen years I chose not to take them anymore because i didnt like the way I felt. Redirect the bad behavior and talk to him on his outbursts. If he has a better understanding of why he feels the way he does or what triggers him the easier it will be for him to manage them on his own.

2 Likes

My son has ADHD. He was diagnosed right after he started school. He’s 10 now. Behavioral health therapy, a well balanced diet, and structure with consistency have been my biggest helps. There are tons f books and support groups out there. My inbox is open to you if you ever need help

1 Like

Start with his diet take all red dyes out of his diet read every label it sounds stupid but works. My son 10yrs old now has sever ADD, sever ADHD and o.d.d. he was sent home everyday of preschool and kindergarten. It got to the point the principle just had him sit in the office all day. He had an aid that would accompany him to school. I changed his diet and put him on Adderall he now doesn’t take Adderall and its like he’s another child. Taking red dyes out of his diet makes a huge difference. He has a strict schedule he follows which helps change is hard for kids with ADD/ADHD.

3 Likes

There is an all natural herb you can give him called ADHD it helped my nephew alot growing up could be a help to you that’s if you dont already have him on pharma meds or are trying to not go to pharma meds

Please be careful…natural vitamins and diet changes much better than strong meds. My son put on Ritalin…helped with concentration for a short time…but then became incontinent of urine…of course they say “can’t be the medication” but stopped when the med stopped…

Read the book, the explosive child by Ross Greene. It has completely changed my way of parenting my neurodivergent child!

Print out an emotions wheel chart - you can google it or ask your doctor/therapist. It has simple things in the middle and more complex as you move outward. This will help both of you identify the feelings that he’s experiencing so you can address them properly. “Angry” could be anything from irritated, frustrated, insecure, embarrassed, hurt, or jealous, he just might not have those words yet.

My daughter was like that. I cut red dye out of her diet. I gave her a small cup of coffee, with milk and a small amount of sugar, before school. The teacher thought she was medicated because of her improved behavior and focus.
Also, look into oppositional defiant disorder.

1 Like

I found a book army new home that is an encyclopedia of vitamins. I am shocked to learn that vitamins can heal or CURE mental health problems. It’s amazing what I’ve been reading. I just read Niacin is the cure to schizophrenia. I’m in shock I think. I would look into vitamins. Specifically B-vitamins. Talk to your Dr about this. There is also a vitamin page that can be of great help.

On another note. My brother had angry issues. My parents got him a drum set. They have rubber pads he can beat on. It really helped him. He would play with the radio. Yes I’m that old. :joy:

Patience and consistency. Also find things that keep him occupied but also work his brain-sensory boards, fidgets, etc

This is how anxiety is often displayed in young children.

Time. My son was diagnosed at 3 1/2 and is now 8. Most days are a struggle. Food diet, sensory diet and a lot of patience.

We do behavior therapy, and are now on low dose medication as well. I was fully against medications until all the the “tips and tricks” didn’t work and he was miserable and struggling in school and at home.

Both my son’s have ADHD, ODD. 11 & 12. My 11 year old also is Dyslexic, has a mood disorder, Selective mutism disorder. They both have IEP’s. But honestly, when it comes to school, they don’t get much help with these thing’s. Where I live anyway. And as far as doctors, they go to a place called, Children’s Service Center. And they call once a month and ask how they are doing and call in their ADHD meds and night sleeping meds. And that’s it. And my 12 year old was diagnosed pretty young. I’ve never really found any “help” with it. Even on meds, it calms them down. But we still have melt downs daily. And tantrums. Calling me bad names. Breaking thing’s! Fighting! You name it! I’ve gotten used to how my children are. But other family members and people who don’t know us, look at me like I’m crazy :rofl: I do the very best I can. And try to stay calm with them. And explain thing’s to them. Of why they can’t do this or that. And a reward system does work. Usually only for a week or so. But if it works at all, it’s a win! Good luck! It sucks trying to get help for these kinds of thing’s with children. They always say, they are too young for this or that. Or too young to diagnose. My 12 year old has every symptom of Autism. Doctor said that. But won’t refure him to anywhere!

1 Like

Take him to a different therapist. Find an activity that he finds fun and relaxing. Use the activity for praise and as a carrot. Be as firm with teachers as you are with your child

It’s very hard. Mine is now 19. I spent more time at the school because he was always in trouble. The older he got the more rages he went into. It doesn’t take anything to make him mad. He was on meds had a therapist and had school counseling and a iep. It didn’t help him at all.

That is also ODD . Oppositional defiant disorder my son also was diagnosed with this . Look into CBD oil as well

1 Like

My nephew has adhd and was very violent… We took him off any food with red dye 22? Like anything red with artificial like cherry flavored stuff red dye is mainly in… He is 17 now and getting good grades and is the sweetest boy now… You can try that… He was on so many meds for it before that

1 Like

Get him an iep as well as communicating with his regular teacher on what’s going on so they’re patient with him. An iep will take him out of the class for an hour a day, as well as give him wobble chairs and desk bands for his home class. To get the iep started, you’ll need to fill out a Connors form from the school, get a psychologist or school psychologist to fill it out as well, and take it to your sons pediatrician. Then the pediatrician will tell the school your son needs an iep.

That’s how it worked for my child, anyway.

Even though he has a diagnosis, there needs to be consequences for his bad behavior. Behavior calendars and rewards work. For extreme cases, punishment is necessary. No one likes to be told no. It’s a life lesson.