You wonāt find a healthy relationship until not only do you love yourself but you learn to be by yourself. Heal, go through therapy and family therapy with your teens. Learn to love yourself first. You donāt love yourself or you wouldnāt want to give an abuser another chance.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Need advice on how to stay away from abusive ex?
Move on! Sounds like heās trash anyway.
Girl 
run fast! If he did it once he will do it again!
People will ONLY do to you what YOU allowā¦ Put your foot down and be done with his nonsenseā¦ No one makes anyone cheatā¦ He wants his cake and eat it tooā¦ Heās not a nice Guy
Get the divorce and never look back! Once a cheater always a cheater once heās put his hands on you it will happen again. Leave move on find someone who is way better then him and go be happy
Forget it ! Move on with your life ! You and your kids will be better for it!,
Snakes only shed their skins- they are still the same snake- 
Get out now. He will never change unless he goes to counseling for at least 1 year solid. Get out Get out Get out.
Why is the seeing another woman more of the issue and not the physical abuse??? Girl not to sound mean but you need to seek counseling so you can find out why you are putting up with all of this. Your sons need to be in an environment where they know that beating and cheating on a woman is not the norm. Good luck to you .
Hit the door running and donāt look back. He isnāt worth this
Whereās your tennis shoes? Run girl! Heās an a$$!
Girl run. Run far far away
Your kids are old enough to make the decision to stay away from him if they want to. They obviously donāt want him around let your ex go live your life and keep your kids safe they donāt need to be put in the situation where you or them will get hurt itās not even a might you WILL get hurt
Get away and donāt look bacl
Absolutely donāt go back. I was in same situation, very abusive and controlling. I finally got a way out and filed for divorce. He tried several times. When he realized I was gonna go through with the divorce, he showed his true color again. Your ex will never change. Get out, make a new life and leave him in the past.
I feel like if this was my story Iād be ashamed of what I was teaching my kidsā¦ by reconciling you teach your sons to be like him and your daughters to date him.
Hard NO. I wouldnāt wish that narcissistic abuser on a snake. Exās are exās for a reason.
Sounds like you need to trust people when they show you who they are. They wonāt lie.
Listen to your self saying to run. It will only get worse if you stay for the kids, he sounds like my ex, if he isnt getting anything from me then he dont see the kids. He was the same way with his 1st wife, wish I would have noticed sooner. Me and my kids are by far happier without him then we was with him. My fiance is an awesome father that didnāt even blink at taking on my older kids as his.
Run and donāt look back. Be an example for your kids, you and them deserve better. He doesnāt love you. He loves having control. Let him go.
Keep going forward without him. Abusers donāt stop. And if he happens to stop with you he may be doing other things behind your back.
Get out!!! That is not love if he cheated, and still doing it.
Stop entertaining the conversation and move on
Run far far away from him. He will never change, once a cheater always a cheater on top of the abuse. Your instinct is to run, listen to it
What would you do if one of your kids was in the same situation? Youād tell them to end that shit. Donāt set an example for them to think is ok when they get married. Do it for your kids if not for yourself. Period.
You couldāve and shouldāve stopped that entire paragraph at āhe abused meā.
So your divorce is finalized in a month but youāre still taking to him about continuing the relationship? Help me understand. Nevermind beloved. Get your divorce, letās the kids see him if they choose to, and you meet someone that deserves you!!!
He physically hurt you in front of your children and you want to know if you should give him another chance? Another chance to hurt you?? What is wrong with you maāam
Please RUNNNNNNN fast as you can away from him!!! Love yourself 1st and foremost!!
Listen to your gut. It is telling you the truth. Your heart and head a wrapped up in the past.
Donāt wait for the final paperwork start building your new life that is the only way to move forward.
Run away as fast as you can !!!
It quite obvious this guy is NOT a nice person & isnāt going to change. You & your children deserve better & itās up to you to get it. Dump him. If the kids donāt want or are afraid to see him, so be it.
You said it yourself, your body and soul want to leave, you only want to stay because heās familiar at this point. Itās like a well worn pair of jeans. Just toss the jeans out girl, they holey.
