My household his money is my money and my money is his money… Neither of us ever ask the other for money. We have a joint checking an I have been a stay at home mom for 8 years since he and I got engaged an moved in together. We both made the decision and we are a unit. Sorry but I feel like if you have to ask for money or be put on an allowance your not a partnership. My kids ask for money not s husband and wife. But then again we don’t do hair, nails, brows, or anything else in our house maybe a pedicure once in awhile. Because there are better uses for money in my opinion.
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We have a joint account. I pay all bills every week & set some aside for savings then we just use what we want with what’s leftover. No giving each other allowances. If he wants to buy something he just tells me that way i can watch the bank & make sure we don’t go negative. We really don’t do unnecessary spending & if we do we try to leave enough for the other to get something that week. I don’t like the word “allowance” it’s both of your money but it is always the right thing to just make sure you can spend what you want before you do it.
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It’s called a joint bank account with a debit card for each of you. I’m sorry, but wives should never get an “allowance”. That’s demeaning! I have my own card, and I spend what I want. My husband could care less. I can’t imagine having to ask for permission to get my nails done, etc.
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My husband puts the money in our bank account and I have a debit card… I’ve worked and was also a stay a home mom for years… I’ve never in 27 years have ever had to ask for anything.
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My man pays rent, utilities and for my hygiene products I feel very blessed I try to refrain from asking for things we try to save so one month he gets something he wants the next month I get something extra I want we have a tight budget but honestly after living with either of our parents the roof over our heads is the biggest gift he could’ve ever given me
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Why cant you just have access to checking account as long as you keeping track of the money for bills and essentials you should swipe that card when you want. Marriage comes with family and finances.
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I have been a sham for over 5 years and just recently got a part time job. My hubby said I can do what I want with the money I make. When he gets paid he hands me his entire check (minus some pocket money) for Bill’s to be paid. He tells me he stresses over working so I can stress over bills 
he said as long as bills are paid I can do whatever with the rest. I color my own hair, I don’t do makeup, and I don’t get my nails done. I do, however, buy yarn and such for crafts I make.
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Take the money without him knowing that’s what I do you do a lot and yet they don’t understand that you need some money so take it
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We have a joint account but most of our money goes to Bill’s and food so not much for extra spending
If I were a stay at home mom, I would give myself allowances. Make a spreadsheet of all your bills. Decide how much be set aside for savings.
The remaining about should be discussed each week/paycheck. And each of you should set allowances for that week.
We personally both work. But we have a joint account that we both contribute a set amount too. All of our bills, renovations, and household expenses come out of the joint. We then each have a personal account to do with as we please. We started this when we first moved in together. It works, so we’ve kept it that way for the last 4 years.
I dont have an allowance. If I need something I buy it. If I want something I just make sure I’m spending within our limits. Being a stay at home mom is a choice I made. Learning to do my own hair and nails or even buying my clothes from a consignment shop was way worth it being able to stay home with the children .
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Don’t listen to the advice telling you to just take it… That’s absolutely not the answer. That’s essentially stealing from your partner, and your marriage - not right at all.
If you haven’t yet, do sit down with him and talk about your desire! Let him know you’d like a little pocket money, but that you want to do it the smart way by making a budget so you know how much you can have, without hurting the family.
If you can, find someone to talk to, to get help! There’s finance counselors, you’ll have to do a little research to find one near you/find someone trustworthy online if you have to. SInce my husband is military we plan to go sometime soon to talk to the one that’s offered on post. Finance counselors can help you sit down with what money you have coming in, determine what you have left after bills and important purchases like groceries are taken, and then help you plan out how to save and spend what’s left. They’ll help you make sure you’re putting some aside each month to build up a savings too, not just blowing everything and never having something in reserves. 
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We don’t share money.
I can’t imagine having to ask to buy something
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Being a sahm you have to make cuts to make it work. I did it for 8 years. What you want are not a need they are a want. There are many things that we both went without to make it work. I would have never asked for an allowance. We are equals in a marriage. I’m not his child. We figure out what is left after bills are paid and go from their.
