Needing advice on cutting off a "friend"

I need advice on how I should handle this situation with a “friend”. I am a military spouse and meet new people all the time…I met this girl last year around Christmas and helped her buy all 4 of her kids gifts because she was in need…since then, we have hun out maybe once or twice and it was just awkward…but she has no issues messaging me daily for favors…literally will text me 3 times a day asking for something because her husband will not help her apparently…while I do feel bad for her I cannot help but feel used by her…I am helping her with Christmas this year again and cutting her off after that because I am tired of feeling a friendship is one sided and clearly she is using me…the issue is, our kids play together…is it dramatic to send her a message after Christmas and let her know I am blocking her and tell her why I feel the way I feel?

26 Likes

I would be upfront and tell her how you feel, BEFORE you just cut her off. I would explain that you care for her and your kids but you aren’t able to continue this way. Teaching your kids and having healthy boundaries are important.

30 Likes

if your kids are still going to hang out I wouldn’t block her just tell her you can’t help her out anymore and see how she responds. if she understands continue on. if she trips then block her.

23 Likes

Just start saying I CAN’T and you’ll find out real quick if she is a friend…you will not have to block her or have the conversation bc she will do all that when she cant get anything from you🤣

20 Likes

You could just be honest with her and have an adult conversation…no need for blocking and notes.

9 Likes

Say money is a little tight this year so you can only provide a few gifts for her kids. I’m sure you still want to make her children happy since they play well with yours. Say this in person and be sincere. If she isn’t appreciative then you’ll have your answer if she’s worth having a friend. When the holidays come around have a small gift for each child, something you know they’ll like but won’t too spendy. No more favors that require money after that. If she isn’t a true friend you’ll probably stop hearing from her.

4 Likes

You have to distance yourself from toxic and needy people. They will drain you.

Be kind when letting her know why you are changing the parameters of her friendship.

4 Likes

Just say “no, sorry I’m not in a position to be able to do that for you.” A true friend will respect that, a user won’t

3 Likes

Girl the best thing to do is just block her you don’t need to explain anything to anyone especially if she is just using you.

4 Likes

You should have this conversation in person.

3 Likes

Well that was nice of you but now it’s time for her husband to step up. You are a military man and should never be messing with a married woman. Isn’t that also adultry for you.

Just say you don’t have the money anymore or you can’t afford to help her anymore. She’ll stop AND she will distance yourself on her own.

I would just have a talk with her and explain how you feel and take it from there.

1 Like

I would tell her how you feel and that you aren’t in a position to help her this time round everyone is struggling at the moment.Truth is you can be a kind benevolent person in life but ultimately your not her banker or her Saviour, sometimes we can’t be all things to all people :grinning:

5 Likes

Spend the money on your children and just don’t block her, just don’t respond. You’re enabling her, enabling is wrapped in good intentions. You need to set boundaries

8 Likes

I’d block her immediately

Just don’t answer her text and she will get the message sooner or later!! I wouldn’t say anything! Actions speak louder than words! Stop communicating back!

Just talk to her before you cut her off. Let her know why and then leave it be.

I’d tell her “NO” for any more favors she needs done. Tell her, she has a husband that can help her. That you have plans. Stick with it!

1 Like

How many others is she using this way?

Sorry but providing for her kids isn’t your responsibility

1 Like

You are nice, maybe too nice. She and her kids are not your responsibility. She either needs her husband to step up or walk away. You need to step away, this is totally inappropriate. Tell her now that it’s done.

No matter how you approach this, your “friend” is going to gaslight you.
She’s entitled and isn’t going to receive the information no matter how its delivered.
More than likely your kids will all the sudden not be able to play together.
Be rest assured this won’t last long if she is truly in any real need.
Stand fast and do not let her manipulate you!

I would tell her straight up now.

It’s always ok to tell someone how you feel. If you feel that you need to say it and block her then do it.

Block her. You owe her no explanation. And if she is a dependent too she can contact his chain of command for help.

1 Like

I hate to see children suffer, but honestly she is just using you and expecting you to provide christmas for her kids. I would cut her off before christmas

tell her financially they must do gift exchange you dont want to embarsse her in front of her kids but you need to buy for your family first

You’re nicer than me. I would have cut ties long ago. She is using you. It just sucks for the kids. Definitely tell her why.

I’d definitely tell her before xmas I think she is using u and y use ur money to help her when she dont bother I’ve had that and from experience plz stop it

I would let her know how I feel about it before you continue to spend money on her and her kids and go from there

2 Likes

Tell her before Christmas and spend the money on your kids

6 Likes

I would give the kids ONE thing each and say that’s all I can afford this year I have my own children to buy for. :face_with_raised_eyebrow: it’s not your responsibility to buy her kids Christmas gifts every year hun

You can just tell her thank you for your friendship but I feel as though it’s run its course and that’s about all the explanation you need to give her. If she asks what happened or what’s wrong then that opens the door to you giving her an explanation should you want to.

You are not an ATM!!! I would not help her out this Xmas either . She has a husband . Let them figure it out !!! Be kind to yourself and set boundaries and so what if the kids play together . Her kids will take cues from their mom and treat your kids the same way and be selfish like their mom.

Don’t wait. Start now. Think you’re being used