My advice would be to keep yourself busy!! This is hard but really does work. Also block him on EVERYTHING. He wants to see the kids he can take his happy ass to your house. Unless he gets abusive again then back to jail with the pos. Good luck 
Should have RAN a long time ago. I learned the hard wayā¦ just go!!! It gets better, your soul mate is out there but it is not him!!!
go thru with divorce and if he makes all the right changes and proves he has gotten help acd change than get back together if he truly has worked on himself
The kids donāt need that either
I was with someone for 16 yrs and for the same reason as you I have just recently decided to do the same thing and heās does the same with me oooo I love you, I canāt see you with no one else and so on we have kids together they have seen and heard the abuse but I have filled for a protective order and Iāve never been happier with the choice I have made. You can break out of it, it never gets better. Your strong you can do it
He doesnāt deserve you get out nd donāt look back
I can completely understand what you are going through as I have dealt with two toxic ex like him and I only recently ended things for good with the latest one whoās been playing this game with me for the past 2 years since our break up. We didnāt have kids together but I have a son from my previous ex( also toxic). Itās very hard to hear to accept but men donāt change after a certain age. Itās hard to let them go because you shared so much with them but in the end ask yourself the question whether it is healthy to give time to someone who is playing games with you whe you can find someone who will give you the world without asking. It took me 7 years to get rid of my baby daddy, I loved him so much and I always believed that he will be good for the sake of our child but i couldnt be further from the truth. My latest ex same. Once you recognize toxic people it will be easier to get rid of them. Time is the only thing you canāt have back. And life is too short to waste it on the wrong person.
Run as fast as you can
Iām sorry but heās not good enough for you. You deserve a better life.
U need to leave and love urself
Run and as far away as possible! Never think itās ok to be a human punch bag! Itās not ok! You deserve to be happy. Xxx
This is called traumatic attachment, basically you are lost without the drama and the trauma because you have been taught that itās love. Itās not. Run, run for the hills and be happy xx
RUN. The simple fact that he laid hands on you, should be enough to say no more. I donāt care if heās been faithful/unfaithful etc. Heās been abusive. Not only physically but psychologically, you donāt deserve anyone to be playing those mind games with you. And if he already did it once, heāll do it again, itāll just keep escalating. Please leave and donāt look back!
Leave him! I was in an abusive marriage for 17 years and the best thing I did for myself and my children was when I left. Get out now because he will never change
Leaveā¦ he is a manipulator thatās abuse as wellā¦ donāt look back only forwardā¦ your children deserve better a happy healthy mom.
That run and keep running feeling is there for good reason. Please listen to it before itās too late.
Leave!!! U definitely can do better trustā¦. It aināt worth it I see so many women being so faithful to these men for their hearts to be broken, but first have a hot/cold girl summer and then settle down 
stay single for as long as you can!!! Itās fun
If heās;hurt you in front of your kidās&has cheated. Move on;leopards seldom change their spots in this case. I havenāt;been through domestic violence myself. Some of;my nieces&a belated grandma has been through that. Those kinds;of men occasionally some women isolate the person theyāre abusing. The best;way of taking back control was via divorce. Stay strong;for yourself&kidās&good luck.
18 years girl? You gonna just keep trying til you hit a retirement home? If you are legally separated you can start DATING TODAY!!
Youāre a mom so Iāmma tell you what I think my mom would feel me if I have kids would you want your kids thinking thatās love and thatās how you should be treated Iām going through the same thing and not be so lucky to have the option to get out and imma give you my version what do you want him to get tired of abusing you and now after your kids I would change my number avoid commonplace with mutual friends as much as possible thatās what I do when I left my 8-year long relationship because he was one step away from becoming physically abusive which I wasnāt going to wait to see when that was going to happen
Any man that would cheat and PHYSICALLY HURT YOU does not love you. He doesnāt respect you or the kids. He clearly doesnāt want to see them. They donāt want to see him. Finalize your divorce and never speak to him again.
History doesnāt permit being unfaithful and abusive. EVER.
Hell no. He abused you and heāll do it again. And he clearly doesnāt know what he wants if he just keeps going back and fourth. He doesnāt want you to move on and find better cause he knows you can. If he doesnāt want to see the kids either than it seems like you all are better off without him. Especially since heās hurt you in multiple ways, who knows what he could do to the kids even. LEAVE!