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I can’t believe some of these responses…
I don’t see why you need an “allowance.”
I don’t think you need permission. HOWEVER I do think that once all the bills are paid and you have money left over, you both deserve to take some to do with as you like. It’s not “his” money. It’s joint money. You stay home so you don’t pay for childcare.
ITS A JOB WITHOUT A PAYCHECK. As long as bills are paid and you both get to do what you want with what’s leftover. 
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He has one job and a stay at home mum has many. He should give you what you need. You earn by the many jobs you do. Tried it, and its much harder than holding up a job out there. If you on the other hand need to budget then discuss what is reasonable. Xx
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It’s called a joint checking account. I’m a SAHM, but as long as the bills are paid, I can get my haircut, nails done, buy shoes/clothes, etc. without asking for money. He’s my husband, not my boss.
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If you can you can sing up for food delivery service doordash grubhub or any other one can make a some money on that
What’s his is yours 
one account, bills come out from that account. You should not be on an ‘allowance’.
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The what’s his is yours mentality can cause some resentment with your husband. You’re not getting paid for your job which unfortunately can cause some problems for both of you. With us he makes sure I always have cash. I let him know about larger purchases like hair and nails and ask when’s the best time of the month for it. So after bills are paid. Smaller purchases he doesn’t mind. It can be really hard to have to “ask” for money when you’ve worked your whole life. Having an open discussion with him and a joint bank account is a good start.
It depends on household income. I was a sahm for 3 years, we made a lot of budget cuts so that I was able to stay home. I managed the money, I also managed groceries and any necessities. I didnt hav the finances for luxuries such as nails, hair, unneeded shopping, etc but it was all worth it. If your husband is well off with his employer and you guys agree more than financially stable then you should be able to spend as you please as well. Being a sahp is hard work, it’s draining, and for 1 partner to stay home it requires team work.
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My advice is to read the Barefoot Investor. It will shoe you how to divide up accounts into bills, saving, splurge efc
Save money and do it at home! Sally’s is where I go. You can get salon quality products.
I don’t have an allowance or have to ask for money. We both know what we can and can’t afford. We share the account and both have a credit card attached to it, and just spend responsibly.
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I’m a single stay at home mum have a 6 year old and a 2 month old, I pay for everything and my kids fathers don’t pay nor contribute anything for them. It’s as simple as if you can’t afford to go hair and nails and make then don’t get it. Always pay bills first and always make sure there’s food in the house and fuel in car.
Budgeting, work out the income you get then take away the bills then you will work out what is left then I’m sure you can work it out from there
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Um nope. Its our money not he has all the control and has to give you a certain amount. With that said a monthly haircut and monthly make up money is a bit much. I go 3 to 6 months between haircuts. Especially since I work from home now i don’t use nearly as makeup to require to buy make up every 2 months. Eye brow waxes once a month, twice?
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Before my husband and I had kids, we were both working and had a Joint bank account with our own cards. We both worked and both made the same money. We always discussed what we wanted to spend money on, even if he needed to use some of mine or I needed to use some of his, etc. After having kids, and me being a stay at home mom, I felt so weird asking for money. I went months without spending a dime on myself until my husband literally had to drag my ass out of the door one day and told me to have a spa day and do whatever I wanted. He encouraged me to spend. I told him how I felt and I just wasn’t used to spending money “that wasn’t mine”
Thankfully my husband isn’t a dimwit (as was I apparently) and pointed out the OBVIOUS. I am the mother of his children. I take care of them all day. Yes he works and makes money but we had kids together. They’re not just mine. He always told me “the money is there for you to spend, as long as we have food on the table, lights on, and gas in our vehicles, do whatever you want.”
Now that my kids are 15 months old and stressing me out all day everyday, it’s the norm for me to spend if I’m able to. If I want to get my brows, nails, etc. done, i don’t ask him. The only thing we discuss is a good time for me to go since he’s always working. I couldn’t imagine it any other way. I’m at home taking care of OUR kids. I’m not his kid. I’m his wife, his partner. We made the decision of me being a SAHM to be there for OUR children. You are home with HIS kids. I would sit him down and talk to him. If you don’t feel comfortable asking for money, or if it’s straight up not for you to use after taking care of bills and essentials, I would tell him he needs to pay for childcare so that you can get a job and make your own money. Or you can try making money from home. But as partners in the situation you’re in, unless money is super tight, I don’t see the need to have an “allowance”. You’re not a child
my husband and i have a shared credit card, i can charge whatever i want in it… it sends him a notification on his phone everytime i use it so i dont go overboard lol
If you are staying home why do you need nails ,make up ,hair cuts ?
This is absolutely not a question that anyone here can answer. You two are the only people with access to your accounts and bills. Money can either make or break a relationship. He’s the one bringing it in he should be the ultimate decision maker.
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We all have different priorities when it comes to spending money. I would sit down and discuss a budget with him. Dont forget retirement, everyone needs to have a retirement account
I’m shocked that this question exists in 2020.
Easy fix. Step 1: two checking accounts, both of you as joint owners. First checking account is for direct deposit. All bills get paid out of that account. Second account is for spending money. You compile a budget that has all your obligations on it. When money is deposited into the first account, you leave the total that goes to bills in there. You move the excess to the second account. The second account is where groceries and all discretionary spending comes from. You sit down together and decide line by line what the two of you can and can’t afford.
Yes, he’s working. But he’s working for the family, not himself. The bills belong to both of you. Discretionary money belongs to both. Sometimes he gets exactly what he wants. Sometimes you do. A marriage is a sequence of compromises where each is doing their best to give the other what they want. This has to apply to money the same as every other aspect (sex, foods, home, clothing, etc.). There should never be an imbalance of power, regardless of who the breadwinner is.
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I’ve been a SAHM for 14 years,(6 kids, 20-9mths) in the past couple of years I’ve been saving money for myself by taking an extra $20 or so out when I buy groceries…I obviously know when I can afford to do so or not and I feel like I have a little independence
I’m a SAHM too. The way we do it is this…bills are paid and groceries and household items and things the kids need first. We talk about big ticket items that are outside the normal budget. And what’s left over is split between us to use as we want. So y’all are going to sit down together and look at fixed expenditures and income, including saving, and see what’s left over. Then split that extra 50/50. If I want/need something that will cost a bit more, or if my husband does, we work together with budgeting to make it happen. We BOTH have an “allowance”, we don’t make big purchases without discussing it first and making a plan. As a one income family you’re probably going to have to forgo things like regular Mani/pedis, spa brows, and some of the expensive make, but you can find workarounds and it’s SO worth it. Take a good hard look at your family budget. Shop sales, use coupons, sign up for reward memberships at retailers like Kroger and Sally’s. Luvs instead of Pampers, Best Choice instead of name brand…make up dupes, TJ Maxx and Kohl’s Gold Star Clearance. If you get really frugal you can free up money to play with!
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If you need help with budgeting, Dave Ramsey has good info on it. Once you have your bills covered, you should be setting money aside for an emergency fund; and to save for the big ticket items, like cars. But you should also plan for some fun money - like date nite, nails, etc. if you don’t build them into your budget, you’ll feel guilty stealing from one thing to buy what you want. I think when you are home with the kids and housework all day, it feels especially nice to get out and do something for yourself that makes you feel good about you
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Please ignore all the judgy Karen’s on here. You have every right to spoil yourself being a sahm is hard work and you deserve it. What my husband I do is after we paid all our bills and bought all our necessities. We take what is left and split it in 3 parts. Part 1 for family fun ie things to do with the kids buying the kids a toy they may want. Part 2 his fun. Part 3 my fun like nails or hair or whatever. Not every month is the same because things happen like car issues or meds or whatever but we try to make sure we also spoil ourselves every now and then because we work hard.