Just finalize the divorce and be done with him. No drama. Love yourself and set an example for your kids
Stop and think to yourself what would you say if this was your daughter telling you all this? Would you want her to stay with a man like this? No, so why let yourself do this?! He wants his cake and eat it by the sounds of it. Only sweet to you when he has no one else but will gladly put it about behind your back. Then the abuse on top of that?! No, you need to run for the hills and rebuild yourself before meeting someone else. Learn to love yourself and time to heal xx
Hell no ā¦ur children watched him abuse you ā¦show them what itās like to respect yourself n move 4ward ā¦love urself ā¦Iām so sorry ā¦hope u never go back hugs
Donāt go back ever he had 18 years to be faithful and loving he choose not to be either of those to you or your children move away move on as stated many times over and over he will never change RUN THE OTHER WAY FROM HIM QUICK
I guess itās hard when you got kids but you have to let them have their own opinion on him if they have witnessed what he can be like they should understand as teens why you are not with him anymore love yourself first finalise is all love on and be happy let the kids decide weather they wanna be part of his life or not but that doesnāt mean you have to
I just got out of an abusive relationship. Iāve been divorced 3 months. Iām working on repairing me and itās wonderful! Even if he says heāll change he might for a little while but it wonāt last long Believe Me. Run like hell girl donāt look back! Life is an adventure and when you find your freedom and get yourself back you realize how wonderful it is. Fix yourself from this relationship before you go on to another. Just my advice from somebody whoās been there. Best of luck to you.
You owe him nothing!! Sounds like a narcissist to me, go enjoy your life itās time!!
I wouldnāt go back. Just coparent with him. If the kidās doesnāt want to see him, thatās their choice
Run!! You deserve to be happy and your kids alsoā¦ Good luck!! Wish you the Best
Your answer is as soon as you startā¦āhereās the thingā¦ā
If you were sure you didnāt need to ask.
If you have doubts which you do besides everything youāve gone through then itās not for you.
If you have come this far, donāt let ānice wordsā fool you.
Harsh but, did he think of you when he was sleeping with other women while you were at home being faithful? Good luck! 
If u still feel like trying it out with him even for a split second,thinking about itā¦right now is not the time to date continue with your divorce and stop giving him your conversation n if the kids donāt want to see him or he donāt want to see the kids so whatā¦ their teenagers they know whatās going on ā¦focus on your healing process n on your self before dating and involving the other person to this mess.date with a clear mind and future. Wish you the best 
ps nothing will change with him even if he says it donāt believe him itās been years heās been doing this to you is not like it was a first time n heās asking for forgiveness and wonāt do it again heās full of it run n donāt look back
LEAVE your better then that I stayed for 6 years bc he kept telling me he loved me and I canāt have children bc of him and he has 6 a few while we were together the man Iām with now and have been for almost 20 years was the best thing that happened to me
Leave as quickly as possible. Heās manipulative and thatās not love
You are going to grieve and feel confused, thatās part of and the beginning of the healing process, only time will allow you to come out of the other side for you to look back and know you have done the correct thing by moving on. Toxic relationships are never worth holding onto. In a year or two you will wonder why you doubted yourself. Good luck
Dont waste anymore time on him you deserve so much better
If you cqnt do it for yourself then do it for your children. If you donāt they may repeat the same with characteristics if they never witness a good one. You are worth it! Your kids are worth it! File a restraining order or protective order keep documentation of all abuse and move on. God speed
You answered your own question. Move on.
Ask yourself this. Would you want your kids to stay with an abusive person? Then by doing so yourself, youāre teaching them that itās ok.
He will never change and you are right to get out. There is plenty of help out there and I will keep you in my prayers. Please donāt go back to that situation, you can do this
He will never change! You deserve better!
Leave, heal and find someone that will love and respect you and your children. He is playing games with your emotions and want to keep you from true happiness. Finalize your divorce and if he doesnāt see the children then itās his loss. They are old enough to see and know how he is. Be happy without him.