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No way I could handle being a SAHM. I went bat shit crazy during Maternity leave (it was bad. I drove.my husband and family CrAZy lol) But I budget myself the same way. Mortgage, car payment, bills, etc. When I get my next paycheck, I always put what is still left in my wallet in a vacation fund. I am super low maintenance. I cant have nail polish at work so no nails, nor eyelashes, I let the beauty school cut my hair and I buy 75% of my clothes (for work) from Goodwill. The other 25% are the clearance racks at Macys or Dillards, JCPenny etc. You SAHMs are the real MVPs. I would go nuts
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I’ve never been a stay at home mom. Until August. My hunny works and when he gets paid he give me his check so I can pay bills buy groceries and things we need. He always keeps a little for himself. But gives me the majority. I spend money how I see fit. He trusts me completely. And if I want something that costs over a certain amount I talk to him about it and we decided if it’s in the budget or not. And if it isn’t then we save so I can get it.
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It really depends on your overall budget structure BUT I personally would determine how much from each pay you can have for spending. For example, if it’s 100$, and you spend it in one day that’s it until next payday. The key is prioritizing what you want to spend on and think ahead a little!
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Well I managed money when I was a SAHM. So after paying bills. Going grocery shopping. And getting what needed to be got. We saved it. I’d do side jobs for my grandma. That was my gas money. Or play money. I never really asked for anything when I was home. But because I never really asked for anything. My husband would look at everything. And we’d discussed what I could spend. Everyone’s situation is different with one income.
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It’s not asking when you are married it’s yours too just like it’s his. You work just as hard at home do t forget that… now if it was me I would make a list of the bills for the month add it all then see what is left over then decide together a reasonable amount for you both
My husband gives me $250 a week. I buy the groceries out of that then the rest is mine. I can usually get a weeks worth of groceries for around $100 so the other $150 I keep.
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I been staying home for awhile it dose get boaring but I need that extra money for my self
Well I like my own money also I’m looking to clean houses on the side did it befor I just want to work three times a week I go clean my daughters house and she gets me stuff lol lol that’s still work and I babysit to
It depends on your specific finances really. I tell my husband what needs to happen, then when the day comes, it happens. Then he always tells me to do what I need, it’s always there. I don’t want to overload him so I give him some notice, and we don’t stress each other out about it. That being said, we are a one income home and not at the beginning of the journey. That shit was a different world many years ago.
We budget and my stress levels are so much lower because of it and this way shopping allowance is part of the budget. Before it was, well I shopped last week so I won’t shop this week. With a budget I get a set amount monthly that I can divide weekly if I choose to.
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Until I started receiving my portion of my husband’s retirement (railroad), he gave me 200.00 a month to spend on anything I wanted. I’m not a girly-girl, but bought cigarettes, far a game sales and trips with friends. That was 3 years ago, so things are more expensive now.
Now, my portion of his retirement goes to pay my credit cards, most of Christmas and whatever we need.
SAHM for 3 years, after working and living on my own for 16. There is no setting aside money for us, it’s OUR money. Just like I quit my career of 14 years to take care of OUR children and take care of OUR home. The same way money is spent on my husband it gets spent on me. After our kids, the dogs, and OUR expenses.
You don’t have to be low maintenance to justify what gets spent on you. Make a family budget and then work from that. No one does SAHMs any favors, we’re not beggars, we deserve it just as much.
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I get all the money. My husband’s check goes on my H&R block card. I pay the Bill’s and put money into virtual wallets. It’s easier for one person to handle the budget. You need to total up your expenses and estimate high end. What ever you don’t use, put it away for something special.
I have a monthly budget of 300.00 a month.
I dont use it all I get my nails done every two weeks @ 47.00 I put the rest into savings so I can shop for clothes each season change.
I get my hair cut/colored once a year.
I’m very low maintenance.
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I was raised to believe that money in the marriage, like every thing else, is 50/50. It’s a no brainer that household bills, groceries, car insurance, and life insurance comes first. If there’s any “play” money left then it should be divided equally between husband and wife.
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I use inbox dollars and fetch rewards and verydice
Get a card linked to the account and send a text when necessary to ask before you purchase? I highly doubt you’re asking for too much. That would be an easy fix
2 days after my 1st date with husband I had a debit card. I’ve worked on and off. I have full use of my card. If it’s a big purchase we ask out of respect but he doesn’t care.
I have a budget calendar each month and I show him but I do the bills
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My marriage has last now almost 35 years I guess we have done something right
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I take 100 dollars a week out of the atm for my nails hair makeup etc. then anything like clothes I need or want we just budget in together. It makes it easier just taking it out since we share a checking account now that I stay home with the kids
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We use one bank accout for bills house,insurance,utilities,etc that benefit the whole house. That deposit goes first. I have account and he has account for our individual needs. I get 250 monthly,for my hair,nails,personal needs
I get like $20 a week 
We share accounts but we always discuss our purchases before we do anything. If I want to get my nails done or buy make up or whatever I just say “hey, this is our spending budget. Can I use some of it for (nails, make up, etc)” and we decide together if it’s ok to or if we need to focus our funds on other things for awhile. I don’t get an allowance. We just make money decisions together and keep an open dialogue.
I’m a single mom and pay for all my expenses and needs. After paying for all the bills, I get the balance from where I remove savings and money to spend on my self and the kids.
I’m a stay home mom i look after 4 kids so i can also get some money to help with the bills im am trying to think of other things to do to make more money
My husband and I share every cent.
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I would say, if you start sleeping on separate rooms, you will soon get what ever you need to get you back in his bed !
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You’re partners on all fronts. Your self care (whatever that is to you) is important. Take care of each other. Happy spouse happy house.
You are his wife not his child an allowance idk a joint account is way better my husband and I do of course you won’t go spending all his paycheck this is also good incase of an emergency you will have card with both of your account also always have cash in case of an emergency as well
I’m a stay at home mom and this is how my husband and me do it
For hair nails and makeup
Nails: $20 a week
Hair: when I need it done and it’s about $450 I have long thick hair and he’s happy to give me that 2 times a year
Makeup: I signed up for boxy charm and have collected a bunch of high end brand for only $25 a month
My husband always took care of my nail / pedicures and spa/wax etc
As a single mom, I bought nail supplies and learned how to do my own gel nails! It’s been a lot of fun actually 
my brows/ lashes I do myself, and my hair I also do myself. I don’t dye my hair, but I’ve learned which products help it stay shiny/ grow. There’s this hair curling brush thing that is awesome and leaves your hair with curls as you dry it. It’s fun also to play salon w my daughter
It depends on how much you make but a lot of those things are for special occasions and you can do them for free at home. That being said, if you guys are responsibly budgeting then you both should have an equal monthly “fun,” budget. For the essentials, you can open a joint account so that you can withdraw cash/use a card yourself. But definitely be on the same page budget wise.
Ask a divorce attorney how much your alimony would be and agree on a number based off of that. I did and it helped to put things into perspective for us
I have worked construction for 13 years until I had our son. My husband works and I stay at home but I do all the cooking, cleaning, and yard work. I get 300 every two weeks to do whatever I want with. He pays all the bills but when he come home I make sure he doesn’t have to do a thing. The money I get I just spend on my husband, son, or house.
I’ve always been a single Mom. (When I was married my ex-husband rarely worked, and never participated in the kids lives. ) My oldest is now married, they have 2 sons. After the boys started to need more of her time at home they (as parents) decided one of them should stay home, she made the sacrifice of her career for the love of their boys. Knowing this the decision was made that all income is their income. NOT his, not hers, theirs, their home. Their family. Their income. This is not the 1950s. Women should not accept an allowance.
I have spoken my opinion. I shall now step off my soap box. Honestly though, have self respect ladies! You are the glue that binds your family together. You are not the maid, cook, and chauffeur! With love, and respect, a single mom who raised 3 strong women and a strong very respectful man!
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