Girl get u a gun n learn to use it because no paper will keep him from hurting you
Ummm listen to yourself you already
Have the answer. You donāt need anybody but God!! Ohhhh this what abusers do
Run run run. Itās been 18 years. Things will not change. And from what u said it only got worse. And will get even worse. Or end up dead.
My aunt went thru the same thing. Sheās now in heaven.
Donāt fall for it. I did took him back and he just did it all over again. Iām not gonna lie it was probably one of the most difficult things I had to do. But it is definitely the best decision of my life.
Stay away!!! You need help to stay away message me girl!!! You thinking of calling him message me instead. Feeling alone reach out ill message u back!!! Your kids will see a strong woman fighting for her right to be free and loved!
Leave and donāt look back you will find someone who will love and respect you
Leave, continue divorce, restraining orderā¦dont fall for the āpretty, ill do goodā boy crap. THEY NEVER CHANGEā¦
Run. You are showing your children that physical abuse is ok if you stay. The cycle of abuse will not end with just you. You have a responsibility to your children to not expose them to violence. I grew up like that and ending up being in a domestic abuse situation that almost killed me. Your children deserve to be safe.
Youāll know when youāre done. Finished. Had enough of giving someone else power over your lifeā¦ Thereāll be no need to ask anyone else then.
Do not go back he wonāt change. Get the divorce but before you start looking heal yourself. You have been through alot with the abuse. Heal and start over!!!
Get out while you have a chance. It could go a whole different way.
Run and never never turn back. If you stay with him it is ok to cheat on you and treat you like crap. Prayers stay strong.
Best advice,ā¦ they NEVER change. #1 take care of you and thatās making sure you are mentally and physically safe. #2 Take care of your kiddos. Do you want to see them grow up and be abused? Trust me they see how we let ourselves be treated and mirror it. You deserve happiness and peace, if you want to date, go for it! As far as when the kids see your soon to be ex, leave that to the courts. If he gets visitation maybe it would be a good idea to exchange them at the police station, or have a third party do it so you donāt go back through the abuse. Best of Luck honey!!
No contact ! He only contacts you if it has to do with the kids and vice versa . Since your kids wonāt go with him that should be easy . If he texts you donāt answer . If he phones you donāt answer . If it has to do with the kids then yea answer but otherwise no . You need to break the bond you think you feel towards him
Leave, always trust your gut over the head & heart both. Best of Luck finding your soul mate!! 
Please donāt give in. You may come out in a body bagā¦brutal but Iām afraid possible xxx
18 faithful years for what? Unfaithfulness? Abuse? Donāt hang onto 18 years because you have been through a lot?! The reason to be hanging onto a relationship should be for positive reasons and happy memories. Heās also using the kids to manipulate you?! Step away and see how happier you stronger you feel not having to deal with any of this shit
As someone in the kinda same situation as you; I keep telling myself that he hasnāt changed in almost 30 years and chances are he wonāt change now. Heās way of showing heās changed just feels fake. I donāt trust him.
My advice: go through with the divorce, if yāall are meant to be together, it will happen, eventually. Take time to be single and find yourself again. Then, if youāre still feeling like you should give him a second chance, do it. Good luck!
Thatās the thingā¦18 yearsā¦and he was not only cheating and hiding it from youā¦that alone is alot to go throughā¦but then he has the audacity to put his hands on youā¦18 YEARS. 18 YEARS later he is caught up in his web of deceit and though his lips say heās sorry, wants to try again and that he ālovesā you he still pursues other women. 18 YEARS. Thatās a long time to have wasted. How many more are you going to throw away?
You know when you NEED to runā¦ never look back!
Break that cycle no need to keep going in circles. No women should ever half to feel they need to stay for there kids. He does it because you keep letting him walk all over you and knows you will take him back. It does get better do what is going to make you feel free and not a prisoner in your own mind. Best of luck to you and your babies. A wise women once told me nothing like a womenās scorn
Understand this when a person is abusive it will never stop even with professional help. You need to put yourself first and get out of that toxicity
Run and donāt look back. The universe has something so special waiting for you my dear. Embrace the freedom and take the opportunity for yourself.
You have to ask yourself can the abuse get worse? Is he ready to actually change or will he get comfortable again with hurting you again? Decide whatās best for your life but counseling is needed for both of you.